


City Comma State

by ForcedSimile



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Other, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 61
Words: 236,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1917582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForcedSimile/pseuds/ForcedSimile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inside the walls of his carefully maintained house, Levi has lived in peace, succeeding in leading the private life he's always wanted.  This all changes when Hange moves next door and unknowingly infiltrates his life.  That day he received a grim reminder...that he was capable of making friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi had never taken advantage of someone’s man-crush before. He didn’t truly feel guilty about doing so, since he could deliver on the nod of approval that Oluo was searching for. The house next door to Levi had been for sale for almost a year. Levi had honestly enjoyed the silence and privacy it afforded him, but worried that the lack of interested buyers would lead to a lack of upkeep on the side of the real estate agency, would lead to an eye sore he didn’t want to see every day. Since Oluo worked for the agency that was brokering the house, Levi had a standing order to know whenever it was going to be shown. Oluo had never failed to call, even if he wasn’t showing the house himself.

It was totally a coincidence that Levi had to work from home that day, and it was in no way motivated by a call he had received the night before. He stationed himself by the window facing the street and waited to see Oluo’s car. He pulled up in the slick black sports car he was so proud of. He was early and Levi knew he had to talk to him. Levi watched as he walked up the pathway, a bit surprised at how far Oluo’s hero worship had gone. Everything he wore, from the pair of dark, horn rimmed sunglasses to his tapered dress shoes was inspired in some part by something Levi had worn before. He sighed and waited for the knock that would be somewhere between eager and nonchalant. In a few words: trying too hard.

Levi opened the door and grumbled a hello. He knew he should try to be a little nicer, Oluo was doing him a favor, he just couldn’t snap out of his default. Oluo was the one to lift up his sunglasses and, though he was attempting to mirror Levi’s inexpressiveness, he caught Levi in a bit of an awkward bro hug, the kind that was between a handshake and a hug. Levi tried to restrain all signs of annoyance.

“Morning, Levi. How’s it going?” Oluo asked. Levi looked over his shoulders.

“Where’s your client?” Levi asked.

“Oh, Dr. Hange is going to be here in a few minutes. I decided to come a bit early,” he said.

Levi stopped looking and joined him outside pulling the door closed. “What can you tell me about them?”

“Full name is Zoë Hange. He and Dr. Jaeger have some history, they used to do research together. He said that he’s going to be doing some sort medical research at the teaching hospital and he’s decided to settle down here for a while. I don’t know what kind of money he’s making, but the guy’s got a monster sized down payment. He’s seen a few houses already, but he keeps on looking for something bigger. Maybe he wants to start a family, but he’s never mentioned a girlfriend, wife or fiancée,” Oluo said.

“Maybe he has a boyfriend.”

Oluo laughed. “You’re right! I never thought about that. He does seem like the type, though.”

Levi absently looked over at the house next door. So far it seemed promising, no kids, no dogs that he knew of.

“If he expresses any serious interest in the house, introduce me to him,” Levi said.

“Absolutely!” Oluo said. Levi moved to go back inside but paused.

“Good job, Oluo,” he said. Levi knew by the time he closed the door Oluo was doing whatever the male non romantic equivalent of swooning was. Levi had never seen it or felt close enough to any guy to imagine what that might be. Apparently his very basic affirmations made Oluo extremely happy.

There was no hurry to get back to work. One of Levi’s cats crawled onto his lap and he watched the street from his window. He stroked her ears and she purred contentedly. Finally, he saw a slate blue sedan pull up. A person he assumed to be Hange got out, a huge smile on his face and went over to Oluo hand extended. He wore glasses and seemed slightly disheveled, his wavy hair was pulled back in a messy pony tail, none of his clothes seemed to fit his lanky frame they were all just a bit too big. He wasn’t especially tall, which Levi knew meant he was taller than him, possibly average height. Oluo mirrored Hange’s bright expression as best he could. If there was one bit of deeper praise Levi could give Oluo it was that he at least attempted to match the energy of the situation around him. Levi never bothered.

The two entered the house and all Levi could do was wait. There were other things to do. He finished his work, cleaned his bathroom, organized his closet, and threw out a few old magazines. He was getting ready to vacuum when he heard the familiar “trying too hard” knock on the door. So Hange was serious about the house. Levi opened the door, focusing first on Oluo and then on Hange.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hey Levi,” Oluo said with a wide grin. Levi breathed deeply. Oluo was horrible at being casually unsuspicious. “I’d like to introduce you to Hange. Hange, this is my good friend Levi, potentially your new neighbor.”

“Hello, Levi. Nice to meet you. If all goes to plan, I’ll be moving in soon!” Hange said.

“Welcome, I guess,” he said. As if to fill in the pause, his cats darted out. One was pawing at Hange’s sneakers, the other hopped on his deck chair and watched them all from a distance.

“They’re super cute, what are their names?” Hange said.

“Black one is Windex, spotty one is Lysol,” he said. Hange crouched down and Windex who decided to put her paws on Hange’s knees. Levi took advantage of Hange's diverted attention to study his mannerisms and form a few loose conclusions to be adjusted later.

“You’re a sweetheart aren’t you? We’ll have plenty of time to play when we’re neighbors,” Hange said. Levi picked up Windex and held her close. There was no need to be express annoyance with Hange already, he hadn’t even done anything. Yet.

“Well, we’d better get going. Hange, go on ahead, I want to talk with Levi for a sec,” Oluo said.

“All right! See you there!” Hange said. Levi watched as Hange started or his car.

“He’s a bit nutty, but he seems like a good guy,” Oluo said under his breath. Levi looked past Oluo.

“Wait, Hange,” he said. Hange stopped in the middle of the walkway and turned with an expectant grin. “I didn’t get the chance to ask, since we were talking about my cats and moving. What are your preferred pronouns?”

Hange's smile only grew broader. “I’m fine with whatever, but ’she’ is most comfortable. You’re going to be a great neighbor!” she said and continued to her car.

“He’s a girl?” Oluo said.

“ _She_ is whatever gender she tells you she is,” Levi said as he watched her leave.

“Whatever you say, man,” Oluo said. He attempted to pet Windex’s head. Windex did not like this and she hissed and twisted awkwardly in Levi’s arms.

“What’s up with her?” Oluo said.

“Windex doesn’t like people who aren’t me. You know this,” Levi said.

“I thought she was in a good mood so she might let me pet her. She was fine with Hange,” Oluo said.

“I noticed,” Levi said. He would have to watch her closely.

* * *

Hange moved in astonishingly fast. Summer had just started to get warm, Levi enjoyed poking around his tomato plants in the backyard and the movers were causing all sorts of commotion at Hange’s place. Levi only spared glances here and there, but he noticed Hange was quite hands on about her move, helping to move furniture and giving out bottles of water and snacks. The movers told Hange she was a “good dude” and hoped she liked her new place.

While Levi could feign indifference, no one else in the neighborhood could. She was visited by the Ackermans, the Arlerts, the Jaegers (as expected), Petra stopped by, some of the teenagers stole curious glances and giggles. Mrs. Ackerman made Hange dinner for a few days, Levi noticed. It seemed there was a traitor in his own house, as Windex found her way over to Hange’s porch and Hange was more than happy to pet her and play a bit.

“Damn you, Windex,” he said. “At least Lysol is consistent. Why her?”

He felt a degree of dread as he saw Hange cross her yard and enter his. Windex was following her with marked curiosity.

“Don’t bring her here you shitty cat...” Levi said. The doorbell rang and Levi groaned. He just wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Still, he dragged himself downstairs and answered the door, trying to appear as neutral as possible.

“Hello,” he said. Windex darted inside and continued to watch Hange from behind his legs.

“Hey, Levi. Nice to see you again. I’m officially your neighbor,” she said.

“I noticed,” he said.

“Everyone’s been so nice. Mrs. Ackerman gave me a lot of food. Do you want to come over for dinner?” she asked.

“No, I’m busy,” he replied. He wasn’t _really_ lying.

“I see. Maybe another time, then?” she said. He didn't respond and she scratched her head and nodded. She started to turn but paused. Levi pursed his lips. There were a million things she could ask and he wasn’t sure if he’d answer any of them. “I just have to know. How did you know to ask about my pronouns?” Hange asked. Levi raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t exactly expected that question.

“I teach a self defense class. People of all genders come. I try to make it the first thing I ask,” he said. “Do you feel comfortable telling me what gender you are?”

“Sure. I usually feel like I don’t really have a gender. I do feel like a woman sometimes, it’s why I use the pronouns. I tried the gender neutral ones and they didn’t really speak to me, since I do feel like some sort of woman if I'm anything at all. I don’t correct strangers when they call me a ‘cool guy’ or use ‘he’ because it just reminds me on my genderless days that I’m in between. But I really prefer my friends to call me by 'she' pronouns,” she said.  
  
“Got it,” he said.

“It’s kind of nice to have someone understand this,” Hange said with a smile. “So a raincheck on dinner at my place?”

She was waiting for an answer now and Levi didn't want to give one.

“Sure,” he said finally. It was noncommittal enough.

“All right, then. See you later, Levi. Good bye, Windex!” she said. Levi nodded to her and closed the door. He scooped up Windex.

“Shitty cat. You picked a great time to start making friends...” he grumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi always hopes to fly under the radar at parties. Hange does not allow this to be so.

Levi could have been asked to bring anything to Hange’s welcome party. He didn’t brag, but he was confident in his cooking abilities. Mrs. Jaeger begged him to bring scones. He made them for her once as a thank you for giving him tulip bulbs a few years ago and she’d been raving about them to everyone ever since. He decided next time he'd be rude and not thank her at all. Since it was too late and he'd already put himself out there, he agreed to bring them.

If he was honest, he didn’t want to go to the party. He didn’t dislike his neighbors, he just didn't want to talk to them. He didn’t like the feeling of people trying to claw their way into his life. He arrived at the party fashionably late as expected, Eren answered the door. Levi cringed on the inside as the boy’s face lit up upon seeing him.

“Hey, Levi! Mom said you were coming,” he said.

“I brought scones,” Levi said. He had hoped that not acknowledging Eren’s greeting, his inexpressive face and monotone would have dampened Eren’s enthusiasm but his smile only grew.

“Awesome. Come in,” he said. When Levi first moved in to the area, Eren had been fairly young and had a few bullies. Levi helped him learn to properly deal with them and defend himself if necessary. He had only done it so Eren wouldn’t get hurt and have a bit more confidence. He hadn’t expected Eren to latch onto him as some sort of secondary father figure. Here they were, three years later, Eren still looking up to him as though he were some sort of celebrity.  Well, looking down at him thanks to a growth spurt.

Levi entered and marched to the kitchen immediately. Mrs. Jaeger was taking something out of the oven. Levi looked around and saw several things he could do immediately, but decided not to over step the hostess’s bounds.

“Hello, Carla. Can I help you with anything?” he asked. She looked up in surprise.

“Levi! Did you bring the scones?” she said.

“Eren took them,” Levi said.

“Good, good. I know it’s pointless to stop you from helping. Do you want to make the salad? I didn’t have time to finish,” she said.

He nodded, took off his blazer, carefully folded it, and rolled up his sleeves. He washed his hands and set about cutting up vegetables. Life was sometimes about the little things. He loved the sound of cutting crisp vegetables over the din of small talk going on in the other room.

“Ah, there you are, Levi,” a voice called from the kitchen door. Levi glared over his shoulder at Erwin who smiled pleasantly in return. Mrs. Jaeger slipped past him with a tray full of something and he came to Levi’s side.

“Eren told me you were here. I figured I’d find you busy in the kitchen,” he said.

“How’s the party?” Levi asked, not looking up from the bell peppers he was slicing.

“Very nice as expected. Dr. Hange is very interesting,” he said.

“She is,” Levi said.

“She’s a woman?”

“She uses ‘she/her’ pronouns.”

“I see.”

Erwin took a sip out of the glass he was holding.

“How’s babysitting going?” Levi asked.

Erwin smirked. “You see how well they’re turning out.”

“Jean and Eren are on the same soccer team and there hasn’t been a murder yet. I’d say you’re doing a hell of a job.”

“If that’s the mark of being a good principal I should get several awards,” Erwin said. Levi smirked and managed a chuckle. “Come sit with me when you’re done.”

Levi did not answer, but Erwin patted his shoulder and went back to the party. Levi might have deliberately started cutting slower, but time was of the essence when it came to hosting a party. He finished the salad, put on his jacket, grabbed a drink and found Erwin. Levi might have turned away when he saw Erwin was not alone. Petra had joined him and they were laughing about something. Levi felt his expression darken and before he could get away, her eyes locked with his.

“Levi! Come over here!” Petra said. He breathed deeply, took a sip out of the glass he had, cursed himself because it wasn’t alcoholic, and joined them. He wanted to sit on the end, but ended up sandwiched between the two of them on the couch. Petra wrapped her arm around his and smiled expectantly.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, how are things?” she asked.

“Fucking perfect,” Levi said. She elbowed him a little and he rolled his eyes.

“I know I shouldn’t have started there. Let’s try this again. How’s your garden?”

Levi sipped his drink to hide that he was actually interested in this topic. That afforded him enough time to keep his mask.

“I think I’m going to do pretty well this year. I planted cucumbers, tomatoes, beans, cabbage and spinach. I’m experimenting with corn this year. I’ve got sunflowers because that’s what you’re supposed to do in summer. My irises are holding strong, my roses smell great. All in all, it seems like it’s a promising season,” he said. He didn’t look at their faces. He didn’t like that they had decidedly victorious smiles, like getting him to talk was some sort of competition. He liked his garden and he talked about it.

“Petra always knows what gets you talking,” Erwin said.

“Shut the hell up,” Levi said.

“Lighten up! I like it when you talk about things that make you happy,” she said. “Remember how you’d go on when we were on the gymnastics team?”

“Shut up,” Levi grumbled.

“About all the ways to train your muscles? About how to jump higher or the best diet to perform more efficiently?”

“Shut up.”

“You were pretty amazing then.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “When did I stop being amazing?”

“That’s not what I meant at all!” Petra said. “You don’t think that I...Levi, you...” He bit his lip to stifle his laughter and she slapped his shoulder. “I really thought I hurt your feelings!”

Erwin did not hide his amusement over their exchange. “It would take a lot more than that to actually hurt Levi’s feelings.”

Petra sighed, “I know.”

The front door opened and Oluo appeared. Petra huffed.

“Oluo’s here. I’ve got to make myself scarce,” she said.

“Why?” Levi asked.

“You know why!” she said and stormed off.

The two of them fell silent as she left.

“They’re dating,” Levi said.

“Definitely,” Erwin said. Oluo approached with his car salesman smile. Levi observed his entire outfit. Polo shirt, blazer, slim cut jeans, all one of Levi’s preferred brands. He found it interesting.

“What’s going on guys, enjoying the party?” Oluo said as he sat down and extended his arm around Levi, occupying the space Petra had left empty.

“We were dying of boredom until you arrived,” Levi said in his monotone. Oluo slapped his arm a little too hard and Levi jumped in surprise.

“I’m here now buddy! I’ll zap some life into this tired dinner party!” he said. Levi looked around at the guests hoping none had heard. No one had. He took this time to tune out Oluo’s talking and look for Hange. He hadn’t seen her the entire time. He had to at least show his face to her so she knew he’d been there.

“Where is Levi!?” a voice called above the rest. Levi felt his eye twitch. He wouldn’t have to find her. She came charging from the dining room, a scone in hand. She was dressed pretty much like he’d seen her every day, except today she actually wore clothes that fit her well and nice dress shoes.

“Did you make these?” she asked pointing to the scone.

“Yes,” he said. She got on her knees and his eyes widened in shock and amusement.

“They are heavenly! So light and perfectly sweet! These must go wonderful with tea!”

“They do.”

She took his free hand in one of hers and he felt his shoulders hunch in embarrassment. Now everyone was staring at him and he didn’t know how to deflect all her positive attention.

“You’re amazing, Levi! You’re simply amazing! Don’t forget that!” she said. She walked away, stuffing the rest of the scone in her mouth and raving as she went. The three on the couch stared after her in silence.

Oluo was the first to break the silence. “W-well! Someone’s just said what I’ve known for years! I mean who doesn’t know that you’re—”

“Don’t say another word or I’ll break your fucking jaw,” Levi said.

Oluo gulped and fell silent immediately. Levi spent the rest of his time at the party with one thought.

_I want to go home._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's hard to imagine, but really try: What would Eren be like if he had both his parents and his life was never rocked by significant tragedy? He'd be a pretty cheerful, energetic teenaged boy. So as weird as it is for me to write happy!Eren...that's the Eren that exists in this AU.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi diplomatically attempts to get Hange to mow her lawn.

Aside from the occasional wave or casual greeting, Levi hadn’t spoken with Hange since her welcome party. Windex was a frequent visitor and she seemed all too eager to run over whenever Hange was home. Lysol had taken longer to warm up. Though much friendlier, she was the more cautious of the two. She observed Hange for a while before occasionally joining Windex on her trips. Hange seemed to love this, sometimes sitting in her walkway cuddling one of them. Levi had never seen his cats that excited when he returned home. He was mostly ignored unless food was going to be given. Not entirely, Lysol was much sweeter than that.

It was on one of Windex’s trips to Hange’s house that he noticed that Windex was almost as tall as her grass. He had tried not to notice, but Hange hadn’t mowed her lawn or done much to it since she arrived. He wanted to give her time to get settled. It had been nearly a month and a half since she moved in. The grass was getting indecently long and it bothered him, this was exactly the reason he wanted someone in the house, so it _wouldn’t_ be an eye sore, and already Hange was not living up to his expectations.

Rather than passive aggressively glaring at her from his window and complaining (to himself), he decided to talk to her. He didn’t actively observe her comings and goings, but he noticed that when Windex would wait at the window, she had to be coming home soon. Instead of observing Hange, he just waited until Windex darted out of the back door when she arrived home. He went out the front, heading off Windex who seemed a bit put off by his presence. Levi ignored Windex as she curled her body against him, as if to petition for affection and get him to slow down.

“Hange,” he said. She grinned and put her hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

“Levi, what a pleasant surprise,” she said. She stooped over to pick up Windex who curled perfectly into her arms. Levi wanted to be more astonished at Windex’s affection for her, but stayed on task.

“I noticed your grass has been getting a bit high,” he said.

“Oh, yeah. I keep on forgetting to buy a lawn mower. I was in apartments up until now,” she said.

“Borrow mine this time around. Just put it back when you’re done,” he said.

“Really? You’re a prince, you know that, Levi?” she said. He stared at her blankly as she continued to smile at him. He literally did not know what to say, though his face belied nothing. “I can’t promise to mow it right away, though. A big research project is wrapping up and I’m going to be swamped with work for two weeks straight.”

“Just take care of it,” he said.

“Will do, Captain Levi,” she said with a mock salute. They both froze after she said it. There was something familiar and chilling about that phrase. It was Hange’s turn to become awkward and unsure. “I-I’ll get to as soon as possible! Promise!”

“Yeah,” he said and walked away. That had been awkward to say the least. At least he wouldn’t have to look at that horrible lawn for much longer.

* * *

 

At first he thought he had been dreaming. The hum of the machine in the distance did not register as anything other than the din in the background of an otherwise quiet setting. It was when it became louder, more constant and quite out of place that he was jolted awake. He looked over at the alarm clock. Three in the morning.

“There is no fucking way she’s mowing the lawn this early,” he said. He got up and went to a window so he could see Hange’s yard. She was indeed, mowing her front lawn at the ungodly hours of the morning. Levi was going through so many reasons why she shouldn’t be doing so, number one being it was when most people were sleeping. He put on his robe and his boat shoes and decided to go see if he could convince her to maybe mow the lawn later. Even another day would be preferable at this point.

By the time he made it out, she had finished and was wiping sweat off her brow. She saw him approach and waved excitedly.

“I mowed the lawn!” she said. “First time since I was a kid!”

“It’s fucking three in the morning,” he said.

“I know.”

“For fuck's sake, why did you have to do it now?”

“I wouldn’t have time any other day.”

“Could it wait?”

She let out a deep breath. “Maybe, but I didn’t want my ugly lawn to get on your nerves anymore.”

He snapped his eyes shut and took a deep breath of his own. “I would have lived.”

“You’re such a good neighbor, I don’t want to get on your bad side.”

Levi’s eyes got wide and she continued to smile at him expectantly. He moved past her and started to roll the lawnmower back to his shed. He had only gone a few feet when he heard Hange following him.

“Wait up! Thank you!” she said.

“I didn’t mow your damn lawn,” he said.

“You let me borrow your mower.”

“It’s nothing. Please stop.”

“You helped me. I’m thanking you.”

“You’re welcome, now stop talking about it.”

“You've been super helpful,” she said.

“I said stop, damn it,” he said. “You act like I did something special.”

She laughed a bit. “I guess it’s not that special, but I’m grateful. I’ll try to be more diligent.”

Levi put the mower away and locked the shed. He looked at her in the moonlight. There were bits of grass clinging to her pants and shoes. She was breathing a little heavy and she had to be coated in sweat.

“Just wait on my back deck for a moment,” he said.

When he returned, she was half asleep on his deck chair. He nudged her and handed her a bottle of water. She took the bottle from him with relish and took a long swig of it.

“See, you’re really nice,” Hange said.

“Will you shut the hell up?” he said.

“Why do you keep denying my compliments?” she asked.

If he had fur like his cats it would have bristled and stood on end. He clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes. She put her glasses on her forehead and wiped the sweat off her face. She leaned her elbows on her knees and smiled again, this time not as big or as forceful.

“Look, I call it like I see it. If you act like a little shit, I’m going to call you a little shit. You’re a good person Levi and I’m telling you so. That’s all it is,” she said. He watched her finish off the bottle. “Done. Your recycling or mine?”

“Mine. No, yours,” Levi said. “Whichever option will make you think I'm an asshole.”

Hange laughed. “I’ll take it this time. Get some sleep, sorry to bother you. I warn you, it may be a while before I have time to mow the lawn again. Another project just lined up.”

Levi watched her get ready to leave.

“Hire Eren,” he said. She turned to him.

“Jaeger’s kid?” she asked.

“Yeah. He’d be happy to earn a few extra bucks. He’ll mow your lawn,” he said.

Hange’s bright grin returned. “Thanks, Levi. You’re the greatest.”

He growled and she walked away. At least he got her lawn taken care of...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Levi. You just fail at being an asshole.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry if I don’t want a damn intruder trying to get into my neighbor’s house.”

Summer seemed to drag on forever. Levi had an honest distaste for summer. He was constantly slathering sunscreen all the time and did his best to inspect as many houses as he could in a few days so he could spend most of the week indoors. The arrangement to have Eren mow Hange’s lawn was a particularly good one. What he wished Hange hadn’t done was mention that he suggested Eren for the job. As a result, Eren got a little too starry eyed whenever he saw Levi. Eren’s admiration was mostly silent and that he was grateful for. Now that the length was accounted for, noted that Hange’s grass was getting a bit on the dead side. She had only asked Eren to cut the grass, not water it as well. Levi decided he’d water it for her once and discuss possible ways of maintaining the lawn later.

Hange’s research seemed to be slowing down. She was home more on the weekends. He saw her heading out with a duffle bag and a basketball a few times. Windex would follow her to the car, sleep under her porch and find other ways to be in her way. Levi was not as curious as Windex was, he kept mostly to himself and tended to his garden while plotting ways to help her in the meantime so he wouldn’t have to look at dead grass all summer. He tried to be inconspicuous when he was finally ready to execute his plan. He was outside watering his own lawn. She was running to her car in basketball shorts a T-shirt. She glanced at him and waved hastily before jumping in and driving off. As soon as she was well down the street he went to his shed, got out his sprinkler and second hose and hooked it up to her water spout. It was a small fix, but it would make the lawn look so much better. He left it on for a few hours in the front and back yards. He decided he would go by and see her later that evening.

He saw her pull up in her car, but he was a bit wary about the way she stumbled up the stairs and fumbled with her keys. He wanted to give her a moment to collect herself. Something didn’t seem right. Windex joined him in watching her.

“You didn’t go see your friend today,” he said. Windex didn’t look at him, but curled her tail back and forth as if in thought. “You want to come see her with me?”

Windex wasn’t really given a choice. Levi picked her up and took the cat with him. Windex did not squirm out of his arms so she must not have been against the idea of seeing Hange. He went across his lawn and Hange’s lawn and knocked on the door. Hange answered with a tired smile.

“What’s up?” she said. He looked her over carefully. She seemed a bit disoriented, tired, and he noticed the electrical tape on the bridge of her glasses.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just got hit in the face with a basketball a few times, broke my piece of shit glasses,” she said. He continued to check her over, looking for bruising or any other obvious signs of injury. She tilted her head as he stared at her. “I’ll be honest, I’m getting used to your blank stares. As much as I like them, I have to ask if there’s any other reason you knocked on my door other than to stare at me?”

“I noticed your grass was dying from not being watered,” he said.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Still not used to this yard upkeep thing. I’ll do better,” she said.

“I watered it for you,” he said. “Do you have any yard tools?”

“No, actually.”

“I’ll write a list of the basics. Buy them when it fits your budget,” he said. Hange’s familiar bright smile came back.

“Thanks, Levi. You’re the best,” she said. He held up Windex and thrust the cat toward her hoping the cat would distract her. Hange took him from Levi and cradled him. “You’re another nice guy aren’t you?”

“Stop saying stuff like that,” he said.

“Start acting consistently like an asshole and I will,” she said.

“Most people think I’m already an asshole,” he said.

Hange laughed. “Why because you keep to yourself, say a few curse words, are a bit gruff, and don’t smile a lot?” Levi didn’t answer. “You’ll have to try a lot harder to make me dislike you.”

He continued to stare at her blankly, hoping it would mask the internal screaming. Then he remembered she was getting used to them and didn't know if that meant she liked them, and therefore he should actually emote to annoy her. Showing emotion beyond indifference was something he wasn't used to, so he decided he had to get out of there fast.

“I’m going back to my house now. Don’t kidnap my cat, Shitty Glasses,” he said. There was a long pause and he had almost made it back to his house. Then he heard Hange burst out laughing. He didn’t look back at her and went inside. He flopped on the couch and screamed into a pillow. That backfired. Well, she did say he had to be a consistent asshole. This was just step one.

* * *

 

Levi observed Hange closely over the week. She seemed to be all right, got a new pair of glasses to replace the broken ones. He was just a bit worried. He’d seen her return from playing basketball before and she didn’t look like she did that evening. It could have just been the blow to the head, he wished there was a way to be more certain. Since there was nothing he could do short of asking her directly at the moment, he decided to be observant and keep to himself for now.

He was coming home from work on a Friday when he heard the motorcycle pull up. He watched the rider stop in front of Hange’s house from behind his dark sunglasses. The man didn’t seem to see him, just walked up to Hange’s porch and started lifting up the mats and looking in windows. This made Levi suspicious. He took off his sunglasses and tucked them into his jacket pocket and marched over. The man started to walk around toward the back and Levi called to him.

“Who the hell are you?” Levi asked. The man was a good foot taller than he was, but Levi was more than confident he could take him down if the occasion required it. The man was a bit unshaven, but managed an uneasy smile when he saw Levi’s scowl.

“I’m Mike. I’m friends with Hange. She wanted me to fix something in her house,” he said.

“What’s ‘something?’” Levi asked.

“Leaky sink in the upstairs bathroom. I have my tools on my bike. I just can’t find the key she said she was going to leave,” he said. He might be telling the truth, he might be lying. Levi narrowed his eyes. “Hey, hey, don’t believe me? I’ll call her and she can vouch for me.”

“You do that,” Levi said. “We can sit on _my_ steps and do that right now.”

Mike sighed and followed him. He looked her up on his phone and Levi saw Hange was listed in his contacts. He had never gotten Hange’s number himself so he couldn’t tell if the number was real and not just labeled with her name. She didn’t answer and Levi glared at him.

“I know this doesn’t look good, but I promise I’m here because she asked me,” he said.

“Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll find the key, and you can work on Hange’s house, if that is what you’re doing. I’ll wait outside for her and she’ll clear everything up,” he said. Mike nodded and held out his hand.

“Sounds fair,” he said. Levi didn’t shake and got up. Together, they found the key Hange had hidden (in the mailbox). Mike went inside and Levi sat outside and waited for Hange to come home. It wasn’t more than an hour before she returned. She seemed surprised to see him waiting for her.

“I was hoping to see Windex today. What brings your sorry face on my property?” she asked with a smirk.

“Do you know a guy named Mike?” he asked.

“Yeah! We're friends. He's the one I play basketball with on the weekends. Did he come to fix my sink?” she said.

“So he was telling the truth,” Levi said.

“Yeah. He’s the one that got me in the face with that basketball,” she said. “He’s just a big softie when he’s not playing though, I promise.” The door to the house opened and Mike waved to Hange. “Hey, Mike!”

“I didn’t know you had an attack human to guard your property. This guy gave me the tenth degree for trying to get in,” he said.

“Sorry if I don’t want a damn intruder trying to get into my neighbor’s house,” Levi said.

“No way, man I understand. I’m glad Hange has someone so observant next door,” Mike said. “I feel better about her not moving into my building now. I was worried no one would keep an eye on her. Remember to give him your number, though. He could have called you himself, cleared things up, and be doing something productive instead of waiting around for your sorry ass.”

“All right, all right,” Hange said. “Give me your number, Levi, I’ll text you.”

He gave her his number and she keyed him in. She texted him right away and he saved her name.

“Shitty Glasses” he said as he pressed a few buttons to save her name. She looked over his shoulder and smacked his arm.

“You really put that in there!” she said.

“Just trying to start the ‘consistently an asshole’ trend,” he said.

“After you stop someone you thought was suspicious from entering my house. All right...”

Levi glared at her. He was going to have to get better at this...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mike. Oh, Mike. I'm pretty sure later on, he tells Hange how much he liked the smell of Levi's cologne.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi accidentally exposes the one thing that makes him talk a lot.

Levi took excellent care of his yard tools. As anyone who was privileged enough to see the inside of his garden shed knew, he kept everything in pristine order. He allowed no dirt or stray grass to linger on his tools, always cleaning them properly. His hoses were never tangled, he did not keep anything that was rusty or broken. Even the little shed window was spotless. In keeping with this high standard of cleanliness, when his garden spade’s handle fell off after he was a little too aggressive with the weeding, he disposed of it and went straight to the hardware store to buy a new one. It was supposed to be a quick trip.

He rounded the corner where all the garden supplies were kept and saw Hange. She had a puzzled look on her face as she gazed at two garden hoses. He wanted to remain unseen, but the spades were just past her. He immediately decided to go into the other aisle and come back around so she wouldn’t see him. Just as he turned, she spotted him.

“Levi! How’s it going?” she said. He froze. He could have just left. That was kind of ridiculous, and besides, he wasn’t leaving without his new spade. Instead, Levi braced himself for interaction. Hange had already closed the distance between them, a hose in each hand.

“You’re buying stuff for your yard?” he asked. She nodded.

“It’s exciting!” she said. “But I have no idea what’s what. Like what makes this hose better than this one?”

He glanced at the two of them. He pointed to the one in her left hand. “That one’s better. It doesn’t tangle as much and doesn’t get punctured as easily as the other one.”

“Oh, thanks!” she said, she put the other hose aside. Levi grabbed it.

“At least put it back properly,” he said.

“Fine, fine,” she said. She took it from him and headed down the aisle. Levi walked beside her, but only because the spade he wanted was in that direction. He decidedly ignored her eyes on him.

“Hey, Levi. I don’t know what your plans were for today,” Hange began.

“I’m going to finish working in my garden,” he said.

“Oh, I see. I really just wanted to ask some advice on what I should buy and what plants I should grow in my garden,” she said.

It was tempting. So tempting. He wondered if she knew exactly what she had done to him. Her face did not seem smug, she just had her easy smile like she always did. He didn’t have to say anything more, but how often was it that someone brought up something he liked and was genuinely curious and not trying to forcibly crack open his shell?

“Let me see what you have already,” he said. He perused her cart. All items he’d suggested her to buy, mostly for upkeep. “You want to grow plants? Like a garden?”

“That’s the end goal, but I want to start out with a deck garden with pots and stuff,” she said.

“I suggest you get a few different sizes and shapes. I’ve seen those shoe holder gardens that are low maintenance, but I’ve yet to try them myself.”

He started for the section he knew had pots. She followed him with her cart. Together they picked out a few good sized ones.

“What are you planning on growing?” he asked.

“Just some herbs. Maybe a few flowers. Vegetables would be nice, if there are a few that are small enough,” Hange said.

“It’s a bit late in the season, but I’m sure you can start planning for fall crops. Most of the herbs are pretty resilient, but some do better in fall than others. Come with me. I’ll pick some out for you.”

He grabbed her cart from her and pushed it to the plant section.

“Can’t I grow some from seeds?” she asked.

“You can, but some are just better already grown and you can use them right away. Let’s see. We’ll start with the basic plants for cooking. Rosemary, sage, basil, thyme, mint, parsley. You wanted vegetables too, right?” She nodded. “Well, let’s see. We’ll need to get some more pots, but we can start you off with kale, chard, beets, a few kinds of lettuce. Broccoli’s a bit finicky and not so good for someone just starting out. Maybe you can try it next year.” After he was satisfied, and Hange had not said a word in protest, he took her back to the section to get more pots for her vegetables. “Now that you have those, I suggest you make a blend of soil and compost. Don’t buy any compost from here though, I have enough to share. I’ll pick the soil for you and you’ll want a tarp to blend it on. Go get one and meet me back here.”

She nodded and skipped off while he glanced over their collection of soil. He picked out one that he knew was trustworthy and hefted a few bags onto his shoulders and put them in the space under her cart. She returned with a tarp, as he instructed.

“You should be all set to start out. Oh, you might want a watering can. I mean, you can use your hose, but it’s a bit of a hassle if you have it set up on the side of the house for watering the lawn. I guess you can get two hoses, but I’d suggest getting a nozzle that has different spray settings,” he said.

“I’ll get another hose, I think. Is there anything else?” she asked as she slowly edged him away from pushing her cart.

“Not that I can think of at the moment,” he said.

“You never did pick up your spade,” she said.

“Oh, right. I’ll do that and you meet me at the front of the store,” he said. As they parted ways, Levi became aware of something that was highly odd. Extremely odd. He had basically rambled the entire time and she’d barely said anything by comparison. He chose his new spade, his face not belying his horror at this revelation. He decided he had to leave before Hange so she wouldn’t say anything about it. Fortunately, she was confused as to what nozzle to buy and was asking one of the employees questions. He bought his spade and returned home as quickly as possible. Within minutes he was back in his garden, once again aggressively weeding to forget that he had practically made an ass of himself by rambling about plants and gardening tips.

What was more, she hadn’t pointed out his uncharacteristic behavior. In fact, she hadn’t said much at all, just asked questions. He’d probably pushed her way over her budget and she didn’t complain or stop him. He wondered why. It didn’t really matter, he made her spend a lot of money because he was passionate about plants. He sighed and went into his house. He grabbed a plastic bag and went back to his garden and picked a few things he thought she would like and left them on Hange’s back deck, along with a bucket so she could transport the compost from the container in his yard to hers.

He just prayed she’d never bring it up again ever.

* * *

There was a knock on his door a few days after his rambling incident. It was Hange, as he expected. Windex had suddenly appeared and stalked forward. She had some sort of psychic connection with Hange, it was near uncanny. He opened the door and Windex curled up against her friend. Hange picked her up without so much as a greeting to Levi and kissed the top her head.

“She comes out when I'm working on my plants. We're gardening buddies,” Hange said.

“Your yard is looking a lot nicer,” he said.

“Thanks! I actually wanted you to come over and see my deck plants! Can you give me some more tips?” she asked. As excited as she was, there was a degree of hesitance, shyness perhaps? He couldn’t help himself, he managed a smirk.

“All right,” he said. He followed her to her backyard. He waited for her to tease him about his excitement over plants.

“Those vegetables you left for me were delicious!” she said.

“How did you know it was me?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes. “All right it was vegetable gnomes. Oh wait...all you need is a pointed cap and...”

“Shut it, Four Eyes.”

“Four Eyes? I haven’t heard that since grade school.”

“I haven’t been called a gnome since grade school.”

“Did everyone call you Dave?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m going to tell my brothers I moved next to Dave the Gnome.”

“Shut. Up.”

Somehow, even with horrible grade school nicknames resurfacing, Levi was finding it hard to be upset. He spent the afternoon lecturing Hange about her garden and she absorbed every word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I made a Dave the Gnome reference...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your life is sad if you’re grateful to be talking to me at two in the morning."

He should have known something was wrong. Hange came to his house one night after work. She seemed disoriented, still in her lab coat, rubbing her eyes, her smile was too forced. She asked him for flyers to his self defense class. He should have known to ask then. Instead he found out through a news report about a series of rapes and muggings happening on Hange’s campus. He wasn’t sure why it made him upset that she didn’t tell him. He resolved to talk to her about it as soon as she returned home.

It was eleven thirty and she hadn't returned. Not that he was her mother or anything, but he worried something might have happened. He started calling her as he put a jacket on over his pajamas. No answer. This could mean a few things. Either she was working, or something happened. Or she was on her way home. Either way, he was going to check on her. As he hopped in his car, Hange called.

“Hey, Levi. It’s extremely late,” she said.

“And you’re not home,” he said.

“What are you the neighborhood watch now?”

“No. Just with what’s going on at your campus, I want you to be safe.”

She chuckled on the other end. “Thanks for your concern.”

“Don’t thank me. I’ve seen too many traumatized people come to my class. I can’t let you go through that.”

“Stop deflecting. I’m genuinely grateful.”

“I’m coming to your campus to make sure you get to your car safe.”

“I won’t be done for at least three hours,” she said.

“Then I’ll grab a cup of coffee at the 24 hour diner and start work late tomorrow,” he said.

“I’ll let security know you’re coming. Tell someone on campus that you’re looking for Dr. Hange. They’ll escort you to me,” she said. “Why would I let security escort me to my car when I have my own personal attack human?”

“Don’t patronize me. You’re one of a few people I actually tolerate and I don’t want something bad to happen to you when it’s within my power and skill set to help.”

“Oh, you have a special set of skills? Are you Liam Neeson?”

“Shut up. I’ll be there in three hours. Let me know if anything changes,” he said.

“Good bye, Levi!”

He hung up in a bit of a huff. In reality he was just glad she was letting him help. He went to the diner and ordered a coffee. He was well aware of the eyes on him, he was still in his pajamas after all. He didn’t care much, he was on a mission. In exactly three hours, he went on campus and was stopped by a security guard. As soon as he said who he was and who he was looking for, all initial harshness was gone. He was being walked through the campus like he was a dignitary.

“You look like a student, y’know. You Dr. Hange’s kid brother? ” the guard asked.

“No. I’m her friend,” Levi said.

“‘Her?’ Thank you! I’ve been trying to figure out what she was for ages,” he said.

“You could have just asked her pronouns,” Levi said.

“Well...that’s so rude.”

“Not really. I asked her and we’re friends now.”

It dawned on Levi that he’d been identifying Hange as his friend. He easily masked the feelings of confusion and horror that gripped him at that moment. He was Levi Fucking Ackerman. He didn’t do the whole “friend” thing. There were people he didn’t mind talking to and people he wished would shut the hell up and leave him alone. Though...he was in the habit of telling people he tolerated to shut up. It was only when they were making him uncomfortable, like Hange’s never ending barrage of praise and gratitude. He didn’t really do anything that amazing. Why should she be grateful for things from him? He arrived at the labs and waited for her in the lobby. She came downstairs looking disheveled and exhausted.

“Levi!” she said with a grin.

“Don’t smile like that. You look like you’re about to fall over,” he said.

“I can smile whenever and about whatever I want,” she said.

“You ready to go?”

“Yes. So ready.”

He let her lead him through the campus. They were silent. Mostly because Hange was tired. She yawned now and then.

“When was the last time you took a self defense class?” he asked.

“A few years ago,” she said.

“You didn’t take one with me.”

“You’re being extra protective.”

He sighed. “Look, this is completely up to you, but I really want you to take my class.”

She slowed down a bit until she stopped. Her eyes were on the ground. “I’m an adult, damn it. Why do I still need to worry about getting the shit beat out of me?”

“I’m sorry. I was pushy,” Levi said.

“No, you’re just being a friend.” There was that word again. “I’m a walking target and you know it. Sometimes because they don’t know what I am, I’m threatening to them somehow. People think I’m some woman trying to be a man. And some men think I need to be taught a lesson. What will it teach me? I’m not trying to be anything! I’m just comfortable in these clothes! And I’m not a woman most days. I’m just not. What would hurting me prove? What do they want me to do, put on a skirt and wear lipstick? What does that do? I’ve done that and all I’ve gotten were lewd comments and shit. I’m always told to pick a gender and stick with it. But that’s not how it works! It’s not how _I_ work! There is no choice I can make in which I will be completely safe and completely true to myself.” Levi waited until she regained her composure. “But I’ve chosen to be myself. That puts me in danger. That’s the world we live in. I have to be prepared. I’m taking your class.”

They were silent again as they started walking.

“Do you need someone to talk to?” Levi asked as they neared her car. She sniffed.

“Don’t get me wrong, I was never raped or violently attacked. But I have been roughed up a bit. Y’know, the usual, two held me down while one guy punched,” she said.

“That sounds like an attack to me,” Levi said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah. I do,” she said.

“Meet me at the diner. We’ll talk there,” he said.

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“Your life is sad if you’re grateful to be talking to me at two in the morning,” he said.

Hange laughed. “Then I’m glad my life is sad. I hope it’s miserable.”

As he sat there with her in the diner, he knew that they no longer were just thoughtful neighbors. He wouldn’t be up this late (early at this point) talking about a very personal story with someone if he didn’t consider them his friend.

He was extremely annoyed that he wasn’t upset.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Levi...I really can't say too much, next few chapters delve into his friendships a little more. Did I reveal too much already?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had been so confident at home, but now as he stared at his face in the rearview mirror he had many, many misgivings.

Levi grew to know that nothing with Hange was one hundred percent normal. He was watering the flowers in his front yard before work, when Hange drove up. He was lasar focused on her. He texted her when she wasn't home before he fell asleep. She told him she was working late. He called her again when he woke up at six and still didn't see her car in the driveway. She was still working. She arrived home at seven thirty in the morning. She managed a half hearted wave and Levi nodded in response. Windex and Lysol seemed to materialize out of no where. Lysol lingered near Levi and Windex daringly went to Hange's side. She smiled a bit and went to her mailbox.

“I hope you're staying home today,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said. She shifted through the letters. She let out an ear piercing squeal that caused Levi to drop his hose and Windex and Lysol to duck for safety.

“What the hell?” he shouted. All of her drowsiness melted away as she jumped up and down with an orange and black envelope. She opened it and squealed louder.

“I got an invitation!” she shouted and waved the envelope in the air.

“To Erwin's Halloween party? You know everyone in the neighborhood is invited,” Levi said.

“I know, he told me about it weeks ago!” she practically sang. “I'm so happy!”

“So you already knew you'd get the invitation and you're still excited?” Levi said.

“Of course!”

“It's just a dumb party...” Levi said.

“I've got the perfect costume and I've been dying to wear it,” she said.

“You already have a costume?”

“Yes!” she said. He picked up his hose and tried to finish his watering. She marched over. “Well, aren't you going to ask me what it is?”

“No.”

“Come on, ask me!”

“No.”

“Fine. I'm going as Legolas!”

Levi stared at her. She sighed, “Legolas is--”

“I know who fucking Legolas is. I read the books.”

“You read Tolkien?”

“Yeah.”

“Awesome. So who are you going as?”

“Myself in an alternate universe.”

“Which consists of what? A T-shirt and jeans?”

“Yes.”

“No, no. Erwin told me that you never dress up and that's not fun at all.”

“I don't usually enjoy wearing just a T-shirt and jeans and cruddy tennis shoes. On Halloween I do. I'm fine with it, why should you force me to do something I don't want?”

“All right, all right. But maybe you and I could do a costume together! Like you can be Gimli!”

“No.”

“Frodo?”

“No. And before you say any more I'm not going as Aragorn, Boromir, Elrond, Eomer, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Smeagle, Gandalf, Sarumon. No one. Not doing Lord of the Rings.”

He turned on the hose again and returned to his flowers. Hange seemed slightly dejected, but he was certain she'd get over it.

“What about Bilbo?” she said. He sprayed her with the hose.

“No!” he shouted.

She laughed a little, he hadn't gotten her too wet. Hange waved her hands. “All right, all right!”

“Are you serious this time?” he said.

“Yeah, I give. But it would still be fun if you wore a costume. Well, I'm going to sleep,” she said.

He watched her go. He finished watering his plants in a bit of a huff. Who did she think she was? Erwin and Petra had been trying for years to get him to dress up for Halloween, but it never worked. Why should things be different for her? They had been his friends much longer than she had ever been. What made her think...

Damn. There was the friends thing again. He glanced at her house and then turned off his hose. He wondered if he still had that old thing...

* * *

 

Levi sat in his car for at least ten minutes. He had been so confident at home, but now as he stared at his face in the rearview mirror he had many, many misgivings. Eventually, he grabbed the bag of candy Erwin asked him to bring and went to the door. He knocked and hoped no one heard, but Erwin answered. Levi looked him up and down. Glasses, painted on tattoos, a third eye, and a black and purple sweater vest.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Levi asked.

Erwin smirked, “Who are any of us supposed to be? The construct of self is but an illusion.”

“What?”

“Cecil Baldwin, from ‘Welcome to Night Vale,’” he said.

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s an interesting podcast. I listened to it because a lot of the kids and most of the staff in the English department and media center really like it and I thought it’d be fun to do the morning announcements Night Vale style. Apparently it was a hit.”

“You look interesting.”

“I could say the same for you. You actually wore a costume!”

“I dusted this old thing off.”

“But you—”

“Shut up. What can I do to help you?”

Erwin sighed but smiled nonetheless. “I didn’t finish making all the party favors. Petra was working on them, but I told her to go enjoy herself. Can you put the last batch together and bring them out back?”

“Sure. Save me a hard cider, as payment,” Levi said. Erwin returned to the party as Levi silently agonized while finishing the task assigned to him. It was his custom to help at every party he was invited to, but Levi knew he was stalling. Once people saw him, he could never, ever live this down. Never. He wanted to leave. He wished he had just come as he always did, in a t-shirt and jeans, and disappointed his friends for another year.

“Damn it, that word again,” he mumbled. This was all Hange’s fault. He just knew it. He tried to drag out the making of favors, but unfortunately, he worked too efficiently. Levi grabbed the basket and headed down to the party. He decided to do this. Just this once. He could pretend this never happened for all eternity afterward, but he’d try, damn it.

As he opened the door, Petra let out an excited scream in perfect timing to the blast from an orchestra. The music was timed for his entrance.

“He’s here! The Phantom of the Opera!” she cried from across the yard. Levi glared at Erwin who only chuckled. He had someone watching him and waiting for this exact moment. And the spy was...he glanced over where the sound system was and saw the smug face of Hange. He narrowed his eyes.

“Damn you, Erwin,” he said.

“No, no. Stay in character,” Erwin said. If they wanted to play this game, he’d play. He adjusted his mask and slicked back his hair and descended the back stairs in time with the music. He had a theatrical side, he had chosen to be the Phantom for a reason (other than he owned a really nice tuxedo and wanted to wear it).

He glared at the curious faces. “Why so silent good messieurs?” he said. Petra’s squeals got only louder. He sure as hell wasn’t singing the damn song, but he knew the lines well enough. “Did you think that I had left you for good?”

He marched up to Erwin and put the favor basket in his hand. “Did you miss me good, monsieur? I have written you an opera. Here I bring the finished score: ‘Don Juan Triumphant.’” He turned away with a flourish of his cape. “Fondest greetings to you all, a few instructions before rehearsal starts.”

Levi wished he hadn't revealed that he actually knew the musical very well. If he ever thought people would stop talking about this, he had just ensured that they never would. Though he didn't sing the words, he did match the tone quite well, and he knew all the lines from the scene. He was in the moment, and though he could feel his heart beating a mile a minute out of sheer nerves, he was sort of having fun.

He marched over to Hange last, the person who was the cause of this. Her excitement practically radiated off of her. He studied her Legolas costume (which was freakishly accurate) and grabbed her collar where her Fellowship broach was. “Your chains are still mine, you belong to me.”

Hange laughed as the song ended. Levi didn’t hear the applause. Hange crushed him a hug and wouldn’t let him go.

“You didn’t look like the type that would like Phantom! But you’re so good at it!” she said when she finally stopped laughing. “I’ll gladly be your Angel of Music any day!”

“The relationship between Erik and Christine is highly unhealthy and I do not advise you model any relationship after theirs,” he said.

“Thanks for the PSA,” she said.

“You’re welcome.”

Petra ran toward them from across the lawn, Oluo close behind her. The light in her eyes was something Levi hadn’t seen from her in a while, not since their days on the gymnastics team.

“Levi, that was so amazing!” she said. He stared at her. He had seen the dress she was wearing in passing before, but he couldn’t place where.

“Who are you supposed to be?” he asked.

“Don’t change the subject!” Petra said.

“Answer the question and we can talk about me.”

“Ugh. I’m Anna from Frozen,” she said.

“Never heard of it.”

“Not the point! You dressed up this year!”

“I put on a tuxedo, a cape, and a mask,” he said.

“But you never even try to dress up! I’m so happy!” Petra said.

Hange excused herself. “Erwin said we’d owe you two hard ciders for that. I’ll be back.”

“You sure as hell do,” he said. Hange skipped off.

“What made you change your mind this year?” Oluo said. Levi didn’t answer right away, but studied Oluo’s costume. Black domino mask, black bandana, black poet’s shirt, black pants, and boots.

“You’re Dread Pirate Roberts, from Princess Bride,” Levi said.

Oluo grinned. “Yeah! But um...you didn’t answer my question.”

Hange returned and handed Levi two bottles of cider. “What did I miss?”

“Levi was just about to tell us what made him decide to dress up this year,” Petra said.

“Oh, I _have_ to hear this!” Hange said.

Levi narrowed his eyes and frowned deeply as he popped open the bottle. The three of them stared at him intently and he downed it. Hange grabbed the second bottle before he could stall further. He glared, but she held it above her head.

“I can still jump,” he said.

“And so can I,” she said. “What made you change your mind?”

“I thought I’d have a little fun with my...friends...” he said. Before he could reach the bottle Hange was dangling over his head, Oluo and Petra crushed him in a hug. Hange slipped the second bottle of cider into his hand and walked away to talk to someone else. He watched her leave and tried to ignore Petra’s giggles and Oluo’s barely controlled sobs. This was entirely Hange’s fault.

He acknowledged her as his friend. He had to acknowledge the others as his friends. He wondered how the hell she did it, or if she even knew. Regardless, he had gone out of his comfort zone.

He didn't exactly regret it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi said he was going as himself in an alternate universe. You thought I'd make him wear the survey corps uniform didn't you? Nah. That would lead to a tear in time-space. I'm not dealing with that in this fic.
> 
> What did everyone else do on Halloween?
> 
> Mike and Nanaba weren't at Erwin's party. They were at a different party as Shrek and Puss and Boots respectively. Everyone thought Mike was the Jolly Green Giant. This made him a little sad.
> 
> Armin, Mikasa, Eren and the rest of the teenagers did not want to go to Erwin's party. I mean as cool (and attractive) as he is, he is still their school principal. Going there would be awkward and lame, it's embarrassing enough that he lives so close to them. They ended up pulling pranks on people (and each other). Armin thought this was a bad idea. It was.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t know why but every year around the beginning of November, Levi would call his mother.

He didn’t know why but every year around the beginning of November, Levi would call his mother. The call wasn’t significant, he’d call her every few months just to check on her. What was significant about the November call was that he’d invite her to have Thanksgiving with him. Almost every year, he’d get the same response. A half hearted “Sure…” only for it to be retracted a day or so later. He almost didn’t call this year. He almost didn’t offer. He talked himself into at least calling. Things seemed normal, they talked about the goings on of her life for a bit. Then came the moment of truth. He had no idea why he was still asking her, begging her, to be in his life, but he kept trying anyway.

“Do you want to come over for Thanksgiving this year?” he asked.

“Of course, Levi! I’d love to!” she said. Levi almost dropped the phone. He hadn’t expected such a quick and enthusiastic response. He was half tempted to match her excitement, but he kept his tone as neutral as possible. Too much excitement might scare her from coming.

“Don’t worry about food. I’m taking care of it. What time do you want to come?” he asked.

“How about around three? Will you let me help you with the cooking?” she said.  
  
“Sure, Mom. Of course,” he said.

“I’m so excited. See you Thanksgiving Day!” she said.

“Good bye.”

He sat in his chair as he hung up and stared at the wall for what seemed like eternity. Lysol hopped onto his lap and began to press her paws against his chest. Levi didn’t know if he was excited, he didn’t know if he was happy. His mother was coming to his house for Thanksgiving. After all these years, she was finally coming. He ran his hand over Lysol’s back and she purred and snuggled closer to him. He almost didn’t believe the exchange happened. She accepted his invitation so quickly.

“Used to think the only family I had was you and Windex,” he said to Lysol. If he was honest, he wasn’t completely convinced that his family dynamic had actually changed. But he really wanted to hope it was the start of something better.

* * *

He waited a week before he started getting truly hopeful. He waited for the change of plans. Nothing came. He was too scared to call his mother and ask if she was still coming. With a degree of cautious excitement, he got ready for a lavish meal for two. He bought a turkey, small, but it would feed them and have some left over. Not just any turkey though, he went way out of his way to find a farm raised turkey from a reputable farmer. If he could have watched it being slaughtered, he would have done so. He had a vegetables and herbs from his own garden, but he farmer’s markets to pick out just a bit more and buy things he hadn’t grown. With all the ingredients assembled, he carefully began to plan sides and start to agonize over décor. He took out his fine china and made sure settings for two were washed and perfect and polished his silverware and candlesticks. He was breaking out the good tea and wine this year. Dessert...well, he couldn’t decide between pumpkin and apple pie, but it would be amazing either way.

Everything had to be perfect. His mother had to regret every single Thanksgiving she’d missed, forgotten, or blown off. Their last Thanksgiving was so long ago, but Levi remembered it. There was no heat in the house, the oven didn’t work. He remembered he could barely see over the top of the table so he had to sit on a stack of phone books. They had TV dinners and his mother was smoking at the table, downing beers, and crying over his father. Or was it one of her boyfriends? That part wasn’t too clear. Those things aside, through a haze of drunkenness or self loathing she looked directly at him, put out her cigarette and just smiled. She smoothed his hair and caressed his cheek. She didn’t say anything really, but she kept her absent smile the entire time. Some families verbalized their lists of things they are thankful for, but Levi’s was always internal and silent. That year, he was thankful for the colorful box that came with his TV dinner (that became a garage for his toy cars) and his mother’s smile. He hoped, he honestly hoped, that she was thankful for him.

This year, even with the high quality food he was buying and all the careful planning that would make Martha Steward proud, he just wanted his mother to be happy. He wanted to add his mother’s smile to his silent list of things he was thankful for at least one more time.

* * *

The week of Thanksgiving came. Levi went over his checklist for some finer details that weren’t done yet. He had to vacuum again, starch and iron the table cloth. He had to make sure there were wine glasses ready for whatever wine his mother chose to drink. Even though he cleaned thoroughly, he wanted to make sure the dining and living rooms were absolutely spotless. He really didn’t want her to smoke in the house, but he knew she would, so he had ashtrays ready and enough air freshener burn a hole in the ozone layer in a zenith over his house for when she left. He came home from work that Monday distractedly going through his list. He almost didn’t see there was a voice message left for him. He decided to play it on speaker as he started to work on the table cloth. The iron was just heating up to the perfect temperature as the automated woman told him he had one new message. His hand lingered over the iron’s handle as the message started.

“Hey...Levi, honey. It’s Mom.”

His hand dropped. The rasp in her voice was like sandpaper on the inside of his ribcage.

“I’m sorry something just came up. Um...I won’t be able to come to your house for Thanksgiving. Maybe Christmas? Sorry, hon. Good bye.”

Levi closed his eyes and turned off the iron. There were a million reactions he could have had and he focused on folding up the table cloth with marked precision. He dared to hope that just once she’d pull through. The ironing board and iron were stored away with equal emotional distance. Well now, he had all this nice food and no one to share it with. The hurt hadn’t settled in yet. He was still in a state of emotional shock, and he had to do something before his reactions took a hostile turn. He dove into the comfort of action.

Change of meal plan. Since it was just him, he no longer needed an entire turkey, he knew he had a free range chicken he had yet to eat. He calculated paring down all of his sides and dishes. He’d skip dessert entirely. No, he’d make homemade ice cream instead. He opened his refrigerator. Now to be rid of all the food he wasn’t going to eat. Throwing it out was not an option. Even in the sickening rage that was starting to build, he couldn’t throw out food. Plus he had grown some of it himself. There was an answer. Mechanically, he called Erwin.

“Levi! This is an unexpected call,” he said.

“Do you know if any of your students or faculty need food for Thanksgiving? I have a whole turkey and a ton of vegetables that I’m not going to eat. I think it should go to someone else instead,” Levi said.

“You’re not eating turkey for Thanksgiving?” Erwin asked.

“No.”

“Why did you buy it?”

“I just bought it. Now I don’t need it. I want to give it to someone who does.”

“If you bring it by my house—”

“I don’t want to talk, Erwin. I want to help someone. Give me an address and I’ll bring it myself.”

“Fine. I’ll text you a name and address. But we _will_ talk about this. I know something’s wrong.”

“Shut the hell up.”

He hung up and stopped himself from throwing his phone across the room. There were more constructive things to do. He packed up the food in a box. By the time Erwin sent him the address, he was ready to take it straight there. He knew as soon as he saw the address that it was not the best part of town. He was a house inspector, he’d seen far worse. Levi attempted to clear his mind, focusing only on his route. It was a multifamily house, it took him a few tries to find the person he was looking for. Finally, after several flights of stairs, he found the correct door. The woman who answered looked him up and down suspiciously.  
  
“Are you Maureen Fleurizard?” he said.  
  
“Who’s asking?” she said.

“I’m Levi. Mr. Smith said you are an aid for a boy with Down’s Syndrome at his school.”

She crossed her arms. “And?”

“He mentioned you deserve a reward for your hard work,” he said without a smile. She didn’t say anything, but her hardened stare softened a bit. He placed the box of food in her arms. “It’s yours.”

She looked down at the food and then back at him. Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m trying so hard to keep me and my boys together. I wanted so bad to give them a nice Thanksgiving dinner. And now I really can. Thank you so much.”

Levi managed a small smile. “Glad to help. Have a good evening.”

He started down the hall.

“God bless, you!” she called after him.

There were so many bitter things he could say to that sentiment. One look at her face and he knew he couldn’t say not a one. He just looked at her and nodded. What he wouldn’t give for a mother like her, who obviously fought so hard to be with her children. He couldn’t tell her that either. He just said good bye and drove home. He felt so numb. The hurt of his mother not showing for yet another year and the comfort of helping someone seemed to cancel each other out. He felt nothing. He pulled into his driveway and just sat in his car with his eyes closed for what felt like hours.

A knock on the passenger side window broke the silence. Hange was there, cradling Lysol, but he heard Windex’s indignant yowls. He unlocked the doors and she climbed in. Windex invited herself in as well.

“I don’t like my pets in my car,” he said.

“You look like you need a hug,” she said and placed Lysol in his arms. Windex jealously claimed a spot on Hange’s lap. He held Lysol close as she pressed her little forehead against his jaw line.

“I guess I do,” he said.

“Well, if I know you, you don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “But I saw you like this and I knew I couldn’t just drive off on my road trip without sitting with you for a little bit.”

“You’re leaving?” he said.

“Yeah. Going to see my family,” she said.

“No, I mean were you in your car about to leave?” he said.

“I was.”

“You postponed leaving just to sit with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Who does that?” he said.

“I do! Hey, I have a random idea! Do you want to come with me to my sister’s place?”

Levi stared at her for a long time. “Why would I do that?”

“I know it’s really last minute and I don’t know if you had plans. But if you throw together a bag I’m sure she can squeeze you in. You don’t mind a couch, do you?”

“No, no. Just who randomly invites their friend last minute on a long distance trip to see their family?”

“I do. I just did.”

Levi was silent. “Thanks for the offer, but no.”

“You probably have plans. But it would have been fun for you to be with us!” she said. “You should come for Christmas! It’s at my house this year!”

He looked down at Lysol, to hide his expression. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to smile, or if his bottom lip was trembling from some sort of vitamin deficiency.

“Have a safe trip,” he said.

“Thanks, I’ll see you when I get back,” she said.

They both got out of his car. Windex followed Hange as far as she could. Levi watched Hange pull off and she waved as she drove past. He sighed and went into his house. Another lonely Thanksgiving.

* * *

The table setting was absolutely perfect. Levi had opted not to use a table cloth since it was too fussy for just himself. The roast chicken came out nicely. Green salad, homemade cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes. He had the ice cream maker going for fresh vanilla ice cream to be drizzled with the caramel sauce he’d perfected and pumpkin shavings. He wasn’t going to buy a pumpkin, but Hange called from her sister’s house and insisted he learn to make pumpkin scones by the time she got home.

He poured himself a glass of wine and was ready to begin when he got a phone call. He groaned, but answered it anyway.

“Hey, Levi!” Hange said.

“Why are you calling? Aren’t you supposed to be having dinner with your family?” he said.

“So are you, right?” she said. “But you’re alone this year, aren’t you?”

He paused. “How’d you know?”

“Just a hunch.”

“So what now?”

“I’m having dinner with you,” she said.

“What?”

“Over the phone. I have you on speaker and we’re going to eat Thanksgiving together.”

“What about your family?”

“They’re cool with it. I’ll see them after this anyway.”

He couldn’t help himself. He laughed. He laughed the entire way back to the table and put her on speaker phone as she suggested and set it just far enough so it wouldn’t disturb his eating. He spread his napkin over his lap and shook his head as he began to carve his chicken.

“Where are you sitting right now?” he asked.

“In my niece’s room at her desk. I have a place mat spread so I don’t food everywhere,” she said.

“Nice. What’s on the menu?”

“Let’s see...I got turkey, stuffing, some collard greens, roasted potatoes. Mom insisted she make lasagna, but I didn’t want any. I told her to make it again for Christmas. What about you?”

He didn’t know why it felt so weird for Hange to do this (aside from the obvious). For someone who wasn’t even related to him to go through so much effort to make sure he wasn’t alone. So while Lysol and Windex coiled themselves around his legs or climbed into his lap vying for attention, or little nephews and nieces knocked on Hange’s door begging her to come play, they stayed together until they were finished eating.

He added something to his silent list of things he was thankful for that year.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Fleurizard is a real last name. I actually met someone with that last name and I was all, "Your name sounds like if a Charizard and Venusaur had a baby..." They had no idea what I was talking about, but their children thought I was hilarious. A flower breathing dragon...
> 
> Anyway! Yes, a slight allusion to AU Levi's backstory. It is sad, but it's not over the top tragic. Just enough to make him feel slightly alienated from people and feel like he can't make connections. But no one cares about that, we only care that Hange and Levi were disgustingly adorable friends and ate together over the phone. Yeah, and Hange has a huge family. Like huge.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Very Levihan Christmas

 

After Levi insisted that she attend his self defense class, Hange dutifully attended every week. She said it was to set the example for her interns and a few of the other medical students who also attended. Regardless of the reason, he was glad she was coming. It made him worry just a bit less. Most of the time, Levi and Hange carpooled and took turns driving every week. This one particular day was different from all the others. Levi didn’t know why he was so nervous as they walked out of the rec center together. He had to ask her. It was no big deal, it wasn’t like he was asking her out on a date or anything. He supposed it was still a big day for him anyway. She seemed to sense his unease because she smiled at him reassuringly. It baffled him how she knew.

“You have something you want to ask me?” she said as they got to the car.

“Yeah. Does the offer to spend Christmas with your family still stand?” he asked.

She let out a squeal that Levi could only describe as pterodactyl cry. “Of course you can! Everyone’s going to love you and want to adopt you!”

Levi tried to ignore that last part. “Should I bring anything? Gifts, food, help clean your house?”

“If you could help clean that would be amazing. But even more important than cleaning, you must, must make gingerbread cookies. If you made them they will be to die for,” she said. She clapped her hands excitedly. “All right! So the family stays for a whole week! We go for walks, and sledding, we sing songs, and watch dumb Christmas specials.”

“I’m only going to come on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day,” he said.

Hange blinked rapidly. “Oh! That’s...That’s fine. But you have to wear a horrible Christmas sweater on Christmas Eve.”

He scowled. “No. Never.”

“Come on!”

They got into the car and he crossed his arms. “No.”

“At least bring the gingerbread cookies?” she begged.

“That’s not an issue. I was going to make them whether you asked for them or not. Just no ugly sweaters,” he said.

“You dressed up for Halloween.”

“That’s different.”

“Ugh! You’re so difficult!” she said as she started the car. Her grin only got bigger the farther they drove. “I’m happy you’re coming. Next year, you have to spend the whole week with us.”

“Who said anything about next year? I haven’t even gotten through this year.”

“You’ll love it. You’ll love us. We’ll love you.”

He didn’t know why she was so confident. He didn’t know why he was glad to be invited.

* * *

 

Levi started helping Hange with her house two weeks before Christmas. He handed her a list of things that needed to be done before the family arrived. With surprisingly little debate on Hange’s part, they got started in making the house perfectly clean for the arrival of the family members. Though Hange herself was rather disheveled in appearance her house was not horrendously dirty. Usually he would have assumed that her inability to take care of her yard meant that she didn’t know how to take care of her house. But it was honestly ignorance due to apartment living. Her home was a bit messy in high traffic areas, but otherwise there was nothing a quick dusting, vacuuming, and a bit of furniture polish couldn’t cure. He was more shocked that she didn’t have good china for her company. He offered his, but she refused.

“We have nine children coming to my house. I won’t let them ruin your things. My plates are uniform enough, we’ll just use those,” she said. “We’re not fancy people, like you.”

“I’m not fancy. But wait a minute, _nine_ children?”

“Yeah, you don’t know the rundown of my family. Crash course. There’s Mom and Dad. You must also call them Mom and Dad. If you call them Mr. and Mrs. Hange, Mom will laugh so hard you’ll aggravate her vertigo. If you don’t want to call them Mom and Dad you must call them Lesley and Gunter. Got that?”

“Lesley and Gunter. Yeah.”

“I have two older siblings. Rick is the oldest. He’s got two boys, Kayden and Charlie, one girl, Sandy.”

“Not going to remember that.”

“Just remember Rick. Then you’ve got my older sister, Michelle. She’s got four kids. Two girls, River and Phoenix.”

“That’s hilarious.”

“Let me finish! And two boys, Hunter and Chris. Then there’s me, number three. Then there’s my little sister, Ariana. She’s got one boy, Gavin and a new baby Leanne. And then there’s Shawn, the youngest. No kids.”

“And the kids range in age from…?”

“Kayden is the oldest nephew, he’s ten. Leanne is four months,” she said.

“Gotcha.”

“You’re not going to remember any of this, are you?”

“Not a thing.”

“Just show up and bring the gingerbread cookies.”

“Do I have to be social?”

“Nah, just bring the cookies.”

Levi thought very briefly about calling off the whole thing, about not even showing up. He knew how it felt to be cancelled on. It was a slightly important day and he supposed he should share it with someone. He’d just focus on making the best damn gingerbread cookies he’d ever made.

* * *

 

Levi did not compromise on wearing an ugly sweater. He did however decide to wear a red button down shirt, it was Christmas after all. Paired with a black blazer and black slacks, he felt comfortable. The gingerbread cookies turned out well, but it was baking and he knew he could wow pretty much anyone with that. Hange asked for a ridiculous amount of cookies, but he was up to the task. He arranged them nicely in several cookie tins he balanced precariously in his arms. He could hear the peals of laughter as soon as he left his house. Hange’s house seemed warm and alive and he suddenly wondered if he even belonged there. He promised her cookies. He could at least drop them off if he did nothing else.

He rang the bell and the door opened almost immediately. A man who had to be ten inches taller than him answered. He was wearing a hideous sweater with red and green elves stitched all over. He crossed his arms and leaned on the door jamb.

“And you are?” he said.

“Hange’s neighbor. I brought gingerbread cookies,” Levi said.

“I thought you’d be taller with the way she goes on about you,” he said. Levi kept his face blank. No point in starting a fight on Christmas. “She swears these cookies are going to be amazing. I’ll be the judge of that.”

He took a tin and opened it. He took one of the cookies out and bit off the head of the unsuspecting gingerbread man. “Well, damn.”

“Shawn, are you giving Levi a hard time?” Hange called from inside the house.

“Not anymore. Damn these are good,” Shawn said.

“No more before dinner, Shawn!” another woman said. Levi assumed this was Hange’s mother. She waved him in. “Don’t stand outside, darling! You’ll get cold!”

He entered and she took a few of his cookie tins. A swarm of children came upon her and she held the tins as high as she could without dropping any.

“Grandma! Cookies!” a few shouted. Levi was overwhelmed. So many people, so many horrible sweaters. Hange’s mother smiled at him.

“Hello, I’m Zoë’s mother. Call me Lesley,” she said.

“Levi,” he said.

“We’ll have proper greetings later. Sit next to me at dinner!” she said. Hange came for him and dragged him into the kitchen.

“We need your help! Drop those cookies on the table and get to work!” she said. Levi found this much action and horrid fashion a bit overwhelming, but the pull of work offered him a channel for his confusion. In the kitchen, four men were bustling about.

“Dad, you said you need another pair of hands and we have Levi here,” she said.

“Can he plate the food?” he called from across the room.

“Get me an apron,” Levi said. He folded his blazer and put on the black apron Hange gave him. With very little direction, he set to work making sure each dish got on its designated serving plate and made sure it looked nice. The rest of the family was gathering for dinner as the men in the kitchen were bringing out the food. As the food was set before them, Lesley nodded in approval.

“Everything actually looks pretty this year,” she said.

“It’s all Levi’s doing I’m sure,” Hange said.

Everyone finally sat down and dinner started normally enough. Except Levi was aware of all the eyes on him. Hange was sitting across the table and smiled as she served herself.

“So, Levi, tell us about yourself,” Hange’s father said. Levi swallowed as everyone’s once furtive looks became direct and focused on him. He already felt like he stood out (why didn’t he just wear a dumb sweater like everyone else?) and this wasn’t helping.

“I already know all about him,” one of the younger girls said. Levi raised his eyebrow and Hange gave her a puzzled look.

“Really, River? What do you know about him?” Hange said.

“Kayden said that he’s a lonely rich kid and Zozo is going to adopt him,” she said.

“Kayden...” a woman Levi assumed was Kayden’s mother grumbled.

“What? He lives in that big house all by himself. If he’s not a rich orphan then what is he?” Kayden said. Shawn was cracking up. “How old are you Levi? I’ve always wanted an older cousin.”

“Are you fifteen?” River asked.

“No, I’m—”

“Fourteen!”

“Older.”

“Seventeen!”

“No, I’m—”

“Sixteen?”

He was starting to get impatient. “I’m a little older than Hange.”

"Who's that?"

"I meant Zoë."

“No way!” Kayden said. “Then how come you’re so short?”

Hange almost snorted her drink out of her nose.

“Kids...” Lesley said.

“I didn’t eat all my vegetables when I was younger,” Levi said. Almost immediately, the children’s focus was no longer on him and suddenly on any vegetables they could get on their plate.

“Being short. A fate worse than death,” Levi grumbled.

“You roll with the punches pretty well,” Hange’s father said.

“Can’t get through life if you don’t,” Levi said.

Hange’s parents were the most low key of the group it seemed. He was glad Lesley insisted he sit near them. Seeing Hange’s familiar face made dinner a bit easier as well. Next to him he learned was Hange’s oldest brother. Even if nothing was said, Levi could tell from the nose, they literally had the exact same profile. Their personalities however seemed to be opposite, as he was quiet most of the time save for a comment here or there. He barely spoke to Levi, but he was honestly glad he didn’t.

Dinner had no incidents, though there was a lot of talking. Levi took refuge in cleaning up the dining room and kitchen along with Hange’s older brother and brother in laws. He almost dreaded going into the living room. He had decided to linger behind and wash dishes as did Hange’s brother. They quietly sized each other up.

“How about, I wash and you dry?” her brother said.

“Sure,” Levi replied. They worked side by side for a few minutes without a word.

“I’m Rick, by the way,” he said. Levi nodded. “Zozo...I mean Zoë, must really like you. She never invites anyone over for the holidays. Well, there was her one boyfriend a while ago. But we honestly thought they were going to get married.”

“Really?” Levi said absently. In reality he was dreadfully curious as to who would have gotten that far with Hange.

“You should ask her about ‘Chewbacca.’ It’s what all the kids called him,” Rick said. Levi snorted. “You look too nice to be hanging around with us. Did Zozo not tell you about the ugly sweater thing?”

“She did. I didn’t want to wea...I don’t have one.”

“Oh, I know. The tradition’s stupid. You don’t know us well enough to go along with it.”

“Did Chewbacca go along with it?”

“Yeah, but he’s a different person than you are, and he actually knew us for a while.”

There was an ear piercing screech that interrupted the conversation. Three of the kids skidded into the kitchen, each with partially eaten gingerbread cookies.

“Levi! You made the cookies!” one of them (Hunter, Levi thought) cried.

“Yes, I—”

The three of them hugged his waist at once.

“Back off, give the guy some space!” Rick chided.

“He is the cookie master!” one of the girls cried.

“Like a Jedi master but of cookies!” Hunter said. “The Yoda of cookies!”

Levi bit his lip to keep from laughing too hard.

“Finish the dishes and watch us have Gingerbread War!” Hunter told him. The three ran off.

Levi glanced at Rick who shrugged his shoulders. “You’re a hit. You’re adopted whether you’re a rich orphan or not.”

They returned to the dishes.

“What’s Gingerbread War?” Levi asked.

“Oh. Each kid and Shawn made a gingerbread house earlier this week. Well, more like gingerbread fort. Each person gets a gingerbread ‘army.’ There is a treasure chest of chocolate coins that Mom has. They make catapults out of whatever they want and have a war. Last fort standing gets all the coins. Zozo’s been banned from playing after she won five years in row. Shawn hasn’t won ever. He’s been trying since we were kids. “

“So that’s why I had to make an obscene amount of cookies,” Levi said.

“Was it too much trouble?”

“No, I like baking.”

The dishes were finished and Rick and Levi went to the living room. All the children and Shawn were poised and ready to fight. Lesley was sitting with a cardboard treasure chest of gold coins and a huge smile.

“All hail Cookie Master Yoda!” Hunter cried. Hange snorted out her eggnog as she began to laugh again. Levi tried to ignore her.

“Levi, the children want you to hit the gong to start the Gingerbread War,” Lesley said and handed him the mallet. Levi glanced over them, all arranged in a circle with their homemade catapults ready, looking up at him expectantly. He took it and hit the small gong on the table. He inched his way around the circle so he could sit near Hange who was holding her baby niece.

“So they dubbed you Yoda, huh?” she said.

“I guess,” he said. “Better than Chewbacca.”

“Ugh, who told you about that?”

“Your brother said you dated a guy the kids called Chewbacca.”

“It was Mike. He’s tall and hairy so they called him Chewbacca.”

“Is Star Wars a thing in your family?”

“Definitely. The adults riff on the ‘Star Wars Holiday Special’ every year after the kids go to sleep. You should watch it with us. It’s worse than the prequels and mocking it is so satisfying!”

Levi fell silent as he watched the children and Shawn play. Much to his surprise there was quite a bit of strategy that went into it. The older children clearly had a better grasp of how to build for defense. Shawn had a system down and Levi was quite impressed.

He was so absorbed in watching the game, he didn’t notice Hange was equally absorbed. He also didn’t notice how fast she was bouncing her niece on her knee until he heard the baby gurgle slightly.

“You shouldn’t shake her that much. She just ate,” he said.

“Right...” she said absently, clearly focused on whether or not Shawn was going to finally win this year.

“Hange,” he said to try and get her attention. He decided to do what he did best and that was act. He grabbed the baby from her just in time for his blazer to be covered in vomit. The entire room got quiet.

“Get me something to wipe her face with,” he said. “She’s not too bad off.”

“Your jacket!” Hange cried. Her sister hurried over with her baby bag. She handed him a burping cloth and he dabbed her face gently as she began to cry.

“Hey, hey. It’s all right. Nothing got on _your_ clothes, no one’s mad. You’re just fine,” he said. He turned to Hange. “Help me get this jacket off.”

She nodded and helped him as he steadied the baby with his free arm. He threw the burping cloth over his shoulder and held Leanne close. “Cry all you want. No matter how old you get, you’re always going to hate puking your guts. It’s not fun.” As if she understood him, she calmed down a little. He rubbed her back as everyone else remained dumbfounded. “Well? Let the war continue,” he said.

Shawn took advantage of the children’s diverted attention to resume his attack. Hange hurried off with his blazer and he settled in with Leanne. She was still sobbing a little, but she had relaxed enough to rest her head on his shoulder. Hange returned and sat next to him sheepishly.

“I’m sorry about your jacket,” she said.

“I’ll have it dry cleaned,” he said.

“No, _I_ will have it dry cleaned. I’m sorry this is turning out so badly. Would you like me to put some alcohol in your eggnog or something?” she asked.

He narrowed his eyes. “No. If you need to be buzzed to be with people you chose to be around, then you shouldn’t be there at all.”

The war ended. Shawn won for the first year ever and nearly cried as he hugged his cardboard treasure box of coins.

“All right, kids! Get ready for bed and we’ll have story time!” Lesley said. The kids hurried up the stairs and Hange’s younger sister came to retrieve Leanne. As soon as he tried to hand her off, Leanne began to cry. Not just cry, but scream. Hange’s sister sighed.

“I’ll get her to calm down,” she said.

“Levi and I can get her to sleep,” Hange said.

“Zozo, you can’t just volunteer people for stuff like this,” Ariana said.

“I don’t mind,” Levi said. Ariana sighed and handed Leanne back to him. Almost instantly she quieted down and Hange glanced between Levi and Ariana.

“Well, I’ll go help Gavin finish getting ready for story time. Thanks,” Ariana said, she hurried off after the crowd of children to catch up with her son.

“I can take you to where they’re sleeping. I set up the bassinet in there myself,” she said. They went upstairs together. Levi waited for Hange to break the silence, he knew she would. “How did you get so good with babies and children?”

“I was in a few foster homes when I was younger. One of the better ones had a couple that had a little baby. I helped her a lot. I never really forgot that,” he said.

“Foster care?”

“Mom was usually drunk or strung out, Dad was always missing. State found out and took me away for a little bit.”

“I see,” she said. “Well, here’s the room.”

They entered together. Levi sat on the bed and rocked Leanne as she cooed. Hange sat next to him.

“Are you going back with your family?” he asked.

“Leanne is family. And...so are you.”

He snorted. “When she falls asleep, I’ll take that spiked eggnog. Just one cup though.”

“Oh, need to unwind after all the crazy?”

“No. Just like the taste.”

“Do you want to stay the night?”

“I live next door. I can walk twenty feet.”

“Will you come tomorrow for breakfast?”

He was silent for a while. “I don’t have any gifts for anyone.”

“Just come for breakfast. Everyone seems to like you.”

He grimaced. “Sure.”

* * *

 

Levi didn’t wake up until almost noon the next day. It turned out Christmas breakfast in Hange’s family was like prolonged brunch, he really didn’t miss anything. He trudged over in his pajamas. This time, Hange’s older sister opened the door.

“Well, good morning, Levi! Sorry we kept you up so late,” she said.

“Making fun of bad Star Wars movies is always a good reason to stay up,” he said. When he entered the dining room, he was greeted with a chorus of “good mornings.” He was between Rick and Kayden during breakfast. Kayden was busy playing some sort of video game. Rick greeted him with a nod at first and allowed Levi to fill his plate with food.

“Sorry, Zozo’s not here right now. We told her that you came and she screamed and ran upstairs,” Rick said.

“Funny, that's usually what women do when I’m around,” Levi said.

“I doubt that somehow,” he said.

Hange burst into the room with a colorfully wrapped box.

“Levi! “she cried.

“No yelling, it’s too early!” her father said.

She ignored him. “I got you a present!” She put it on his lap and he blinked slowly. How long had it been since he’d received a gift that was so carefully wrapped? He put his hands on it as if to assess if it was real or not. “Open it!”

“Stop yelling, Zozo,” her mother said.

Levi carefully unwrapped the paper tearing very minimally at the ends where the tape was. Hange looked as though she were about to die because he was taking his time. It revealed a wooden box. He flipped it open to find it full of seeds. His jaw dropped. Kayden looked over his shoulder.

“It’s just a bunch of seeds,” he said. “I don’t get it.”

Levi ran his hands over the packets slowly as the children clustered around him.

“Levi doesn’t have his angry face anymore,” Hunter said.

“Christmas miracle!” River said.

“Good god. When you don’t scowl you look practically ten years old,” Shawn said. “Are you sure you’re not a rich orphan?”

Levi didn’t seem to hear any of them, he simply looked up at Hange completely dumbfounded.

“Your look of childlike wonder tells me you might actually like my gift,” she said.

“Thank you. This is probably the best birthday gift I’ve gotten in a while,” he said.

Hange blinked rapidly. “Birthday?”

“Are you Jesus?” River asked.

“No, but it’s my birthday,” Levi said.

“You didn’t say anything! I didn’t know it’s your birthday!” Hange said.

“How can you be someone’s friend but not know their birthday?” Kayden asked.

“It’s fine,” Levi said. “I’m very happy.”

“Congratulations on your eleventh birthday, Levi,” Shawn said.

“Shut up, Shawn! Happy birthday, Levi!” Hange said and gave him a hug. He froze. He never knew how to react to hugs. Then the children crowded as close as possible and began to sing “Happy Birthday.” This was a little overwhelming and he actually retreated into Hange’s hug. She only held him tighter, unaware that he was using her as a sort of shield. He could not stop the rest of the family from a group hug in his honor. Everyone was too close. He was getting dizzy.

“Guys, I think Levi is having an affection overload. We should stop,” Hange said.

“Just as well. It’s family picture time!” Hange’s father declared. He started to set up the camera on a tripod as the others corralled as Lesley instructed.

“I’ll take the picture,” Levi said.

“Nonsense. Get in with us,” Lesley said. Levi sighed, but Hange grabbed his arm and stationed him next to her.

“I don’t think I belong here,” he grumbled.

“What did I tell you? We love you, so we’ve adopted you,” she said.

“Without my consent, of course.”

“I really want you to stay. But If you want to leave, just leave. There’s no pressure.”

He sighed. Hange’s father ran from behind the camera to join the others in the picture. Hange was right. If he wanted to leave, he could go. She was holding his arm, but her grip was not tight enough to stop him if he really wanted to get way. He could just walk out the door, leave the family photo. No one would have evidence he was there. Instead, he put a hand over one of Hange’s and forced a half smile as the camera flashed.

* * *

 

Hange honestly expected Levi to leave as soon as he could. Instead, he lingered around, finding the niche he needed. As loud as everyone else was, Levi gravitated toward Rick, her father, and Leanne, all of whom did not do well with too much noise. Leanne was curled comfortably in his arms as she tugged at his monogrammed robe. Hange smiled as the four of them sat by the fire place. Levi didn’t seem to mind Leanne’s drooling, or Rick’s awkwardness, or her father’s sarcasm. He was comfortably leaning in and making eye contact, carrying on conversation, and dabbing Leanne’s chin occasionally. She was still surprised at this gentle, almost fatherly side of Levi. Her sisters joined her in watching the scene.

“So this is the one you spent Thanksgiving dinner with?” Michelle asked.

“Yeah. I couldn’t stand the thought of him being alone, not when I can help it,” Hange said.

“Saved him from being alone on Christmas _and_ his birthday. Good job,” Michelle said. “He has such a mean face, but the kids really like him.”

“I swear if I wasn’t done with babies, I’d like a few of his,” Ariana said.

Hange laughed. “Levi? For real?”

“Zozo, the guy is amazing. He cleaned your house, he’s an excellent baker—and he makes the food look _nice_ too, he’s good with babies and kids, he owns a house, he dresses well. I’ll put up with his sarcasm and scowly face if I get all that,” Michelle said. “He’s just kinda...unf, y’know?

Hange couldn’t hold back her laughter. “Don’t let him hear you. He doesn’t know how to handle compliments and I think you might break his brain.”

“So humble! Aside from the grouchiness he’s near perfect! Are you dating him?” Ariana asked.

“No, he’s just my friend,” Hange said.

“That’s how things started out with Mike,” Ariana said.

“And look where that went. It didn’t end in tragedy, but we ended up right back where we started. I think I’m fine being friends with people,” Hange said.

“Regardless, I’m glad he’s here. He gives our family a touch of class, y’know?” Michelle said.

Hange looked over at him. The three men had become preoccupied with Leanne, who was laughing hysterically at her father as he tickled her with his mustache. Levi was carefully curling a lock of her hair around his finger and she swore she saw a smile, however faint. Hange took a sip of hot chocolate to hide her own grin.

She was glad he was there too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, god, Hange's family. I wish I could spend a lot more time developing them. Hange seems like a big family kind of person, though.
> 
> Later in the day, Erwin, Oluo, and Petra all show up to bring Levi gifts. All the children say, "Three kings bringing gifts for Jesus!" Levi spends the rest of the day in agony as Hange tries to explain all the logical reasons why Levi is not Jesus.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's at Oluo's

Anything could have happened that night, Levi was attending Oluo’s New Year’s party after all. He honestly was expecting it to be glitzy and decadent, but instead it was extremely low pressure. Dress code was casual, you could bring whatever booze you wanted, though Levi felt this was unneeded, Oluo was a fantastic amateur mixologist. All he was asked to do was show up. Levi did just as asked. When he arrived at Oluo’s rather posh condo, he expected one of two people to answer: Oluo himself, or Petra. Instead it was Erwin. Levi nodded at Erwin’s slight smile.

“Come on in, the party’s gotten quite interesting,” Erwin said. A familiar laugh filled the room.

“Hange’s here?” Levi asked.

“Yes. Turns out she and Oluo have a few mutual friends aside from you.”

Levi wanted to snap that he had no friends. He was doing a remarkably bad job of living up to that statement. As they drew closer, he noted a crowd was around one person in particular. It was Hange’s friend Mike. He was sitting on the couch flanked by a person of undetermined gender and Hange who was mostly of no gender. Mike sniffed the air.

“Hm...Odin EDP 03 Century. Hange’s attack human, Levi,” he said. Hange glanced over at Levi and giggled as he approached. Levi raised his eyebrow.

“Well, is he right? Is that the cologne you wear?” she asked.

“It is,” Levi said.

“That’s not even human, Mike,” she said.

“What? I liked his cologne, so I remembered it and tried to find it for myself. Doesn’t do anything for me, though. Oluo’s wearing it too,” he said.

“But how can you even smell it? He doesn’t bathe in it like a teenage boy,” Hange said. Mike had his arm around the other person who looked at Levi curiously.

“So Nanaba, this is Levi, Hange’s neighbor,” Mike said.

“He’s not just my neighbor, he’s my friend too, you know,” Hange said.

“I know, I know. Levi, this is Nanaba, my date-friend,” he said.

Nanaba extended a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. What pronouns do you want me to use for you?” he asked. Nanaba grinned and turned to Hange.

“You’re right, he _is_ good. I know it doesn’t look it but I’m a demigirl. Please use ‘she,’” Nanaba said.

“You look how you look. I call you by how you tell me,” he said.

Nanaba’s eyes got wide and she looked back at Hange who only smiled. She turned back to him with a grin. “If I wasn’t dating I’d make out with you right now.”

“Come on, don’t make Mike jealous,” Hange said.

“Not gonna lie, I would too,” Mike said.

Levi retreated so far into his mind to keep from reacting he literally could do nothing but stare.

“Now you’re just making him embarrassed,” Hange said. “Levi and I are going to go get a drink together.”

She got up and dragged him away. She and Levi joined Petra and Oluo in the kitchen. Levi watched the two of them closely. Petra was bent over a platter and wouldn’t face them as they entered. Oluo was also not facing them and preoccupied with his assortment of alcohol. Levi was too embarrassed himself to even think about what might have been happening before they entered. He and Hange sat at the barstools at Oluo’s island.

“Thanks,” Levi said finally.

“No problem. Those two mean no harm, they’re just highly affectionate with fantastic human beings,” she said. Levi grimaced and put his elbows on the counter.

“Why were they like that with me then?” he grumbled. Hange slapped his arm with violence.

“I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. You know why,” she said. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. Oluo finally turned to them flashed them both a grin.

“What can I get for you?” he asked.

Hange held up her martini glass. “I don’t know what that thing was that you made, but it was a really pretty green color.”

“That was an Oluo Original, I’ll make you another. And for you, Levi?”

“Scotch,” Levi said.

“Anything else?”

“With ice.”

“Coming right up!”

Sometimes Levi thought Oluo should own a bar or night club. He seemed so in his element mixing drinks.

“Trying to wash all that affection out of your mind, huh?” Hange said. Levi narrowed his eyes and scowled.

“No, Hange. You don’t understand. This guy would never get plastered enough to forget. He literally does not get drunk. He wasn’t much of a drinker in college, but I remember this one time, we got called out by some frat boys. Instead of fighting, Levi challenged them to a drinking match. Levi knocked back shot after shot and drank a beer between each member he defeated. He literally drank them all under the table. And he was still be able to walk straight and recall the entire night,” Oluo said.

“Woah, really?” Hange said.

“I was probably a bit drunk, but I hid it well. Either way, it’s not a talent I’m proud of. I used to get drunk a lot when I was a teenager,” Levi said. “I just like the taste of alcohol now and then. I don’t drink as much as I used to.”

“You were my hero in college,” Oluo said.

“Mine too!” Petra finally chimed in.

“Don’t start this again,” Levi said.

“No, continue!” Hange said. Levi realized that it was the gathering of his biggest fans. All he’d need now was Eren and Erwin and the club would be complete.

“He was an amazing gymnast,” Oluo said. “I can’t even describe it, just some amazing stuff, and so powerful! Erwin has the tapes, you should see them sometime.”

Levi hunched over and crossed his arms.

“He got certified in self defense and taught a class for anyone who felt they needed it,” Petra added. “He refused to wear the ‘Fight Like a Girl’ t-shirts because he felt it alienated people of other genders who wanted or needed to take his class.”

Levi glanced at Hange who was leaning on the counter with starry eyes.

“Remember that girl Erwin dated who lived in the next state? Levi drove with him to see her for four hours. They got there and discovered she’d been cheating on him with some other guy. Then Levi drove him the entire way back and let him listen to break up songs, and vent, and cry,” Oluo said.

“I can’t imagine Erwin having lady trouble,” Hange said.

“Oh, but let’s not get started on Levi and the ladies,” Oluo said.

“No. You say another word about that and I start smashing all your wine glasses,” Levi said.

“Fine, fine! Subject is dropped,” Oluo said. He slid Hange her drink and poured Levi his scotch.

“Honestly, most guys would be happy to relive the glory days of their endless sexual conquests,” Petra said.

“Petra...” Levi said. He did not growl, but his voice was rather low. He hoped he hid the sadness that dragged at the edges of his voice. She took one look at him and her expression changed.

“Sorry, Levi. I won’t bring it up,” she said. She rubbed his shoulder and went out to bring the food to the other guests. The air in the kitchen was a little somber as Levi received his scotch and began to nurse it.

“Hey! Why don’t you tell Levi how I even knew to ask you to sell me a house, Oluo?” Hange said.

“Oh, yeah! See, I didn’t really draw the connection at first. Hange just walks into the agency and demands I sell her a house and never told me how she knew to ask for me. See Nanaba is my boxing trainer at the gym,” he said.

Levi’s interest was piqued. “Really?”

“Yeah! She’s super sweet, but she can literally knock anyone out. Except maybe you, of course,” Oluo said.

“So you know Nanaba,” Levi said to try and keep him on track.

“Yeah. So you know she’s dating Mike, who is Hange’s friend. When Hange was thinking about moving and didn’t want to move into the same building as Mike, he asked Nanaba if she knew any good agents. She suggested me and I sold her a house and here we are all having a New Year’s party together!” Oluo said.

“Hm. Interesting,” Levi said.

“You and Nanaba in the ring would be so cool! I want to see it!” Hange said.

“I was more into martial arts. I don’t know much about boxing,” Levi said.

“Let her teach you! It would be amazing! You both are amazing!” she said.

“You should learn some things from her yourself,” Levi said. “When you’re done with my class you should go take a few boxing lessons with her.”

“What a great idea,” Hange said. “I’m going to go tell her right now!”

Hange bounded off in search of Nanaba. As soon as she left, Erwin slid into the empty stool next to Levi. Levi hated that he had a sixth sense for when he was upset.

“What’s with the face?” Erwin asked.

“It’s my damn face. I look like this all the time,” Levi said.

Erwin chuckled. “Believe it or not, you don’t. You’ve changed.” Levi glared at him and took a sip of his scotch. “Look, it’s the last day of the year. A new one is starting and it can be literally anything you want it to be. You can embrace the changes, or stop them. It’s all up to you.” Levi didn’t say anything. Erwin elbowed him lightly in the ribs before he got up. “When you’re done, come join Hange and me. We’re talking about her garden.”

Levi got up. “I’m coming now.”

He hated this. He hated that as much as he didn’t need people, he wasn’t terribly uncomfortable being there. He hated that Mike got him to smirk at his jokes, that Nanaba taught him some basic boxing, and somehow he ended up with both their numbers and plans to work out together. He hated that Hange had her arm around him as they counted down to the new year and that he actually counted down along with them (though with not nearly as much excitement).

Except he didn’t hate it. That was what he hated the most.

* * *

Hange and Levi walked out of the condo complex together to their cars. Hange was spinning around and skipping, excited despite it being quite late. Though Levi supposed she worked much later, so this probably wasn’t bad at all to her.

“I’m walking you to your car,” he said.

“Thank you!” she said. She grabbed his arm and laughed.

“What are you so damn excited about?” he said. “You’re not drunk are you? Because I’ll drive you home if you are.”

“I’m not. This is just the first party I saw you look so comfortable,” she said. “It makes me happy.”

Levi sighed. “I acted just like I always do.”

They came to her car and he wanted to wait until she was safely in her car and was on her way home. She paused as she opened the door.

“Hey, Levi. Can I give you the first kiss of the New Year?” she asked. He blinked rapidly. That was unexpected. He was silent for a while and she walked over to him with her hands in her pockets. “Well? Yes or no?”

“Fine. Whatever,” he said.

“Is that a yes, then?” Hange asked.

“Yes,” he said. It was just a kiss. It wasn’t like he’d never been kissed before. So what sort of experimental tongue wrestling was Hange going to unleash on him? He closed his eyes and waited for it.

She kissed his forehead. That simple kiss shocked him more than anything else she might have done. She giggled again and gave him a hug. He put a hand on her back. That was as close as he could get to returning the gesture at the moment.

“Happy New Year, Short Ass,” she said.

“Happy New Year, Shitty Glasses,” he said.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack. I've been itching to get Nanaba and Mike in there. Those two will bring all kinds of fun.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the lights go out...Hange makes s'mores.

The wind howled all night. It practically shook the house. Even before he woke up, he knew something was wrong. He got up in the middle of the night and got a second quilt from the closet. His cats crawled into his bed and curled extremely close to his body for warmth. When he woke up and it was freezing and he couldn’t turn on his lights or turn up his thermostat, he knew. The power was out. He could finish up some paper work at home, his laptop had enough power, but it wouldn’t last long. Plus, he had to worry about his phone...which was ringing at the moment. Hange.

“Hello?” he said.

“Morning! Do you have power?” she asked.

“No, I think the ice storm knocked it out,” he said.

“Come over to my place! I have a backup generator and a fire place! Bring the cats and camp out in my living room with me! Stay the whole day! Stay the whole night! Just come over right now!” she said.

She was practically shouting. Levi had no idea why she was so excited, but he could hear her squealing on the other end.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked.

“I’ve been dying to have you over!” she said.

“I was over for Christmas,” he said.

“It’s not the same! Reiner and Eren are coming over to dig me out and I’m going to help them, because there is a lot of snow.”

“I’m helping.”

“I’ll make hot chocolate! Or do you want coffee? I’m just so excited!”

“I’ll do the cooking. I’ll be over there soon. Bye.”

He hung up. He packed a change of clothes and pajamas into his back pack. With a cat under each arm, he went over to Hange’s house. She opened the door before he even knocked and ran out to take Lysol from him. She cradled her and rubbed her cheek in her fur.

“You get to have a sleep over with me,” she sang. “Come on in and get settled!”

He entered the living room. She'd already set up two air mattresses in front of the fire. It seemed so different without the mob of people from Christmas. Levi didn’t care, it was comfortable and warm, unlike his house which was currently dark and freezing. Lysol and Windex were left to their own devices.

“Did you cat proof your house?” Levi asked.

“As best I could. They should be safe and everything else I’m not attached to. Do you have a litter box for them or something?” Hange said.

“They should be fine for one night,” Levi said.

“What if it’s more than one night?” Hange asked.

He sighed. “Fine. I forgot food for them anyway. But I’m dressed for digging snow. We’re going to get started before those boys get here.”

“All right! I’m paying them extra to clear out your house too,” she said. He paused before he went out of the house. Hange was grinning, bouncing on her heels. He tilted his head in interest.

“Why are you so excited?” he asked.

“I told you! I’ve been dying to have you over!” she said.

“Stop shouting. I’ll be back. Why don’t you get started with the shoveling?”

She rushed off and he shook his head. He did not understand why she was so happy to have him in her house. He got a few things for Windex and Lysol and dropped them off inside. He then retrieved a shovel from his shed and joined Hange in removing the snow from her sidewalk.

She pulled her scarf away from her face long enough to smile at him and he nodded. Her excitement still confused him. Why should she be so excited to see him? He focused on the task at hand, rather than worry about her. The snow was pretty heavy. The powdery snow that had fallen first was now weighed down by the ice that fell afterward. It was pretty slow going and he wondered how Eren and Reiner were going to manage. They were pretty strong boys, but this was still a lot of work. Even he had to admit this was a bit taxing. Hange didn't complain, but he could tell, they were barely into shoveling and she was getting tired.

“Hey, Dr. Hange!” Eren cried. Levi and Hange stopped shoveling as Eren approached with Reiner and another boy, Bertholdt if Levi recalled correctly.

“Hello, boys. I see you brought a friend,” Hange said.

“Yeah. I know I said it'd be Reiner and me, but Bertholdt offered to help. The snow is kind of heavy so...” Eren said.

“No, it's fine. I can pay you extra. I really appreciate it,” Hange said.

“No, Dr. Hange, I can't do that to you,” Eren said.

“How about this: _I'll_ pay you extra. Hange's helping me since my power's out. I think I owe it to her,” Levi said.

Eren's eyes got wide. “But Levi!”

“I just told you what I'm going to do. Don't debate and get to work. The snow isn't going to go anywhere on its own,” Levi said.

“Then you guys shouldn't help us,” Eren said.

“I'll help as long as Hange is helping,” Levi said. “As soon as she goes in, I'm done.”

There was no more debate after that. They set about clearing the snow. Hange stayed out longer than Levi thought she would, but as soon as she trudged toward the house, Levi went in with her, just as he promised. They took of their wet things in the foyer. Hange rubbed her shoulders.

“I'm going to feel that in the morning,” she said.

“I'm more worried about your lower back. You really should lift with your knees,” he said.

“Ugh. You sound like my father,” she said. “I'll show you to the guest shower if you feel you need to wash up.”

Levi hadn't really been given the grand tour of Hange's house. He knew it was huge. He was tempted to ask her why she'd bought such a big house when it was just her. He supposed he'd have a lot of time to ask her all sorts of questions today. But he had a few things to take care of first. He showered quickly and opened his back pack. He had packed ingredients for chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate. He had an idea of where Hange kept things, since he had helped clean up at Christmas. He found a pot and a few cookie sheets and set to work. While he waited for the milk and chocolate to simmer perfectly together, he whipped together the cookies. Windex and Lysol must have been preoccupied, they didn't come into the kitchen while he was baking like usually did. Hange came into the kitchen.

“Something smells divine,” she said.

“Where are the cats?” he asked. She giggled as they rubbed themselves against her legs.

“Right here,” she said.

“Can you keep them busy while I finish up here?” he said.

“You got it! Oh, I'm starting the fire. I was thinking we could roast sausages and hotdogs,” she said.

“All right. I'm making a salad for us to eat beforehand, though,” he said.

“So healthy,” she said. “Oh, and I have stuff for s'mores! We should make some!”

“I've never had one,” he said. Hange gasped and put her hands to her mouth. She rushed over and grabbed his shoulders.

“Never! Not once? Not one s’more even store bought?” she asked.

“I've never had a s'more,” he said. She hugged him tightly.

“You poor, precious, neglected baby. I'll make you so many you'll explode,” she said.

“Pleasant thought...” he said. “Now let me finish.”

Hange scurried off with the cats. Levi set the cookies to bake, poured three to-go cups full of hot chocolate, and two mugs for Hange and himself. When the cookies finished baking, he set them all on a cooling rack and started cutting the vegetables for the salad. As it was only about two in the afternoon, much too early for dinner, so he decided to make sandwiches for Hange. Of course, he couldn’t leave the boys overworked and starving, he decided to make sandwiches for them as well. It baffled him as he went through Hange's refrigerator that he had no misgivings about going through Hange's kitchen. But he knew how inefficient it would be to go back and check with her on every little thing. If she didn't want him to go through her kitchen, she'd let him know.

The boys finished up just as he finished packing them individual lunch bags. Hange paid them, he matched her price, and sent them away with food and hot chocolate. Hange waved to them as they left and Levi went back to the kitchen to set a place for the two of them to have their late lunch. She joined him at her kitchen counter.

“I can't believe all that you've done in such a short amount of time,” she said. He slid her plate and her mug toward her. “Stop distracting me with acts of kindness.”

“No. You did something nice for me. I have to do something nice for you too,” he said.

“I have this huge house so I can fill it with people. I don't think I'm doing anything special by having you over,” she said.

“Fill it with people?” Levi said. The concept was foreign to him. By comparison, his house was small, but he wanted it small. It was a way to keep people away from him. He had no room, so no one could come over. Though he did have more than enough room to entertain, he knew it. Hange traced her finger along the lip of her mug.

“I want to have my friends and family over as often as possible. I want them to come stay with me and be close,” she said. “The house I grew up in was big. Five kids, y'know. I think I'm trying to recapture that.”

“You can just have five kids of your own,” Levi said.

She laughed. “No way. I don't think that's going to happen.”

“You can adopt,” he said. She sighed.

“I know. I really considered it,” she said. “My schedule's just too crazy. I can't neglect a child like that.” She didn't look at him as she ate her sandwich. Her eyes lit up as she chewed. “This is so good! How do you make such delicious food? I cook to survive, but not much else.”

“It's not a big deal. It's just a sandwich,” he said.

“Everyone else in my family cooks so well, even my in laws. The guys for some reason are a cut above the rest. You saw, they were the ones cooking Christmas dinner,” she said. “I'm hopeless.”

Levi was silent. She was sharing parts of her life with him and he wanted to do the same. Not especially deep things, but little details about his life that he never bothered to tell anyone. The feeling, the idea that he was going to expose things he kept private scared him so much he couldn't speak. Like a dam full of holes and cracks he was bound to break at any moment.

“I didn't learn how to cook properly until I graduated from college and got my first apartment. Erwin and I were roommates in college and we agreed to room together for a while until we could afford to move out on our own. We shared the responsibility of cooking. We tend to compete with each other, so we worked on cooking better dishes to try and outshine the other. We became obsessed with cookbooks. We were too poor for cable, so we watched whatever cooking shows were on public access television. When we finally were able to move out, we both had an army of recipes under our belt,” he said. He didn't look at her as he spoke. He didn't want to see her face, how she would react in somehow getting him to talk so much. When he dared to look, all he saw were wide eyes and a smile.

“Wow. That's pretty cool,” she said. No gushing, though he could tell by her expression that she felt a deeper admiration than she let on. But it seemed that she knew when he could handle her gushing (even though he didn't want it) and when he couldn't. They talked about a few other things over lunch.

“It's still too early for dinner, what do you want to do?” she asked.

“I have some work to do. Sorry,” he said.

“Don't be! I have to review some lab results anyway. Double check the intern's work, y'know. Though this is Moblit, I probably don't have to worry too much. I was going to procrastinate and do it tomorrow, but I can do it now,” she said. “Can we work together, though?”

Levi looked at her curiously. “Together?”

“Yeah, like parallel play, but parallel work. I think I work better when someone's next to me,” she said.

He shrugged. “Fine. Why not?”

She grinned and ran to get her laptop. He sat on the couch before the fire, plugged his laptop in and started his work. She settled in beside him and started without so much as a word. They didn't speak, but he did have to admit, there was something very companionate about this. They stole glances at each other when their eyes got tired of the screen. Windex and Lysol were nearby. Lysol was still exploring, Windex walked right across his lap a few times and fussed with Hange’s ponytail. This was as close to a domestic scene that Levi had ever been in. He didn't know what to call this warm feeling that filled his chest. He met eyes with Hange as he tried to ignore it.

Safety. It was a feeling of safety. How had she succeeded where so many of his friends failed? True, he had a degree of trust with all of them, Erwin especially. But even Erwin didn't inspire this feeling of safety, Levi was constantly shutting him out. Here she was just sitting there and he wanted to stop his work and just talk to her. He stopped himself. All in good time. Friendship did not have a time limit, there would be time to tell her things about himself.

* * *

Both of them worked well into the evening. By the time they were ready for dinner, it was very late, late enough for Hange to suggest that they get ready for bed. Besides, lounging around by the fire in pajamas was very appealing. Levi insisted they eat his salad first and Hange did not object. But he was happy when they were by the fire, roasting sausages at their make shift campsite. Hange kept knocking her roasting stick against Levi's. He rolled his eyes.

“Do you live to sword fight with everyone?” he said.

“If you had stayed over for the entire week at Christmas you would have seen the annual light saber tournament. Dad says I fight like a Highlander,” she said.

Levi chuckled. “A Highlander? Why not a Jedi?”

“No, no. Jedi are too restrained,” she said.

“What about the Sith?”

“Still too much control. I need to fight with energy and passion!”

“So, is Highlander your favorite movie?” Levi asked.

“Hell yeah it is!”

“Huh. Not what I expected.”

She smirked. “So what _did_ you expect?”

“I don't know. Weird Science, Revenge of the Nerds, Short Circuit, a Star Trek movie. Something like that.”

“Well, I like all of those. And I'm a rebel in my family because I like Star Trek more than Star Wars.”

“Really? Then why did you let the kids give Mike a Star Wars nickname and not a Star Trek one?” he asked.

“They don't really like Star Trek, they'd never remember the nickname I chose.”

“So does every person you bring to Christmas get a nickname?”

“I guess, but I don’t normally bring people to Christmas with my family,” she said. Hange took a bite out of her sausage. “Nope. Just you and Mike. The only ones.”

“I’m part of a privileged group,” he said.

She snorted. “If you consider Christmas with the Hanges a privilege.” She grimaced a bit. “I’ll bet you’re wondering about Mike, aren’t you?”

“A little.”

“There’s not much to tell. He’s a great guy. We were good friends, we tried a relationship for a year, almost two. It didn’t quite work, so we just went back to being friends. He’s my best friend forever, just not my soul mate, y’know?

“No, I don’t know. I find the idea of soul mates to be a crock of shit,” he said.

Hange laughed. “I figured you would. Mike and I are always friends. I am just comfortable with him the way I’m comfortable with family. Something was missing and he knew it too. We actually tried to break up with each other at the same time. That was actually pretty funny.”

“You’re the only person I know who’s had a funny break up,” Levi said.

Hange sighed. “I know. Are you done with your sausage, yet?”

“No. I’ve been talking to you this whole time.”

“Well, I’m done and I’m making s’mores. You have to try one,” she said.

“Fine.”

“I just can’t get over that you are a bit of a nerd,” she said. “You just don’t seem like the type.”

“What type should I be to like those things?” he asked.

“I don’t know. You just don’t seem like you should. Like you’re too serious and realistic to like science fiction and fantasy,” she said.

“Well, I like them.”

He became silent as he ate and Hange was preoccupied with roasting her marshmallow.

“I’m glad you do,” she said absently. “We have even more stuff to talk about.”

He watched her sandwich the marshmallow between graham crackers and chocolate. She stuffed hers into her mouth.

“Well, do you want one?” she asked, her mouth still full of food. Levi wrinkled his nose.

“Sure.”

She grabbed another marshmallow and started to roast it.

“So, I know you’ve read ‘Lord of the Rings.’ Have you seen the movies?” she asked.

“Of course. I own them all, extended cut and director’s commentary,” he said.

“Woah, excuse me! Are you into Star Wars?”

“Yeah. Own a Darth Maul double blade light saber.”

Hange almost dropped the marshmallow into the fire. “No way, really? You have to compete in the light saber tournament next year!”

“Let’s not get hasty now. I like Darth Maul, but don’t let that make you think that I liked the prequels at all. They were shit,” he said.

“I agree. Um...what about Star Trek?”

“Not really into it. Vulcans seem cool, though.”

Hange grinned. “You have to watch a few episodes with me. I think you look more like a Next Gen sort of guy. I’ll start you off with a few handpicked episodes.”

“So that means I have to come over again,” he said.

“If you want to...” she said.

“Maybe.”

“I’m just kind of glad you’re a big nerd. Being a bunch of geeks is how my family bonded, y’know? It’s fun to share the love with people.”

“Hm...it was sort of the opposite for me.”

Hange gave him a quick glance. It was both surprised and questioning. She didn’t ask anything, though. She made a s’more and handed it to him. Levi turned it over in his hands. She grinned.

“Your first one. Go on, try it,” she said. He took a bite and almost lost the energy to chew it. He did though and swallowed hard. There was something welling in him that he couldn’t place.

“I used to skip school to read. My friends didn’t know. By the time they found me I was out in back of the library, pretending I had been drinking all day. Well, I actually _did_ drink all day. The librarian was nice though. Even though he could tell I was a little smashed, he let me come in, no questions asked, no calling the police, the school, or my parents. I came and I quietly read Tolkien, Le Guin, Bradbury, Orson Scott Card, anything that was fantastic and out of this world that I could get my hands on. Because...” He paused. He didn’t want to look at her, to see the pity. She was waiting for him to continue. He drew a ragged breath. “I just wanted to forget. That my father didn’t want me. That I reminded my mother of people and places _she_ wanted to forget. That she drank and got high to try and forget about me and I was doing the same thing to try and forget about her. That my friends only liked me because they thought I was rebelling against ‘the man’ or something. I didn’t want to rebel, I just wanted to be lost. I thought that if I could pretend, if I could insert myself in a fantastic story, that if I could believe my life was key to humanity’s survival, I would feel better. If I could be the chosen or the strongest, it would mean my life meant something. It worked as long as I read.” Hange moved her hand close to his and he looked at it. Instead of taking it, he tapped her knuckles. She smiled and wiggled your fingers. “Science fiction and fantasy got me through some dark times until I learned I already meant something. I enjoy them still. Sorry, to bring you down.”

She didn’t say anything right away. Windex wormed herself into Hange’s arms during the pause in conversation. Hange held her close and Windex responded to her kindness by pawing at Hange’s nose. Hange giggled.

“You didn’t bring me down. You just let me in,” she said. Hange rested her head on his shoulder. He didn’t know how to tell her that the idea was scary. He knew even less how to tell her that he was more afraid that he wasn’t truly scared that he’d let her in. Instead, Levi rested his cheek on top of her head. She hugged his arm and he removed it immediately. She tried to draw away, thinking he didn’t want to be touched, but he put his arm around her.

“S’mores aren’t as bad as I imagined them to be,” he said.

“You’re going to find a way to make it better and prettier, aren’t you?” Hange said.

“Maybe.”

He rubbed her shoulder with his thumb and she wrapped her arm around his waist. Lysol tried to squeeze in between them. Hange giggled.

“I think they’re trying to get warm,” she said. “Come on you guys, get close. We’re all friends here.”

“Yeah,” Levi said as he scratched under Lysol’s chin. “We are.”

* * *

He didn’t know when they fell asleep, when they curled up on their air mattresses and dozed off. He remembered waking up to a different ceiling and sitting up with a start. He heard a slight groan and he couldn’t move his arm. He looked beside him to see Hange fast asleep. He sighed, Lysol and Windex curled near her, (since he was a wild sleeper, it made sense that they preferred her). Hange had his sleeve clutched in her fist. He smirked and pried her fingers off. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

“I’m making breakfast,” he said. She hummed and closed her eyes again. “Do you want anything?” She nodded. “What do you want?” She shrugged. “I’ll make something and you’d better like it.”

“I will,” she mumbled.

He got up and put on his robe. He was comfortable. In her house, with her. He let her close, he let her touch him and hold him and there was nothing awkward about it. He was ready to stay. For days. If he wasn’t afraid of the pipes bursting in his house, he hoped that his power would stay out for a little longer.

Hange was not the first to try and get close, but she was the first to slip past his defenses so effectively. She was in now. Much to his surprise, he didn’t feel like forcing her out.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Petra and Oluo were acting slightly out of their usual characters. Both had plans on Valentine’s Day and were mysterious about it.

The phone rang and Levi begged that the person he was calling wouldn’t pick up. However, the person in question _lived_ to receive calls from Levi, so of course they answered.

“Levi! How’s it going?”

“Fine. Fine,” Levi said. He rubbed his free hand on his pant leg. This was more nerve wracking that he thought it was going to be, he always hated being the first to ask. “Listen, Valentine’s Day is coming up and I was wondering if you wanted to do something, maybe.” The silence that followed made him more nervous. “Don’t make me repeat myself. Do you want to go out for drinks, or not?”

“I’m sorry. This is the happiest day of my life. Levi, of all people, asked _me_ to go out for drinks!”

“Don’t make this awkward,” Levi said.

“No, no! I’m just sorry I can’t make it. I have plans.”

“Let me guess. Petra’s ‘Single Awareness Day’ Party? I didn’t get an invite this year.”

“No, something else.”

“Oh. Another time then.”

“He said, ‘another time...’ The door’s still open.”

“I can hear you, Oluo,” Levi said.

“Oh, um. Yeah! Another time! Bye!”

Levi found this strange. Oluo would never pass up a chance to hang out with him. Perhaps Levi’s pride was hurt. Since Hange had basically infected his life, Levi was trying to be a more attentive friend. He didn’t like that his attempt to be friendly was spurned. Maybe spurned was a strong word. Since he couldn’t hang out with Oluo, he wanted to go to Petra’s party. Usually, she’d have sent out invites a few weeks in advance, but he hadn’t received one. Maybe it got lost. The only way to know for sure was to call her. He dialed her.

“Hello, Levi. You don’t usually call. Is something wrong?” Petra asked.

“I didn’t get invited to your party this year,” he said.

“Straight to the point, as usual. No, you didn’t get an invite. No one got an invite. I’m not having it this year, I have other plans,” she said.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“What’s ‘oh?’ about it? I have plans!”

Levi was trying to think of an appropriately friendly response. “I hope you have fun. Stay safe and call me if you need to.”

Petra laughed. Levi took this as a good sign. “I’ll be careful. Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon, I want you over for dinner sometime.”

Levi did not want to have dinner at Petra’s house. He did not want to be Petra’s version of social.

“That would be great,” he said in as neutral a tone as possible.

“Bye now!” she said. As she hung up, Levi found himself terribly curious. Both Petra and Oluo were acting slightly out of their usual characters. Both had plans on Valentine’s Day and were mysterious about it.

“They’re dating,” Levi said. If only he could confirm it somehow. His phone was ringing. He hoped it was Oluo to change plans, but it wasn’t. It was Nanaba. Nanaba wasn’t one to call frivolously, she probably wanted to go the gym with him or something. He was greeted to a series of giggles. Nanaba was also not a giggly person, not around him at least. It was someone else. Nanaba was trying to quiet whoever was laughing, but he already had an idea as to who it was.

“This is Nanaba’s phone, right?” he asked.

“It is,” Nanaba said.

“And I’m on speaker phone.”

“Yes.”

“And Hange’s there, right?”

“Right again,” Nanaba said.

He slapped his forehead. This could not end well.

“Hange and I are a little curious. You see, Oluo’s been training with me every day. He wouldn’t tell me why at first, but he said he’s trying to impress someone,” Nanaba said. “I think it’s—”

“A Valentine’s Day date!” Hange said. She wouldn’t stop laughing.

“Yeah. I wanted to follow him and see how it goes.”

“Why?” Levi asked.

“This is Oluo we’re talking about. It’s bound to be entertaining, don’t you think?”

Levi had to agree, but didn’t want to say so out loud. “Why aren’t you doing this yourself?”

“Well, Nanaba and Mike are too noticeable in public. They’re both so pretty and Mike’s so tall. They’ll be noticed right away. But you and I can blend into a crowd,” Hange said.

“So you think you and I should follow Oluo while he’s on his date?” Levi asked.

Hange laughed even harder.

“That’s the idea,” Nanaba said. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I’ll do it,” Levi said.

“Really?” Nanaba said.

“Great!” Hange cried. “I’ll come up with the perfect disguise! Except...I don’t know what people wear on dates.”

“We’ll take care of you. Meet up with us at four and I’ll have Mike following Oluo around guerilla style most of the day.”

“You guys have seriously planned this,” Levi said.

“Kind of.”

“We’re gonna be spies, Levi! This is going to be so much fun!” Hange said.

“Maybe. Good bye,” he said.

He went from having to no plans to spying on people. He was curious to see how this played out.

* * *

 

He arrived at Mike and Nanaba’s apartment after he inspected a few houses. He was already dressed for the night, slate grey suit, pink shirt, matching patterned pocket square. He’d even gone the extra mile and bought a bouquet of pink roses. Nanaba buzzed him in. As he entered the building, couldn't ignore the curiosity as to what Hange would decide to wear. She could literally choose anything. He knocked on the door and waited. Nanaba answered with a smile.

“Hey, come in. Hange’s almost ready,” she said.

“I bought flowers. You should take some for yourself,” he said.

“They’re really nice, I think I’ll take a few.”

Hange was sitting in the living room, her hair in loose waves over her shoulders. She was pouting and continued to pout even after she saw Levi was there. He handed her the roses and she hugged them and sighed.

“What’s with the face? I think you look decent,” he said. She wasn’t dressed especially different. She was in a pair of black pants that actually fit. She was wearing slightly pointed metal toed motorcycle boots (he wondered if it was a remnant of her time with Mike). She had on a basic black shirt with an over sized, red cardigan. From the size of it, it looked like it was one of Mike’s.

She sighed. “I don’t want Nanaba to style my hair.”

“Why not?”

“She pulls too hard!”

Levi glanced over at Nanaba who only shrugged.

“Will you let _me_ style your hair?” he asked. She glared at him but her look softened a bit.

“Sure.”

She turned so he had access to her hair. He had to admit, Hange’s hair had effortless waves that he certainly wanted to sink his fingers into just for the sensual pleasure of it. He loved the feel of running his fingers through someone’s hair, though he’d never say it or act on it. It took a degree of self control not to spend too much time with her hair or do something she wouldn’t like. He couldn’t see Hange agreeing to anything other than a ponytail. Instead of a high one, he put it in a low one. He raked his fingers through her waves gently and slowly. Any knots had mostly likely been taken out by Nanaba. He pulled her hair into a hair tie and was finished.

“That’s it?” Hange said.

“That’s it,” he said.

“I think that’s all you needed in the end,” Nanaba said.

“Then why did you put me through the seven layers of hell for a damn ponytail!” Hange cried.

“I just wanted to get the tangles out!”

“So violent!”

“Let’s just calm down and wait for Mike to tell us where to go,” Levi said.

Hange pouted as Nanaba took the bouquet away from her.

“I’m claiming some of my roses,” she said. “It’ll make a nice centerpiece for dinner tonight.”

“I want to have a nice, quiet Valentine’s Day dinner inside. Why can’t Levi and Mike go out together and you and I can be Mission Control?” Hange asked.

“Because Mike is the distracting one because he’s tall,” Nanaba said as she cut the roses. “Besides, he and Levi would be an extremely hot couple and they’d be extra distracting.

“Well...what about you and me?”

Levi smirked. “You two would look good together.”

Nanaba grinned. “We’d look way hotter than both of you combined. But I’m cooking dinner for Mike.”

“I can cook dinner for Mike,” Levi said.

“But then I’ll just be jealous of Mike.”

“Hm...and I'd still be out and not having a quiet Valentine’s!” Hange said.

“If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to,” Levi said. She whined and hugged his arm.

“No, I do. I’m just still mad Nanaba pulled my hair so hard. She said people don’t have knotty, greasy hair on dates,” she said.

“I don’t think it’s fair for you to go through discomfort to look nice. But are you comfortable now?” he asked.

She tossed her pony tail a little. “Yeah. And my scalp feels much better actually. I think I might actually look good today!”

“As long as you are comfortable and happy, then you’re attractive.”

Hange drew back and looked at him with wide eyes. He was confused. Why did she pull away so suddenly?

“Damn it, Levi!” Nanaba called from the kitchen.

“What?” he said.

“Are you aware that you say the sexiest things?” she said.

“What did I say?”

“What every person wants to hear,” Nanaba said. Hange started to laugh but she pulled her knees to her chest and kept her distance. The distance bothered him and it almost seemed like she curled up in a defensive position.

“Levi’s effortlessly sexy. I don’t think he even realizes what he’s doing,” Hange said.

Levi sighed. “Don’t talk about me like that...”

As if to save him, all three of their phones chimed at once. Mike.

“Oluo has just entered a restaurant with flowers. We need to get there ASAP,” Hange said.

Levi got up. “Let’s go.”

“I’ll drive! Oluo doesn’t know what my car looks like,” Hange said. He agreed, but before they left he stopped her.

“Nanaba, may I borrow a pair of scissors?” he asked. She handed them to him. He pulled two roses from Hange’s bouquet and cut the stems short enough to fit into a pocket. He put one in his breast pocket and the other in the breast pocket on Hange’s borrowed cardigan.

“The look is complete,” he said. Hange managed a silly giggle as she linked arms with him.

“Shall we go?” she said.

It seemed Hange was back to normal. She was casually touching him and laughing. He hoped this was a sign of a good night.

Wait, they were spying. A good night was only determined by what they managed to find. But it would be so much more fun if he enjoyed it a little too.

* * *

 

Apparently, Levi’s expressionless face made him seem like he had some sort of authority. The restaurant Oluo chose wasn’t especially fancy (Levi worried that it might be). When he walked in and asked for a table, he was treated as though he were someone famous. He scanned the room for Oluo, and once he spotted him, refused every table until he felt he and Hange could observe him without being recognized. Because he looked so important the staff complied with his requests. It seemed Oluo’s date was not there yet and he was checking his phone several times.

Hange watched him out of the corner of her eye. “Is he being stood up?”

Levi shook his head. “If it’s who I think it is, something might have held her up. She’s not the type to play games, but...she might with him.”

Hange was texting under the table. “Date...is...late...”

Levi hit her lightly on the head with his menu. “Hey. At least pretend to be an attentive date.”

“I would be if you were more interesting,” she said. Levi snorted and looked through the menu. He saw a few things that looked good. Hange leaned in close as she glanced at a woman who entered.

“Is that Petra?” she asked. Levi glanced up and focused on Hange’s face again.

“Yeah. I knew it,” he said. Petra went straight to Oluo’s table and he hugged her tightly. Hange grinned with excitement as she moved away.

“She looks so pretty! Can I let Nanaba and Mike know who Oluo's date is?” she asked. She clapped her hands. “Even better! Selfie!”

“No...” Levi groaned.

“Yeah! I can get them in the background!” she said. He sighed and moved closer to her. She held up her phone and angled it just so she could catch Oluo and Petra in the background.

“Now let’s smile!” she said. Levi couldn’t and in the resulting picture he looked annoyed. “Ugh, your face is terrible. But it’s not really about us.” She sent the picture to Mike and Nanaba.

“Send it to Erwin too,” Levi said.

“You got it,” she said. Once she finished she picked up her menu. “We should eat to celebrate!”

Now that she was distracted, Levi took the time to study her face. True, he looked at her a lot, but he never really _looked_ at her. Most prominent was her nose, of course. But it was not off putting, not to him. He wondered if anyone she’d dated before traced their fingers along the bridge of her nose. It was tempting to do so and he wasn’t even dating her. Her eyes and mouth were highly expressive. Perhaps plain to others, but he knew the way her eyes would sparkle with excitement, or the weird shapes she’d made with her mouth when she was confused or pouting.

She slammed her menu shut.

“I’m ready to order,” she said.

“Good,” he said. He ignored the way she looked at him as he took a sip of water.

“Why were you staring at me?” she asked. His sip of water turned into downing the half the glass.

“Just wanted to be convincing,” he said.

“Oh! Well, I can be convincing too!” she said. She rested her chin on her hand and stroked his arm. He did not know what to do and he wanted to draw back but she grabbed the sleeve of his suit jacket.

“No, no. Be convincing now. If you’re on a good date, you shouldn’t be pulling away from their touch, right?” she said. Levi huffed. “Can you smile, just a little?”

“No,” he said. Instead, he moved his arm a bit so he could hold her hand. Her glasses slid down her nose a little as her mouth hung open. He hadn’t seen Hange look like a deer in the headlights, it was almost comical. He stroked her knuckles with his thumb and she adjusted her glasses and ran a hand through her bangs. The waiter came along with his pad.

“Are you two ready to order?” he asked.

“Yes!” Hange said. He wouldn’t let go of her hand and she became hyper focused on her menu as she placed her order. He ordered as well, and with no menus or waiters to save her, she was left holding his hand.

“Does it bother you?” he asked. She coughed and looked away.

“Not at all,” she said.

“I’m not being sarcastic. If you want me to stop, I will,” he said.

“No, no. You're fine.”

“Good. You know, you’ll blow our cover if you don’t smile,” he said. She closed her eyes and put her free hand over his. He had honestly expected this to be accompanied by a confident smirk of some sort, but it was a real, soft smile. He had no idea why that relaxed him, making all the tension drain from his body. She laughed a little.

“Shawn’s right. When you don’t scowl you really do look ten years old,” she said. He chuckled at that.

“I turned eleven, remember?” he said.

“Oh, right. You look eleven years old.”

Levi didn’t let go of her hand, and she seemed much more relaxed. He wasn’t lying: when she was comfortable, she was more attractive.

* * *

 

Oluo and Petra were a classic couple. The tradition of dinner and a movie was to be expected. Hange followed them to the movie theater. Levi sighed as he saw that Petra was dragging them into a romantic drama. He remembered she’d tried to get him to watch those to gauge his emotional reactions. Of which he had none.

“Oluo is perfect for this,” he mumbled. “Text everyone the movie title. I think Erwin’s going to die laughing. I’ll buy the tickets.”

“Wait, why? I can pay for my ticket!” Hange said.

“No. You’re driving. I’ll pay for the tickets,” he said. She didn’t object, and texted everyone as requested. They were a touch late, so it was likely Oluo and Petra would be more focused on the screen than on people entering. Levi sighed in relief as Oluo sat in the one set of seats that had an empty pair behind them. Not the best vantage point, but it would prove for interesting results. Hange settled in beside Levi.

“Ugh, I’m going to be bored out of my skull,” he whispered.

“We’re not here for the movie, remember?” she said. Petra was absorbed in the movie, but Oluo was clearly focused on her. Levi had a sick feeling.

“If they start making out, we’re leaving. That’s one thing I don’t want to see,” he whispered.

“No, it’s for science! We have to stay!” Hange whispered back. Levi groaned and slouched in his chair. Levi knew the moves Oluo was going to make (because he learned them from Levi, of course). The arm around the shoulders. Petra liked this and moved closer. Nudge her temple with your nose. Petra seemed to like this as well. Levi was not liking any of this and wanted to die. Temple kiss, cheek kiss, kiss just below the ear. Check, check, and check. He glanced over at Hange. She was not watching Oluo or Petra at all. Levi could not ignore it.

Next came the kiss on the corner of her mouth, just to get her attention. Petra turned, he could see the top her head. Like clockwork. Then came the real kiss. He tried to get up, but Hange grabbed his arm and pulled him into his seat. He focused on glaring at her as he tried to ignore the lip smacking going on in front of him. He actually liked the two of them together, he just didn’t want to see (or in this case hear) anything. Was she not seeing any of it?

There was a muffled gurgling sound and the kiss ended.

“Did you just bite your tongue?” Petra whispered. “Wait, did you just try to bite me?”

Levi almost lost it. He doubled over to try and stop his laughter. Hange rubbed his back.

“Are you all right?” she asked. He nodded and bit his lip to try and keep quiet. There was one step Levi told him to skip. That was the biting. Biting was something Levi liked to do, but advised against it in Oluo’s case. This just proved his advice was warranted.

“Did he _actually_ try to bite her?” Hange asked. Levi nodded and kept his hand over his mouth. She crossed her arms. “Just...who does that? Why would you even do that?”

“Oh my god...” Levi said as he held his sides. “We _have_ to tell Erwin this.”

* * *

 

Hange and her fellow spy escaped the movie theater unseen. She wanted to follow Oluo and Petra home, but it seemed Levi had more Petra and Oluo lip locking action than he could handle. The drove back to Nanaba and Mike’s apartment for a full report. They all sat at the table, and while Hange and Nanaba discussed the details over beer, Levi and Mike were making the roses into matching flower crowns.

“Sounds like you two had an exciting night,” Mike said. “Spying and a date all rolled into one.”

Hange laughed. “Nah. It was all a spying.”

“Still, sounds like fun,” he said. He placed his finished crown on Nanaba. She leaned over and kissed him. Levi tossed Hange her flower crown.

“You want it, Shitty Glasses?” he asked.

“It _is_ pretty. But it goes much better with your outfit,” Hange said. She placed it on his head as he glared at her.

“Aw, Levi, you look so cute,” Nanaba said.

“Don’t say things like that,” Levi said.

“Picture time!” Hange declared. She gave him no time to take off his crown. She held out her phone for the picture. Mike took it from her.

“My arms are longer,” he said. Hange put a hand on Levi’s shoulder.

“Come on. We’re not convincing if you don’t smile,” she said.

“I know,” he replied and put a hand over hers. She couldn’t look at him afterward and focused on the picture. Which had his face.

“It’s nice!” Nanaba said. Hange just nodded.

“I’ve got to go,” Levi said.

“I’m staying over tonight. I’ll walk you to your car, though,” Hange said.

“Suit yourself.”

They were quiet as they left and quiet as they rode the elevator. As they left the building Hange decided to force the conversation.

“Well, spying and all, I had a lot of fun with you tonight,” she said.

“It wasn’t bad, I guess,” he said. They approached his car and she was ready to say good bye and get away quickly.

“Shitty Glasses.”

“Yeah?”

“I made this damn flower crown for you,” he said.

“Oh, um...I’ll wear it, but it doesn’t match anything I’m wearing, y’know?” she said. They stopped walking and he placed it on her head. Then he kissed her cheek. Hange froze in place, the rush of heat to her face was a touch overwhelming. Levi did not smirk or smile. He seemed as indifferent as ever.

“There. Pink roses, pink face. Now you match,” he said. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Shitty Glasses.”

“Yeah, whatever...” she mumbled. She couldn’t even say a proper good bye as he drove off.

She was only sort of joking before, but now she was certain, Levi couldn’t possibly realize what he was doing when he said and did things.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. There's something for you guys.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi’s silence was usually purposeful, but this felt odd. He wasn’t looking at her and his scowl wasn’t as harsh. “I was thinking...maybe you might want to come over for dinner on tomorrow. To celebrate the new gardening season.”

Hange had carefully followed Levi’s instructions for how to prepare seedlings and her pots for the coming spring season. She was trying more difficult plants than last year and she was eager to get started. She texted Levi earlier that week to ask if she could use some of his compost, and he was willing to share. It was going to be a relaxing weekend. True, work was about to pick up and get a little crazy, but the constancy of her garden lent some relief. She was preparing a weekend of fun, gardening activity.

That Saturday morning, as she mixed the compost and soil on a tarp she saw Levi approach the chain link fence that divided their yards.

“Just climb over,” she said. He glared at her, but hopped the fence. It was obvious from his clothing that he was ready to work outside as well. Though it baffled her how he could make old, dirty clothing look appealing. She grinned as he got closer.

“Are you ready for this season?” he asked.

“I’ve been following your instructions all winter!” she said. He nodded.

“I’m getting my beds ready, too,” he said. He was lingering and silent. Hange was curious now. Levi’s silence was usually purposeful, but this felt odd. He wasn’t looking at her and his scowl wasn’t as harsh. “I was thinking...maybe you might want to come over for dinner on tomorrow. To celebrate the new gardening season.”

Hange couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe even the slightest bit. Levi was asking her to dinner. In his house.

“Of course! Of course I want to come over for dinner, yes!” she said and took his hands in hers.

“You’ve been handling compost...” he said. She released him.

“Right! Sorry! Can I still come over?”

“Yes. Come between five and six.”

Hange could not stop squealing with excitement. She felt a new energy as she started getting her little deck garden ready for plants. It wasn’t until she finished for the day and hopped in the shower that she realized something. Something dreadful and horrible. She jumped out of the shower, still soaking wet and dialed Nanaba hastily.

“Nanaba! I need help right now!” she cried.

“Hange? What’s going on?” Nanaba said.

“I’m going over Levi’s house for dinner and I don’t know what to wear!” she said.

“You're going over Levi's house for dinner?”

“Wait!” she could hear Mike in the background. He wrestled the phone from Nanaba’s hand (it sounded like) “You’re going over _who’s_ house for dinner?”

“Levi!”

“Sweet! Promise me you’ll make out with him! For me!”

“Mike, not now! I’m going to embarrass myself if I don’t wear something nice!”

“Hange, stop freaking out,” Nanaba said. She calmed down. She wanted to talk to Nanaba anyway. “If I know you, you hopped out of the shower and are soaking wet. Put me on speaker, turn off the shower and dry off. I’ll talk you through this.” Nanaba was right. Hange did just as she suggested. As she toweled off Nanaba helped her organize her thoughts. “Now, did you wash your hair today?”

“Yes,” Hange said.

“Will you be in the garden again tomorrow?”

“Probably, not for long.”

“Might want to wash it again after,” Nanaba said.

“Why? What if it’s not dirty?”

“I know you. Just wash it again.”

“Fine.”

“What happened to that nice sweater I gave you? The green and yellow one?”

“Um...” Hange ran to her closet and started sifting through her things.

“You didn’t give it to an intern for another job interview, did you?” Nanaba asked.

“No! At least I don’t think so...” she said. She found the one she was talking about. “Got it!”

“Good, now wear that over that pale pink check shirt. The one you never know how to coordinate,” Nanaba said.

“But won’t that be gross looking with all the patterns?” Hange asked as she hung them both on the door of her closet.

“No, the check is very small in comparison with the sweater’s bolder pattern. You’re fine.”

“What pants do I wear?”

“I don’t know. Nice jeans. Nice jeans that fit and don’t look like they’re tied on to your waist with a belt.”

“I don’t have those!”

“Yes, you do. Your sister bought you a pair for Christmas. Did you forget already?”

“N-No...” Hange said.

“Sure. Those should be nice enough not to sag all over the place,” she said. “You’ll be fine.”

“But do I wear jewelry? What do I do with my hair? Do I wear ma...make up?”

Nanaba sighed. “Look, as awesome as Levi is, going to his house is not like going to Buckingham Palace. I’m sure he’ll be glad to have you exactly as you are, just touch more polished than usual.”

Hange fell backwards onto her bed. “All right. You’re right.”

“It’s about time he asked you on a second date,” Nanaba said.

Hange groaned. “There was never a first.”

“I don’t know. Valentine's Day seemed pretty close.”

“That was a spying mission that _you_ set up.”

“But there was all the typical stuff. Flowers—”

“For me _and_ you.”

“Dinner, a movie. He held your hand and kissed you.”

“On the cheek. And he did both of those things just for the reaction, I’m sure.”

“Doesn’t mean he didn’t like it.”

“Ugh, if Levi wants me, then he’d better just come and get me,” Hange said.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s trying to do right now.”

“Nanaba! Not Levi!”

She laughed. “Okay, okay. Fine. Tell me all about it when it’s over.”

“Bye.”

“Talk to me soon.”

Hange hung up her phone and put her hands behind her head. She let out a long breath. “No. Not Levi.”

* * *

 

She asked him several times if he wanted her to bring anything. All he said were flowers. So after she finished in her garden, she went to a florist and bought the nicest bunch she could afford. She washed her hair and because it was so close to the time she had to head over, she used her blow dryer (which was often neglected in favor of air drying her hair). She dressed with unusual care. Even after all that, she still didn’t feel fancy enough. Still, she pulled herself together and crossed her yard to Levi’s house. Windex greeted her before Levi even opened the door.

“Hey, there Cutie. I’m glad to see you,” she said. She looked up at the window and Lysol had her little paws pressed on the window. “Levi has such a cute family.”

Levi opened the door before she stepped on the porch.

“Windex always knows when you're within twenty feet of her,” he said. Hange smiled and held up the vase.

“I bought flowers,” she said.

“They're acceptable,” he said. He came and took them from her. “Come in.”

She followed him up the stairs and into his house. She lingered by the front door as he closed it behind them.

“Please leave you shoes on the mat and you can leave your keys next to mine,” he said, pointing to a set of hooks.

“Why?” she asked.

“I don't like dirt in my house.”

“No, I mean the keys,” she said.

“I don't want you to lose them.”

She laughed. “I probably would leave them here. Remind me to give you a spare key. I don't want to have to call Mike every time I lock myself out the house.”

She sat on the bench by the door and took off her shoes. Now she regretted her mismatched argyle socks. After she tried so hard to look nice, she couldn't help but be a little thoughtless. She hoped he didn't notice.

“Really?” he said.

“Really what?” she asked.

“Your socks are different.”

“I-I just noticed...”

“Not surprised.”

This was getting off to a great start. She followed behind him to the kitchen. Hange was a bit overwhelmed. The house was pristine, like something out of a magazine. Everything was crisp, modern and tasteful. She felt out of place here.

“Wash your hands. I'm finishing up dinner and I need a little help, There's a spare apron hanging in the pantry right there,” he said. “I'm going to put the flowers on the table.”

She washed her hands and looked around at the kitchen. It was equally as modern as the rest of the house and so clean it looked barely used. Even Levi's ingredients seemed staged to perfection. She put the apron on and tried to find an inconspicuous place to stand in. He came back into the kitchen and furrowed his brow. Hange rubbed her arm, had she done something wrong?

“Why are you backed into a corner like that? Come over here,” he said. She came to his side and he handed her a knife and pointed to the vegetables. “I made salad at your house, now you make salad at mine.”

She laughed and started working. She often cooked by herself, but it was fun with someone else. He was standing over the stove and she craned her neck to see what he was making.

“It's Chicken Marsala,” he said.

She grinned. “That sounds great. It smells even better.”

He grimaced. “I hope it's good.”

“It will be!” Hange said. “Next time I come over, you should let me come earlier so I can help you cook the entire meal.” Levi didn't answer. “Oh, I'm sorry. I just invited myself over again...”

“We're friends and neighbors. It'd be weird if you didn't come over again,” he said. She grinned and continued to work.

“Your knife skills suck, though,” he said.

“I know.”

There was an ease that radiated off of him. He was doing something he liked in a place where he was comfortable. Hange loved the sight of relaxed Levi, when he didn't scowl or look uncomfortable. When his face seemed peaceful rather than indifferent. She felt she was privileged to be there, she had a feeling not many people had seen Levi like this. She had a feeling he didn't want people to see him like this, though she couldn't fathom why.

They finished dinner and Levi plated the food with care. She watched him carefully arrange the food, wiping stray sauce from the plate.

“That's a lot of effort for just one guest,” she said.

“I know,” he said. Hange helped him carry the plates to the table. He had set it for two, set perpendicular. Hange found this set up much closer and intimate than sitting across the table from each other. They sat down and Hange nervously unfolded her napkin.

“I broke out the fine china for you, Shitty Glasses,” he said as he began to serve her food.

“Oh? You must have be fond of busy work if you did all of that for just me,” she said.

“Maybe I am,” he said.

She focused on her food, which wasn't hard because it was delicious. She really did appreciate Levi's generosity. It was clear to her, having known him for a little bit now, that he did not usually do things like this for people. She knew he had to hold her above the rest somehow. She was willingly allowed into his home, into his space. Yes, not just his living space, but even his personal space. She couldn't ignore that they had often been in closer proximity, especially since Valentine's. Even as they sat at dinner, their legs casually touched. Levi did not recoil and she didn't mind.

She glanced at him as he was preoccupied with eating. She remembered even from Christmas that Levi wasn't the most graceful eater. He could make the prettiest dishes, make the most precise place settings, but shoveled food in his mouth like he wouldn't eat ever again. Hange found his poor table manners a little hilarious because he had such a snobby looking face. His nose even turned up just so slightly, adding to the nose in the air effect.

She wondered what would happen if they had children. Would they have straight noses, not too hooked like hers and not turned up either? Or would the children have a wide spectrum of nose shapes? She smiled and stuffed food in her mouth to try and hide it. There was no use thinking about something like that.

“What's with the smile?” Levi asked.

She laughed and shook her head. “Nothing.”

“No, you laughed when I mentioned it. What's so funny?” he asked.

“I was thinking about how weird your nose is,” she said. He stared at her for a long while and then flicked her nose. “What was that for?”

“Don't make fun of my nose,” he said. She flicked his nose in response and he growled. “If you do that again, I won't show you my Darth Maul light saber.”

There was something Hange wanted to see. “I'll be good.”

She didn't know why she expected to have dinner and be shown out of the house immediately. Instead, he was asking her to stick around, to see things that he kept hidden from other people. She loved that he wanted to share with her. She ate in relative silence, until Levi kicked her shin. Not hard, but it did shock her.

"I didn't say that so you'd shut up. I just didn't want my nose flicked is all," he said.

She snorted. "What, you like the sound of my voice?"

"It's not annoying."

She laughed at that. "The highest praise from Levi: 'Your voice is not annoying.'"

He smirked and continued to eat. She noticed other things about the way he ate. Like how he had his arm protectively around his plate. She wanted to ask why, but was unsure if it triggered a bad memory. Maybe he didn't have a lot of food growing up, or maybe while in foster care, he had to eat fast, or maybe getting and keeping food was a competition. Her family dinners growing up were always loud and full of plate sharing and silly games. But there was never a threat, there was never the idea that there would not be enough. There were times when there was less, but there was always enough.

"This isn't the first time we've had dinner in this room, you know," he said.

Hange blinked rapidly."Oh? I don't remember."

"Thanksgiving."

"Oh, yeah! It's really nice to be in the room this time."

He was silent. "I've only ever invited four people over my house, you know." She watched Levi carefully. It looked like he was struggling to find the correct wording so he could elaborate on the idea. She would wait until he decided to share.

"I'm done. Are you?" he asked.

"I am," she said. It seemed he wasn't read to open that door with her. She didn't feel bad about it at all. She helped him clear the dishes. Since Levi liked to hand wash his good dishes, they washed together. It didn't end in a grand water fight, but Hange vowed next time they washed dishes together it would. Though she was still slightly terrified of ruining Levi's beautiful décor. He filled a plastic container with food for her to eat on another day. Levi insisted that they clean the kitchen and dining room before he could even think of doing anything else. Once it was clean though, he almost eagerly grabbed her arm and dragged her up the stairs.

"We're going to my office," he said. Windex and Lysol followed them. Windex kept jumping in front of Levi and meowing indignantly. Finally he stooped over and picked her up.

"Shitty Cat. You're just jealous because I'm with your favorite human," he said. Lysol mewed sadly as she followed behind. Hange picked her up and she nestled herself into her arms.

"You have two jealous girlfriends, Levi," Hange said.

"It's not me they're fighting over," he said. Windex put her head on Levi's shoulder so she could stare at Lysol and Hange. Hange giggled and rubbed her nose on Lysol's head.

"I love you both, don't worry," she said.

"Windex will not accept those terms."

They came to the door and he opened it. His office was as neat as Hange imagined it would be. What she wasn't expecting was the shelves full of comics and action figures. He turned on the lights and her eyes only lit up even more. She went closer and examined the shelves, both in content and to see if dust had gathered (none had).

"You have Godzilla, Gamera, Mothra...some monsters I don't even recognize!" she said. She looked back at him. He had a shy smile on, not a smirk, but a real, honest to god smile. That made her heart race a little bit. She looked back at the shelves and underneath was an impressive library of giant monster movies. But her eyes focused on a set of robots. They weren't Transformers, she remembered seeing them before, but wasn't quite sure what they were. Underneath those action figures were shelves of thick comic books and DVDs, both in English and Japanese. "I don't think I know what these are, though."

"Gundams. I'm not big on anime or anything, but Gundam is my favorite franchise. It's got a ton of different series. I built most of those models myself."

Hange was in awe. "Giant monsters and giant robots. Bet you loved Pacific Rim."

"Of course."

"Do you think we're drift compatible?" she asked. She honestly didn't want to ask that question, but it came out so naturally and quickly she couldn't stop herself. She was almost afraid of the answer.

He was silent and she looked back at him. "It's a real pain in the ass to have someone in your head. I don't think I'm drift compatible with anyone."

"Maybe you're one of the few who can pilot a Jaeger on their own!"

He snorted. "Maybe."

"Well, Gundams though. I'd like to try out the series someday."

"Today. You're going to try it today." He pushed past her and pulled out a box set from the shelf. "We're going to watch an episode right now."

"Hey, no fair!" she said. "You've never watched Star Trek!"

He rolled his eyes. "We'll watch an episode of Star Trek if it's on Netflix."

"It is!"

"All right, so we'll watch it. Then we'll watch an episode of Gundam. Sound fair?"

She nodded.

"But before that," he said. He placed the box on the table and Windex on the ground. He pulled out a black, oblong box from his storage closet. He opened it to reveal the double bladed light saber. Her eyes grew wide as he turned it on and then expertly flipped it a few times. Her heart was racing again and she cradled Lysol as though holding her closer would help slow it down.

"Why is everything you do so amazing?" Hange asked. He shook his head as he turned off the light saber and put it away.

"I'm not amazing," he said.

She grimaced and stroked Lysol's fur. He was amazing. He blew her away sometimes. He was generous, interesting, and did everything in such a way that was so decidedly Levi, she had to admire it. What was more, for whatever reason, he deemed her worthy of being let into the quiet, tiny corners of his life. She knew this was important. She knew what she wanted it to mean, but knew it could not be true. Because this was Hange and she never got what she wanted.

Dinner went well, she had to admit. He didn't kick her out, even was having her stay longer. It may not have meant anything more, but it was a companionship she hadn't enjoyed in a while. If that was all she could have, she'd learn to accept it.

* * *

 

This scene felt familiar. They were on the couch, with a blanket spread over their laps. Their legs were touching, but the close proximity was relaxing to him and she seemed to be fine with it. Levi didn't have his arm around Hange, but it was resting on the couch behind her. Windex was curled in her arms like a baby and Lysol was intently watching the screen from her perch on his lap like a seasoned fan. He made them popcorn, but Hange had gotten so invested, she’d stopped eating it. She was staring at the screen after the first episode of Gundam Wing. He paused the DVD and she looked at him with a huge smile.

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"I loved it. In fact, we need to watch a second episode. It's only fair since the Star Trek episodes are one hour and these are only half an hour," Hange said.

He smirked. "All right then, one more episode."

She watched with sparkling eyes and a big grin. Levi was tempted to put his hand on her shoulder. He wanted her to be closer, to put her head on his shoulder like she did before. It was only a few inches. He couldn't work up the nerve right way, instead he tugged on her ponytail. Such a childish move. She turned to him in surprise and narrowed her eyes. She grabbed a piece of popcorn and threw it at him. It was equally as childish and, against every instinct he had, he threw a piece back at her. This of course snowballed into a bit of a mess. Instead of being upset, he was rather amused. They paused the DVD and cleaned up, Hange smiling and laughing the entire time.

"If I find even one piece of popcorn after this, you're not allowed back in my house," he said.

"Yeah, whatever," she said. Her confidence was based on something. He knew he wouldn't actually be able to keep himself from inviting her over again, from possibly telling her what he couldn't explain at dinner. That of the four people he'd invited to his house he'd looked forward to her coming the most. Because there was the promise of moments like these, where he could laugh. There was no obligation or pretense with her.

"We should restart the episode," he said. It was getting late. Perhaps she wanted to go home.

"Hell yeah," she said. Once the living room was free of popcorn, they were back on the couch, and everyone had resumed their positions. This was the other thing he hoped for. This closeness. He wouldn't screw up this time. Instead of pulling on her ponytail, he ran his fingers through it. There were a few knots here and there, but nothing too bad, he worked through them gently. Hange sighed and he removed his hand from her hair.

"You're such a child," she said. She tore her hair out from its ponytail and shook it free. "Have fun."

Have fun, he did. He had his hand buried in her hair for at least half the episode. He loved to curl and uncurl his fingers in her hair, and was actually a little excited to work through the knots. She unconsciously titled her head toward him until it was on his shoulder. Just what he wanted. He liked her close to him. He liked her contented sigh as he played with her hair. He loved rubbing his nose and mouth against the top of her head, trying to play if off as though he were adjusting his position so she'd be more comfortable. He'd slept with a lot of people and made out with even more, but he'd never actually held anyone. Not like this.

He almost begged for the episode never to be over, but it ended and Hange had to go. Her hair was a mess and her cheeks were a bit flushed, but she had that damn smile that was starting to get to him and constrict his chest. She retrieved her left overs for her dinner the next day and they walked toward the door together, the cats following at their heels. Her shoes were next to his, her keys were on the hook. He wanted them to stay there. Because it meant she was with him, that he was safe to be himself, that even secret sides of him were accepted, and if he didn't want to share he wasn't pressed. But her shoes were back on her feet, her keys were in her hand and she was saying good bye to Windex and Lysol. He had to let her go home. He opened the door for her. He wanted to tell her he wanted her to stay.

"You...your assignment is to finish that box set," he said. Not what he wanted to say at all, but she hugged it to her chest and nodded.

"Of course I will. Good night, Levi," she said. She was leaving. She was leaving and he had to do something fast. And he acted. He spun her around and wrapped his arms around her. She almost dropped the food and the DVDs she was holding, but even if she did he wouldn't have cared.

"Thanks for coming, Shitty Glasses" he said. She snuggled into his hug.

"I had fun. But next time we're cooking the entire meal together," she said. He released her and smirked.

Next time. He was looking forward to it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> However much you are squealing with fangirly glee over this, it is nothing compared to Mike and Nanaba (and y'all know good and well Levi and Hange are drift compatible. Levi just didn't want to admit it).
> 
> There is no option to dedicate single chapters to people but today's chapter is for maplecat89. I hope this brightened your day!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sat on her couch and crossed his legs while trying to wait patiently for her. Instead of truly keeping calm, he came up with every horrible scenario culminating in her death. This only made him more anxious to get her to the doctor.

Levi didn’t want to admit he had been more attentive to Hange than usual, but he was. He was not excessively monitoring her or anything, but he liked to make sure she was all right, general observation. Perhaps it was not so much an increase in how much he watched her, but a difference in how he felt about what he saw. For instance, he noticed Hange’s car had not left the driveway for an entire day. He was trying not to worry, but Windex was not so subtle. She pined pensively and quietly for the human she loved and Levi found himself joining her after a while. There was a simple solution to this—an option that Windex didn’t have—and that was to call her.

Before he even dialed, Hange called him. He was relieved to hear her voice, but concerned once he heard how garbled she sounded.

“Can you help me?” she said.

How dare she even ask that question? “Of course,” he said. He hoped he didn't say it too quickly.

“I need to go to doctor,” she said.

“I’m coming over right now,” he said.

He grabbed his keys and hurried to her house. He rang and forced himself to wait for her to come instead of breaking down her door. She shuffled to the door and opened it halfway. She was pale and looked like she hadn’t slept well. Her hair was in horrid tangles and everything about her just stabbed him in the chest.

“Let me in,” he said. She shook her head.

“I’m going to help you,” he said.

“I look so bad,” she said.

“You’re fucking sick. Do you think I care about how bad you look?” She glared at him and he crossed his arms. “ _Please_ let me in.”

She closed her eyes in defeat and walked away from the door. He closed it behind him and watched her.

“I have to be there soon,” she said. “I can’t get myself together.”

“Just put on a clean shirt and a pair of sneakers. You’ll be fine,” he said. She groaned and hobbled off. He sat on her couch and crossed his legs while trying to wait patiently for her. Instead of truly keeping calm, he came up with every horrible scenario culminating in her death. This only made him more anxious to get her to the doctor. She came downstairs in a different T-shirt and a hoodie, she even managed to put on a pair of jeans. He noted she was holding several plastic grocery bags.

“Do you have something for your hair?” he asked. She held out her wrist. Hair ties. He motioned for her to sit on the floor and he took one. He knew there was no time to properly work out the knots, maybe when they came home, but he pulled her hair in a presentable ponytail. He noted how greasy her hair was and resolved to see if he couldn’t get her to wash it for her later.

He helped her stand up and she squinted at him as though she were struggling to stay awake.

“Do you have your keys?” he asked. She pulled them out of her pocket and waved them. “Do you have your wallet?” She pulled that out of another pocket. “Do you have your phone?” She held it up. “We’re leaving now.” They went outside and she lingered behind him. He stopped when she paused in her walkway. She ran as fast as she could toward her bushes and began to vomit. He went to her side and rubbed her back and made sure her bangs didn’t get in the way. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and refused to look at him. He got a packet of wipes out of his car and wiped her hands and face. Hange was a bit warmer than usual, probably a light fever. He scooped her up and she curled up probably in shame.

“I’m so sorry, Levi,” she said.

“You didn’t do anything, no apologies,” he said. They got into his car and she told him where her doctor’s office was. She flopped over in her seat like as though the spark she usually had was utterly smothered. He gripped the steering wheel tightly. He did not like this. They got to the doctor’s without incident (though she threw up once they got to the office and just barely managed to get to a bathroom in time). He waited for her as though he half expected her to be declared terminally ill. If you went to the doctor, it had to be absolutely terrible, right? Hange came out and he rushed for her but stopped short of taking her hands.

“Are you all right?” he asked. She stared at him with wide eyes.

“Y-yeah. I’m just dehydrated. Got a stomach virus and stuff,” she said. “Happens when you work with college interns I guess.”

He sighed in relief. She wasn’t dying, but she was still sick. He could manage this. As they returned home he thought of all the things he’d have to do.

“I’m coming over,” he said. She groaned.

“No. I have so much work to do, Levi. And my house is a mess and I’m a mess,” she said.

“I’m going to repeat myself one last time. I’m coming over. And no more work, damn it. You’re going to rest,” he said.

“But—”

“Don’t you fucking ‘but’ me. I’m cleaning your damn house, I’m making you food. You are going to rehydrate and rest. Understand?”

“You’re not my father,” she grumbled.

“I told you what I'm going to do and I'm doing it,” he said. She frowned.

“Fine.”

Once they were back home, he made sure she was laid up comfortably on the couch and straightened up the room. He made her a cup of herbal tea, and set up the DVD player.

“You’re not done with your assignment to watch Gundam Wing. Relax and watch the rest of the series. I’ve got some stuff I want to get back at home,” he said.

“Levi...” she said. He paused and looked over his shoulder. “Thank you.”

He shrugged and went off. Watching her like this made him anxious, it made him feel better to do something rather than sit in his house and wonder if she was going to get well. He arrived back at Hange’s house with a mission. His first was to check on her and make sure she wasn’t working. He poked his head in the living room. She was propped up on the pillows, her eyes glued to the screen.

“Are you working?”

“I’m invested in the fate of Relena Peacecraft. Go away,” she said. Just what he wanted to hear. His next focus was to get a vegetable soup going for her. Something clear and light and unseasoned so it wouldn't upset her stomach. Paired with toast and tea, it should be enough to ease his worries about whether or not she was eating properly. Then he wanted to clean her house, since he felt an organized environment would lift the mood a bit. He practically flew around her house, effectively bouncing from room to room while checking on the status of the food. Hange was quiet the entire time, which worried him, but also made him a bit relaxed, since in meant she was resting. He wasn’t quite done with her house, but once the food was finished, he took the time to plate her lunch with care and arrange everything nicely on a tray for her.

He came into the living room with the food. The DVD player was off, but she was waiting for him.

“I finished the series,” she said.

“And?” he said as he handed her the tray.

“I liked it a lot.”

“Good.”

“Will you sit with me?” she asked. The way she asked was so plaintive he had to stop.

“I have work to do,” he said.

“I’m eating lunch, so you should eat lunch.”

He sighed. “All right. I’ll make myself a sandwich and sit with you.” She grinned and kicked her legs a little. He thought that was pretty damn cute and he tried to smile in return, he was sure it didn’t look like one, though.

He made a sandwich from some things he found in the fridge and joined her. He sat just as close to her as usual, he didn’t care that she was gross. She seemed afraid to lean on him, but he put his arm around her anyway.

“So who was your favorite?” he asked.

She smiled. “Duo.”

“Figures, the loud one. Who do you think my favorite was?”

Hange crossed her arms in thought. “That’s hard. Heero, Trowa, or Zechs are all good candidates. Nice and broody. Well, not Trowa, he was just quiet.”

“You were right with the first guess,” he said.

“I’m not surprised either. But in all seriousness, Duo is like me as a teenager. Complete with ridiculous braid.”

“You have to have a picture of you looking like this,” he said. She tapped her chin.

“Yeah,” she said. She got up and went to one of her shelves and pulled out a photo album. She flipped through a few pages and pulled a few pictures out.

“Yeah, this,” she said and handed them to him. Hange was in full armor, with a long braid that draped over one shoulder. She was smiling that huge, familiar grin as she was about to draw a sword. In another picture she was poised to strike.

“Where the hell was this?” he asked.

“My parents are super into Medieval warfare. They joined a reenactment group. All of us can wield a weapon.”

“So let me guess, you can actually use a Highlander sword?” Levi said.

“Claymore. Yes, I can. I’m a bit rusty, though.”

“So what about the rest of your family?”

“Dad was spears and pikes. Mom and Rick were into archery. Ariana and I were all about the claymores. Shawn is a fencer, Michelle is about battle axes.”

“Battle axes?”

“Yeah, she’s good with double bladed battle axes, mounted battle axes, tomahawks. She’s more active about it than all of us,” she said.

He raised his eyebrows. “Now we know how she got her husband.”

“Yeah. You’re right. She bested him in battle and he’s been smitten ever since.”

“Interesting.”

“You took martial arts though. You have some combat knowledge.”

“Yeah, I do. I still train, but it was mostly to supplement my gymnastics.”

She looked as though she were ready to hear more, but that was all he had to say. She continued to eat in silence and he watched her carefully. She didn't eat everything, but it was enough to make him worry less.

“Thanks again,” she said.

“I’m doing it because I want to. I’m going to make you dinner later. But before dinner you have to shower.”

She groaned. “No...”

“You have to.”

“I feel gross.”

“So take a shower and you’ll be less gross.”

She whined and he took away her tray.

“I’m going to put these in the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. If you are not in the shower I’m going to put you in the shower myself.”

“Scandalous!” she shouted.

“So do it.”

He left her, thinking his ultimatum was threatening enough. When he returned to the room, Hange was slumped on the couch. He knelt beside her.

“Go. Take. A shower,” he said.

“No,” she whined. “I'm tired! I'm—”

She trailed off. She pressed her hand against her mouth and he moved out of her way as she took off for the bathroom. So much for keeping her food down. He'd try again later. While she was busy throwing up, he decided to run her a bath and clean up a few things upstairs. When the bath was ready, he went back downstairs. Hange had stumbled back into the living room and thrown herself on the floor. He turned her over.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Shut up...” she said. He picked her up and she hugged his neck. “You've got a real stick up your ass. I don't know how you function.”

“I'm not the one who's sick here.”

“Shut the hell up. And where are you carrying me?”

“You know where,” he said.

“Oh, hell no! You're not bathing me!”

“I'm not going to.”

“That's right because you're going to drop me right here.”

“Nope.”

She tried to stop him from entering the bathroom, but she was too exhausted to hold onto the door jamb for too long. He dumped her unceremoniously into the bathtub, pajamas and all. She rose from the water sputtering and her face was red with anger.

“Levi!” she cried. He couldn't stop himself from laughing. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the water with her. He should have been mad. Instead he took one look at her pouting face and started to laugh harder. “I hate you so fucking much! Now I'm soaking wet and I feel like shit!” she said. He reached for the shampoo. “Like hell you're going to wash me!”

“Not all of you, just your hair,” he said.

She glared at him, but moved so they could switch places. He sat in the water, fully clothed along with Hange fully clothed. She leaned back against his chest and he worked the shampoo into a lather and she heaved a sigh of bliss. There were a lot of knots, but he'd take care of those later. He was focused on getting her hair clean.

“We've got to rinse and repeat,” he said. She actually complied and allowed him to wash her hair a second time.

“Your last girlfriend must have loved you,” Hange said. Levi focused on her hair and didn't say anything. “Hm. Must have touched a nerve. Sorry.”

“No. I think my last girlfriend was in high school,” he said.

“With the way Oluo goes on about you, I'd assumed you'd had a bunch. Maybe boyfriends and he's in denial?”

“All that stuff Oluo is talking about were all just one time things. 'Conquests' as Petra puts them. I guess I had a few long term fuck buddies. I don't really excel at relationships. So no real boyfriends or girlfriends,” he said.

Hange was silent for a while and he believed he was safe.

“Why?” she asked. Damn it.

“Rinse your hair,” he said. She obediently dunked her hair into water and he helped her get the shampoo out. He started to smooth her conditioner through her hair. He didn't know why he couldn't date people. “I wanted to date Petra.”

“And?” Hange said.

“It didn't work. I couldn't do what I usually did with other people. I had sex with them, I didn't love them and I knew Petra wanted love. I just couldn't give that to her, but I couldn't have sex with her and go. I like Petra, she's my friend. I couldn't hurt her. So I never went further with her than what we had.”

“And the others?”

“I just...I tried to connect. In the end I had sex because I felt a sexual need and I went about it in a way that was deemed appropriate. Or inappropriate, depending on who you talked to. Might have been just as satisfied with me and my right hand the entire time. I got just as much enjoyment out of it.”

“So no feelings?”

He couldn't answer. He didn't know when he started hugging her, or when she moved so she had her head on his chest. He did notice that her arms were around him and she massaged small circles into his back with her thumbs. He leaned his head back as he tried to ignore the giant cavern pointless sexual encounters had left in him. He hadn't noticed it and it was only accentuated by the closeness he felt now.

She squeezed him a little. “So how many people have you held like this?”

“No one.” She was silent. “I got what I wanted and left. I don't hold people.”

“You're holding me.”

“Because...you're sick.” That was a damn lie and he knew it. He was the one whose heart was hurting and he wanted comfort. He was holding her for selfish reasons. “I'm sorry that got tragic.”

“No, no. I want to hear about you Levi. Even if it's not always happy,” she said.

“Rinse your hair now,” he said. She rinsed her hair again and he helped a bit.

“I want to get the knots out of your hair,” he said.

“Okay. I'm going to dry off and you should too,” she said and and got out of the tub. He began to drain it as she grabbed some towels. She tossed him one. “I'll get you a change of clothes. Wait outside my room a bit.”

He wiped his face and wondered what she thought of him now. He had basically said that he used people's bodies for his sexual pleasure and had no feelings. He didn't want to tell her but he wasn't afraid to. He followed her and waited outside her room.

She came from her room with a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. “I'm sorry I don't have anything really nice,” she said.

“It's fine,” he said.

“A good amount of my clothes are men's clothes anyway.”

He nodded and decided to find one of the spare rooms to change in. Before he could get too far she ran after him and hugged him from behind.

“I don't know if you really want to connect with people, but my you're my friend. I want to be there for you, just like you're doing for me right now,” she said. “And I want you to be happy, whatever that means for you.”

Something inside him broke. His throat and eyes hurt, a slight sting. He wasn't surprised that tears welled up a bit, the stinging was so bad, but he blinked them back. He turned so he could hug her tightly. He expected her to condemn him for using people. She just wanted him to be happy. He pressed his face into her shoulder and she rubbed his back. His body felt full of unreleased sobs and tears. He couldn't do this now. Sensing his tension, she ran her thumbs in a fan like motion under his shoulder blades. He relaxed, but his throat still stung something fierce. He couldn't speak, he could only hold her.

They separated reluctantly, dried off, changed and met back in the living room. He made her tea to settle her stomach and gave her a box of saltine crackers. She sat on the floor as he worked through her hair with his fingers, carefully working at the knots.

“No one's ever been that gentle with my hair,” she said.

“No one's ever had time, I'm sure,” Levi said. “Promise you'll try to eat dinner later.”

“Are you going to force feed me?”

“Not this time.”

They were quiet and he started to braid her hair into a single braid. She laughed as she realized what he was doing.

“Now you can be Duo,” he said as he tied off her braid. She crawled into the seat next to him and tried to move his arm.

“You have to cover your face dramatically and be Heero,” she said.

He smirked and pulled away. “Stop it!”

He leaned back on the couch and she put her head on his chest and grabbed her box of saltines and munched away. He could have complained that he didn't like getting crumbs all over his clothes. But he wasn't wearing his own clothes anymore and she was sick so he didn't care.

“Your breath reeks,” he said. “Brush your teeth some time. You have been puking all day.”

She snorted. “You missed yesterday. Diarrhea City over here. Maybe you should catch this virus so you can shit the damn stick out of your ass.”

“You already made a stick up my ass joke today,” he said.

“I'm sick, I'll do what I want.”

“Brush your teeth.”

“Shut up.”

At some point they ended up watching Star Trek. By that time, they were sitting side by side, still close and still touching. Hange hugged his arm and absently rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. There were still a million things to do, but he was quite comfortable wasn't in a hurry to leave. He'd never had a “friends who cuddle” relationship before. It sounded cuter than he deserved.

It dawned on him that he was connecting with someone. It was about time, damn it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn it, Levi. You just realized this now?
> 
> Levi did not get a stomach virus. Hange was a little upset because she wanted to take care of him in return, but she decided find other ways.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi had actually volunteered to chaperone junior prom. Mostly because he was trying to be a better friend. Every year Erwin asked him to help. Every year Levi refused. This year he decided to give in and help. The fact that Hange was also going made the idea a bit less terrible.

Levi was all too familiar with going to the school office. He never thought that he’d be back there as an adult with all his friends. Thankfully, instead of being in Erwin's office, he was in a conference room. He was sitting in a chair, arms crossed and wondering why he agreed to this. Hange was next to him, spinning in her chair.

“I thought once I became a real professional, I’d get tired of swivel chairs,” she said.

He rolled his eyes. “Do you do this every time you’re in a conference room?”

“I do, actually.”

Levi became quiet and Nanaba giggled. He glared at her from across the table.

“You have no idea how to respond to that, do you?” she said.

“Shut up,” Levi grumbled.

“Don’t tell my friend to shut up!” Hange said. “I’ll take you on!”

Hange squared up her fists and Mike laughed.

“I think you need at least a few more weeks of training with me before you can even begin to take on Levi,” Nanaba said.

“Sheer rage will fuel my fists!” Hange said.

“You’ll fail for sure,” Nanba said. “You’re fire and Levi’s water. He’ll put you out before you do any damage.”

Hange pouted. “Nanaba, how can I fight for your honor if you’re going to be all logical about how I do it?”

Mike only laughed harder. Petra and Oluo arrived.

“I bought cookies!” Petra said as she set them on the table. Oluo sat on the other side of Levi and tried to match his indifference. Petra rolled her eyes and Hange stopped spinning in her chair so she could lean on the table and watched Levi’s reaction (and take some of Petra's cookies). Levi avoided looking at either of them.

“Is Erwin coming soon?” he asked.

“In a minute,” Petra said. “He’s on his phone.”

As soon as she finished the sentence, Erwin entered the conference room. Levi narrowed his eyes at him.

“Asking Marie to the prom?” Levi asked him.

Erwin smirked. “Actually, yes.”

“So you roped _everyone_ into chaperoning this thing.”

“I need eyes everywhere,” Erwin said.

Hange raised her hand. “Question!”

“Go ahead.”

“Will we get walkie talkies?” Mike and Nanaba started giggling again. “What? Petra said they used them last year...”

“Um...no, not this time,” Erwin said. “I would like to thank all of you for volunteering to chaperone junior prom.”

Yes, Levi had actually volunteered to chaperone junior prom. Mostly because he was trying to be a better friend. Every year Erwin asked him to help. Every year Levi refused. This year he decided to give in and help. The fact that Hange was also going made the idea a bit less terrible. Erwin handed out a sheet to everyone.

“A lot of these are basic common sense, but we need to lay down some ground rules,” he said. Levi glanced over the list of rules. No flirting with the students. Don’t arrive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Don’t bring alcohol or drugs to prom. Don’t bring weapons.

“Question!” Hange said and raised her hand.

“I’m afraid to let you ask, but go ahead,” Erwin said.

“Nanaba says that Levi’s so good at martial arts he can be certified as a human weapon. Should he be allowed to chaperone prom if we’re banning weapons?”

“Oh my god, Hange...” Levi grumbled. “And will you two stop encouraging her!”

Mike and Nanba started laughing. Levi glared at Erwin, who bit his lip to keep from joining them.

“I think we can make an exception for him,” Erwin said.

Levi crossed his arms. “You're in a damn good mood.”

Erwin went through the schedule for the night. They had to stay until every last teenager left the venue. Clean up was the responsibility of the staff there, so there was no need for them to help. Thankfully, it would not go past midnight so Levi could still wash the teenager germs off of him at a reasonable hour. There wasn't much left to discuss after that. They left the school together.

“Hey guys, do you want to go the 24 hour diner after prom?” Petra asked.

“Sure!” Hange said.

“We’ll come,” Mike said and Nanaba nodded in agreement.

“You know I’m there,” Oluo said.

“I assumed Petra was speaking for the both of you,” Levi said. Oluo stammered something incoherent and blushed a bit.

“And you, Levi?” Petra asked.

“Why not?” he said.

She clapped her hands. “Great!”

“I think I’ll have to pass,” Erwin said. “I’ve got to monitor the after prom. We have a second set of chaperones for that.”

“Question!” Hange said and raised her hand.

“We’re not in the conference room anymore. We’re not even in a school building. You can stop that,” Levi said.

“It’s a real question this time, I swear!” Hange said. “What on earth do you wear to prom?”

“Something formal. You might want to stick to black or other muted colors since you’re chaperones,” Erwin said.

“So whatever you wore to prom, just wear it in black,” Petra said. Levi saw Nanaba visibly stiffen at those words.

“I didn’t go to prom,” Hange said.

“Oh! I see...I’m so sorry!”

“Why are you sorry? I’ll figure something out...”

“Hange, can I speak to you for a moment?” Erwin asked. Hange nodded and hung back with Erwin. Levi watched them over his shoulder. What on earth did he have to tell her that he couldn’t say in front of everyone else? He decided not to worry about it.

He completely ignored his decision and thought about it the rest of the day and into the night and imagined every possible thing Erwin could have said to her. After all that worrying, he finally told himself to calm down and that she’d tell him eventually.

* * *

 

A few days before prom, Levi got a call from Nanaba. Mike usually called now and then, but Nanaba's calls had gotten pretty rare (her texts were numerous and occasionally amusing to him). He expected this call to be about chaperoning prom.

“Hey Levi, may I ask a favor?” she said.

“Go ahead,” he said.

“Can Mike stay at your house the night before prom? I’m having Petra and Hange over. I wanted some female spectrum bonding, so we’re having a sleep over and going to the spa that day,” she said.

“He can stay with me. Have fun,” he said.

“And...I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I really want Hange to enjoy herself. You see it’s my fault she didn’t go to senior prom,” Nanaba said.

“It is?” Levi asked. He wasn’t usually interested in things like this, but it was about Hange and Nanaba sounded so distressed about it.

“Hange and I knew each other in high school. We didn’t really talk until senior year, we had a job at the same convenience store. My date for prom cancelled a week before. He didn’t say why, but I think he thought I’d look too mannish in a dress and didn’t want to be accused of being gay. Hange wasn’t going to go to prom at all, but when I told her what happened, she was a good friend and offered to take me. So she decided to rent a tuxedo. While she was being fitted a group of boys from our school saw her.”

It all suddenly clicked. Hange said she had been bullied before. He wondered if this was the attack she mentioned a while back.

“She said she’d been attacked. Two boys held her down while one punched,” he said.

Nanaba let out a bitter chuckle. “Let me guess, she made it sound like she’d just gotten bruised up a bit?”

Levi paused. It dawned on him that Hange told him what happened, but not why it happened, or how bad the injuries were. He was amazed how she could tell him so little but make him feel like he’d heard the whole story.

“Yeah. That’s exactly the way it sounded,” he said.

Nanaba stifled a sob. “She looked so bad. Her face was swollen, her body was covered in bruises, they broke a few of her ribs—”

“What?” he said. She hadn’t said any of that.

“They tried to break her arm,” Nanaba continued. “They cracked it a bit, but someone intervened before they succeeded. I don’t know what would have happened to her if they continued...”

Levi felt chills radiate all over his body. The idea of Hange in so much pain, of someone willingly hurting her so badly, left him in a dark and bitter place. He wanted revenge for her. He supposed he’d helped, she had taken his self defense class. Something about knowing the details of her attack made him feel even more protective of her.

“I knew she was bullied, but I never thought it was that bad,” Nanaba said. “She’d tell me that people would pull pranks on her and call her names, but after that...I think things were way worse than she told me. I thought back to scars, bandages, bruises and scrapes and wondered if someone had hurt her and she never told me. I wondered what she told her siblings so they wouldn’t worry so much.”

Levi knew Hange’s family was very open. It had to kill her siblings when Hange didn’t say anything. Rick and Michelle might have been in college, but Ariana and Shawn were young and still in the house. He could only imagine what a family of weapon wielding hot heads could do if they felt Hange was threatened.

“I knew her parents were at the school a lot, but I always thought it was because the principal was singing her praises, she was an honor student and won the science fair a bunch of times,” Nanaba said. “I just didn’t think. I was hurt and Hange offered to help. She got hurt because of me. So I spent prom night on the couch with her. We wore corsages and tuxedo T-shirts and watched The Dark Crystal and Highlander.”

“Her favorite movies,” Levi said.

“Yeah. So now you know. I know this could never be prom for her, and she really could care less, but it means a lot to try and make it up to her,” Nanaba said. “I know you didn’t need to know all of this...”

“I want to know. I’ll look out for her,” he said.

“Thank you, Levi.”

He sat in his chair in his office for what felt like eternity. Windex came in and stared at him. She was never particularly affectionate, but he swore she was psychic. She knew when Hange was near and when Levi was unhappier than usual. She jumped into his lap and curled up. He ran his hand across her black fur. He wished he knew when Hange was sad, how to get her to be honest with him, to trust him. He trusted her, he told her things that he never told anyone else. She only shared her happy stories and cliff notes of things that made her sad.

“Hey, Windex? Want to make your girlfriend happy?” he asked. She looked up at him and curled her tail as though she understood. He smirked. “I thought so.”

* * *

 

Since the girls were getting together to Levi only thought it was fair that he invite Oluo in addition to Mike to round things out. As expected, when he called to invite him, Oluo got extremely excited and bit his tongue (it baffled Levi how he could do that so often). Mike was an extremely low key house guest. Oluo was a little less so. They spent some of the evening making boutonnieres and corsages for the next day. Levi clipped white roses from his garden and asked Mike to bring floral tape and wire and told Oluo to buy a few accent flowers and greens to fill them out.

“This is officially two hundred percent more effort than I put into my actual prom,” Levi said.

“You don’t seem like a prom kind of guy,” Mike said.

“I wasn’t. My girlfriend was,” Levi said. “She bought the suit, the limo, her own flowers, picked people to go with us, everything. I just showed up.”

“And how did the night go?”

“We got drunk before we even got to prom. We drank in the bathrooms and got even worse. I blacked out at some point. I woke up in the morning in someone else’s living room with a serious hangover and no shirt. My girlfriend was in one arm, prom king was in the other. I was wearing my girlfriend’s shoes. I don’t know what happened. None of us remembered anything.”

“That’s so hard core,” Oluo said.

“No, it was stupid. Mike, you look like you were prom king.”

Mike laughed. “I was, junior and senior year. Might have been homecoming king too if I played football. I was a hockey guy, though. I didn’t compromise on that.”

“What about you, Oluo. How was your prom? Bet you had at least three dates.”

Oluo laughed. “I was the DJ both years. I didn’t have dates, but I got a ton of numbers!”

“That’s pretty amazing,” Levi said. He was legitimately impressed. As much as Levi could be indifferent toward Oluo, he found him quite interesting. If he wasn’t Levi wouldn’t have kept him around very long.

“I’m surprised Nanaba didn’t beg Hange to be her date for prom this time around. It’s probably for the best. I don’t think the children would be able to handle the sheer magnetism of those two,” Mike said.

“Listen to us. We’re talking about this like we’re actually going to enjoy ourselves and not babysit a bunch of teenagers,” Oluo said.

Levi found something odd. “Mike, both you and Nanaba knew Hange. So did she set you guys up?”

“No. Hange and Nanaba knew each other in high school, but didn’t really keep in touch afterward. I met Nanaba completely by accident. The air conditioner broke in her gym and I fixed it. And then I challenged her to a boxing match,” Mike said.

“And who won?” Oluo said.

“We can’t quite agree on that. I think we both did because we went on a date right after,” he said. “I sent a picture to Hange of the amazing girl I met and she said, ‘that’s my friend from high school!’ and she gave me her seal of approval.”

Levi found that cute for some reason, but did not verbalize it. He looked at the clock. It was getting a little late.

“Oluo, if you want, you can stay over,” Levi said. Oluo dropped everything he was holding.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“You can stay over.”

Oluo let out a squeal of delight but quickly coughed and regained his composure. Mike was already dying with laughter.

“Sure. That’d be cool,” Oluo said.

“Mike has the pull out couch, but I have an air mattress. I can set it up in my room,” Levi said.

“In his room…”

“I can hear you.”

“Sorry.”

“And I’ll let you borrow something to sleep in. I don’t think they’ll fit that great but—”

“It will be an honor!” Oluo said.

Here he was having people over. To think, just a year ago, he was making up excuses not to be around Oluo and here he was sleeping in his house. If only Oluo had never showed Hange the house. If only Levi hadn’t insisted on meeting her. He wanted to call Hange and thank her, because without it would have taken much longer for him to appreciate the people who were attempting to be close to him. He wanted to promise her he’d give her a safe place for everything she was feeling as a reward for all she’d done.

Perhaps later. He had guests to attend to.

* * *

 

The girls were getting ready at Petra’s house. Since Erwin had essentially confined their choice of clothing to black, Levi wasn’t especially creative. He wore black suit, black tie, grey shirt, all fitted to perfection of course. Mike and Oluo were pretty much the same, save Oluo wore a white shirt and Mike wore a pale blue. They waited for the girls to come down and Oluo looked anxious, as though he were waiting to see his bride. Levi supposed this was pretty close as he was basically waiting for Petra. He wished they would just own their relationship and stop sneaking around like children.

Finally, the girls came down. Petra had a floor length strapless black dress, Nanaba had a one shoulder knee length black dress and Hange...

She grinned at Levi as she came down the stairs. “Well, what do you think?”

He shook his head and pinned the boutonniere to her lapel. “It’s so you.”

Powder blue polyester tuxedo complete with ruffle shirt, bowtie and cummerbund. She straightened her bowtie and grinned. “Called my dad up and he dug out his prom tux and I picked it up. I have the body of a teenage boy it seems.”

He shook his head and smirked. “Erwin’s going to kill you. It’s not black.”

“Let him try.”

What got him more than the suit was whatever they did to make her hair so shiny and glossy looking. She had it loose for once and it took everything he had not to bury his hands and face in it. Nanaba took her arm and handed Mike her camera.

“I want a picture of us,” she said.

Levi couldn’t believe the scene. A bunch of thirty year olds (and a few in their late twenties) taking pictures for chaperoning prom. It was ridiculous. What was even more ridiculous was that Erwin ordered a limo for them. Maybe Nanaba told him Hange’s story or something, but it just seemed so unneeded. Hange grabbed his hand and dragged him into the car with her. Conversation carried on as normal, the ride to the venue was uneventful. As they walked toward the hotel, he grabbed Hange by the back of her jacket so everyone else had to walk in front of them and grabbed her hand.

“You’re _my_ prom date,” he said to her softly enough for only her to hear.

“Nanaba won’t like that. She was already stood up by one prom date in her lifetime, y’know,” Hange said.

“Let’s be above board then and tell her that you now have two prom dates.”

She smiled. “Fine.”

Erwin came out to meet them in the hotel lobby. He grinned at all of them.

“You all look great,” he said. Now Levi was certain Nanaba had told him Hange’s story. There was no way he would have kept silent about her suit otherwise. Levi glanced around him.

“Where’s your date?” Levi asked.

“Right here!”

A woman hobbled up on a pair of crutches.

“So this is the infamous Marie, the woman you’ve been so mysterious about,” Levi said. “No wonder. What did you do to her?”

“Fell off a ladder trying to replace a light bulb,” Marie said.

“Nice excuse. Now Erwin, what did you do?”

Marie laughed. “This is Levi, right? He’s funny.”

Erwin hurried them along so they’d know the basic layout of the place. Levi and Hange stayed toward the back of the group and Hange took advantage of everyone’s diverted attention to link pinkies with him. He knew they were behaving like children, but the way Hange smiled at him made it worth it. She leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“Whatever happens, the last dance is for you,” she said.

She released his hand and went over to Erwin and Marie. He had no idea why he had this sinking feeling when she talked so animatedly to Erwin. It was completely unreasonable because Erwin’s girlfriend was right there and there was no reason for him to feel so weird about it.

The teenagers arrived, there were the basics, punch, some eating and then the dancing started. Hange pulled Nanaba onto the dance floor for the first song. He wondered what they would have been like if they actually got to go to their prom. He wondered if it might have been more dangerous for her if she went, because she might have been attacked there instead. He decided not to think about that and enjoy the fact that she was happy now.

Most of the night was pretty quiet. They spent most of it watching the crowds of quaffed high schoolers interspersed with some dancing. Levi didn’t really want to dance, but the others did. While Petra and Oluo would only dance with each other exclusively (especially for slow dances), Mike and Nanaba took turns dancing with Hange. As he watched Hange with Mike, he wondered about the two of them. It was clear whatever they had was purely friendship at this point. What exactly happened between them before? Hange brushed off what happened between them and described their break up as funny, but was it actually funny or was she just skirting around it?

Nanaba came up next to him and nudged his arm.

“Staring at her won’t get her to dance with you,” she said.

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to dance.”

“Of course you don’t.”

He really didn’t. He was really content with just watching (because that’s what they were here to do). But then that damn swing music started. Save for the theater kids, the dance floor cleared, and Erwin took Hange’s hand and led her to the dance floor. He didn’t know why he felt so annoyed by this. Marie was clapping as they danced, and the moves they were doing—flips and near death defying dips—were clearly rehearsed. Hange took time to learn this dance with Erwin. There was something more that got to him. It was the sheer joy that was all over Hange’s face and the amount of energy she had. Did she ever feel that with him?

Mike and Nanaba were staring at Levi with smug faces and Levi glared.

“You ‘re jealous,” Mike said.

“Why the fuck would I be jealous?” Levi said.

By the time the song ended, Marie was up on her crutches and coming toward them.

“That one was for you,” Hange said to her.

“Thanks for taking my place,” Marie said. She took Erwin’s hands. “We’ll dance together next year. Sorry to let you down.”

Erwin kissed her forehead. “You did nothing of the sort.”

Hange ran over the Levi breathless. “So how’d I do? My swing dancing is a bit rusty, but Erwin and I practiced for this. He really wanted to dance with Marie, but she was hurt and all. We did the dance in her honor!”

“So you two did this for her,” Levi said.

“Yeah!” she said.

He snorted a bit. “You weren’t that bad.”

She grinned and hugged him. “Last dance is still for you.”

“I don’t dance,” he said.

She hugged him tighter and walked away to get a bottle of water. He felt better, though his chest was still tight for some reason.

The rest of the night was spent holding up the wall and checking the bathrooms periodically. But as promised, when the last dance was announced, Hange appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his arm.

“Last dance!” she said. Next thing he knew he was among the sea of teenagers, his hand was on Hange’s waist and he had her free hand in his. He didn’t hear the song so much, Hange’s smile seemed to cloud out all his other senses.

“How was your first prom?” he asked.

“It was fun, I think,” she said.

“What was your favorite part?”

“This part.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Not being expertly flipped by Erwin?”

She shook her head. “Oh, but if you want a part of that...”

Without a warning she dipped him. He lost his balance on the way back up and crashed into her. She stopped him from falling and hugged his neck.

“Don’t you fucking do that again!” he said.

She couldn’t stop giggling. “Fine, fine.”

Now they were in closer proximity. She started to sing the lyrics to the song and he smirked and rolled his eyes. Though this was not his first prom, this was the first he was actually conscious for. He was glad, it was worth remembering.

* * *

 

Nanaba, Mike, Oluo and Petra were on the dance floor watching Levi and Hange from a distance.

“Did you get anything out of her last night?” Mike asked Nanaba.

“Not a word. She wouldn’t even bring him up,” Nanaba said.

“Damn it!” Mike said.

“What’s going on?” Oluo asked.

“We’ve been trying to figure out if those two are dating,” Petra said. “Levi’s a lost cause, you know he wouldn’t say anything. But I’m learning Hange’s just as bad.”

Oluo furrowed his brow. “I noticed they were holding hands. Why didn’t you let me tease them about it, you kept hitting me every time I tried to say something...”

“Don’t you know Levi well enough to know he’d stop! Don’t deprive someone of their cute moments!” Petra said.

Oluo looked back at them with a puzzled look. “Levi’s gotten way hotter girls, he’s traded down.”

Petra stomped on his foot which somehow resulted in him biting his tongue.

“You better be glad she got to you first,” Nanaba said. She cracked her knuckles and Oluo gulped.

“Well, _are_ they dating?” he asked.

Nanaba looked at them and sighed. “I don’t think so. Levi might keep a secret, but Hange wouldn’t be able to contain herself.”

Mike held Nanaba closer and she rested her head on his shoulder (as best she could, she was quite a bit shorter than him).

“She looks happy,” Mike said.

Nanaba blinked back a few tears. “She does.”

So no one mentioned anything. Not the way Hange hugged his arm in the limo, or how close they sat to each other at the diner, or that Levi had his hand on Hange’s back just so he could curl her hair in his fingers.

Definitely nothing about the hand holding as they left Petra’s house and went back to their cars. Nanaba sighed as she watched them in the rear view mirror. She had to let it go. They’d figure it out soon.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My date's picking me up soon, so you’ve got to get out of here Levi. Don't want him to think I'm taken,” Hange told him.

Windex ran past him to the fence. Levi knew Hange was there and he half expected to hear her cooing as Windex got closer. He didn’t hear a sound and that bothered him. He looked up from his plants and saw Hange rubbing her hands together and smiling unnaturally. He stood up and walked over to her.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah!” she said. Her voice was too high pitched and strained and that damn smile. He hated when she did that. He never knew what it meant. “I need you to come over and help me.”

“What do you need?” he asked.

“I have to pick out a dress.”

He stared at her for a long time. “Why?”

“I...uh...I have a date.”

“And why are you wearing a dress?”

“Because...look, just come over later. Around five please, my date is at seven.”

He watched her walk away. He studied the way she put her hands in her pockets, the way her shoulders hunched. She didn’t seem excited. He had this idea that if Hange would go on a date, she'd be bouncing off the walls, even if she was nervous. Who was she going out with that made her so subdued? Why was she doing this? He found it hard to go back to picking bugs off his plants without squeezing the little pests in anger. He just didn’t like the air of unease she was giving off.

He wanted to help her anyway, even though it bothered him.

* * *

 

Five came and went. He would have been right on time, but he just couldn't get motivated to go over there. He decided to do a little cleaning to stall for time, but eventually, he knew he couldn't let Hange down. He saw Nanaba’s car outside of the house. So she was asking everyone for help, she wasn't alone. He hopped the fence and went in the back door. Hange was sitting in the kitchen with Nanaba and she waved excitedly as he entered. Nanaba was curling her hair into loose ringlets. He wondered if it Nanaba was the one who made Hange’s hair so nearly irresistible that night at prom. Even now he wanted to touch her curls.

Nanaba met eyes with him. He could tell it was more than concentration that made her frown.

“Levi, how’s it going?” Hange said.

“Why are you going on a date?” he asked. Hange groaned.

“Everyone’s asking that question. I’m going on a date because I want to. One of my colleagues set me up, I agreed to go,” she said.

“So you don’t know this guy?” he asked.

“True love happens in all kinds of places.”

Nanaba mumbled something under her breath and Hange flushed and narrowed her eyes.

“Shut up, Nanaba,” she hissed through clenched teeth.

“Looks like you have Nanaba, why do you need me?” he asked.

“Because you're a guy, you have excellent taste and you can tell me if I’d be appealing to my date,” she said. “And Nanaba's just going to be nice and tell me I look good in everything. I trust your honesty.”

“Why can’t you wear something that you like?”

“I like all the dresses I own.”

“I would hope so. I think the better question is: why are you wearing one tonight?”

“I’m on a date.”

“Okay, let's try this again. Why can’t you wear really nice pants or something?”

“Stop asking questions!”

Hange’s face was now red and Nanaba was shocked at the volume. Hange crossed her arms and looked away from him.

“I’m sorry,” Levi said. She narrowed her eyes. “Do you want me to leave?”

She sighed. “No, stay.”

Nanaba shot him a look and he sat at the kitchen counter.

“So what do you know about this guy?” he asked.

“His name is Aaron. He’s a researcher like I am. That’s about it. We’re supposed to get to know each other on the date, right?” Hange said. He watched her carefully and she avoided his gaze. Nanaba ran her hands though Hange’s curls.

“Hair’s done. Let’s pick the dress so I can decide the makeup,” she said. Levi crossed his arms.

“Why does she need make up?” he asked.

“Because I want to wear makeup, Levi,” Hange said. “And don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

“Why do you _really_ want to wear make up?” he asked.

“Levi! Just this once: stop asking questions!” Hange shouted.

Nanaba held her shoulders. “I know you’re nervous, but don’t take it out on Levi.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled,” Hange said.

“Right. Let’s see what you have,” he said. They went upstairs to her bedroom. Levi had never seen it before, but Nanaba tossed herself on the bed like she lived there. Unlike the rest of her house, which wasn’t really decorated, this room was carefully so. She had an image of the galaxy for her bedspread and crisp, simple furniture. He saw gaming consoles of all sorts neatly arranged in shelving along the wall and looked around for a television. When he saw none he decided to look for clues as to where it would be. He noted the blackout curtains, the slot in the ceiling in front of her bed and a projector on a shelf above her headboard. A projector screen. Hange was a pretty serious gamer then. He wasn't surprised.

“Levi, look,” Nanaba said. He turned his attention to Hange. She had three dresses. Red orange, black, and a rich plum, all colors that would look amazing against her olive skin. He went over and examined all three.

“What impression do you want to give?” he asked. She sighed.

“Fun, lively, and normal,” she said. He narrowed his eyes and looked at her.

“And what?”

She didn’t repeat herself. He held up the reddish orange one to her. Sleeveless, it would dip low enough so you could get just enough skin, her collar bones alone were enough delicious temptation. Levi bit his lip in a pretense of thought. The skirt flared a bit. He then held up the purple one. It was a bit more tailored to her shape, would probably hug her hips just so. He didn’t get to see them too often. If he didn’t get to see curves, this guy didn’t deserve to either. Besides, she probably couldn’t take long strides like she usually did. Not a good idea for a first date, maybe second. The black dress wouldn’t be fun enough. He threw the reddish orange one toward Nanaba.

“That one,” he said. Hange smiled.

“Okay. It’s up to you if you want to see the finished product,” Hange said. Product. Hange fashioning herself into something that she was uncomfortable with. He did stay. He wanted to see, wanted to confirm something. When Nanaba was done with her make up, when she wore her jewelry, when the dress was on and she was holding her clutch and wearing her heels, he was speechless. Hange looked like a celebrity about to be interviewed on television. He took her hand. Her nails were painted with a clear polish.

“You look beautiful,” he said. Her smile was painful.

“Thanks,” she whispered. She was whispering, another thing he didn't like. She was beautiful. But the way she walked was not the way Hange walked. She avoided touching her face and hair, and she didn’t smile the same. It was all wrong.

“He’s picking me up soon, so you’ve got to get out of here Levi. Don't want him to think I'm taken,” Hange told him. He nodded. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like the way Hange had to change.

The outfit was missing its key ingredient: Hange’s confident and energetic smile.

* * *

 

He honestly thought Hange’s date would go one of two ways: good, or comically bad. He expected her to call the next day and report. It started to rain and he was trying to finish up a season of Star Trek. Both Lysol and Windex liked this show, so they were watching quietly with him. And then his phone rang. When he answered there was a long pause, but he heard the sound of rain.

“Hange is that you?” he asked.

“I'm sorry for yelling at you,” she said.

“What?”

“I'm just sorry, okay?”

“Where are you?”

“Will you shut up and let me apologize, damn it!”

“Hange, I don't care about what happened before. Do you need help?”

She didn't speak right away. “I-I'm at a bus stop.”

“Give me the cross street, I'll be there,” he said. He didn’t bother to do anything else but grab a jacket and his keys. He drove to the bus stop where Hange was. She was lying on her side on the bench. He helped her to sit up and she wouldn't look him in the eye.

“Those benches are gross,” he said.

“I'm sorry,” she said.

“Shut up.”

He threw his jacket over her shoulders and got her into the car. They didn’t say a word on the way home and she took off her glasses and slumped over almost like she was sick. She started to frantically rub her face and he grabbed her hand.

“Stop. Don’t do anything. I’ll take care of you, all right?” he said. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes and entwined her fingers with his.

“My date sucked,” she said softly.

“I can tell. Why didn’t you wait at the restaurant?”

“People were staring at me. I was embarrassed. I just wanted to go home.”

“Why didn't you call Mike and Nanaba?”

“Because...well, fuck.”

“That's not an answer.”

“I don't want to give an answer! I was just pissed off and he couldn't even drive me home, the damn bastard. I can't think straight, I'm tired.”

He held her hand tighter, but she didn’t squeeze back. When they got home, he opened up the car door for her. He put his arm around her and started for her house.

“No. Please...can I stay with you?” she asked. He nodded and led her to his front door. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing for shit,” he said. He led her to his master bathroom, gave her his favorite monogrammed blue silk pajamas and the fluffiest towels he owned.

“Wash up. If you want to talk we will, if you don’t it’s all right,” he said. She nodded.

“Um...Nanaba left makeup remover and a special cream for my face in my room. Water won’t get all of this off,” she said. He looked at her face. Makeup was running in messy streaks down her face.

“I’ll get it,” he said. As he left his room Windex was waiting outside. He stroked her head. “She’s in bad shape, go wait for her.”

Windex darted into his room and he went to get the makeup remover and moisturizer Nanaba left behind. He grabbed a few hair ties. When he returned, he set a pot of tea on, but got out a bottle of wine just in case she wanted to drink instead. He went upstairs to check on Hange. He knocked.

“Come in,” she said. She was curled up on his bed in his pajamas, with Windex purring in her arms. Her glasses were on the bedside table and hair was still very wet. He picked up the towel from where she threw it on the floor and began to blot her hair so it would be a little dryer.

“You have to sit up,” he said. She sat up and kept her eyes closed. He took the packet of makeup remover cloths and wiped her face with care, trying to get all of the makeup off her face. Then he spread the moisturizer on her skin and massaged her cheeks with his thumbs. It was only then that she opened her eyes.

“You’re still beautiful,” he said. Hange’s bottom lip trembled but she moved so she could flop on the bed and Windex found her way back into her arms. He went downstairs and made them both a cup of tea. When he returned she was still curled around Windex.

“I have tea for us,” he said.

“Thank you,” she mumbled. She didn’t move. He set both cups on the bedside table and crawled over to her. He did what he was aching to do all night and ran his fingers through her hair. She whimpered a little in pleasure and curled up tighter. He tied up her hair in a loose bun as best he could since she was on her side. She rolled over so she could face him, leaving Windex alone and angry. He ignored Windex's annoyed meowing as he put his hand on the side of Hange's neck and massaged a little. Hange sniffled first as though she were trying to stifle the bigger emotions that were welling to the surface. Then she started to sob and covered her eyes with her hand. When she dared to remove it, when he could finally see her tears he felt like he’d been torn apart by feral dogs. Even as she cried, she kept trying to hold it back somehow, occasionally clenching her teeth, covering her face. He grabbed her hands and held them fast.

“Don't hide from me,” he said. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together to try and stop. She ripped her hands from his grasp and wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. He put his arms around her and she pressed herself against him, and allowed her legs to get tangled with his, as though she couldn't get close enough. He couldn’t bear this. That some guy had been allowed the privilege of dating Hange and fucked it up so badly that he made her cry. He rubbed her back and she responded by balling his shirt in her fists.

Hange worked herself into hysterics and with every muffled wail, it further smashed his heart. Someone was going to die for this. She stopped crying eventually, but he got a preview of what his torture in hell was going to be. Hange in his arms crying and no way for him to comfort her.

She kept sniffling and she hiccuped a little. He reached over and got a box of tissues. She wiped her nose.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he said as he rubbed her back. She moved away from him and he allowed her the space she needed.

“It was bad from the start,” she said. “I wore my glasses. As soon as I got in the car, he said under his breath, 'not another glasses chick.'” She started laughing and he wiped away a stray tear. “Dinner was actually pretty good. I didn't talk about research, or my garden, or anything. Just normal, painfully normal talk. And then he mentioned the damn Star Trek movies. The new ones of course. Why did he do that?”

Levi chuckled. “You caved, didn't you?”

“Couldn't stop talking. After that he got really quiet and kept ordering drink after drink. And said stuff like, 'I can't believe they set me up with another weird bitch,' and...” She drew a ragged breath. “'There aren't enough drinks in the world to make you hot, Zoë.' Damn bastard kept hurling insults at me and making a scene. I was so embarrassed I just left. He was probably too drunk to drive me home anyway.”

Hange covered her face again and let out a quick succession of squeaky, painful sounding sobs. He held out his arms and she snuggled closer again. Levi didn't know who he was, but this guy was going to wake up castrated in an alley.

“Damn it, Levi. I tried this time! I tried! I dressed like a girl, I tried to stop talking about everything I care about, and when I'm myself, even for a second it's all over. It doesn't matter, I wasn't even hot to begin with. I just don't appeal to anyone. Not as myself and not when I try to do what is expected of me. I'm kind of a girl sometimes. I just thought maybe if I was more like a girl, if I followed the rules I could be attractive y'know? And I just can't do it. You knew I wasn't comfortable today, didn't you? It's why you asked all those damn questions. I don't mind make up and dresses and shit. I actually like it a little bit. I thought I looked nice.”

“You did. You looked amazing,” Levi said.

“But I wasn't doing any of that because I wanted to. Not today. I was trying so hard to please this guy I didn't know and who didn't even care about me.”

He held her close and rubbed his nose in her hair. “Screw normal people. Don't listen to them, don't try to please them. Be yourself, make yourself happy. Be abnormal.”

She laughed. “You're abnormal too.”

“That's why I do what I want,” he said.

She hummed in contentment and squeezed him. “Thanks Levi. But rejection still hurts.”

“It's a bitch.”

“Is it okay if I cry?”

“I just told you to do whatever the fuck you want.”

Even though the sound of her crying killed him, she was safe in his arms. Even though he was sure she didn't tell him everything, she was still letting him know how badly she hurt and letting him comfort her.

It dawned on him. Before she even bothered to call Mike and Nanaba, she called him. He had been used by jealous and heartbroken people to get a rebound, to get revenge, and here he was with a person he truly cared about after a horrible date and all she wanted was for him to hold her. He was excited to do that for her, he didn't want to let her go even after she stopped crying. He liked cuddling her damn it. He liked it a lot. Because with her cuddling was more than just a sensual experience. There was something so satisfying about the way she fit in his arms, about the talks they had. It felt secure and intimate. He wanted her to trust him more, to stop giving him highlights of her feelings and experiences and bare her soul to him. She gave him a safe forum, he needed to do the same for her.

She had fallen asleep in his arms, tears still lingered on her cheeks. He wiped them away and tucked her into his bed. He could sleep on the pull out couch tonight. Windex ran in as he walked out, Lysol following close behind. Hange was in good hands. Paws, rather.

* * *

Hange was still sleeping despite the prodding of Windex and Lysol. Levi watched her from the doorway. He really didn't want to disturb her, and the sight of her resting was honestly just too peaceful. He wanted to see her like this, it was a welcome change from the soul crushing experience of seeing her cry. He didn't dare walk closer, just turned away and headed for the kitchen. He ran a hand through his messy hair and sighed.

“I could wake up to that every morning,” he said absently. He stopped dead in his tracks. He could actually wake up to Hange's face every morning and be happy. That could only mean one thing. He ran to get his phone and dialed Erwin quickly.

“Levi? It's pretty early...” Erwin said.

“There's a girl in my bed,” Levi said.

Erwin was silent for a while. “Do you want me to help get her to leave?”

“No, I want her to stay.”

“All right. I know you stopped sleeping around, but sex is just like a bike. You never really forget how—”

“No, Erwin. Hange came over last night.”

“Oh...”

“Not like that! She had a bad date. A really bad date. I let her stay in my room, I slept in my living room. Nothing happened.”

Erwin was quiet again. “Why are you really calling?”

“She's in my bed. She's asleep and I don't want her to leave.”

“Look, I advise against sleeping with her because it can be complicated because you're neigh—”

“I'm falling for her Erwin.” There was no answer. “Is it so hard to believe that I like someone?”

“Honestly, a little, yes. If you're serious you should tell her how you feel.”

Levi groaned. “I don't know how.”

“Figure out how. But for today, you have to let her go. Telling her now is not a good idea.”

“I know.”

“Do you want to talk more?”

“Not now. I have to make breakfast.”

“Fine. Don't hesitate to call.”

“Sure. Bye.”

Levi pressed his hands over his face. This was overwhelming. He had to take action. So he made omelets. Hange woke up and trudged into the kitchen with Lysol in one arm. Her hair sticking up all over the place, she squinted around, and the pajamas didn't quite fit. He plated the omelets while she sat at the kitchen counter.

“For you,” he said. She mumbled a “thank you,” and started to eat. He sat next to her and said nothing. She dropped her fork after a few bites. He looked at her with alarm. “Hange, are you—”

She hugged him tightly and released him just as quickly. “Thanks for last night. And thanks for breakfast. You're a great friend.”

He put his arm around her shoulders. “You're welcome.”

They continued to eat in silence. Lysol found her way onto Hange's lap and Windex curled near her feet.

“You know what would make you feel better?”

She shook her head.

“An episode of Star Trek. Do you want to watch one before you go home?” he asked.

She nodded. They cleaned up the kitchen together and settled in the living room. He made them both a cup of tea and picked the last episode he left off on. Hange grinned as she watched and slid her hand into his. He wanted to spend an entire lazy Saturday like this. When the episode was over she gathered her things.

“Oh, sorry. I should put the dress back on so you can have your pajamas,” she said.

“No. Wear them home. You can cross through the backyard so no one will see you,” he said.

“I'll wash them,” she said.

“No, don't. I need to wash them a specific way. Just return them.”

“All right. And really, thanks so much, Levi.”

He hugged her and she sighed into his arms. He had to let her go. She went off and hopped the fence into her own yard. He sat on the steps of his back deck. How the hell was he supposed to tell her how he felt about her? He breathed deeply. He'd figure it out, he was a man of action after all.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She supposed that camping with family was the perfect way to be around him and have a thousand other things to distract her at the same time. This could work out just fine.

Hange had to tell Nanaba and Mike about her horrible date. It was just what she did, she went on a date and she told them about it, good or bad. She still hadn’t bothered to take off Levi’s pajamas. She found them oddly comforting. They did fit little weird, though. The top was too big, he had broader shoulders than her, but the pants were a little short because her legs were longer. She wore them low on her hips just so her ankles wouldn’t be cold. But they were a nice silk and felt good on her skin. It was such a relief to put those on when she stepped out of the shower. She really liked her dress, but she just couldn’t even look at it. Not when it reminded her that she failed so badly at being beautiful. She’d tossed it on her closet floor for when she could stand to look at it. She was under her covers as she called Nanaba.

“Hange! I was expecting your call. How did it go?” Nanaba asked. “Wait, Mike’s here too. I’m putting you on speaker.”

Hange closed her eyes. She wanted to joke about what happened. She wanted to make this light, so it wouldn’t hurt her. But this date was beyond just bad or boring. He had actively insulted her the entire time. It had been a while since someone treated her that badly. What killed her was that she wasn’t dressed ambiguously in the least. She had clearly chosen to try to appeal to him, just to satisfy the heteronormative binary gender system, just to see if it’d work for her. It didn’t and it sucked. She covered her eyes.

“Hange?” Mike said. “You don’t sound so good.”

Hange tried to hold back a sob, but it got out.

“Zoë? Are you all right?” Nanaba said. Damn it, they started using her first name.

“My date kind of sucked,” she said.

“We’re coming over,” Nanaba said. “We’ll let ourselves in. Are you in your room?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon,” Hange said. She hung up and fell back on her pillows. She hugged her arms and smoothed the silk under her fingers. She’d have to take this off, no need to have them asking why she was wearing pajamas that had “L.A.” embroidered on the pocket. It was very clearly not something she’d buy. She took them off and put on a T-shirt and sweatpants. She carefully folded Levi’s pajamas and put them away so they wouldn’t be seen, crawled under her covers and waited.

Mike’s motorcycle pulled up in her driveway, she could hear it. They opened the door, got settled. Hange closed her eyes and curled up a bit. They would be with her soon. Nanaba was the first to jump on her bed and hug her tightly.

“I’m sorry about your shitty date,” she said. Mike crawled on the other side of her and hugged them both. She heard him sniffing her hair.

“Hmm...” he said. “Must be a popular scent or something...”

“What?” Hange said.

“Nothing. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

“We bought your favorite,” Nanaba said.

“Skittles?” Hange asked.

Nanaba held up the bag and shook it. Hange grabbed it with excitement.

“You want to watch a movie too?” Mike said.

“Do I ever,” she said. “But...I guess I have to tell you just how bad my date was.”

She gave them a play by play. Backhanded compliments on the way there. He ordered for her (and it was a salad and she was pretty damn hungry, she ordered more when he went to the bathroom). Conversation was boring. He was weirded out by her love of Star Trek. He kept insulting her. He got drunk and insulted her loudly in front of everyone. She paid for dinner because he was too drunk to function after a while, but it was pretty damn expensive because of all the booze he’d ordered. She couldn’t stand being there another second so she left without him.

“If he was drunk and couldn’t drive, how did you get home last night?” Nanaba asked.

“If you walked home I swear, Zoë...” Mike said.

“I, uh...” Hange began. She closed her eyes and rested her head on Nanaba’s shoulder. “I called Levi.”

She knew the two of them exchanged looks.

“So that’s why I smelled his cologne on you,” Mike said.

She laughed and hoped she hid her nervousness. “Yeah, I guess.”

She dreaded any questions that were to come. She wouldn’t know how to answer. Nanaba squeezed her a little.

“To quote our conversation yesterday: ‘True love happens in all kinds of places...’” Nanaba said.

“Shut up, Nanaba,” Hange said.

“’Even next door,’” Nanaba finished. Hange sighed. She sincerely hoped Levi hadn’t heard her yesterday.

“That’s just it though. I mean, he lives right next door. It made more sense to call him. He came right away,” Hange said. She knew damn well she wasn’t thinking about logistics last night. All she knew was that she was hurting and she wanted Levi. She wanted to be with him and in his arms and hear his voice. He went above and beyond what she wanted. There was something so decidedly comforting about waking up in his bed with his cats hovering around her, stumbling downstairs and knowing that she would not be judged for crying or looking a wreck. Knowing he’d still let her hug him, that he’d hug her and let her hold his hand. She did not want to talk about what all of that could possibly mean.

Much to Hange’s surprise, Mike and Nanaba did not press her for more information about Levi. They watched movies in her room, Nanaba decided to stay the night and she was on the road to being her old, cheerful self again.

* * *

Levi didn’t treat her any differently in the next few days and she was glad. She didn’t want him to start treating her as some fragile, spineless person. But she did notice his gaze followed her longer and it seemed...searching. She didn’t really want him to try and search her, but she knew he of all people would understand that it was often better to leave certain things alone. As much as she didn’t want to give him the opportunity to ask questions, she sought out reasons to be around him and for him to come over. They talked about everything, from Levi trucking through Star Trek and Hange starting G Gundam to sharing the produce from their gardens.

Peppered in these encounters were casual touches, holding hands, hugs, hands in hair. Hange avoided being in his arms for too long though. As much as she wanted to hold him and be held, and she loved the dizzying rush and the smell of his skin and hair, she couldn’t afford the feelings that came along with it.

She received a call from her brother, Rick. She knew very well what it was about. They had a yearly camping trip. Hange had already started packing and she and Rick usually touched base around this time of year to work things out. Things were relatively as she expected until Rick paused started to stammer a bit.

“Do you think...maybe Levi would like to come with us this year?” he asked. Hange was quiet in the wake of the surge of emotions that filled her. On the one hand, she desperately wanted Levi to come. On the other, she wasn’t sure if she was up to being around him. Well, she could only count on Levi refusing to go, which she was sure he would.

“I can’t make any promises. I’ll ask him myself and let you know,” Hange said.

“Good. Call me as soon as he gives you an answer,” he said. Hange was a little dazed as she hung up. Never in the history of forever had Rick ever invited anyone on his camping trip outside of family. The only person he invited once was his girlfriend Tameryn, and he proposed on the trip, so Hange didn’t even count that. Not even Mike had the distinction of being invited.

She approached Levi that afternoon while he was in his garden. She sat right next to him and Windex hopped in her lap. Levi did not look up from his work.

“Give me your hand,” he said. She held it out. He put a tomato in her palm.

“That’s for you,” he said. She grinned.

“Thanks,” she said. “Um...so you’ve been invited to go camping with my brother Rick and his family.”

Levi paused, but didn’t look at her. “Will you be there?”

“Of course I will,” she said. He kept working.

“I’ve never been camping before,” he said.

“Oh? What a shame.” She was in the clear.

“I don’t have any camping supplies. Ask him what I should buy,” Levi said. She froze.

“Y-you mean you’re coming?” she asked. He looked at her finally.

“Of course I am.”

Hange held Windex close to hide her smile. As excited as she was, she was a tiny bit nervous. She supposed that camping with family was the perfect way to be around him and have a thousand other things to distract her at the same time. This could work out just fine.

* * *

The day came much too quickly. Hange was packed and ready, and Levi was prepared as well. They were having breakfast at her house when she remembered a crucial detail, one she’d forgotten to mention. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to do this, but with everyone so close, she had to tell him now. Levi sensed something was up, he nudged her leg with his foot.

“Hey. Shitty Glasses. What’s with the face?” he said. She laughed.

“You can’t call me that in front of the kids,” she said. He sighed.

“I’ll call you Four Eyes instead,” he said.

“Well, it’s about my name anyway. You can’t call me Hange around my family,” she said.

“Because everyone’s Hange on this trip, right?” he said.

“Yeah. So you have to try and call me Zoë.”

“All right, Ha—Zoë. I’m going to hate my life this weekend,” he said.

It was only about another hour or so before Rick and his family arrived. The kids ran out of the cars.

“Zozo!” Sandy cried. She launched herself into Hange’s arms. Charlie and Kayden hugged Hange’s waist. She made sure to give them each a kiss, even though she knew the boys didn’t like it so much. Kayden walked over to Levi with his arms crossed.

“Dad told me we were taking Rich Orphan Yoda with us on the trip,” Kayden said.

“Kayden, what did I tell you about saying things like that?” Tameryn said. Kayden shrugged.

“You’re riding with me, Yoda,” he said as though he were the one driving. Levi gave Hange a look.

“What’s with your family, Hange?” he said.

“I’m sorry. Kayden’s like that since he turned eleven last month,” Rick said.

“No...I was talking to Ha— Zoë,” Levi said. Rick just laughed.

“I see,” Rick said.

“You should have told me about this sooner, Shi—Four Eyes. I could have been working on calling you Zoë all this time,” he said. Hange stuck her tongue out and started to help Tameryn pack up the other car. Rick insisted that he ride with Levi. Kayden and Charlie wanted to ride with him as well. That left her with Tameryn and Sandy. Sandy sang songs to herself while Hange tried to catch up with Tameryn.

They arrived at the campsite in good time and set up camp. The boys insisted on putting up their own tent. Levi and Hange set up the tent she and Sandy were going to share and Rick and Tameryn set up their own tent. They had a pretty good spot by a lake, the trails weren’t too far. Hange couldn’t wait to go swimming. Her mind screeched to a halt as soon as she thought about it. Levi was there. She was a little weird about people seeing her body. Her bathing suit really didn’t show much, it was a one piece and she usually wore a wetsuit over it anyway because she got so cold in the water. But she just didn’t want to think about Levi being able to see more of her than she was used to.

There was some more camp setup to happen, so she’d have to wait to go swimming anyway. Rick worked with Levi a lot, mostly out of Hange’s hearing distance. She was a little nervous about those two together. Rick was a prober. He was away for most of her time in high school, but he came home for one weekend and in that short amount of time he got her to admit she had been bullied and give all the details she’d avoided telling other people. She sincerely hoped he didn’t get her to crack this weekend. She was afraid of what he’d get Levi to admit. She didn’t want to know, she didn’t want to be disappointed.

When camp was set up, Sandy and Charlie took her by her hands.

“I want to go explore. Mom says I need an adult and Yoda and Dad are busy,” Charlie said.

“Come explore with us, Zozo!” Sandy said. Hange laughed.

“All right, guys. I’ll come with you,” she said. She looked back over her shoulder at Rick and Levi. Now she was suspicious as to why Rick invited him. She decided not to worry too much.

* * *

Rick and Levi grilled fish for them that night. The tradition was the first night the children would tell ghost stories. The stories usually succeeded in being very gross rather than scary. What made it worse was that Levi added more disgusting details, usually involving shit somehow. She supposed he was allowed one juvenile fixation. Hange was busy making s’mores and passing them along. Levi was sitting next to her doing the same thing.

“How come Levi’s are so much neater than yours, Zoë?” Rick asked.

“I don’t know. This is the guy who’s first s’more earlier this year,” Hange said.

Levi shrugged. Kayden took one of Levi’s.

“Yeah, Levi’s are just way nicer to eat,” he said. “I’ll pass on yours, Zozo.”

Hange rolled her eyes, but Levi plucked the one she was holding from her hand and started to eat it.

“I’d rather have s’mores from a professional,” he said.

Hange grinned and nudged him with her arm. The boys fought over Levi’s s’mores, while Sandy and Levi quietly gorged on Hange’s. Rick and Tameryn didn’t eat too many. Hange was a bit tired from the trip, when the kids turned in, so did she. Sandy somehow wormed her way over to Hange’s side of the tent and curled up against her. Hange closed her eyes. She needed to rest if she hoped to go swimming early the next day.

* * *

She heard the thud. She ignored it, lots of things made noise in the woods. But two bickering children was quite distinct. She sat up and listened.

“If you had just listened to me, we wouldn’t be here!” Kayden said. There was the sound of a scuffle and then it stopped suddenly.

“Hey, hey. Calm down. We won’t fix it tonight. We’ll take care of the tent tomorrow. Let’s just ask...Zoë if she’ll let us sleep in her tent,” Levi said. The boys groaned, but Levi tapped on their door. Hange unzipped it.

“I heard everything,” she said.

“Do you have room for us?” he said. She looked around.

“It might be a tight squeeze with the sleeping bags,” she said.

“We’ll use the sleeping bags as cushion and we’ll use some of the camping blankets for warmth. It’s not super cold tonight,” he said. She nodded.

“That could work. I have an extra, I know Rick has an extra,” Hange said.

“And I bought one,” Levi said.

“All right then. We have a plan,” Hange said.

Kayden went with Levi to get the blankets while Hange, Sandy, and Charlie all spread the sleeping bags on the floor of the tent. Charlie was sniffling in anger and she hugged him.

“It’s not your fault. We’re all just sleepy and cranky,” she said. He hugged her tightly and released her when he could see the light from Levi’s flashlight. Hange let them in. They arranged themselves as best they could, Levi on one end, the children in between and Hange on the other.

“Good night everybody,” Hange said. Sandy mumbled a good night as she draped an arm over Hange’s waist.

“Good night, kids,” Levi said. “Good night, Zoë.”

Hange tried to make out his expression in the dark, but without her glasses it was a lost cause. She bit her lip and smoothed Sandy’s hair. Her name sounded so comfortable when he said it, like he should be calling her that from across the yard or whispering it against her neck. She drew a sharp breath. There was something very weird about thinking like that around children. Her nieces and nephews no less. Still, sharing a makeshift bed with children and Levi, made her wonder what it would be like to sleep in a bed with a child nestled between them. Maybe a tiny version of Levi with a bright smile. She smiled, though it was bittersweet. Sweet because Levi’s child would be wonderful and potentially highly amusing, bitter because it wouldn’t happen at least not with her. Because Zoë Hange didn’t get what she wanted.

* * *

Hange was up before everyone. She carefully removed Sandy’s arms from around her and changed into her bathing suit. It was a splurge, an R2D2 one piece and she absolutely loved it. As much as she wanted to show it off (mostly for herself, no one was awake), she knew the water was going to be freezing, so she put her wetsuit on over it. She went out into the water and swam as far as she could. There was a thin fog over the water, not bad enough for her to get lost or anything. She floated on the water a little bit and allowed herself to be peaceful and forced herself not to think about Levi. She didn’t know how long she was out there, but her hands and feet were getting a little numb, so she decided to swim back. She saw the red smudge that was Tameryn’s truck, so she headed in that direction.

When she got to a depth she could stand in, she stopped swimming and trudged back to shore. Without thinking, she unzipped her wetsuit and slipped out of the top half, letting it flop around her hips. It was only then that she saw Levi sitting on the shore in a camping chair with a book and a cup of what she assumed was tea. She was still freezing, but her face heated up so fast.

“You need a towel, R2?”

“Um, yeah,” she said. He tossed her one and she dried off and wrapped it around her shoulders.

“I don’t see how you can be cold,” he said.

“Well, the wetsuit helps a lot, but the water is freezing and my hands and feet are really cold so...yeah...”

“I still don’t see how you can be cold when you’re so hot,” he said.

She sighed. “Well, my face and hair are wet and it’s early and the sun hasn’t come—what did you just say?” He was absorbed in his book and sipped his tea. She smirked and leaned in close to him. “You just used a lame pick up line on me.”

“Did I?”

“You totally did!” Hange started laughing and he snatched the towel away from her. “No, give that back, I’m still co—What are you doing?” He threw her over his shoulder and started walking into the lake. “Put me down!”

“You’re extremely hot. It’s quite worrisome. We have to cool you down right now,” he said. Without another warning he threw her into the lake. She couldn’t stop laughing as she came to the surface. He just looked down at her with his arms crossed.

“You have this weird obsession with dropping me in water,” she said.

“It didn’t work,” he said.

“What?”

“You didn’t change at all. Still hot.”

He walked away and Hange ran up behind him and hugged him. He let out a cry.

“You’re fucking freezing!” he said.

“Finally, you tell the truth,” she said. He removed her arms from around his waist and turned to face her.

“You want to hear the truth?” he said. She nodded. He took her face in his hands. His face was completely serious and as expressionless as it usually was. He was about to lay some sort of painful truth on her.

“You’re pretty damn sexy, Zozo,” he said. Hange tried so hard not to laugh, but she couldn’t hold it back. She burst out laughing in his face.

“That whole sentence was just so weird,” she said. “You’re acting weird.”

“Am I?”

“Go finish your tea or something. I want the real Levi back,” she said. He shrugged and went back to reading. She wriggled out of her wetsuit and hung it to dry over a tree branch. She went to get her clothes and change. Yeah. Levi was tired. There was no way he was flirting with her. Besides, wasn’t he some sort of sex god? There was no way he’d be that bad at flirting.

* * *

As was tradition, Rick led a hike on one of the trails. Hange always loved this because she liked being around nature and taking in the sights. There was one year when only she and Rick could go camping and that hike was the best. They talked for hours and every time she went into the woods she thought about that day. Even when other people came with them, they always took the last leg of the hike alone together on a difficult trail so they could just talk about things.

Until it was time to split off, Hange decided to make Sandy her hiking buddy this year, though she was so tempted to ask Levi. Levi seemed to pick before they even started, he and Rick were already talking. She found their interaction very odd. Neither of them were particularly animated, but they were obviously comfortable with each other. Levi wasn’t a smiley person, but Rick was, at least more than Levi. They seemed to be enjoying their talks so Hange couldn’t say much. Though it killed her to know what they were talking about.

Charlie and Kayden followed close behind Levi. Tamaryn floated between all of them, but she just seemed happy for a few quiet moments in which someone else took charge and she could relax and enjoy the scenery. Sandy talked animatedly about how she had an imaginary friend who was a dragon princess as she held Hange’s hand. Hange was just glad not to be in a lab and not agonizing over her last date or thinking about Levi.

No, she was still thinking about Levi, but he wasn’t quite as terrible as the other things. Rick had stopped at a fork in the road.

“Zozo, the caves are down that way. Do you want to take Levi? I told him about them and said he wanted to see them, but the trail is really rough and climbing down to them is even harder. I don’t want to take the kids. We’ll meet up with you at the next trail marker. You remember where that is?” Rick said.

“I do. I’ll take him,” she said.

“Can I come?” Kayden asked.

“Me too!” Charlie said.

“No. It’s just a little too difficult. Stay with us, we’re going to see the waterfalls instead,” he said. The boys groaned and Hange and Levi set off. She didn’t really say much to him. The trail required a bit more concentration as there were more rocks and places where you had to climb. When they got to an easier part of the trail, they stopped for water.

“So are you having fun with us?” she asked.

“Yeah. I think I like camping,” he said.

“Good, good. I was worried we’d scare you away from it,” she said.

“No. I’m having fun.”

“Talking to Rick mostly,” she said.

“Yeah. He’s easy to talk to,” he said.

Hange smiled warmly. “I know. You want to keep going?”

He nodded. They continued and Hange felt the cool air wafting from the caves ahead. They were a bit treacherous to climb into, but Levi followed her right into the depths of the earth. She took his hand when they reached the bottom.

“I don’t think we should go too far, but it’s truly beautiful in here,” she said. He moved beside her as she turned on her flashlight. He gasped a little as the stalactites and stalagmites were illuminated.

“It’s pretty cool,” he said. Hange sat down and shined the light up and he sat next to her. Their shoulders were touching and she didn't realize how much she missed just casually touching him. She'd avoided it around her family, lest they draw conclusions and ask questions. She scooted behind him and hugged his shoulders.

“You cold?” he said.

“A bit,” she said. He leaned back against her and she held him tighter.

“I’ll hold the flashlight,” he said. He took it from her hand and shined the light in different areas he wanted to see. She closed her eyes and snuggled close to him, rubbing her cheek against his neck and shoulder. He swallowed and put his hand on her knee and she sighed and pressed closer to him.

“You’re so warm,” she said.

“Am I?”

His voice seemed distant and soft. He rubbed his cheek on her hair. She wanted to say something, but her heart was beating too fast. She wondered if he could feel it beating against his back. That was embarrassing. She wondered if she should let him go and give him some space, but she was comfortable like this.

A cry from the entrance to the cave made them separate. Hange knew that voice.

“Kayden?” she said and ran to the mouth of the cave. Sure enough, Kayden was holding onto the steep rock wall, shaking with one foot dangling.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Stay right there,” Hange said. Before she could even begin to climb, Levi was ahead of her. They climbed on either side of Kayden. She grabbed the back of his shirt.

“Now reach over and grab Levi,” she said.

“I’m afraid to let go!” Kayden cried.

“We’ve got you, don’t worry,” Levi said. Kayden gulped and reached over and grabbed Levi’s shoulders, and swung his legs around Levi’s waist.

“Is he too heavy?” Hange asked. Levi shook his head and started to climb up the rock face, Hange right beside them. When they got to the top, Kayden released Levi and hugged Hange tightly.

“I’m sorry, Zozo. I just wanted to hang out with you guys,” he said.

“You’re safe now. It’s okay,” she said.

“Thank god!” a voice called. All three looked over to see Rick climbing across the rocky trail. “He separated from us and I was sure he came here.”

“I’m sorry, Dad,” Kayden said. Rick sighed and put his hands on Kayden’s shoulders.

“I know it’s tempting to be like Levi, but you have to remember he’s much older and stronger than you,” Rick said. “Let’s go back now. Your mom’s worried.”

Kayden nodded sadly and they headed to the next trail marker. Tameryn ran for Kayden as soon as she saw him and hugged him tightly.

“Sorry, Mom,” he mumbled.

“You’re all right, that’s all that matters,” she said. “Here’s where we split off anyway.”

“Split off?” Levi said.

“Yeah. Rick and Zoë always do the longer, harder part of the trail and everyone else goes back to camp. They call it sibling bonding.”

“Yeah, Levi. You’ve had my brother this entire trip. Now it’s my turn,” Hange said.

The rest headed down the easier trail while Rick and Hange headed up the more treacherous one. Hange knew she’d never have a better time than now. Once they were a good distance away, she knew it was safe.

“Why’d you invite Levi?” she asked. Rick chuckled.

“I knew that’d be your first question. I wanted to see him more closely,” he said.

“But why camping? That’s a family thing.”

“Why’d you invite him to Christmas?”

“He was all alone.”

“And?”

“And? And nothing. Levi's not special, I invited Mike to Christmas,” Hange said.

“Yeah and you were basically resigned to marry him,” Rick said.

“Resigned? I loved Mike!”

“Yeah, but Levi’s here and Mike’s not.”

Hange was quiet for a bit. “So what are you saying?”

“What did you say when I first invited Levi on the camping trip?” Rick said.

“I don’t know. ‘Why Levi?’”

“No. You said, ‘I can’t guarantee he’ll come.’ You didn’t say he _sh_ _ouldn’t_ come.”

“So what?” Hange said.

“Do you remember what I said when I _hinted_ that Mike might someday come on our camping trips? I know you don’t, so I’ll remind you. You said, ‘We absolutely have to wait until we’re married. Not before then.’ Why did you hesitate to push for Mike to come sooner? Why did you have to wait until you were married to even think of inviting him?”

Hange shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“I can’t tell you for sure, but I know one thing. Levi’s different. He came to our family function knowing that there was the ugly sweater rule and didn’t wear one. I know he made an active choice not to wear it, it was the way he responded when I asked. He still participated in our festivities, he gave no disruptions, and he even helped out and saved us from a tiny crisis. But he did all of that while distinctly remaining himself. He did not judge our rules, but he did not follow them either. And he didn’t impose his own rules on us. You need someone like that, Zoë. Someone who is true to themselves and accepts you as you are.”

“Mike accepted me,” she said softly.

“He did. And I think you would have been happy with Mike.”

“What makes Levi better? Why didn’t Mike and I work out?”

“That I can’t explain. That’s all you, I can’t read your mind. Plus there different circumstances, different kinds of chemistry. All of that. I can say this about Levi if you’re curious: he really likes you, I can tell.”

Hange almost fell off the rock she was standing on. Rick caught her. “W-what makes you think that?”

“A lot of little things. No matter how long we talked, he always glanced in your direction whenever he could. He’s attentive to you. He brought you up almost all the time when we were talking. And don’t think I didn’t see the whole exchange this morning,” he said.

“You saw that?”

“Yeah. He likes you Zozo,” he said. Hange shook her head.

“You’re my older brother. You’re supposed to imagine every guy thinks I’m hot and wants to marry me.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that. You aren’t going to believe that he likes you for one simple reason.”

“Well, I’m me. That’s for one.”

“That’s not it.”

“It’s not?”

Rick sat down and Hange sat next to him. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. It was a familiar gesture, he used to do this after he bandaged her knees, or when she lost her first science fair.

“How do you feel about him?” he asked. Hange didn’t bother to hold back. She hugged Rick tightly and buried her face in his chest. He rubbed her back as her silent tears soaked his shirt.

“I like him, Rick. I had a crush on him almost from the start and now I’m falling in love with him and I can’t stop myself. And he can’t possibly feel the same about me. It never works out like that. I never get what I want, Rick.”

He let her cry and when she finally stopped he held her shoulders.

“I’m going to tell you the truth. And you won’t believe me, because it sounds too good. You are going to be happy. And the kind of happiness you’re going to get isn’t going to come easy. And to keep that happiness will take work and communication. But you will be happy. You’re not at the point of absolute trust, but you don’t hold back with Levi. Even though you loved Mike, I sensed a hesitation. It was like Mike was waiting for you to trust fall he was ready to catch you and you just wouldn’t let yourself fall. But with Levi, I can see something different out of you. You’re more willing to try with him. I want you to keep trying.”

“But it’s so scary,” she said.

“It’ll get less scary. I know,” Rick said. She gave him one last hug.

“Let’s get back to camp,” she said. He grinned and held her hand. For part of the trail you could see the campsite by the lake. Hange noted that the children were swimming and Levi was with them. Kayden called to them and they both waved. Tameryn was sprawled out on her towel asleep. As they reached the campsite and it seemed like the kids were done swimming for the day. Before she could even begin to look for Levi, he was right in front of her, blocking her way and out of breath. She stopped short and jumped a little. He was pretty far out in the lake last she saw, so he must have swam back in a hurry. He was soaking wet and in a bathing suit. And shirtless. Hange was speechless for a number of reasons and could do nothing but stare. She knew Levi worked out with Mike and Nanaba, so he had to be pretty strong, but she never correlated that therefore he must also be ripped. More like she never pictured it. So here he was mere inches away from her perfectly chiseled, dripping wet, and staring intently at her.

“How was your hike?” he said without a smile.

“U-um...good,” she said.

“I’m starting dinner. Go rest,” he said. She didn’t say a word as he walked away, leaving her time to look him up and down.

“I saw that,” Rick whispered to her.

She narrowed her eyes and flushed red. “Shut up, Rick.”

She went to her tent to change and hide her furiously blushing face. Some deity had access to her wild fantasies. Shirtless Levi cooking dinner. She wanted to ask this deity that if they weren't going to give him to her that they should kindly stay the hell out of her head. All they were doing in giving her moments like this was torturing her.

She found herself exhausted after hours of hiking. She changed into not a not sweaty T-shirt and shorts and removed her hiking boots and socks. After all of that, she decided to close her eyes just for a few minutes. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she was gently shaken awake.

“Zoë,” he said softly. She opened her eyes to Levi. Hange knew this unnamed deity was cruel. Yet another thing she'd fantasized about for months: Levi waking her up using her first name. He put her glasses on her face and she sat up.

“Is dinner ready so soon?” she asked. He snorted.

“You were sleeping for forty five minutes,” he said.

“Oh...”

“Rick said you could eat in the tent if you want. I bought you food,” he said. He held up the plate.

“Pancakes? Those are hard to do on a campsite,” she said.

“I wanted to try breakfast for dinner,” he said.

She really wanted to eat alone with him. But she didn't want to add oil to an already raging fire. So she decided to join her family and Levi went with her. Quickly, furtively, before anyone (beside Rick) noticed, he grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

* * *

Levi wore sunglasses on the trip home. If only so that it would be harder for Rick to tell if he was looking the rear view mirror at Hange as she slept in the back seat. He honestly enjoyed himself this weekend for so many reasons. Her family, Rick’s part at least, was pretty fun to be around. The children were fun, Tameryn was sweet, and Rick was very insightful. He wondered what it would have been like growing up with Rick as an older brother, someone who was calm and thoughtful. And it baffled Levi only more that Hange was so closed off. Perhaps she had mastered the art of saying something and telling nothing just because of Rick. Maybe their standard practice was that she’d let off signs she was feeling a certain way, but it was up to Rick to push her for answers. He also wondered what Rick and Hange talked about while they were hiking on their own.

He didn’t realize how much he missed being near Hange until he couldn’t do so openly. There were moments, in the cave, a quick hand hold before they were spotted, but it wasn’t the same. He tried to make the best of other times they were alone. Forever recorded in his memory was when she came back from swimming. She swam up in her wetsuit and when she unzipped it (revealing her R2D2 bathing suit which was so distinctly her it killed him), it was as though everything was in slow motion. She seemed completely unaware that even the way she ran her hand through her wet hair was unbelievably magnetic.

He had to let her know how hot she was. Even if it didn’t come out the way he wanted, even if she didn’t believe him. She laughed in the meantime which was enough. And he dared to watch her take off her wetsuit out of the corner of his eye and watched her walk away when she thought he was no longer looking. Though it had a conservative front, her bathing suit dipped a bit low in the back showing her shoulder blades and the dip of her spine. And he thanked whatever set of genetic coding that led up to her beautiful legs that went on for days. He never got to see them before and by god was reality better than what he imagined.

He didn’t want the weekend to end but they had to go back. They arrived home, he helped Hange get her stuff back in her house, they waved good bye to Rick and his family and they were left alone in the driveway. Hange sighed as she watched them pull away.

“You want to have something on the grill with me?” Levi asked. She nodded. They slapped together some shish kabobs and Hange lingered by his side the entire time. He wondered...he just had to test something out.

“I had fun this weekend, Zoë,” he said.

“I’m glad you did,” she said. He glanced over at her to see her reaction. There was a small, thoughtful smile on her face. So it was safe to call her that. He liked it, it felt like when he called her that she was closer to him somehow. So maybe he wouldn’t call her that all the time. Only when they were alone. Maybe next time he stroked her hair or held her close. Maybe the next time they held hands.

He knew using her first name was a privilege. The fact that she was letting him do so meant they were closer, that he was trusted. He couldn’t mess this up. Not by telling her how he felt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, trying to be more vocal about stuff here. There are so many things to talk about though!
> 
> I'm pretty sure Mike is highly suspicious as to why he could smell Levi's cologne on her after it was a bit obvious to him that she showered. And yes, Levi's a total diva and sprays cologne on his pajamas. He wants to smell good all the time!
> 
> Hange stopped using her first name senior year of high school. Two reasons: she was starting to understand that she mostly felt genderless, so going by Hange is pretty neutral, her last name doesn't read feminine or masculine to her. She also knew around this time she was going to go into medical research of some sort, and wanted to be more gender neutral so people didn't make judgements about her just because they saw her as female. But she let her family call her Zoë still, because it just felt right for people close to her to use a familiar name (and she likes the nickname "Zozo"). Close friends can call her Zoë as well, Mike definitely as they dated and Nanaba because they've known each other for a while. (Aaron only got to call her by her first name because she was attempting to fall into the binary gender system by using her first name. He's not allowed to call her that again. I think Mike might kill him if he tried)
> 
> So yes, Levi using her first name is a pretty big deal. If you thought he was in before, he's definitely in now. Well...now he's terrified of losing that place so...
> 
> Yeah, camping. Sorry for inaccuracies, I personally have never been camping. I like hiking a lot, but I've never camped. The cave Levi and Hange hang out in is a mash up of two places I've hiked to. I love "secret" rooms in trails, feels like an RPG and I should find a special weapon or a ton of money or something (never happens though...).
> 
> Maybe it's kind of cheap to have them checking each other out in bathing suits. Maybe I don't care what you think. (I'm sorry I do, please don't be upset!)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi looked in the direction of the sound. It was too loud and sputtered oddly. Mike’s motorcycle was much better cared for and purred rather than coughed the way this one did. The smell of the exhaust was a also a dead giveaway.
> 
> “It’s not Mike. You might want to leave,” Levi said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: homophobic and transphobic speech and misgendering. Possible physical and emotional abuse triggers as well.
> 
> Also tons of feels.

Levi was up early watering his grass. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Hange was darting out of her house in a hurry. She was wearing her lab coat, her hair was hastily pulled into a ponytail. She waved to him as she tossed her backpack in her car and he waved back. She was about to jump in her car and drive off when she heard a motorcycle. She stopped and looked down the street.

“Mike doesn’t usually come this early...” she said. “I wonder if something happened to Nanaba...”

Levi looked in the direction of the sound. It was too loud and sputtered oddly. Mike’s motorcycle was much better cared for and purred rather than coughed the way this one did. The smell of the exhaust was a also a dead giveaway.

“It’s not Mike. You might want to leave,” Levi said. He really didn’t want her to leave. Hange got in her car, but stayed in the driveway. That was good enough, Levi supposed. It was likely he’d be too high to notice her. The old motorcycle came to a halt in front of his house. Windex bristled and ran away, while Lysol slinked after her. Hange watched Levi from her window. He narrowed his eyes as the leather clad, overweight man got off the motorcycle. He wanted to glare, to wrinkle his nose, to make some expression of displeasure. But that would only make things worse. The best Levi could do was make his face as expressionless as possible.

“Hey, hey! Levi! Look at you, ya fucking bastard! Just as short as I remember,” he said. He came up and hugged him much too tightly. He reeked of cigarettes, weed, and cheap beer. Levi did not return the hug.

“Hello, Dad,” he said in as neutral a tone as possible. This visit could not end well. It could only just end or end badly. His father held him at arm’s length and studied Levi’s face with bleary eyes.

“Just as stone faced as ever. Strong and silent. Don’t know where you got the silent from, both me and your bitch ass mom are loud as hell,” he said.

“I’ll let you in the house. I have to turn off the water before I come back in,” Levi said. He dropped the hose and opened the door.

“Don’t take too long taking care of your gay ass lawn. We have a lot to talk about, you punk ass bastard,” he said. He went inside and Levi turned off the water. Hange was at his side.

“Levi, do you want me to stay with you?” she asked. Levi shook his head.

“That is the last thing I want you to do. Go to work,” he said.

“Please call me,” she said. He started wrapping up the hose.

“I will,” he said. That was a promise, though he didn’t tell her that.

“Hurry up, Le—woah,” his father said. Levi clenched his jaw, the only sign of emotion his father could not detect.

“What the hell is this,” he said pointing at Hange with a beer bottle. Damn it, he’d found it so quickly.

“This is my neighbor,” Levi said.

“Just...no what the fuck is this shemale? Man? Woman? Some sort of tranny?” he said. Hange could be in a lot of danger if Levi was honest about Hange’s gender.

“She’s a doctor and she’s leaving right now,” Levi said. It was the only way not make her feel ashamed of what she was and get him to leave her alone.

“Ohohoho, wow. That is one weird looking bitch. What’s your name, lady?” he said. Hange blinked rapidly.

“Ah, Dr. Hange,” she said and held out her hand.

“Nice to meet ya, Doc,” he said and shook her hand forcefully. She nodded.

“I’ve got to go. I’m late for work,” she said. “Nice to meet you Mr. Ackerman, I assume.”

“Oho, you should be a detective and not a doctor! Go on ahead with your manish self,” he said. Hange glanced at Levi and nodded before leaving. Levi was dying on the inside. He’d have to beg her forgiveness later.

“Let’s go inside, Dad,” he said.

“Yeah. Good lord, the career dykes though. She’s ‘Doctor’ Hange like she’s something special. She needs to get the stick out her ass, show her tits and maybe get laid by a man, if ya know what I mean,” he said. “I wouldn’t touch that bitch though. She doesn’t look like she’s got much to grab.”

“I don’t want to talk about my neighbor anymore,” Levi said.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s right you’re a monk now and don’t sleep with girls. Honestly though, living next to that bitch would put me off of sex forever,” he said.

Levi’s father tracked his dirty shoes all over the house and Levi silently screamed. He opened Levi’s fridge. Levi wanted to tell him to leave, to tell him to stop calling everything he disliked gay like it was an insult. He wished his father wasn't small minded and drunk off his ass to understand that Hange wasn't any gender, and she was perfect and beautiful. Doing that would make things worse. So he just kept silent and clenched his teeth.

“Holy fuck, this place is clean. And you have a ton of food. You have a cleaning lady or something?” his father asked.

“No. I cook and clean myself,” Levi said. His father chuckled.

“You’re such a fag, Levi. Still teaching ladies and queers how to slap people that call them names?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn it you’re such a fucking homo. Told your mom not to be all soft on you and look at you now,” he said.

Levi felt every muscle constrict. Murder was not an option, he couldn't leave Hange, Windex, and Lysol alone.

“I have to go to work soon, Dad. Feel free to eat, drink, and do whatever,” he said.

“Oh, you’re just gonna leave me? Ashamed of your trailer park dad, eh?” he said. Levi kept his face blank. “You buy a fancy house and suddenly you don’t have time for anyone? You think I’m trash because I’m not like you?”

He was in Levi's face, his breath reeked from not only the beer, but he obviously had not brushed his teeth in a while. But Levi had mastered the art of not showing any expression when his father was around.

“You act like you’re so important! But you’re nothing! You’ve got a degree and a fancy job, but you ain’t shit! You ain’t shit, you hear me!” he shouted.

Levi’s fists were clenched. He knew this could only end one way.

“I’m going to get you some cash. I will be right back,” Levi said. He always kept cash in a locked box in his office for times like this. As he went upstairs, he saw Windex and Lysol cowering at the landing watching him. He walked past them found the box and opened it. All the while he heard his father smashing plates and glasses and tearing the food out of his refrigerator. Thankfully he kept his fine china somewhere it could not be reached. He opened the box and pulled out the wad of hundred dollar bills and went downstairs.

His father had gotten into the living room and pushed over his flat screen television, tore up curtains, and smashed vases. Levi was beyond rage at this point, but he could not react. If he did, his father was dead. He walked right up to him.

“Dad. How much money do you want?” he asked.

“Think you can pay me off like some fucking prison bitch?” he said. Levi handed him a hundred dollar bill. “I got too much fucking pride to fall for this!” He handed his father two more hundred dollar bills. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m Levi Fucking Ackerman,” Levi said as cool and monotone as possible. He handed him three more hundred dollar bills.

“You’re a fucking bastard! You’re not even mine! Your mom was a fucking whore!” he cried. Levi handed him four more bills. “Fine! Think you can buy a man’s pride like this! I’m leaving this hell hole!”

Levi walked him out of the house. His father hopped on his motorcycle and started it up.

“And don’t forget! You ain’t shit!” he cried and drove off. Levi watched him leave. Once he was gone, he slammed the door shut. He looked around at his house. The shoe tracks, the over turned furniture, the broken dishes, food thrown everywhere, broken glass. He pressed his back to the door and slid to the ground and let out an agonized scream. He got up quickly. No time for moping. He had to clean up and make a list of things that needed to be replaced. Since he couldn’t inspect houses today, he had to now do his paper work usually reserved for the end of the week. He worked at a feverish pace to try and drown out the swarm of feelings inside. Even after hours of work, his house was still not the way he wanted it. He was working in the kitchen around two when he saw Hange approach from the back door. He didn’t want her to see, but he had no energy to tell her to go. She opened it and her jaw dropped.

“What...what happened?” she asked.

“My father,” he said. “I’m sorry for what he said to you before. I'm sorry I couldn't defend you properly.”

She hugged him. “No, it’s fine. You probably couldn't have explained anything to him in that state anyway. Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you?”

Levi laughed. “No. I’m the one who can kill him with my bare hands. And I let him do this.”

“What did he want?” Hange asked.

“Money. And to insult me. Does it every year,” he said. “He trashes my house too, but he was really mad this year. Broke my flat screen.”

Hange winced. She picked up a broken plate. “I’m helping you clean up.”

He wanted to clean by himself. But she already started picking up trash and he couldn't stop her. She called her job and told them there was an emergency and she was going to be out the rest of the day. She started picking up glass and he moved to stop her, but it was too late. She cut her fingers. He took her hands in his and squeezed.

“This is not worth hurting yourself,” he said. He examined the cuts. Not too deep. He got a few bandages and put them on for her.

“I just want to help you. A few cuts is nothing,” she said.

“Yeah, well I don't like you hurt. Wear gloves at least,” he said. She agreed and he gave her a pair. They worked well into the evening, all the trash was removed, all that was broken was thrown out, and everything was put back in its place, they made a list of everything that needed to be replaced. Levi stood in his kitchen for a long time just staring. He walked almost as if he were in a trance to the living room, Hange behind him. Everything was wrong. Things were clean again, everything felt raw and the sight of his house in its altered state stung him. Things were missing, not everything was where he liked it. Some things couldn't be replaced. He clenched his fists tightly again and breathed through his teeth.

“Levi...” Hange whispered. He turned away and stormed out to his back deck, slamming the door behind him. He gripped the rail, digging his fingernails into the wood. Hange came out after him. She kept her distance and didn't touch him but came to his side. He was shaking now.

“When I was a kid, before Mom and Dad divorced, I kept my room perfect. Because nothing else in that house was clean, or nice. I kept everything just so, neat. I wasn't a normal kid in that way, I guess. But I just needed a space that was all mine. Just the way I wanted it. Order gave me peace, I think. I couldn't lock my door. I was only eight, you know. That was when it started. My father came in my room one day, told me I wasn't his, that I was nothing and tore my room apart. My safe space was destroyed. I'm a fucking adult. Why does he still have the power to destroy my safe place? I'm stronger than him, damn it. I can kill him, I can keep him out. I just...”

He was shaking with anger and he fell to his knees. “Just want him to stay away...just want him to stay the fuck away...he violated my space and I can't...I just can't...”

Hange knelt beside him and put her hand on his back.

“I'm sorry he ruined everything. I don't know if it makes a difference, but I'm here,” Hange said. He couldn't even look at her. He just grabbed her, it was too tight to be a real hug. His fists balled her shirt, and he had his mouth pressed against her shoulder. He was breathing quickly and he just felt so tense, like he was wound up so tightly he would break.

“I can't stop him...” Levi said through clenched teeth.

And then she gently wrapped her arms around him. He melted a little, her touch was so soft. She breathed deeply and evenly. He tried to match the rhythm of her breathing. Then came the gentle strokes on his back, he moaned a little and moved closer to her, but he was trembling so much and his breaths were even but ragged. She rubbed her cheek against his hair.

“Come over to my house,” she said.

“Okay,” he whispered.

“You can come right now, or you can grab what you need and come later,” she said.

“Right now. Let's go now,” he said. He stood up slowly and she did likewise. He held out his hand and she took it and led him though his house. He didn't want to see anything right now. Windex and Lysol had descended the stairs and mewed plaintively.

“Do you want to take them with you?” she asked. He nodded and picked them up. “I'll get your keys.”

He followed her wordlessly to her house. Without speaking, he collapsed on her couch. He replayed the entire day over in his head. Windex curled up against Levi and Lysol licked his fingers. He heard Hange in her kitchen making something. He didn't know why, but just being in her house, even though it wasn't a place where he had complete control, was so relaxing. The knowledge that she was near was enough. He heard her footsteps after a while. She kneeled beside the couch and put her hand on his stomach. He closed his eyes slowly and put his hand over hers.

“Dinner's finished. It's just a quick stir fry made with stuff I had lying around. It probably won't be as good as anything you make,” she said.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Do you want to eat in here?” she asked. He nodded. She grinned. “Well, spread one of the blankets from the couch on the ground. We're going to have an indoor picnic!”

Hange returned with placemats, silverware and wine glasses. Levi stiffened.

“Can we not have wine tonight?” he asked.

“Of course. My food isn't fancy enough for wine anyway. I have fresh pressed juice instead. Is that okay?”

He nodded again. She returned with two plates of a hastily made stir fry and a bottle of red juice.

“Pressed raspberries, lemons and some other green things I don't know,” she said and poured him a glass. Windex and Lysol hovered near by. “Oh, I forgot!” She ran and got two small bowls and a bag of cat food.

“Why do you have that?” he asked.

“Um...well just in case there was an emergency, I wanted to have food for them so...” she said. He didn't say anything and started to eat. Maybe it was just that he was so stressed out, but it was delicious. It had been a long time since someone cooked for him just because they cared. He swallowed, even though it kind of hurt and his eyes got a bit misty. He had to eat it all. She put a hand on his shoulder.

“There's plenty. You can have more if you want, don't eat so fast that you make yourself sick,” she said. He stared at her for a moment before he turned back to his food and and slowed down actually taking time to chew his food. Windex and Lysol ate quietly beside them. They said nothing the entire time. When his plate was empty she took away the dishes. He started to get up to help her, but she gently pushed him back on the ground.

“I'll take care of the clean up, just relax,” she said. He did. He leaned against the couch and let his head fall back on the cushions. Windex climbed on him and pressed her nose against his lips. He hugged her.

“Stop being cute,” he said. Lysol curled over his lap. He loved these animals more than his own family. Except one person. He glanced over at Hange as she returned and sat on the couch. She opened her laptop and pulled a piece of paper from her pocket.

“My list,” he said.

“We're going to replace everything,” she said. He stared at her silently.

“I don't have the money for everything,” he said.

“I do. We're going online shopping right now,” she said. He could barely speak as she went from online shop to online shop, buying nearly everything that had been broken. She was quite insistent on this. When she was done, when she put her credit card back in her wallet and closed her laptop, she ran her fingers through his hair. He let out a sigh he didn't know he had been holding back.

“I want you to have your safe place back. It's all I can do for you right now,” she said. He grabbed the laptop and moved it off her lap and put his head there instead. She threaded her hands through his hair and moved her fingers in firm circles on his scalp. He hummed in pleasure.

“You're like a big cat,” she said. He rubbed his cheek against her thighs. He was already in total bliss, but then she moved her thumbs firmly down his neck and pressed into the tense muscles of his shoulders.

“Holy fuck,” he said. He hadn't realized how tight his muscles had gotten.

“Turn around. Let me get your shoulders and back,” she said. He obeyed, knowing the rewards would be great. How long had it been since he had a non-medical massage? True she wasn't professional, maybe some places would still hurt or she wasn't applying pressure properly. But she was doing this because she wanted him to feel better, and honestly, the comforting contact was something he needed. Every knotted muscle bundle she massaged was a sweet release from pain. She finished, hugging his shoulders and leaning her head against his. He leaned back, breaking the embrace and rested his arms over her legs. He looked up at her and she smiled softly and ran her fingers through his hair again. He felt helpless for the second time that day. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but his chest felt too tight and his throat ran dry. He couldn't get the words out, but the feelings welled up fast and tore at his insides.

“You look exhausted and it's getting late. Do you want to go home?” she asked.

He turned around and hugged her waist. His face was buried in her chest and he pulled her so close she was forced to open her legs. He just wanted to feel her, her heart was beating quickly and he felt bad at first, but she cradled his head and kissed his hair. He breathed in sharply and held her tighter. He was home.

“I'll take that as 'no' then,” she said. “Go take a shower and I'll leave something for you to wear in one of the guest rooms.”

It ached to let her go, but he knew he had to. The shower was long and he had no thoughts other than that he wanted to be back in her arms. Hange set him up in the guest room closest to her own room. He put on the pajamas she left for him and lay face down on the bed. Hange knocked on the door after a while and his heart started to claw on the inside of his rib cage when he heard her voice asking if he was okay.

“Come in,” he said. She sat on the bed and smoothed his hair. He leaned into her touch and she chuckled.

“You big kitten,” she said. She leaned against the pillows and held out her arms. “Come here. I-if you want to, that is.”

The invitation was too inviting, he almost literally jumped on her. He had his ear against her heart and his arms around her waist. She let out a squeak in surprise. She ran her hands across his back and massaged places that were still tight. He was lost to her, he closed his eyes and pressed closer, as though he could melt into her.

“I'm sorry this happened to you,” she said. “I'm always here. You're...you're my best friend. You mean a lot to me.”

Levi was not one for crying. He'd had so many horrible things happen to him and never once did he shed a tear. Even today. When his house was torn apart, when he was called worthless, none of that cut him deep enough to cause tears. Hange, and her acts of kindness was pushing him there.

“Zoë,” he whispered into her chest. She was the one to tense up and he looked up at her. He couldn't hide it, his eyes were growing wet. She cupped his face and shed a few tears herself. She pressed her forehead against his and he was dizzy from the feel of her breath on his lips. He wanted to her to understand what he was feeling, what she was doing to him but he was just so tired. He rested his head back on her chest and nuzzled there and she held him protectively.

“Stay until I fall asleep, please,” he said.

“Of course,” she said.

He discovered a second safe place in this world.

* * *

Hange wasn't with him in the morning. She'd gone off to work and left him some food. The cats were relaxed and vying for his attention. He just felt better. He got ready to return home. Before he left he left her a note:

_Shitty Glasses,_

_Your food was too greasy. Your pajamas were too long, I basically was able to dust your floor because your pants dragged so much. But you are a great pillow._

_Thanks._

_Short Ass_

Just so she thought things were back to normal. But they weren't. Because whatever affection he felt for her was magnified. He cared for her like no one else and she had taken care of him in a way he'd hadn't been for in a long time. He wasn't sure he deserved it. He wasn't exactly sure how she felt. He couldn't risk losing this, but he had to talk about it. He had to.

He dialed with shaking hands.

“Levi? Are you all right?”

“Erwin?” he paused and sighed deeply. “I have to get something off my chest.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's dad was one of the hardest things I've had to write in a while. I cringed just writing half the stuff he said.
> 
> Levi's gone his entire life without people really taking care of him and Hange steps in during a crisis like this. It's a big deal. Essentially he now knows that even if his actual physical safe place is destroyed she's right there for him. Why didn't confess to her now? Aside from being emotionally and physically exhausted, maybe he doubted she'd believe him if he said he loved her after all he'd been through that day.
> 
> Don't worry. The torture shall continue.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew something was wrong. There was a cat snuggled in his arms and that almost never happened because Levi slept like he was possessed. His cats would have to be extremely desperate if they cuddled next to him for a long period of time. And he felt a warm, fuzzy body in his arms and she was mewling as though she were crying. He looked down and knew exactly which cat it was.

Windex and Levi both looked up when they heard Hange's voice. He was watering his plants and she had just come out to look after hers. He could only wave, but Windex made her way over to Hange. She rubbed her little body against Hange's legs. Hange giggled and picked her up. She held Windex against her chest and rubbed her nose in her fur. Windex snuggled in Hange's arms and made sure she was able to look over Hange's shoulder and look directly at him.

“Shitty cat...” Levi said. It was if she was letting him know that he couldn't touch Hange. Not the way he did that night. He desperately wanted the comfort that she was offering and he might have gone a bit farther than he could handle emotionally. He was attached to her, every touch they shared only made his feelings all the more intense. Hange cooed and cuddled Windex like she was a baby and Levi couldn't help but imagine a small child nestled in her arms instead. He sighed. No. That couldn't happen. The image of his destroyed house flashed across his memory. He'd be a screw up father. He loved Hange too much to hurt her like that. So he tried to focus on work and ignore her.

Yet somehow, even in her ill fitting clothing that swam around her thin frame, he was still drawn to her and could not help but steal glances here and there. There was the elegant taper of her arms to her wrists, the hollow of her neck, and her nose that was begging to be nuzzled and kissed. The light in her eyes was constant. That damn smile. He wondered what it was like to view the world as beautiful possibilities rather than endless ways to mess up. Sometimes he'd look at her and see wonderful things that he could not have, that was about as close as he could get to being hopeful. Hange could do so much better than him.

Whenever he would have overwhelming emotions he'd throw himself into an action. He decided to absolutely focus on his garden. It was never this hard before. Even after she left for work, he was thinking about her and aching for her presence. Lysol was the one to distract him. She meowed from the back deck and curled her tail shyly. He was done with his garden and he scooped her up and rubbed her stomach. She purred and rubbed her head against his chest.

“Why do you even like a messed up guy like me?” he asked her. She continued to purr and he chuckled. “Ah, it's the tummy rubs, huh? I can understand that.”

Affection from and for animals was easy to handle.

* * *

Going to work was another helpful distraction from his intense feelings. Focusing on the moment, being unreasonably critical of the homes he was inspecting helped him to forget Hange a little bit. He tried to beat his record for number of houses inspected in a day. He came home a touch overworked, but happy to be back. Lysol darted for him and tried to climb his legs. He picked her up and she curled in his arms but didn’t snuggle. He thought that was very strange. Usually Lysol was affectionate, but she just seemed sad, maybe anxious. That made him a bit nervous as he cradled her.

“What’s going on?” he said and stroked under her chin. She mewed softly, almost as though she were whining. That worried him even more. “Are you hungry?”

He got her some food. Windex was nowhere to be found, but she would be back sometime this evening, he was sure, she always came back to him for food and maybe an ear scratch. She was probably with Hange and Levi didn’t feel like facing her right then. Windex would be swatting his nose to beg him for breakfast in the morning. He decided not to think about it.

* * *

He knew something was wrong. There was a cat snuggled in his arms and that almost never happened because Levi slept like he was possessed. His cats would have to be extremely desperate if they cuddled next to him for a long period of time. And he felt a warm, fuzzy body in his arms and she was mewling as though she were crying. He looked down and knew exactly which cat it was.

“Lysol?” he said. It was much too gentle and pleasant to be Windex. He sat up and she all but collapsed against him. He rubbed her back and she started to press against his stomach. “What’s wrong?”

Maybe she was hungry or thirsty. When he filled her dish with water it dawned on him. Windex was not there. Windex did not wake him demanding food. Which meant Windex was missing. A hole was forming in his heart as he ran out to the back door to the garden. He searched carefully in his plants calling her name. He hopped the fence and checked Hange’s yard. No sign of her. He expanded his search to the front yard. Still no sign of her. He searched his house, still no Windex. He decided to calm down. He had to start work. He’d take a drive around the neighborhood at lunch and resume his search when he came home. No need to worry over much.

* * *

Levi never thought that a simple cat would cause him so much anxiety, but when it was dark and he couldn’t find her he was almost beside himself. He didn’t want to bother her, but he saw the lights on in Hange’s house. He knocked and she answered.

“Levi...you look a mess,” she said.

“Have you seen Windex at all?” he asked.

She blinked rapidly. “You can’t find Windex?”

“I haven’t seen her since I saw her with you yesterday. I don’t know where she is.”

“I haven’t seen her either. I assume you searched all over or else you wouldn’t be so worried,” she said.

“I have,” he said.

“Well...did you check the animal shelter? Maybe she was taken there?” Hange said.

“She’s wearing her collar, wouldn’t they call me?” he said.

“Stupid stuff happens, maybe she got it off somehow. Let’s just go check,” she said. He nodded and she put her arm around him. “Come on. I’ll drive you there. We have an hour or two before they close.”

He let her drag him along When they got there, Hange did all of the talking, since he was too stressed out to speak. Windex was family. She and Lysol were literally all he had right now. He felt a hand on his. Hange was still speaking to the woman at the counter, but she held his hand tightly. She understood.

“I haven’t seen a cat that looks like that, but you two are welcome to look,” the woman said. Levi looked from cage to cage for Windex. No sign of her. Hange seemed distracted as she followed him and he noticed at some point they were separated. He looked over his shoulder and came to her side. It was obvious she hadn’t found Windex, but she was mesmerized. As soon as he saw what she was looking at, he understood her distraction.

He was a grand, old cat, orange and missing an eye and had some patches, as though he had been scarred. She put her hand on the cage and he pressed a paw tentatively against her palm and licked her finger tips. She wiggled her fingers and he put his ears in a convenient place so they could be scratched. He let out a loud purr and Hange looked as though she were going to cry. One of the shelter workers came to them.

“You two looking to adopt?” he asked. Levi shook his head.

“I might...” Hange said.

“You’ll do good with that one. Most don’t want him because he’s a bit old and doesn’t look too as appealing as a kitten. But he’s such a sweetheart,” he said.

Levi watched the way Hange's eyes got wider as she continued to pet him.

“Does he have a name?” she asked.

“Clorox,” he said. Hange looked astonished as did Levi.

“Why?” Hange asked.

“That's the name he came here with.”

“I can’t take him...” Hange said.

“Aw, too bad. He's really charming.”

“No! I mean not tonight. I’ll be back for him!”

The shelter worker was a little taken aback by her enthusiasm, but smiled nonetheless. “He’s a good choice. Let me take your name and we’ll reserve him for you. When will you be back?”

“Tomorrow. I just need to get some things for him,” she said.

“Good, good.”

“Can I hold him for a little while?” she asked.

“Of course!”

He unlocked the cage and handed Hange Clorox. He fit in her arms like a puzzle piece.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I’m not really much help,” she said.

“No, I’m happy you found him,” Levi said. He scratched under Clorox’s chin and his tail curled in ecstasy. Poor boy must not have had much affection in a while.

“You all look made for each other. You'll be very happy cat parents,” the shelter worker said. Hange’s eyes widened in shock for a moment before she turned her attention back to Clorox. Levi noticed her cheeks turned a little pink but she didn’t say anything. It ached her to put him back, he could see it in her face.

They got in the car and they were both silent for a while. He couldn't stop thinking that perhaps his little family was smaller and a little sadder than before.

“I found Windex and Lysol when I was inspecting houses,” he said. He saw Hange smile slightly as he began to speak. “I was actually inspecting the house I moved into. They were hiding under the porch. Lysol was always a little bigger than Windex, but Windex jumped in front of her protectively.” He laughed a little. “I knew then, even if I didn’t buy the house, those two were going to be my family. When I was done inside, Lysol approached me and Windex kind of followed her. And when I first scratched Lysol’s ears, Windex swatted my hand until I scratched hers too. We’ve been together for a while now. I can’t imagine that house without them. I know someday it will happen, but...I don’t want it to happen too soon.”

Hange glanced at him and held his hand as she drove. They didn’t talk the rest of the way home. Levi was still thinking about where the hell Windex could have gone. Hange was probably thinking about her new cat. When they pulled into her driveway, she gave his hand a squeeze and tickled his palm. He closed his eyes.

“Let’s not lose hope. Why don’t you come over tonight and we’ll make dinner together? It will take your mind off of her,” Hange said. Levi nodded. Since he couldn’t think of anything else to do at the moment, going over her house was probably a good distraction.

She opened the door and they went in. “Go on ahead and take some stuff out of the fridge. I really have to pee. I’ll be right there!”

He despondently went into her kitchen and started to pull different kinds of food out. He really had no culinary creativity at the moment, he just felt numb. He heard Hange scream from down the hall. He ran toward her. He hoped it was something stupid, he really couldn’t take all this heart ache in one day. Hange emerged from the bathroom with Windex in her arms.

“What the fuck?” he said. Windex held out her paws for him and jumped into his arms. She hugged his neck like as if she were a child and rubbed her face in his shoulder.

“She must have gotten in to the house somehow. I don’t use the downstairs bathroom too often, I might have closed the door behind her if I saw it was open,” Hange said. He didn’t even care, he was just glad she was back. He started dinner and Hange got Lysol from next door and brought her over. She jumped all over Windex as though she were lost for several years. He glanced at Hange as she fawned over the cats. Did she know that if she ever left him for a long period of time that he would probably be just as excited as Lysol was to see Windex, that he would hold her and be unable to let her go? That he'd have to tell her everything that he'd been feeling for her lately?

But they were in no such circumstance. It was just the four of them eating dinner. It was just two cats cuddling and two people holding hands. It was just a family that Levi desperately wanted to keep together and all he had to say were three words with her name attached. And he couldn't do it because he was made mute by fear. Not of rejection, but what would happen if she said yes. Could he really deliver on everything she deserved? He wanted so badly to live up to her, to be able to support and stand by her. All he could do was squeeze her hand and try and mirror her smile and pray that these moments would last.

* * *

Levi saw Hange come home with a pet carrier. He was prepared for this, but wanted her and Clorox to have some time together before he went over. After dinner, he stopped by. Hange greeted him and his heart nearly stopped. Her hair was down, which he didn’t see very often, she was wearing a big, chunky sweater and what looked like a tent dress with an X-wing blue print pattern. He definitely noticed it was well above her knees. But the purring ball of orange fur in her arms distracted him from fully taking in everything.

“Clorox, say, hello to Levi,” she said. He turned and looked at him, his tail curling and uncurling in contentment. Levi scratched his ears and he closed his eye. “He’s so happy. He’s just happy to be held, petted, and talked to. I think he was very lonely.”

Levi knew the feeling, but didn’t want to elaborate. “I bought you a gift. Happy cat-parenting.”

He handed her a gift bag and she looked inside. She grinned and held up a toy for Clorox. He pawed at it with all the excitement of a kitten.

“Aw, you love it, don’t you,” she said. “Please, come in Levi. Want to have snacks and watch a movie?”

He couldn’t refuse. He missed being near her. Seeing her like this, looking different and way more relaxed than he was used to was pretty interesting. He came inside and she closed the door behind him.

“I like your dress,” he said.

She laughed. “Mom made it for me. She makes one for me every year. She was always good to me, y’know? She knew I wasn’t like her daughters. When I was little she made these little dresses for Michelle, but not for me. She didn’t think I wanted one. She usually used flowery patterns. But one time Michelle got hers with...I don’t know, maybe a Fraggle Rock pattern on it or something. I wanted a dress with Kermit the Frog. Mom found the fabric and made me a dress. But she didn’t force me into a dress, she waited until I asked for one. I don’t think she knew what I was then, I didn’t even know. But I appreciate her giving me the space to explore and trying so hard to understand. I don’t think she understands fully, but I’m glad she’s trying. Dad too. My whole family is so supportive. You are too, Levi.” He didn’t say anything, but she smiled at him. “Go pick a movie! Clorox and I will make popcorn.”

He was getting used to this scene. Always so close while curled on the couch. Hange seemed especially dreamy and languid this evening. And the smell of soap lingered on her warm skin, her fingers were tenderly stroking Clorox's fur. She was practically glued to Levi and he had his arm around her. But tonight, she was preoccupied. The images of her preoccupation being a child in her arms crossed his mind again. A tiny little child with Hange's bright eyes. He tried to focus on the movie, but honestly, her cooing distracted him. Eventually, she fell asleep before the movie ended. He couldn't stay, he felt he was violating her space somehow. So he moved carefully and put her head on a pillow. Clorox snuggled close to her and she continued to stroke his fur. He spread a blanket over both of them and she sighed.

“We are so lonely...” she mumbled. He closed his eyes painfully and stroked her cheek. How true for all three of them. It was clear to him that Hange had a thing for loving the lonely and damaged.  He didn't know whether he was grateful or if he pitied her choice, at least in choosing him.  Clorox would certainly provide her with all the love he could offer with no holding back.  Levi knew what he had to do. He could get himself ready. She was sleeping, she wouldn't necessarily remember. It would be easier to say it when she was more alert. But he couldn't. He couldn't bear the responsibility. He left as quietly as possible and turned the words over and over in his head as he went home. Windex and Lysol slept peacefully near his bed and he sat on it. He put his head in his hands.

“I love you, Hange,” he whispered. Windex got up and looked at him. Levi chuckled bitterly. Windex pressed her head against his leg. He scratched the back of her neck. “I love you, Zoë.”

And he couldn't even say it to her while she was sleeping.

Maybe he didn't deserve her after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi is so tightly wound right now, I kind of feel bad for putting him through this.
> 
> Maplecat89 asked for a "Windex is missing" chapter. I tweaked it a bit from what she asked for, but I hope this is good enough!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt like something important inside him had been snapped like a guitar string. He was jealous to the point of numbness. It was a jealousy that was so consumed with her happiness that he couldn’t fathom making her sad, even if it left him without her.

It was a relief to wake up to someone every day. Clorox was extremely gentle and loving. He would wake her by pressing his nose against her forehead or licking her fingertips. Hange wondered if he knew he was different, if he acted as though because he wasn’t unscarred he didn’t deserve to be demanding with affection, that he was grateful for any attention or touches he received. She loved to hug him and scratch his stomach. He followed her everywhere and he was extremely excited to be with her when she worked on her deck garden. Windex was not so happy about Hange's new companion. She climbed the stairs of her deck and stayed a distance away. Clorox saw her and went closer and Windex did not move as he circled around her and pressed his body against hers. She ignored him as she marched right up to Hange and demanded to be held. Hange picked her up and Windex pawed at her collar. Clorox crawled in her lap. He was content as long as he was allowed to be close.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

She turned and saw Levi with a cup of tea. He’d hopped the fence and was standing right behind her. She hadn't heard him approach. Hange smiled.

“I am. It’s a shame I have to go to work. I might not be around for a few days. I don’t want Clorox to feel lonely...” she said.

“I’ll look after him,” Levi said. Hange didn’t look at him.

“Thanks,” she said. She kissed Windex and put her down.

“Well, I have to get going. See you around,” she said.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” he said. Clorox followed her into the house. Levi had been lingering around her more often and Hange both loved and hated it. She loved it because she loved Levi. There was no use lying to herself, she loved him. Any spare touches and looks were things she craved. She hated being around him because she didn’t know what any of those touches and looks meant. What did it mean that he comforted her with hugs and hand holds? What did it mean when they cuddled into the night? Did any of it mean anything? She didn’t want to doubt him or condemn him for his past choices, but Levi told her he had sex with people and it meant nothing to him. Maybe this was what he did with his friends. But she had a feeling he did not do this with too many people. It might have been presumptuous to say he hadn’t held anyone else...but he had basically admitted that to her. In her mind they were definitely beyond friends.

She knew she should just talk to him about it. At the same time, she didn’t want to be disappointed, to know once and for all that he didn’t like her, to reveal her own feelings for him and for them to be rejected. She’d lose him for sure, he’d pull away and she’d be left cold and lonely. Maybe he would feel alienated and doubt the motive behind all her kindness. She hadn’t been looking for anything from him she just genuinely wanted to help and comfort him. She’d do it even if he never loved her. He was her friend before he was anything else.

At the same time, this constant closeness was stressing her out a bit. A big project came up just in time for her to forcibly remove herself from Levi's presence just for a little while. With Levi looking after Clorox, she had no real reason to come home. I had been a long time since she camped out in her office, but she was going to.

* * *

Hange felt someone gently lift her head off the keyboard and pick her up out of her chair. Instinctively she wrapped her arms around their neck and sighed. Levi’s name lingered on her lips. But there was no way he was here. She jumped and the person carrying her held her tighter before setting her down on the couch in her office.

She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Moblit...”

“Good afternoon, Dr. Hange. I uh...you were just sleeping on your keyboard, I thought I’d move you.”

She ran a hand on the side of her face, feeling the impressions the keys left on her skin. “Haha...um, thanks.”

“You haven’t left the lab in four days. You should go home, I can monitor things from here. I live on campus, I can do this,” he said.

“Maybe. Maybe after tonight I’ll—”

“Dr. Hange, go home! I’m so worried about you,” he said.

“No,” she said. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t go back. She didn’t want to face the fact that Levi was going to be so close to her but she couldn’t have him. That all of it meant nothing and as soon as he found out how she felt she was going to lose him.

“How about you at least get out of the lab. See the sun again. Maybe get some coffee?” Moblit said.

“I could go for some,” she said. “I look a wreck. Not sure if I should be seen around campus.”

“You look fine. Let's go.”

Hange sighed and followed after him. A trip to the campus café and then a walk on the grounds was a fair enough deal. They walked past the campus café and she narrowed her eyes.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“There's a really nice coffee place that makes great banana bread. I'm taking you there,” he said. He took out his car keys and she started to slow down.

Hange tore at her greasy ponytail. “Um...wow. I'm totally a mess I'm not sure I should go like this. Usually you go to cute coffee shops on a date.”

Moblit grimaced but opened the door to his car. “Fine then. It's...it's a date.”

Hange stared at him for a moment as his face turned red. “What?”

“I-I've kind of wanted to ask you out for a while now. I never really had the courage to say anything. Will you go out to coffee with me?” he said.

She looked down at her shoes. She'd be lying if she said Moblit was everything she wanted. But he was so nice and so eager she decided that perhaps...perhaps she just should give it a try. She had to gear herself up to move on after Levi, maybe Moblit was a good start.

“Yes. I'll go with you,” she said and got in the front seat. Moblit grinned and closed the door behind her. She strapped in and took her hair out of its ponytail.

“This is the worst I've ever looked on a date,” she said.

“You look fine. You look beautiful,” Moblit said. Hange glanced at him over her glasses.

“Okay, now you're just joking with me,” she said. He started the car and laughed.

“No. You're beautiful. I like someone who has dedication and passion,” he said.

Hange raised her eyebrows. “You're pretty frank.”

He flushed redder somehow. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know where all this is coming from. Am I bothering you?” he asked.

“No, this is interesting,” she said.

“Maybe...maybe you should go home and rest after this,” he said.

She snorted. “I'll consider it. I want to do a few more hours of work though.”

They arrived and Hange didn't even want to get out of the car. She was just feeling so crappy and everyone going inside was so effortlessly polished. Here she was in her clothes that she hadn't changed out of in days, aside from some moist wipes, she hadn't showered either. Why did she agree to go? But Moblit looked so happy as he opened the door for her and held out his hand. She wordlessly took it and he linked arms with her as they went into the coffee shop.

“Get whatever you want Dr. Hange. It’s my treat,” he said. She kept her head up amid the sea of nicely dressed businessmen and art students. She ordered a mix of coffee, hot chocolate and a shot of espresso. Moblit had coffee with lots of cream, and he ordered two slices of banana bread. She thought they were going to grab their stuff and go, but Moblit showed her to a table and they sat together.

“Please, Dr. Hange, after this go home and rest,” Moblit begged.

“I just want to finish this one test and then I’ll go home. It will only take a few hours,” she said. “No, I’ll record the results and then I’ll go home.”

“No! Go home right after this. A test could take one hour, it could take seven. Recording the results can take even longer! Leave it to me,” he said. Hange sighed.

“Maybe...”

A shock of blonde hair outside the window caught her eye. Nanaba. The two of them met eyes and Hange waved excitedly. Nanaba was sweaty, probably from running. As expected, Mike caught up with her, equally as sweaty. What Hange did not count on was Levi coming up behind them. Her heart stopped. Here she was on an unofficial date to try and get over him and he shows up. She silently prayed that they wouldn’t come in. No one was listening. All three of them entered.

“Hey, Hange! I’d give you a hug but I’m so gross right now. None of us have heard from you in days. Are you doing all right?” Nanaba asked.

“I’m fine. What are you guys doing out on a weekday like this?” Hange said.

“It’s Saturday, Hange,” Mike said.

“Saturday!”

“This is the first time she’s been out of the lab in four days,” Moblit said quickly. Hange glared at him. Nanaba and Mike crossed their arms in unison like disapproving parents. Hange tried to hide her amused smile. Levi’s face was unreadable.

“How did you get her to come here?” Levi asked. Moblit started to stutter and blush. Hange decided to save him.

“He just suggested that I get out and see the sun, get some coffee. He’s the Chekov on our team, how can I refuse him?” she said.

Moblit laughed. “Haha...nuclear wessels...”

Mike and Nanaba exchanged glances and Hange swore she’d slap them. Levi tilted his head.

“Who’s Chekov?” he asked.

“Oh, I forget, you’re a TNG guy. Moblit and I grew up on TOS,” Hange said.

“What?”

“Um. Star Trek. TNG is ‘The Next Generation,’ that’s what you’re watching. TOS is ‘The Original Series.’ Chekov is from that series,” she said. “I’m trying to break Levi into Star Trek, guys bear with me.”

“Oh. So, how do you all know Dr. Hange?” Moblit asked.

“We’re her friends,” Levi said. Hange was a little startled at how quickly Levi responded.

“Oh, very nice. I’m just her lab assistant,” he said.

“I’d love to stay and chat longer, but I have a client this afternoon. Are we still on for our session tomorrow, Zozo?” Nanaba asked.

Hange knew something was up. Nanaba switched to her nickname.

“Yeah, of course!” Hange said. They all waved good bye and Hange smiled as she watched them go. Something bothered her though. Levi didn’t act differently, but she felt something prickly about his actions and the way he moved. She wondered what was wrong. Could he possibly be jealous? No, she was just being ridiculous. Why would Levi be jealous? He could have any woman he wanted, if he wanted her, he would have just gone after her. He had done nothing. His inaction said enough to her.

“Hey, um...Dr. Hange? Dr. Zoë if I may be so bold?” Moblit said after the others left.

“Yeah?”

“I know this is sudden and we didn’t even finish our first date but...I want to take you out again, maybe when you’re more ready for it. Can we go out next Saturday? There’s going to be a really nice farmer’s market a few towns over and I want to take you,” he said.

Her heart clawed and pined after Levi. But she had to move on.

“Sure!”

* * *

Hange went home right after the impromptu date, tended to her plants and cuddled with Clorox. Then she knocked out for nearly twelve hours. She knew once she woke up she was going to basically shower, water and weed her plants again, feed and kiss Clorox and then go to meet Nanaba at her gym. She had to talk to her anyway, it was custom for her to update her on any dates she had. Nanaba had to have been suspicious already though.

They started their warm ups, Hange was jumping rope and Nanaba had her eyes on the timer.

“Um...” Hange said breathlessly. “So I have to tell you about my date Saturday.”

“I knew it,”’ Nanaba said and narrowed her eyes. “How did that even happen?”

“I uh...he just asked me to go out for coffee. And he asked if it could be a date. I said yes,” she said. Nanaba pursed her lips and shook her head. “Look I know you like me with Levi for whatever reason. But he just doesn’t like me like that.”

“What makes you so sure, Zoë?” Nanaba said.

“I don’t think I can tell you while I’m trying to keep pace...” Hange said.

“Fine. After this, we’ll do a few more warm ups, but we can talk about it in the ring. I don’t understand why you can’t see that he’s crazy about you. It’s so obvious he is.”

Hange pushed herself to last the rest of the warm ups, working on her foot work, readying her defense, Punching a few punching bags (oh god, was that satisfying). But once she and Nanaba were in the ring, she knew she had to talk. And so Nanaba settled into a defensive stance and let Hange vent physically and verbally. About all the cuddling, hugging, hand holding and touching. How she loved it all, but she didn’t know what it meant to him. Nanaba listened patiently.

“So you talked to him about all this? Right?” Nanaba said. Hange sighed.

“No. I didn’t tell him anything,” Hange said.

“Why not?”

“I’m...I’m afraid of the answer, that none of this means anything to him.”

“Look Hange, I know Levi’s reputation. He might not say anything or be proud of it, but Oluo is more than ready to tell me all about how Levi got in everyone’s pants. But you see that he’s different. He’s older, he’s learned it doesn’t work for him. And I know he’s trusted you with things he doesn’t tell other people you haven't filled in all the gaps in your story to protect his privacy. I don’t see why it isn’t obvious that he really loves you.”

“Why isn’t he doing anything? If he’s some sort of confident seducer, why can’t he just...take me?”

Nanaba shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe you should _talk to him_ about it.”

Hange shook her head. “I’m just going to try and move on.”

“By dating this guy you don’t really have feelings for? Zoë, what the hell kind of sense does that make? You’d rather walk away, never knowing how Levi feels than just asking him?”

“I don’t think I can handle not being able to have him...”

“If you just move on without even trying you'll never have him at all. You’ll risk the ninety nine percent chance that he loves you, because you’re afraid of the painful one percent chance that he doesn’t?”

“You’re pretty sure that he likes me...”

“I am, but we’ll be a bit more realistic. Let’s say there’s a fifty percent chance that he likes you. That's still a good chance. And if you love him so much, why would you do this to him? You move on, leaving him alone and pining for you.”

“He’s Levi Ackerman. I’m sure he could find someone else to warm his bed...”

“And if he wanted that he would have already done it! It’s _you_ he loves, I know it.”

Hange blinked back tears. Nanaba hugged her, ignoring the looks they were getting from other gym members.

“Moblit asked me out on another date. I said yes,” Hange said.

“Cancel,” Nanaba said.

“Just let me see something. I’ll call you after, I promise,” she said.

Nanaba sighed. “Fine. It’s just a date.”

“Right...” Hange said. “Just a date...”

* * *

Hange came home from work later on that week and hoped Levi wouldn’t see her. When she drove up, he wasn’t home. Then she spied him driving up mere moments behind her. It was inevitable. She got out of the car, but made no move to hide them.

“Those are nice,” Levi said. Hange glanced down at the bouquet of red snapdragons in her arms.

“Yeah. Cat friendly, too,” she said. He nodded.

“Where’d you buy them?” he asked.

She wanted to lie to him so badly. She wanted to make up some story about buying them while shopping for groceries. But instead the truth slipped out.

“Moblit bought them for me,” she said.

“Chekov, you mean.”

“Y-yeah...”

“Who’d have thought Chekov would be so bold so as to buy his commanding officer flowers,” Levi said.

“Beg your pardon?”

“You’re the Kirk to his Chekov, right?”

“I-I guess. How do you even know about Kirk?”

“They talk about him in TNG now and then.”

He wasn’t telling her everything. What was there to hide about his Star Trek knowledge, she wondered. Something about Levi seemed so tired she couldn’t leave him like this.

“Do you want to come over?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Not tonight.”

Hange wanted nothing more than to hug him. To comfort him and tell him it would be all right. She loved him nestled on her chest, when he whispered her name against her breastbone. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to lose all that. But she had to use Moblit to prove something to herself once and for all.

* * *

She didn’t bother hoping Levi wouldn’t see her. He was outside watering his plants and Moblit came first thing in the morning. She didn’t agonize over what she was going to wear, just an oversized sweater, some fitted jeans and a pair of boots. Her hair was down because she wanted it down. She was herself, she was relaxed. She didn’t give Moblit the chance to ring her doorbell, she opened for him. He smiled and she couldn’t help but return it.

“You look great!” he said. She laughed.

“You think?” she said.

“Yeah! A-Absolutely, Dr. Hange!”

“We’re on a date. You can call me Zoë.”

“Sure, Dr…Zoë.”

She started laughing. “Dr. Zoë will do for today, then.”

He handed her a canvas bag and a red daisy. “The market awaits us.”

She tucked the daisy behind her ear and took his arm. She didn’t want to see Levi’s face. Maybe he had no expression. Maybe he was hurt. She went against her instincts and glanced over her shoulder at him. He didn’t smile, but he waved. She smiled at him but got in the car when Moblit opened the door for her. They were off for the farmer’s market and Hange couldn’t really make herself excited for it.

If she was honest, the date with Moblit was the best she’d had in a while. He didn’t make fun of how she looked. He told her she was pretty. He bought her things, they had good conversation that was not about work. He was just as nerdy as she was and he was just so nice and kind and attentive.

It was an ideal first (real) date in all respects except for one thing. He wasn’t Levi. Hange would not expect a date like this with Levi would be the same, not at all. She just wanted to be with him to share the moments and the laughter. The date with Moblit only proved this. At least now she knew she wasn’t universally repulsive to everyone else but Levi. It was nice to know someone else considered her attractive.

On the way home, she knew she had to break it to Moblit and it hurt her to do it. She had to be honest.

“Moblit, I had a lot of fun today,” she said.

He beamed. “I’m glad.”

“But, I have to let you know...there won’t be another date,” she said. Moblit got very quiet, and his smile faded. “I’m sorry. There’s someone else. I’ve been trying to get over him, but...I just can’t. I really thought being with someone like you, who was really awesome and thought I was pretty would help me forget him, but it didn’t work.”

“Does he know?”

Hange shook her head. “I’m kind of pathetic...”

Moblit smiled sadly. “I hope you tell him how you feel. He’s pretty lucky to have you.”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. And don’t worry about anything after. You’ve always treated me as a professional and a friend. My feelings are mine to manage, you can continue to treat me exactly as you have before.”

“If there’s anything I can do to make it easier for you, let me know.”

“I will. In fact, there’s something you can do for me when we get to your house.”

Hange gulped. “What is it?”

“Just one hug for the road, if you want to, that is. Then I’ll work on things from there.”

She nodded. “That’s fine. I can do that.”

He pulled into her driveway and they both got out. She hugged him and he held her close.

“All right, Dr. Hange. Thank you for letting me take you out today,” he said.

“Thank you for taking me,” she said.

He started to get in his car, but paused. “Good luck!”

She waved to him as he drove off. She knew what she had to do now. She went to the backyard and hoped he was home.

* * *

Levi recognized Moblit when he drove up. He looked so honestly excited, as one should be when going on a date with Zoë Hange. Hange did not consult Levi for outfits, he could only assume she was going to dress in a way that was comfortable to her, which would only make her more alluring. He waited to see her. He was right, her hair was down, she wore a comfortable looking sweater and an easy smile. Moblit could see how radiant she was, his smile only grew. He was all too happy to have Hange on his arm, to open the door for her. And then she looked over her shoulder and met eyes with Levi. He felt like something important inside him had been snapped like a guitar string. He was jealous to the point of numbness. It was a jealousy that was so consumed with her happiness that he couldn’t fathom making her sad, even if it left him without her.

He waved good bye and watched them leave. This was it. Good bye to the smell of her hair, the feel of her skin, believing that she had a special sort of smile just for him, to his safe place in her arms. It was all over.

Just like all other things in his life, when he didn’t know what to do with his feelings, he submitted himself to action. His yard needed to be raked. He decided to focus on that. It was an all day task. He focused on the moment, on the sound of the rake on the grass, the colors of the leaves. The way Lysol and Windex would play in the piles he made. They made a bit of a mess and created more work, but he needed the distraction so he wasn’t even annoyed with them today. Windex seemed to sense his distress, she would come and rub against his legs occasionally. Levi smiled absently. He still had his little family, he wasn’t completely alone.

But he couldn’t forget her. She was too deep in his heart for him to root out easily. Just when he thought he was done, when he could fully focus on the moment, he remembered stupid things. When she kissed his forehead at New Year’s. Dancing with her at prom. Sitting by the fire place. Cuddling with her in the cave. The way she cradled his head against her chest when he needed comfort. There were too many little moments. He couldn’t block them all at once.

Levi was finishing up his backyard when Hange came home. She was smiling. Her date went well. He didn’t want her to come home crying again, that would probably kill him, but he didn’t know if this hurt him more. She grabbed a rake from her shed and hopped the fence.

“I know you’re almost done, but let me help you,” she said.

He said nothing as she started to work alongside him.

“How did your date go?” he asked. He supposed he was just interested in torture.

“It was great! I had a lot of fun,” she said. He slowed down. He felt disoriented and dizzy and he gripped the rake tightly. It was the only thing holding him up now. “At least now I know I’m not an absolutely disgusting human being.”

“You’re fucking gorgeous, you idiot,” he said. He cursed himself for saying it so quickly and she laughed.

“Moblit said so too. But...I won’t be seeing him again. Not on a date at least,” she said. Levi stopped raking and stared at her. She glanced at him and giggled. “He’s sweet, but he’s not right for me. I broke it off when we got back. He took it like a champ, poor guy.”

Levi’s heart stopped completely, at least it felt like it. Here was a second chance, all he had to do was say it. Just tell her. He couldn’t speak, he was so beside himself. Wordlessly they raked the leaves into a pile. She grinned and collapsed into the leaves. She giggled and he thought he was going to lose his mind. He had to say it. Just say it. Speak, damn it! She opened her eyes and gazed at the sky. Everything about her was perfect in that moment, the way her lips curved, the flush of her cheeks and the sky reflected in her eyes, the way her hair splayed across the leaves.

“You should join me, Levi,” she said.

He gripped the rake tightly and ignored the tightness in his chest.

“Zoë?” he began. His mouth became dry. Perfect timing. He swallowed.

“Yes?” she sang.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

That wasn’t what he wanted to say. She sat up and her glasses slid down her nose as she looked directly at him. He’d really screwed up this time. Before he could apologize, she bit her lip and nodded. He probably should have said something, but talking was too difficult for him, action was easier. He dropped the rake he formerly thought he’d never be able to let go of and sat near her. She looked at him shyly, and her cheeks flushed.

“Are you sure you want me to kiss you?” he asked. She nodded again. She was silent and that didn’t sit right with him. Where was the joy he saw just a few minutes ago? If this was something she wanted, why wouldn’t she smile? “If you don’t want to, it’s fine.”

“I do. I-I just...it’s been a while,” she said.

“For me too, just relax,” he said. He should have taken his own advice. Quite frankly, even when he was making out with people, it wasn’t about romancing them or making them feel good. It was mostly about satisfying some animalistic need he felt at the moment or petitioning for sex. Now here he was with a person he desperately wanted to please and he really had no idea how to do it. He brushed the hair away from her face and stroked her cheek. That caused her to close her eyes in contentment and smile. There it was, the smile he wanted to see. He pressed his forehead against hers.

“Let me know if you want me to stop. I will, no questions asked,” he said.

“I trust you,” she said.

Shooting him in the heart wouldn’t have impacted him nearly as much. Levi breathed in sharply through his teeth. He needed to hear that. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and she leaned into it. So far so good, she was willing. He caught her bottom lip between his and gently caressed hers. She pulled away just long enough for her to return the gesture. As they tried to discover the ways their lips could lock together, Levi ran his hands through her hair and felt her wrap her arms around his neck. She slowly leaned back and he steadied their descent so she wouldn’t hurt her head and he wouldn’t crush her. Now their torsos were flush, but he didn’t notice, he was so focused on the feel of her lips. He cupped her cheek with the hand that wasn’t tangled in her hair.

It was Hange who slid her tongue into his mouth first, quickly, almost as if she’d be punished for her intrusion. Levi only showed his gratitude by deepening the kiss, searching her mouth slowly. She ran her hands though his hair and arched her back a bit as she moaned into his mouth. He had never made someone moan like that, not from a kiss at least. He was used to attacking a someone's mouth and quite often any sounds made were squeals of discomfort or surprise (usually unpleasant as he would often kiss hard and liked to bite). This—going slow, being gentle, making sure she was enjoying it, not doing things that would scare her—this was all new. He liked her reaction, he had to be honest.

Her hands dropped suddenly and lay lifelessly on either side of her head. She became very still and stopped responding to the kiss. He pulled away and he almost didn’t want to look at her, but he forced himself to search her face. Hange wasn’t looking at him, her cheeks were flushed pink, and the lips he had just so lovingly kissed were pressed into a thin line. He moved away so she could sit up.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, it’s...ah,” she said. Her face was bright red and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I have to go.”

She got up and awkwardly hopped the fence. He watched her enter her house. Almost as if her absence was all that was needed, his face flushed completely red and he pressed a hand over his mouth.

“I fucked up,” he said.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...so...what am I supposed to say to that? (Taking a five day mental health break. I've been sleeping at odd times during the day and my throat is killing me)


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only being honest were as easy as it sounded.

“Fucking pick up your fucking phone, Erwin!” Levi cried. He was curled up in a corner in his kitchen, as though physically trying to guard his heart was going to stop it from breaking. He gripped his hair as he dialed Erwin again. No answer. He threw his phone across the floor. Lysol and Windex watched him but he couldn't bear to look at them. It was Lysol who came up to him first. He picked her up and held her close. She licked his chin and he snorted as he rubbed her back.

“I think I just ruined everything,” he said. Windex lingered some distance away as though she knew that Levi hurt her favorite human. All his fears were coming true. That if he expressed any sort of deep affection for Hange she'd draw away. He just wanted to _tell_ her how he felt. He didn’t know why he asked to kiss her instead. He hoped he didn’t do anything while kissing her that made her uncomfortable. He wanted to talk to Hange, to beg forgiveness, to promise he’d never touch her again. Windex eventually decided to forgive him at least and fought her way into his lap and he held both of them.

“Can you guys tell her I’m a fucking idiot and I’m sorry?” he asked. Windex perked up, as though she was ready to help him. He wished she could. He wanted to know if Hange was still in his life. His phone began to ring and he dove for it.

“Erwin?”

“Hey, Levi! It’s Oluo!”

Levi slapped his forehead. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Ouch! I was just going to invite you out for drinks with a couple of the guys.”

“I don’t want to fucking go.”

“You don’t sound good. Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

He hung up, dropped his phone and lay on the floor for a few minutes. His phone buzzed. A text message. After a while, he forced himself to look at it.

_Come over. Just you, me, and a case of dark beer._

Levi didn’t want to go. But he didn’t want to wallow in agony until Erwin called him back either. Oluo would be filler. He didn’t want to say anything, but the draw of dark beer was a bit enticing. It had to be good if Oluo bought it. So he let Oluo know he was coming and got in his car and headed for his house.

He rang the door to his condo prepared to deal with Oluo’s desperate attempts toward ultimate bro-ship. Instead, Oluo opened the door, nodded and let him in. Not a word. Levi went straight to the kitchen where the beer awaited. He popped open a bottle and began to down one. Oluo sat beside him, opened one and sipped it. They didn't say anything for a while.

“You look like hell, man,” Oluo said finally. Levi folded his arms and put his head down.

“I know, damn it,” he said.

They were quiet again. Levi could not express his gratitude for Oluo’s silence.

“Look, Levi. You can talk if you want, you can just keep quiet if you want. It’s all about you, man.”

Levi took another swig of beer. “Thought you were going out tonight.”

“I cancelled. Friend in need, you know.”

Levi snorted. “I’m a fucked up friend.”

“No way.”

“I don’t understand why you think I’m so fucking great,” Levi said.

“You’re my hero man. Saved me from hazing in freshman year, you were my role model in gymnastics, you dress well, you’re always looking out for the people who need you—”

Levi put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

“Don’t say shit like that. I fucked up so bad...” But Oluo did not ask. Levi was truly at liberty to keep everything to himself. But he didn't feel like keeping quiet. “I kissed her.”

“Hange, right?” Oluo said. Levi glanced at him as he sipped his beer.

“How’d you know?”

“Just a guess. So you kissed her. So what’s so bad about that?”

“She ran away after.”

Oluo drew a breath through his teeth. “Yikes. Was it a surprise?”

“I asked. She said yes.”

They both were quiet and Levi popped open another bottle.

“So, she wanted you to kiss her. You kiss her. Then she runs away,” Oluo said. Levi groaned. “Don’t worry! She’s probably just a little out classed. From what everyone says, you kiss pretty intense.”

“I didn’t do what I did for everyone else. I tried to be very gentle with her.”

Oluo raised his eyebrow. “So...are you falling for her?” Levi looked away. “Woah. This is serious then. She’s probably just overwhelmed after learning how you felt.”

Levi’s eyes widened as he came to a realization. “Oh god, I’m a fucking idiot.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Oluo said.

“I didn't say anything.”

Oluo stared at him for a moment. “What do you mean?”

Levi’s phone rang. Erwin. “You want to join us?”

“Sure,” Oluo said. Levi answered.

“You’re on speaker phone. I’m with Oluo,” Levi said.  
  
“Oh, hello. What are you guys doing that made it important that you call my phone seventeen times in the space of three minutes?” Erwin asked.

“I’m a fucking bastard,” Levi said.

“What else is new? What did you do, though?”

“Ugh, you tell him, Oluo.”

“He kissed Hange and she ran away,” Oluo said.

“Oh. Well, you can bounce back from this I’m sure,” Erwin said.

“No, Erwin. I can’t. I didn’t tell her _why_ I kissed her. I just asked, she said yes, so I did,” Levi said.

“You really are a fucking idiot. Why didn’t you at least tell her you liked her? It’s just three words,” Erwin said.

“I’m sorry I’m not fucking perfect like you. I thought I was going to lose her so I panicked. I don’t know how to talk about my feelings, damn it. I know about making out and fucking though. That’s what I went for first. I’m such a fucking loser...”

Oluo put his hand on his shoulder. “All is not lost. She _wanted_ to kiss you. That’s a start. So go back, apologize and tell her.”

“I just said I don’t fucking know how.”

“Oluo, you have to accept that there are just some things your hero can’t do and being clear with how he feels is one of them,” Erwin said. “Just be honest.”

“What the hell am I supposed to say? ‘Sorry I kissed you, it’s only because I love you.’ That can’t possibly work,” he said.

“That’s a bit awkward, but at least she’d know where she stands,” Erwin said.

“Hange deserves better than that,” Levi said.

“Hange deserves to know how you feel,” Oluo said. Levi turned to him in surprise. He’d never heard Oluo be so direct with him.

“He’s right. Doesn’t matter how awkward it is, say something,” Erwin said.

“Definitely apologize first though. She’s probably a bit scared,” Oluo said.

“What if I’ve fucked up so bad that we can't go back to the way it was before? What if she doesn’t even want me?” Levi said.

“I’m almost certain she’s fallen for you too. But just in case, call me up, we’ll be right back here and I’ll break open the good red wine. You can talk or you can keep quiet. I’m here,” Oluo said.

Levi took a swig from his bottle. “Only if Erwin takes a break from his busy schedule of fucking Marie to come and drink with us.”

“Of course,” Erwin said. “And Levi, remember House Rule number seven, clause C.”

“Ugh...fine, fine. I’m sorry.”

“Tell us what happened and good luck.”

Erwin hung up and Levi took another long drink.

“You can do it, Levi. I’m sure,” Oluo said.

“Whatever,” Levi grumbled. He and Oluo clinked their beer bottles together. If only being honest was as easy as it sounded.

* * *

Hange was on her couch blinking back tears as she held Clorox. He pressed his head against her neck, begging her to be happy and smile. Her feelings were in messy tangles and she didn’t know what to do. She dialed Nanaba.

“Hange! How was your date?” Nanaba said.

“I’m at my house. Come pick me up,” Hange said.

“I’ll be right there, Zoë,” she said. Hange released Clorox and got ready to go, put on her jacket and shoes, grabbed her keys and phone. She sat on the floor and held Clorox who offered his purring as comfort. It made her feel a little better. She kissed him when she heard Nanaba’s motorcycle.

“I’ll be back,” she said. She went outside and Nanaba handed her a helmet. She took it and looked over at Levi’s driveway. His car wasn’t there. So he was running from her as well. She sniffled a little and wiped away a few tears. Nanaba held her hand.

“It’s okay, Hange. I’m right here,” Nanaba said. Hange got on and held her tightly as they went back to the apartment. Nanaba did not press her to speak, even when they were in the elevator. Hange just held her hand. When they entered the apartment, Mike was waiting.

“I’m going to kill him,” he said.

“Mike...” Nanaba said.

“No, I can’t stand it when you cry, Zoë. I’m surprised Levi hasn’t chopped the bastard’s head off,” Mike said.

“It’s because the problem _is_ Levi...” Hange said.

“What?” Nanaba said. Hange sat on the couch and they sat on either side of her. “What happened?”

“My date was a lot of fun. Moblit was really nice, but...being with him only made me realize that I...”

Nanaba hugged her. “You can say it. We know.”

“I love Levi. I do.”

She pressed her palms over her eyes and tried to keep the tears back.

“Just cry, Zoë. It’s okay,” Mike said. She sobbed and Nanaba squeezed her. Hange buried her face in her shoulder and Mike closed his arms around both of them.

“I love him so much,” she whispered.

“Oh, Zoë,” Nanaba said.

Hange took a deep breath. “So, I told Moblit I couldn’t see him anymore. And he was really cool about it. All I wanted to do was see Levi. We were raking leaves and...” She swallowed. “He kissed me.”

“Woah!”

“So I’m killing Levi. That’s hard, Zozo,” Mike said.

“No...I mean...he asked first.”

“Okay...so he was too rough, then?”

“No. He was actually really gentle and I really liked it,” she said. Her face flushed red as she pressed her fingers against her lips. “He’s a damn good kisser. I really wanted him to kiss me, that's why I said yes. But while we were kissing I just...I couldn't enjoy it if he doesn't love me.”

“So you asked him why he kissed you, right?” Nanaba said. Hange looked away.

“I just ran away,” she said.

“Zoë! I know you’re confused and all, but how do you think he feels?”

“He can have anyone he wants! Why would he be so upset over me?”

“Not this again!”

“Hey!” Mike said. He rubbed Hange’s shoulder. “Look. Levi has a right to know why you ran away. He has a right to know how you feel so he doesn’t pull something like this again.”

“I know,” Hange said. “But I liked it and I want him to kiss me again. But after this I can’t have him anymore. He won’t hold me or touch me or anything. I kept silent because I liked being close to him, because I didn’t want it to end after he knew how I felt.”

“If you’re not honest with how you feel, he’ll be in close contact with you not knowing how much this is tearing you apart. You don’t want to torture yourself and I’m sure he doesn’t want to hurt you,” Nanaba said. “You have to tell him.”

“It’s so hard...I could lose everything I have with him...”

“Stay here until you have the courage to speak. I’ll take you home when you’re ready,” Nanaba said. Hange took a deep breath. In the end, she knew she wanted more than being physically close with Levi. She wanted to be with him. There was nothing to gain if she didn’t risk it all. She’d lose everything if she kept quiet, she’d lose everything if she said something. She closed her eyes and leaned against Nanaba. She couldn’t lie to Levi anymore.

* * *

_Meet me on my back porch tomorrow morning._

She contacted him first. That was a good sign. Levi could scarcely sleep. He was half hopeful, half in despair. When the sun rose, he was outside. He completely ignored his garden and absently petted his cats. He was focused on hopping the fence and waiting for Hange. He sat on one of her deck chairs surrounded by her plants. His leg bounced in anticipation. What would she say? He heard Clorox’s meowing. If he was there, Hange was close by. Sure enough, she waved to him from the back door. She carefully opened and closed it so Clorox would have to stay inside. He took a deep breath as she approached.

Hange was smiling, that was also a good sign, though it was hesitant. She had her hair drawn back into a messy ponytail and wore her oversized sweats and her chunky sweater. Not the most appealing look, perhaps but he was so happy to see her he thought she was gorgeous anyway. She didn’t sit down and she wrung her hands, a gesture he hadn’t ever seen her do before. He focused on her face, and she had her eyes on the ground as she took a deep breath. Levi silently begged her to look at him. She did.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She blinked rapidly. “What? Um, it’s okay! I wanted to apologize for running away yesterday. I-I actually really liked kissing you. I liked it a lot,” she said. He let out a sigh of relief. Her cheeks burned pink. “But Levi...”

He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to continue. He had over stepped her boundaries without any sort of explanation. It only made sense if she pushed him away. He studied her face carefully. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Damn it, he'd hurt her and he had to atone for it.

“Levi, I really...your kiss was so tender...” Hange said. Her face flushed redder and he thought it was so damn cute he wanted to kiss her again. But that had already gotten him in trouble once.

“Of course I was gentle, Shitty Glasses,” he said. He didn’t want to say things like that. He wanted to _speak_ gently to her, not just kiss her gently.

“I just...That kiss really meant something to me because I...” she paused and looked away. She bit her lips and he wanted her to stop and just look at him, just run her fingers through his hair and hold him close again. But she kept her distance and seemed to struggle to even speak. He thought he was going to die when a tear slid down her cheek. He was ready to chop off his own hand for making her cry.

“Levi, I...I just need to know if that kiss meant something to you too. Please be honest with me because I...” She looked in his eyes this time. “I love you,” she whispered.

Levi fell back in his chair. He hadn’t realized he was on the edge of his seat. He was dazed for a moment, trying to ascertain if he was still alive, if he had actually heard what she said. As reality set in he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heel of his palm against his forehead. He had to keep it all inside. But he was pressed beyond what he could keep hidden. He still tried, clenching his jaw and fists. He started breathing quickly.

“Levi...?” Hange said. But she kept her distance. A few hard sobs escaped. It was over now. He was broken. His father could have set his house on fire, his mother could have missed his funeral, and he would have been unmoved. But Zoë Hange on the verge of tears professing her love got to him. He put his head in his hands as he tried to keep himself under control. His jaw was still clenched, his eyes were still shut, but the sobs would not stop shaking his body. He felt her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay...” she said softly. He took both her hands in his and pulled himself together so he could look at her. In his mind he’d said it to her a thousand times. This was the only time that counted.

“I love you, Zoë,” he said. He dropped to his knees and hugged her waist. The sobs did not come as violently, but the tears were still there. “I love you so much...”

She smoothed his hair. “I love you too, Levi.”

She moved so she could sit down and he waited until she was seated so he could hug her again. He was in his safe place, with his face buried in her chest. She let him stay there and wiped away his tears until he regained his composure.

“Hey, Levi?” she began.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Hell yeah.”

She laughed and put her hands on either side of his face. She planted a firm kiss on his lips before she drew back and giggled. She kissed him again and pressed her forehead against his and continued to laugh.

“Why do you keep laughing, Shitty Glasses?” he asked.

“Because I’m so happy,” she said. “So...” Kiss. “Damn...” Kiss. “Happy...”

And this time she slowly caressed his lips, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He let her determine the pace and angle so she wouldn’t strain herself. She ran her hands through his hair as she tasted his mouth. She was a careful explorer, and he wanted to know her mouth and lips as well as he knew his own. He was going to let her take her time. She placed gentle kisses on the corners of his mouth and he kissed her nose just like he’d wanted to for months now. She giggled and pressed her forehead against his again, and when her breath tickled his lips, he just stole a quick peck. Her laughter only encouraged him to be bold.

“I’m hungry now,” she whispered.

“Then let’s eat,” he said.

They joined hands and went inside her house. Clorox seemed happy that two friends returned instead of one and he pressed his body against their legs. Levi wanted to make scrambled eggs. He couldn’t concentrate well enough for anything fancy. Hange helped, cutting up vegetables and grating cheese, but she kept stroking his face and hair and he leaned into every touch.

She smiled, “My favorite cat.”

He shook his head. “Don't make Clorox jealous.”

When breakfast was finished, they sat side by side. But Hange kept rubbing her legs against his and eating off his plate and drinking out of his glass. He responded by nuzzling her neck and cheek and stealing food from her as well. Somewhere between the stolen food, they started stealing kisses instead.

“We should clean up,” she said softly. He kissed her again.

“Maybe later,” he said. They retreated to the couch before the fireplace. Levi lay back and Hange put her head on his chest. They fell asleep, both exhausted from the events of the past twelve hours. Hange woke up first and stroked Levi’s face lovingly. He sighed in contentment. When he finally woke up he entwined his fingers with hers and they were silent. Clorox crawled onto the small of Hange’s back and curled up. She laughed a bit and Levi kissed the top her head.

“So what are we?” she asked.

“The hell if I know. I don’t do relationships,” Levi said.

“And of the three I’ve been in, two were crappy and I was too scarred from them to enjoy the third,” Hange said.

“We’re past dating, that’s for sure.”

“Aw. I want to go out on dates still.”

“I never said we wouldn’t. I just don’t think I’d tell people, my relationship with you is ‘just dating.’ That’s when you’re testing out and having fun.”

“We’re not going to have fun?”

“Damn it, Hange, stop being literal!” She laughed into his chest and he smiled. “I mean, I think we should just be in a real relationship. What do you think?”

She rested her chin on his chest and grinned. “Yeah. You’re my boyfriend now, Levi.”

“So what do you want me to call you?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Mike used date-friend for me, but I wasn’t crazy about it. I appreciate that he tried to keep in neutral though. I just couldn’t think of anything else.”

Levi thought for a moment. “Number One. Like Star Trek. You’re my Number One.”

She grinned. “Like Riker and Picard.”

“Like Commander Pike and Number One, too. Number One is for all genders,” he said.

She raised an eyebrow. “How do you know about Pike and Number One?”

He looked away. “After I saw you and Moblit at the coffee shop I binge watched The Original Series...”

She swatted his arm. “You nerd!” She kissed him. “But you’re _my_ nerd.”

He wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled against his chest.

“Look, Hange. I’m not so good with talking about how I feel.”

“I can tell.”

“Shut up. Saying shit like, ‘I love you’ is weird. But I think you should hear it. I’ll practice trying to talk about how I feel until it’s not weird,” he said.

“It’s not easy for me either. We both have a lot to learn I guess. We’ll go slow,” she said.

He nodded and ran his fingers though her hair. She sighed and bit her lip to keep from smiling too big. He wanted to tell her to smile and laugh all she wanted, no need to hide it from him. Eventually they settled in to their familiar domestic scene. They watched G Gundam, her head was on his shoulder, his hand was in her hair or tracing patterns on her neck. Only this time there was complete understanding. There was no need to guess how the other felt or wonder what would happen if the truth about how they felt about each other was known. There was comfort, like being able to stretch out after being confined for so long. There’d be cramps and hitches. But Levi was determined to learn every way their lips, hands and hearts could fit together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that for most fics this is the end of the story. The couple gets together and it fades to black and that's it. Um...yeah, half the draw of Levihan is that I think once they're actually in a relationship, they continue to be fun, as it should be in real life. In fact, it should be more fun because there is no lingering doubt as to whether or not they end up together. So I'm continuing.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Great Pumpkin, Levi Ackerman

Hange reached over and took a forkful of Levi’s rice. He responded with a stern look and a long sip from her cup. She laughed and he shook his head.

“We can’t keep eating like this. We’re like children,” he said. She withdrew and smiled absently. The change was so sudden, he wondered if he hurt her feelings.

“We wouldn’t be children if I feed you,” she said.

“We’d definitely still be children if you feed me.”

Her smile was fading fast. “Does it bother you?”

He hesitated. “No. I’m just getting used to this game is all.”

Levi really wasn’t used to it. Sharing food off of your plate at dinner literally never happened in his house growing up. Either there was no food or he had to eat it fast or someone bigger would eat it before him. And his plate could be snatched from under him by whichever lover was over to see his mom that day. However, when Hange did it, it felt experimental, as though she were just literally interested to see if the food on his plate tasted different. It seemed she liked to try and line up her lips with the lip prints he’d leave on his glass and he found that endearing for some reason. It felt close rather than intrusive. And the invitation was open to take from her. They didn’t always share food, but he kind of liked it when they did. He didn’t want her to stop. He speared his asparagus with his fork and held toward her lips.

“Well? Open,” he said.

“But I thought you said—”

“We’re allowed to be children,” he said. She grinned and ate off his fork without hesitation. Her smile was infectious, he almost returned it. She scooped up a forkful of food and held it toward him.

“Your turn, Short Ass,” she said. He obediently ate off her fork

“We’re being disgusting,” he said.

“We’re at home. We can afford to be disgusting,” she said. He snorted and leaned in close so he could nip at the bridge of her nose. She hit his shoulder and smirked. She opened her mouth to say something and then the doorbell rang. She jumped out of her seat. “It’s my package finally!”

She ran to the door. In the wake of her absence, Clorox came quietly to his side and climbed into Levi’s lap. Levi scratched under his chin, getting purrs in response. He could hear Hange giggling in her living room. Levi was quite content in not knowing what the fuss was, but Hange ran into the kitchen and grabbed his arm.

“You have to see what I got!” she said. He sighed and carried Clorox in one arm and let her drag him into the living room. He sat on the couch while Hange kneeled on the floor, her arms buried in her box. She pulled out a red and gold mask and put it on.

“You are Ironman,” he said and raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah! My Halloween costume! It might be a bit too late, but you should be War Machine!” Hange said.

“If it involves robotic armor of any sort, then I’m not doing it,” Levi said.

“Aw, but it will be so much fun!”

“No.”

“You said no last year and you dressed up,” Hange said.

“You know I don’t take your suggestions,” Levi said.

“Okay, so no robot armor...”

“Hange...”

“What about The Hulk?”

Levi stared at her and narrowed his eyes. “Hell. No. I’m not painting myself green. And everyone might think I’m some sort of demonic troll.”

Hange started laughing hysterically. “I actually meant Bruce Banner. Just wear a nice purple dress shirt and khakis and I’ll let you borrow my lab coat.”

“You’ve given up on the couple’s costume idea?” he said.

“No, Bruce and Tony Stark are science bros,” Hange said.

“We’re a bit past the ‘science bro’ stage of our relationship,” Levi said.

“Yeah, well, let’s be science bros this Halloween. Unless you want to be Pepper Potts,” she said.

“Hm...nah, I’d look weird with red hair,” he said.

“Then it’s settled?”

“Yeah. I think I’m going to go home in a minute,” he said.

She pouted a little, but smiled right after. “I’m glad you came over.”

He gave her pony tail an affectionate tug. “See you tomorrow, Shitty Glasses.”

Levi walked out of the back door and Clorox followed him. Hange stayed behind with her new toy. He stroked Clorox’s ears before hopping the fence. One of these days he was going to actually hurt himself doing that. Maybe he’d have Mike put in a gate. He just didn’t want to use the front door too often, he didn’t want the neighbors to gossip about how often he and Hange were going over each other’s houses. They’d eat together a few times a week and watch movies or television together. They’d only been a couple for a few weeks, not many people knew about their relationship. Levi wanted as little pressure in the beginning as possible. He hadn’t told his parents about Hange. He didn’t want to give them any reason to come over, least of all his father.

He decided to set out his costume when he came home. He loved that Hange did not even question that he had a plum dress shirt and khakis. He did. He looked at the outfit and crossed his arms. Yeah, it would be fun to dress up with Hange. But if Hange had taught him anything, it was that sometimes the best things in life were shared with others. So he mulled it over a bit and made a daring phone call.

* * *

Mike and Nanaba offered to host the Halloween party this year, they requested the event room in their building. Hange was nearly beside herself as they drove there. Levi insisted that she get dressed at Mike and Nanaba’s building, the costume was all right to walk in but looked really uncomfortable to sit in. It was also slightly self serving as Hange was only wearing a fitted black T-shirt and leggings. He would gladly carry her Ironman costume upstairs as long as she led the way and he could enjoy the view.

“Can we go say hi to everyone first?” Hange asked. Levi shook his head.

“I think you should get dressed in your costume,” Levi said. Hange sighed.

“Fine, let’s go to the apartment. I’ll try to be quick,” she said.

“Nanaba is going to help you,” Levi said.

“Oh, nice! I wonder what she dressed up as this year. Usually she tells me, but she was so mysterious about it,” she said. They went into the elevator and Hange crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling. “Mike wouldn’t tell me either. It’s like all of their Halloween spirit was drained into you, Levi. But you’re not even super dressed up or anything.”

He snorted as they came to the floor. Hange rang the door bell and Nanaba answered. Levi had never seen Hange’s eyes get so big.

Nanaba laughed. “Um...kneel before me, you mewling quim...” Hange squealed and gave her a hug. “H-Hange! I said kneel, not hug!”

“Who knew you’d make the cutest Loki in the history of forever?” Hange said. “You look so freakishly good in that costume! When did you have time to dye your hair?”

Nanaba laughed. “I like my hair blonde, it isn’t dye. It’s a lace front wig. One of Erwin’s theater kids suggested it.”

Hange squealed in glee. “Who did Mike dress up as?”

“Well, let’s get you in your costume and then you can find out,” Nanaba said. Levi didn’t say anything as they went into Nanaba’s room. He was honestly happy to see Hange so excited. Levi expected Hange to move slowly and robotically in her Ironman costume. She had never moved faster, she grabbed his arm and practically dragged him downstairs. Nanaba was certainly enjoying herself at his expense. When Hange entered the room she scanned it for Mike and let out a cry and pointed. Mike only laughed and came over. He scooped up Nanaba.

“I see you found my brother, Ironman,” he said.

“It’s perfect!” Hange said. “I don’t know why I never thought of you as Thor before, Mike. It’s so damn perfect! And where are you guys finding these amazing costumes and amazing wigs?”

“Well, I didn’t need a wig for my costume,” a voice from behind said. Hange and Levi glanced over their shoulders to see Petra and Oluo. Hange let out a high pitched scream.

“Oh...my...god...you look guys look so damn amazing!” Hange cried. “Petra, you were practically born to be Black Widow!”

“You think so?” Petra asked. “I was a little taken aback with the catsuit...”

“I’m not complaining,” Oluo said. Petra slapped the back of his head.

“Well, Oluo as Hawkeye, your number one fanboy is perfect. All we need now is—” A discreet cough was heard some distance away. Erwin had finally made his way over with Marie on his arm. “Holy shit...”

Erwin’s only response was a smirk. “’Avengers, assemble’ is my line, I suppose.”

Hange’s mouth hung open. “I don’t know what’s got to me more. The fact that Erwin is nearly flawless as Captain America or that Marie is Agent Carter. Did you guys all plan this?”

“Well, Levi made suggestions and we all agreed and executed in our own,” Erwin said. Hange turned to Levi with a huge grin.

“This is the best, the literal best!” she said. She hugged him and he winced because her robot armor pinched a little and she hugged a bit tight.

“We need to keep Hange around. Next thing you know, Levi might actually agree to host a holiday party at his house,” Petra said.

“Hey, one thing at a time,” Levi grumbled. But Hange was happy, she was giddy like a child with Halloween candy. He would suffer social interaction if it meant that she would be like this.

* * *

Unfortunately, Hange’s childish behavior translated into her not wanting to take her costume off even when it was getting too hot. Eventually, Levi made the call to leave a little early and Hange begrudgingly agreed...and still refused to take off the costume. Levi was mildly annoyed by this, but kept quiet during the car ride home. Hange was half asleep on the way back.

“Do you need help taking that off?” he asked. She nodded and kept her eyes closed. She trudged into her house and sat on the floor. Levi helped her remove each part of the costume and carefully put it back in the box. Maybe she could use it again for a comic book convention or sell it. That left him with an exhausted Hange sprawled on the floor. He went into the kitchen and got her a glass of water. She was all too grateful to drink it when he handed it to her. He ran the back of his hand against her cheek and sat on the floor with her.

“You should take a shower,” he said.

“I’m tired,” she said.

“You kind of smell,” he said.

“I’ll take a shower in the morning,” she said. “Besides, you know you like my stink.”

He leaned over and held his nose close to the dip of her collar bone. He inhaled slowly as he followed the column of her neck with his lips and nose, hovering close to her skin. He pressed his cheek against hers and sighed.

“I think I do,” he whispered in her ear. She whimpered and he stopped and drew back. He cupped her cheek and studied her face. Her face was flushed her eyes had a dreamy shine to them. It was a good whimper, he had to be sure. He kissed just below her ear a few times, just to test her reaction. A sigh was all he got. He kissed a trail down to the base of her neck and nipped her a bit. She yelped and pressed herself closer against him.

“I didn’t know you were a vampire,” she said.

“I’m not. I’m a werewolf if I’m anything,” he said. He bit her again, just enough to leave a shallow impression and then kissed the mark as if to apologize for the roughness. He covered her neck in kisses and stopped only to look in her eyes, to try and see if there was any hesitation. She smiled and stroked his cheek before pulling him into an open mouth kiss. He was still learning what she liked. As much as she liked his lips, she was always going to find a way to use her tongue somehow, even if it was just licking her own lips. She didn't like to be touched in certain places, as she'd made clear a few times before, so he kept his hands in places he knew were okay. Right then, he had a hand on her cheek and one trailing from her hip to her rib cage.

Her movements were slow, almost sluggish, though. Levi felt he had to do something to wake her up a bit. So he broke their kiss briefly and bit her lip just a little. She squeaked and drew back.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Did I break the skin?”

She shook her head and ran her tongue over the inside of her lip.

“No, I’m fine. Um...I don’t think I like biting, Levi,” she said. “Sorry to go against your werewolf instincts.”

He stroked her face and she kissed his palm. “You lick me enough so I still feel connected to my roots.”

She laughed and he started to kiss her again. It didn’t last very long, she pushed him away and he gave her space.

“I’m a bit tired tonight,” she said.

“I can tell,” Levi said. He stood up and helped her to her feet. Without a warning he scooped her up. She squealed and folded her arms over her chest.

“I-I said I was tired!” she said.

“I’m taking you to your room,” he said. They started up the stairs and he noticed she was breathing a little quicker.

“I’m going to go to sleep, just so you know,” she said. He stopped and looked down at her. There was something about the slight tremor in her voice that worried him.

“I was just going to put you in your bed. Do you want me to put you down?” he asked.

“Um...” she seemed to relax and put her head on his shoulder. “No. Just...just know I’m going right to sleep, okay?”

He kept walking and pressed his cheek against her hair. “I know. I want you to get your rest.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you.”

There was a cautious relief in her tone. He might have worried longer, but she pressed light, feathery kisses against his neck and all he could do was hold her closer. He opened the door to her room and set her down on her feet. He pulled back her comforter and Hange crawled under her sheets. Clorox darted straight for the pillow beside her. Hange laughed and Levi managed a smirk.

“Good night, Ironman,” he said and kissed her forehead.

“Good night, Dr. Banner, best boyfriend ever,” Hange said.

“Dr. Banner’s the best boyfriend ever? What am I then?” Levi said.

She laughed. “Well, saying, 'good night, Levi, best boyfriend ever' is too redundant.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re dating an idiot.”

“Damn right, and proud of it too,” he said.

He leaned forward to kiss her but she put a finger on his mouth. “No biting,” she said.

He nodded and she let him gently touch his lips to hers.

“Good night for real this time,” he said. He squeezed her hand and left her with Clorox. Another year, another costume. And he even organized a group costume. He was losing it. Where was the solitary Levi who wore a T-shirt and jeans on Halloween?

That Levi had just put his Number One to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did the kiddos do while the adults were at the costume party? Well, in light of the failed pranks from last year, they decided to explore a haunted house. Armin once again suggested that this was a bad idea. Of course, no one listened. They went to the house.
> 
> The end resulted in Connie pissing his pants, Mikasa running out carrying Eren bridal style, Reiner carrying out Bertholdt and Krista under each arm, Jean ripping his pants and Armin laughing the entire time while in his possessed child get up.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner was finished in good time, the food was set on the table the family gathered. Everyone was eating when Levi felt his phone buzz. He had no idea what moved him to check it. He wished he hadn’t. It was almost as though his heart started pumping ice water through his body when he saw the name.
> 
> Mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized that Hange's mom was originally named Marie...and so is Erwin's girlfriend. Soooo, I changed Hange's mom's name to Lesley.
> 
> Trigger warnings: Misgendering, groping without consent

Levi held Hange's hand as they both looked at the phone. She put her arm around him and squeezed him reassuringly.

“You can do this,” she said. He knew. It wasn't like he never called family before. But this was different.

“You dial,” he said.

She chuckled. “Fair enough.” The phone rang and Levi squeezed Hange's hand tighter. She ran her thumb over his knuckles and he took a deep breath.

“Hello?”

“Mom?”

“Oh, Zozo! How are you and Levi?” Hange's mother asked.

“We're good,” Hange said. “We're both on the phone with you actually.”

“Well, then let me say a proper hello to Levi. How are you dear?”

“I'm fine...”

“Levi has something he wants to ask you,” Hange said.

“Anything, dear.”

“Well...ah...Lesley can I please host Thanksgiving at Hange's house this year?” he asked. Lesley didn’t answer right away. Levi looked at Hange nervously and she shrugged.

“That is a big thing to ask,” Lesley said.

“I know. I just really want to cook for you guys and Hange mentioned that it was supposed to be at Ariana's house and they just had renovations and all so...she wanted offer her house and I wanted to cook for you all,” he said.

“You two are adorable, you know?”

“Mom don't embarrass me in front of Levi,” Hange said.

“I’m pretty sure Ariana will be happy to have the pressure off. I’ll ask her if she’s all right with it. But Levi, as much as Hange raves about your cooking, you can’t cook for all of us on your own. Ariana’s husband Chad, Gunter and Rick will be helping you,” Lesley said.

“If they agree to, that’s fine,” Levi said.

“It’s basically tradition. Mom assigns who helps with dinner. She always cooks one dish though,” Hange said.

“I’m excited to have Thanksgiving with you,” Lesley said. “You make my little Zozo so happy, promise to sit and have coffee with me the next morning, all right?”

“All right,” Levi said.

Hange wanted to talk to her mother some more so she walked off with her phone and Levi opened his notebook. So many things to plan.

* * *

Lesley gave the official go ahead to have Thanksgiving at Hange’s house. Levi wasted no time in making everything absolutely perfect. Hange gave him free reign of her house, and put herself fully at his direction. He cleaned the house from top to bottom. He agreed with Hange’s idea not to use his fine china given all the children (and he didn’t have enough pieces for such a large crowd), but he made a careful place setting for the table. He knew that the Hanges did not believe in children’s tables. So he made a seating chart, a special place for Ariana and Leanne to have an easier time during dinner, put parents within a good distance of their children for discipline (purposely put himself next to Hange for secret hand holding), and put Shawn as far away from him as possible. He created center pieces, carefully picked produce from his garden, got free range, organic turkeys, gathered herbs from Hange’s garden, bought things he didn’t already have.

Everything had to be absolutely perfect. The night before, Levi was up late at Hange’s house double checking the bedrooms. Earlier in the evening he re-shined the silverware. He kept looking at the dining room from different angles. Something wasn’t right. He found a ruler and started measuring the place settings, making sure they were in perfect alignment. He heard Hange’s footsteps from down the hall. He heard her pour two glasses of something and saw her come into the room. She didn’t say anything to him at first and he didn’t look at her.

“Levi...” she said.

“I’m almost done,” he said.

She sighed and set the glasses down on the table. He stood up straight and clenched his jaw.

“Did I throw you off?” she asked.

“Just a bit,” he said. She walked over to him and ran her fingers though his hair.

“Hey. Calm down. No one is going to notice the details,” she said.

“I will,” he said. “It must be perfect.”

“Levi...”

“Hange...Zoë...I haven’t had Thanksgiving with family in a long time. I mean face to face and not over the phone...” She smiled and hugged him. “It has to be perfect.”

“What will happen if it’s not perfect?”

“Everyone will be disappointed.”

“And?” Levi was silent. She put her hands on either side of his face and studied it carefully. “You don’t think you’re going to lose me over this, are you?” He wouldn’t look at her and she held him close. “Levi...don’t be silly. Everything is going to be fine. And even if everything is horrible, do you really think I’d leave you over Thanksgiving dinner? Unless you plan on killing my whole family, I really don’t think you can do anything that bad.”

He squeezed her tightly. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

She kissed his forehead. “You won’t. Now have a glass of wine with me, go home and go to sleep.”

She grabbed the glasses she left on the table and handed one to him. He took it and followed her to the living room. They drank mostly in silence. She had her arm around him and he had his head on her shoulder. When they were finished he spent a few minutes curled up on her lap.

“I’m nervous,” he said. She hummed and ran her fingers though his hair.

“I know,” Hange said. She massaged small circles into his scalp. He sighed and felt his entire body relax. She chuckled as he pressed his face into her thighs. She rubbed the nape of his neck and he moaned a little. “I like this part on your neck. It’s nice and fuzzy, especially when you just have it cut.”

She searched his shoulders and neck for stiff muscles and rubbed them. A fair amount of the tension left his body, he might have fallen asleep right there. He sat up though and looked at her and she stroked his cheek.

“Better?” she asked. He pressed his forehead against hers and nodded. “Good. Now get some sleep.”

He headed home. Hange was right. He’d done enough already, tomorrow would be just fine.

* * *

As he expected, Hange was an excellent hostess. He helped her greet the first wave of family members that arrived before he retreated to the kitchen to cook. Hange’s father and Rick were the first to arrive in the kitchen with him. They exchanged general pleasantries while putting on their aprons, but before long, they were working very much like a restaurant kitchen, shouting orders and progress on dishes. Levi sampled everything at every stage. It seemed to be going well, both Rick and Gunter were good enough chefs on their own. Chad arrived a little late with Leanne in his arms. Ariana was right behind him with a high chair. She set it up right next to Levi.

“Thank you so much for this,” Ariana said. “I wanted to host so bad this year, but I just don’t think everything’s settled the way we’d like.”

“It’s Ha—Zoë’s house. Thank her,” he said.

“Um...one more favor though...” she said.

Chad set Leanne in the high chair next to him. She met eyes with Levi and looked down at the tray. He glanced at both parents.

“Leanne is anxious with a lot of people around,” Chad said. “She likes being in the kitchen, and we know she likes you.”

“She doesn’t remember me,” Levi said. “But she can stay. I’ve got work for you, Chad.”

Ariana gave Chad and Leanne each a quick kiss before she left for the living room. Levi gave Chad some tasks and let him work. Leanne was looking at him shyly and Levi pursed his lips.

“Chad, is there anything Leanne is allergic to?” he asked.

“Nope,” he said.

Levi took one of the pumpkin scones he’d finished earlier and broke it into small pieces and put them on the tray. Leanne looked up at him with large eyes. He put his finger to his lips.

“You can have dessert before dinner, I won’t tell,” he said. She stared at him for a moment before cautiously putting one of the pieces in her mouth. Her eyes lit up and she began to eat more. He smiled a bit before turning back to his work. Leanne was quiet as she ate. Levi was a bit in awe of how much she’d grown. She had to be a little over a year old, but she had gotten so big, and so expressive already. She had her front teeth, her hair was longer and curlier, already a disposition toward shyness was apparent. She took her last piece of scone and held it toward him.

“For me?” he asked. She stretched toward him and he took it from her.

“Thank you,” he said. He ate it. “It’s delicious!”

She giggled and pressed her hands over her face. He spread a few dried cranberries over her tray. He wasn’t sure if she’d like them, so he decided to watch her reaction. She seemed to enjoy them and they were a tiny bit sticky, so she pressed her fingers together and laughed.

“Levi, stop playing with the baby and finish!” Gunter said with a grin. Levi smirked.

“Well, well, well. Levi continues to be good with children,” a voice said from the door jamb. Levi tried to focus on his work and not glare at Shawn. Shawn came right to his side and leaned on the counter. “Will we have a shotgun wedding because you got my Zozo pregnant in a desperate attempt to be a father?”

“Zoë will only be pregnant if she wants to be and I’ll respect whatever decision she makes after. Besides, you and I know it wouldn’t be a shotgun wedding. More like a longbow wedding courtesy of Rick and Lesley,” he said.

Rick laughed. “He’s right.”

“Ugh, just finish dinner guys. I’m starving,” Shawn said.

The kitchen became silent.

“I haven’t seen Shawn pick on one of Zozo’s boyfriend so much before. He was never this way with Mike,” Gunter said.

“He was like that with Russ, though,” Rick said. It felt like the kitchen’s temperature dropped a few degrees the silence was so icy. Gunter sighed heavily. Levi glanced over his shoulder at them. He hadn’t ever really heard much about Hange’s other boyfriends before. He wanted to know more, but if they weren’t talking, he’d have to wait. Levi honestly wanted to hear about it from Hange herself, but that was for another day. Today was happy and festive.

Dinner was finished in good time, the food was set on the table the family gathered. Everyone was eating when Levi felt his phone buzz. He had no idea what moved him to check it. He wished he hadn’t. It was almost as though his heart started pumping ice water through his body when he saw the name.

Mom.

He got up from the table abruptly. Hange was right behind him as he went outside. She held his hand as he answered.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hey, Levi!” she said. Each syllable was drawn out. She was drunk.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Don’t be that way, Levi-baby! I’m coming over now. It’s Thanksgiving we should be together, like family,” she said.

“I’m not at my house,” he said.

“Oh...I can just come to where you are then!” she said.

“No, Mom. Don’t—”

She started to sniffle. “All I want is one damn Thanksgiving with you and you shoot me down! Is that any way to treat family?”

“She can come,” Hange whispered to him. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists.

“I’m at my...neighbor’s house. I’m dating her, her whole family is here. We’ll make a place for you,” he said.

“Oh, Levi. Such a good boy. I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend,” she said.

“She’s not—”

Hange squeezed his shoulder and shook her head. “It’s not a good time for that...”

“Fine. Just get here safe. Take a cab, okay?” he said.

“Yes, dear!”

Levi hung up and sat on one of the deck chairs and put his face in his hands. Hange rubbed his shoulders.

“It’s okay,” she said.

“She’s fucking drunk,” he said.

“We’ll do what we can. I’ll warn everyone before she gets here,” she said.

“It figures, the one year I don’t invite her to Thanksgiving she invites herself. I can only be with her on her terms. I can’t ever ask anything from her. I can’t guilt trip her, but she can sure as hell guilt trip me,” he said.

“You’re going to be okay,” she said.

“Tonight’s going to be a disaster,” he said.

“No, it won’t,” she said. “Let’s go back and tell the family.”

They went back and Levi stood anxiously in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. Lesley got up and held Hange’s hands.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Levi’s mother is coming,” Hange said.

“That’s wonderful!”

“Mom...she’s drunk.”

“Oh...I see,” Lesley said. “Keep the adults informed. Set her place between Levi and me. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Levi made room for another place setting, throwing the balance off on the table. His jaw was clenched so tight he couldn’t open his mouth to eat. Lesley rubbed his arm and leaned over.

“At least take a bite of your turkey. It’s amazing,” she said. He did, but couldn't taste it. He met eyes with Rick from across the table.

“The food’s really good,” he said with a smile. Levi managed a half smile in return. Rick nodded slowly and Levi took a deep breath. All the adults shifted a bit when the doorbell rang. Levi rose and Hange started to stand. He put a hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t have to,” he said.

“Yes, I do,” she said. Levi didn’t say anything as she linked arms with him. Levi felt all the blood rush to his head. He didn’t feel like he was in his body, but Hange’s arm around his grounded him. He rested a shaking hand on the door knob.

“I’m right here,” Hange whispered. He could smell the tobacco from her cigarette before he even opened the door.

“I can’t do this,” he said. Hange squeezed his arm reassuringly. Levi released another breath before opening the door. There she was. She breathed out a puff of smoke into the air before tossing it aside and putting it out with her foot on his welcome mat. Hange squeezed his arm again as his eyes narrowed in annoyance. Hange had a grin on her face as Levi’s mother gazed at them with bleary eyes.

“Mother,” he said.

“Levi! Is that any way to greet your mommy!” she said. She pulled him into her arms. She reeked of cigarettes and cheap beer. Her hair was dyed an unnatural shade of straw, her spidery mascara was smudged, her lipstick was hastily applied, the powder she used was too pale for her face and sank into wrinkles oddly. Her dress was a fluttery and lavender, but accentuated her distended belly and she wore a fringed suede jacket. He was embarrassed to see her, she looked like an old hooker to him, but Hange held out her hand as though she were the first lady.

“Hello, Ms. Ackerman, I’m Zoë. I’m dating your son,” she said. Levi’s mom gave her a long, hard stare.

“Oh. Call me Hilary,” she said and shook Hange’s hand. “So you’re Levi’s girlfriend?”

“Ah...he calls me his Number One,” she said.

“Hm...” Hilary said and looked at Levi and then back at Hange. “So your family is here?”

“Yes,” Hange said. “We’re all waiting to meet you, come inside. We have a place for you.”

Levi’s mother was shown to her seat beside Hange’s parents. Lesley was wonderful with her, serving her food, talking about her grand children and talking about nearly everything to keep his mother distracted. It worked for a little while. Levi had stopped eating entirely and pushed his food around on his plate.

“Everything’s fine,” Hange whispered to him. His mother excused herself after she finished eating. Levi got up after her and went out to the back porch. He glared as his mother lit a cigarette.

“You picked a family straight out of a magazine, that’s for sure,” she said. He didn’t say anything. She breathed a puff of smoke through her teeth. “So was your girlfriend always Zoë, or was she a Zeke before?”

“She was _always_ Zoë,” he said.

“Really now?” she said. “She some sort of dyke? Why is she dating you, then?”

“Mother...”

“I know I babied you a bit so you’re kind of soft, but you’re not _girl_ soft,” she said. Levi had so many things to say, but he settled for retreating into his expressionless face that he often presented for his parents. “Fine, fine. I hate it when you pout like a bitch. Maybe you need a manly woman to even you out. Just send her to me, I want to take a good look at her,” she said.

“How can you even see her when—” he paused. “I’ll get her.” He walked away. “You damn fucking lush,” he muttered under his breath.

Hange was waiting for him when he came back inside. He looked at her trying to think of every way to save her the torture of talking to his mother.

“I made her a tupperware to take home,” she said.

“You did too much,” he said. She shook her head.

“Does she want to see me?” she asked. Levi nodded. “You have to let me talk to her.”

“She’s not going to understand you,” he said.

“I know.”

“She’s going to say things that hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I want to explain.”

“She’s drunk and won’t understand. My parents love me and they don’t really understand. They just try and make me comfortable is all. I can’t expect the same from her. It’s okay, Levi. For you I’ll do this.”

“No. I don’t want her to talk about you like you’re not human. I don’t want her to misgender you and misunderstand you...”

“It’s no reflection on you. Go clean the kitchen, I’ll talk to her.”

Levi dragged himself into the kitchen and washed the dishes so he could watch Hange and his mother. Chad and Rick patted him on the back and Shawn joined him at the sink. They both had their eyes on Hange. Levi’s mother circled her as they talked. Hange continued to smile, even when she leaned into her face, probably trying to find stubble. Levi took long deep breaths to try and calm himself.

“This was a mistake,” he said.

“Easy,” Shawn said.

They talked some more, his mother smiled, Levi relaxed a bit. It was over. Then she started poking and feeling Hange’s chest. Levi dropped the plate he was holding, thankfully back into the sink.

“That’s it,” he said. He stormed out and slid the back door open. “Mother, we have food for you inside. Come in and see if you want more.”

“How nice of you,” his mother said. Hange followed her inside and Levi held her hand tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“She felt what she wanted to feel. She’s satisfied,” Hange said.

“What did she say to you?” he asked. Hange hesitated and he squeezed her hand a little.

“She said um...‘Put some lipstick on now and then.' I wore my good push up bra too. Didn't make a bit of difference to the naked eye it seems,” Hange said. “Please don’t be mad at her. It doesn’t hurt so much.”

“But she hurt your feelings and she...she...I can’t allow that,” he said.

She closed her eyes. “Look, what she did wasn't right but I don't want to be made a more of a spectacle today.”

Levi kissed her hand. “I'm sorry. This is all my fault.”

She smiled. “Just go to her. I'll go with my family.”

Levi's mom had her tupperware and much to his horror, she had three beers lined up and one was already empty. “It really was a good dinner and it was nice to meet your girlfriend.”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

“But Levi, she really doesn't do much with herself. Tell her to show a little leg if she wants to keep you around. Honestly, you've gone out with much hotter girls,” she said.

Levi wanted to tell her to just get out but he didn't want fireworks with Hange's family around.

“Zoë's beautiful, Mom,” he said. He wanted to add that she was the reason he even let her come over, but he decided to leave that out.

His mother laughed and downed another beer. “I need a little more to drink before I can agree with that.”

She picked up her tupperware and stumbled to the door. Levi came and steadied her. He hoped he could get her to the porch and call her a cab before anyone saw, but Lesley and Shawn were there at the door waiting.

“Does she need a ride home?” Lesley asked.

“Yeah. I was going to call her a cab and wait with her outside,” he said.

“We'll take her,” Shawn said.

“Are you sure?” Levi asked.

“Positive,” Lesley said. Levi looked at his mother and studied her face. She didn't even see him anymore. He wished she would. He wished she could see past her spidery mascara and overly powdered nose. Because even like this, even with the horrible way she treated Hange, and with the countless ways she neglected and and used him he still couldn't cut her out of his life. He hugged her and she stiffened.

“Are you okay with this, Mom?” he asked.

“Y-yeah...” she said.

“Do you need money or anything?” he asked.

“I...just a little...” she said. He got out his wallet and pulled out all the cash he had on him. It was a decent enough amount to make his mother emotional. “You're such a good boy, such a good boy,” she said.

“Yeah, Mom. Get home safe. Will you call me tomorrow morning?” he said.

“Sure, Baby. Of course,” she said. He walked with her out to the car and helped her in. He waved to her and she waved back. Levi knew the truth. She wouldn't call. She'd wake up with a hangover and go about her life. She'd see the food and vaguely remember she was with him the day before. She had only invited herself for a meal and money. He went back inside and threw himself into cleaning.

This was all his fault. If he hadn't ignored her, she would have felt validated that he “needed” her and she could go on blowing him off. But he was so wrapped up with his new life with Hange that he ignored her. He could have, with just one phone call, prevented Hange from being groped. He failed to protect her. Rick came into the kitchen.

“Hey, how's everything in here?” he asked.

“Fine,” Levi said. Rick started to wipe down the counters opposite from him.

“Zozo...Zoë told me what happened,” he said. Levi started to grind his teeth.

“I couldn't protect her,” he said.

“You can't protect her from every small variable,” Rick said.

“I left her alone with a drunk woman.”

“You weren't thinking she was alone with a drunk woman at the moment. All you saw was mother. I'm sure you hoped that Hange would be safe with her,” he said.

“I wasn't fucking stupid. I knew she'd hurt her I let her be alone with my mother now look what happened...”

“Levi, no one is upset with you. Zoë is not upset with you. We're all here to help.”

Levi took a deep breath. “I want to finish cleaning.”

“Yeah, man. I know. We'll be right here for you,” he said.

Levi was lost in his tasks. Carefully putting away plates and preparing to wash the table cloths. Everything was already very clean, but he was ready to do more. It was when he heard the soft whimper of a baby that he turned. Hange was in the kitchen with Leanne in her arms.

“She got a little overwhelmed with all the people. I thought we should go somewhere quiet,” she said.

“All right,” he said. Leanne reached out for him and put her arms around his neck. He rubbed her back.

“It's hard to be around people, I know,” he said. They retreated to a sitting room off the kitchen and sat on the couch together. Hange put her head on his shoulder.

“I'm so sorry. I am so beyond sorry. This was a disaster,” he said.

Hange sighed. “All right. So your mom showing up wasn't the best.”

“She groped you in your own house! I won't let her near you again.”

“Levi, I really appreciate that you're willing to protect me and keep that from happening to me again. I want you to just listen. So that was one thing. But my whole family is here. And guess what? They all still like you. Dinner was amazing. Like, I don't even like cranberry sauce, but you made it with oranges and I'd never tasted anything like it. I'm here with you right now. That's the most important thing to me. And Leanne really likes you too.”

Levi was silent as Leanne cooed into his neck. Hange sat there and held them both.

“Why is that you were the one who was physically violated and you're the one comforting me?” he asked.

“It wasn't right, but I've had worse happen to me. I can't stand to see you beat yourself up over something that you didn't even do,” she said. They sat together talking quietly until all three of them were relaxed enough to rejoin the family. The rest were watching the animated Dr. Seuss movies back to back. Levi sat with Leanne and Hange on the couch. But Leanne fell asleep in his arms, and though he tried to stay awake, Levi fell asleep soon after.

* * *

The sight of Levi slouched in the couch with Leanne on his chest was pretty damn adorable. But all cute scenes were bound to end. Leanne had to go to bed with her parents, and Levi...Hange couldn't bear to wake him up. He worked so hard and was so stressed out with guilt. So she put a pillow under his head and spread a blanket over him. She stroked Levi's face and he sighed and kissed her palm.

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you,” she said softly. She kissed his forehead, but he was completely asleep. The crease between his brows was gone, as was his permanent frown, and with the feelings and worry that created his mask put to rest, his face seemed so much younger. It always touched her to see him so relaxed. Hange slept easily thinking about Levi and her family.

She didn't know what she'd find when she woke up. When she came down stairs, she found a few of the children gathered around Levi. Sandy ran over and grabbed her hand and dragged her to his side. She rubbed her little hands together.

“What's wrong with Levi, guys?” she asked.

“He won't wake up,” Sandy said. “He needs true love's kiss, Zozo. Only you can save him!”

Hange laughed and smoothed Levi's hair. On the one hand, she really did want to kiss him awake. On the other hand, she didn't want to do that with all the children around. She bit her lip. As if to make the decision for her, Clorox jumped on Levi's stomach and licked his face. He was awake now. He blinked slowly and held Clorox close.

“Morning...” he mumbled. The children began to giggle and hug him and he returned their affection with head pats and half smiles.

“Levi needs to go home and take a shower, all right?” Hange said. The kids laughed and cleared the way for him. He and Hange walked side by side to the chain link fence.

“I still feel awful about what happened,” he said.

“You didn't do anything,” she said.

“I didn't prevent it. I'm sorry,” he said.

Hange didn't want to talk about it anymore. She did not condone or excuse what his mother did, but the only person who should feel guilty was probably sleeping off her hangover somewhere.

“When she's drunk like that, I won't leave you alone with her again. I promise,” he said. “I swear it was the last thing I ever thought would happen to you.”

“I know.”

He climbed the fence and landed safely on the other side. Before he could get too far, she grabbed his sleeve.

“I never thanked you for dinner,” she said as she pulled him close. She placed a firm kiss on his lips and pressed her forehead against his after. He stole a second, lingering kiss, sucking lightly on her bottom lip.

“Damn it, Levi, stop trying to eat my Zozo's face!” Shawn cried from the kitchen window.

“Shawn!” Hange shouted.

Levi managed a smirk. “I'll be back in a few minutes.”

“I'll be waiting for you,” she said. She stared after him dreamily. Thanksgiving had not been perfect. But she wasn't aiming for a perfect life with Levi. She just hoping she could share a life with him. It would still take time to see if that was a reasonable request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's parents are always so painful to write.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas with the Hanges.

Hange sat on the edge of her bed with her gift. It was wrapped nicely and she ran her finger over the bow. Levi was hard to shop for, it seemed like he had everything. Except this. She was confident he didn’t have this. She wanted to picture his face when he opened it. Her phone rang, distracting her from her thoughts of Levi. It was her older sister. They had to talk, so she answered.

“Michelle? What’s up?” Hange said.

“Nothing. I can’t wait to see you Zozo,” she said. “Aaaaand I want to tell you that you and Levi will have to share a room when you come over.”

“Okay.”

“And a bed.”

Hange was silent a bit. “O-okay.”

“So you lovebirds better keep it down, all right?”

“Um...okay!”

“Now that that awkwardness is out of the way, is Levi going to wear an ugly sweater this year?”

“No. I talked him into a Norwegian sweater though.”

“Ugh. Your boyfriend is so high class for us plebeians...you did tell him about the lightsaber battle at least?”

“He has his own lightsaber. He’s ready.”

“Oho! I’ll bet he can’t beat Shawn or Ariana though. Might have an easier time with me. They don’t make laser axes or anything,” she said.

“What about Rick?”

“Maybe Rick. Kayden’s been training to fence too, you know. He wants to join us this year,” Michelle said.

“This is going to be so much fun!”

“You know it! See you in a few days?”

“See you!”

Hange hung up and swallowed. Sharing a bed with Levi. She knew it could mean nothing but... they had been going out for over a month. What would he say when she told him? She loved Levi and she loved touching him and being held by him. She knew if she were asked to share a bed with anyone else, she’d do it no problem. But there were...expectations with Levi. She knew Levi well enough to know that he didn’t expect anything from her but...it was his birthday and maybe...

She ran her hands over the gift again. Maybe this wasn’t enough. She sighed and fell back on her bed. She didn’t want a repeat of before they started going out. She knew she just had to talk to him.

Hange put the gift under her bed and went over his house. She crawled on his couch and lay face down on it for a while. Lysol and Windex climbed on the cushions near her and waited until she started to give them attention.

“You guys waiting for Levi too?” she asked as she sat upright. Windex hopped on her lap and pressed her head against her neck. Hange laughed. Lysol pressed against her arm. “You guys are so cute...and we’ve already shared a bed. Why is it so hard to even think about sharing one with Levi?”

Levi was taking his time in coming home. She decided to whip up a lazy carbinara. She threw some of his pasta in a pot to boil, cut up some bacon and sausage, grated a little cheese. She drained the pasta, heated a little oil and started cooking. She heard the front door open. Lysol went out to see Levi, while Windex jumped on the counter. Hange pushed Windex away. In response, Windex jumped on her shoulder and watched. Levi came in just as she started cracking a few eggs in with the pasta, bacon and sausage.

“It smells good,” he said as he grabbed Windex from off of her. He looked over her shoulder for a while before he reached into his cabinet. He put two spice jars near her. “I suggest more black pepper and just a dash of red pepper.”

Hange did as suggested. Carbinara cooked quickly, and she made him a plate and handed it to him. She made her own and joined him at the counter to eat.

“You’re anxious about something,” he said between hasty forkfuls of food. She put a hand on his shoulder and he began to chew slower and moved his arm from around his plate.

“I am. Just a little bit,” she said.

“Neither of my parents will be showing up for Christmas,” he said.

“No, that’s not what I’m worried about. I talked to Michelle and she says we’ll be sharing a bed...”

“Yeah?”

“I just...I’m sorry Levi I just don’t think I can share a bed with you...”

“I’m okay with that. I’ll bring my air mattress.”

“Is it really okay?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“You’re not mad or disappointed are you?”

He glanced at her and then back at his plate. “Why would I be?”

“Because we’ve been dating for a while and...”

“And what?”

“We haven’t...we haven’t had sex, y’know?”

He shrugged. “So?”

She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or even more worried. “Well, I was wondering if you thought maybe we should move in that direction.”

“Do you want me to fuck you?”

She pushed her food around her plate a bit. “I-it’s not that I don’t _ever_ want to. It’s just that I...I don’t know...”

“Then that’s that. Besides, I couldn’t possibly fuck you while your whole family is around. That’s just kind of weird,” he said.

“Haha, well it’s sort of an unspoken tradition. At least one of the couples will get really loud during sex during the night,” Hange said.

“With all the children around?”

“No! All the kids like to sleep around the tree Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. So usually someone does it then...” Hange said

“Ugh, that’s sick. I just can’t even imagine that. And what if you get so loud that the kids hear you downstairs?”

Hange laughed. “We live to make each other slightly uncomfortable.”

“I couldn’t possibly do that, I don’t like people to hear.”

“So what did you do when you roomed with Erwin?”

“We had a set of House Rules. House Rule Number Seven, Clause B: neither roommate wants to hear the other fucking, nor do they want to be heard while fucking. Please provide advance warning and/or earplugs.”

“I’ll bet you went broke buying him earplugs,” Hange said.

“You guys act like I’m the only one who ever had sex during college. Erwin had his fair share of ass too. Oluo might have had a lot more if he wasn’t so busy chasing after Petra,” he said.

Hange felt at ease a bit. At least she was safe for the week. She had been given the image of Levi as this shameless sexual deviant, she never thought about him being shy about being heard during sex. But he gave her space so quickly and readily, she couldn’t help but be suspicious.

* * *

Christmas with the Hanges was a weeklong affair. She hadn’t quite geared Levi up for it and she felt bad, but he hit the ground running. They had barely gotten out of the car before they were pelted with snowballs. Levi, without questioning provided cover while Hange got the rest of the bags and escorted her to the house like a trained marine. Michelle greeted them both with a big hug.

“I’ll put your bags in your room, go out there and fight!” she said. Levi grabbed Hange's hand and ran outside. He began pelting her siblings and nieces and nephews with snowballs. Their annual snowball fight was often just a snowy massacre. There were no winners, only cold. Hange’s mother, father and Michelle, Tameryn, and Chad sat out on the snowball fights. Rick was often all too eager to show off how good his aim was and was surprisingly aggressive. Shawn was literally targeting Levi. Hange and Kayden covered for Levi. The better shots tended to avoid being too hard on the younger children.

By the time everyone was ready to go inside they were all covered in snow. Hange giggled as Levi took off his wet things.

“What?” he said.

“Your nose is so red,” she said.

“Rudolph!” Sandy cried and jumped on his lap. She patted his nose. “Are you sad because the other reindeer won’t let you play? Is that why you don’t smile?”

“It’s part of the reason,” Levi said.

“Then you must play all our games!” Sandy said.

“I’ll try,” he said.

“Sandy, Sandy. Levi can’t play games,” Shawn said.

“Yes he can!” Sandy said.

“No, Sandy. You see, despite the red nose, Levi’s actually one of Santa’s elves and needs to work hard so you can get presents.”

Sandy’s eyes got really wide and she grinned. “Really?”

“Stop it, Shawn,” Hange said.

They all headed for the kitchen where they were served hot chocolate. Levi stood next to Hange.

“So tonight, we'll sing carols around the piano,” she said.

“I don't sing,” Levi said.

“Just pretend you do. Then we'll have dinner. No, you don't have to cook at all this week. But if you really have to—”

“I do. I'm making gingerbread men tomorrow”

“I can't see anyone objecting to that. Then the kids will build ginger bread forts and we'll set them up on display until the Gingerbread War.”

He sighed. “I've never had a Christmas like this before.”

“I'm sorry.”

Levi sipped his hot chocolate. “I didn't say it was bad.”

Hange grinned and nudged his arm. She couldn't stop her heart from pounding against her ribcage. She was so excited he was there and sharing these moments with her family, almost like he was officially part it of it already. She tried to hide her grin by drinking from her mug.

* * *

Hange got a few extra sheets and blanket as Levi filled the air mattress. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it as she watched him. He didn't seem annoyed but he she felt he had to feel _some_ disappointment. He glanced over at her and held out his hand.

“I need those,” he said.

“Right...” she replied. She helped him get his bed set up before climbing into her own. She reached over to turn out the light and he gazed up at her expectantly.

“Good night, Zoë,” he said.

She swallowed. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah.”

“We can trade if you're not comfortable.”

“Shut up. I'm fine.”

“Are you...are you mad at me?”

He sat up and narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

“I”m making you go through all of this effort. I'm not even telling you why I...”

“First, setting up an air mattress is not that big of a deal. Second, do you really want to tell me why you want separate beds?” he said. She got quiet. Truth was, she really _wanted_ to tell him why. He got up and sat on her bed and cupped her cheek. “I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I guess I meant: are you _ready_ to tell me why?”

She lowered her chin and shook her head. He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“It's okay. I respect you and your need to keep things private,” he said.

“But I want you to know,” she said.

“We'll cross that bridge whenever you're comfortable, but not before. Don't rush on my account,” he said. Hange started to sniffle a little. He held her close and she cried silently into his shoulder. Truth was she wanted him to know everything. At the same time, she did not know what his reaction would be, if he'd stay with her once he knew the truth.

But for right now she had him. He rubbed his cheek against her hair and stroked her back. He dried her tears when she dared to face him.

“I”m sorry,” she mumbled, tears threatening to fall anew.

He kissed her forehead. “I hate it when you apologize for shit.”

She put her hands on either side of his face and pressed her lips against his. He grunted in surprise before wrapping his arms around her waist. She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing, her brain was in a fog of feelings. She stroked his tongue with hers and he pushed back, gently, playfully. His fists balled her shirt and he pulled her closer. She squeaked at the suddenness. As if to respond to the surprise she bit his bottom lip. He gasped and groaned softly as she raked her teeth across his skin. She pulled away and Levi allowed her the space. He was smiling faintly as he placed a few fingers on his bottom lip.

“I thought you said no biting,” he said.

She blushed. “I did. I wanted try it for myself. Sorry I didn't ask.”

“It's okay, I liked it. You can bite me if you want,” he said. Hange giggled and moved his collar aside and gently bit the base of his neck. He hummed and she suppressed a laugh as she saw his grip on the blankets.

“You can bite me too,” she whispered against his neck. This time she was unafraid to look at him.

“Good night, Levi,” she said.

“Night,” he said. Without being asked, or making assumptions, he climbed back onto the air mattress. The relief was beyond what she could describe. Someday she'd have to figure out how to verbalize to Levi just how safe he made her feel. In the meantime, she turned off the lights and went to sleep.

* * *

Hange honestly felt bad for Levi. Maybe in some of his foster homes there had been a lot of children. He knew a family of clamoring adults felt similar, but it was honestly different. She could see the look of hounded horror on his face sometimes when eating with her family. His eyes watched the food with something wild about them and once he had what he wanted, he guarded it and stuffed food in his mouth, scarcely chewing. Hange didn't want to improve his table manners exactly, but she was concerned about his level of anxiety. She put her hand on his shoulder and he slowed down a bit, almost instinctively knowing what she wanted.

“There's plenty enough to go around. I'm sure you can even get seconds,” she said. He looked at her and nodded before returning to his food. As if on cue, Sandy came up to him.

“Levi, Mommy gave me too much food. You want it?” she asked. He patted her head and dumped the contents of her plate on to his.

“Thank you,” he said. Somehow receiving table scraps from a child relaxed him enough for him to stop hunching over his plate and lean back in his chair a bit.

Levi seemed to fit in with her family almost effortlessly. After breakfast everyone got ready for the family nature walk and Rick and her father had all but officially claimed Levi as their shared walking buddy. Sandy seemed to have a random fascination with him as well, because she lingered near Levi and held his hand whenever she could.

Before long, everyone was bundled up and walking toward the cars to make their way to the nature preserve. Hange and Levi were forced apart. Shawn wanted to drive Levi and Michelle wanted to ride with Hange. Hange looked longingly at him as they drove away.

“You two are so cute,” Michelle said.

“I wouldn't describe Levi as 'cute' exactly,” Hange said. She was lying, she honestly found him oddly endearing.

“Funny for two people who stare so longingly at each other and are always finding reasons to touch each other, it's a little odd that you two won't share a bed,” Michelle said. Hange flushed bright red. “I saw the air mattress.”

Hange ran a hand through her hair. “It wasn't like I was trying to hide it or anything...”

Michelle's face seemed distant and she looked as though she were blinking back tears.

“You're still afraid aren't you?” she said.

Hange rubbed her gloved hands on her thighs. “A bit...”

“Have you told him?” Hange shook her head. “You're going to have to tell him someday.” Hange wouldn't look at Michelle. “Has he tried anything?”

“Not really. He goes as far as I let him. He stops when I ask,” Hange said.

Michelle exhaled. “Good. I think the air mattress said enough, but I had to hear it from you. You tell me the moment anything changes for the worst.”

“What if it works out for the better?” Hange asked.

“The appropriate response is 'I don't want to know.' But I'm morbidly curious. The rule is: if you won't tell Nanaba, don't tell me. Unless it's sisterly support kind of stuff.”

They pulled into the park and everyone stared to group together. Levi seemed to materialize next to her and grabbed her hand.

“I swear to god your brother hates me,” Levi said. Hange met eyes with Shawn who grinned and waved. The face and actions of a jealous, guilty man.

“Ugh...not surprised at all,” she said. “He's a little protective...”

“I would be too,” Levi said and squeezed her hand. She grinned and kissed his cheek. Michelle's oldest boy grabbed her arm and dragged her away from Levi.

“There's no mistletoe out here, don't get your love germs all over Levi,” he said. Hange had no heart to tell him it was much too late, that if love were indeed a disease as children imagined it was, she and Levi would have been deemed terminally ill months ago. Instead she waked with Michelle's daughters on the walk, while Levi walked with her father and Sandy. Sandy walked most of the way on her own, but at some point, she got tired and Levi picked her up. Sandy hugged his neck and snuggled close and Hange could tell Levi was gently rubbing her back. She fell asleep in his arms.

Levi seemed to fall right in stride with her father, they didn't stop talking the entire time, or at least whenever she laid eyes on them they were talking. Hange didn't dare get closer than she already was. She wondered what they were talking about just the same. She wondered what sort of things they'd talk about if she was engaged. She wondered what things they'd talk about if she was pregnant. She blushed and tried to ignore those feelings. How could she even think about that when she wouldn't even let him share a be with her?

“Be careful, Zozo,” River said.

“What, why?” Hange asked.

“Levi's starting to smile more than you,” she said. Hange couldn't help but smile about that.

* * *

The lightsaber tournament was always the highlight in Hange's mind. It usually lasted until about early afternoon depending on how many matches there were. If she was honest she didn't think she was a true Jedi like the rest of her family seemed to think they were. She was more of a Rebel soldier, she identified more with Wedge Antilles more than Luke Skywalker. When she woke up, Levi was awake and dressed to fight. He was already in the spirit, dressed in red with a black hoodie already pulled over his head. He was sitting cross legged on the floor with his double blade lightsaber on his lap. She laughed and swung her legs off the bed.

“Good morning,” she said. “You're up early.”

“I was excited,” he said. Of course he said this with all the enthusiasm of Levi, so Hange found him particularly hilarious. She laughed and crawled out of bed.

“I'll get dressed too. Breakfast will be interesting, I promise,” she said. She hurried up and got dressed in the bathroom. She always wore orange and white with a Rebel Alliance sweatband. She felt most comfortable with an orange lightsaber. She wouldn't be a traditional Jedi if she was one at all, so she built her own lightsaber to suit her when she was in college.

“Are you ready?” Levi asked. Hange snorted.

“The bigger question is: are _you_ ready?” she asked. “There is literally nothing I can tell you that will prepare you for this morning.”

As they walked down the stairs the Cantina Band theme was playing. Levi paused and looked back at her and she laughed. He was about to say something, but Michelle's four children ran past dressed as Jawas. He tried to speak again, when their father charged by dressed as a Sand Person and screaming just as loud.

“What the fuck...” Levi said.

Hange smacked his arm and laughed harder. “Just wait. You haven't seen anything yet.”

Levi's eyes widened as he entered the dining room. Her father was at the table in long, black robes like the Emperor. Her mother was a bit rebellious dressed as Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. Rick was dressed as Obi-wan, and both boys were dressed as Anakin, Kayden being dressed all in black. Tamaryn and Sandy were dressed as Jango and Boba Fett, their helmets were sitting right next to their plates of food. Michelle was “Empire Strikes Back” Leia and Ariana was “A New Hope” Leia. Leanne was a decidedly adorable Jabba the Hutt. It was very much a Star Wars reunion of sorts with all the children and adults running around in various forms of costume.

“Well?” Hange said. Levi smirked and sat next to Shawn. Shawn straightened up and put a hand on his head.

“I sense a disturbance in the force,” he said. “Oh, wait, it's just Levi. Hey Obi-wan, watch out for this one.”

“Duly noted,” Rick said Kayden was in awe of Levi's lightsaber.

“Can I touch it?” he asked.

“Sure. Be careful, please,” Levi said.

“Why'd you chose Darth Maul? You have a dark side you don't want to tell us about?” Shawn said.

“I do have a dark side,” Levi said. “But that's in the past. I picked Darth Maul because his weapon was similar in principle to a staff. Used to use them when I was more serious about martial arts.”

“Did this dark past include dark women?”

Hange smacked Shawn's arm.

“Ow! Okay, okay! Sorry, Levi that wasn't a question I should ask. Right now at least,” Shawn said. Hange glared and Levi shrugged and made himself a cup of tea.

“Levi, will you teach me how to use your lightsaber?” Kayden asked.

“I'll show show you something you can do with your own after the tournament,” Levi said.

“Before! Everyone else has been fighting for years. I just started fencing...” Kayden said. Levi sighed but smiled faintly.

“Sure. Let me eat first,” he said.

Hange wondered—more often than she cared to admit—where Levi's immense patience for children came from. He alluded to foster care being the reason, but most people ended up hating children and parenthood because of their experiences. She was given little time to think this over, she had to eat herself before the fighting started.

Tournament style was easy usually. Her father and mother were judges. They would assign one on one opponents for round one. The victor moved on to the next round and so forth. This continued until there was a singe winner. The prize was usually money and there was often ceremony similar to the end of Star Wars: A New Hope. Hange won a few times, much more often once her father stopped playing.

The roster of the tournament was usually random. Hange didn't know how fair it was to let Levi compete. He was far more active and trained to know how to break through other's defenses. And his style of martial arts was among the most adaptive in the world, even though he didn't train as hard as he used to. Hange predicted that his real contender would be Shawn, an active member of his fencing team. Michelle might be a challenge, but she was using weapons she wasn't familiar with. Hange accommodated her sister and built her custom lightsabers with shorter blades because she said they were closer to the hand axes she was used to. Hange didn't completely count herself out, she had been training in boxing with Nanaba for almost a year.  
  
She'd just have to see how the roster fell. First match was her and Rick. Rick was a bit of a wild card. He could either sweep her under the table or be an easy victory. He knew a lot about defense, but not much about offense. The tournament was held in Michelle's garage, which the family never actually used for cars because Chad and Michelle both used to train for reenactments. It was lined with a tapestry with their family crest, awards both of them had won, weights, practice axes and swords. The floors were cushioned. The axes and other weapons actually used for combat were stored away under lock and key.

Her parents were given two chairs on opposite sides of the room. Each match was about five minutes long. The victor was decided by how many hits were achieved, hence the reason for both judges to have different angles. If the numbers were similar enough, a vicotr would be chosen. If not, there was a rematch. Since they started this, there had only been two rematches. Not bad for a several decades old tradition.

Hange was up with Rick. Levi put his hand at the small of her back. She looked over at him and managed a small smile and nodded. It was custom to raise your lightsaber in your preferred hand to your opponent and then turn on your saber (if yours lit up of course). Hange held out hers and waited for Rick to acknowledge her in kind. Once he lifted his they both turned theirs on. Hange twirled her sword and settled into a fighting stance. Rick couldn't seem to find a position he was comfortable in.

Already Hange could see weaknesses in the stance he chose. As soon as Hange heard the gong (her mother really abused it during Christmas), she charged. Normally, Rick could avoid her pretty easily. Thanks to Nanaba's boxing training, when he side stepped out of the way, she was able to change her footing and get a hit on his side. That seemed to make him nervous, and she took advantage of his slightly lowered defenses and sneak in another hit. Hange was a bit too over confident, though. Rick managed a well placed hit as she prepared to strike again. She winced a bit, more from surprise than pain. Just a reminder to be more careful. It didnt' take long for Hange to score more points. She was definitely more of a born melee fighter than Rick. By the end of the five minutes, she scored a fair amount of points higher than him, making her the victor.

They hugged at the end and she kissed his cheek.

“If I didn't know any better I'd say you threw that match,” she said. He shook his head.

“No, I honestly had a hard time keeping away form you,” he said. Hange grinned and returned to her spot next to Levi. He put his arm around her shoulders.

“Nanaba would be proud of your foot work,” he said.

“Thanks,” she said.

“I've never seen you fight before. You're pretty good, I'm afraid for whoever faces you next.”

Next, Kayden was up for his first ever match against Ariana's husband. He looked a bit apprehensive. Sandy cheered loudly. Hange leaned over to Levi.

“So what did you show him before this?” she asked.

“Nothing special. I just told him to focus on speed and hits instead of trying to overpower your opponents,” Levi said.

“That's what Rick always told me. I'm surprised he didn't tell Kayden that,” Hange aid.

“He did. I think it's hard to trust the advice of someone who's already big enough to intimidate others,” Levi said.  
  
“It's easier to trust the word of someone who's the same height as you, through,” Hange said.

“Shut it, Four Eyes.”

She grinned and put her head on his shoulder. “I like my pocket sized boyfriend though.”

He snorted and rubbed his nose against her hair. Kayden did surprisingly well, Granted Chad was not as trained in armed combat as the rest of the family. Kayden did not show any true displays of strength, but he racked up a lot of points, earning him a comfortable victory. This earned him a nod from Levi, which made him grin from ear to ear.

“Why is he smiling like that?” Levi asked.

“Because he has your approval,” she said.

“It's not that big of a deal.”

“Yeah it is. I'm your Number One and I smile all the time.”

“Shut up,” Levi said.

“You're up next against Michelle,” she said.

He snorted and got up. Michelle got up and spun her sabers as she came to the floor.

“I've been dying to fight you since the first time we met,” Michelle said. “You've got a warrior's spirit about you.”

Levi expertly spun his saber and raised it toward her. “Oh yeah? Hope I don't disappoint.”

As soon as the gong rang, Michelle attacked relentlessly. Levi hardly seemed phased by her attacks, blocking each strike. He knew it was all about blocking the hits. Hange was on the edge of her seat (so to speak). She wondered if he'd land a hit soon.

“Damn, he's fast,” Ariana whispered. Hange had never seen Levi fight before. She knew he had to be talented, but for him to be matching Michelle blow for blow was beyond impressive. Michelle landed the first hit. Levi got one shortly after. There were seconds to spare either someone would land a hit or there would be a rematch. Quickly, deftly, without much of a fuss, Levi caught Michelle on her arm. Two hits to her one. Levi won. Michelle conceded defeat gracefully.

He sat down next to Hange, breathing hard. She nudged his arm.

“That was pretty amazing,” she said. He rolled his eyes.

“I need a minute to breathe, though. Fighting your sister was not a walk in the park,” he said.

“There's two more matches, you'll get your minute,” she said. Ariana won her match without much fanfare. Levi sighed deeply.

“You're just a family of soldiers, aren't you?” he said.

“To varying degrees, yeah,” Hange said.

There were an odd number of victors this round. Shawn raised his lightsaber before anyone could comment on it.

“I propose that I take two opponents on the condition that I be allowed to choose which two,” he said.

Hange's father nodded. “Does everyone else agree to these terms.”

Hange and Levi exchanged glances. He would definitely pick the two of them just to prove a point, but they agreed. Shawn swung his lightsaber.

“I choose Kayden and Ariana,” he said. That meant Hange's next match was against Levi. She was honestly a bit excited. She got up and all but ran to the floor. Levi was much slower.

“No pressure. Just dueling my Number One in mortal combat in front of her family,” he said.

Hange laughed. “Don't hold back.”

He smirked. “I won't.”

Her mother struck the gong, but neither of them moved right away. It was a bit of a challenge. She knew Levi well, but she didn't know how he fought, or how he'd fight against her. She had crouched into her fighting position and he was ready as well. The sound of the gong was starting to fade, someone had to make a move. She couldn't wait and struck first. It was expertly blocked and followed up by an attempted blow to her side, which she barely dodged. They separated for a moment, as if to readjust and assess the past few blows. Levi was highly agile and strong. Her only bet would be to cause him to lose his balance and she might land a hit. They exchanged a few blows, but she kept her eyes open for an opportunity to disorient him.

He gave her no opening and in her distraction, he managed a hit on her shoulder. It was a bit harder than she expected.

“Sorry,” he said. She shook her head and managed a few more parries to keep him on his toes. She lunged for him and he leaned backward to avoid her saber. She hooked her leg behind one of his and swept him off his feet. She put her knee his shoulder and almost got her hit in time. She tapped his forehead just after the timer went off.

“Damn it!” she shouted.

“Zozo cursed, Mom!” Shawn cried.

“Sorry...” Hange said.

“Not bad, Shi—Four Eyes,” he said.

She snorted and shook her head. “I was doomed from the start.”

They sat down together and Michelle handed them each a bottle of water. Shawn was up next against Ariana and Kayden. He was literally on fire. Hange was actually glad she didn't have to face him and Levi at the same time. It was amazing, how he could deflect and attack with such ease, and he had only one sword. He had broken into a light sweat before the match was over, but he had definitely won. He looked at Levi when he finished.

“You're going down, Ackerman,” he said. “Gotta avenge my Zozo.”

They were given a few minutes. But the tournament resumed. Levi and Shawn barely cracked a smile as they faced off. The gong had scarcely gone off before they began exchanged blows. Hange was literally blown away. Shawn and Levi were nearly matched in skill, neither of them landed a single hit on each other. It looked as though they would have to have a rematch, but just as the five minutes were up, Shawn struck Levi's lightsaber right on the handle. Time was called. They were both drenched in sweat and Shawn glared at him.

“Looks like it's a rematch,” he said.

“I lost,” Levi said. Shawn blinked rapidly and shook his head.

“I didn't land a hit,” he said.

“You didn't. But had this been actual lightsabers, you would have sliced mine clean in half and beat me for sure,” Levi said.

Shawn looked to his parents. “I don't like the idea of winning on a technicality.”

“Yes, but remember the tournament of '98,” his father said.

Shawn groaned. “Fine. I win. But next year, we have a rematch, Ackerman.”

“Most people would be happy to win,” Levi said.

“I want a real victory,” Shawn said. Levi smirked and punched his arm. And for the first time, Shawn actually smiled back and put his arm around Levi. Hange ran over and hugged them both.

“Well, everyone get showered and put on your sweaters! Gingerbread has to be made and the war will happen after dinner,” Hange's mother said.

As they filed out, Levi slipped his hand into Hange's. She grinned at him and a faint smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. She liked seeing Levi so happy.

“I'll train harder for next year,” she said.

He shook his head and squeezed her hand. “Yeah.”

* * *

Hange dangled her hand over the side of the bed. She didn't know why she couldn't bring herself to just hold Levi's hand. He was sleeping after all, nothing would really happen. What she didn't expect was to wake up holding his hand. She looked down at him. He casually glanced at her and raised his eyebrows but didn't smile.

“You ready?” he asked. She nodded. “Then let's go.”

They walked down the stairs to the Christmas tree hand in hand. The children were already screaming and tearing paper. Levi and Hange found a safe spot on the carpet. She rested her head on his shoulder. Hange's mother grinned and handed Levi his present.

“Somehow Santa always knows to deliver at our house for you,” she said with a wink.

“I noticed,” Levi said. Hange hugged his arm as he carefully undid the wrapping. “Another mysterious wooden box. I wonder what—”

He trailed off as he flipped it open. A tea set. He ran his fingers over the elegant black and cream ceramic. The design was sleek and modern with a touch of classic.

“Do you like it?” she asked. His silence worried her. He nodded and kissed her cheek. He continued to turn over every piece without a word.

“Levi can we have a tea party?” Sandy asked as she came over with her fire truck.

“Yeah...maybe later,” Levi said absently. He slowly came back to the here and now. He squeezed Hange's hand. “I couldn't wrap your gift Hange. So I had this video made.”

He handed her his phone. He pulled up a video. Nanaba was holding Clorox as she walked in her backyard.

“So Levi told us that you two hop the fence to see each other,” Mike said. He was obviously one filming. “We both agreed that's not safe. So while you were away, Nanaba and I put this in your yard.”

Nanaba approached the fence and Hange noticed: a gate had been installed. Nanaba swung it open. Hange hugged Levi tightly and he grunted. She kept her eyes on the video.

“Merry Christmas, Zoë and Levi,” Mike said. He moved so he could get in the shot with Nanaba and Clorox. Hange squeezed him even tighter when the video ended.

“Thank you so much! I _love_ it!” she cried.

“No screaming, Zozo!” her mother said. No sooner had Hange put Levi's phone down, it began to ring. Erwin.

“Pick it up!” Hange said and handed it to him.

“I'm going to take this in another room,” he said. He grabbed her hand and they went to sit on the stairwell. Hange hugged his arm.

“Yeah, Erwin?” he said. Hange couldn't really hear what Erwin said in response. “Ugh, right. Merry Christmas. What do you want?” Hange watched as Levi's eyes widened. “You what?” Hange looked up as Levi started to smirk. He glanced down at her. “He proposed to Marie.”

Hange squealed. “And what did she say?”

Levi was silent again. He stopped smirking. “She's what?” Levi put a hand to his forehead. Hange placed a hand on his shoulder in concern, but then he started to laugh. Honest and truly laugh. She was too dumbfounded to react. Levi's voice was usually gruff and a bit deep, so for his laugh to be so light and almost bubbly, it honestly terrified her a bit, but also made her heart beat a little faster. When he finally regained his composure, he held her hand. He looked at her with an unguarded grin. “She said yes and she's pregnant,” he said. Hange grinned and snatched the phone away from Levi.

“Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!” she said.

“Thank you, Hange. Has Levi stopped laughing yet?” Erwin said.

“Ah...he just started again,” she said.

“Tell him he's an idiot and my best man and we'll talk more when we get home.”

“I will.”

“Merry Christmas, Hange.”

“Merry Christmas, Erwin.”

They hung up, Levi finally stopped laughing and put his head on her lap.

“Erwin and his perfect Stepford children.”

“I'll bet they'll be cute and love you,” Hange said. Levi snorted.

“Our kids will be cuter,” he said softly. She looked down at him in shock, but he didn't look at her. Her face flushed red, and she thought her heart would explode, it was beating so fast. There were so many questions she could have asked him. Instead she smoothed his hair.

“You're probably right,” she said.

“I know I am.”

* * *

Hange didn't know why she woke up in the middle of the night, but she did. She sat up and noticed Levi curled up on the air mattress. She rubbed his shoulder and he curled up tighter. She climbed off the bed and and sat on the mattress and kissed his cheek. He hissed as though he'd been hurt. She ran her hand down his arm and discovered he was cradling his tea set. She tried to hold his hand, but he wouldn't move his arms.

“I can't let it go,” he said.

“It's not going anywhere,” she said.

“I don't want to lose you.”

“I'm not in that box.”

He was quiet, and he slowly opened his eyes. He didn't turn to face her, but he seemed to loosen up a tiny bit.

“I was in a foster home. There were two kids, a boy and a girl. They were a bit annoying, but I liked them. I used to read them stories and play with them and stuff. They found out Christmas was my birthday. So they worked for the old lady who lived next to us, vacuuming and dusting in exchange for an old tea set she wasn't using. They gave it to me. It was the nicest present I'd ever gotten,” he said. She lay on her side and curled around him. He sighed and relaxed a bit more. She put her arm around his waist. “There was a fire that night. I got them immediately, I didn't think twice about it. But there were others who didn't get out so I decided to go back in and try and help them. The fire department wasn't there yet. I told them to stay put. But when I got back they were gone...” He paused and pressed a hand over his eyes. “They went back inside to get my tea set. They died. No one could get to them in time, the flames were too strong. The firefighters managed to salvage one cup. It took me months to even bring myself to use it. And when I tried to drink out of it the handle broke. Good god, those kids died on my birthday.” He was shaking and Hange squeezed him.

“Give me the box,” she said. He removed his arms and she took the box from him and put it on her bed. She climbed over him and put his arms around her. He buried his face in her chest and squeezed her tight.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

She rubbed his back. “Don't apologize for shit.”

“You don't want to share a bed.”

“I am choosing to comfort you.”

“I...I really need this...” He was silent, but Hange felt the tears soak through her shirt. His hands pressed against her back.

“I'm right here,” she said, blinking back her own tears. How long had Levi suffered with this guilt? The idea that two children died because of him? Every year he got older was a year that those children never got to live.

“They desperately wanted you to be happy,” Hange said.

“If you want me to be happy tonight...” Hange held her breath, afraid of what he might ask. “Please, don't leave me. I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable but I need you so much.”

The request was so plaintive and so soft, it broke her heart. All he wanted was honest comfort but he still respected her boundaries. She was still a little mistrustful after all these years. He deserved better than this, to be settling for cuddling if he wanted or needed more. Her heart raced. She knew she wasn't ready, but if he needed comfort sex, she'd try.

“Hey, Levi?” she said, her voice shaky. He didn't answer. She smoothed his hair and looked down at his face. Fast asleep. She sighed in relief and kissed his forehead. He mumbled something in his sleep and nuzzled against her chest again. She rubbed his back and let her legs tangle with his. She would not let him go tonight.

* * *

 

Hange woke up, very aware that she was not in her bed and of Levi's body pressed against her back. She rolled over so she could face him.

“Morning,” she said.

He gave her a listless smile. “Your breath reeks.”

She inched closer. “You know you like it.”

He draped his arm over her. “Shut up.”

She rubbed her nose on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

She swallowed and bit her lip. Was he disappointed that nothing happened? He didn't _seem_ like he was.

“Is this all you want?” she asked.

He was silent for a while. “What do you mean?”

“Did you...did you just want me to hold you? Did you want something more?”

He closed his eyes. Hange felt a lump in her throat. Did she not do enough for him?

“I don't know what else I could have asked for,” he said. “I wanted to be with you and you were there. What else could you have done?”

Hange stroked his cheek while blinking back a few tears. She gently touched her lips against his and he leaned into kiss, cupping her cheek. When he finally pulled away, she ached for more.

“I'm going to help make breakfast,” he said. “I'll call you when it's ready.” He got up and slid out of bed. He paused at the doorway. “And...thank you.”

She watched him leave and huddled under the covers. He was willing to accept whatever affection she offered. Levi did not deserve to take scraps. Hange honestly _wanted_ to put herself in his hands. He was showing that he trusted her with his feelings, and she knew that was something that was hard for him. She had to show the same trust with something she had trouble with: her body.

Hange curled up in a ball to try and hide herself. She wanted to trust him. If she was honest, she felt an attraction for him she hadn't felt in a long time. She determined that she wouldn't fail him, she'd force herself to give him more.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange attends a New Year's party on her own...in Levi's sweater.

Levi sniffled all the way home from Christmas with Hange's family. He also slept most of the way back and when he was awake, he grumbled about being cold. So it was no surprise to Hange when he called her one morning and sneezed into the phone.

“I think I'm sick,” he said.

“Poor baby!” she said.

“Don't say shit like that, I hate it.”

“Do you want me to come over and be your doctor?” she asked.

“Hell no. Stay away from me,” he said.

Hange pouted. “Do you want me to make you breakfast at least?”

“I want you to stay out of my house. You're not catching my cold,” he said.

“What if I don't care if I get sick?”

“Just stay out!”

She sighed. “Fine. But you'll never get better in time for Erwin's party! It's only two days away.”

“I know. I told him I wasn't coming.”

“Aw, I wanted to see Marie...”

“I said _I'm_ not going. You should definitely go,” Levi said.

“That sounds like a plan! Can I pretend to be you at the party?”

“No. Be yourself, more people like you.”

“Oh, Levi, you beautiful, glorious sunfish. You have no idea how amazing you are. Can I at least do my impression of you?”

Levi groaned. “I can't stop you, so do whatever you want.”

“Okay! Feel better! I'll stop by later.”

“I said don't come over! Please call me though.”

“All right, love you,” she said.

“Please call me.”

“All right, all right! Talk to you later!”

Hange reluctantly hung up the phone. Work was closed, she had just seen her family, Mike and Nanaba were away. She eyed the new Gundam series Levi let her borrow and thought of all the unplayed video games upstairs in her room. Clorox climbed on her lap and she hugged him.

“All right, pirate kitty, let's be huge nerds without Levi,” she said. Hange carried him to the living room with the DVDs. It was nice to have a little time apart.

* * *

Hange was not bored. She wasn't exactly lonely. She didn't exactly miss Levi. Not in the least. But by the time the day of the New Year's party rolled around she wanted more than her to just hear Levi's voice over the phone. He absolutely refused to let her even set a foot in his house and she was trying so hard to listen. But she had nothing but phone calls for the past two days. It wasn't like he was on a long distance trip, or anything, he just had a cold and was literally a few yards away. She felt it was ridiculous. The party wouldn't start for another few hours. She trudged out to the backyard and threw snowballs at Levi's window. He appeared and glared at her before opening it.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.

“Summoning my boyfriend,” she said.

“I'm still sick,” he said.

“I just wanted to see your face.”

He paused. Hange could see him sigh and he leaned on the windowsill. “What would you do if I lived far away?”

“I'd learn to deal with it, but this is different. You're literally right here. I want to be with you! Let me inside!”

“You're not getting sick!”

“We can be sick together!”

“I don't like seeing you sick!”

“Who cares! It's just a cold, I'll get better!”

“Zoë, I said no! Besides, you're not taking your germs to the party.”

“Fine. I'm building you a snow family out here. All the children will be snow cats, is that okay?”

“That's perfect,” he said. He closed the window. Hange worked on making the perfect snow family. Two adorable cat parents, one was small and grumpy, and three adorable snow cats. Levi opened the downstairs window.

“The smaller snowperson wants to know why all the snow cats are with the taller one,” he asked.

“Because the taller snow person needs more affection at the moment,” Hange said.

“You can't possibly think that I'm staying away because I don't love you.”

“N-no! I just...kind of miss you is all,” she said. She flushed a bit. She hated admitting it, but she really _did_ miss him.

“Come to the sliding doors,” he said.

She trudged over and he was already waiting for her in his robe and pajamas. He was a bit paler than usual, which worried her. He put his hand on the glass and she put her glove against it. Hange smiled. He tapped the glass. She didn't know how she understood to kiss him through the glass, but she did. She touched her lips against the cold surface. It probably would kill him for her to leave her lip print on his glass doors, but he did ask her to this. She pressed her forehead against the smooth surface when he pulled away. She missed the feel of his lips so much.

“Call me,” he said as he walked away. She nodded. She knew she was being unreasonable, he was perfectly composed about this. She took heart. There were still videos games to be played before she went to the party.

* * *

Levi called her before she left.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Just about,” she said.

“What are you wearing?” he asked.

“Some nice jeans and a sweater,” she said.

“Which sweater?”

“I don't know, it has black and grey stripes with solid black sleeves. The sleeves are a bit short, so I have another shirt on underneath it. I don't remember ever wearing this, so I thought I should.”

“You don't remember wearing it because it's mine,” Levi said.

“Really? That would explain a lot...should I change?”

“Send me a picture.” One awkward selfie later, Levi called her back. “Don't change. Wear it. You look cute.”

“Come here and say that to my face,” said.

“Hange...” he said.

“Fine, fine. I'll call you when I'm on my way home,” she said.

“You'd better,” he said.

Hange drove to Erwin's house. She was instructed by Levi to pick up a cake on the way since he did not feel well enough to bake. Marie met her at the door.

“Congratulations,” Hange said as she gave her a hug (as well as she could manage with the cake in her arms).

“Thank you,” Marie said. “Shoes off. Erwin doesn't like shoes in the house.”

“No wonder he and Levi chose to be roommates. He's the same way,” Hange said.

“Those two...” Marie said. “I'm going to apologize ahead of time, Erwin is dead set on this wedding being perfect. Levi's going to be very busy.”

“Don't you worry. If Levi can do something so _you_ won't be stressed, I'll gladly lend him out,” Hange said.

The two of them joined the other guests. It was mostly people from the neighborhood. Hange swore if Erwin ever ran for public office, he had everyones's vote pre-secured She grabbed a plate and a drink and found her place between Oluo and Petra.

“So where's Levi?” Oluo asked.

“Sick,” Hange said.

“Oh, tell him we hope he feels better,” Petra said.

“Are you wearing his sweater in his honor, then?” Oluo said.

Hange blinked rapidly. “You could tell this was his sweater?”

“Oluo knows _everything_ in Levi's wardrobe,” Petra said. Hange grinned.

“Impressive!”

“I-I just like his style!” Oluo said.

The night was low key, rather uneventful. Hange enjoyed talking with her neighbors. She just missed one in particular. Before she could descend down the path of being a total downer, Erwin came to her side.

“Sorry I didn't get to talk to you sooner. How's Levi?” he asked.

“Still sick. He wouldn't even let me in his house,” she said.

“I figured as much,” he said. “Whenever he got sick when we were roommates he'd lock himself up in his room for days.”

Hange laughed. “He hasn't changed much.”

“He's the same in all the right ways, but he's different since you've come into his life.”

“Yeah?” she said.

Erwin nodded. “It's a half hour until midnight. Go to him.”

“What?”

“It's written all over your face. Go to him. I'm almost sure he wants to be with you right now,” he said. A smile slowly spread across Hange's face. She hugged him.

“Happy New Year Erwin,” she said. She wasted no time in returning home. Not to her house, though. She entered Levi's house through the back door. She knew where he'd be. He was on his couch watching the New Year's Countdown in Times Square with Windex and Lysol on either side of him. He looked up at her in shock.

“Hange! Get out!” he said.

She shook her head. “No. I miss you.”

He was clearly annoyed and but he sighed. “Fine. Just don't sit next to me.”

Hange sat in the armchair not too far from him and Windex walked over to her and curled up in her lap.

“How was the party?” he asked.

“It was very nice. Everyone asked about you.”

“Really?”

“Really. People like you, Levi.” He was quiet as he rubbed Lysol's fur. Hange hugged Windex as she leaned on the arm of her chair and stared at Levi. He glanced at her and looked away as he narrowed his eyes.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” he asked.

“I don't know,” she said softly.

“Stop it.” She giggled and he shot her a glare. He pursed his lips. “You want a drink?”

“I want to hold your hand.”

“No.”

She groaned and slid out of the chair and onto the floor. She lay there for a little bit, Windex pressing her paws into her side.

“It's one minute to midnight,” he said. She only rolled over and groaned more. “Fine. You can sit next to me if you want.”

She squealed and hopped on the couch. “You know the best way to get rid of a cold is to give it to someone.”

Levi turned to her just as the ten second countdown began. She leaned in closer.

“Zoë...no...” he said. She ran a hand up his neck and he snapped his eyes shut and leaned into her touch. She knew he couldn't resist that, especially if he wanted it. Midnight struck, but neither of them saw the fireworks or the confetti on the television screen. She moved closer to him, but he drew back. “No, I don't want yo—”

Before he could get his whole sentence out, he sneezed right in her face. She laughed and he got two tissues. He wiped his nose and she wiped her glasses.

“Now I'm definitely going to be sick,” she said.

“Go home and wash up immediately,” he said.

“No, I'm going to be sick now. So it doesn't matter if you kiss me,” she said. She pushed him down on the couch and lay on top of him. “I want my first kiss of the new year.”

He smirked. “Do you really?”

“Ye—!”

He silenced her with a deep, open mouth kiss. He didn't kiss her long, he pulled away for air, his nose was still stuffy after all, but his heavy breathing almost made it all the more sensual. Because he was the one who was having breathing issues, she let him determine the pace of the kiss, when they pulled away for air and such. When he finally needed to stop, she pressed kisses against his neck. His hands rested at the small of her back.

“I missed you. I'm sorry I'm being a big baby,” she said.

“I missed you too. I'm not taking care of you when you get sick,” he said.

“Okay.”

He kissed the top of her head. “You going home?”

“In a minute.”

“You can stay if you'd like. If you feel comfortable.” She snuggled against his chest. “I don't have as many spare rooms as you, but I do have at least one. Want to borrow pajamas?”

“I'll stay in the spare room and wear your fancy pajamas too,” she said.

They both went upstairs hand in hand, the cats trailing behind them.

“Happy New Year, Short Ass,” she said.

Levi kissed her hand. “Happy New Year, Shitty Glasses.”

* * *

Hange was curled up under her blankets and she shivered. The past few days had been miserable. Somehow, her cold was a touch more severe than Levi's had been, and she was running a bit of a fever and had chills. Clorox lingered near her the entire time, but he was not the only companion she had. Levi knocked on her door.

“I don't know why you're knocking. Just come in,” she said. He entered with a tray of food and set it down on her side table. He sat on her bed and pressed the back of his hand against her forehead.

“You're still burning up. Did you take your temperature?” he said.

“Yeah, I'm down to an even 100 degrees.”

“Well at least it's going down. Please eat something.”

“Okay.” He brushed the hair away from her face. She smirked. “I thought you weren't taking care of me when I got sick.”

He snorted. “Shut up, Shitty Glasses.”

“If you kiss me, I'll feel better.”

“No, Zoë. You're really gross right now. I don't know how you kissed me when I had a cold, I was literally snotty,” he said.

“You know you like it.”

“No, this time I really don't.” Hange whimpered and he stroked her cheek. “I'm only taking care of you so you'll get better faster and I don't have to see you like this.”

She sighed. “It's almost like you like me or something.”

He held up a cracker to her mouth. “Eat it.”

She took a bite.

“I'm going to go clean. After you eat, you will take a shower, all right?”

“You always make me shower whenever I'm sick.”

“Just do it.”

She sighed. “Fine. I don't want you to dump me in the bath again.”

He left the room and she started to nibble at her food. Levi was so good to her, she hoped she was doing enough for him. She glanced at the door and ate a spoonful of soup.

It was a new year, there were so many untold ways to make him understand how important he was to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter was done faster because it was much shorter.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange helps out her ailing neighbor and his grandson.

Hange was in her office reviewing her notes from an experiment when her phone rang. She was hoping it wasn't her research director again, she didn't like answering his tedious questions. She groaned and answered.

“Dr. Hange, how can I help you?” she said.

“Hange, it's been a while,” the voice on the other line said.

“Grisha! It has been a while. I see your son more than I see you. To what do I owe this call?” she said.

“It's actually about our neighbors, the Arlerts.”

“Oh, yes. Simon hasn't been doing well, has he?” she said.

“No. In fact to be able to pay the medical bills, he had to sell the house. They thought it would be a while until they found a buyer, but they found someone to buy in mid December and they'll be moving in a week.”

“Wow. It's rare someone wants to move in the winter,” Hange said.

“I know. Bottom line is: Simon has tried to find a new place for himself and Armin, but nothing's worked out. We just don't have the room for the two of them and I was wondering if you knew any place they could stay.”

“They could stay with me. I have a fully furnished basement with two bedrooms, a bathroom, a sitting area and a separate entrance. It's only missing a kitchen, but we can share mine.”

“Hange, that is a lot.”

“Not really. I grew up with seven people in my family. An elderly man and his grandson is nothing,” she said.

“Well, if they're willing, I'll have them call you directly.”

They bid each other good bye and hung up. Hange finished her work and headed home thinking of all sorts of different things she had to do to get ready for their arrival. As she got in her car, she decided she would have to ask Levi for help. As she arrived home, she saw he had not gotten back yet. She went to her house and dropped her things while dialing Levi.

“Hey, you,” he said when he finally picked up.

“Levi, I have something to tell you.”

“This sounds serious.”

“Um...not really, I just found out that the Arlerts are leaving their house and have no place to stay.”

“Eren's friend. You offered them your house, right?”

“Of course.”

“You need help?”

“Maybe with the move. You're not upset or anything are you?”

“No, why?”

“Maybe having them around might make things harder for us.”

“Not really. If we want private time you can come to my house. Where are they staying?”

“In the basement.”

“Oh. Then what's the issue? We'll be fine. Let me know how I can help.”

“All right. Bye,” she said. Hange grinned as she hung up. She was more than happy to help out and she was glad to have Levi's support. Clorox meowed as she walked toward her room. She picked him up. “We're going to have new roommates.” He rested his head on her shoulder. “You'll probably love them.”

* * *

The Jaegers and the Ackermans helped with the move. Hange had this sneaking suspicion Levi was related to the Ackermans but he never said anything and they didn't really have dealings with each other. She didn't press him. They arrived in a car and an SUV. Hange and Levi were waiting for them on the front porch. She ran over and hugged Mr. Arlert.

“Welcome to your new home. I want you to keep my cat busy while we move. He needs someone to interact with or he'll just be under foot,” she said. “Just sit and cuddle with him, he'll be occupied for hours, trust me.”

He laughed. “You can count on me.”

She showed him inside and sat him with Clorox, who jumped on his lap and began to purr almost instantly. When she went back outside, Levi was already giving everyone instructions. Eren watched Levi intently, he was trying to keep a straight, serious face, but the traces of a smile lingered. He was just so happy to be able to work with Levi. Armin on the other hand looked tired. His blue eyes seemed to be unfocused. Hange decided to keep an eye on him.

There wasn't a lot of stuff to move. They basically sold or donated a lot of things in a hurry, they were down to very bare bones of clothes, medication, a few boxes of photos, whatever Armin needed for school and a few essentials for hygiene. Armin was lugging a box and Hange noted that it might be a touch too heavy for him. Before she could take it from him, Mikasa swooped in and grabbed it. Armin's arms stayed frozen in place before they fell lifelessly to his sides. Hange came over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and she could tell for a few moments he didn't even recognize her.

“Levi made ziti for dinner. Do you want to help me put it the oven and set the dining room table?” she asked.

“All right,” he said. She put her arm around his shoulders and they went to the kitchen. She gave him some plates and sent him to the dining room. Just as she put the ziti in to bake, she heard the sound of glass breaking. She ran into the dining room. Armin had dropped a plate and he stood stock still, his hand shaking.

“I-I'm sorry,” he said.

“It's fine. Just a plate. I have a lot,” she said.

“I can replace it...”

She shook her head. “There's plenty of plates. Don't worry, this is a laid back house. I'll get another plate, the cups and silverware and we can finish together, okay?”

He nodded. They finished setting the table, dinner was done baking. Everyone gathered to eat. All the while Armin looked ready to fall asleep. When the others left, Mr. Arlert took Hange aside.

“Let's talk business, Dr. Hange,” he said. Hange saw Armin stiffen out of the corner or her eye. Armin was going to force himself to stay up and hear the terms of their stay. She shook her head.

“Tomorrow. Let's talk tomorrow. We need to rest for today,” she said.

Mr. Arlert smiled. “All right then.”

Armin relaxed and then went downstairs.

* * *

Armin slept most of the weekend. It honestly worried Hange a little bit. But whenever Levi left food, she always set some aside for Armin and put his name on it in the refrigerator. When she woke up, all of the food with his name was gone. He was at least eating. When Monday rolled around, she was in a bit of a hurry. She heard her phone chime. Levi.

“I made you breakfast. Mr. Arlert is already here. Bring Armin,” he said. Hange grinned and finished getting ready for the day. With her backpack slung over her shoulder she started for the basement door, but stopped when she heard someone in the kitchen. She poked her head inside. Armin was there, with his own backpack, sitting on the floor with Clorox. He was smiling absently as he stroked the cat's fur. Clorox seemed torn between eating and curling up with Armin.

“Good morning!” Hange said. He jumped as though he'd been caught stealing from her. He briefly made eye contact before looking down and picking up his bag.

“G-good morning, Dr. Hange,” he said.

“Zoë is fine.”

“Good morning Dr. Zoë. I mean Hange. I mean...”

“Whatever you call me is fine, I just want you to know that you can call me Zoë if you want.”

He glanced at her again before turning his eyes back to the floor. “Yeah.”

“Levi made breakfast for us. Your grandfather is already there. Do you want to join us?”  
  
“If you want me to,” he said. She held out her arm and put it around his shoulders as they headed outside. Clorox followed them and she picked him up.

“We'll visit our friends,” she said. “Do you want to hold him?”

She held him out to Armin. Armin said nothing, but took Clorox in his arms and held him. She opened the gate and allowed him to go through first. Levi opened the door.

“Come on you two. Food's getting cold,” he said. When they entered Windex ran right up to them.

“Oh, here's your friend,” Armin said and put Clorox down. Clorox rubbed against Windex, but she hit him and he scurried away to Lysol, who received him warmly. Windex rubbed her body on Hange's leg, but followed Armin to the table. Hange laughed.

“Looks like Windex has a new lover,” she said.

“Oh...um...sorry,” Armin said. Hange noted that his head had remained slightly bowed. Windex crawled in his lap and he tried to push her off. She would not be moved.

“Don't bother. Once she loves you, you're done,” he said. He tried to ignore her, but she meowed loudly. A faint smile crossed his features.

“She's cute,” he said. Levi said nothing as he put food on Armin's plate.

“There's plenty. Eat a lot,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” he said. All of them froze when he said it. There was something familiar, yet haunting about him saying that to Levi. “I-I'm sorry. I think I said something wrong...”

“You call me Levi or nothing,” Levi said.

“Yes, s—I mean, Levi.”

He poured Armin a cup of tea without even asking if he wanted any. Hange tried not to stare at Armin, but she was a bit worried about him. He drank all his tea but scarcely ate, barely spoke to his grandfather, said nothing but “please” and “thank you” to Levi, and nothing to her. She didn't need him to be open and gushing about everything, but she wanted him to be comfortable at least.

“I'm going to drive you to school, is that okay?” she asked.

“Sure,” Armin said. The two of them started to head out.

“Hey,” Levi said when they almost reached the door. Armin flinched. “I made you two lunch.”

Levi handed Armin a brown paper bag, but Hange had a lunchbox all her own.

“Thank you,” Armin said.

“Yeah,” Levi said. Hange opened the door and Armin went out. She tossed him the keys.

“Start the car, I'll be there in a minute,” she said. He tried to catch them, but didn't quite make it.

“I'm sorry...” he said.

“Don't worry,” Hange said. Levi grabbed her and pulled her into the house for a quick kiss.

“He's a nervous wreck,” Levi said.

“Poor thing.”

“It's only been a few days. He's been through a lot and is going to go through a lot more.”

Hange sighed. “I'll just focus on getting him to school for right now.”

She got into the car and Armin was sitting very still and very compact as though he didn't want to touch anything. They started on their way.

“Do you want to listen to music?” she asked. He shook his head. There was a bit of silence. “You know, Erwin has all sorts of good things to say about you.”

Armin actually looked at her directly for a little bit before he looked back down at his shoes.

“What did he say?” he asked.

“How smart you are. Your Mathlete Trophy. You're president of the chess club—”

“Did he tell you how many times I've lost the state science fair?”

“No.”

“I'm not as brilliant as he thinks.”

“Armin, you're very bright, I can tell.” He sighed. “I um...I notice you have a bit of an accent.”

“I lived in Australia until I was ten. I thought I'd gotten rid of it.”

“Don't try to! It's very nice.”

Armin grimaced. They rode in silence until they came to the school.

“Do you want me to pick you up?” she asked. He shook his head.

“I have chess club this afternoon. I'll just hold you up,” he said.

“No, call either me or Levi. Did you put our numbers in your phone?” she asked.

“I did.”

“Levi's having dinner with us tonight. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

“All right. Have a good day!” she said. He paused before he closed the door. He managed a bit of a smile.

“You too, Dr. Zoë. I mean...sorry...”

“It's fine, Armin. Don't apologize for every little thing. We're all learning in this new situation,” she said. He nodded, closed the door and waved good bye. Hange drove off. She didn't break his walls, but she was glad he opened up a little bit.

* * *

Armin was very much like a skittish cat. While Mr. Arlert would have tea with Levi, and watch the news or documentaries with Hange, Armin would enter the basement apartment through the outside entrance and stay there like it was his prison until dinner time, help clean up and return. Levi made him lunch every day. Armin said nothing about this at first, except confused a confused “thank you” when he received it. Friday evening, they sat down to dinner. Hange was trying to hide her worry over Armin, but it was failing. Armin wasn't eating much when they were around, and saying even less. She was about to forcibly initiate the typical stilted conversation when Armin cleared his throat.

“Um...Levi?” he said. His eyes never left his plate.

“Yeah?” Levi replied. He glanced at Armin for a moment before also looking at his plate. Hange might have died laughing at the sight of two socially awkward and shy people trying to interact.

“Eren is jealous of all my lunches,” he said.

Levi snorted. “Really?”

“Yeah. He makes sure I eat it all.”

“Do you like my lunches?”

“Yeah. I do,” Armin said. He finally looked up and made eye contact with Levi. “Thanks a lot.”

Levi smirked and tousled Armin's hair. “No problem kid. I'll make you more.”

Mr. Arlert and Hange exchanged glances and smiled.

* * *

Saturday morning was usually when Hange did her laundry. She stumbled over to her laundry room upstairs in a ratty sweatshirt and her basket under her arm. She opened the door the laundry room and Armin froze when he met eyes with her. She smiled.

“Good morning!” she said.

“I-I'll be out of your way!” he said.

“No, it's okay! Do you want to fold clothes with me?” she said.

“All right,” Armin said.

“Wait a minute, I'm going to separate my clothes. Do you have a load in already?”

“I do, sor—”

She put her laundry basket down and put her hands on his shoulder. “You don't have to apologize for everything. If something is a problem, I'll tell you and you can apologize then. You're just fine.”

He nodded. “May I help you sort your clothes?”

“Please?” Together it was short work. “So is it easier to fold up here or in the basement or what?”

“I was folding up here. I wasn't sure if I was allowed in the living room,” he said.

She picked up his laundry basket. “Of course you are. Come on.” She noticed his Gameboy sitting on top of his clothes. “I haven't seen one of those in a long time.”

Armin grabbed it and put it in his pocket. “Just ah...playing old school Pokemon is all.”

“Oh? Have you played any of the new games?” she asked.

“Yeah, I was. Um...I mean I have.”

“No, what do you mean you _were_ playing the new games?”

“I uh...lost my DS and the games.”

She sensed this was something that was making him uncomfortable.

“I'm more of a stationary console person,” she said. “I have a whole bunch of consoles set up in my room.”

“Really?” he said.

“Yeah. If you want to play, I can have them set up down here so you don't have to feel uncomfortable.”

His grin was bright for a moment, but it faded just a bit. “No, no. I need to focus on school.”

She put the laundry basket down in the living room and they started to fold together.

“I'm very glad that you're so dedicated to your schooling, but a little break with something you like won't hurt,” she said.

“Grandpa being sick has really put things in perspective for me. I need to really be more responsible. And...I don't know. He's relying on me. I can't show signs of weakness. Who cares if I lose a bunch of things, y'know. Who cares if...we lost everything...” he paused and tried to blink back tears. “It's just things. Just the house I spent the past six years in. And all the books I loved reading. And even our car that just made things easier. I used to drive him to the doctor and now I can't. So in the end who cares if I can't play my dumb games?” Hange hugged him and he squeezed her tightly as he started to sob. “They're just things. I have Grandpa so why does it hurt?”

Hange rubbed his back. “This is not the life you're used to. I want to make it easier for you. Levi's here to help too. We're going to help you and your grandpa, Armin.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much...”

But he couldn't stop crying. In the end, he fell asleep on her lap. Mr. Arlert came up the stairs and smiled thoughtfully when he saw the scene. He smoothed Armin's hair.

“Poor child. He's always losing everything and everyone around him,” he said. Hange sighed and rubbed his shoulder. Mr. Arlert started to fold the clothes that Armin hadn't finished. The back door opened and Clorox meowed as Levi entered. He grimaced when he saw the scene in the living room.

“How is he?” Levi asked.

“Cried himself to sleep,” she said.

“Hm. I'll take him downstairs so he can rest properly,” he said. Without much trouble, he scooped Armin up and Hange followed him.

“I'll open the door for you,” she said. The two of them went downstairs to Armin's room and tucked him in. Hange found Levi's hand and entwined her fingers. “I wish I could do more for him. He's already lost so much...”

“You're doing what you can,” Levi said.

Hange squeezed his hand. “But is it enough?”

“It's huge.”

Hange didn't agree. When they returned upstairs she joined Mr. Arlert in folding clothes. “Simon, do you think you'd recognize Armin's games if we went to the store together?”

* * *

It took barely a few days to get everything together. Armin's friends and classmates had an outpouring of support. She was not only able to replace the games, books and movies, she was able fully redecorate his basement room into something more comfortable. The mayor's daughter, Historia donated a brand new laptop. When she gave it to Hange she just smiled and said:

“Armin knows what this is actually for.”

Saturday morning, Levi drove Armin and his grandfather to the doctor's office. It was sad and somber business, but Levi took on the responsibility. Once they were gone, Hange had some of Armin's friends came by to move furniture. Hange was surprised at how many big, burly friends Armin had. She never would have put him to be friends with Reiner and Bertholdt, but they were there, helping to get things settled.

His friends Sasha and Connie were upstairs baking cakes and cookies. They finished everything in time for Armin's return. He was startled when he saw everyone crowded in the basement entertainment room. It was Eren and Mikasa who rushed forward and dragged him into his room. Hange lingered by the door with Levi and Mr. Arlert for the big reveal. Armin was speechless and in tears, but he hugged his two friends tightly.

“Thank you so much...” he said.

“We really love you, Armin,” Mikasa said.

“Enough of that, Sasha made you cake!” Eren said.

“I helped too!” Connie shouted from across the basement.

“Shut up, Connie. No one cares,” Eren said.

“I do!” Armin said.

There was laughter, and Hange was surprised at how many unabashed hugs Armin got from all his friends, male, female and whoever might be in between. They settled in to watch a movie and Levi made a truck ton of popcorn. Armin sat next to Hange on the floor. He hesitantly put his head on her shoulder and she smiled.

“Thank you,” he whispered. She held his hand and squeezed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armin is very important. And super cute.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow storms bring everyone closer together.

Mr. Arlert was usually very interested in conversation over breakfast. But this one particular morning, he made everyone eat in the living room.

“There is a severe weather warning. I want you all to hear it,” he said. Hange and Armin sat on the floor, Levi served everyone and sat in an armchair. Hange scooted closer to Levi and he put his hand on her shoulder. The report said that they were to experience intense winds, an ice storm followed by a blizzard. The storm system was expected to touch down in a day or two.

“You're staying home from school that day Armin. I don't care if Erwin himself offers to drive you home from school,” Mr Arlert said.

“Yes, Grandpa,” Armin said.

“We'll need extra food incase we can't leave. I'll go grocery shopping,” Levi said.

“So you know that means you and the cats are staying with us, right?” Hange said. Levi didn't say anything. “Come on, stay with us! I'll double check my generator, but you know how easily your house loses power.”

“Yeah, stay with us!” Armin said. “If you want to, that is...”

Levi smirked. “Fine. Windex, Lysol, and I will stay over during the storm.”

Hange stood up and kissed his cheek.

“Then it's settled! Well be snowed in like a happy family!” she said.

* * *

The wind was starting to howl when Levi finally got off from work. Hange was making stew for dinner and Armin bundled up and ran next door to help Levi with his bags and the cats. Mr. Arlert and Clorox were sitting by the fire like old friends. The scene was so cozy, Hange was almost frightened at feeling so content. Armin and Levi were practically blown into the house. Armin set Windex and Lysol on the ground and they ran inside, almost as if they knew where the fireplace was. The boys lingered by the back door, taking off their jackets and boots.

“I'm going to sit with Grandpa,” Armin said. He left Hange alone with Levi.

“Where should I put my bag?” he asked.

“In my room,” Hange said.

Levi paused. “Is it really okay?”

“Yeah..I um...” she paused and put her arms around him. “I want you to spend the night with me. J-just sleeping though.”

He squeezed her. “Of course.”

“Go put your stuff away, dinner is almost ready,” she said.

As she turned back to the stove, Lysol stalked in and rubbed her body against Hange's legs. Her cheeks burned pink. She knew she wasn't ready to have sex with Levi. She _did_ feel ready to share her bed with him. She wondered if he was feeling neglected at all. He insisted on waiting on her, but Hange felt a former sex-god like Levi had to feel carnal desires that had to be fulfilled. When (or if) she was finally ready, could she even measure up?

Levi entered the kitchen. Hange couldn't find an expression to mask her uncertainty. He gave her ponytail a soft tug.

“What's the matter?” he asked.

She frowned and looked down at her pot. “Nothing just...nothing.”

He grabbed her by the base of her ponytail and gently turned her head so she had to face him. He didn't say anything, just examined her expression. He kissed her nose.

“We'll talk later if you want. I'll set the table.”

“Levi...”

He kissed her firmly on her lips. “I want to talk about how you feel when you're more comfortable.”

“There's nothing wrong,” she said.

“Zoë...”

She sighed. “Fine. I do want to talk. Maybe when we're alone tonight. But for now, dinner and board games?”

He managed a half smile. “Dinner and board games it is.”

* * *

After a few rounds of Clue and The Game of Life, the four retreated to the living room. Windex was on Armin's lap, swiping at his DS screen, making Armin giggle in amusement. Mr. Arlert was reading the news on his tablet, Hange was organizing her lab notes while she next to Levi. He was looking up recipes. Last time she was snowed in, it was just her and Levi in a quiet companionship. She didn't know about him, but she had been nursing a crush on him and was unable to fully explore how much she felt. Now they were closer, she felt a bit committed if she was honest. He rested his head on her shoulder and Hange smiled. And still, as strongly as she felt about Levi, she felt this hesitation. She knew she was holding back in more ways than one. She told herself to be a bit more realistic, they had only been dating for a few months.

Mr. Arlert turned in for the night. Armin stayed up a little longer, but fell asleep on the couch, Windex curled up in his arms. Hange put a fluffy pillow under Armin's head and covered both him and Windex with warm blankets. Lysol and Clorox curled up together.

Hange grabbed Levi's hand. “Let's go to sleep.”

He looked at her with that wide eyed stare and gave a slight, tiny smile that made him look disarmingly young. “Yeah. But are you sure you can handle this?”

She didn't know why she was blushing. “I-I uh...”

“Because I am a crazy sleeper,” he said.

She laughed. “You weren't crazy that night on your air mattress.”

“That's because I was emotionally exhausted.”

“Well, I still want to share a bed with you.”

They went upstairs hand in hand. Hange's heart raced a little.

“Do you still want to talk?” he asked.

She frowned and squeezed his hand tighter. “Let's...let's just get into bed.”

He nodded. When they got to her room, he grabbed his pajamas and changed in a separate room without even being asked. He was doing this for her. He was being so considerate of her, she wanted so badly to do something for him. When he returned she was wringing her hands and standing awkwardly in the middle of her room. He grabbed her hands and pressed his forehead against hers.

“What's wrong?” he asked softly.

“Are you happy?” she asked.

“Of course I am.”

She licked her lips. “I mean...you're really okay with just this? Do you need more?”

Levi pulled away to look her in the eyes. He ran his hand from her cheek to her jawline to her neck. “I want whatever you're comfortable with.”

“You're doing so much for me, I just want to do something for you...”

“What makes you think you're not doing anything?”

She was the one to search his eyes this time. “What do you mean?”

“It's relaxing to just have someone want to be close to you. You invited me to sleep in here because you actually care about _me_ and not because you heard I was a master at making you orgasm. I feel...I don't know...comfortable. Safe.”

She blinked back a few tears before giving him a slow, lingering kiss. “You do the same for me.”

He hugged her tightly.

“Let's go to sleep,” he whispered. He released her and lifted the sheets on her side of the bed first so she could get settled. She watched him crawl on his side.

“Night, Zoë,” he said.

“Good night, Levi,” she said.

He kissed her and stroked her cheek and that was it. He curled up on one end of the bed and said nothing else. Hange pulled the covers over her nose, smiled in relief and closed her eyes.

“Hey, Zoë,” he said.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Can I hold your hand?” he asked. She grinned and they found each other's hands under the blankets. The wind howled inside, but Hange felt warm. She put Levi's hand against her heart, she hoped he could feel her warmth too.

* * *

The rush of cold air hit her skin and she was forced to wake up. Hange knew exactly what was going on. She sat up and saw Levi in a cocoon of blankets. She snorted and shook her head.

“Seriously?” she mumbled. She inched over and forced her way into the cocoon. Levi hissed as she curled herself around him.

“Cold...” he mumbled. She didn't care, she put her arm around his waist and pressed kisses along his neck. He shivered but snuggled closer to her and entwined his fingers with hers. Hange smiled and kissed his hair.

* * *

There was a weight on her chest. Somehow she was lying on her back with Levi covering half her body. His lips brushed against her cheek, one of his legs was draped across her hips, he had an arm over her shoulders. Hange giggled and rubbed her cheek against his forehead and tried to go back to sleep.

* * *

She was lightly kicked in her side. She moved over and saw that Levi was curled up in a fetal position, basically sideways on the bed. Hange wished she could have taken a picture, it was so comical. She decided the best thing she could do was to tease him about it in the morning.

* * *

The sensation of falling was one she was all to familiar with in dreams. This time, she hit the floor. Her own floor. She scrambled to her feet groggily. She bit her lip to stifle the laughter when she looked down and saw Levi sprawled across the bed, taking up nearly all the space his body could occupy. She grabbed the blankets and covered him and carefully tucked herself under his arm. He put his arm around her and looked down at her face through a haze of sleep.

“Did I kick you out?” he said. She nodded. He kissed her forehead. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” she said. He wrapped his arms around her and she inched closer.

* * *

Hange woke up alone in her bed. She sat up and stretched. If she was honest, she didn't sleep all that well and Levi was to blame. He kept on moving into strange and wild positions, but she always found ways to curl up next to him. Levi entered the room with two mugs and Lysol and Clorox. The cats charged in and climbed on her lap. Levi placed one of the mugs on the bedside table so she could reach. He sat on the edge of her bed and smirked.

“Sorry about last night. I did warn you though,” he said.

She traced the mouth of the cup with her finger. “It wasn't that bad.”

He snorted. “The power's out in my house. Just let me know what room to move my stuff into.”

“Why?”

He blinked a few times. “I thought after last night you might not want me to share a bed anymore.”

“No, I liked sleeping with you...er...” He started laughing and she couldn't help but join him. She leaned forward and rubbed her nose against his. “I mean, spend the night with me, for the rest of the week.”

“When will I ever see my house again?”

“You live next door. Besides, I'm going to sleep over in your room, right?”

“Oh, hell yes,” he said.

“But...I want to rest here for a few more minutes,” she said.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked.

“Nope.”

Clorox and Lysol hovered over them and Hange rested her head on Levi's chest. He ran his hand from her shoulder blades to the small of her back. She closed her eyes and sighed.

“Are you really happy like this, Levi?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” he replied.

Nothing about his actions indicated that he was lying. Hange desperately wanted to convey how much she loved him and was attracted to him as well, but she didn't know how to show the depth of what she felt. She buried her face in his chest.

“Are you crying?” Levi asked. Hange squeezed him tightly.

“I'm so happy,” she said. She didn't dare raise her face so he could see that she wasn't smiling. She was an old pro at making excuses so the men in her life would ignore her tears for the time being. There was no way this was good enough for Levi, he meant too much to her. She had to find something deep inside her to make her give more, even if it hurt her. She wasn't going to lose him without doing everything she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I know it's killing you. What is Hange's deal? Oh you'll find out for sure...


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi didn't do Valentine's Day. Ever. Maybe last year counted. This year he felt more compelled to express that he cared for people in his life. He worried about it for a while, but learned that in some ways Valentine's Day was slightly easier for expressing such feelings as it did not have to be verbal and that was the form of affection he was horrible at.

Levi woke up to a gentle kiss. He supposed this was one of the perks of sharing a bed with someone that he actually cared about: good morning kisses. Though it baffled him how Hange was still in bed with him after nearly two weeks of his crazy sleeping. She found ways to fit against him that he didn't even think were possible, but he was glad she discovered them. For right now, there was nothing more he looked forward to than holding her hand or letting her spoon him as they fell asleep. She seemed to really like spooning him and he liked being held, though he'd never say it. If sharing a bed with him still made her even the slightest bit nervous and holding him in a way she was comfortable was going to help, he'd gladly let her do it.

Hange giggled and kissed him again. This time he actually bothered to open his eyes. She smiled and stroked his cheek.

“Morning,” she said. He grunted in response. She smacked his chest. “That's not a good answer on Valentine's Day!” He grabbed her and pressed kisses against her neck while she laughed. When he finally let her go, she hadn't stopped laughing and rolled over on her back. “Much better!”

She sat on the edge of the bed and put on her slippers. He knew this feeling all too well as he watched her back. He didn't want her to leave. He wanted her to call in sick to work and to postpone his inspections until another day and stay in bed with her watching movies, cuddling, and kissing. He crawled over to her and pressed his forehead against her back right between her shoulder blades.

“I know...” she whispered. “But I have a surprise for you. Wait until we exchange gifts at breakfast!” She got up and put on her jacket. “I'll change at home today. See you in a minute!”

Levi felt an ache as he heard her footsteps on the stairs and Windex and Lysol's meowing as she left. But he supposed they had lives to live. He got ready for day with the promise of seeing Hange's face again.

Levi didn't do Valentine's Day. Ever. Maybe last year counted. This year he felt more compelled to express that he cared for people in his life. He worried about it for a while, but learned that in some ways Valentine's Day was slightly easier for expressing such feelings as it did not have to be verbal and that was the form of affection he was horrible at. The only thing he worried about was his card to Hange. He turned over the envelope a few times before he grabbed his bag and his gifts and headed over to her house.

He was getting pretty used to his new family, he had no other way to describe them other than to call them that. Mr. Arlert was cooking that morning. He usually kept to himself, save Clorox loved to follow him around. Levi did enjoy talking to him when he got the chance. Armin was a bit shy around him, he couldn't figure out why. In reality, as much as he liked both of the Arlerts, he lived to see Hange. And just as he hoped, she was aglow with holiday spirit. Well, she always had holiday spirit for every holiday. She had on a pink lab coat with “Love Doctor” stitched to the pocket. He rolled his eyes and smirked. As he sat down, he saw Armin and Mr. Arlert already had Valentine's Day cards and gifts. He put a red, oval shaped tin on the table.

“Happy Valentine's Day. I like you guys,” he said. Hange reached to open it but Levi grabbed her hand. “It's not for you. It's for them.” Mr. Arlert opened the tin. Inside were perfectly decorated heart shaped sugar cookies.

“These are beautiful!” Armin said.

“I hope you like them,” Levi said. “And for you Hange.”

He handed her a card and set what looked like the beginnings of a bush on the table. Of course, since it was a starter there were no flowers. Hange chuckled and opened her card. She laughed harder and glanced up at him and shook her head.

She leaned over and whispered, “You're an idiot,” before kissing him on the cheek. His card read as follows:

_Shitty Glasses. I don't know what to write. Just pretend I wrote something nice and kiss me. Signed: Short Ass._

“It's a rose bush. We're graduating you to a proper garden bed and I thought you'd like roses,” he said.

“Ah, Hange told me you're a gardening man,” Mr. Arlert said.

“Um, Levi, I offered Mr. Arlert a quarter of my garden and Armin wants a space too,” Hange said.

“I don't see why that's a problem. We'll plan our beds together,” Levi said.

Hange clapped her hands. “A micro community garden! We're gonna have so much fun this spring!” She handed Levi a card. “Now your gift.”

He opened his card. When he read the contents, he raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I like it. See you for dinner then?”

“I hope so. But be on time! We have a lot to get through,” she said.

“I'll report on my 'secret mission' to you then,” he said.

“Oh? Secret mission?” Armin said. “Was that in your card?”

Levi shook his head. “It's a favor for a friend.”

“You're always involved in espionage on Valentine's Day,” she said.

“Well if it goes well, you'll all be hearing about it,” Levi said.

“Can't wait! Simon and I are off! He has a doctor's appointment near my campus,” she said.

“You don't have to drive me today, Levi. My friends Jean and Marco are taking me to school,” Armin said.

“I'll pick you up then,” Levi said.

“That's fine!” Armin said. A horn honked. “That's them. See you!”

Levi sighed and sipped his tea. How he always ended up involved in these sorts of situations was beyond him, but he would try to be supportive.

* * *

Levi drove up to the elementary school and parked next to the familiar black sports car. Oluo glanced over at him and smiled half heartedly. Levi got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for him. Finally, Oluo got out of his car, taking a guitar along with him.

“The principal knows you're coming?” Levi asked. Oluo nodded. “What's the deal then?”

“It's...I mean this is _Petra_. Is it enough for her?” Oluo asked.

“She'll love it. You went through a lot of trouble,” Levi said.

“Is the camera ready?” Levi held it up and Oluo took a deep breath. “Let's go.”

When they got to the school office it was as though everyone was waiting for them to come. The principal was there with a huge grin.

“We were on standby all day! Go on Terrence, page Miss Ral. Mr. Bozado, get ready!”

Oluo turned to Levi and nodded. Levi turned on the camera as he approached the intercom.

“Tell me when you're ready,” the principal said.

“Now,” Oluo said. The secretary paged Petra's classroom.

“Miss Ral in 308, Miss Ral in 308,” he said.

It was a moment before there was a response.

“Yes this is Miss Ral in 308,” Petra said.

“You have a special message. Please come to the office after it's finished,” the secretary said. He turned to Oluo and nodded. Oluo was so nervous Levi might have laughed, but as soon as he started to play his guitar, Levi was in awe. Oluo was actually a pretty good guitar player, excellent even. Levi knew he played, but never suspected how well. By the time he was finished, everyone in the office—save Levi—was in tears. But he _was_ impressed. They all applauded him. There was a bit of a pause before Petra responded.

“I'll be right there,” she said. Oluo let out a long sigh and glanced at Levi. Levi couldn't do much more than nod back. Petra entered the school office, and as soon as Oluo saw her, he was near tears. She ran over and hugged him, not even noticing that he bought her flowers or that Levi was even there and recording her. Oluo was now near to hysterics, and Levi prayed he could keep himself together.

“Petra...” Oluo said and got on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

She pressed her hands over her mouth and nodded. “Yes!” she cried.

Levi hadn't realized that he was holding his breath. He finished recording and Petra finally noticed he was there.

“Levi! I'm so glad you're here!” she said. She went over and gave him a hug. He stiffened, but patted her lightly on the back.

“Congratulations,” he said.

She wiped her eyes. “Thanks for helping him.”

“I'm always here to help,” he said.

Levi stayed until Oluo was ready to leave. As they left, Oluo crushed Levi in a hug.

“Thanks man. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this meant to me,” he said.

“Yeah. No problem,” Levi said.

“I know it's a little soon, and you're already in Erwin's wedding. B-but mine won't be for at least a few months so...”

“I'll be your best man,” Levi said.

Oluo started to sob and squeeze him tighter. When Oluo finally released him, Levi wanted to leave as soon as possible. He handed Oluo his camera.

“Here. I've got to go. Keep in touch,” he said. Levi had just opened his car door, he thought he was in the clear.

“You're my best friend Levi!” Oluo cried. Levi closed his eyes. Damn. He had to admit it.

“You're my friend too, Oluo,” he said. He got in his car and started to drive back to work. There were literally so many reasons he said yes to being Oluo's best man, but only one counted in Levi's mind. Oluo was the reason Hange moved in next door. Oluo persistently trying to be his friend and impress him was the reason she was in his life. He owed him big time.

Levi gritted his teeth as he drove. He was Levi Fucking Ackerman, and he had to change what that meant. Levi Fucking Ackerman had friends. Levi Fucking Ackerman was going to be a best man in two weddings. Levi Fucking Ackerman had a kick ass Number One who helped him to appreciate people around him. Levi Fucking Ackerman was not alone and he cared about the people in his life a whole fucking lot. And Hange was number one, not just because of her cute title as his significant other.

He wondered if he'd go through so much trouble to propose to her. He would  _want_ to but there was a huge chance words would fail him after all the effort. He couldn't even  _write_ her a card. It could all be super romantic until he had to speak.

He tried to picture what he would do, but couldn't think of anything. All he'd do is turn bright red and throw the ring box at her. Would she want a ring at all? He didn't know how to ask her otherwise, the ring did the talking for him. He didn't want to relive the disaster that was attempting to tell her that he loved her for the first time. He could say it a bit more comfortably now, but it was still embarrassing. He wouldn't mind just dragging her to the courthouse and having no awkward proposal and engagement. But secretly, amid his many layers of actual and feigned indifference, he wanted a wedding. Not a large or fancy one, just a small, casual garden party wedding in the spring. Helping Erwin with his lavish wedding only solidified this. Simple would be better.

But that was a long way off. They had only been dating six months. It was still interesting to think about. The joy on her face. Would she cry? Would she accept him even though he was broken? It didn't matter anyway. He was only thinking.

* * *

Armin was sitting on the steps of his school when Levi arrived. Beside him were two large red gift bags. He was grinning when he entered the car.

“Good day?” Levi asked as Armin buckled in.

“Yeah! I got a lot of cards and candy. I was very surprised,” Armin said. He rummaged through one of the bags. “Jean and Marco gave me cards and a box of really nice chocolates. Let's see...Annie gave me a candy necklace and said she didn't hate me.”

“A real charmer, I'm sure,” Levi siad.

“She's really nice, she's just bad with words. She kissed my cheek and walked away. Um..then Reiner gave me a bear hug and the most M&Ms I've seen in my life. Mikasa and Eren gave me cards and wanted me to go to the movies with them tonight. I said another time.”

“You have plans?”

“Hange paid for Grandpa and I to go out to dinner. I'm glad because this year, he's my only real Valentine. It...it might be the last time he can be. Sorry I got all morbid...”

Levi said nothing, but held out his hand. Armin took it and Levi squeezed once before returning his hand to the steering wheel. He had no right to judge Annie's inability to use words when he was just as bad. He hoped the small nonverbal comforts he offered were enough for now.

* * *

The Arlerts were away at dinner and Levi and Hange were heading up to her bedroom with a pizza box. Hange all but ran up her stairs. She was in her X-wing print dress that Levi loved so much because she was so comfortable in it and he got a glorious look at her legs. She jumped on her bed and smiled brightly at him.

“I welcome you to the Star Wars Prequel Kissing Game!” she cried.

He set the pizza box on the bed and joined her. “One question: why the prequels? You hate them. I hate them. You have a reason?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Because if we get distracted, we're not missing much.”

He put his hands on her waist. “Hm, good choice then.”

She set out three sheets of paper.

“We're looking for different things for each movie. Every time one of the things on the list happens, we kiss,” she said. “I'll start the movie!”

Her projector screen rolled down, lights were dimmed, they both ate a slice through the old trailers that played. As soon as the Twentieth Century Fox logo came on screen, she pushed him in onto the mattress and kissed him feverishly, tasting his mouth like she had a craving for him, her hands running through his hair. She didn't stop even as the music for the text crawl started. As soon as it ended, she pulled away, licking her lips. Levi sat up and ran a hand through his hair to try and make it a bit neater.

“'Making out through the text crawl' wasn't on the list,” he said.

She giggled. “I know.”

“Is every kiss going to be like that?”

“No, sorry. Maybe during Episode III.”

He nuzzled against her neck. “No, now. I liked that.”

“We'll get back to it. Now play the game,” she whispered.

“Fine. Obi Wan's accent dropped,” he said. They kissed each other, lightly and quickly, but lingered in close proximity, their noses still touching.

“They mentioned the blockade,” she said. Another kiss.

“They mentioned it again,” he said. Another kiss.

“Hm...I wonder who the main character could be?” Hange said. Another kiss. “I think that's it for n—”

Levi kissed her bottom lip gently a few times. She gasped and he slipped his tongue in her mouth. She pushed back with her own tongue, but he kissed a little harder and searched her mouth with loving strokes. When he pulled away, she bit her lip.

“Be patient, we'll get back to that soon,” she said.

He groaned and pressed his face into her lap.

“I'm barely twenty minutes into this movie, I'm bored, you're hot, and I think I'm in love with you. You don't seem to mind when I kiss you. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“I can't understand Liam Neeson,” she said. He rolled over.

“That's one of the things, right? Kiss me!” he said. She giggled and complied.

“You're such a baby,” she said.

“I am not. I'm just crazy about you.”

“What did you say?”

“You heard me.”

Levi tried to play the game, but he got restless between kisses. He ran his hands along the exposed part of her legs, he smelled her hair, and as he got more and more particularly bored, he started to lick her neck just to make her laugh.

“Come on, Levi! Calm down! What will help you to be patient and relax?” Hange asked. Levi knew exactly what would help, but felt his cheeks grow hot just thinking about asking. Hange sensed his hesitation and ran a hand along his neck. He closed his eyes and sighed. She blinked rapidly. “You want me to touch your neck?”

“Not touch, rub,” he said.

“Do you want me to give you a massage, Levi?” she asked. He nodded. She kissed his forehead. “Lie down, I'll take care of you.”

He was all too willing to obey. The feel of her rubbing his stiff muscles made him melt almost literally. He was much more tense than he cared to admit, but Hange rubbed his sore muscles with just the right amount of pressure. A massage interspersed with kissing was just what he needed.

“You really like massages don't you?” Hange said. Levi nodded.

“What can I do for you?” he asked.

“Just make those Episode III kisses so good I forget the plot,” she said.

“Like the Superman Memory Erase Kiss?”

“Mmm, yes.”

He rolled over and she lay on top of him. He loosened her ponytail and ran his hand through her hair.

“I will make it so, Number One,” he said.

She rubbed her cheek against his. “We're watching Star Wars, Short Ass.”

“But misquoting Star Trek is so much more fun,” he said.

She bit her lip. “Forget the game and kiss me, you fucking nerd.”

He wasted no time, his lips were on hers, his hands were in her hair. They rolled over once and she reached under his shirt to rub long, passionate strokes along his back. He moaned against her mouth as she found a bundle of tight muscles and massaged small circles with her thumb. He kissed just below her ear, and pressed kisses against her neck, making her hands travel back up so she was holding the back of his head, tangling her fingers in his hair as he sucked at the place where her neck and shoulder met. Her contented moans were reward enough as he continued to kiss and suck the same patch of skin until he left his mark.

Levi finally realized he'd never taken Hange's glasses off. He removed them and looked into her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed a bit, her lips were still a little swollen and she was so damn beautiful. He wanted to just tell her, instead he kissed each eyelid, her nose, but paused before kissing her mouth.

“You want to say something?” she whispered against his lips. He nodded. “Just say it.”

“You're fucking gorgeous, Zoë,” he said. She hummed in contentment. Levi caressed each lip with reverence. “I love you.”

She kissed him gently. “I love you, too.”

He didn't want to admit he loved hearing hear say that. He didn't want to say that the only reason he said “I love you” sometimes was so she would say it to him in return. He _was_ going to be certain she was so thoroughly kissed that she forgot the plots of all three movies.

* * *

Hange woke up the next day very aware of Levi's her against her chest. To both her relief and dismay, she still had all her clothing on. She had hoped perhaps all the kissing would have worked up her nerve for sex. But Levi seemed very content with massages and making out and she just couldn't push herself past her comfort zone. She ran her fingers though the hair on the back of his head and he groaned and nuzzled against her chest. She didn't know why that action made her teary. She willed herself not to sob and bit her lip. But the tears still fell, though they were silent. She had to act fast or he'd get bored with her. Losing Levi wouldn't kill her, but it'd be pretty damn close.

“I'll try harder Levi, I will...” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Star Wars Prequel Kissing Game is based on a Star Wars Prequel Drinking Game.
> 
> Oh, and you want to know Hange's deal, yes? You might regret asking.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't want to talk about last night,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> -Somewhat transphobic speech  
> -Misgendering  
> -Rape/Dubcon mention  
> -Abuse mention

Hange told Levi not to wait up for her, but sometimes he really wanted to. He liked to hear her footsteps on the stairs, the sound of of her in the shower. Windex would leave him and wait by the bathroom door down the hall for her. She entered this particular night with Windex in her arms. The olive undertones of her skin were made only warmer by the dim light of his bedside table. She curled up beside him and kissed his cheek.

“You're up late,” she said. He put his arm around her.

“Glad you're home,” he said. Windex wormed her way in between them.

“Levi, we should go out,” she mumbled. “I'm working all the time, I want to have some fun.”

He turned back to his book. “Really? You have some place in mind?”

“The interns all go to a place called The Dragonfly,” she said.

He froze when he heard the name. “The Dragonfly?”

“Yeah. It seems cool. Good drinks, local bands.”

She stroked Windex's fur and closed her eyes.

“We can go,” he said.

“Mmmm...yay...” she said in a haze of exhaustion. He closed his book and set it aside. He sighed, turned off the light, and sat still and stared at the wall for a few minutes.

“You okay, Short Ass?” Hange asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. He found her hand under the blankets and gave it a light squeeze. She stroked his knuckles with her thumb.

“Good night, Zoë,” he said as he stroked her face.

“Night, Levi,” she said. He took a deep breath and kissed her hand. She fell asleep almost immediately.

“The Dragonfly, huh?” he whispered. It had been a long time.

* * *

Hange grinned as they headed toward The Dragonfly. Levi's heart was beating fast. It could be nothing. It could be just a quiet night over the din of a local band. There were many nights like that at The Dragonfly. It was just as he remembered. Dark, a little seedy, perfect for creating an atmosphere of lust. Hange seemed excited, though. He held her hand and she grinned at him.

“Want to get a drink?” he asked.

“All right! But I'm driving tonight, so drink all you want!” she said.

“I only want a beer or two,” he said. They went to the bar and sat side by side at on the stools. The bar tender had his back to them and was down the bar but Levi knew who it was. He swallowed as he came toward them.

“What can I—Levi!” he said.

“Hey, Matt,” Levi said. Matt took his hand and air kissed both cheeks.

“I haven't seen you in  _ ages. _ What brings you here tonight?” he asked.

“My Number One was curious and wanted to come. Matt, this is Zoë Hange,” he said. Matt took Hange's hand in both of his and kissed her cheeks.

“Nice to meet you, Zoë,” Matt said. “By the sound of it, Levi might be a bit serious about you.”

Levi smirked. “I want whatever's on tap. I'm not sure what Hange wants.”

“A Coke. I'm the designated driver tonight,” she said. “I assume Levi used to come here a lot.”

“Yeah. Levi and I were...close,” he said. “I'll be back with your drinks.”

Hange hugged Levi's arm. “You didn't tell me that you used to come here.”

“I...sorry...you deserved a warning,” he said. “It's been almost ten years since I've been here. So I thought—hoped—most of the old crew was gone. But if Matt is all we'll see, then this is fine.”

She rubbed his arm and and leaned over to his ear.

“Will you tell me about him on the way home? Whatever you're comfortable with. He seems nice,” she said.

“He is,” he said. Matt returned with their drinks.

“You caught a good night. I'm not usually here,” Matt said.

“Where do you work now?” Levi said.

“I actually work at another high end pub. It's a bit of a microbrewery. You remember Erd and Gunther?”

“Yeah.”

“They own it. Oluo's actually owns part of the restaurant, he put up a fair amount of the start up money. He's there all the time. Stop by, I'll give you two something special.”

“We'll be by,” Levi said.

“Nice. Enjoy your night and let me know if you need anything,” Matt said.

The evening went fairly normal. They had a few drinks, watched the band play. Hange was  _ very _ insistent on forcing her way to the front of the crowd. Levi lingered toward the back and sipped his beer. All in all, what could have been a disastrous outing ended without event. Hange returned from the crowd sweaty and out of breath.

“I'm going to the bathroom. Are you ready to go?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. She kissed his cheek and left. Just as she walked away, Matt came over and grabbed his arm.

“Levi, I have to warn you,” Matt said.

Levi narrowed his eyes. “What happened?”

“Dani's here.”

Levi put a hand on his forehead. “Why tonight of all nights?”

* * *

Hange saw a woman stumble into the bathroom. She clearly had been jostled by the crowd and was looking for some relief. She seemed fixed on Hange, her blue eyes attempting to focus through her shaggy, blonde bangs.

“Hey!” she said. Hange turned slowly and the woman came up to her with a lopsided smile. “I saw you with Levi. Is that guy still fucking around after all these years?”

“Ah...well...he's my boyfriend,” Hange said.

The girl stared at her, then slapped Hange on the chest quite forcefully.

“No shit! Wow, he's picked someone,” she said. “I always thought he'd pick a girl with bigger tits. You wearing a bra at all?”

“Ah...not today...” Hange said. She was in fact, wearing a binder, it was just one of those days. But she didn't feel it was this woman's place to know.

“Wow. His standards dropped. Even the guys he fucked had man boobs I thought it was his thing. He used to  _ really _ love when I showed up in just a pair of lacy panties so he could get at my boobs easier. I mean, he liked the lacy bras too, the sheer ones. Damn, I envy you.”

“Why?” Hange asked.

“I mean, you have a guy who is literally always on. Levi's ready to fuck at he drop of a hat.”

Hange blushed. “O-Oh...”

“Come on, he's out there now, right? Let's see old Bitch-face” she said.

She grabbed Hange's arm. “Damn, you're flat as hell. You  _ sure _ you're not a guy? Trans-girl, maybe?”

“N-no. I'm not. But even if I was a trans-girl, I'd still be just a girl.”

“Whatever,” she said as they left the bathroom. Hange saw Levi from across the room. His face when he finally saw them and it said it all. “Hey, Bitch-face!”

She had never seen Levi move so fast. Before the girl could say a proper greeting Levi dragged them apart, putting Hange squarely at his side.

“Hello, Dani,” he said.

“Woah, so you toughened up since we parted ways. She must like being man handled,” Dani said.

“Hange, do you want to go?” he asked. She looked directly at Dani and felt the same feeling she got staring down Levi's mother.

“I do,” she said. He nodded and they turned to leave.

“So that's it! Nothing to say! Ugh, still acting like a damn bitch! Just fucking face me!” Dani said. Hange looked at Levi. His eyes narrowed, his jaw was set, he looked downright dangerous. She hugged his arm tighter. “That's right, walk away! You and that bitch you're fucking!”

Levi turned around quickly, putting Hange behind him. Dani's fire died a bit. He took only one step toward her and she backed away. He snorted and turned back to Hange. He linked arms with her and continued toward the door.

“Are you okay?” Hange asked.

“Yeah,” he replied curtly.

They got in the car and Hange started to drive home. Levi was silent.

“I'm sorry,” she said.

“No, don't apologize for shit,” he said. They were quiet. “If you can't tell I went through a 'fix my mother' phase. Dani was trying to give up drinking. She said she just needed a release, y'know. I gave her my number, told her to call if she wanted sex. She called. A lot.”

“How long were you on booty call?” Hange asked.

He snorted. “Three months. I helped her get a job. Gave her money, listened to her gripe. She started drinking again. Showed up at my apartment drunk. I told her I couldn't have sex with her if she was like this. She got upset, thought I was judging her. We haven't spoken since.”

“I see.”

“Matt knew Dani, she frequented here a lot like I did. We talked one night, apparently he'd done a lot to help her too. One thing led to another. Matt and I fucked a bit, a few months.”

“He wasn't the first guy, though.”

“No. I experimented a lot.”

“What did you find out?”

“That I don't care who I fuck and I hate labels.”

Hange chuckled. She glanced over at him. He seemed tired. When they pulled into her driveway, she took his hand.

“Want to sleep at my house?” she asked.

“Can we sleep at my place?”

She nodded and kissed his cheek. They went back into the house. Hange stepped into the shower. She knew in her heart that Levi didn't love Dani. Probably not even when they were having sex. But it sounded like she at least turned him on.

“Always ready to fuck. Likes lacy underwear and big boobs...” she mumbled. She cupped her hands over her own chest and sighed. She got ready for bed, turning things over in her mind. Levi was already under the covers by the time she got into the bedroom. He turned over to look at her and frowned.

“Which one?” he said.

“What?” Hange asked.

“Which one do you think I'm hung up over?”

Hange shook her head. He held her chin and kissed her gently. “I love you. Just you.” Levi rested his head on her chest and sighed deeply. “I'm safe right here.”

Hange rubbed his back and smoothed his hair. She wondered what went through his head whenever he was nestled on her chest. Did he ever compare her to others? She believed him when he said he only loved her, but did he miss the sex?

_ There is just no way this is enough _ , she thought.  _ He can't be happy just being with me I'm... _ she squeezed her eyes shut.

_I'm not enough._

* * *

Levi sensed Hange's unease. He hated it. She was quiet and subdued, she seemed distracted and lifeless. He wanted to demand that she stop moping, but she wasn't doing that exactly. She'd look at him with such pain in her eyes. And though she believed she was very good at hiding it, he knew she cried a lot over the past few days. He wanted to know why, to back her into a corner and demand answers. He knew that wasn't the way. Hange worked late often, maybe she was tired.

Even when she wasn't there, he made it a point to eat dinner with Armin and Mr. Arlert. On one such night, he received a text from her while he was washing the dishes.

“ _Come to your room when you're done. I'm waiting for you.”_

He raised an eyebrow, but finished cleaning up. Levi's heart raced as he went home. Just what was he going to find when he got to his room? He came to his door and swallowed before he opened it. He turned the knob and almost lost his breath completely. He had to admit, he liked what he saw. Hange was indeed waiting for him in nothing but red lace lingerie. He unbuttoned his shirt and bit his lip. It was certainly way more of her than he'd ever seen, he didn't know what to look at first. He followed the swell of her hip to the subtle curves of her breasts, his eyes lingered longingly on his favored spot between them. His excitement died when he saw her face. She was smiling, but he could not describe the hesitance as shyness. She seemed...sad, terrified almost. She got up and grabbed him by the collar. She kissed him forcefully, as though she were trying to silence any questions he had.

Hange undressed him quickly, almost as though she wanted it to be over with. She gave him no opportunity to help her out of her lacy underthings, they were naked without ceremony. She seemed so stiff and ill at ease, he couldn't really enjoy looking at her. She lay back on the bed.

“Well?” she said. Levi could not deny his burning lust for her, especially not now, but he couldn't look her in the eye and say this felt right. He stroked her cheek and she closed her eyes as though his touch hurt.

“Do you really want to do this?” he asked. She didn't look at him.

“Yes. I-I want you so bad,” she said. Her voice got lost in what sounded like half a sob. She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth. He was about to say something, but she grabbed him by his hair and gently pulled him down on top of her. Her fingers were trembling. “Fuck me, Levi.”

She was near tears. This wasn't right. He hesitated and started to pull away. A sob escaped this time. Her tears did not fall but they threatened to.

“Please do it...” she whispered. He kissed her. This seemed wrong still, but she was begging, so he'd try. Levi pressed kisses on her neck and moved a hand down to gently rub her breasts. But she whimpered almost as if she was in pain. He stopped, thinking perhaps her breasts were too sensitive. He decided to search for other sensitive areas, feeling around between her legs. He seemed to succeed, he could feel her getting wet, but when he stroked inside her, she seemed tense. He narrowed his eyes. This was definitely all wrong. As soon as he started to touch her, she hadn't looked at him once and her expression was more anxious than trying to hold back embarrassing moans or weird faces. Maybe this didn't turn her on. He decided to go for broke and positioned himself between her legs. She squeezed her eyes shut and he tilted his head in confusion.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked. She nodded. She never opened her eyes, she wouldn't even face him. This made Levi worried, but he hoped she was just nervous. He tried to push into her slowly. She was tight. Too tight. She grit her teeth and she was breathing hard. She was bracing herself for pain, there was not a sign of pleasure anywhere. He tried to move a bit, shifting his weight and his hips and pushed a little further to see if he could make her more comfortable. She let out a cry. He was hurting her. That was the last straw. He shook his head and pulled out.

Hange sat up quickly. “I-is something wrong?”

“I'm done,” he said.

“We can do something else. How do you want me?” she said.

“I said I'm done.”

She crashed her lips against his and he drew back from the force of the contact. This wasn't like an intense Hange kiss, this had no care or desire in it at all. She seemed desperate for some reason and he couldn't figure out why. She kissed his neck, licked his collarbone, but the actions seemed hurried and forced.

“What do you want?” she asked. Her voice was trembling as were the hands that traveled down his stomach. He wished she would look at him, just so he could see how scared she was. She started to stroke him, and he was a bit aroused by the contact, but she seemed unsure and shaky. “Why won't you tell me?”

“Oh god, Zoë...” he said breathlessly. “Just stop.”

“Maybe you don't want me to use my hands?” she said. She started kissing down his stomach, in the pretense of building sexual tension. She was only making him worried, how could he enjoy himself when her whole body was shaking and she sounded like she was about to cry? He grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to sit up.

“I'm done. We're done,” he said.

“W-why?”

“I'm not in the mood right now. I've gotta take a piss.”

He had to leave her. There was no way he was having sex with her when she was so tense like this. They'd talk about it when he got back from the bathroom. When he opened the door, she wrapped herself up in the sheets and hid her body and face from his sight.

“Give me a minute. I'll leave,” she said.

“I didn't say anything about you leaving. I meant we're done with sex for tonight. Why the hell would I want you to leave?” he said.

“I didn't mean to turn you off,” she said. “Please don't give up on me, I'll try harder.”

“Why would I give up on you? What do you need to try to do?”

She sighed and wriggled out of the sheets. She threw herself on the bed and lay spread eagle.

“I'll do what you want, just fuck me,” she said. “What do you want to touch first? What do you want me to do?”

He crawled on the bed and gently helped her to sit up straight. She instinctively curled up in a ball. He took her face in his hands.

“Zoë. Right now, pretend I'm not a factor in this. Do you want to have sex?”

“I want you to be happy.”

“I'm happy already. Do you want to have sex?”

She started to shake all over. He held her close as she started to sob. It sounded like dropping bits of broken glass on the ground and cut him just as much. She cried and curled up tighter.

“Do you want to wear something?” he asked. She nodded and he went to his dresser drawer and handed her some of his pajamas. She put the shirt on and buttoned it up with shaking hands. She held the pants for a moment, but threw them at him. He didn't need to be told, he put them on. Once they were relatively covered, Hange rubbed her arms. “Do you want me to hold you?”

She all but jumped into his embrace. He held her and rubbed her back as she started to cry again.

“Listen. I only stopped because you seemed tense and afraid. I can't have sex with you if you don't want it. I just can't,” he said. “If you don't want to have sex, just say so. I'm fine going slow. I can wait.”

“What if...what if I'm never ready?”

“I already have what I want.” She only held him tighter. “You do know, there are so many things I like about you. You are pretty damn sexy. Can I kiss the parts of you that I like? Are you comfortable with that?” She laughed a little and nodded. “I can't kiss everything I like about you, like your crazy ass mind, or your heart. And it will take way too much time to kiss everything. But I'll give you an idea.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Your hair.” He kissed her lips. “That's obvious. Let's see. Your neck.” He softly nipped at her and she let out a yelp. “Your collarbone.” He licked across her skin and she laughed.

“I thought you said you were going to _kiss_ the parts you liked.”

“I'm showing appreciation with my mouth, I think that's close enough. Now where was I? Your shoulders.” He kissed each one. On your stomach.”

She lay on the bed on her stomach and kicked her legs. She was enthusiastic and he was happy. “I like this part right here, that spine dip. Basically it's a trail to your ass.”

He kissed along her spine through the shirt she was wearing and she only giggled more. “Let's not forget, your legs that go on for days. I could kiss those for years and it would never be enough. But I can spare at least one kiss for each thigh.” He kissed each one reverently. “Hm...maybe not. Maybe a few more.” He kissed her thighs and she chuckled a bit. “But let's not forget my favorite.”

He pinched her ass and she squeaked. “Yeah, kissing your ass is not a punishment, but a privilege.” She moved the fabric of the shirt to her waist so he could have better access. He looked at her expression just to be sure. A smile, barely contained laughter. That was what he wanted to see. He gladly peppered her ass with kisses and she pressed her face into the mattress to try and stifle her giggles.

“You're tickling me!” she said.

“Well, that's all then,” he said. “More for another night if you're willing.”

“Okay,” she said. She curled up against him and kissed his cheek and neck. “Thank you.”

He held her close and kissed her forehead. But he couldn't help but wonder what exactly made her feel like she  _ needed _ to have sex with him. He couldn't let this pass, they had to talk about it. But for now he looked down at her face as she phased in and out of sleep. He was just glad to have her close to him.

* * *

Levi knew the way he wanted to wake up, being spooned by Hange, getting all the neck kisses he craved. Instead, he woke up to the sound of sniffling. Hange was sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to him. He rubbed her arm and she drew away. He sat up and watched the way she hunched over.

“Zoë...” he said.

“Don't touch me,” she said.

“I'll give you your space. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.”

She hugged her arms and doubled over. “Oh, god, I'm so disgusting...”

He climbed off the bed, knelt before her and took her hands.

“The hell you are,” he said.

“You say that because you don't know,” she said.

He kissed each hand. “You're right I don't. But it can't be nearly as bad as whatever I've done. I think we should talk, but we need to eat first.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“I am. I'm making breakfast. Will you come downstairs?” She nodded. “Do you want pants?” A nod. “Will you take these so I don't have to break up a set?”

Another nod. He moved behind her and removed his pants and tossed them to her. He heard her stand and put them on as he put on a T-shirt and work out pants. When he was dressed, he found Hange curled up on her side and watching him as she hugged a pillow.

“How much did you see?” he asked.

“Everything. Sorry. I-I mean...well, we saw everything last night so...and you're really fucking hot...I just...I...”

She buried her face in the pillow to try and hide the tears. He hugged her and she threw her arms around his neck. He carried her downstairs and put her on the couch. He put some pillows behind her and covered her with a blanket. He kissed both her cheeks and her nose.

“I'm making breakfast. Let me know if you get hungry,” he said. She nodded. He left her on the couch and worked as quickly as he could. He wanted her to have space, but he also genuinely wanted to hold her until she felt better. He settled for focusing on the task at hand. He made a tray of food for himself complete with milk and orange juice and went to the living room. Hange moved so he could sit next to her. He started eating and she stared at him.

“You're eating waffles,” she said.

“I know,” he replied.

“You hate waffles.”

“But you love them. Want some?”

She said nothing as she took the fork from him and took a few bites. He knew it was coming. She sniffled as she chewed. He put his arm around her and she put her head on his shoulder.

“Please eat a little more,” he said.

“I'll try,” she said. She finished half, he finished the rest while she drank his milk and orange juice. She took his plate and he went with her to the kitchen. She washed the dishes while he made tea.

When she had her cup in her hands he brushed the hair away from her neck. The skin around her eyes was reddened from all the crying and he knew there'd be more tears.

“I don't like it when you're sad,” he said.

“I'm sorry,” she said.

He held her hand. “Don't. Don't be sorry, not for this.”

They went back to the couch and he spread the blanket over their legs. He had his arm around her and they both sipped their tea. The silence was so deafening it hurt his ears. Levi just wanted her to know whatever she was afraid of was completely unfounded, but she had to say something or else he was just talking out of his ass.

“I don't want to talk about last night,” she said.

“We have to,” he said.

“I'm so embarrassed,” she said.

“Why?”

“Ugh, we had really bad almost sex. I feel so stupid.”

“First of all, you are hot as fuck. You were just doing something that didn't make you feel sexy.”

“Yeah. You're right. I was doing someone else's version of sexy.”

“Let me guess. Dani told you I liked lingerie and boobs?”

“Yeah...”

Levi rubbed his cheek against her hair. “I liked those on Dani because they made  _ her _ feel sexy. I'm with you now. I only want what makes  _ you _ feel sexy. If that's what you want to do. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm actually not terribly interested in sex.”

“Really?”

“I didn't start out fucking everyone. I started making out. Kissing is something I really enjoy. Sex is nice too, but it became almost a side effect of the making out. Y'know, someone gets a little handsy while while you're kissing, it feels nice, you see what you can do to them, next thing you know, you're fucking against a wall.”

“So...you're fine with the make outs and cuddles?”

“I am. Sex is only one way to connect with someone. We connect in so many ways, Zoë, I only want sex if you want it. It's the only way I can actually enjoy it.”

She covered her face with her hands. “So...I'm enough? Just being with me is enough?”

“Always,” he said. She flopped over into his lap as though she lost all her energy. He felt the tears soak through the fabric of his pants. He gently ran his fingers through her hair. He wanted her to talk so he'd know how to help, what to do. But he let her cry. After a long while, she sat up and he brushed away stray tears.

“You want to blow your nose?” he asked. She nodded and he got her a box of tissues. He put his arm around her and waited until she was ready to continue.

“I was afraid of losing you,” she said. He held her hand in both of his.

“Why would I leave you?” he asked. “If something was wrong, wouldn't I talk to you first?”

“I know you would. But I thought sex was so important to you and I...listen, I just don't feel attraction for people very often. I feel  _ very _ attracted to you, Levi. I really do want to have sex with you. I really, really do. I didn't want you to get bored. I didn't want to...” she chuckled a bit. “I didn't want to fuck up.”

“Why did you think it was so necessary?”

She looked away. “I'm no virgin. I've had sex before. I didn't even know I could enjoy sex at all until Russ.”

“What about the others before?” Levi asked.

Hange laughed. “Other. Just one was before him. He said, 'Zoë, we're eighteen, we're in an adult relationship. Adults have sex.'” She laughed bitterly. “He fucked like a teenage boy.”

“You lay back and thought of England?”

“No. I made programs on my graphing calculator so I could get my homework done faster. He cheated on me with another girl who wasn't 'frigid' as he put it. That was it.”

“And the next guy?”

“I was just starting grad school. He was smart and charming. Things were good. He never pressured me to have sex, but we did when I was ready. We went out for three months and then I moved in with him. He paid for everything. I was excited, no rent, I could focus on my studies and get a good job and contribute soon enough. A month passed. He told me I'd better pay up. I was confused, but he said there was no such thing as free rent. I didn't have any money to spare, I couldn't afford another pace on my own, I had no friends or family near by at the time. I didn't know what to do. It turned out he didn't want money. I  _ had _ to have sex exactly the way he wanted or I was out on the street. I said okay. 

I decided to try and look for another place in the meantime. When he found out, he slashed his wrists. I got him to the hospital in time, but...when we got home, he said I was the reason he tried to kill himself. I owed him. I had to stay or else he'd try to kill himself again. I couldn't bear the idea of his death on my shoulders. He threatened self harm so many times. He followed through if I resisted and I hated seeing him hurt on my account. He used it as a bargaining tool for sex especially. It wasn't enough I was trapped with him, he needed to have control of my body.

And...gradually he got very rough. He wouldn't stop when I said I told him he was hurting me. He was proud when I could barely walk the next day. And yes, if I wanted it, he should have been, but I was in so much pain and he wouldn't let up. He wouldn't let me enjoy myself. Every night I went to bed, he'd do what he wanted without ever thinking of me even the slightest. I was like a blow up doll.”

“So that's why you were so afraid to share a bed with me. Are you okay with our sleeping arrangements?”

“Yes. I was my choice to be there and you listen when I tell you things. I'll let you know if something is wrong. I was also a little scared that you'd expect sex if we shared a bed.”

“How did you even get away from him?”

“Mike. He worked in my building and he was one of a few people I ever talked to. He fixed a few things in our apartment and knew Russ fairly well. He was the one to notice something was wrong. He friended me on Facebook, found my family, let them know his suspicions. Rick and Michelle came to visit, talked to me, we called the authorities and got both of us the help we needed. Russ had to move back in with his parents and I found a new roommate. Michelle stayed for a while because she was afraid Russ was going to come back. He threatened a few times. I got some therapy, started my doctorate. Mike and I started dating, though he repeatedly told me he had a lot misgivings and we should go slow.”

“He inherited all your hang ups from the last relationship.”

“Poor guy. We did move slow, and he was so good with me. But he and I both knew it wasn't working. I was holding back with him and I just couldn't trust him or myself fully. It was just too soon and we were really just honestly friends. We never had sex. I couldn't go that far with him. We broke up for other reasons, but I can't help but feel that maybe...maybe if we had sex...But I just couldn't. I was so afraid...” Hange covered her eyes and Levi held her tight. “Levi...I was...Russ he...I had no choice...”

“You don't have to say it if you don't want to. Believe me I already filled in the blanks,” he said.

“Oh god...” she said. She buried her face in his shoulder and started bawling. Levi tangled his fingers in her hair and let her press herself against him. He was in his own personal hell again, holding her as she cried from wounds she received years ago. If anyone understood how past hurts could still reopen, it was Levi. He never experienced the same sort of hurt, but he remembered the bewildering pain of being beaten senseless on a regular basis. When she calmed down, she released him a little and she let her have her space to breathe.

“You need to keep talking to me, Zoë. If you are feeling unsafe at all, you  _ have _ to tell me. Okay?” he said. She nodded. “ _ If _ we ever have sex, it will be when and how we both want it. Sex with me should not hurt unless you specifically want it to and aftercare will be given.” She smiled, though it was tired. He kissed her breastbone through her shirt. “I like when my head is against your chest because it makes me feel safe and cared for. I want you to feel the same way.”

She snuggled against his chest. He lay back so they could lay the length of the couch. Before she got too comfortable, she pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.

“Thank you,” she whispered. He brushed the hair away from her face.

“I love you, Zoë,” he said.

She blinked back tears. “I love you too.”

She stayed in his embrace. Lysol wormed her way under Hange's arm after a while and Windex hovered jealously nearby. Levi was not a good enough replacement for Hange in Windex's opinion. Hange was smiling in her sleep. That was enough for him.

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't know if what I told you was right or wrong. Maybe your grandfather held on because you were there. Who knows?"

It was finally starting to warm up and spring was basically here. Levi couldn't wait to get started in his own garden. Mr. Arlert chose to advise Hange and Armin with their plants. Armin decided to take over Hange's deck garden and Hange and Mr. Arlert split the newly tilled garden plot.

Levi had been used to gardening seasons starting quietly, but this year started off with a bang. Hange was in the kitchen cooking when he finally made it downstairs. Armin and Mr. Arlert were there, their plates piled high with waffles. He grimaced.

“Helping everyone get their strength up for the day?” He asked. Hange nodded.

“You bet. Here's your breakfast,” she said. She gave him a plate with a rather neat omelet on it. He blinked and gave her a questioning look. “Well, you don't like waffles, right?”

He snorted and started to eat. “You didn't have to make this.”

“Well, I did.”

“Your presentation is improving.”

“That's because Armin helped me a little this morning.”

Levi glanced over at Armin and he grinned sheepishly.

“Good job, kid,” Levi said. They finished breakfast and Mr. Arlert put on a straw hat.

“It's time to get ready for gardening,” he said. They all got into Levi's car and they went to both a local nursery and the hardware store. Once they were stocked up, they set to work. Levi preferred to work in his own yard by himself with Windex and Lysol for company. However, he found himself constantly preoccupied with watching Hange and the Arlerts together. Armin finished before Hange and his grandfather so he went over and helped them. Seeing the three of them together made him happy for some reason. Maybe because it was so peaceful to see Hange content in a family setting. She and Armin seemed to really hit it off, they were almost always together that day working side by side until it was dark.

They showered and had dinner at Hange's. Mr. Arlert took his dinner in bed, he was very exhausted and Hange carried his food downstairs for him. That left Levi alone with Armin setting the table for three. Armin paused and stared at the place settings as Levi put dinner on the table.

“What's wrong?” Levi said.

Armin looked at him briefly before shaking his head. “Nothing. Just I...”

“Say it.”

Armin grimaced. “Never mind.”

He hurried to get a pitcher of iced tea out of the refrigerator. Hange returned and they had dinner together. Armin was clearly exhausted from the day and Levi insisted that he go to sleep right after dinner and he would clean up. In his haze of exhaustion, Armin gave Hange a hug good night and stumbled downstairs with Clorox close behind. Hange smiled wistfully after him and leaned her head on her hand.

“He's a good kid,” she said.

“I agree,” Levi said as he started to gather the plates. They worked together and retreated to her room for the night. And so a gardening season started with a full day of activity with friends. He cradled her against his chest as she fell asleep turning over the events of the day. He supposed the point of gardening, especially the growing of vegetables was to share the spoils of the earth with those you cared about. How was it that just when he thought he had no more room in his heart, someone else would force their way in? He assumed, when the Arlerts moved in, that he would be quite indifferent to their presence, perhaps slightly irritated. He was finding that he didn't mind their presence so much.

Hange mumbled in her sleep and he held her closer. Even with the addition of new people to the tradition of gardening together, he hoped—maybe a touch too idealistically or naïvely—that spending time with Hange would always be one reason he was excited to grow plants every year.

* * *

Levi was up before everyone Monday morning watering his garden. Windex and Lysol hovered near. Windex liked the way the water would make the grass move, but hated getting wet. Lysol just stayed behind him.

He heard Hange's back door open and saw Armin start to water his plants on the deck. Clorox followed him. It seemed Clorox was more interested in Armin than the plants, he kept pressing his body against Armin's legs. Armin laughed and scratched Clorox's ears now and then.

Levi finished before Armin and went over to say good morning. Armin stood up straighter as he approached.

“Hey, Levi! I-I mean, good morning! I-I mean, how are you?” Armin said.

“Hello. Good morning. I'm fine. What about you?” Levi said.

“I'm good. I thought I'd water Grandpa and Hange's garden,” Armin said.

“That's very nice of you. They're both pretty exhausted.”

“Yeah...”

“I'll make breakfast. You want something?”

Armin shook his head. “Are we eating at your place?”

“Hange's place. So Simon doesn't have to walk far,” Levi said.

“Okay. Thanks, Levi!”

Levi went into Hange's kitchen. He wished her stove was at a more convenient angle to see outside so he could see Armin. It seemed no matter what he did, Armin was always very nervous and jumpy when he was around. Levi hoped Eren hadn't blown his image out of proportion. Levi remembered Armin when he first arrived in the neighborhood. Small, quiet, and often ignored by bullies in favor of the much more mouthy Eren. Levi regretted not teaching Armin any self defense.

Armin, very much like Eren, was already a bit taller than him. He swore the boy grew an inch or two since he moved in, he was now just about Hange's height.

Armin came in from watering the plants, carrying Clorox. He nodded to Levi and started for his room. He paused at the door of the basement.

“Thank you, Levi,” he said.

“It's just breakfast,” Levi said.

“No, thank you for...never mind...”

Before Levi could ask what he meant, Armin was gone. Levi felt he had to do  _something_ to make Armin relax around him. He wasn't sure of what, though.

* * *

Windex was an excellent indicator of human character. Generally, people she loved were special, a cut above the rest. She got excited whenever Hange or Armin came home, it was almost as though she were some manifestation of the excitement he felt.

It was late afternoon. Hange was going to be working well into the evening, Mr. Arlert was examining his plants, Clorox was right beside him. Windex was vying for equal attention. Clorox seemed to love everyone (including Windex) and Windex did not like him around the humans she liked. Ironically she never got  _as_ upset when Clorox was around Levi. Lysol stayed near Levi. He had a sneaking suspicion Clorox and Lysol were some sort of adorable, gentle kitty love. She was not jealous and they always seemed to be walking around together.

Windex and Clorox froze and ran off together. Armin had to be close by. Sure enough, he rounded the corner only to be ambushed by his jealous lovers. Well, one was jealous. Armin sat down and cuddled them both, very much like Hange often did. Levi found it interesting, for as different as they were, Hange and and Armin were quite similar in certain mannerisms.

Levi turned his attention away from Armin, when he noted with some unease that Mr. Arlert was moving stiffly. Levi stood up from his work. Lysol seemed worried as well, she stood alert. Mr. Arlert collapsed and before his straw could hit the ground, Levi jumped the fence like he had never installed a gate. Mr. Alert rolled over on his back and Armin ran over. Levi knew all too well. what was happening.

“I'm going to help you, Simon,” Levi said. Simon barely managed a nod. Levi began chest compressions immediately. “Armin call 911 and get the cats on the other side of the fence.”

Armin called the ambulance, Levi did not let up on his chest compressions.

“Now call Hange and tell her to meet us at the hospital,” Levi said. Armin nodded, clearly near tears. Hange stayed on the phone with him for a while. Levi was glad, he could focus on helping Mr. Arlert. It was much more taxing than Levi anticipated and he was glad he was doing the initial compressions, who knew if Armin could have handled having to crack his grandfather's ribs. Armin came to his side.

“I can take over for a little while,” Armin said.

“I want to continue for a few more minutes more, then you can go,” Levi said. Armin ran inside and got a bottle of water for Levi. They seamlessly switched places and Levi took a break. If Levi was honest, he could have continued but Armin was fully capable of helping, and Levi knew he could work longer if he got a break every now and then. Armin kept it up as long as he could, but Levi could see he was getting tired.

“It's my turn,” he said. Armin was all too eager to let him continue for him. Levi didn't keep track of how many times he and Armin took turns, but eventually the paramedics came and took over. Armin followed them to the ambulance. Levi put his hand on Armin's shoulder to try and keep him from going.

“Don't traumatize yourself. Stay with me, I'll drive you to the hospital,” he said.

“What if he dies alone in the ambulance! I have to be there!” Armin cried. Levi was a little taken aback, he had never seen Armin express himself so clearly much less yell at him. But he knew the feelings too well. Levi released him.

“Go,” he said. Armin ran off and climbed into the ambulance after his grandfather. Once they were gone, Levi changed quickly and grabbed a change of clothes for Armin and threw them in a bag. He hurried over to the hospital. Just as he found a parking spot, Hange called. She had been doing some work at the hospital and Armin called her. Apparently Mr. Arlert was rushed into the emergency operating room and Armin and Hange weren't allowed in. When he finally found them, Armin was wearing Hange's lab coat, shaking and cowering near Hange. He didn't see Levi approach.

“H-he was right, Zoë. I should have gone with him. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could be strong for Grandpa, but...” Armin trailed off. Hange held him close.

“You don't have to face this on your own,” she said. Armin finally noticed Levi. He hunched over in shame and fear.

“I'm sorry, Levi. You were right, I should have listened to you,” he said.

Levi shook his head. “I don't know if what I told you was right or wrong. Maybe your grandfather held on because you were there. Who knows? I brought you clean clothes. I think you should change. If you want to, don't do it if you're not up to it.”

Armin took the bag and went to the bathroom to change. Hange stood up and hugged him.

“I'm going to get tea and coffee, what do you want?” he asked.

“Make it mint tea for Armin and I,” she said. Levi got tea for all three of them. When he returned Armin had changed and Levi handed him his cup. He accepted it with a grim look and shaking hands.

“Armin you need to know this, okay? Whatever you do, you're strong,” Levi said. Armin did not look at him. “If you cry, if you fall asleep, if you lean on Zoë, if you ask for help, even if you lose your temper with me, you're strong. You're doing the best you can. Your grandfather cannot ask for more.”

Armin nodded and sniffled. He wiped his eyes and Hange held him closer.

“Do you want to call anyone?” Hange asked.

“Eren. I want to call Eren,” Armin said.

“Do you want me to be with you when you call?”

“No. I want to talk to him on my own. A-and I'm calling Mikasa too,” he said.

“Talk to as many people as you like. We'll be here for you too,” Hange said. Armin turned and hugged her tightly. He released her and went off with his cell phone. Levi held Hange's hand.

“If something happens to Simon, I'm adopting Armin,” she said.

“If you weren't I was. He's almost an adult, but there is no way in _hell_ I'd let the system take him,” he said.

“We'll cross that bridge if we come to it,” Hange said. They were quiet for a moment. Levi pictured Armin and Hange in the garden together. His smile was so bright and Hange seemed so happy.

“You'll be a great parent,” Levi said.

“It's not really parenting. He's already raised. I'm just giving him love and support,” she said.

“How is that not parenting?” she said. Hange smiled.

“I always wanted kids. Maybe not under such circumstances, but if Armin will have me, I'll be happy to be whatever he wants to view me as and support him,” she said. “Did you ever want children?”

“No,” Levi said. He didn't want to admit that he had been utterly repulsed by the idea for the longest, that it struck him with such terror. He didn't want to tell her he was warming up to the idea since he met her. He certainly didn't want to admit that he'd pictured their children and named them already. Armin had not been factored in. Levi wasn't upset by the idea of Armin being the first child. Though if Hange adopted him, the only way that could be official is if he married Hange and that opened a whole new set of anxieties.

But for now, his arm around Hange and his dream family in his head was enough.

* * *

Mr. Arlert was in stable condition. He had a hart attack, nothing directly related to his cancer. He was extremely weak, it was a miracle he was even alive. Armin stayed the night in the hospital and Hange stayed with him. Levi went home and cleaned Hange's house a bit before going to work. He came back around noon to check on things.

Hnage was home and Armin was with her making sandwiches. Armin glanced at him briefly before turning back to the food. Hange smiled at Levi, but fatigue tugged at her features.

“I told Armin to stay home from school,” she said.

“Good idea,” he said. “How are you feeling, Armin?”

“Fine,” Armin said quickly.

“We're going to rest a bit and then go back to the hospital with Mikasa and Eren when they get off from school,” she said. “They're staying the night with us.”

“I'll get the the basement ready for company. Should I cook?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Hange said.

“I'm going to. What do you like, Armin?”

Armin wouldn't look up. “I don't know.”

“I'll think of something,” Levi said.

Hange handed him a plate with a sandwich.

“You want to eat with us?” she asked.

“Sure,” Levi said. The three of them sat at the table. This wasn't the first time, it was just the three of them alone. But Mr. Arlert had almost always been in the house. This time, his absence was keenly felt. And this time, for the first time, Levi had felt the very real pressure of the inevitable, that this was indeed going to be his future, the thee of them, like this, pulling together through good times and bad. Though he masked it, he broke out in a cold sweat in panic. What if he screwed up? What if he ended up like...like _them_? He didn't finish his lunch so Hange and Armin wouldn't notice his shaking hands. Levi left to return for work and Hange followed him to the door. She kissed his cheek.

“You okay?” she asked.

He nodded. “Just...worried is all.”

“What about? You want to tell me?”

He wasn't sure he was ready to admit his fantasy of a family to the person he didn't want to feel pressured to have sex. He hugged her.

“I just want to take care of you guys,” he said. She snuggled closer.

“You're doing fine,” she said. He snorted. “We'll talk more later. Okay?”

He nodded and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He still felt uncertain, but he had to talk to someone. Someone who had hands on experience with fatherhood. Before he went back to inspecting houses, he made a phone call.

“Hello? I know it's been a while. A long, long time. I need some advice. May I come see you tomorrow? I'll come after hours like I used to.”

* * *

He waited outside of the library for what seemed like ages. He thought he was going to lose his mind. He found himself rubbing his hands against his pants leg several times. Finally, he saw the doors being locked. He got up and went to the back of the building. He hesitated before he knocked but the door was opened to him before he could do anything. Levi wanted to smile, but he was too anxious. He didn't have to do anything or explain. He was warmly embraced by the older man who had been waiting for him.

"Pixis," Levi said. He put a hand on his back but couldn't move himself to really return the hug. When he got hugs from people who weren't Hange he didn't know what to do.

"Levi," the older man said. "It's good to see you.”

"I'm sorry I haven't called. I've been busy," Levi said. Pixis beckoned for him to come in.

"I figured as much. Someday you'd be too busy for someone as old as me," he said. Levi entered the building.

"It's not so simple as that," he said. "I...I think I found someone."

Pixis stopped walking and turned around in in surprise.

"Found someone, eh? As in, you have actually fallen in love?"

Levi didn't know why he felt reduced to blushing, but he was. Pixis laughed.

"It's good to finally hear it. No more cavalier poetry for you. You have joined the ranks of the true romantics," he said.

"Yeah. But Dot...she's not like everyone else.”

“If she got you, I doubt she would be.”

“Hange...she makes me open up to other people. I'm finding room in my heart for more than just her. She's going to adopt this boy, a teenager, who's going to be orphaned soon. His grandfather is dying. I pictured having a family with her, but I never thought that it would be so soon. Pixis...what if I end up like...I can't possibly hurt both of them. I really love her and I like the kid..."

Pixis took him to the circulation desk.

"You remember this desk?" he said.

"Yes. We met here," he said.

"You were drunk, could barely stand and only about thirteen years old. And what did you ask for?"

"The Count of Monte Cristo," he said. He chuckled.

"I saw, through the unfocused eyes, and the smell of cheap beer, a boy of true character. Even while drunk probably for the first time, you knew yourself and who you were and what you wanted."

Levi didn't know what to say. He sighed.

"You're thinking very seriously about how much you love this person and whether or not you're ready to be someone's father. It's a sign of true character that you're terrified. How old are you now, Levi?"

"About thirty six," he said.

"And what were your parents doing at your age?" he said. Levi shook his head.

"I don't know. Dad was probably drinking his way up and down the west coast. Mom was probably high off her ass in cheap hotels."

"You have spent your whole life trying to be the kind of person that wouldn't hurt people the way they hurt you. Even if you didn't have a job and a house, you actively care about other people, you would find a way to take care of them."

"No, I'm not that noble. I just don't think I'm that great of a person, much less a father."

Pixis raised his eyebrows. “Really now? Then tell me, why is Erwin your friend?"

"I don't know."

"I think he likes you can two can speak freely. You give him a safe forum. You like him, you give him that freedom and he gives it to you in return. Why about Oluo?"

"I guess, I saved him from getting beat up or something."

"He admires you as the man he wants to be. Someone who protects everyone he cares about. And this person, Hange. Why does she love you?"

He snorted. "The hell if I know. I don't understand why."

"You want confidence to move on in your relationship, to be a father to this boy?"

"More than anything."

"Ask Hange why she loves you. You might be surprised at her reasons."

"I will."

Pixis clapped Levi on the shoulder.

"You've become a fine man. I dare say, even I can look up to you."

Levi shook his head. "You snatched me from the brink of disaster. I can't see how you look up to me."

"Come with me. We have a lot to catch up on. But here is not the place. Let's go to my house, perhaps have some tea?"

Levi nodded. He wondered if this was what being a father was. Someone you could go to for advice and guidance. Someone who you respected and looked up to even when you know their flaws. Someone who despite their flaws and troubles still reached out to help you. Someone you could go to whether you were six or thirty six. It would still be hard, but he might be able to do this.

* * *

Levi was done gardening for the morning. He believed everyone would be sleeping late with the excitement of Mr. Arlert returning from the hospital. He was surprised to see Armin awake so early. He was in the garden, watering his plants and playing with Clorox. Levi took a deep breath. Armin deserved better than him. But fate had put them together and he was going to be damned if he didn't at least try. He walked outside, ready to face Armin. Armin looked up as Levi approached and smiled a bit.

"Good morning, Levi," Armin said.

“Hey,” Levi said. "Listen, Armin. I don't know how to say this..."

He paused. What was he going to say? How did he explain or ask someone that you want to be their parent?

"Levi...are you lost for words?" Armin said.

"Why is that so hard to believe? I'm human. I know how I come off, what Eren says, but I'm just an awkward nerd who likes to garden and have lightsaber battles with Hange."

Armin held Clorox. "I notice that the more I'm around you. Eren made it seem like you were the Bruce Wayne of the neighborhood."

"Really? No. Definitely much nerdier. I'm more like Peter Parker than anything.”

"Bu Hange's the scientist and she cracks more jokes. I think she's a lot more like Spiderman.”

"I'd give her the Riddler."

“The Riddler!” Armin said with a chuckle. "Well...I was going to protest, but I like that for her."

They laughed. Windex did not like her humans making noise when she was not involved. She crawled over onto Levi's lap. She wasn't happy, Levi knew since he was second best, she clawed at Armin's sleeve as a consolation to herself.

"Let's see...who would I be?" Armin said.

"That's tough. You could be so many different kinds of heroes. Martian Manhunter?"

"Too green."

"Green Lanern?"

"Still green."

"Definitely not a Tony Stark. Though you're smart like him. Not broody like Batman. Not overly bombastic like Booster Gold. Man, who is good enough to be Armin...?"

"Bruce Banner," Hange said from the back door. She was holding two mugs.

"You're Bruce Banner. Sweet, smart, kind but you have a dangerous, unexpected ace up your sleeve."

They both turned to each other as she handed them their mugs. Windex ran over to her and as soon as her hands were empty, and she picked her up.

"Did you guys decide who I was?" she asked.

"Well, we couldn't decide between Spiderman and the Riddler,” Armin said.

"Oh, good choices. What about Levi?”

"We didn't choose for him yet."

"Hm...if you could get like grumpier version of Tony Stark..."

“Nick Fury!” Armin said.

“Oh, hell yeah!" Hange said.

“What? No way...I'm not a leader any way...”

“Okay, fine. But you're too nice to be Loki. Batman then.”

"I'm too goofy to be Batman."

“No, you're thinking of Nolanverse Batman. The Animated Series Batman suits you well.”

“Oh...I think she's got a point,” Armin said.

Levi smirked. “Batman it is, then.” He held up his cup and Armin raised his mug to toast the agreement. "Hey, guys. I was thinking today we could go to the library. Not in town though, the one that was near my house where I grew up. I would like you guys to meet a friend of mine."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back. It's back. It's back.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi felt like he was in a video recording that was in fast forward. It felt like he woke up and the next thing he knew he was walking some strange girl down the aisle.

Despite the fact that the two of them seemed serious and cut of marble, Levi and Erwin lived to lovingly irritate each other. Levi was a touch more prone to it since he had no reputation to uphold in the community. All while Erwin was planning his wedding, Levi had been nothing but supportive. However, he wanted to make sure he was allowed his final digs while Erwin was still legally single. He had hoped taking Hange along for his tuxedo fitting would have at least mildly annoyed him. It turned out to be the opposite, as Erwin was actually quite glad she was there and it somehow ended up with the two of them irritating him, never quite being satisfied with his look. The kicker was when after they literally put him through hell, they went with the first tuxedo he tried on.

It was only later that he found out that they were actually using him to choose a look for Hange the rest of the time, the first look was what Erwin had decided long ago. Needless to say, Levi was all but seething and seeking revenge somehow.

In a way, it was a bit of a reward. Levi got to see Hange in a proper tuxedo. When she tried it on she was adorable so he was interested to see what it looked like when she got one that was just right for her. They entered the shop hand in hand just a few days before the wedding. If it had been anyone else's wedding Levi might have just picked up his tuxedo and gone home, but this was Erwin. He had to make sure the fit was perfect. Hange wanted to try hers on because Levi was trying his on. They entered neighboring dressing rooms so they could talk.

"What are you going to do with your hair that day?" he asked.

“I don't know,” she said.

"Do you have any ideas?"

"Nope."

“You can't wear a suit that nice and not do anything else. Maybe you can ask Petra for ideas. She's always ready and willing to play makeover fairy."

Hange groaned. "Do you want me to look like Petra?"

"Hardly. Petra can do something _you_ actually like. It's just a suggestion."

She was silent and Levi was worried. He didn't really want to offend her or push her to do something she didn't want.

"You know, I do kind of want to have a different look. It might actually be fun."

"Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"What if I'm way more comfortable showing up in a T-shirt and jeans?"

"Fine. It might be fun to piss off Erwin. He's been been a real prick lately."

"He only wants his wedding to be perfect. He really cares about Marie, y'know,” Hange said.

"I guess I understand that" he said.

"Wouldn't you be nervous if you had to try and plan such a big day for someone you cared about?"

"My wedding wouldn't be nearly as large so, I wouldn't have most of his problems."

"And who would you be marrying Mr. Ackerman?"

"You of course."

He stopped buttoning his shirt. He said that a little too quickly. The rustle of clothes stopped in Hange's side. She giggled and for once he was glad she couldn't see him, his face was bright red, he'd never hear the end of it. He wouldn't hear the end of it as it was.

"Damn it, I now you know how I feel,” he said.

"It's cute. You actually think about marrying me, huh?" she said.

He stepped out of the dressing room to wait for her. "I'm in a relationship with you, I think about it a lot.” Levi crossed his arms outside of Hange's dressing room. He tapped his foot a bit and growled impatiently. "Just come out. I'm sure you look fine.”

"I don't know. I like it, but it's nothing compared to you," she said.

"You won't know unless you come out," he said. She sighed and exited the dressing room. When she pulled back the curtain he couldn't help but smile.

"You look great," he said. She looked back at the mirror and he glanced over her shoulder. The pants hugged her ass just so, it was perfect in his opinion.

"You think so?" she said and squinted a bit.

He grabbed her hand and dragged her in front of the larger mirror so she could see how they looked together.

"Yeah, I really do," he said. "This is the first time you've ever been properly fitted for a tux right?"

"Second," she said.

"Oh. Oh! Right. I'm sorry,"" he said.

"This time around I have a person to help me in case someone wants to jump me," she said.

"I don't know if you need me. You're pretty good at boxing from what Nanaba says," Levi said.

"Well, how do you know unless you come and watch me? Even better you should come and fight me! It will be so cool!" she said. He chuckled and straightened her bowtie. She did the same for him and giggled.

"I need to take pictures and send it to Erwin and let him know my tuxedo is in my possession and I will be ready for Saturday."

"That's right, don't let the groom worry," she said.

"Ugh, he's more anal about this than Marie. She's so easy going. She's just a very happy pregnant woman marrying the man of her dreams.”

“Erwin's giving her nothing to worry about, he's taking on everything it seems. Really, stop picking on him, Levi. You know you'd be worse than him,” Hange said as they returned to the changing rooms.

Levi opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. He hated when he was like this. He actually had a lot to say on the subject of a wedding with Hange, but he couldn't actually say anything about it. He didn't want to pressure her and think that he was pushing her into something she didn't want or wasn't ready for. But he had thought about their wedding extensively and knew exactly what he wanted and would adjust according to what Hange wanted as well. They paid for everything and returned to their car.

"Do you think Erwin will be upset I'm not wearing a dress to his wedding?" she asked.

"No. I don't think he'll care as long as you dress formally. He didn't react when you wore the powder blue tuxedo to prom," he said.

"Prom is one thing, your wedding is another. Will Marie be upset?" she asked.

"No. I told you, she's a happy pregnant woman. She's literally one of the happiest people in the world right now. One of her bridesmaids backed out at the last minute because she got very sick and she literally did not care. She sent the girl flowers and hoped she got better and talked Erwin of of a ledge after he heard the news. The other groomsman just decided to step down and be a normal guest and help out as he could. "

"That was very nice. Poor Erwin though."

"It's a big day and I guess things aren't ideal for Marie. I mean she's starting to show. She's five months along and a bit uncomfortable. So Erwin's trying to compensate for anything bad by making the day perfect. But I'm almost certain they could have eloped and she would have been happy."

"Erwin wouldn't have been happy though," she said.

Levi laughed. "No, he would not. Is Armin going to be okay on his own that night?"

"Yeah. Grisha and Carla are going to be at the wedding too, so Mikasa, Eren, and Armin are all going out to eat and staying at Mikasa's place."

"That's good. I 'm glad when Armin can be with his friends, it makes me feel a little better. It's good to be with people you like when times are hard," he said.

"Wow, listen to you. The loner himself admitted that being with friends is a good thing," she said.

Levi snorted. "Shut up, Shitty Glasses."

She grinned and looked out the window turned on the music. He smirked. He also was a little invested in the day going well. He did want Erwin to be happy. Though he knew it would be harder for people to detect, Erwin actually had a wide range of emotions under his stony exterior. Right now Erwin was extremely tense and it was starting to seep out into his daily life. But Levi had confidence he'd keep it together enough for the wedding.

* * *

Levi stayed over Erwin's house the night before the wedding. Marie was overjoyed to have the guys over. She insisted that she stay the night before with Erwin. Her family would pick her up early the next day to help her get ready. Levi thought this was a good idea since Erwin was only calm in her presence. Marie was making mixed drinks (that she could not consume) for everyone. She handed Levi his drink and give gave him a big hug.

"Thank you for putting up with us during this time. It couldn't have been easy," she said.

"Erwin is my...friend. I kind of owe it to him to make sure he's happy, since you're already so smiley," he said.

"He was so worried that you weren't going to be his best man you know. I think he was more worried about asking you to be his best man than he was to ask me to marry him," Marie said.

Erwin came over to the two of them and put his arm around Marie.

“Is everything okay over here?” he asked.

“Everything is wonderful,” Marie said. He kissed her temple.

“Good. Now it's your decision, but I think we should go to bed early. I want you to be well rested tomorrow,” Erwin said.

“Oh, I plan on it. It takes me forever to fall asleep,” she said.

“Do you want tea? Do you need help at all?” he asked, placing his hand protectively on her stomach.

Marie shook her head. “No, I'm fine.”

“Just call if you need anything.”

She kissed his cheek. “I know, I know. Love you.”

She patted his shoulder and went upstairs.

“You are so whipped,” Levi said.

Erwin sighed. “You will be too, if you're not already.”

Levi raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his drink. He didn't want to admit he was jealous of Erwin. He still dreamt of putting his hand reverently on Hange's pregnant belly someday. He decided to focus on the moment.

“So no bachelor party for you, I take it? Unless Nile or Oluo has other plans,” Levi said.

“No. I'm a father, it's really weird to be staring at strippers and getting drunk and then facing my pregnant wife the next day,” Erwin said.

“For a lot of people, that's life,” Levi said.

“Hm. Yes, I suppose. Did you want a stripper?”

Levi snorted and shook his head no. He _did_ want to be curled up around Hange and rubbing his cheek against her boobs. They had slept apart before, but he greatly preferred to be with her. He settled in relatively early. Sleep did not come easily, he kicked off the sheets and kept reaching for a hand or a waist that was not there. He did not expect Hange's absence to be so unsettling. Finally, at around one in the morning he broke down. He called her. The phone rang a few times and went to voicemail. He hung up and lay on his back for a while. He was indeed, just being a huge child. His phone rang and he picked it up immediately. Hange.

“Levi! Is everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. I...just wanted to say good night,” he said.

“Mm...that's sweet. You guys must be partying hard if you're just getting to bed now. Doesn't seem to be Erwin's style though,” she said.

“I...I'm the only one still awake,” Levi said.

“Oh? Are you nervous? You're not getting married tomorrow. Unless there's something you want to tell me,” she said.

“No. I just...”

“You just...?”

He didn't know what to say or exactly what he was feeling.

“Did you just want to hear my voice?” she asked.

“Maybe,” he said. It was all he could say.

“Did you have trouble sleeping?”

“Maybe.”

“Did you just want to hear me say good night?”

“Maybe.”

“Good night, Levi.”

“Night, Zoë.”

She hung up. He tried to fall asleep. It was a little easier, but then his phone chimed. He received a photo and a message from Hange. He opened his message.

“I've never done something like this before. I really trust you,” she wrote. He opened the attached picture and bit his lip so hard it might have bled if all his blood hadn't rushed to his nether regions. Hange was sleeping in his house apparently, he recognized his sheets. She was laying back on his bed, her brown waves spreading like a bronze halo around her head. What really turned him on was the fact that she was wearing one of his undershirts. She was wearing _only_ his undershirt. He could see her pink nipples through the thin fabric and he could see the full curve of her hips, despite the fact that she pulled down the shirt to hide most of her. She had to know what she was doing to him.

“I'm more of an ass man, but this will do. You're supposed to help me sleep, not get me excited,” he wrote.

“I really trust you with that picture,” she said.

“I won't need it long. I'll have the real thing tomorrow,” he said. “I'm gonna kiss you so hard.”

“We're pathetic. It's only been one night,” Hange said.

“I know,” he said.

“Good night. I'm really going to sleep this time.”

“Night.”

He half considered kissing his phone, but that was too cheesy. He was already behaving like a lovesick moron, he didn't want to make it worse. Maybe he was responding to everyone's high emotions over the wedding. Every groomsman had something they were hung up over. Nile had basically gone into his room and cried (and drank) himself to sleep. Oluo was torn between attempting to mirror Levi and Erwin's stone faced indifference and crying whenever Marie was around. Erwin was so tightly wound he was ready to snap. Everyone was emotional. Levi closed his eyes. It would all be over tomorrow. He'd be safe in Hange's arms the next night.

* * *

Levi felt like he was in a video recording that was in fast forward. It felt like he woke up and the next thing he knew he was walking some strange girl down the aisle. Erwin was having a painfully traditional wedding and the only reason they didn't have in a church was because Marie requested not to have one there. Instead of a church, Erwin had rented out the old town hall building. Levi had to admit that it was nice. He wasn't focused much on the ceremony, he furtively searched the crowd for Hange. It was no use. He couldn't quite pick her out. He was certain a gorgeous woman in a tuxedo would stand out, but if she was blocked by someone, he supposed it would be pointless to keep looking.

On the way back up the aisle, he saw her. She was wearing her tuxedo, but her hair was straight, she had ditched her glasses, and she was wearing make up. Her gaze was made sultry by smokey eyeshadow and her eyes caught his. It felt like he was moving in slow motion as they stared at each other. Her eyes weren't the first thing he noticed though. He had been drawn in by her red lips. Now how was he supposed to concentrate when all he could think about was her intense, dark gaze and tempting lips? At least he had inspiration for smiling when taking pictures. He thought he was going to die during dinner. He had to sit at the table with the bridal party and he couldn't keep his eyes off Hange. Every move was captivating, the way she ate, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the way she smiled. He just wanted to talk to her. Plus he needed her help. He got his chance. Erwin insisted on having a first dance and a series of parental dances and Levi left the table and tapped Hange on the shoulder. She smiled and followed him out of the reception room. They held hands as they walked outside to the green together. It was surprisingly quiet for the early evening. Before they got to far Hange pushed him back a bit so she could admire him.

“You look great,” Hange said.

“So do you.”

“No, you don't understand, this whole look...I don't know how to describe it. It kind of does something for me.”

Levi raised his eyebrow. “Elaborate.”

“Well, I when I was younger, I didn't really like boys. But I distinctly remember being ten years old and watching Titanic for the first time. And for most of the movie I wanted to _be_ Jack Dawson. Y'know, scrappy runaway. Until the dinner scene, when he was wearing his tuxedo with his hair slicked back. Very much like you are right now. It was the first time I ever thought, 'Wow. I want that person to kiss me.'”

Levi snickered. “So what did you think when you saw me today?”

“It hasn't changed,” she said.

“So slicked back hair and a tuxedo turns you on. I'll remember that.”

“I kind of want to do a little more than just kiss you...”

He looked at her with interest. “Really now.”

“Just a little more...”

He reached to touch her face but stopped. She smiled and held his hand against her cheek.

“You tried something new. You tried a lot of new things,” he said.

“It's weird,” she said.

“Are you wearing contacts?”

“Yeah. It's odd without my glasses, though.”

“Easier to kiss the space between your eyes.” He pulled her down by her lapel so he could kiss her. “Do you like your look?”

“I do! It's fun to look different for a little bit,” she said.

“Good. I like it when you're happy,” he said. He stopped and ran a hand through her hair. He stared into her eyes. Whatever she did—something with mascara and a dark pencil—made her eyes seem so much richer. He was trying not to stare at her lips, but the color was so bright.

“You like it?” she asked.

“I want that lipstick all over my face. Damn, I meant: 'yes, I like it,'” he said.

She laughed and pressed her forehead against his. “You can't look a mess when you give your best man speech.”

“Of course I can.”

“A neat freak like you wants to look all disheveled for a big speech?”

“It will piss Erwin off.”

“Let's do it.”

She kissed his cheek, but Levi knew what he wanted. He held her head steady and pressed his lips firmly against hers before kissing her bottom lip. Somewhere between all the kissing, he tangled his fingers in her hair, the other had was at the small of her back. He pulled away, just so he could look at her. Her hair was a bit messy, her lipstick was smeared, her cheeks were flushed and she was smiling. He pulled her against him.

“Your ass looks amazing in that tuxedo,” he said.

“So does yours,” she said. “I just want to squeeze it.”

“You'd better.”

She laughed and undid his bow tie. She left a trail of kisses along his neck and just as she got to below his ear, she gave his ass a firm squeeze. He moaned and arched against her.

“You can do the same to me,” she whispered in his ear.

“This won't do then,” he said. He grabbed her and pulled her over to a low garden wall. He hopped on and pulled her close. She bit her lip and rubbed her nose against his. He hummed and put his arms around her. She lightly kissed his cheeks and his lips . He didn't want these gentle pecks. He bit her bottom lip and nipped at her upper lip as well. As much as he wanted to have her make up smeared on his face, he wanted to taste her mouth. He pulled her into an open mouth kiss and as she wrapped her arms around his neck, he wrapped his legs around her hips. He pressed harder against her and let his hands linger on the small of her back, just above above the curve of her backside. She hummed against his lips.

"Go ahead, I want you to," she whispered, her lips brushing against his. He let his hand wander and he gave her a good hard squeeze. She squeaked and and giggled. "You're gonna get us in trouble." she said.

"I don't even care."

He continued to savor the feel of her mouth and tongue until there was an uncomfortable cough from some distance away. They both turned to see Oluo. Hange laughed and put her head on Levi's shoulder to hide her blush. Levi stared Oluo dead in the eye.

"What do you want?" he said.

"Um...your speech..." Oluo said.

"I'm ready," Levi said and slid off the wall.

"A-are you really?" he said.

"Yes."

Oluo didn't say anything else and Hange giggled. She held his hand while Oluo trailed behind them.

"I'm going to go freshen up. Do your best," she said.

"Good. See you."

He kissed her quickly on the lips and entered the reception hall. He was very well aware of the stares and whispers and the look of sudden death Erwin was giving him. But Levi marched right to the front of the room and grabbed the mike that was handed to him. He took a glass of champagne and held it. He knew that Erwin was ready to snap his neck. He licked his lips and got ready to speak.

"I'm supposed to say all sorts of things about Erwin. Share embarrassing secrets. Share an emotional story. I don't really think I have to. We know he's a good guy. He's a role model to adults and children alike. But let's focus more on the real reason we're all here. We're not just here for Erwin today, we're here because he chose Marie. I know exactly what I look like. I know for a fact that right now Erwin is about ready to murder me. He's gone out of this his way to make this day perfect for Marie and here I am ruining it. Erwin, I see you're about to pop a blood vessel and I know you're very angry. Things aren't going to plan. But I want you to look at Marie right now."

This was the only variable in Levi's plan. Marie's reaction. If the past few months were any indication, he knew he'd be fine.. Marie was actually stifling laughter. She met eyes with Erwin and his anger subsided just a bit.

"So take a lesson from this. That it doesn't matter what messes life throws you. All you have to do is look to Marie. That's all you need. Whatever she feels should steer your choices. That's all. You guys will do fine. I wish you all the best." He raised his glass. "To the Smiths. All three of them."

Erwin gave him an almost defeated smirk and raised his glass. Marie gave him a flashy grin.

Once the toast was over, he looked to see if Hange had returned. She was back at her table and he dared to wink at her. Dinner concluded and there was a bit of dancing. He sat next to Hange at her table.

"You cleaned up really fast." he said.

"Some of the ladies in the bathroom helped me. I'm hopeless at this.”

He put his arm around her. "You like dancing. Why aren't you out there?"

"I want to dance with you, but you don't dance."

"One dance. A slow dance. So I can look into your eyes."

"You're being extra flirty today."

"It's the day. Sorry."

She kissed his cheek. "I kind of think it's cute."

The music slowed and he stood up and held out his hand.

"Shall we dance?" he asked.

She took his hand and went with him to the dance floor He held her close, with his arms around her waist. She giggled and bit her lip.

"You look a mess," she said.

"It's your fault and I don't care."

"You should leave it for a little bit. I think it's kind of hot." She leaned in closer. "So does smeared lipstick turn you on?"

"If it's yours it does." He held her close and put his head on her shoulder. "I want to go back home and just hold you.”

"You'll get the Hange you saw in the picture last night."

He perked up at that. “Really? I can't just hold her. She must be thoroughly kissed and I've got to feel that ass up.”

Hange barely suppressed her grin and her cheeks turned red. She ran the back of her hand against the side of his face.

“Levi, I...I want to get mentally ready for...maybe...you know...but I need time to get there.”

He kissed her palm. “It's okay.”

She sighed. “You're patient. But I want to get more comfortable with you. It's why I'm letting you touch me in places I wouldn't let you before. I'm ready for that now. I...I want you to know what makes _me_ feel comfortable and sexy. It's going to take time because I'm not sure myself but...”

“You can experiment, we'll figure it out together,” he said.

She blinked rapidly, and her eyes grew wet with unshed tears. “I'm so safe with you...”

He used a degree of restraint and did not kiss her neck with too many people around. But he did kiss her gently on the cheek. He loved the way she felt in his arms. He knew he was sure as hell not having anything like a first dance at his wedding. He just wanted his close friends, whoever he considered family, something small.

He imagined it, a wedding in a garden. Hange framed by delicate white roses. No, tiger lilies were more her style. He moved away so he could study her face. He tucked her straightened hair behind her ear. She smiled and he felt his whole world become hazy as he looked into her eyes. He didn't need anything else. Just her, whatever she wanted to give. Words were beyond him. He pressed his forehead against hers.

“I know,” she whispered.

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin seemed to grow more and more anxious as prom got closer. He seemed physically healthy, he ate well, seemed to be getting enough sleep. But he seemed afraid to look Hange in the eye. If she was intimidating like Levi, she'd understand but she knew she wasn't.

Armin stirred his cereal all through breakfast and scarcely ate a thing. Hange watched him with great concern. He stole a quick glance at her before smiling and looking down.

“Prom's coming up soon,” Hange said.

“Yeah. I'm taking Annie,” he said.

“Wow, I thought she was leaving for her training already,” Hange said.

“Not yet. She wanted to stay until prom, then she's leaving for her Olympics training. She's always climbing all over Reiner and Bertholdt, I'm surprised she didn't go with one them...”

“She seems to like you,” Hange said.

“I think she wants Mikasa and Eren to come with us so it's like the Olypmic hopefuls and their dates.”

“I didn't know Mikasa was going to the Olympics,” Levi said.

“Well, first, they're not actually _going_ yet, they're just intensifying their training so they can qualify for Team USA. Mikasa's judo coach isn't too far, so she's staying home. But Annie's gymnastics coach is a few states away.”

“Are you going to miss her?” Levi asked.

Armin got up to pour out his cereal. “I honestly don't know. I'm not even sure why she even talks to me.”

“You're an amazing person, Armin. Of course she likes being around you,” Hange said. Armin flushed bright red.

“You...you think so?”

Hange got up and hugged him. “Of course I do.”

“Thanks. I'll start the car, Levi. Have a good day, Zoë,” he said. He hurried off. Hange started to clean the plates, but Levi stopped her.

“I've got it. You should get Simon's dishes,” he said.

“All right.”

She went into the basement. Mr. Arlert moved slower and slower these days. He often found it difficult to go up the stairs. One of them brought him breakfast so he didn't feel obligated to come upstairs. Hange found Mr. Arlert sitting in his bed. He was petting Clorox when she came in. He grinned.

“Hello, Zoë. How was Armin this morning?” he asked.

“He didn't eat much. He's anxious about something. We talked about prom a little,” she said.

“He does have a lot on his mind,” Mr. Arlert said. “Zoë, let me tell you something of a grave nature.”

Hange felt her heart tighten and her stomach turned over with worry.

“I may have survived my heart attack but...I can feel it, I'm not going to survive the year.”

“Simon...” she said and held his hand.

“Don't try and infuse me with false hope. I'm dying. There will be enough money to pay off the medical bills, but there will be barely anything for Armin to inherit. He'll get my wedding ring and whatever is left in this room. There's nothing for him. He'll have no family left.”

Hange nodded sadly.

“I've considered quite a few people to be Armin's guardian after I'm gone. I suggested them to him and I'll let him make his own decision. But I recommended you as my top choice.”

Hange's glasses slid down her nose as she gaped in surprise. “Me? Why? I mean I really want to adopt him, there's no question but...”

“You care deeply about him. You sacrificed your time and resources to make him feel cared for. Levi has done the same. And though, you two are very much your own people, you remind me of Armin's parents. It's no wonder he feels at home here.”

“I'm honored. I'm scared of the responsibility of being someone's kind of parent...but for Armin I'll try my hardest. If he chooses me, I will say yes.”

Simon hugged Hange. “Thank you, Zoë.”

“Even if he chooses someone else, I'll always help him. Don't worry,” she said. Simon held her tighter and started to sob softly. It was a tall order, but she meant it. She cared so deeply about Armin, whatever he needed, she'd give it to him, even if it wasn't her.

* * *

Hange found it hard to concentrate at work. All she could think of was Armin and what Mr. Arlert had said. She wanted to go home early just so she could make sure he was all right. She supposed she'd have to cut down on the late nights if she was going to adopt Armin someday. Though if Levi was at home, she didn't have to be there. But she wanted to be there, to be a real parent.

What if she did all she could and they still didn't connect? What if they couldn't communicate, or she she let him down? What if she was an utter failure as a parent?

She couldn't have all these unanswered questions. She got up from her work.

“Moblit, take over. I need a break,” she said. He took over without a word. She dialed the one person who had faced what she did and succeeded.

“Mom?” she said.

“Zozo! It is been a while! How are you and Levi?” she said.

“I'm good. Levi's good But listen...Mom, remember I told you we let that neighbor and his grandson—”

“Simon and Armin. You wouldn't stop raving about them last time you called. So much praise for Armin, too.”

“Yeah. He's a good kid. And Simon isn't going to live much longer so...Armin hasn't picked anyone yet, but I'm in the running to adopt him.”

“And you're as terrified and excited as though you're pregnant yourself.”

“He'd basically be my child. I know all he needs at this point is a safe place to stay but I really want to do right by him.”

“Zoë, no one out grows the need for a parental figure, even if they're not your real parent,” her mother said. Hange smiled and thought of Levi and Pixis.

“You're right,” she said.

“He's going to need you at seventeen, he's going to need you at thirty seven. You're in this for life.”

“I'm scared of messing up,” she said.

“Everyone messes up. I promise you Armin is not looking for perfection. Just love.”

“What about Levi?” Hange asked.

“How does he feel about you possibly adopting?”

“He's on board. But...I want us to raise him together.”

“Your relationship with Levi is separate from your relationship with Armin. Armin will be there even in the chance you and Levi split up. But just because you're not married doesn't mean you can't care for Armin together,” her mother said.

Hange nodded. But it just seemed disjointed, Levi in his house and she and Armin in hers.

“Thanks Mom, I feel a little better. I have some decisions to make,” she said.

“I know you'll choose wisely,” her mother said. As Hange hung up, she knew what she had to do. But could she work up the nerve to do it? She wasn't sure.

* * *

Armin seemed to grow more and more anxious as prom got closer. He seemed physically healthy, he ate well, seemed to be getting enough sleep. But he seemed afraid to look Hange in the eye. If she was intimidating like Levi, she'd understand but she wasn't. She knew this.

Erwin requested that Levi and Hange chaperone junior prom. Hange supposed having the two adults you lived with chaperoning your prom could be embarrassing.

She and Armin were gardening together on a Saturday morning. Mr. Arlert was sitting in the sun with Lysol. She wanted to break into the subject gracefully but she couldn't help herself.

“Armin am I embarrassing you?” she asked. He paused and looked up at her.

“No, why?”

“I'm chaperoning your prom with Levi. Will we make you uncomfortable?”

Armin laughed. “No. If anything I feel safer. And Eren's actually excited Levi's going to be there.”

“Ah. I'm glad. Are you sure we're not going to be in your way? “ she asked .

“I don't care, Zoë. I'm really happy you're going to be there, “ he said.

“What are you wearing to prom?” Hange asked.

“Um, Grisha is paying for Eren and I to rent tuxedos. Don't worry about me. I'm taken care of. Just focus on doing your job for Mr. Smith. I don't want you to get in trouble with him.”

“Armin, Levi and I _live_ for trouble with Erwin. As long as you're okay with everything. You would be honest if you didn't want us there, right?”

“Yes. Don't worry. I'll be home after prom, maybe even before you guys. Annie has to finish packing. But can Eren and Mikasa stay over? That's the only request I have.”

“Of course! If their parents are okay with it, they are more than welcome.”

Armin smiled brightly. His smiles warmed her heart so much. “Good. Thank you so much!”

She would give him anything—within reason of course—and yet he asked for so little. Right now, all he wanted was a Saturday morning in the garden and she could give that.

* * *

The list of rules for chaperoning were pretty similar to what they were the year before. Wear mostly black and white was still on the list, and she decided to honor that dress code this year. Hange went suit shopping with Levi, since she did need a nice, normal suit for professional reasons. She also decided to spend the day with Nanaba and Petra like she did last year. She was excited to be with Nanaba again, it felt like she was always too busy to do much more than train with her on the weekends.

Petra signed them up for a spa day and Hange was more than happy to languish in relaxation for a few hours. While they were sitting in the sauna, Petra sighed.

“I love every class I get, but this year they're especially rowdy,” she said. “I was looking forward to prom as an excuse to take time off and have a relaxing day like this!”

“You deserve it. Plus you _are_ marrying Oluo after all and he's a touch high strung,” Nanaba said. Petra smiled dreamily. She put her head in her hands.

“I didn't think I'd ever go for him. He seems so...cheesy, like someone straight out of 'Night at the Roxbury.'”

Hange started to laugh hysterically and slapped her thigh.

Petra smirked. “Hange! It's not that funny!”

“But that's literally the first thing I thought when I first met him!” Hange said.

“Yeah, yeah, he tries too hard sometimes, and we all know he worships Levi. But when you get down to his core, when you really know him he's...just so amazing. At least to me he is.”

“He's so devoted you you. He's been singing your praises since I first met him,” Nanaba said. “I think he started training with me to be more 'worthy' of you.”

“He's such a doofus, I'd take him just as he is,” Petra said.

“You're being awfully quiet, Zoë,” Nanaba said. Hange shrugged.

“I just wanted to hear how Petra feels,” Hange said.

“Yeah, well you're dating the best man. Oluo is still beside himself. Levi even said they were friends. I don't think he's _ever_ said that to him,” Petra said.

“But Oluo's been an excellent friend to Levi. You both have,” Hange said.

“It wasn't always easy believe me. He's calmed down a lot.”

Hange bit her lip. She had always wanted to know, she supposed now was as good a time to ask as any.

“What was Levi like in college?” she asked.

Petra let out a long sigh. “Where do I even begin?”

“When you first met him,” Nanaba said.

Petra crossed her arms and shook her head. “His reputation preceded him. All through my dorm, girls, guys and everyone in between would talk about how great he was in bed and what an amazing kisser he was. I wasn't impressed. He was a year ahead of me, so I assumed I'd never see him. But he was on the gymnastics team and so was I. We would train with the guys sometimes so I had to see him. He was very gifted, but he hated competing. I didn't understand him. He slept around so much you know. I didn't think someone like him could be trusted. I couldn't understand why so many people—good people—liked him. I couldn't understand why Oluo tried to behave like him or why Erwin would choose him as a roommate. It din't make any sense. Levi never did anything bad or flirted with me. He was always distant and a bit cold but then...

Well, one night I was at a party. I had too much to drink and I saw him there necking in a corner with some girl. I got so mad. I told him exactly what I thought of him. I humiliated him in front of everyone. But he didn't say a word. He offered no defense for himself, just let me yell and scream. Well...I got even more drunk after that, too drunk to walk. And he carried me back to my room. I thought he was going to hurt me, but he just took me back, held my hair out of my face while I puked, put me to bed and left. I was so embarrassed. When I saw him at practice I apologized and thanked him. He seemed unaffected but I learned why everyone liked him. There was more to his moral character than the amount of sexual partners he had.

I asked his advice in gymnastics, he even negotiated an extension on a paper for me. He helped me get in touch with people when I was ready to start teaching. He's so kind and supportive in his own way. He doesn't fuss, he doesn't even smile much. You just learn the ways he chooses to express affection.”

Hange grinned. “Oh, Levi.”

“He had this weird desperation for physical affection. But he never tried anything with me,” Petra said. “We went on a date once. But he just kissed my cheek and went home after. He completely backed off when he found out Oluo liked me. He's just...he's not what you'd expect.”

Hange shook her head. “No, he's not.”

She hugged her knees to her chest. Levi was indeed full of surprises. She closed her eyes. Would she have connected with emotionally confused Levi? She was confused and insecure herself, maybe not. Maybe they wouldn't be as close. Either way she was glad they met when they did, a little older, a little wiser, able to accept new partners for what they are and for what they will become. And what would Levi become? Hange grinned to herself. She couldn't wait to find out.

* * *

To Hange, prom never really had much significance, save being nearly beaten to death that one time over a decade ago. Last year was fun because it was her first real prom and she got to see what all of the fuss was about. She supposed that had she been sixteen or seventeen she would have enjoyed herself more. She enjoyed hanging with Nanaba and Mike and holding Levi's hand more than anything.

Oluo was the one to rent the limo this year. He some something about everyone arriving in style, but Hange knew by “everyone” he meant Petra. He was a lovesick puppy turned human and Hange hoped Petra was enjoying every minute of it.

Hange was in a black suit and aside from having kick-ass hair courtesy of Nanaba, she didn't feel there was much to get excited over. When she finished tying her bowtie, she started downstairs. Nanaba stopped her.

“You look great!” she said.

“Thanks, but you want to say something else,” Hange said.

“You could wear these,” she said. Two small tubes. Mascara and tinted lip balm.

Hange sighed. “Fine, fine.”

Hange brushed her eyelashes quickly and put on the lip balm before putting it in her pocket. She had thought about asking Petra to do her make up again, but she didn't feel like going through all the effort. This was chaperoning prom for one thing. Plus, she didn't need Levi being all grabby like he was at the wedding, Erwin would kill her.

She sat in Petra's living room and waited. She was the one to answer the door when the guys arrived. Mike wordlessly scooped her up in a hug.

“You get a boyfriend and have people living with you and suddenly you have no time for me,” he said.

She laughed. “I miss you too!”

“Seriously, Levi and I go running and work out several times a week and you haven't called us in a month. You guys are coming over and you're bringing the Arlerts.”

“Okay, okay!”

He put her down finally. Levi came over and examined her. She smirked.

“Do I pass your standards?” she asked.

“Since my only standard is 'being Hange,' you passed with flying colors. I got you a boutonniere.”

He handed her the plastic container.

“Nice! I'll put it on now!” she said.

“No, _I'll_ put it on you,” he said. They moved near a mirror and he began to pin it to her lapel. “You're not wearing a lot of make up.”

“It's not worth it.”

“I agree. You'd be wasted on these kids. Are you comfortable in that,” he said, indicating her suit.

“Yeah!”

“You look it,” he said. He pulled her own by her lapels. “You look so chill and happy in that and it turns me on.”

“Not tonight Levi. We can't make out in front of the kids,” she whispered.

“You know that's not my style. But we will be making out at some point tonight,” he said.

She laughed, but she knew he was entirely serious.

“Are you two ready?” Nanaba said.

“Yes!” Hange said and linked arms with Levi. He simply glanced up at her as they walked and smirked. She knew he was formulating a plan.

* * *

This year, they didn't have to be as sneaky about holding hands. They entered the venue while Erwin explained the itinerary, and Hange swung their hands back and forth. Levi leaned over.

“Erwin talks forever,” he whispered.

“He's always trying to make things perfect, you know how he is,” she said. He kissed under her ear.

“Levi!” she whispered.

“No one saw me.”

Hange's cheeks burned red, but she smiled.

“You're not going to get away with that,” she said.

“Oh, reall—” She pinched his ass and he stopped talking abruptly. He glared at her, though he couldn't hide his smirk. She bit her lip to keep from laughing. “We can pay this game all night.”

“Just don't get caught,” she said.

“Whoever gets the most wins.”

“Wins what?”

“Hm...the victor decides?”

“I like that idea,” Hange said. She knew what Levi wanted. When he said he enjoyed kissing he certainly wasn't lying. There would likely be no losers in this game. She was still quite uneasy about sex, but she was trying to be more exploratory with her sensual forms of affection. She found herself more open to the idea of sex and more comfortable with their physical chemistry. It was overwhelmingly electric sometimes, but she loved the dizzying rush of learning each other's bodies and turn-ons and hot damn, the kissing. All his practice was paying off.

While prom was mostly fun, the worst was checking the bathrooms. Erwin asked that there be relatively tame romantic contact, policing this was awkward. For the most part the kids were good. She and Levi went to check the bathrooms for drugs, drinking and teen pregnancies. They found nothing, except Ymir and Historia making out. Hange simply told them to pick up it up after prom and they complied rather politely. Hange knew how pissed off she would be if she was interrupted. She met Levi back in the hall in front of the party room.

“You see anything?” he asked.

“Some girls kissing,” she said.

“Good. Hope you were inspired. Let's go to Erwin's car and make out,” he said.

She sighed but grinned. “All right. But we have to be fast!” She grabbed his hand and they hurried outside. “And how do you have the keys to Erwin's car?”

“I was a troubled teen, I learned how to pick pockets. Besides, he left his keys in his coat. Classic mistake.”

“I should be worried but I'm so turned on right now...”

“You like bad boys? You don't seem like the type.”

“No, just you.”

They ran into the parking lot and found Erwin's car. Levi opened the back door for Hange like the gentleman he pretended to be, but she grabbed him and threw him on the seat. She could tell he hadn't been man handed in a long time, before he could fully comprehend what happened, Hange was crawling over him with a devious glint in her eye. She lightly tugged on his tie and and leaned over and gently raked her teeth over his earlobe. He bit back a deep throated moan. Hange giggled wickedly as she straddled his hips. She smirked as she looked into his eyes.

“You know I love it when your hair is slicked back,” she said. She ran a hand through his hair. “I know you like it when I do this...”

She loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. She gently bit him, leaving shallow indents all along his collar bone before she licked one spot on his neck.

“Right there. That spot is mine,” she said.

“That's all you want? I'm all yours, y'know,” he said.

“You say that because you're at my mercy. If _all_ of you is mine, then...” She licked his lips and he chuckled. “Are those mine too?”

“Hell yeah they are.”

She started to lick his lips again, but he caught her tongue between his lips and pulled her into and open mouth kiss. She moaned a little and settled her weight on top of him. This was the part she liked the most. Tongues darting in months, hands in each other's hair. He was trying to be respectful, but she had hoped after she'd pinched his ass all night, he'd get the idea that she wanted it too. Finally, she grabbed his hands and moved them, so he'd figure it out. With the final clue in place, he gave her ass a much needed squeeze. She moaned into his mouth before pulling away.

That is what you wanted, right?” he asked breathlessly.

She nodded. “Sorry, just lost my breath for a moment.” She paused before she smirked. He narrowed his eyes.

“Don't,” he said.

“'You take my breath away,'” she sang. He pulled her down and her lips crashed against his and they bumped noses. She couldn't stop laughing and he rubbed his nose. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Now where were we.”

There was a tap at the window and they both looked up in horror. Pissing Erwin off while always comical, carried a degree of risk. Thankfully, it was Marie and she seemed highly amused. The two of them sat up and Levi opened the door.

“Well, hello you two! I was just a little sickened by the smell of teen B.O. It's worse since I'm pregnant and all. I come out here and there's two horny teenagers making out in my husband's car,” she said.

“Sorry, Marie,” Hange said.

“Are you kidding? This is hilarious! Erwin will wonder where you guys were. Just say you were checking the parking lot for wayward teens. Oh, and I'll put his keys back in his jacket.”

“You saw me?” Levi said.

“I did. I was a troubled teen too, y'know.”

“Well, breaking in and setting off the alarm isn't exactly something that inspires kissing,” Levi said.

“No, I agree. Much easier just to steal the keys. Hange's got a good guy with a bit of a bad boy streak. I see the draw,” Marie said with a wink.

Levi groaned and Hange laughed and hugged his arm.

“We're done for now, we'll let you have your alone time,” he said.

“Thanks guys. Have fun!” she said. The two of them walked back and rejoined the others. Almost as though the explosive contact sated them for a while, they were content with holding hands for the rest of the night. When they returned, Armin ran over to Hange with a blonde girl. Hange smiled at him and Levi nodded and released her hand.

“How's your night going?” Hange asked.

“It's fun. Um, I want you to officially meet Annie, my date,” he said.

Hange held out her hand and Annie shook it. Levi nodded to her as well.

“Nice to meet you two. Armin talks about you guys a lot,” Annie said.

“You look beautiful,” Hange said.

“Really? I wish I picked a different color dress. This blue apparently makes me look like the ice girl from the Disney movie,” she said.

“Well, you look really nice,” she said.

Annie managed a half smile and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Thanks.”

“Um...Hange. One question. Will you...will you dance with me? Just one song,” Armin asked.

“You're not going to be embarrassed in front of your friends?” Hange asked.

“All my real friends said I should dance with you,” he said. Hange took his hand.

“Of course I'll dance with you,” she said. As they ran out to the dance floor, as they laughed and goofed off and sang along with the song, Hange couldn't help but smile. Her heart felt so full. She could have danced with him all night in the house and still loved it just as much. She vowed she'd support him, wherever he decided to go, but she wanted him to be with her. She was as certain about Armin as her child as she was about Levi as her partner (because in her mind Levi was definitely above boyfriend at this point). The song ended and Hange returned to her post, Levi handed her a bottle of water.

“You looked really happy out there with him,” he said.

“I was,” she said.

“It like you were meant to be his parent.”

“Don't start that.”

“Come on, you both are huge science-y brainiac nerds. Your affection for each other is natural.”

“It just feels like I've know in much longer,” she said. She meant it both figuratively and, quite frankly, literally. She didn't know how to explain it exactly.

“I know,” Levi said and squeezed her hand. Hange had that feeling about Levi, liked she'd known him before. She thought it was just the romance, but when she started feeling this way about Armin, she was worried about her mental state. But until it truly messed with her perceptions of reality, she decided not to worry over much. There was a silence between the two of them. Like acknowledging it would break something fragile.

“What I mean is you two were meant to be nerd-parent and nerd-child,” he said.

“And you? What about you?”

“He makes you so happy, I wouldn't separate you for the world. But I care about him too. He's inspiring in a lot of ways. I can't help but admire it.”

She wanted to say something but kept quiet. If they were married they could just adopt him at the same time. But she didn't know exactly how Levi felt about marriage and she didn't want to scare him. He was open to it, but how open, she wasn't sure. They might have to talk about it eventually, but not now. They were having too much fun.

Levi pulled her onto the dance floor for the last dance. And while they only had eyes for each other, they both kept sneaking glances at Armin. Levi kissed her cheek.

“Regardless of what we are legally, he's ours,” Levi said. “I really feel it.”

She squeezed him a little. “Yeah.”

* * *

Hange and Levi slept in the next day. Well, Hange slept in, when she woke up Levi was filling out reports for work on his computer. She wormed her way over to him and pressed her face against his side. He put his arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.

“Morning,” he said. All she could do was groan in response. “You act like you were actually partying last night.”

“Why are you working on a Saturday?” she asked.

“It's only one thing I have to do. But don't change the subject. Armin and the kids are up already, I can hear them downstairs. They were the ones actually having fun.”

“I had fun making out with you,” she said.

“Yeah, but you can do that any time.”

She sat up so she could kiss his neck. “Like right now?”

Levi closed his laptop and she kissed along his jawline. She pressed her lips gently against his a few times before she heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Clorox meowing.

“Our kid is coming,” Levi mumbled against her lips.

“Just one taste,” she said. She stroked his tongue languidly just as Armin knocked on the door.

“Zoë, are you awake?” he asked. Hange kissed Levi one last time before pulling away and smoothing her hair.

“I am, you can come in,” she said. Armin entered with Clorox in his arms.

“Sorry to bother you guys but um...I made you breakfast so...” he said. Hange crawled out of bed and hugged him.

“Thank you!” she said.

“You haven't even eaten anything yet,” Armin said.

“I'm sure it'll be fine.”

“Are you coming too, Levi?”

Levi had gotten out of bed and was putting on his robe. “I am.”

Hange descended the stairs with her arm around Armin's shoulders, Levi was just behind them. She squeezed Armin a little. Mr. Arlert had Eren help him up the stairs. They had to sit in the dining room since there were so many people and so much food. The place settings were neat and appealing. Hange was honestly impressed.

“Good morning everyone! Thanks for breakfast,” she said.

“We helped a little, but Armin did most of the work,” Mikasa said. Armin said nothing, but pulled out a seat for Hange and poured her a cup of coffee. He started to pile her plate with pancakes, but Hange put her hand on his arm.

“You're being very generous, but I really want to enjoy eating this meal _with_ you. Please sit with me,” she said.

“Okay,” Armin replied. Hange rubbed his shoulder and started to eat. She noted that Eren and Mikasa were watching her intently. She was slightly unnerved.

“How do you like breakfast, Zoë?” Mr. Arlert asked.

“It's delicious,” she said.

Armin flushed red. “Really? I'm glad you like it. I really wanted this to be nice for you.”

“Oh? Any particular reason?”

“I...I uh...had an important question, a request, really.”

“Go ahead,” she said. Armin looked own and his face got even redder.

“Will you...will you be my...will you adopt me?” he asked.

Hange dropped her fork. She wanted him to ask, but the actual asking caught her off guard. “Oh, Armin...”

“It's a lot, I-I know. But I really, really like you, Zoë. I can't imagine myself being happier anywhere else. You don't have to call me your son or anything but I—”

She hugged him. “I do. I already do. I'll adopt you.”

Armin glanced over at Levi. “Is...is this okay, Levi?”

“I'd be more upset if she didn't adopt you. You're ours as far as I'm concerned.”

Armin buried his face agains Hange's shoulder. Mr. Arlert wiped his eyes.

“Thank you. Now I know he'll be safe when I go,” he said.

Mikasa pressed her hands against her mouth and her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Eren jumped up from the table and stormed out of the room.

“Damn it, Armin, I can't cry in front of Levi!” he shouted. Armin didn't let Hange go for a long time and she didn't want to let him go. The once tenuous bonds of friendship were growing stronger and more familial. But life had to go on, they released each other. Armin gave Levi a hug as well.

“I want you to know that I encouraged Zoë to adopt you even though I wanted to adopt you myself. You're a good kid, Armin, you deserve her. Besides, I've been in foster care. Even if I it would just be until you were eighteen, there was no way I was letting the system take you from us.”

“That means a lot, Levi. Eren was always a lot more vocal, but I look up to you too. I always kind of hoped to be just a little like you when I got older.”

Hange watched as all the defensiveness in Levi's normal expression drained away, replaced by the shocked and wide-eyed look that she found so endearing.

“I have to make tea. By myself. The measurements are very precise. I have to use my tea set. I'll be back,” He said. Armin turned to Hange in confusion. She grinned and put her arm around him. He understood and they continued breakfast. Eren returned and ate with a vengeance. Levi returned and served tea. Hange was filled with a healthy fear of the new life that lay ahead, but a smile from Armin and the reassuring squeeze of Levi's hand made her ready to face the challenge of parenthood.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the confusion of the adoption and trying to decide new rules and how to interact and what to call each other, the three of them agreed to go camping with Rick. He had invited Armin. Even though the paperwork wasn't done, Rick said Armin was as good as family and should come along.

Officially adopting Armin took a degree of growing pains. The relationship dynamic for all three of them was starting to shift. Hange could not adopt Armin right away, in this circumstance according to state law, she had to become his legal guardian first. All the paper work was submitted and currently in review. Armin was interviewed, Hange and Levi were scheduled to be interviewed in two weeks. The house was going to be inspected in a few weeks and a thorough background check was going to be done on both of them. Levi was a bit concerned about the effect his presence would have on Hange's eligibility since they weren't married. He knew that sometimes the boyfriend could be the most dangerous person a child's life, it happened to many times. Then there was the issue of his slightly checkered past as a wayward teen. Whatever it took to put them at ease, he was willing to do it. He had to admit the process might be smoother if he were married to her. Marriage was starting to seem less and less terrifying, but he wasn't quite sure if he was ready for that.

Still in the confusion of all of this and trying to decide new rules and how to interact and what to call each other, the three of them agreed to go camping with Rick. He had invited Armin. Even though the paperwork wasn't done, Rick said Armin was as good as family and should come along. Armin actually didn't want to go at first, but Mr. Arlert would not hear of him staying behind. He made arrangements to stay with the Ackermans, as in Mikasa's family. Levi didn't say much about it, but he was indeed related to Miksas'a father, they were cousins. Their fathers were brothers and had some sort of falling out and the two never spoke. Knowing his father, Levi was not surprised in the least. Levi was in the same high school his cousin, but given his reputation, he wasn't surprised they never crossed paths. He wondered if Mikasa or Hange were ever curious. Mikasa didn't know him well enough to ask and Hange would give him the space until he was ready to talk.

That was not the focus, because of the Ackerman's generosity, Armin was free to go camping with them. He hesitantly agreed. Hange leant him camping gear and was extremely excited to have him along with her. The two of them were wrapping up the packing the night before. Levi came up from the basement carrying Mr. Arlert's bags.

“Can you two bring all the bags by the door?” Levi asked.

“We will!” Hange said. Levi managed a smile at the excitement in which she responded. She finally had a small family of her own and this was the first normal tradition they were going to enact together. Mr. Arlert came up the stairs slowly, Armin ran to help him. Hange grabbed a bag from Levi and they all went out to the car.

“Enjoy your time out in nature,” Mr. Arlert said.

“I'll take lots of pictures,” Armin said.

“Just focus on enjoying yourself.”

Hange and Levi put the bags in the back seat of the car.

“Good bye, Simon. See you when we get back,” Hange said. He squeezed her hand and grinned.

“Have fun with Armin,” he said.

Hange and Armin waved as they drove off. Mr. Arlert sighed deeply.

“I used to love camping. Used to take Armin's father every year,” he said. Levi gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. He didn't know how to lighten the mood. Simon laughed. “Try not to get eaten by bears.”

Levi let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. They arrived at the Ackerman's house in good time. He carried the bags while Mr. Arlert went to the door. Mikasa answered with a small smile. It was so uncanny, Levi would have thought that she would have resembled her father more, but as she took after grandfather and Levi was reminded constantly that he took after his father's “stubborn ass brother,” some of their mannerisms and facial expressions were shockingly similar. Levi didn't want to observe more, and wonder if all this time his father accused him on not being his was actually true because his mother had slept with him. That didn't seem like something his uncle would do, but he didn't want to know for sure.

Levi left the bags in the front hall by the door and turned to leave.

“Come inside for a minute, Levi. I don't think you've ever been over,” she said. Levi felt compelled to enter. He had no ill will for his cousin, but he wasn't sure how _he_ felt or what he had been told, or what he thought of him based on what he'd known of Levi before.

“Dad's working. I made some tea for Grandpa Simon would you like some?”

Tea was too enticing. “I'll stay for a little while,” Levi said.

Mikasa served tea, and he sat uncomfortably at her kitchen counter. He wanted to leave, but saying no to her was very hard. In some ways, he saw her very much as a child and he didn't want to deny her right to be hospitable.

“Armin said that you guys will be interviewed soon,” she said.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“I'm sure everything will be fine. Hange's such a nice person and you are too, I think. Armin really likes you guys,” she said.

Levi studied her as she spoke. She was quite reserved and he couldn't figure out if it was because of her grandfather or that her mother was also on the quiet side. Nevertheless, she seemed like a good kid, he could see why Armin was friends with her. He finished his tea and Mikasa took his cup.

“I've got to go. Hange's waiting for me,” he said. She nodded.

“I understand. Say hello to Armin and tell him I hope he has a safe trip,” she said. Simon patted Levi's arm as he got up to go.

“She's right. All of you stay safe,” he said.

“We will, good bye, Simon,” Levi said. He followed Mikasa to the door. So far, so good. He was home free. Until he put his hand on the door knob.

“Hey Levi!”

He flinched. His cousin. He was coming down the stairs with a smile. Levi couldn't return it, he was so nervous, he had no idea what to do. He just nodded in response.

“Hello, Joshua,” he said. “Thanks for letting Simon stay with you. It's really kind.”

“Yeah, well you and Dr. Hange are taking on a lot. It's the least I could do. And I just have to say thank you.”

“For what?”

“You've always looked out for Eren and Armin all these years. I'm glad they had a role model like you.”

Levi snorted. “You are a much better role model.”

“I don't know about that. It's you they chose to look up to you,” he said. “I won't hold you up. Go get your rest for camping.”

“Yeah, well...good bye, Josh,” Levi said. As he left, he wasn't sure what to think. It was clear Joshua didn't hate him. Levi found the prospect of even more new family a touch overwhelming. He would have to talk to Hange about it. Or even better, he could talk to Rick.

When he got back to Hange's house, she and Armin had lined all their supplies by the door. He nodded absently at the bags. Hange came over and put her hand on his shoulder.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Do you have everything from your place?”

“Yeah.”

She kissed his cheek. “Armin's finishing dinner. You look like you need to eat and relax a bit.”

He grimaced and followed her to the kitchen. Armin was setting a quick pasta stir fry on the table when they entered. Levi sat, ate, and made a mental note that Armin was actually a good cook, but he was lost in his thoughts. There was a lot to think about: Armin, Joshua's side of the family and of course, Hange. She held his hand as she had a bit of a habit of doing during some of their meals. It was almost as though they did it to acknowledge they knew they had complicated thoughts and feelings the couldn't or weren't ready to speak about. Whatever the reason, he needed her. He wanted to be in her arms tonight so he could think things through and relax before camping.

Even though he was excited to be able to talk to Rick, he hoped to have time to talk to Armin and Hange one on one. Last year, he was deep in denial about how much he cared for her. This year he wanted as much time with her as he could. He also hoped to get Armin a bit more comfortable with him. He din't expect full, open conversation right away, but he wanted to be closer since he was going to be a part of his life now.

With Armin becoming a part of his life, was it possible that Mikasa and her family going to be drawn in as well? He wanted it, he always wanted a large, loving family, but he had no idea what decades of feuding would bring when a truce was called so suddenly. He felt bad that he barely said anything to Joshua. He literally had no idea what to say. He was lost in thought most of the evening and when he climbed into bed with Hange, he all but collapsed on top of her. It wasn't until she ran her fingers though his hair and stroked his face that he relaxed and kissed her breastbone. It baffled him how sometimes “I love you” slipped out so easily, other times it felt like pulling teeth and this was one of those times when he couldn't quite say it, though he felt it so strongly he swore it had to radiate off of him. Regardless, she caressed him gently, running her fingernails lightly against his scalp and against the nape of his neck. If he could purr, he would, but he just kissed her jawline instead. Maybe she knew how he felt already.

* * *

Armin was awake early. Levi found him with Clorox curled up on his lap as he ate a bowl of cereal. He jumped when Levi started tea and coffee.

“Oh! Good morning, Levi,” Armin said.

“Morning. Want some tea?” Levi asked.

“Sure.”

Levi prepared the tea in silence, aware of Armin sneaking glances at him.

“Um, Levi? Is there anything I should know about Zoë's family?” Armin asked.

“Her brother Rick is one of the best guys I know. His wife, Tameryn is very sweet. Kayden is the oldest kid, and he's been dying to have an older cousin, so you are a dream come true. Charlie is the middle and trying to imitate everything Kayden does. Sandy has a wild imagination, she's fun like Hange. They all call her Zozo.”

“Instead of aunt or anything else gendered,” Armin said. “I'm trying hard to keep things neutral with Hange. I slip up sometimes...”

“I do occasionally. We grew up in a binary gender system, we have a lifetime of habits to break,” he said.

“What happens if I call her something wrong?”

“Adjust based on her reaction. I can't see her getting terribly upset.”

“I'm going to keep trying.”

“So far you've been doing good. She hasn't said anything to me about it.”

“I really care about her and I want to show that I respect her.”

Levi poured Armin a cup of tea and set it near him. Armin moved the mug closer and drummed his fingers on the table.

“You're allowed to make mistakes,” Levi said. Armin glanced at him, before hugging Clorox. “You're allowed to be a young man trying to find his way through life. It's allowed. Zoë's not going to throw you out on the street. She cares about you, she wouldn't take you in if she didn't.”

Armin smiled faintly. Clorox squirmed out of Armin's hold and ran out of the room.

“Zoë must be awake,” Levi said. “He's the only one who loves her more than both of us.”

Hange's excited squeals were heard in the next room. Armin sighed.

“She cares for all the outcasts doesn't she?” Armin said.

“We're all outcasts in this house,” Levi said. “It's' safe for us here.”

Hange entered the room cradling Clorox like a baby (most of the cats seemed to like this position with Hange). She looked from Armin to Levi with a quizzical expression.

“You two look so solemn! We're going camping! Smile”' she said. Armin's expression brightened considerably, Levi just raised his eyebrows and sipped his tea.

“So defiant, Levi,” she said as she sat between them. He snorted and poured her cup a of tea. “Have you ever been camping Armin?”

“A long, long time ago. I was still living in Australia,” Armin replied. He paused for a bit. “We didn't really do much, since I was so small. My parents and I camped out in my backyard.”

“I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything before? Are you going to be okay on this trip?” she asked as she held his hand.

“Yeah. This is entirely different, “ Armin said.

“If you feel sad or uncomfortable at all you have to tell us,” Hange said.

“I will,” Armin said.

“I'm serious. We'l leave everyone at the campsite and go straight home,” she said.

He hesitantly put his hand over hers. “Thanks”

Levi felt very calmed by the scene. He didn't know if it was because he loved seeing Hange's warm and nurturing side, or if he was glad Armin was growing comfortable with her. He only knew he was glad that this family that was forming was based on consideration of each other's feelings and good communication. Together, they ate a quick breakfast of cereal, toast and fruit before they all dispersed to get dressed.

Hange was writing instructions for Mike and Nanaba (who volunteered to look after the cats) when Rick's family arrived. Hange ran out to meet them. Rick caught Hange in a warm embrace, and the children all ran past them to crowd around Levi. Sandy and Charlie hugged him, but Charlie released him and drew back when he saw Kayden kept his distance. Levi glanced between them and picked up Sandy who giggled and squeezed his neck.

“Well, where is he?” Kayden said.

“Hello to you too, Kayden,” Levi said.

“Sorry,” Kayden said and gave him a bro-hand shake. It was disturbingly similar to Oluo. Levi wasn't sure if Oluo was inadvertently imitating teenagers or Kayden was trying to put up a more mature front. Neither would surprise him. He turned to the front door where Armin lingered.

“Don't be shy. Everyone's dying to meet you,” Levi said.

Armin stepped out onto the porch and waved sheepishly. Sandy scrambled down from Levi's arms and went right up to Armin and gave him a hug. He smiled and patted her head.

“You have long, blond hair. Are you a prince?” she asked.

“Ah, no. Sorry,I'm just a normal guy,” he said. He knelt down so the could be eye level and held her hands. “But _you_ are a princess, right?”

Sandy giggled. “It's supposed to be a secret.”

“I see. Then your secret is safe with me, your Highness.”

“You don't have to play Sandy's dumb games,” Kayden said.

“I've never been someone's cousin before. I kind of want to play all the games,” Armin said.

Kayden squinted his eyes. “How old are you anyway?”

“Almost seventeen.”

“Oh good. I'm going to high school, got any advice?”

Armin glanced at Levi before he went off with all three children as they begged him to explain the horrors of high school. Rick shook his head and laughed. Levi moved for a handshake, but Rick hugged him.

“Let's load up the cars and talk. It's been a while,” Rick said.

“I know. I miss our talks. Sorry I haven't called, I've been busy,” Levi said.

“I can see! You're practically a family man. Armin seems nice, Zozo won't stop going on about him. She's got all the right people in her life right now. I hope to get to know him better during this trip since he's new to the family.”

Levi was curious once he said that. At one point, he remembered Hange said that Rick's camping trips were for family only. Not even Mike had the distinction of being invited. Levi wondered why was he invited when he wasn't even dating Hange last year. He didn't really want to start talking just yet. Rick filled him in on what was going on in his life as they worked. Both cars were packed and ready soon enough. Rick took Levi, Armin, and Charlie with him. Armin and Rick really hit it off, Levi was glad. He knew how important for someone his age to have a variety of people to look up to. He hoped Armin would add Rick to his roster.

The drive was long, but uneventful. They didn't get the same campsite as the year before, but they still got a good spot by the lake. Levi and Hange set up their tent while Armin helped the boys with theirs. They begged him to sleep in their tent.

“I will,” he said. “But I want to spend at least one night with my parents.”

It came out so fast he couldn't stop himself. He looked over at them almost fearfully. But Hange was practically glowing with happiness.

“You're right, you should stay with us. We'll trade you for Sandy tomorrow night,” Levi said.

“Fine by me,” Kayden said.

Armin came over, his face flushed red. “I'm so sorry...”

Hange rubbed his shoulder. “Don't be! It's super cute, actually.”

“Levi, I'm sorry...”

“You can call me whatever you want,” he said.

“R-right...”

Hange hugged him and tousled his hair. “Now you have fun. We're starting dinner.”

Armin nodded and got instantly dragged off by Kayden and Charlie. Sandy wanted Hange to read her a story, so they sat by the lake. Tameryn was exhausted and taking a nap in her tent. That left Rick and Levi to make dinner. As they started up the grill, Rick got his all knowing grin.

“You have a lot on your mind,” he said.

“Yeah” Levi said. “I don't even know where to start.”

“We'll have a few days to talk. Are you worried about Armin at all?” Rick asked.

Levi sighed. “It's not Armin himself. Armin's a good kid. It's the taking care of him part I'm worried about. How do you take care of someone who's basically a man already? I'm not sure he needs me.”

“When my kids were small, their problems were small. Broken toys, a scrape, an argument. As they got older, their problems got bigger. So you've bypassed the small problems. Armin's going to be coming to you with crashed cars, relationship woes and looking for advice for creating a stable future. But I think you can handle it.”

“Why are you so confident?” Levi asked

“I can tell you care about him. You know what it's like to be all alone and to not have anyone, don't you?” Rick said. Levi was silent. “Just do your best. No parent, adopted or otherwise can do much more than that.”

“Then there's Zoë...” Levi said.

“Trouble in paradise?”

“No. I...I want us to be closer, especially with Armin in our lives. We're going to need each other more than ever.”

“Yes. This is true.”

“I don't know what I want exactly.”

“Are you thinking marriage?”

Levi paused. “I  _am_ thinking about it. But I'm not sure if marriage will make things easier. It might just make things harder. Plus, she's got enough going on with Armin and his grandfather. I'm not sure if adding me to her list of obligations will help her.”

“She's going to take care of you no matter what, you know,” Rick said. Levi was silent yet again. He knew. “Talk to her about it.”

“I just want to show her that I'm committed whether we're married or not.”

Rich whistled. “Woah. Commitment. You should definitely just talk to her. You might be surprised by her reaction.”

Levi hoped he was right. They talked a bit more, finished dinner. The children (and Levi) told each other gross stories around the fire until they were tired. Levi turned in shortly after, but Hange and Armin stayed up for a bit looking at stars through a telescope. Levi decided he'd go stargazing tomorrow, tonight he was tired. Hange climbed into her sleeping bag a bit later as did Armin. They slept soundly, snuggled like Levi imagined a family would.

* * *

It was the middle of the night and Hange was sitting up next to him holding Armin. He was shaking and she was rubbing his back. Levi put his hand on his shoulder. Armin couldn't even speak, he held Hange tighter and tighter like he was afraid that she'd disappear. She moved the hair out of his face and stroked his cheeks. Levi moved so he could get a better look at him.

"You okay, kid?" Armin buried his face in Hange's shoulder and started to shudder. "I think you should move so that you can be between us."

Hange held him and Levi spread the sleeping bags so they could be like mattresses and spread the camping blanket all over them. Armin hadn't released Hange even a little bit and his teeth clattered almost as though he were cold. Levi rubbed his shoulder and Armin sighed snuggled closer to Hange.

"I'm sorry. I'm just...I...please don't let me go..."

Hange kissed his hair and rocked him. Levi rubbed his back.

"We're both right here," Levi said.

"I dreamt...I dreamt you two were counting on me and there was a woman with a gun and I shot her and I still didn't know if I helped. I didn't know if I saved anyone. I thought that I would lose everyone..."

Levi was a bit confused as to what he was talking about, but he gathered it was a bad dream. "We're right here. We're fine. No one's going anywhere right now."

"You can't control anything. You can't control whether or not you'll live. I don't want to be alone again. I'm...” he trailed off and swallowed hard.

Hange put her hands on either side of his face.

“Armin? Look at me,” she said softly. Armin released her just enough so she could look her in the eyes. Levi watched her search his face in the dark. She kissed his forehead.

“I love you, Armin," she said. Levi felt Armin start to tremble even more. He buried his face in Hange's chest, with no thought of what was appropriate. He bawled into her shirt and she held him. She rubbed her cheek against his hair as he cried. Levi had his eyes on Hange, as she held Armin. He could see her tears in the dark and wiped them away. When he was satisfied she was all right for the most part, he found her hand and squeezed so they could close an almost protective circle around Armin. How very strange to be comforting a young man that was bigger than both of them. But Armin was theirs and he was going to help him.

* * *

Armin was awake before everyone else the next morning. Levi didn't blame him for wanting the space, last night was emotional. He allowed Armin a little time alone, opting instead to cuddle with Hange for a while. She wrapped her arms around him.

“Is Armin okay?” she whispered. Levi looked over his shoulder at Armin by the lake.

“He's outside. Let's leave him alone for a little bit. I'll talk to him,” he said. She hummed and rubbed her nose against his shoulder. She was tired, no time for talking now. His time with her would come, he wasn't worried over much. He ran his hand from her shoulder blades, down to the small of her back. She sighed in her sleep. He swallowed hard and kissed her forehead, ignoring the lump in his throat and the stinging in his eyes.

The significance of the night before was not lost on him. For so long he'd dreamt of sharing a bed with Hange and a child of theirs. This was not quite what he had pictured, but it was exactly that. Hange, Levi, and a child they vowed to care for. Did she understand what this meant to him? Did she know that he wanted a family with her? Did she know how deeply attached he was to her? That he could no longer escape?

He knew she was aware of the love and the romance he felt, but he was past that now. What he felt was deeper than romance and more lasting than passion. Was she feeling this too? They had to find some time to talk together, and he was sure Rick would help create the opportunity.

He languished in her arms for a little while longer before he knew he had to leave her. He was a father now, he had to act like one. He removed himself from her embrace and she turned over sluggishly. He snorted and kissed her neck before putting on a jacket and leaving the tent. He walked up behind Armin. The mist was rising off the lake, it was a lovely sight and Armin seemed engrossed by it. He started when he noticed Levi was right behind him.

“Oh! You scared me,” Armin said as he pressed a hand to his chest.

“Sorry,” Levi said.

“No, I'm sorry for freaking out last night,” Armin said.

“You're going through a huge change right now. I'm surprised you didn't melt down sooner.”

“You guys really acted like parents last night. You guys are kind of...like my real parents a bit...”

Levi was silent. “Do you want to talk about them?”

“I do. Just a few things though. I want to tell you _and_ Zoë details together.”

“Fair enough.”

“Dad was a little serious but goofy. He was a botanist. Mom was always smiling, she was an engineer I think. I knew they loved me even though they were busy. They always made time for me. They were going on an anniversary trip, just for a few days. I was nine years old. I thought I was too grown up to say good bye or give Mom a kiss. They never came back. Car accident. Killed Dad instantly and Mom died in the hospital later. I got shopped of to America to live with Grandpa. And now I'm scared I'll go home and never see him again.”

Levi nodded. “You want to drive to where there's reception and call him?”

“Yes, please.”

“I'll get the keys, let's go.”

Wordlessly they set off down the road until there was enough bars to make the call. Armin stepped outside the car to talk and Levi waited for him. He would wait as long as it took. Armin returned after about half an hour. He was smiling faintly.

“So I take it Simon's okay?” Levi asked.

“Grandpa's fine. I know it's stupid but this really made me feel better.”

“It's not stupid. You have very real, very legitimate worries.”

Armin nodded and ran his fingers though his hair. They were silent on the way back. When they arrived at the campsite, everyone was awake and milling about. Armin got out of the car but lingered near waiting for Levi. Levi patted Armin on the shoulder.

“Zoë and I are here for you,” he said. Armin didn't look at him, he just hugged him tightly. Levi rubbed his back. Armin, now taller than him was still very much a child. But in Levi's mind, most adults are just children that somehow got used to the feeling of uncertainty, pain, and fear. There were ways of combatting the negative feelings, and having friends and family (by blood or adoption) certainly helped.

Hange came over and rubbed Armin's arm. He pulled her into the hug.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“For once in my life, I think it actually is,” Armin said.

* * *

Rick was leading the first hike as was tradition with Armin right beside him hanging on his every word. Kayden and Charlie followed close behind. Tameryn and Hange seemed engrossed in a discussion Levi couldn't quite hear. That left him bringing up the rear with Sandy. He was actually glad for the relaxed pace. Sandy was turning six, but her imagination rivaled that of Walt Disney. She was telling Levi all sorts of bizarre and crazy stories and he found it rather amusing. He wondered if Hange was like this at her age. She had to have been a smiley child. He had a brief thought of holding a tiny toddler with Hange's lopsided grin before Sandy pulled him back to reality with tales of her unreality.

“Levi, I have some very serious questions for you,” she said after a while. This scared Levi more than any odd story she could have told.

“What do you want to know?” Levi asked.

“Is Armin really going to be my cousin?” she asked.

Levi breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes he is.”

“So that means I can't marry him?”

“I would advise against it. Plus, you've only known him for one day.”

“Oh, I would have married him once I got bigger, but never mind now. Next question: Are you my uncle?”

“No.”

“When are you going to be my uncle?”

“If I marry Zoë.”

“When are you and Zozo getting married?”

“When we're ready.”

“Are you ready now?”

“I don't...I don't know.”

Sandy looked up at him, her brows furrowed. “What do you mean you don't know? Do you love her?”

“Yes,” he said. Deeper than Sandy could understand.

“Do you hug her when she cries?”

“Of course.” And she held him countless times.

“Do you kiss her every day?”

“I try to.”

“Aren't you Yoda? 'Do or do not, there is no try.' Do you kiss Zozo every day or not?”

“I kiss her every day.”

“Then why don't you marry her?”

“It's not that simple, Sandy.”

She sighed in frustration. “Grown ups are weird. Always making life complicated.”

“You're right about that.”

“Fine, I'm going to tell you another story, then,” she said. “But you have to marry Zozo, someday and make her happy.”

“I'll try.”

“No trying! Just do it!”

Sandy continued to provide fun little anecdotes throughout the hike. This time around when they split off for the caves, Kayden and Armin joined them which put a damper on Levi's original plan, which was to talk to Hange there. But it was nice to see Armin and Hange geek out over rock formations. They were just as he said: nerd-parent and nerd-baby.

Hange and Rick split off to do there sibling bonding hike and Levi stayed with the others. The kids wanted to swim and Tameryn wanted to start lunch. Levi joined the children mostly because he could see the end of the trail Rick and Hange climbed down. After a few hours, he saw them approach, but noted something wrong. Either Rick was leaning on Hange or the other way around, they needed help was all he knew. He swam back to shore and waited for their return. Though he'd rather neither of them be hurt, he was worried that Hange was the one who was injured. As they approached, he narrowed his eyes. Hange was the one limping. He crossed his arms and she wiped her brow and rolled her eyes.

“Don't look like that, It's just a sprain,” she said. Before she could say anything else, he scooped her up and put her in a chair.

“Stay there,” he said.

“Levi! At least dry off!” she cred. Rick set up a second chair with folded up blankets for her to rest her foot Tameryn made a quick cold compress out of a plastic bag and ice while Levi got bandages out of his bag.

“I'm okay, guys...” Hange said.

“Shut up. I'm taking care of you and I need to concentrate,” he said. “Let me know if I'm hurting you.”

She grimaced as he bound her foot with the bandages. Once that was finished, he put her foot back on the chair and put ice on it.

“I'm okay now. Dry off!” she said.

“I'm basically dry now. Besides, I'm not done,” he said.

“What else is there to do?”

He kissed her cheek and went off to get dressed. He was hoping with her being essentially stuck sitting in one place, she would be free to talk. He hurried back to her only to find Sandy and Armin sitting on either side of her wearing sunglasses.

“What have we here?” Levi asked.

“We're Zoë's security detail,” Armin said.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah and you can't talk to Zozo unless she tells us you can,” Sandy said.

“All right. Zoë, can I—”

“Nope, ask me first!” Sandy said.

“Okay, Sandy—”

“Nope. I'm Squad Leader Hange.”

He felt a chill down his spine when she said the title. He grabbed his arms to try and keep warm. He felt nervous and cold for some reason, but he couldn't put his finger on why. But he cleared his throat.

“Squad Leader Hange, may I please request an audience with Zoë?”

“Armin, ask Zozo if she wants to speak with this man,” Sandy said.

“Zoë, do you want to speak with this man?” Amrin asked.

Hagne smirked. “I don't know. Hm...”

“He seems like a good person,” Sandy said.

“Hm...he's kind of cute too. I think it's okay,” Hange said.

“Security team, disperse!” Sandy said. Sandy grabbed Armin's hand and dragged him away for a new game. Levi rubbed Hange's arm.

“Are you okay?” he asked

“Yeah, yeah. I feel a little silly but it comes with making a clumsy mistake,” she said.

“You want me to get you dinner?”

“Kayden is getting it for me. I want you to sit with me,” she said.

“All right,” he said. He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. She held his hand and squeezed a little.

“Are you having fun?” she asked.

“Yeah. You know camping with Rick is always entertaining.”

“I'm glad. Though I'm sad and I won't be hiking with you tomorrow.”

“I am too,” he said. “Are you going to be able to swim tomorrow morning?”

“I think I can stumble over and swim a bit,” she said.

“Not in the wet suit.”

“Hm...maybe not.”

“Wake me up. I'll go with you.”

“I'd like that,” she said. She squeezed his hand tighter. He wanted to say more, but decided now was not the best time to talk about feelings. Most of the children hovered around Hange. He did not blame them in the least, Hange was a lot of fun, if he was so bold to say so. The boys went off to the rope swing before the sun set, while Sandy stayed behind and found cool rocks she thought Hange might like. When it was time to go to bed, Sandy insisted she sleep in the tent with Levi and Hange as promised.

“I'll be really careful around Zozo, I promise,” she said. They left the tent as it was the night before, with the sleeping bags as mattresses so Hange could elevate her foot and move comfortably. Sandy nestled between them. Levi expected Sandy to talk all night, but instead she fell asleep almost instantly, her ear rested on Hagne's breast. Levi chuckled as he ran a hand through Sandy's dark curls. He could feel Hange's eyes on him and for some reason he was afraid to look back. No, it wasn't for “some reason,” he knew why he wasn't looking her in the eye. He knew what was coming.

“Levi...have you ever thought about kids? I mean, _us_ having kids?” she asked. He was not one to blush easily but he could feel his face growing hot. Had he imaged their children? More times than he believed was normal. He didn't want to own up to the frequency of his thoughts (or that he named them and picked their preschools and looked up information for college funds), but he didn't want to hide it from her, either.

“I have,” he said. He could make out her smile in the darkness.

“I have too,” she said. “Right now Armin's enough, but I want more.”

And he wanted to give them to her. He didn't know how to express his desire to father and raise her children. He reached over Sandy and put his hand over her lower abdomen. She placed her hand over his. He dared to imagine her rounded stomach, pressing his ear against it, feeling for a kick. He wanted those moments so bad.

“Someday,” she said softly.

“Yeah,” he said. What could he do until “someday” came? He wanted to show her how deeply he felt and kissing and holding her was no longer enough.

“I love you, Zoë,” he said.

“I love you too,” Hange replied. This phrase was not enough anymore. “Love” did not convey the depth of what he felt and he did not know how to make himself clearer. What could he say, what could he do?

“You're struggling,” she said. “What's wrong?”

“I don't know how...” he trailed off.

“Don't know how to what?”

“Everything I'm doing...it's not enough.”

“You're fine. You make me so happy.”

“I could make you happier. I just don't know what else to do I'm...I...” Saying “I'm committed to you” sounded so lame. He couldn't say it.

“I have an idea,” she said.

“Anything,” he said quickly.

“No, think about this before you answer. Armin, Simon, and I were talking and we all agree. We have enough space for you, Lysol, and Windex so...would you consider moving in with me? With us?”

“What is there to consider? Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I'll move in and sell my house.”

“It's a huge step. Do you want to think about it more?”

“No. I'm moving in with the rest of my family.”

Hange sniffled in the dark and he wiped the tears away from her cheeks and nuzzled her temple. She was right, moving in together was a huge step but it showed a glimmer of how deeply he felt for her.

* * *

Hange opened her eyes the next morning and saw Levi sitting crosslegged at the entrance of the tent. She removed Sandy's arms from around her waist. He looked over his shoulder at her. There was something so warm and soft about his expression, she wanted to cover his face in soft kisses but she showed a degree of restraint.

“You ready to go swimming, Roomie?” he asked.

She chuckled. “In a minute.”

“You want me to leave while you change?” he asked. She rolled over and reached in her bag for her bathing suit.

“No. You're fine,” she said.

“I won't look,” he said.

“Sandy sleeps like the dead and I don't care if you see.”

He had already seen her naked and she honestly wanted to be more comfortable around him, especially since they were going to be sharing a space from now on. She slipped out of her pajamas and into her bathing suit with care. Her ankle was still a bit sore.

“Okay, ready,” she said. Levi removed his hoodie and scooped her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. She could used to being carried by shirtless Levi. He waded into the water and hissed at the cold.

“Are you going to drop me in?” she asked with a giggle.

“Not this time,” he said. He kept going deeper until the water came up to his shoulders before he let her go. She found she didn't want to move away from him. Instead she floated close looking up at the pale sky.

“Aren't you going to swim?” he asked.

“No. I just want to float here for a while,” she said. He was silent as she lay there. Then he put his arms around her ribcage, just under her breasts and dragged her though the water. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and stared into his eyes. She brushed some hair away from his face and he shivered.

“Your hands are freezing,” he said softly.

“My lips are too,” she said.

He leaned in closer. “That's no good.”

Levi pressed his lips against hers until they warmed up. Then he carefully kissed the corners of her mouth and her cheeks. Each kiss was feathery and gentle, she wasn't sure if it was the water or his kisses that sent chills across her skin. He stopped after a while and hugged her from behind, tenderly kissing the back of her neck. She shivered against him and he held her closer.

“Are you cold?” he whispered. She shook her head. He kissed her shoulder this time and she sighed in contentment. They were mostly under water so she supposed what she planned next was going to be okay. She grabbed his hands at her waist and moved them so he was cupping her breasts.

“You rest your head on my boobs enough, I want you to touch them,” she said.

His breath tickled her cheek and she bit her lip. He held her closer and kissed her neck as he gave her breasts a gentle squeeze. She gasped and pressed her cheek against his.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked.

“You're fine,” she said. He ran his palm over her right breast, brushing over her nipple made hard from the cold.

“I don't want to do too much. You know I feel weird about doing things like this when family is so close by,” he whispered. But he certainly wasn't stopping. His touches were soft and experimental, he was gauging what she liked. She rubbed her cheek against his to try and encourage him. He ran a finger along the line where her bathing suit met her skin.

“May I?” he whispered. She pressed her thighs together, the sound of his voice, so husky and plaintive made her feel warm all over. She nodded. He slipped his hands under the fabric of her bathing suit. She swallowed and bit her lip. The feel of his hands on her skin both set her on fire and sent more chills down her spine. She pressed a hand over mouth to stifle her moans of pleasure. He kissed her neck and shoulders, all while making her toes curl with soft squeezes and caresses. She grabbed his wrists and he stopped and removed his hands. She turned and pressed herself against his body. He held her close and they pressed their foreheads together, breathing quickly. Hange didn't care if she was seen, she couldn't stand his breath against her lips anymore, she went in for a fierce, open mouth kiss, tasting and caressing his mouth with her tongue while one hand ran though his hair and the other squeezed his ass. He moaned and pushed against her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He broke the kiss and held her face.

“What's wrong?” she asked breathlessly.

“We have to stop. I...I can't do any more right now,” he said.

She moved away giving him space. “All right. That's it for now.”

He kissed her forehead. “You know I want you. I want you to be happy more than anything.”

She nodded. “We're moving in together, we'll have time for things like this. I just wanted to try and see if I liked it.”

He put his forehead on her shoulder. “I'm glad you feel safe to experiment with me. We'll find what works for us. So did you like me touching your boobs?”

She smirked and rested her head on his. “I liked it a lot.”

“We can try another time, then,” he said. He held her hand and kissed it.

She felt her heart beat faster with excitement and she bit her lip. “Yeah.”

“Now I'm actually going for a swim. I'll be back soon.”

“I'll wait here.”

Levi swam off and Hange stayed behind. She floated on her back for a while, thinking of all the changes in her life. New son (of sorts) and now Levi was moving in. She couldn't help but smile.

And still, while trying to think of more innocent things, she couldn't help but feel a craving or Levi's touch. She already had developed a craving for his kisses that only grew stronger once his mouth had become familiar to her. She wanted more of him to become familiar.

She was grateful to him for being so willing to share her space, for respecting her boundaries, for helping her start a family. If she were honest, she wanted more than just to share a space with him. The institution that she had long rolled her eyes at was actually looking a touch appealing, since he could legally have more. But for now, Levi's moving in was enough commitment for her. For now she was content.

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving in with Hange was simultaneously simple and complicated.

Moving in with Hange was simultaneously simple and complicated. Simple because all he really  _ needed _ to do was bring his clothes, his cats, and a few essentials over (most of which were already in her house). Complicated because now they had two of everything. Plus, after going through the trouble of having the gate installed, he already had to put the fence back to the way it was before and he'd have to dig up his  _ whole _ garden. Levi was in agony over how to get rid of things and even more anxious over how he could convince Hange to redecorate. More like actually decorate. It was Oluo who put his mind at ease about a few things. He appraised the house and sat down with Levi after.

“The house is damn near perfect, as I expected from you. Don't worry about your stuff right away. It's perfectly staged and will be much easier to sell. Leave your back yard alone for a little bit, but we'll offer to make the changes for them if they want it. I'll give you some time to get things together and get settled at Hange's and we'll put it on the market.”

After that, he relaxed a bit. Besides he was officially sharing a room with Hange and that had enough benefits to calm him down a bit. She was slowly getting more comfortable around him. She would casually walk out of the shower in just her towel, she didn't mind changing in front of him, or wearing his clothes. He loved that she would snuggle closer and let him touch more of her. Falling asleep fondling one of her breasts was among his new favorite things.

The ones having trouble adjusting were Windex and Lysol. They were a little put off by not being able to get into their old house. Levi was sure they'd adjust eventually. Lysol loved being close to Clorox. Windex didn't seem to like being around everyone and would often retreat to Hange or Armin.

Early one morning, Hange was cradling Windex while Levi stirred his tea. Mr. Arlert was asleep, Armin was still at a friend's house. It was the first time Levi and Hange were able to eat breakfast alone in a while. Levi couldn't help but sigh. Things were settling a bit, but he wanted the house to reflect him as well. Things at the moment were very Hange: comfortable, well lived in, relatively neat, but no sense of finesse. He decided he'd go through the house and redecorate room by room, since that was a lot less stressful. He decided to start in their bedroom. It was almost psychological for him, he'd always had to exert control over how his bedroom looked. He wanted to keep the walls nice and cool, painting them a pale slate blue. He also hoped to make the décor a touch more modern, but keep her galaxy bedspread, because he actually liked it. He had grand plans and he didn't know how to convince her.

He glanced at her over his tea cup. He couldn't think of any other way to break into his desired conversation other than to jump in. So he got his folder from off the kitchen shelf where he had it stashed between the cook books, cleared his throat, and spread the paint chips all over the table. Hange stared at them for a while, blinking slowly and then glanced back at him.

“What's all this?” she asked.

"I want to paint our bedroom. These are the colors I was thinking. What do you think?" he asked. She looked them over and shrugged.

"I have no idea. Just paint whatever you want."

"I want you to be happy. Tell me what you think."

She shook her head. "I really don't know."

"Is there anything you don't like?"

“I don't know. Just paint whatever and I'll be happy." she said. Levi sighed.

"All right. I'm going to be redecorating for the next day or two. Just let me know if you have any thoughts at all between now and then."

"I will, I will," she said and stroked Windex's tummy. He grimaced. She was clearly not interested in decorating, so he'd just proceed with what he had planned.

"I'm taking Simon to the doctor's again. Then I'll be inspecting a few houses and I'll also be grocery shopping. Did you write everything you wanted on the list?"

"I think so."

"Did you or didn't you?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think I want anything."

“Well, call me if I you think of something, all right?" he said.

She smiled. "Okay."

He got up and kissed her cheek. "I'm off. See you later."

"Bye, Levi."

He felt completely warm when he looked over his shoulder and a saw her smiling at him. Everything was going to be just so eventually. They'd get used to living together, he was sure.

* * *

Hange came returned a bit late, but she was home just as Levi finished dinner. Simon was too weak to come upstairs, Levi made him a plate and took it to him. Armin was neck deep in homework so Levi thought it best if he served him food downstairs as well. So it was just Levi and Hange for dinner. He was glad she was there. When he finally came upstairs, she was pacing in the kitchen. She seemed tired and out of sorts, but she kissed his cheek and then began to rummage through he fridge.

"I made dinner, why don't you eat with me?"

"I'm too tired, I just want to sleep. Just a quick bite, though. She moved a few things around.

"Hey, didn't we buy a pack of pepperonis? I usually snack on those when I don't want to eat too much."

"I didn't get any. You didn't put them on the list."

"Oh. I always buy little pepperonis."

"I didn't buy any because I don't like them."

"Well...I'll just go to sleep then. Good night'."

He sighed. He made a nice dinner and no one was there to eat it with him. Levi sullenly packed up most of the meal and ate alone. When he came upstairs, he saw Hange was awake and reading. He started to take of his clothes for a shower.

"I thought you were going to sleep," he said.

"I am, but for some reason I just can't sleep right now."

"Well, I ate dinner alone for no reason."

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have been good company though."

He was honestly a little annoyed but he was going to let it go. He hopped in the shower and when he returned, Hange was asleep, Lysol curled up in her arms, Clorox rested on her hip and Windex was on his side of the bed glaring at everyone. Levi couldn't help but sympathize with Windex today. He picked her up and she squirmed in annoyance. He grumbled obscenities to himself. Today was a touch draining and a bit irritating. And he couldn't even cuddle up with Hange because she was surrounded by cats. He stroked her face and she hummed and smiled in her sleep. He grimaced and crawled under the covers. He supposed this was okay for now.

* * *

Levi spent most of the day painting their bedroom after he examined his houses for the week. He liked the color honestly. It was a far cry from the cream walls in every room. He was going to introduce some more style into her life, if he was so to be so bold. He wasn't sure when Hange would be back, but he hoped she was pleasantly surprised. She always sang praises about how nice his house was, so she'd like this. When he was finished, he admired his handy work. He'd have to wait until the paint dried before he finished everything, but it was headed in the direction he wanted. He nodded in approval and decided to clean up and shower off. Maybe he and Hange would sleep in one of the guest rooms while the paint dried over night.

Much to his surprise, Hange came home early. He rushed to the door as she entered. She smiled at him as she took off her shoes. She seemed a bit sluggish, maybe worn out from a long day at the lab. This would certainly cheer her up.

"You have something to show me, it seems," she said.

"How can you tell?" he said.

She kissed him languidly. “It's written all over your face,” she whispered against his lips.

He held her cheek and kissed her a little deeper, he liked sleepy, Hange kisses. They were slow and worth savoring. They paused for a moment.

“Well are you going to show me the surprise or what?” she asked.

"Come on,” he said. He grabbed her hand and hurried up the stairs. He opened the door to her room and she looked around silently. She turned to him and blinked rapidly.

"Well, do you like it?" he asked

"I...I don't know. she said. "I feel so cold in here."

"You said you liked the colors I picked."

"I know."

"You said I could pick anything and you'd be happy."

"I know!"

"Why didn't you say anything when I was showing you the colors?"

"I don't now anything about decorating. I didn't think the room that would look so...dark? Cold? I don't know."

"So you hate it."

“I don't know!"

"Look you're tired. Take a shower, eat something. We're sleeping in one of the guest rooms tonight."

Hange sighed. "It's just paint. I just don't care."

"No, you do care because you don't like it."

"Ugh, just drop it."

They separated, Levi to finish dinner and Hange to shower. He grumbled to himself all while he was trying to cook. He _asked_ her what she thought and she said she didn't care. By the time he sat down to dinner, he was fuming. Hange came in and scarcely ate. She didn't even look at him, and barely noticed the cats curled around her legs. He glared at her but she didn't seem to notice.

"Do you not like the food either?" he asked.

She looked at him finally before dropping her head. "No! It's delicious."

"But you're not eating it."

"Levi! Please, I'm just tired. I'm working really hard, I've been on my feet all day. I just..." She put her hands over her eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't do this right now." Levi dropped his fork and got up. “Wh-where are you going?”

“For a drive,” he said.

“Don't get so worked up! It's just a paint!” she said.

“I just want you to be happy and you're not talking to me,” he said.

“Damn it Levi...” she said and slammed her fist on the table. “Well maybe now you know how I feel.”

“What?” he said and narrowed his eyes.

“Sometimes I work so hard and I'm just not sure if you're happy. It's so damn frustrating.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that if you don't fucking  _ say _ something?”

“Fuck, I don't now. I'm just tired, I can't argue right now.”

“Yeah? Well I'm pissed the fuck off.”

“So go for your damn drive, I'm going to sleep!”

He grabbed his keys and headed for the door. He paused and looked back at her. Even now, as annoyed as he was, he still loved her. Her sullen face unsettled him, but he couldn't talk to her right now or get his true feelings across.

“I'll be back,” he said. She glanced up at him sadly and nodded. It killed him that she was upset, but disagreements, however small happened. He wanted her to know he was with her despite this, that this small difference undercut by lack of communication was not the end. He wouldn't run. As he waked out the door, he closed his eyes, remembering the many petty arguments in his childhood home. The roar of the motorcycle engine that signaled his father's weeks (or months) long disappearance only to return drunk and belligerent. No, he just needed space to breathe and think. Then they could talk.

He didn't drive far, from one end of town on to the other. He decided to stop at a park before he went home. Sometimes imagining their children playing there would calm him down and give him the clarity to look at the big picture and work things out. No sooner did he stop did he get a phone call. Something told him to check it. It was Erwin.

“What's going on?” he said.

“Marie's in the hospital. The baby's coming now,” Erwin said.

“You want me to come?”

“Please.”

“I'll be there.”

Levi made a phone call be fore he got going. “Zoë?”

“Yes?” The tone in her voice was slow and drowsy, a touch sad.

“Marie's having the baby. Erwin asked me to come. I'm going to be there,” he said.

“All right. Thank you for telling me. We have to talk.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you. See you when you get home.”

He hung up and he smiled faintly. She was confident he'd come home, that was good. He headed for the hospital. He was shown to where Erwin and Marie were. Marie met him with a bright smile.

“Hey, Levi! Good to see you!” she said.

“Good to be seen,” Levi said.

“Thank you for coming. Please walk Erwin around a bit, he's stressing me out and I want to be calm. Plus he'll answer all the medical questions you're bound to ask.”

Levi and Erwin met eyes. Levi smirked and shrugged.

“Come on, Papa Erwin. Let's calm you down.”

The two of them walked side by side down the hall in silence for a while.

“So...congratulations,” Levi said.

“Thanks,” Erwin replied.

“What are you going to name your kid?”

“Melody Catherine Smith.”

Levi glanced over at Erwin. “Melody? Doesn't seem like your taste.”

“Melody kind of grew on me. In the end we both had to like the name. She likes Melody and I liked Catherine. I think it flowed better to have Melody first and she agreed.”

“A compromise.”

“I take it you and Hange had a fight.”

Levi sighed. He didn't bother asking how Erwin knew. “Your wife is in labor and you're still having afternoon special style talks with me.”

Erwin laughed. “Yeah. Well it's less stressful to deal with you than watch Marie go through agony.”

“Well, we just had a disagreement. It was over my decorating choices.”

“You're strong arming your way whether she likes it or not.”

“I  _ asked _ if she liked the color.”

“Look, you two are now sharing a space. You like things a certain way, she likes things a certain way. Now you have to make both of your ways work together. So yes, compromise. I'm not expert but you guys  _ have _ to talk.”

“Yeah. I told her I'd be back so we can work things out. I just thought...when she first came to my house she loved the way I decorated. I thought I could just do the same thing I did before and she'd be happy.”

“So you thought you could change things with minimal consulting.”

“Yeah. I though she'd just trust me.”

“That was when it was 'your' space and 'her' space. Now the house belongs to both of you. She may let you have free reign eventually, but first let her see how you respect this concept of your home together. She trusts you, I'm sure.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You should go back to her, I think talking to you has calmed me down enough so I can join Marie.”

“Soon you'll have a brat to advise all the time.”

“Looking forward to it.”

Levi took him back to Marie. She smiled when she saw them.  
“I don't know what you did, but he looks so much better. Thanks Levi” she said.

“No problem.”

“It'll be you and Hange here some day,” she aid. Erwin came to her side and held her hand, and looked back at him as he raised his eyebrows. Levi nodded and smiled faintly. He blinked back something, maybe tears. He hoped to be there like them, he really did. He wanted to have children with Hange. In order to do that he had to start good communication habits now. He drove home and all but ran upstairs. Hange was sleeping in one of the guest rooms, her light still on. When he entered she was curled up on her side. He took of his jacket and climbed into bed. He ran his hand from her shoulder to her hip. She turned over to face him and touched his face.

“Hey. How are they?” she asked.

He kissed her hand. “They're doing great.”

“Good.”

He kissed her nose. “I love you.”

“Me too, but about you.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I actually actually like the color. I sat in the room and really looked at it. It's not as bad as I first thought.”

“I only want you to be happy.”

“I know. And you really do have good taste.”

“I have a lot plans for our house.”

“I figured.”

“Can we talk about what I have in mind? When you're not exhausted of course...”

“I'd like that,” she said.

“You are expected to voice your opinion.”

“You know I will.”

He kissed her. “I'm taking a shower. Good night.”

“Night.”

He hopped in the warm water with great relief. It was amazing what just laming down and talking things out did. He resolved to try and bring things up when she was more rested. It was just small steps in trying to live together. They'd figure it out he was certain. They didn't cuddle too much that night but when he woke up in the morning, he was holding her hand. Even in stressful times they still reached for each other. He smiled. That was how it should be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's unrealistic for them to be cute and happy all the time.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No sooner had Levi opened the car door, did he hear the sound of waking nightmares: the sputter of a poorly kept motorcycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> Transphobic speech  
> Homophobic speech  
> Misgendering  
> Abuse mention

Levi watched Armin as he made his grandfather's breakfast with shaking hands. Hange watched him as well. The second pair of eyes did not lessen Levi's concern. He knew Armin was up late many nights, he'd seen the lights on in the basement more times than he thought was healthy.

“Do you want help?” Levi asked. Armin waved his hand dismissively. Armin was trying harder and harder to take care of Mr. Arlert. Though Levi and Hange both took care of most of the responsibilities in dealing with Mr. Arlert's illness, lately Armin was very insistent that he do more work.

“I'll be back in a second,” he said. As he left, Levi and Hange exchanged glances. Neither wanted to say it out loud, bu they knew. Mr. Arlert couldn't last much longer. Levi was certain Armin knew too. He was glad everything worked out with Hange getting legal guardianship of Armin in time. She couldn't adopt him until his grandfather died, but it would make things much easier when the time came. He hoped to adopt Armin as well. He wasn't sure when, but he hoped their family could have things legally settled.

Of course, Armin couldn't legally be his until he decided to marry Hange and that brought Levi to a bit of a paranoid stand still. He wasn't sure how to approach the idea of marriage. On the one hand, he really, _really_ wanted to marry her. He'd never thought of marriage one way or the other until he met her. Suddenly it was something he found himself wanting more and more. On the other hand...he thought of his house torn apart by his father. If he had _any_ tendencies toward violence, he didn't want to put Armin and Hange through hell the way he had been.

He held her hand and she smiled at him. There was hope maybe. Before he could say something, Armin burst into the kitchen.

“What's wrong?” Hange asked and stood up.

“Grandpa...he...he's unconscious and I don't...I don't...” Armin said. They both got up.

“Is he breathing, does he have a pulse?” Levi asked.

“Yes but...he's not responding to anything, he won't open his eyes.”

“I'll call 911,” Hange said. Levi went downstairs with Armin.

Mr. Arlert came around by the time Levi made it downstairs, but he was rather despondent. Levi made him lie down and elevated his feet and covered him with a blanket. Armin held his grandfather's hand and looked at Levi for further instructions.

“We're going to be okay, Hange's called for help,” Levi said. Armin nodded. There wasn't much they could do but wait. The EMTs arrived in good time, Mr. Arlert was on his way to the hospital. Armin opted to stay behind with Levi and Hange. The three of them wasted no time in going to the car. No sooner had Levi opened the car door, did he hear the sound of waking nightmares: the sputter of a poorly kept motorcycle. Hange met eyes with him.

“You guys go ahead. I'll stay and talk to him,” Levi said.

“Talk to who?” Armin asked.

Levi ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “My father.”

Hange ran to him and took both his hands in hers. “No. We'll face him together.”

Levi looked at Armin before he held Hange's face with both his hands. “Don't leave Simon alone. Go, take care of him and Armin. I will be there soon.”

She hugged him and gave him a quick kiss.

“Come on Armin, we're taking my car,” she said. Levi watched them leave as the sound of his father's motorcycle got louder. When the sound died, Levi turned and crossed his arms. This was going to be last time he saw his father, he swore it. Levi was not going to allow him near Hange, Armin or Simon, he was not letting him trash their space. This was his family and his father was not allowed to harm them.

“Well, well, well, your bitch ass mom was right. You _are_ fucking the doctor. Well, I'll be damned,” he said.

“What do you want, Dad?” Levi said. He knew being dismissive would piss him off, Levi didn't care. “I come all the way here to see you and your tranny shemale and you're here trying to make it look like I'm the one with problems!”

“You are _not_ allowed to talk about Zoë like that,” he said.

“Zoë, huh? So tell me Levi, are those teeny boobs real, or did she have to get implants for those?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, wait, not 'she.' 'It,' am I right?”

Levi's fists clenched. “Stop. Right. Now.”

“So what's it like to fuck a man made pussy? Or does it still have a dick? I know you like those you gay ass homo.”

Levi poured all his strength into one punch right in his father's jaw. He sincerely hoped he knocked out a few teeth.

“You do _not_ get to talk about Zoë. You do not deserve to even say her name. Her body is her business. How much money will it take for you to forget you even have a son?”

“You think you can buy me? We'll all sit around holding hands in a circle?”

“I didn't say anything about you accepting me! I want you to fucking go and never come back!” Levi shouted.

“So you can keep on fucking that—”

Levi punched him in the stomach this time and his father doubled over and fell to his knees.

“You could beat me before, but I'm stronger than you now. You have two choices: either I give you money and you never come back here again, or I beat you senseless. Which do you choose?”

His father let out a strangled chuckle. “Under that prissy exterior is my little thug bastard. Go ahead, beat the shit out of me if you can, you pansy ass bitch.”

Levi's scowl faded just slightly. His father was right. Threatening him with violence and bribery was indeed very low. Levi could not resist kicking him in the face. Just once. But that was all. He walked away and got in his car. He backed out of his driveway and headed for the hospital. His real family needed his immediate attention.

Levi wasn't sure if he was in the clear. Any doubts were cast aside as he heard the motorcycle engine roar. Levi had a few choices: he could drive recklessly and get away but endanger others, or he could let his father catch up and harass him. Levi gripped the steering wheel and glanced in the rear view mirror. The choice was obvious. There was only one way he could face Hange without guilt.

“Do your worst,” he muttered. His father came alongside him.

“Fight me, you bastard!” he cried. Levi kept his eyes on the road and tried to concentrate. It was hard when his father kicked his passenger side door screaming profanities. Levi edged over a bit, but his father kept coming closer. Levi growled. He probably put a dent in his car. He kept edging dangerously close to the on coming traffic and speeding up to try and avoid him. Finally in a last ditch effort to get him off his tail, Levi rolled down the window.

“Dad! Stop! If you keep this up, you're going to get seriously hu—”

* * *

Simon was stabilized. He had been in the clear for hours. But Levi was no where to be found. Hange stayed with Armin, but she could see he was anxious as well. It wasn't like Levi not to even call if something happened. She remembered the way his house was overturned in the wake of his father's last visit, how utterly broken he was. Would he feel guilty if her house was wrecked? Would he feel like he failed her in some way? Was he at home methodically cleaning, trying to fix things so it looked like it never happened? She sighed. She wished he would pick up. She didn't care if the house was a mess, she just wanted to talk to him. They needed him here, the house would wait.

Armin held his grandfather's hand as they waited for the doctor to return and explain why Simon had passed out. He put his head on the bed and blinked slowly. Hange could tell he was tired. She ran his fingers through his long, blond hair.

“Please call Levi one more time,” Armin said.

Hange nodded. They were managing, but Levi's absence was acutely felt. She dialed again, stepping outside the room. She was almost in tears, as the phone rang over and over. But this time, there was an answer.

“Levi?” she said. She didn't care why he hadn't shown up, she needed to hear his voice.

“Sadly, no Zoë,” the voice on the other end said. Her heart dropped and a few tears escaped. She wiped them quickly.

“Pixis? Is...is Levi with you? Is he all right?” she asked.

“No, Levi is not all right,” he said. She leaned against the wall and sank to the floor.

“W-what...what happened?”

“A car accident. Slammed into a telephone pole,” Pixis said. “His air bag did not deploy, but he was wearing his seat belt. Where are you?”

“I'm at the hospital. Armin's grandfather took a turn for the worse.”

“Levi is currently being moved from the emergency operating room to the ICU. I can't be with him, but his father is there.”

“I'm coming right now,” she said. She hung up and returned to Armin.

“I heard,” he said. “We're fine here. Go to him.”

She nodded and ran to the ICU. Pixis was indeed waiting outside the doors and she ran to him and gave him a hug.

“I was so worried. I didn't know what happened. I knew he and his father might argue but...a car accident...” she said.

Pixis sighed. “I'm one of Levi's emergency contacts, his father insisted that he call me before he called you. If Levi was a bit more prudent, as soon as he moved in with you he would have made you his medical DPA and...” He stopped when he looked at her face. He patted her shoulder. “Cheer up, dear. He'll be fine, I'm sure.”

“What happened to him?” she asked.

“It seems, in trying to get away from his father, Levi got distracted and slammed at a relatively high speed for street travel into a telephone pole. It totaled the car, and unfortunately, almost crushed Levi's right arm.”

“Oh god...and you said his air bag didn't deploy?” she asked.

“Yes. He has a pretty bad head injury and internal bleeding,” he said. “I'm not sure of anything else, sorry.”

The doors to the ICU opened and Mr. Ackerman stepped out. Hange narrowed her eyes and Pixis held her arm.

“I thought I told you not to call the damn tranny!” he cried.

“I explained that I am only Levi's secondary emergency contact and Hange is the primary. If anything she should have been called before I was,” Pixis said.

“You know, it was fucked up enough when my boy was sleeping with guys, but now you're adding shemales to the list. Fucking disgrace...”

Hange narrowed her eyes. “Your son is in there _dying_ and you're worried about the gender of the people he's been sleeping with? How does that have any bearing on the fact that his life is in the balance and I'm the one who knows the most about his recent medical history?”

“You don't get to talk, you freak of nature. God, I knew I screwed up as a father, but I didn't know how bad...”

“You think that because Levi's slept with men, it means you ruined him?”

“That is weird, but all the best bartenders are gay. I could learn to live with that. It's _you_. That is the nail in the coffin. What the fuck _are_ you? What are you hiding, a dick in those baggy jeans?”

He reached for Hange's crotch, but Pixis moved her behind him. It was just as well, for Hange was about to punch in the face. A look at the bruising on the side of his face, said Levi might have gotten to that already. She breathed as evenly as she could.

“If I tell you exactly what gender I am, will you focus on Levi? Will you let me help where I can?” she asked.

“Maybe. If I like the answer.”

“You don't have to,” Pixis said to Hange.

She shook her head. Mr. Ackerman was the only one who could be with Levi at the moment, he was the only one who could potentially let her see him. And the only thing that made him block her, he only reason he was talking about what was in her pants rather than what was happening with Levi, was that he didn't know her gender. It shouldn't matter. Even if she was a transgirl, even if she was intersex, even if she was a different definition of non binary, it shouldn't have any weight in whether or not she should be involved with Levi's healthcare. But she had no status, no right. They were not married, though every part of her told her they were.

She bit her lip and squared her shoulders. “My was born Zoë Hange. I have never had any corrective surgery, but I do not have a gender.”

“Answer this straight: Do you have a pussy or a dick?”

“Oh, really now, that's none of your business,” Pixis said.

Hange blinked rapidly and swallowed. Of all the things to be asked. Her cheeks burned red. “No, I'll answer. I was born with a vagina. I still have it. It bleeds and everything.”

“So you're a girl,” he said.

Hange paused and closed her eyes. “Sure. Yeah.”

“Well, was that so hard?” he said.

“Just go inside and take care of Levi for once in your god damn life!” she cried.

“Fine, fine. Don't get your panties in a bunch,” he said.

Just like that, Levi's father went back in to be with Levi. It didn't seem fair to her, that one of the most toxic people in his life was allowed to be with him, and she and Pixis, who loved him the most were left outside. She started to cry. In pain, in rage, in fear, the tears just kept coming. Pixis held her until she calmed down.

“Listen. Go back to Armin, let him know what happened. I'll stay here and let you know of any news as soon as it happens,” Pixis said. She nodded. “Levi knows you love him whether you are right next to him or far away.”

She closed her eyes and tried to choke back a sob. She knew.

* * *

A lot happened in thirty six hours. They found out Levi was not going to die, though it was a miracle he survived. The bleeding was stopped, he had a metal plate in his arm, he got a few stitches for some cuts, and as far as they could see, his head injury hadn't done much more than knock him out. It took some begging, but given the situation, they decided to move Levi to the same room as Mr. Arlert. And in all that time, thirty six hours, Hange didn't leave the four walls of the hospital. And much to her surprise, barring a quick smoke here and there, neither did Mr. Ackerman.

When Levi was finally brought to the room, there was an awkward silence between all of them. Simon was fast asleep, as was Armin, and obviously Levi was out cold. This left Mr. Ackerman and Hange sitting across the room from each other. Armin was curled up awkwardly on his grandfather's bed and Hange rubbed his shoulder She wanted nothing more than to be with Levi, but she didn't want to be near his father. Unfortunately, Pixis was forced to leave for work, but he promised he'd be back as soon as he could get away. She didn't acknowledge Levi's father at all. But her eyes lingered on Levi's ashen face. There were a few cuts, some stitches on his forehead. Oh, how she wanted to touch him and let him know she was there.

“You know, I stayed with him the whole time,” Mr. Ackerman said. Hange didn't say anything. It was the very least he could do, he didn't deserve her praise. “He woke up just once. He was in pain, he was hopped up on some serious drugs and do you know what the bastard said?” She shrugged. “He asked for you, of course. But when I said I was there, he grabbed my shirt and said, 'If you hurt Zoë, I'll fucking kill you.'” Hange bit her lip and fought her tears. Mr. Ackerman chuckled. “Guess he really likes you or something.”

She glanced up at him, before focusing on Armin.

“Who's the kid?” he asked.

“This is Armin. His grandfather here is dying. I'm adopting him,” she said.

“Damn, Levi's gonna let you do that?”

“He told me I should. He didn't want Armin to have to face being alone in the system the way he was,” Hange said. Only for a brief moment did she feel bad about what she said, but that was short lived.

“Look, Zoë, right? I think we've gotten off to a bad start. Can we do this right?” he asked.

She sighed and nodded.

“All right, so you're Dr. Zoë, and I'm Vern, Levi's dad,” he said. He held out his hand. Hange got up and went across the room to shake it, daring to sit next to him. “So...what exactly made you like this little bastard?”

She stared at him, unsure of what exactly she should say.

“He always looked out for me, in his own way. From the first time we met, he's gone out of his way to help and take care of me. And I...I feel like I let him down...” She ran her hand over Levi's face, careful not to touch any of the stitches. She ran her fingernails gently against his scalp. “I left him alone when I knew I should have stayed. I should have been there with him...”

“Hey...don't cry,” Vern said. “I was the one antagonizing him on the road. This is my fault. If I know him, he sent you and the kid away so you could be safe. He's always been like that.”

Hange held Levi's uninjured hand and kissed it a few times. She and Vern didn't say much to each other after that. She was too beside herself, and Vern was clearly sorting something through his head. It was hours until Levi even began to start coming around. Mike and Nanaba stopped by very briefly to check on them and to take Armin back to the house. Simon woke up at one point, but was whisked off by more doctors for further testing. Hange was not going to leave Levi's side, not until he woke up. Finally, he started to open his eyes. She put her hand on his chest, she could feel his heart beating and it brought her some comfort.

“Don't move,” she said softly. “You're banged up pretty bad.”

She frowned as he continued to stare blankly into space. Something was wrong.

“Zoë?” he said. “Is my dad still here?”

“Right here, kiddo,” he said. Levi squeezed her hand with surprising strength given he had been knocked out and put on pain killers for the past several hours.

“Did he hurt you? Are you okay?” he asked.

“I'm fine. I'm more worried about you,” she said. And she was with each passing second.

“I can't see you. Why are all the lights off?” he asked. Hange narrowed her eyes in concern.

“It's the middle of the day, the room is completely lit,” she said. She waved her hand in front of Levi's eyes.

“Oh, god...” she whispered. “Call a nurse!”

Levi gripped her hand and started to breathe rapidly.

“Why can't I see you?” he asked.

“I don't know,” she said. But she pressed his hand against her face. It was cold and clammy but she held it against her cheek and kissed his palm.“You can feel me right? You know I'm here,” she said. He ran his thumb down the bridge of her nose. He was still shaking, but he calmed down enough by the time the nurses arrived. They shined a light into his eyes, did a few movements with their hands. No response. They called a doctor and started to rush him off for an MRI and a CT scan. Vern stared after them.

“So...Levi might be blind?” he said.

“Maybe...” Hange said.

Vern put his head in his hands. “Just when I thought I couldn't screw up any more. You were right, forget the kid fucking guys, I almost killed him, and I probably blinded him. Dr. Zoë, I saw him trapped in the car covered in blood.” Hange pressed her hand over her mouth and stifled a sob. “I've never seen him look like that and I've done a lot of horrible things to him. So...this is my wake up call. Either I sober up or die. Tell him I said that, will you?”

Hange nodded. Vern removed a metal chain from his wrist. “Put it on him. He'll know exactly what it is, even if he can't see it. And...before I go...can I get Pixis's number? He knows someone who might be able to help me...”

She gave him the number and he got up to leave. He shook her hand one last time.

“Answer me this. Real honest. If Levi's blind, what are you going to do?”

“Well...we'll have to find what programs are available to him. Maybe he'll need a white cane, learn braille. I'll have to see if there's things I need to do I to keep him safe in the house. I'll probably get away with dressing him crazy, since he can't see,” she said.

“So essentially, you're going to stay with him? You're not going to pack up and leave?” he said.

“Why? He takes care of me, I take care of him. It's simple like that.”

“Now I know why he likes you,” Vern said. “Take care, kid.”

Hange watched him leave. As soon as he was gone, as soon as he could no longer hear his booted foot steps on the linoleum, she pressed her face into the mattress and screamed. The tears flowed freely in the absence of people. She didn't want Levi to suffer and be in pain. And his transition into life without sight would be difficult. But she had to be there for him, she would do all she could to be by his side. Levi returned with the nurses about a half hour later. Once he was settled, once the nurses left he groped around for her hand. She held his hand with both of hers. She was glad he couldn't see her, she was a little sweaty, gross, and so worn out and she was crying still. Levi was still pretty out of it, she could tell. He freed his hand from her grasp and found her face. He grimaced, he felt the tears that lingered.

“You 'd better not be crying Shitty Glasses. Not over me,” he said.

“Shut up, you can't tell me what to do,” she said. He curled a lock from her ponytail around his fingers.

“Guess you're right. I can't. I just hate it when you cry. I'm glad I can't see it,” he said. “They said that I have some sort of trama something I don't know.  I hit my head really hard and it messed with the nerves to my eyes. But because they caught it so quickly they can restore most of my sight. I might need glasses or something. I'll have to be operated on later tonight.”

She sighed. “What a relief.”

She kissed his cheek a few times and he turned his head so she'd kiss his lips too. He was tired still, and it was a bit odd for him to be looking at her, but not seeing her actually. He kissed her again and ran his hand gently over her face, his eyes were brimming with tears, shining with dull, wet pain.

“I thought I'd never hear your voice again,” he said. A few tears escaped. She stroked his face and down his neck. He was struggling to keep composed, he ran his hand through her hair.

“I love you,” she said. One sob got out and he bit his lip to try and keep the rest from coming out. She kissed each falling tear. She had to let him know it was okay to be hurt, and it was okay to let her help him. She eased into the space next to him on the bed, careful not to move him too much, the brace did much to keep his injured arm in place, but she didn't want to agitate it. He put his head on her shoulder and sighed.

“Where's my dad?” he asked.

“He left. He said he was going to get sober or die,” she said.

“Did he now?” Levi said.

“He wanted me to give you this,” she said. She put the chain on Levi's wrist. He breathed in a sharp breath and brought the chain against the side of his face, as though he'd done so many times before to comfort himself. He blinked rapidly before he pressed his hand against his eyes.

“The damn bastard. Trying to make me hope he's telling the truth this time...”

Hange nuzzled her cheek against his hair. Levi cried until he was exhausted. By then, it was time for another dose of his pain medication, which made him even more tired. But even in his state of lethargy, he was giving her instructions.

“You're mine, don't forget, Shitty Glasses,” he mumbled.

“I know,” she said.

“When they put me under for my surgery, go home and shower because you smell,” he said.

“All right.”

“And eat something because I could hear your stomach from down the hall.”

“Yes, Levi.”

“And get some fucking sleep and take care of Armin, you hear?” he said.

“I will,” she said.

He sank lower in his bed and his head lolled to one side. She laughed a bit. The drugs were really taking effect, he was going to be knocked out in a minute or so.

“And don't get fucking eaten. They don't shit you out and it's a lot of fucking effort to gut those things,” he said.

She blinked rapidly. “What?”

He was already asleep. She shrugged and kissed him. At least he was no longer in pain.

* * *

Both Levi and Simon were sent home, Simon in a few days, and Levi in a week. While Levi was sent home with the prospect of wearing glasses and several months of physical therapy, Simon essentially had a death sentence. He had many options, but he chose to stay home and let death come peacefully with his friends and family nearby.  
Even with Simon's death closer than ever, Hange found comfort in Levi's presence. She woke up in the morning and watched him sleep. He'd been home only a day or two, she hovered over him, she couldn't help it. She had almost lost him, she felt like she had to make sure he was still with her. She ran her hand gently over his cast and stroked his fingers. He sighed in his sleep. She snuggled closer pressed her face against his shoulder. He groaned and put his uninjured arm around her. She kissed his neck, working her way up to his jaw.

She was saving the best for last. Levi had grown a fair amount of stubble, which Hange had never seen on him before. She rubbed her lips gently against his jaw and she felt his hand travel from her arm to the back of her neck. His breath hitched as she nuzzled her cheek against his. He moaned softly as she continued to nuzzle and kiss his rough cheeks until her skin felt a little raw. She welcomed the feel of his soft lips, and his hand traveled to the back of her head, threading through her hair. He pulled her closer, going for a slightly sloppy open mouthed kiss. Levi was a little careless when he was just waking up, but the lack of refinement made the kisses better.

She pulled away so she could rub his cheeks again. He chuckled.

“Good morning,” he whispered. She hummed and licked his jaw. He moaned again.

“If I'd known having a little five o'clock shadow would turn you on so much, I would have grown this out a long time ago,” he said. “Just for a little while.”

“You just look different, especially when you wear the glasses. And you're still so amazingly hot,” she said.

“I'm going to he barber's today, so I'm going to get a shave. Sorry.”

“Well, you do kind of need a hair cut,” she said.

“I could grow it out.”

She grinned and carefully studied his face. “Let's take a picture so we can remember.”

He groaned. “I look so bad...”

“No, you look fine. Now, put your glasses on!”

He groaned again, but reached over and put on his glasses. They were horn rimmed glasses and Hange thought they made his nose look cute. Of course, Levi did not like being _told_ his nose was cute, so instead she kissed him more often. She held up her arm so she could get a better angle and Levi did his best to smile, albeit half heartedly.

She giggled as he reached into his side table drawer.

“If you like me with long hair, take a look at these. Pixis gave them to me when he stopped by yesterday. I was working at the library during junior and senior year and he snapped a few pictures,” he said. He tossed an envelope on the bed. She opened it and started to laugh.

“Oh, my god. No wonder you never tell Armin to cut his hair!” she said. His hair was long, falling well past his shoulders but it was surprisingly well kept and shiny. He wore button down shirts and slacks. “This is priceless! Wait...in this picture, you have a pony tail but...is that an undercut?”

“Yeah.”

She laughed. “You are too much! But...I'll admit, that style on you right now would be kinda hot.”

She shuffled through a few more giggling before she found one picture that warmed her heart. Levi was holding a little boy with large glasses and brown hair. They were sitting in one of the oversized chairs reading a book together. She ran her finger over the image. She felt a deep pang of something, she couldn't explain it. She bit her lip and pressed her hand over her stomach. Levi had a knack for dealing with children even at such a young age. Levi rested his chin on her shoulder.

“You like that picture?” he asked. She nodded.

“You always look so at home with kids,” she said.

He kissed her neck. “I can't, Zoë.”

She started. “What?”

“I can't be a father, Zoë. Not when I'm like him.”

She ran her fingers along his cheek. “You're nothing like your father.”

“I am. He's a part of me. And I can't bear the thought of you ever having to deal with that. I'm scared...”

She held him. “I wouldn't be here if you were like him. We're going to have to wait anyway. We're not having babies tomorrow.”

“And...what if I don't ever feel ready to have kids?” he asked. She held his face.

“I have Armin. Our relationship is about us first,” she said. She kissed him. “Okay?”

He pressed his forehead against hers. “You deserve all the babies you want. As scared as I am, there's still a part of me that wants to give them to you.” She whimpered and she was glad she was sitting on the bed, because her knees went quite weak. “I'm a bit shaken up right now. Let me work though this.”

She cupped his cheek. “Let's work through this together. And from now on, please, let's face your parents together. It seems like if we face either one of them alone, varying degrees of disaster happen.”

“I agree,” Levi said. Hange's eyes landed on the silver chain on Levi's wrist. It clearly meant something to him, but she wasn't sure what. He adjusted his glasses. “I'm hungry. Let's make breakfast for everyone.”

She grinned and helped him out of bed. Windex was waiting for them outside the door, almost as though she had graciously allowed them their moment before she decided to demand their attention. Descending the stairs brought them back to reality. That the warmth of being cloistered away in their room was fleeting. Levi had to take his pain medication, Simon was downstairs on his last legs and Armin was starting to look very pale and barely spoke the past few days and said even less that particular morning. Hange was anxious. She glanced over her shoulder as she mixed the pancake batter and Levi was measuring out tea leaves. He glanced at her over his glasses and smiled faintly.

She took a deep breath. Her mind was made up. She could do this.

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was an inevitable loss.

Erwin and Marie offered to help Levi and Hange as often as they can. Marie suggested they all have dinner together a few nights a week, she offered to come over and cook, since no one wanted to leave Simon alone. Levi agreed to it. He and Erwin hadn't had much time for socializing since both of them became straddled with taking care of a family.

The evening started out normally. Marie all but bounded in, baby in one arm and groceries in the other and Erwin carrying more groceries behind her. Levi kind of looked forward to their coming, mostly because he rather liked Melody. He supposed he couldn't hide his soft spot for children. Levi moved to take her, but Hange swooped in before him. Melody wrapped her arms around Hange's neck and Hange rubbed her nose against her cheek and Melody smiled a toothless grin.

“Thanks for coming,” Hange said.

“Yes, yes. We'll talk over dinner, Erwin and I are cooking now. Have fun with Melody,” she said. Levi did not like being shooed out of his own kitchen, but he was glad to not to worry about cooking. With his arm in the brace it was difficult navigating the kitchen. He sat on the couch with Hange while she cooed with Melody. Melody seemed to love Hange, she giggled and would wiggle with excitement at her faces. Levi smiled and rubbed his nose against Hange's hair.

“You want to play too?” Hange asked.

Levi kissed Hange's neck. She squeaked, which made Melody laugh harder. Levi liked the sound of baby laughs and the way Hange's face flushed red.

“You can't do that in front of a baby,” she said. He kissed her cheek.

“I just did. She won't remember,” he said. Hange grimaced and kissed his lips.

“That will have to do for now. Now excuse me, I'm assisting in Melody's cognitive development,” she said. Watching Hange cuddle and play Melody filled him with an ache he couldn't describe. He was so conflicted. He wanted to have children so badly it hurt, practically tore him apart. But he knew the sad truth, that even if Hange deserved to be a parent, he didn't. He put his head on her shoulder.

Even if it was a dream he couldn't have, something he'd tried to lock away since the accident, it was so close. He was with Hange as she cradled a child in her arms. He pressed his forehead against her neck, he couldn't say what he wanted. He didn't want her to know more than she already did.

“Levi, at least take off your glasses if you're going to do that,” she said. He kissed her neck again, earning another squeal. “And I still don't think this is entirely appropriate in front of a baby.”

“Fine, you let me play with her then,” he said.

“Can you even hold her?” she asked.

“I'll do my best,” he said. Melody leaned against his chest and he steadied her with his arm. Melody certainly had Erwin's blond hair and intense stare. Thankfully, she seemed to have inherited Marie's playfulness. She immediately reached for his glasses. He leaned away so she couldn't reach them. She giggled and managed to get a firm grip on his shirt. She reached again and Hange laughed.

“Don't take his glasses,” she said. Melody pressed her drooly face against his cheek and this time it was Levi's turn to laugh.

The door to the basement opened and closed. All three sets of eyes turned to Armin. Melody gasped almost. Levi supposed at this point in his life, Armin was something to look at. He was starting his senior year of high school, he was now a few inches taller than Hange, he had amazing blond hair, and almost etherial blue eyes. Melody turned away from Levi to stare at Armin. Armin smiled softly and kneeled to Melody's level. Her eyes followed him intently and she grinned wider and wider. He smiled and she clapped her hands.

“Hello there. Did you come to give us dinner?” he said. She reached for him and he took her from Levi. Levi didn't want to tell him how grateful he was that Armin took her away from him. He took Hange's hand and squeezed. She kissed his temple.

“You okay?” she asked. He sighed and nodded. “No you're not. Do you want to talk about it later?”

He closed his eyes and put his head on her shoulder again. “No. I can't.”

She kissed his forehead. “All right. Let's just have dinner.”

He honestly didn't want to. He didn't want to make Hange think of things they couldn't have. He already regretted thinking so extensively about what his children with Hange would look like, what they'd be like. He pulled himself into the here and now. Armin was with Melody, Hange was by his side and Erwin just announced dinner. He could only focus on taking good care of the people that were already here and not worry about disappointing those that didn't even exist.

* * *

School had just started for Armin. It was his senior year, and for the first week or so, he seemed to be holding things together. But Levi knew it was a matter of time before everything caught up with him. He got a call from Erwin while he was at work. What worried Levi was that Erwin did not call from his cellphone, but from the phone in his office. It meant that something was wrong with Armin. Levi felt his heart stop and answered quickly.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

“Calm down,” Erwin said. “Armin just fell asleep in class.”

Levi sighed. “So he's okay?”

“Not exactly. He has a high fever. I'm going to send him home,” Erwin said.

“I'll take him. We'll go to the doctor,” he said.

“Good. I'll see you in a few minutes,” Erwin said.

Levi drove over quickly. He was afraid of this. When he arrived Armin was curled up on the couch in the office. Levi grimaced and came over.

“Hey,” Levi said. Armin opened his eyes and he sat up.  
“I'm sorry, Levi,” he said. Levi knelt down and held Armin's face. He was burning up, his cheeks were flushed.

“You're not doing well at all. What did the nurse say?” he asked.

“I'm at 102 degrees,” Armin said.

“All right. We'll be taking your temperature for a few hours. We'll get you home so you can rest.”

Armin nodded. They got in the car and Armin reclined the seat back and closed his eyes. They didn't say much, but Levi made a plan of action. First thing was, with Simon's compromised immune system, Armin could not be around him. Levi wanted Armin to stay upstairs with him and Hange. But he could adjust the plan if Armin refused to leave Simon downstairs alone. He needed a shower, tea, food, rest, medicine. The food part might be hard, since he was still in a brace. He had a bit of mobility back in his arm, he could manage soup. They pulled into their driveway. As they approached, Oluo pulled up. He waved.

“Hey, Levi! How's the arm?” he called.

“Doing all right,” Levi said. “Are you showing the house today?”

“Yep. It's the first one, but I'm sure this will go quickly,” he said.

“Good, see you later,” he said. Levi steadied Armin with one arm and they entered the house together. Once inside, they sat and removed their shoes.

“I suggest you take a shower and change,” Levi said.

“Okay,” Armin said.

Levi smiled. It was nice to have someone be grateful at the suggestion of a bath, rather than resistant.

“I know this is going to be hard to hear, but I really suggest that you stay away from your grandfather,” Levi said.

“I know. Can I tell him through the door why I can't see him?” Armin said.

“Of course.”

Armin stumbled off. Levi decided to go and make Armin something to eat. It was about twenty minutes before Armin came downstairs. He got his own medicine, but was eager to drink tea while Levi finished cooking. Armin wasn't much for talking. He started watching movies on the couch, but barely made it through one before he was asleep. Levi called Hange to let her know about Armin. He'd hadn't gotten ill since they moved in with them, so he didn't know what sort of sick person he was. Whatever mood he was in, they'd take care of him.

* * *

Armin only woke up to talk a little bit. But when it was time for bed, he refused to stay upstairs with them. In the end, Hange was the one who convinced Levi to sleep in the basement on the pull out couch with her. Armin slept in his room. Levi was ready for any situation. He had night time cold medicine, cold compresses. He was ready.

Before they all got officially settled, Armin opened Simon's door just a bit. Levi moved to stop him, but Hange grabbed his arm.

“Good night, Grandpa. I love you,” he said.

“Good night, Armin,” Simon said. “Come give me a hug.”

Levi was about to tear his arm off to stop him. The result was a lot less gruesome, he dragged Hange along to the door.

“Tell Levi to calm down,” Simon said. Levi grimaced, but Hange laughed. Armin entered the room and gave his grandfather a hug. He smoothed Armin's hair. “You are burnin up. Go rest.”

Hange and Levi entered and Hange held Simon's hand.

“Good night, Zoë,” he said. Levi patted his arm awkwardly. Armin leaned on Hange as they left.

“See you all in the morning,” Simon said.

Once Armin was in bed, Hange set up the pull out couch and fell asleep almost immediately. Levi stayed up inputting work for a bit. Clorox slept outside of Armin's room. Windex crawled under Hange's arm, Lysol curled up at the small of her back. He loved watching Hange sleep sometimes. She would be so still, so peaceful. He almost hated that he had to sleep beside her and ruin everything. He settled under the covers as best he could and she reached for his hand and he kissed her knuckles. All was peaceful mostly. Until he heard a door creak open. He assumed it was Armin going to the bathroom, so he didn't move. But after a while, when he didn't hear him return to his room, Levi sat up. He walked over toward the hallway and saw Armin curled up in front of the door to Simon's room. Levi knelt beside him and put his hand on his forehead. Armin was still burning up, but didn't seem to be doing worse. He gave him a gentle shake. Armin groaned a bit.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Armin nodded. “Why are you sleeping down here?

“I would sleep with Grandpa when I'm sick,” Armin said. Levi closed his eyes slowly. His heart twisted just thinking about the loss Armin was going to experience.

“Come on, get up. Lean on me,” Levi said. Armin sat up and Levi put his arm around Armin's waist. They stumbled down the hall. “When's the last time you took your medicine?”

“Right before bed,” Armin said.

“Does your throat hurt?” Levi asked.

“Not too bad. I feel all sweaty and gross...”

“It's okay. We'll take care of you.”

Armin crawled on the bed and curled up. Hange sat up and put her glasses on.

“What's going on?” she said as she ran her hand over Armin's shoulder. Levi soaked a washcloth with water. When he returned, he found Hange holding Armin. He had head head on her chest, and his breathing was a touch labored. Hange took the washcloth from Levi and she wiped Armin's forehead and the side of his face. He whimpered.

“Oh, Armin,” she whispered. She wiped his face, neck and arms. He seemed to relax enough to fall asleep, though it was a bit fitful. Levi relinquished his spot on the bed. He could imagine how hot Armin would get sharing the body heat with two people. He ran his hand through Armin's hair. He shivered. He went and grabbed a blanket and curled up on the recliner.

“Thank you,” Armin mumbled. They fell asleep hoping Armin would get enough rest to recover a bit.

* * *

Levi woke up with his alarm clock. Hange was awake cradling Armin. He was in tears, sniffling and shivering. Levi came over and moved his bangs away from his face. His face was flushed and his eyes were a bit bleary. Levi narrowed his eyes a bit in concern.

“Morning, Armin,” Levi said.

Armin nodded slowly, “Hey...”

It was whispered and drawn out. Almost like he forgot Levi's name. Hange and Levi met eyes.

“What's his temperature?” Levi asked.

“It hasn't gone up, but it hasn't gone down either,” Hange said. “He's miserable.”

“I'll make some tea. Let me check and see if Simon wants some too,” Levi said. He got up and knocked on the door. Clorox pawed at the door. “Good morning, Simon.” It was quiet. He knocked again. “Hello, Simon?”

The silence worried him. He opened the door just a crack. Clorox walked in and stopped. Levi adjusted his glasses a bit. He went in and knew something was wrong. He went in and nudged Simon a bit. No reaction, not even a stir.

“Simon!” he said, raising his voice. He was cold. Levi checked for a pulse, for signs of life, just in case. Nothing. Armin was at the doorway, Hange was with him.

“Grandpa?” Armin said softly. He pulled away from Hange and pushed Levi aside. “Grandpa, wake up!” Armin backed away and fell to his knees. “He said he would see us in the morning.” Armin said. “He said he'd see us in the morning!”

He lay on his side and curled up tightly and started to sob. Levi put his hand on Armin's shoulder. He expected him to recoil, instead, Armin grabbed him and held tightly. Levi closed his uninjured arm around him.

“I've got you,” Levi said softly. Hange knelt beside them and put her arms around both of them. Armin didn't stop crying for a while.

“He's not hurting anymore,” Hange said.

“I know,” Armin said.

“He's at peace.”

Armin sniffled. “I-I'm a bad person. I'm a terrible person. Because I'm sad but...I'm so glad.”

Hange rubbed Armin's back. “He's not weak from chemo. He's not sore, or exhausted. He's just resting.” He finally sat up and rubbed his eyes. “W-we have to take him away but...can I stay with him? U-until...just until...”

“It's okay,” Levi said.

“I'll stay with you,” Hange said.

“Please?” Armin said. Levi left them to make the call. It was inevitable, Levi knew. But Simon was his neighbor. He was one of the first people to welcome him to the neighborhood. And all the time they had while sharing a home, working in the garden, cooking together, watching movies, reading, so many little things. Levi didn't bother denying it. Simon was family. He called the funeral home Simon specified. Levi didn't feel like he was in his body. He waited for the undertakers to arrive and as he sat at the table in the kitchen, his eyes fell on Simon's straw hat hanging by the door.

He rested his head on his arms to hide his tears.

* * *

Levi worked hard to keep things going. Right now, it was a weekend, a week after Simon's very quiet burial ceremony. Armin was upstairs curled up in Hange's arms. Levi wanted to give them their space, Hange was better at comforting people than he was. He was the one who could keep life going. He measured out Hange's coffee and measured out tea leaves. He set the table. As he turned to get the eggs and various vegetables for a quick egg fritada, he froze. He turned and looked over at the table. Four settings. One too many. He sighed and picked up the extra dishes.

He barely heard Armin enter the kitchen. He said nothing, just lingered while Levi put the dishes away.

“Morning,” Levi said.

“Good morning,” Armin replied. He twisted his sleeve as Levi faced him.

“I need your help,” Armin said.

“Anything,” Levi said.

“I want to clean out Grandpa's room. I-I don't think I can do it on my own and...”

“We can start as soon as you want.”

“After breakfast.”

Levi nodded and rubbed his arm. Breakfast was a rather grim affair. Levi watched Armin as he ate. Armin didn't really eat much, but made a valiant show of pushing food around his plate. It wasn't promising. He almost dreaded going down the stairs. Hange started down with them, but Armin stopped her.

“I need to do this with Levi. I'll call you when we're ready to move the boxes,” he said. Hange blinked rapidly and turned to Levi, who shrugged. She nodded and hugged Armin. He remained stiff and did not return the hug. She left and Levi felt her heart break s keenly as it was his own. They went downstairs to Simon's room. The linens on the bed had long since been washed, but Armin's eyes lingered on the bed where his grandfather had been found. He scanned the room the way Levi scanned the the destruction after his father would visit. There was an overwhelming desire to make things right. He was unsure how Armin would chose to correct things.

“Let's get rid of it,” he said.

Levi raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“Just throw it all out.”

This didn't seem like Armin at all. Levi adjusted his glasses.

“How about we take a step back. Let's make a 'give,' 'sell,' and a 'toss' pile,” Levi said. Armin swallowed and nodded. “Where do you want to start?”

Armin gazed at the bookshelves. Levi took out a pen and wrote labels on the boxes. Armin dumped armfuls of books in the 'toss' box.

“Calm down. We want to finish, but let's not just throw things out that important. I think Hange would like this botany book.”

“Fine.”

“And this is a photo album. I want these. There's pictures of you and Simon in here.”

“Fine. Keep it.”

Levi put it in the give box. It took a bit of coaxing, but Levi got Armin to actually _look_ at items, rather than just blindly throw them away. Armin's poor attempts at emotional distance only highlighted that he was deeply hurt. It took a while to go through everything, but finally they came to the last box. Armin froze when he opened it. He covered his eyes with one hand and put closed it. Levi sat next to him and opened it. Inside was a picture frame on top of a few other things. It was obviously Simon's high school portrait, a bit discolored, possibly from the early sixties. Simon looked so much like Armin it was eerie.

“I just want to move on,” Armin whispered.

Levi put a hand on his shoulder. “You are. You're doing fine.”

“I just want to be strong and it's not working,” he said.

“Armin...”

“Why do I keep crying? Why do I hold on to Hange like she's my mother, like she doesn't have enough to deal with? Why can't I just stand on my own?”

“Because you're not supposed to,” Levi said.

“You do it.”

“No. I don't,” Levi said. Armin looked at him in surprise. “When I tried to stand on my own I hurt a lot of people who loved me, but I especially hurt myself. I told you a few months back that it was okay ot lean on us, that it didn't make you any less strong or capable. It's okay to grieve however you need to.”

Armin said nothing, but hugged Levi and rested his head on his shoulders. Levi rubbed his back as he sobbed softly. Windex found her way over, as if sensing one of her beloved humans was in need of comfort. He hued her as she wormed her way into his arms. She purred loudly against Armin's chest.

“See? Even Windex wants to take care of you,” he said. Armin rubbed his nose in her fur.

“I-I want Hange to be with us,” he said.

“I'll get her,” Levi said. He went up to the main floor and found her in the living room with the other cats. She sat up straight as she met eyes with him.

“Our son needs us,” he said. Hange jumped up and took his hand. She gave him a quick kiss before they joined Armin in the basement.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi did not expect to be so meticulous about a stupid Halloween party.

This was one year Levi was actually hoping Hange would ask about Halloween. But with Simon’s death, he knew it might be in bad taste to bring it up. Plus, though he was out of the brace and he was making good progress in physical therapy, he was a touch limited in the kitchen. And he wasn’t sure how festive Armin was feeling. But one week into October, while they were watching television Armin coughed awkwardly.  
  
“So, ah...what are we doing for Halloween?” he asked.  
  
“I wanted to host a party at the house,” Levi said quickly. Hange stared at him for a long time.  
  
“Really?” she said.  
  
“Well, I had plans with Eren and Mikasa. We’re going to a creepy video game party instead of pulling pranks on people this year. Finally. But the theme for costumes is Super Smash Brothers,” Armin said.  
  
“Holy crap, please tell me you’re Link,” Hange said.  
  
“I-I want to be...I know that you guys won’t be coming with me, but I thought it would be nice if maybe you were Smash characters as well...”  
  
“Excuse me if I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Levi said. Hange and Armin both gasped.  
  
“Super Smash Brothers? Never heard of it? At least once?” Hange asked.”  
  
“I’m not really into video games. I’m aware of Sonic and Mario but not much else.”  
  
Hange cradled his head against her chest. “Shhh, shhh. You poor neglected baby. I’m so sorry. I’m a terrible, terrible Number One and I haven’t insisted you play my extensive library of video games.”  
  
“It’s not that serious...” Levi said.  
  
“I will break you in more gently another time, for right now, we play Super Smash Brothers!” she said.  
  
“Right now?”  
  
“Yes, right now! To the projector screen!”  
  
Armin was already halfway up the stairs and Hange dragged Levi behind her. And in one evening he was broken into Super Smash Brothers. Even though he wasn’t aware of what games everyone was from, it was rather fun to play anyway. After playing for a while, he figured out which characters he liked best (he found he worked best with either Marth or MetaKnight), and he was pretty much set on Marth as his chosen costume. Hange wanted to be Solid Snake. Hange hugged Armin.  
  
“Family costume! This is going to be so much fun!” she said. Armin held her tightly.  
  
“I’m so happy,” he said. “I’m going to go get ready for bed. Good night,” he said and kissed Hange’s cheek. He awkwardly hugged Levi and waved as he left the room. Levi reached into the side table drawer and pulled out a notebook.  
  
“I’ve got to make up a menu for our party,” he said.  
  
“Watch me play the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time,” she said.  
  
“I can do both.”  
  
She giggled and switched out the games. He and Hange snowballed ideas for a while, and he even played when he got frustrated with planning. Hange rested her head on his shoulder as he made his way through the Deku Tree. He had to say, he was hooked on this particular game at least. He hoped for more nights playing games while Hange fell asleep next to him.

* * *

Levi did not expect to be so meticulous about a stupid Halloween party. But he would not let Hange buy cheesy invitations. He bought sleek, black and copper invitations. Hange groaned as they got them ready for mailing.  
  
“This isn’t a wedding, they didn’t have to be so fancy,” she said.  
  
“This is a party _I’m_ hosting. I can’t have something that doesn’t properly reflect me,” he said.  
  
“At least let me glue a candy corn on them,” she said.  
  
He sighed. “Fine. That won’t be so bad.”  
  
She clapped her hands and pulled out the bag of candy corn and started gluing them on the invitations. He couldn’t help but smile despite himself.  
  
“When we get married the invitations can be as fancy as you want,” she said.  
  
His heart skipped a beat and he looked up at her in surprise. She didn’t make eye contact, but he could tell her face was red. He adjusted his glasses and continued to write addresses.  
  
“Do you promise?” he asked. She giggled.  
  
“Of course,” she said.  
  
He reached over and held her cheek and studied her flushed face.  
  
“Why are you blushing like that?” he asked.  
  
She bit her lip to keep from smiling too big. “I just...I think it would be nice to be married to you.”  
  
He pressed his forehead against hers. “What would I call you after we get married?”  
  
“I like Number One still. I don’t see why we have to change.”  
  
He rubbed his nose against hers. “How should I kiss you at the ceremony?”  
  
“Oh, not too scandalous. Not in front of our family,” she whispered.  
  
He gently caressed her bottom lip. “How about that?”  
  
“Perfect.”  
  
She kissed him again, equally as tenderly.  
  
“We should finish these invitations,” he said.  
  
“Maybe,” she said. She turned back to her work, but her flushed face seemed less uncomfortable. It was probably one of the first times they’d even hinted at marriage. He knew this had to happen soon. He couldn’t just be complacent. Sure, it practically felt like they were married already, but heaven forbid something happen to either one of them. He couldn’t bear not having Hange at his side when he needed her the most. And to think he’d be stuck with either one of his parents in her place. Not again. He was feeling more certain that he wouldn’t be putting her on the spot and she was most likely on the same page. But he wasn’t sure how to ask her. Everything had to be perfect.  
Well, he wasn’t proposing to her on Halloween, that much was certain. He could focus on making their party perfect first.

* * *

Levi had to be honest, physical therapy was one of the most frustrating things he'd ever been through. There was a fair amount of progress, but it was slow. He knew to count his blessings, it could have been worse. Honestly, the distraction of planning the Halloween party helped him to cope with the frustration over his therapy. It seemed the novelty of the final Levi, the former Halloween Scrooge hosting a party on the holiday he once hated was enticing. There was near one hundred percent RSVP, Oluo called practically in tears to say he was coming.

As the day drew near, he was surprised that he got more and more excited. Of course, he could only express this in a way he could, which, in comparison to Hange was extremely subdued. He planned the day exactly.

They'd go to school or work, change immediately after, take a picture together and Armin could take the car to go to his party. Levi and Hange would prepare for their guests. This was the first function they'd be hosting together as a couple in their house. Levi was not one to “test” relationships, but he was interested to see their dynamic in a situation like this.

When he got home from work, he finished up the prep work and started cooking immediately. Armin and Hange came home about an hour or so later. They finished putting up decorations while he worked. Hange all but dragged him out of the kitchen to put on their costumes. The break was worth it. Hange was eerily perfect as Solid Snake, though her squealing over Armin's Link costume made her slip out of character.

“Calm down, Hange,” Armin said.

“He's right, Four Eyes. Let's take a picture so he can go to his real party,” he said. It took a few tries before they got the angle right (and even more before Hange stopped making faces), but they finally had few shots they could all agree on. Armin left with a grin on his face. Levi hurried into the kitchen to resume cooking and Hange joined him.

The guests were to arrive and some of the snacks were set out. The first guests arrived and he ducked into the kitchen so he could work up the nerve to come out and greet guests. Hange was out front being the engaging host he knew she was, and he could stay in the kitchen with the food and come out when he wanted. As he was plating snacks he could hear the clack of heels on the kitchen floor. That certainly wasn’t Hange. He looked over his shoulder. Petra. He raised his eyebrows.  
  
“Hello,” he said.  
  
“Hey! Thanks for inviting us,” she said.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I invite you?” he asked. “Who are you supposed to be?”  
  
“Sandy.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“From Grease?”  
  
“Nope. Not ringing any bells.”  
  
“Honestly, Hange was out there singing all the songs from the whole movie.”  
  
“That’s why she’s the host and I’m back here.”  
  
Petra came over and put a hand on his shoulder. “You really have changed a lot since you met her.”  
  
“Have I?”  
  
“Yes. I would have never pictured you hosting a Halloween party. And somehow, little by little she got you to do something completely against your nature without making you a different person. It’s like she just unlocked the you that we all knew was inside.”  
  
Levi didn’t want to speak too much, lest he give Petra the satisfaction of knowing she’d actually said something that made him a bit emotional. He swallowed hard.  
  
“Can you take these out to the snack table?” he said.  
  
“Of course!” Petra said. She grabbed the tray and left. Levi blinked quickly and shook his head. He didn’t know what would have happened without Hange showing up. He didn’t know what he’d be doing now. Certainly not being in Oluo’s wedding in a few weeks. Definitely not hosting this party. Clorox wouldn’t be with them. What would have happened to Armin? He didn’t want to think about his family being separated.  
He was left alone, listening to the small talk going on in the living room. Hange came in briefly to get more ice and kissed his cheek.

There was one guest he knew would make their way into the kitchen. He heard him pull up a chair and Levi breifly looked over his shoulder and snorted in amusement.

“I would not have pegged you as a 'Les Mis' person, but I'm guessing Marie is?” Levi said.

“Oh, yes. We're Marius and Cosette this year,” Erwin said.

“Ah. And did Melody get a costume?”

“I wanted her to be Jean Valjean, but we settled on a frog onesie,” he said.

“Oh god the fact that you said seriously said 'onesie' is killing me,” Levi said.

“What? Melody is a baby and wears a onesie. Speaking of blond kids, what did your blond kid dress up as?” he asked.

They stood side by side sharing pictures of their children. Levi always knew Erwin would be sharing pictures of his children someday, but he never thought he'd have pictures to show as well. Somehow, Erwin's arrival at the party gave him the boost he needed to go out to the party. He didn't want to stay out there long, but he had a beer with Erwin and Oluo, held Hange's hand very briefly and shared some baking tips with Mrs. Jaegar. Even the Ackermans came, and Levi spoke with Joshua for a little bit. So far, so good. He returned to the kitchen to keep the food table stocked and to recharge after all the social stimulation. He was glad he took the chance to host this party. He wondered why he avoided it for so long.

* * *

When everybody left, when they finished cleaning and Armin texted them to let them know he was coming home, Hange continued to energetically flit from all over the room. He just wanted to take off his costume and play Ocarina of Time while Hange coached him. They helped each other out of their costumes and practically raced to the shower. Hange got there first, but Levi jumped in with her anyway. She feigned anger and smacked his arm.  
  
“Get out!” she said with a huge grin on her face.  
  
“Make me,” he said.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
She started to scrub his hair.  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked.  
  
“Well, the only way to get you out of the shower is to make sure you’re clean.”  
  
He sighed and let her wash him. It wasn’t really a sigh out of resentment, he was actually a bit excited (maybe too excited). Every caress made him lean into her, when she was finished, she was hugging him from behind with her hands resting on his stomach. She kissed his shoulders, his neck, behind his ear.  
  
“You did great tonight,” she said softly. Her fingers ran over his stomach and his breath hitched. He pressed his cheek against her wet hair. She licked his ear lobe.  
  
“Zoë...” he whispered. Her hands dipped lower and he groaned.  
  
“Everyone was so happy,” she said. She ran her thumbs over his hip bones as she nipped along his neck. “I love you so much.”  
  
Levi whimpered. He was so sensitive, he felt every drop of water, her heartbeat, her breath against his skin. It was all too much. He felt her fingers trace around his bellybutton. He was losing control. As she started to trace her fingers down the trail of hair on his stomach, bucked backwards a little too quickly. Both of them fell over. Hange started laughing as she rubbed her leg. Levi was a little less amused, because he saw a nasty bruise forming on her hip and because their sensual moment was over. He brushed his lips agains her bruise and then held her face with both his hands.  
  
“Sorry,” he said.  
  
“Don't be so serious,” she said. He helped her up and washed her hair, and carefully washed the rest of her. And he shamelessly lavished attention on her breasts as an apology for knocking her over. Her soft moans of pleasure made him feel he'd atoned a little bit for hurting her. They dried off and got in their pajamas. They crawled into their bed and Levi rested his head on Hange's lap while he played Ocarina of Time and she gave him suggestions when he got stuck (he preferred this than just being told what to do next). This was the only place he wanted to be. When he got tired, he paused the game and kissed her thighs. She got up and and he whined a little.  
  
“Don't go,” he said.  
  
“I have to turn off the game,” she said. She grabbed the controller and put everything away neatly. The room was now mostly dark. When she returned to his side, he pinned her to the bed. He ran his hand gently to her hip. She pursed her lips, but he didn't apply any pressure to her bruise.  
  
“I'm okay. It doesn't hurt too much,” she said.  
  
He kissed her once. Twice. He rested his cheek on one breast and slipped a hand under her shirt to grab the other. She wrapped a leg around him and he felt her fingernails lightly rake against his scalp.  
  
“What would you have done to me if I hadn't fallen in the shower?” he asked. She laughed and he loved the deeper tone it took with his ear against her chest.  
  
“I was experimenting with you. I'll take up my research again. You'll find out,” she said. He kissed her jaw.  
  
“Love you,” he said. She kissed his forehead.  
  
“Love you,” she said softly. Before he could say anymore, he felt the even rise and fall of her chest. He took her glasses off and put them on the table on her side of the bed and moved her so she could be under the blankets.  
  
“Zoë?” he said softly. She was fast asleep. She couldn't hear him. “Will you marry me?”  
  
She said nothing and he held her hand and breathed deeply. It was just practice for the real thing. He pulled her closer to him and she wrapped her arms around his waist.  
  
He wasn't brave enough to ask her when she was conscious. But he had to find it in him to ask her, because he couldn't imagine his future without her anymore.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What made you finally ask her?” Levi asked.

Everyone managed the stress of their weddings differently. While Erwin could easily rely on Marie’s carefree nature to calm him down, Petra and Oluo could work themselves into a frenzy together. Meaning Levi would often be the one separating them, talking sense to Oluo on his own and sending Petra to whichever girl friend she deemed capable of calming her down at the moment and then let them hash out their disagreements or worries together. This didn’t happen so often, but when it did, it was slightly irritating.

That being said, the wedding was nothing short of classy. The theme was a low key Gatsby style party, with lots of art deco and 20’s style themes. There was even a live band covering pop songs in a jazz era style. Levi could not have been more satisfied than if it was his own wedding. It was still just a bit too stuffy for his taste, less formal than Erwin’s but something like this didn’t seem to suit his vision for his own wedding. As it was not his wedding, he didn’t say anything. It was perfect for Oluo and Petra.

The night before the ceremony, they went out to drink at the pub Oluo was part owner. He was greeted like a celebrity, drinks were on the house, it was everything Oluo desired and deserved. Levi sat at the bar while the others talked. He was consumed with his own thoughts. He’d seen Oluo propose to Petra. But how did someone get courage like that? Just thinking about asking Hange to marry him froze him in his tracks. The bartender slid him a drink and Levi looked up.

“Matt,” he said.

“Long time, no see. I thought you’d never come by,” Matt said. He kissed both Levi’s cheeks. “You’re at a bachelor party, you should look more alive.”

“This is as ‘alive’ as it’s going to get,” Levi said.

Matt smirked. “How’s Hange?”

“She’s good. We moved in together since I last saw you.”

Matt’s eyes widened. “For real? That serious?”

“And we adopted one of the neighbor kids.”

“Cute.”

“No, I mean his grandfather died and she legally adopted him and we’re taking care of him together.”

Matt leaned on the bar for support. “Excuse me, I need a minute. I never thought I’d ever hear something like this from you of all people.”

“I know...”

“So will we be hosting your bachelor party next?”

Levi ran his fingers through his hair. “Not here. And I haven’t even asked her to marry me yet.”

“So ask her tonight.”

Levi sighed. “She deserves better than to be asked after a few drinks and wedding fever have set in.”

Matt smirked and crossed his arms. “Well, when you do ask her, bring her here to celebrate. I’m sure Oluo will be more than happy to host the party. I've got other customers, but let me know if you need something.”

Levi nodded and continued to nurse his beer. The party retired early, as Oluo’s nerves made it difficult for him to swallow alcohol after a while. They returned to Oluo’s condo. Levi was the only one staying over, Erd and Gunther were returning to their families. Levi spent most of the night thinking about Hange. He refused to be weak and call her. If he did he was bound to say something stupid. He was lucky that he didn’t have to. She sent him a picture of her and Armin curled up with the cats in their bed. That was enough to calm him down, but not enough to get him to sleep. He left the pull out couch and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He was not surprised to find Oluo there with the same idea. Oluo gave him a half hearted nod and Levi sat next to him at the counter. They were quiet for a while.

“I’m happy for you,” Levi said.

“Really?” Oluo said.

“Yeah. I am.”

He wanted to ask directly. How did you even propose to someone? But Levi was having trouble even asking that. He sighed deeply. He had to get something out of Oluo. Anything.

“What made you finally ask her?” Levi asked.

Oluo rested his head on one hand. “I couldn’t keep going without her.”

“But you guys have been dating for ages. How is this different from any other time?”

Oluo shrugged. “I wanted to let her know, without any doubts, that I am committed to her.”

“But did you have to marry her to do that?”

“Not really. I guess not. But I didn’t want to chance anything. If something happened to me, if we wanted kids, it’s just easier if we’re legally married. Maybe a wedding like this is selfish, but I wanted to celebrate us, y’know.”

Levi patted his arm. He knew. Levi returned to bed, certain that he would have to start making moves. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew he had to start making decisions quickly. There was a sort of tension he was feeling that was threatening to tear him apart. He could manage it for the time being, especially because he had to focus on Oluo.

* * *

Petra had a wedding at a church, one her parents approved of. While they were waiting for the bridal party to arrive, Oluo parked Petra’s father next to Levi. Levi saw the look of desperation on his face and said nothing. He’d met her father before, he was nothing short of awkward. Petra’s father put his arm around Levi.

“Oh, to think I used to hope that Petra would marry you,” he said. Levi cringed on the inside, but kept silent. “I mean, she used to talk about you all the time when she called home during college. I was so certain you’d be my son in law. But Oluo’s quite the guy. I know Petra is hard to get over, but I’m sure you can do well for yourself.”

“I’m sure,” Levi said.

“I was a little worried when they said you were wearing glasses now. I thought it might age you, but if anything they make you look even younger.”

“Is that so?” Levi said as he absently watched the guests come in, looking for Hange. She wouldn’t be late. He saw Armin, he was quite distinctive, but the person on his arm made him do a double take. It was Hange, there was no doubts in his mind. But she had gone way out of her way to dress for the theme of the wedding. Her hair was pin curled and tucked up, she had a beaded headband, a slinky black and silver dress and long black gloves. Her makeup was done according to the period, and her lips were so seductively red. And holy god, the stockings. He had to get up and at least watch her walk into the church. The stockings had a back seam that just made her legs look all the more alluring. He wanted to loosen his tie, but he had to keep calm, since Petra would have an absolute fit if he didn’t look perfect during the ceremony. But he felt like he needed a bucket of ice dumped over him. That came in the form of Erd dragging him back to the entrance of the church. Petra had arrived. There ceremony could start. And all Levi could think of was the way Hange walked in those heels.

* * *

Levi did not remember any specifics of what happened until he was at Hange's side. Ceremony, pictures, reception. He felt like a dog straining against a rope as he watched her from across the room. Armin left her in favor of being with Mikasa and Eren. When finally Oluo and Petra started greeting guests and dancing, he darted for her and tried to drag her away from the crowd. But she held his arm and made him sit down next to her.

“Do you like my look?” she asked.

“The proper question is: do _you_ like how you look?” he asked.

“I do. The whole feminine aesthetic of the ‘20s actually appeals to me. It’s a bit more androgynous, so I think it fits me.”

“Then I like it too.”

“I like your hair,” she said. She ran her leg against his and he bit his lip.”You know having it slicked back like that does something for me.”

He groaned and she chuckled and kissed him, her lips just brushing his cheek so it wouldn’t leave much of a mark, which was just as well, as he wouldn’t dare pull the same stunt he pulled at Erwin’s wedding. But the restraint she showed only seemed to make him feel more desperate for her. He was weak. She could have asked him anything at that moment and he would have done it. And her request was simple.

“Dance with me,” she said. He didn’t groan, complain, or even roll his eyes. He was out there, one hand on her waist, his eyes locked on hers. Maybe an hour passed, maybe five minutes. Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough. Hange was already magnetic without doing much, but when she dressed nicer than usual and was happy about how she looked, he was most certainly a moth to a flame. But Armin cut in to dance with his adopted mother, and that forced him to focus on his best man’s speech. He didn’t know why he was always asked to do this. He hated talking. He hated being the center of attention and being sentimental. But this meant something to Oluo and Petra for some reason.  
Next thing he knew he was holding a champagne glass in one hand and a mike in the other and all eyes were on him. He took a deep breath.

“Oluo, Petra said that you were more nervous to ask me to be your best man than to ask her to marry you,” Levi said. He knew to pause for the good natured chuckling. “Some might take that to mean that she was jealous of our bromance. But I know Petra too well. I think you knew she'd say yes, but you weren't sure if I would. But I...” He paused again until he found Hange and Armin. He smiled faintly. “I owe you. More than you even know. You told me once that you looked up to me because I saved you from a hazing, because I was your role model in gymnastics, I dress well, and I look out for people. I think there's a better person for you to look up to. They also look out for friends in need and dress well, but they're also sociable, well connected, business savvy, pretty funny in the right circumstances, and...they're one of my best friends. It's you. Petra married you for a reason, be your own role model from now on.”

He was done. He was as sentimental as he could be and he didn't want to do this anymore. He just wanted to crawl under a rock until everyone forgot what he said, but Oluo ran over in tears (and he somehow managed to bite his tongue) and gave him a hug. Levi returned it, honestly put his arms firmly around him and held him.

“Thanks, man,” Oluo said.

“No. Thank you. You have no idea what you've done for me,” Levi said. Petra came over and hugged him as well.

“It meant a lot to hear you say that,” she said.

“You both deserve it. I really want you to be happy,” he said. But this was too much feeling for him. He hurried over to sit with Hange and Armin. This was a different sort of feeling but he was used to it.

“Not bad,” Armin said. “Is this a preview of the 'Dad' speech you're going to give at my wedding?”

“Of course,” he said. Hange brushed her lips against his cheek again. His eyes practically rolled in back of his head. She laughed and put her legs on his lap and he rested a hand on her calf. The stockings were silky smooth to the touch. He kept it together in front of Armin, but he resisted the urge to throw her over his shoulder so they could find a dark corner. She dragged him back out on the dance floor and he had to further squash all his primal urges.

“You look tense,” Hange said. He grunted. She leaned over to whisper in his ear. “What would you do to be allowed to touch my legs?”

He pulled her closer. “Anything.”

“Then dance until I tell you to stop.”

“As you wish.”

She laughed, but he was dead serious. He was at her mercy. But he was enjoying every second of it.

* * *

Armin returned home before them, as Levi stayed behind to help with the clean up. Hange stayed with him and he was grateful for that. Levi didn't know how he managed to keep himself contained, but once they were home all bets were off. He couldn't keep his eyes off her legs. They seemed to sparkle and the seam in the back seemed to accentuate their length. He was distracted as they went upstairs to bed. He watched the way her legs moved and the lines they made. He bit his lip. She looked back at him and smirked as she kicked her leg as she leaned on the door jamb to their bedroom.

“You like them?” she asked

“Your legs? You know I do.”

She dragged him closer to their bed. “Wanna see more?” He nodded. She turned around. “Unzip my dress.”

He did, kissing the exposed flesh. “You wore a binder under this dress.”

“Yeah. It works with the 1920's look, y'know?”

“Mm-hm.”

He helped her slip out of the dress and saw she was wearing stockings and a garter belt. He was practically salivating. He licked his lips. She sat down on her bed and he just stared at her unsure of what to do for once. She laughed.

“You should get comfortable, you big lug,” she said.

“You really should take off your binder,” he said.  
She raised an eyebrow. “You're right.”

He was concerned about her comfort, but it certainly helped that her being comfortable involved her taking off more clothing. She helped him unbutton his shirt, undo his suspenders and remove his pants. He was in his undershirt and boxers now, equally as undressed. He turned his gaze back to her. She was plucking the bobby pins out of her hair, freeing her waves to fall over her shoulders. He held her face gently, stroking her cheek with his thumb. He kissed her nose and hovered over her red lips.

“You know what I want you to do with that lipstick,” he said.

“Then you'd better worship my legs tonight,” she said. He kissed her firmly on the lips.

“You've got it.”

He let her take control, kiss whatever she wanted. His lips, his cheeks, his ears, his neck. She removed his undershirt and kissed all over his chest and down his stomach. He moaned as she kissed her way back up his body, kissing his Adam's apple and jawline before sucking on his bottom lip. He held her face as he ran his tongue along hers. He kissed her gently, and ran his fingers through her hair. She sighed against his lips and ran her hands along his sides. He stopped kissing her when he found a few more bobby pins in her hair. She laughed and he smiled as he took out the ones he found. He met her eyes briefly before he kissed her neck.

“Stop, you're getting lipstick on me!” she said. He wasn't going to stop because of that.

“I always forget to take off your glasses,” he said. He took her glasses off and pressed his forehead against hers and rubbed her hip. He gave her ass a bit of a squeeze and she squeaked and kicked her legs a little. He rolled her off of him and nuzzled her neck.

“Lay on your stomach,” he mumbled against her skin. She did as asked and he kissed down along the back seams on one leg. He carefully removed each shoe and kissed back up the other leg. He kissed the small of her back a few times, licking along her spine. He crawled up so he could whisper in her ear.

“Sit on the edge of the bed,” he said. She nodded and and moved. He got on his knees and put one leg over his shoulder.

“L-Levi...” she said softly.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“It's fine. You're fine.”

He kissed the inside of her thigh near her knee. “May I take these off?”

She nodded. He unfastened the garters on the stocking. He carefully rolled it off, leaving a trail of kisses on the newly exposed skin. He repeated it with the other leg. He ran his hands over her legs and left lingering kisses and gentle nips.

Hange hadn't stopped giggling since he started. “My legs can't be that great.”

He glared up at her and gently bit the inside of her thighs.

“They're amazing,” he said. She rolled her eyes and he climbed up, forcing her to fall back on the bed. He held her wrists down as she continued to laugh.

“You look hilarious with all the lipstick on your face,” she said.

“Shut up. Your legs are fucking amazing.”

Hange licked her lips. “Are my lips amazing too?”

He kissed her quickly. “Hell yeah.”

“Mmm, more kisses, please,” she said. He lowered himself down and did just as she asked. She didn't seem to want any more gentle kisses. These were hot, wet and sensual. She let his hands travel, she even seemed excited when he rubbed slow circles against her breasts. When she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer against her, he stopped kissing her and examined her face.

“Is this okay?” he asked. He needed to know where to go from here, how far she wanted to take this. She bit her lip and nodded.

“Just...I-I want...” she said. She hugged him closer and rocked her hips against him. She let out a tiny whimper of pleasure and he bit his lip and pushed against her. “Can you grind on me a little? I-if you...I only...I just want try it...”

He kissed her forehead. “I get it.”

“Just don't stop kissing me. I like the kissing,” she said. He did claim her lips again and ground against her in slow movements. He wanted to be close to her more than anything and this was pretty damn close. He was practically glued to her. But he could feel it all, her quickening heartbeat, her every gasp, every hitched breath, and she was so soft and so wet and he could feel it through the fabric and he could feel himself straining. He moved against her and she let out a she let out a squeal.

“Ease up a bit,” she said.

He nuzzled her neck. “I'm sorry.” He got an idea. He rolled over so she was on top. “Is this better? You are more in control of the pressure.”

She rolled her hips and moaned in response She moved a bit quicker, more desperately and he tried to give her what she wanted. She had her torso flush with his, and her arms wrapped around his shoulders. But her mouth was near his ear, and every whisper, breath and moan turned him on like he had never imagined it could. He held her closer, his fingers digging into her back as they moved together in blissfully languid movement. She let out a muffled moan against his shoulder an arched against him. Her body relaxed and he was lying if he said he wasn't disappointed. Not so much at not going father, but that their moment was so quickly over. He wanted more of that delicious closeness. He supposed there would be time enough for that, assuming she enjoyed herself.

She stayed collapsed against him, and he was still a bit hard, but he was so happy in her arms and with her straddling him and kissing his temple. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest. It was fast and strong, though she was calming down with each passing minute.

Hange dared to look into his eyes and he almost wished she hadn't. Her flushed face, her swollen lips, her sparkling eyes. He gently held her face in his hands before he threaded his fingers through her hair. He'd never understood how people could get emotional over sex, but now he was starting to understand. She slid off of him and he turned over so he could touch her hair and face and kiss her softly.

Eventually, he got up to use the bathroom, but he was almost in a daze. He knew this was huge. She was slowly sharing herself more and more. He was willing to accept anything she was comfortable giving and this...this was more than he could have asked for. Before he went back into the bedroom, he cracked the door to watch Hange. She'd removed her garter belt and underwear, they were on the floor. She put on one of his undershirts and a pair of his sweats. She crawled into bed and waited for him. He reentered the room and climbed in bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. She snuggled against him.

“I'm sorry,” she said.

“Why?” he asked.

“You must think I'm a horrible tease.”

He held her closer. “No. This was nice. I liked it. Did you?”

“Yes. I'm almost there, Levi. Please be patient,” she said.

“You're fine,” he said. She blushed.

“Can we do that again sometime?” she asked.

“I told you, I liked it,” he said.  
“So...right now?”

“Not now, I'm tired now.” Never in his life would he think he'd turn down the opportunity to grind on the woman he loved, but he was honestly spent. She kissed his cheek.

“You look exhausted, get some rest,” she said.

“Good night, Zoë.”

“Good night, Levi.”

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did she even bring up the topic of marriage without actually forcing him to agree to it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did Levi's father buy for him? Levi's favorite brand of black tea. Pixis told him what to buy. Since he anticipated Levi refusing his gift when he found out about what he did to Hange, Levi's father actually spent Thanksgiving with Pixis. Since his wife died, Pixis usually spends Thanksgiving volunteering at a homeless shelter, so Levi's father went along.

Hange stirred the batter for waffles and smiled to herself. Thanksgiving this year was at Rick's place and Levi was excited. Rick and Levi called each other once or twice a week, and texted each other even more. And Armin texted Rick a lot as well. Hange loved her brother, he was so willing to nurture and encourage people, almost everyone he knew became attached to him even people who had a reputation for being tough or cold hearted. Tammeryn had a reputation as a ball busting, champion college basketball player, but he found his way into her heart and it made Hange smile to think about it. She remembered when Rick proposed. It was early morning, by the lake, Tammeryn had just gotten back from her run. Hange was stirring up the fire for breakfast when he marched up to her and just held her for a long time. Hange remembered the way Tammeryn leaned into the hug, resting her forehead on Rick's shoulder. Hange didn't hear the words he said, but she saw the way Tammeryn looked up suddenly, completely shocked and the way she almost cried when he got on one knee. It was funny to think of a six foot tall woman, who could bench more than most men while reciting the succession of the English monarchy accepting a proposal from an equally as tall, willowy English teacher who could probably shoot an apple off the top of your head with a long bow while blind folded. Who was she kidding, they were perfect for each other. And they were never happier.

And she wanted that for her and Levi. In her mind, all of the elements were already there, they just needed to make it official. So, now how did she get him to propose? How did she even bring up the topic of marriage without actually forcing him to agree to it? They causally brought up marriage every now and then, but she wanted an actual discussion. Not talking about a wedding, she could certainly do without that. She wanted to talk about the nuts and bolts, like when they were going to get married? Would he officially adopt Armin? How would they arrange their finances? Did he want her to change her last name? She wanted to know these things.

Hange was so lost in her thoughts she didn't hear Levi enter the room. He kissed her neck and she jumped. He chuckled as he took the bowl from her hands.

“If you're going to make waffles, you're going to have to finish stirring the batter,” he said. She snorted as she got out eggs for Levi's omelet.

“What's got you so distracted this early in the morning?” he asked. She froze and her heart started beating in her ears. She looked over her shoulder at him. It couldn't hurt to start talking now. Before she could open her mouth, the sound of a motorcycle was heard in the distance. They looked to each other and Armin ran inside the house.

“It's your father,” he said. The cats ran inside and Hange held Levi's hand.

“What do you want to do?” she asked. The motorcycle stopped in front of the house and she rubbed his arm. Levi slid his glasses up his nose and squeezed her hand tighter.

“Hange and I will go out to talk to him. Stay in the house Armin. If something goes wrong, leave the house immediately and call the police and call Mike and Nanaba.”

She nodded and the two of them went out to the porch. Hange noticed a few things about Mr. Ackerman. One that his motorcycle was actually clean. Two, was that he was actually clean. Three, that he was remarkably quiet on his approach. He held up his hand both as a wave and a sign of good will. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

“Hey Levi, Dr. Zoë. I realize you might have plans today. I just wanted to give you something,” he said. He held up a bag that was decorated in a leaf print. Levi released Hange's hand and went down the stairs and took it from him  “It's not much, I just got a new job,” he said. Levi looked up at him.

“A job?” Levi said.

“Ah, yeah. I needed a little extra cash. I fix bikes at a shop part time,” he said. “A guy at the AA meetings I go to owns the place.”

“AA meetings?”

“Yeah. I'm trying, kid, I really am. I can't forget the way you looked at the hospital. I can't. It's my fault you were hurt, that your eyes are messed up. I know there's a lot more things I've done but...I can only make small steps. And I'm sorry. I can't erase what I've done but I can try and do better from now on. And I have to apologize to you, Dr. Zoë. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said at the hospital or backed you into a corner and made you talk about your...unmentionables.”

“You what!” Levi said. He turned to Hange. “Why didn't you say anything?”

“I-I just...I was so happy to have you back, I didn't really think to tell you. I've had people do this to me before...”

Levi handed back the gift. “I can't accept this. Not when you hurt Zoë.”

His father nodded. “Fair enough. But I am sorry and I will change.”

He nodded and went back to his bike. Hange held Levi's shoulders until his father rode away. Levi turned and held her face.

“I'm supposed to protect you. I can't protect you if I don't know what threatens you,” he said. Hange held his hands, he was shaking.

“I'm sorry...” she whispered.

“No. No. You don't apologize for this. He's the only one who should apologize,” he said. He kissed her nose, but Hange could feel him shaking. Levi pushed his glasses onto his forehead and put his hand over his eyes. She hugged him. He rubbed the silver chain against his temple and he just wouldn't stop trembling. Armin came out of the house.

“Are you okay, Levi?” he asked. Levi curled closer to Hange. Armin came over and put his arms around both of them.

“I love you guys,” Armin said. Levi couldn't even speak.

“Let's have breakfast, okay?” Hange said softly. Levi nodded against her shoulder. He was too despondent to help cook, Armin stepped in. Levi did something productive through his emotional daze, he put all their bags in the car. When he finally sat down to eat, Hange recognized the stance. He put his arm in front of his plate, his fork was ready to shovel food into his mouth. Hange put her hand on his arm. He looked up at her and let out a shaky sigh. He relaxed only a little bit. He moved his arm, he actually chewed his food. But he was out of it. He sat in the back seat and stared out the window as Armin drove to Rick's house. Hange kept glancing over at him and he twirled the chain on his wrist.

Thankfully by the time they got to the house, he was mostly back to normal. Once they pulled in, Hange's parents were there to greet them, more specifically Armin. Levi brought in their bags and they were shown to their room. Levi put on his apron and was ready to head to the kitchen, when Ariana met them at the bottom of the stairs. In her arms was Leanne. Leanne was much bigger, and she put her head on Ariana's shoulder as Levi came down the stairs.

“She wanted to see you,” Ariana said. Leanne held her mother's neck and started to giggle.

“You remember me?” Levi asked. Leanne nodded, but wouldn't look at him.

“Say, hello,” Ariana said. Leanne mumbled into Ariana's shoulder. “I don't think Levi can hear you.”

Leanne moved so she was sitting up and played with her fingers.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hello, there,” Levi said and rubbed her back. Leane looked up at him and smiled. “Can I get a hug?”

She jumped into his arms. He snuggled her and she giggled.

“Will you sit with her for a little bit? She was really anxious to see you before dinner,” Ariana said.

“Sure,” Levi said.

“And she wanted you to read this book to her.”

Ariana handed him a book and he smiled. “Yes. We'll be over here.”

Hange relaxed seeing him with Leanne. She knew being around her before throwing himself into the craziness that was the kitchen in Thanksgiving was a good buffer. He needed to be alone, in his element where it was nice and quiet so he didn't just lose himself and bury his feelings. Armin had already gone into the kitchen to join the other guys, and Hange stayed with the rest of her family. They were sprawled all over the living room. Hange sat next to Michelle, who kissed her cheek and held her hand.

“We're watching Miyazaki movies this year. Rick and Tammeryn have been showing them to their kids and they love them,” Michelle said.

“I've watched Princess Mononoke a while ago. I really like it,” Hange said.

“We won't be watching that one with the kids I don't think,” Michelle said.

They settled down to watch the first movie. They watched for a little bit, before Michelle leaned over to Hange.

“Today is going to be full of surprises,” Michelle said. “Mom and Dad have a family announcement and so do I.”

“What are you pregnant again?” Hange said. Michelle pursed her lips. Hange gently elbowed her. “Shut up!”

“Well, that's one surprise ruined for you,” Michelle said.

“The only way I could be more surprised is if Levi proposed,” Hange said.

“You don't think he will?”

“I don't know. We kind of talk about it in passing but—”

“Zozo! Don't talk during the movie,” Gavin said. Michelle grabbed her arm and led her upstairs to the room she was staying in. They sat together on the bed and Michelle held her hand and put her arm around her.

“I really want to get married. I think he wants to as well. But I need to know more specific things. I don't know how to talk about it without demanding that he ask me to marry him. That's not what I want.”

“Well, you have to know how to plan your life, right? Marriage will change how you file taxes, maybe your health benefits, and who will take care of Armin in the event of your death. You need to know something about the practicalities of your future together. Ask him about that kind of stuff first.”

Hange rested her head on Michelle's shoulder.

“Thanks,” she said. They returned to the living room and enjoyed the movie with the rest of the family.

* * *

Thanksgiving was amazing. The food was delicious and presented beautifully. Armin sat between Hange's parents and was spoiled rotten. Leanne sat on Levi's lap and ate bite sized pieces of food he gave her. She sat on Hange's lap while he spoon fed her mashed potatoes. And there were two big family announcements made at the end. Michelle was pregnant and Hange's parents were giving her their house.

“We want to buy a smaller house. One that is well maintained and has space for a garden,” her mother said. Hange exchanged glances with Levi. They knew a place, they'd talk to them about it later. The table was cleared, and Hane started playing Clue with some of the kids while the guys cleaned the kitchen. Rick grabbed her halfway through the game.

“Trade places with me. Go to Levi,” he said. She nodded and hurried to the kitchen. Everything seemed okay, it was just Levi and a sink full of pots. Since Levi was washing, she grabbed a towel to start drying as he finished.

“Dinner was excellent,” she said.

“It was Rick's menu and a team effort,” Levi said.

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

He only responded with a distracted smile. She took a deep breath. She had no finesse, she needed to know what to do right now.

“Levi...is marriage in our future?” she asked. He turned to her in surprise.

“Of course. Is something wrong? Are you happy?” he asked.

“Nothing's wrong! I'm very happy. I just...I need to know how to plan my life. Like, how soon would you want to get married? Are we talking five years or—”

He pulled her into a hug so tight she couldn't breathe for a second. He relaxed just a little.

“I don't think I could last that long,” he said. “I have to be honest with you. I'd wait if you needed it, but it would almost kill me.”

“Two years?”

He breathed through his teeth. “If you needed the time.”

She didn't. She pressed her forehead against his. “One year?”

“I'd make it,” he said.

“So within the year is best?” she said softly.

“If it's possible,” he replied. He sounded almost breathless. She held him closer as she felt his breath against her lips. She resisted the urge to kiss him, since she knew he was a bit uncomfortable with affection like that around her family.

“How long would our engagement be?”

“I don't need a big wedding. Six months tops,” he said.

“Should I change my last name or—”

He kissed her softly and quickly. “You don't have to. You're always Hange to me.”

“What about Armin?” she asked. He rubbed his cheek against hers.

“He's our son, I'll just adopt him to make it official finally,” he said. He kissed her cheek several times and her neck just once.

She whimpered a little. “I-I have a lot of questions.”

“Mm...I do too. I think your parents should buy my house,” he said.

“Yeah. They're traveling most of the year, anyway,” she said.

“What do you think about a joint bank account?” he asked in between quick pecks on her bottom lip.

“I don't know how you expect me to answer that when you keep kissing me,” she said. She sneaked in a quick kiss herself. “I kind of like having my own account, but maybe we should have a joint account for paying bills and another one for savings. But let's work out the details when I don't want to suck face with you.”

“Okay,” he said.

“I don't want to make you uncomfortable...but I want to make out with you so bad.”

He cupped her cheek and brushed the hair away from her face.

“You're so beautiful, Zoë,” he said.

“You're not helping.”

“I'm all yours.”

“Seriously?”

He nodded. She didn't know what came over her, but next thing she knew she had Levi pinned against the refrigerator.

“Just a taste,” she whispered. She went for a quick sweep of his mouth, it was hard to be sensual and quick, but she tried to strike the balance. She just needed his lips on hers, since she couldn't savor the taste of his mouth for very long.

“Oh, god. Come on, Zozo! People eat in here!” a voice came from the door way. Levi's face flushed red as he pressed his forehead on her shoulder.

“Shawn!” Hange said. “I just wanted a quick kiss!”

“Is that what it was? I'm pretty sure you'll be telling us you're pregnant next,” Shawn said. Levi groaned.

“Let's just finish cleaning,” Levi said as he wormed his way out of Hange's arms. Shawn laughed and got a soda out of the fridge.

“Keep your hands to yourself, Zozo,” Shawn said. The two of them lingered in silence after he left.

“Maybe we can have a serious marriage conversation another day,” Levi said.

“Yes. Definitely,” she said.

“Let's try not to be one breath away from making out next time.”

“Can it end with making out?” Hange asked.

Levi adjusted his glasses. “I would not be against that.”

Hange's heart was beating from ore than just the thought of kissing Levi again. So “soon” meant they could possibly be engaged in the next few months. It was a big step but she was more than ready for it.

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The house was well on its way to being sold. And so this Christmas would be the last Christmas in Hange's childhood home (while it was owned by her parents of course).

Hange had never seen someone drink tea as rapturously as Oluo did after he showed her parents' Levi's house. She had an idea that he'd always fantasized about being invited over Levi's for tea, and this was as close as he thought he was going to get. He was so beside himself, he knew this was a special privilege. Her mother cuddled with Lysol and Clorox sat like a sphinx on her father's lap. Windex rested her head on Armin's shoulder and seemed to be asleep.

“I love the house. It's so pretty!” her mother said. “Hange always said you had good taste, but I didn't know how good. You even elevated her style I can see.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Hange said.

“I didn't say you had no style, I'm just saying, your boyfriend has more style,” she said.

“More to the point, the size is perfect and I love the backyard. I want to put in an offer,” her father said.

“Don't you want to think about it more?” Hange asked.

“Zoë, if you're worried about us embarrassing you in front of your boyfriend or demanding we have family dinners every day or something, I'm going to tell you to stop. Your mom and I have lives you know,” her father said.

“Fine,” Hange said. With Oluo as the negotiator, they came to a price they all could agree on. The house was well on its way to being sold. And so this Christmas would be the last Christmas in Hange's childhood home (while it was owned by her parents of course). Even though there was still room in the new house for Shawn, he was in the process of moving out, he was wrapping up his grad school thesis and he had a grand idea of spreading his wings. And speaking of having an empty nest, Hange and Armin went over which schools he had already applied for early decision and which ones he'd apply for later. That stabbed at Hange's heart a little, she didn't want to think about him leaving so soon.

After they finished with the paper work, Oluo packed up his briefcase and got ready to go. Hange walked him to his car.

“I can't thank you enough for all your help,” she said.

“Just doing what I can for a friend,” he said.

She hugged him. “You really are one of Levi's best friends. Even if he doesn't say it or show it in ways you can see, he knows it.”

Oluo sniffed and hugged her tighter. “I know. I know, Hange.”

He left and Hange went back to her family. Already they were planning their garden beds for the spring. Windex seemed bored with this and rushed over to Hange. She picked her up and Windex curled in her arms and pawed at her chin. Armin lingered near her parents. Having spent so much time in the company of an elderly man, he readily opened up to her father and by extension her mother. They would have the entire car ride to bond, Hange and Levi were driving back to her parent's house in another car. In another few hours, they were on the road.

In the car, Hange noticed Levi kept bouncing his leg and wiping his palms on his shirt. Hange reached over and held his hand.

“You okay?” she asked.

“I have to call my mom. I called her twice, but I know her. Unless I talk to her, she'll find a way to make my life hell. Can I put her on speaker?” he asked. Hange squeezed his hand.

“Go ahead,” she said.

He held the phone with shaking hands. He placed the phone on his leg and crossed his arms, as the dial tone sounded through the car

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom,” he said.

“Levi! How are you?” she said.

“Fine. Did you get your money?”

“I did! Thank you! You're so generous.”

“I'm sorry I can't invite you over. I'm going away for Christmas.”

“Oh. With your girlfriend's 'Leave it to Beaver” family, huh?”

“Hange's family, yes.”

“With all those college degrees, they still haven't figured out you're trailer trash?”

“They know, Mom.”

“Are you their charity case or something?” she asked. Levi just sighed. “Look don't pout like a bitch. Just remember where you come from.”

“I never forget.”

“Good. I need a little extra cash. It's for...a potluck.”

“How soon do you need it?”

“Well...can you give it to me in the next few days?”

“Today. I'll be passing through town. How much do you need?”

“Oh...about five hundred or so.”

“Right. I'll see you in a bit.”

She hung up. Levi sighed again and took out his checkbook.

“I'm sorry. We have to take this too her.”

He just put an address in the GPS. He was tense the entire ride. They pulled up to an old pool hall and he closed his eyes painfully.

“I'll be back,” he said. Hange shook her head and hugged his arm.

“I'm coming with you,” she said. He didn't stop her and they entered together. The hall was already smokey. His mother spotted him immediately.

“Levi! Good to see you!” she said. She hugged him.

“Good to see you too,” he said. “Here.”

He handed her the check. She kissed his cheek.

“What a good boy! It's your birthday soon, right? You're gonna be what...twenty eight?”

“Thirty five,” he said.

She squinted and drew away. Hange thought she saw the wrinkles on her face get deeper. She took a drag of the cigarette and looked him up and down.

“Well, damn...” she said. She breathed out the smoke through her teeth before she finally noticed Hange. “Oh. Hi, Zoë. You almost look like a lady.”

“Thank you,” Hange said.

“We have to get going,” Levi said. He was cutting the circulation off in Hange's hand.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm winning the game so...thanks, Baby!” his mother said. Levi hugged her one last time before taking Hange's hand and dragging her out of the pool hall. They wordlessly got in the car. She reached over and turned his face toward her. He wasn't crying, but he wouldn't look at her and even though he was holding her hand, he was leaning away from her, creating a distance. She wanted him back. She took off his glasses.

“Levi, I love you,” she said. He hummed a little and she ran her hand down his neck. He closed his eyes and she kissed his eyelids. He buried his hands in her hair. She could feel all the worries he had in every touch. She kissed the corners of his mouth, sucked on his bottom lip, caressed his top lip, gently pressed her lips against his. He wasn't as responsive as he usually was, but he moved his hands from her hair to her neck.

“I'm right here with you,” she whispered against his lips. After that, she gave him some space. Levi was silent for a bit, but he put his glasses back on.

“Thanks,” he said. He squeezed her hand. “I love you, Zoë.”

She smiled as she started the car and headed for her parents' house.

* * *

In Hange's mind it was nearly frightening how Armin effortlessly coordinated all the kids and Shawn into one massive snowball attack on the adults. She was more than a little proud of his gingerbread fort and had every hope of him winning Gingerbread War that year. Armin was still in the process of finding his place in the family, but it seemed as though he was enjoying himself. Levi still seemed a touch despondent since the talk with his mother, but livened up a bit with Rick and her father around. Levi and Hange shared a room with Armin, meaning they shared a bed and Armin slept on an air mattress on the floor. All in all, the first day went off pretty well.

When it came time for the family hike, Leanne walked up to him with all the confidence a shy two year old could muster, grabbed his hand and wordlessly dragged him away from Hange, Kayden and Gavin grabbed Armin, and just when she thought she'd be alone, Shawn grabbed Hange. They linked arms and Shawn rubbed his beard against her cheek. She giggled.

“You're getting old, Shawn,” she said.

“Not as old as your boyfriend,” he said.

“Will you leave him alone? He's convinced you hate him.”

She stared after Levi as he walked ahead of them hand in hand with Leanne. She had on a bright red jacket which was in stark contrast with Levi's black coat and the white, bleak scenery around her. She saw Ariana snapping pictures of them. Hange smiled to herself. She wondered how many Christmases or birthdays Levi spent alone. Did he ever think he was going to be having a Christmas like this?

“I don't hate him. In fact I like him a lot. Not as much as Mike. No, I get along better with Mike,” Shawn said.

“I'm not breaking up Mike and Nanaba just so you can have him as a brother-in-law,” she said.

“No, I'm not saying that. Mike is just the kind of person I would have been friends with on my own. But Levi isn't someone I'd choose right off the bat. But I like the way he treats you. He makes you smile. That's all I ever wanted for you, Zozo.” Shawn put his arm around her and held her close. “I know Michelle and Rick were the ones to get you away from Russ, and Ariana is the one who would sleep in your bed every night, but I saw you crying. You cried so much and I couldn't stand it. Why do you think I took up skateboarding as soon as you came home? Why do you think I made you watch me practice?”

“I don't know? It was...oh my god, it was funny. You just wanted me to laugh.”

“Yeah, because I'm a shit skateboarder. But when you didn't laugh at my jokes I tried different things to make you smile,” he said. She hugged him tightly and he held her. “I don't think I'll have to do that with you and Levi. He's not perfect, but I've never seen you so at ease. Hell, I'll accept that I might catch you two making out if it means he's making you that comfortable.”

Hange wiped her eyes and Shawn kissed her forehead. “Hey, don't go crying now. I'm supposed to be the goofy one and make you laugh.”

She did laugh and held his arm as they tried to catch up with the rest of the family. She didn't need anyone's approval, but she was glad Shawn liked Levi.

* * *

Hange looked forward to Armin's face when he saw the breakfast table on Christmas Eve. It was nerd heaven, that was for sure. He blended in just fine, dressed as a makeshift “A New Hope” Luke Skywalker. He was sandwiched between a few little Jawas at the breakfast table. Hange was about to reach for Levi's arm, but Shawn put his arm around him instead.

“How fitting that Armin's adopted father is Cookie Master Yoda,” he said. Levi smirked and rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, why don't you,” he said. Shawn started laughing and Levi smiled. But even with that some-what good natured exchange, Hange could see the clouds of rivalry. Levi seemed a bit more at ease in the breakfast clamor. But Hange took care to make sure that Levi did not feel anxious about food, putting some of hers on his plate just to make sure he wouldn't keep his arm around his plate. Even Shawn picked up a little bit and kept joking with him. Levi didn't lose his smirk the entire time. Hane was glad for that.

Armin sighed when breakfast was over and they got ready for tournament. Hange put her arm around him.

“What's with the long face?” Levi asked as he sat next to them.

“Everyone over the age of thirteen is in the tournament, except Leslie, Gunter and Michelle of course. I kind of want to join in too, but y'know...can't be a Jedi without a lightsaber.”

“You're right,” Hange said. “That's why we're going to let you open one of your Christmas presents early. We all pitched in for this one.”

Hange's mother came forward and handed him an oblong box, but Armin knew what it was before it was even in his hands.

“Holy crap!” Armin said.

“At least open it before you get all excited,” Levi said. Armin tore open the wrapping paper on his gift and Hange couldn't contain her glee over the way his eyes sparkled. At this point, almost everyone had turned their attention to him but he didn't even notice.

“Well, turn it on,” Rick said. Armin's eyes only seemed to get wider as he saw the blue illuminate the saber.

“It's perfect,” he said softly. He hugged Hange tightly. “Thank you! Thanks everybody!”

Hange clapped her hands as the roster was drawn up. She was interested to see how far Levi would get this year. She knew Shawn was dying for a rematch. Unfortunately, she was Shawn's first opponent and Levi's first match was against Rick. And Shawn and Levi mowed through both of them like grass. Hange felt bad for Armin, his first tournament was basically a grudge match between his uncle and his adoptive father. But when he sat next to her after he lost his match to Shawn, his eyes were bright.

“Do we always have this much fun at the lightsaber tournament?” he said.

She tousled his hair. “Usually more, when Shawn and Levi aren't out for blood,” she said.

Hange predicted that the fight between Levi and Shawn would be explosive, but have no hits. It was all going to boil down to one of them making a stupid mistake. It was just a split second. Shawn didn't recover from one of Levi's blows fast enough and Levi took the opening and got a good hit on Shawn's shoulder. Time ran out. Hange never heard Levi being properly pronounced the winner. She ran over to him and hugged him immediately.

“Gross, I'm all sweaty,” he said. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek quickly. Armin ran over and Levi pulled him into the hug. They went through the awards ceremony, and they all rushed upstairs to wash up change into their ugly sweaters. Hange didn't even bother to ask Levi to try this year. While Armin borrowed the most embarrassing sweater Eren had, Hange dusted an old one off. She changed in the bathroom as quickly as she could, since she wanted Armin and Levi to have some privacy. When she returned, she stopped dead still in the doorway and dropped her things.

“Don't go around dropping stuff,” Levi said. She adjusted her glasses.

“A-am I seeing things?” she said as she knelt down to pick up her soap and towel.

“It's just a stupid sweater,” Levi said. It was a stupid sweater. It was hideously bright green with a giant triforce pattern on the front. Armin could barely suppress his laughter.

“I almost died when I saw him put it on,” Armin said.

“It's wonderful!” Hange said.

Armin laughed and went on ahead of them. Hange laced her fingers with Levi's and squeezed a little.

“What made you wear an ugly sweater this year?” she asked. He leaned over and kissed her temple.

“I don't know. I liked playing Legend of Zelda with you and I wanted to wear a sweater. It just made sense,” he said. “Now come on, let's go watch the Gingerbread War.”

She pushed him against the wall and held his face. He bit his lip and looked up at her. She ran thumb along his cheek and leaned in, gently touching her lips to his.

“One more,” she whispered and stole another. She hummed and pressed her forehead against his. “I want another one...”

“If you keep going, we're going to get caught,” he said. She giggled and kissed him one last time before they descended the stairs together.

* * *

They went to bed later than planned. Hange had not expected Armin to be so good at Gingerbread War, nor had she expected him to accept the offer to sleep downstairs near the fire place to wait for Santa with the other children. But he did, and that left Hange and Levi alone in their room. She woke up first and nuzzled her face into Levi's neck. She wanted his warmth, to feel his hands on her. She put her hands on his back and rubbed circles under his shoulder blades. He whined a little and pulled her closer. He kissed her shoulder. She leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“Lay on your stomach,” she whispered. He licked his lips and nodded and did as told. She sat on his butt and pressed her thumbs firmly against his back. He groaned a little and she laughed.

“Take off your shirt,” she said. “It'll be easier.”

He was much too eager and removed his shirt quickly. She giggled and kissed the back of his neck.

“You're being very obedient,” she said.

“I like when you rub my back,” he said. She rubbed her nose against his hair.

“I know,” she said. She sat back on his ass and started to rub his muscles. He closed his eyes and sighed. She searched for tight areas. He was usually tight in his shoulders and lower back. She liked when Levi was happy. He seemed to be in such languid contentment. She loved seeing him surrender to her, and she was starting to imagine the different ways he'd be subject to her touch. At some point she had to acknowledge that massaging Levi's back was a full time job and she couldn't get all of his tight spots taken care of. She stopped when she was tired and rubbed lotion on his back. He glanced back at her and she could see the trace of a smile. She wormed her way under his arm so she could be close to him. He pressed his forehead against hers.

“You're too good to me,” he said. She hugged him and gently kissed his lips. He chuckled and pulled her closer.

“I love you” he said softly.

“I love you too,” she said. He moved the hair from her face so he could look into her eyes. For the first time in a while, she blushed and pressed her lips together. His stare was intense, more so than usual and she felt her face flush and she licked her lips. 

“I don't understand you sometimes,” he said.

“What?” she said.

“Why you chose me,” he said.

“It's obvious isn't it?” she said.

He stroked her face. “Not to me. I don't see it. You're too...good to want me.”

She furrowed her brow. “What do you mean? Now I'm the one who's confused.”

“I don' t think...why do you even love me?”

She sat up and he rolled over on his back. “How dare you even ask that!”

“What do you mean? I'm just curio—”

She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear whatever stupid thing he was going to say. She pressed her mouth against his slipping her tongue into his mouth and roughly kissing him. She wasn't usually this aggressive, but she wasn't giving him the opportunity to be stupid. She kissed him thoroughly, caressing his lips, sucking on his tongue and licking the roof of his mouth. He relaxed a little bit and put her his hands on her hips.

She pulled away and stared into his eyes. She brushed the hair way from his forehead and ran a hand down his neck. His lips were a bit swollen from the kissing and the nipping, but she would do it all again, but if he'd only stop whatever toxic thought he had. He seemed to know to keep silent. He didn't take his eyes off hers.

“Tell me,” he whispered.

She swallowed and closed her eyes. She didn't even know where to start. She ran her fingers gently through his hair.

“I love you for so many reasons. You are special. From the first time we met, you've been trying to make me feel comfortable. I'm not used to people caring. And we would have just been friends. But I can I don't really know when I stopped just admiring you. I don't know when I fell in love. But it wasn't hard. Because you earned my trust. You're Levi Fucking Ackerman. You're handsome as hell, funny as fuck and disciplined. You're strong in so many ways and I wish I could be like you. I wish I could have your strength and still have your compassion for people. It doesn't come out in ways most people understand, but I do. I love you. I love you for letting me be safe and letting me be happy. I-I don't want to think about you not being beside me. I get so scared that I might lose you sometimes. If something happened, if you died and I couldn't see you again, it'd hurt like hell. But...you've given me such strength, I'd be all right. I'd live on and keep our family together. I'd try to be happy with what time we've shared until we'd meet again. “

“You don't believe in the after life do you?”

“I don't know. But I'm so happy and grateful that we're together. I'm so privileged to know you.”

He said nothing but looked away as he started to blink faster and faster. He pressed his lips together and held her closer so she wouldn't see his tears. He pressed her whole body against his and as his body shook with sobs.

“That's enough,” he said. “I can't take this much.”

“I haven't even begun to tell you how much I love you. I don't think I can fully explain it,” she said.

“Stop. Stop it. I can't handle any more. I'm never asking you this question again.”

“Don't question how I feel again,” she said.

He ran his fingers through her hair.

“I never will. I don't think I have to,” he said.

She held him and kissed his neck over and over again before gently raking her teeth against his skin. He ran his hands up and down her back and she snuggled against him.

“We should go get our Christmas presents,”she whispered.

“I have mine right now,” he said.

She squeezed him. “That's so lame, Levi.”

“I know. But I'm happy right now.”

She smiled. Things couldn't get any better.

* * *

Out of sheer sentimentality, the entire family decided to stay until New Year's Day. It was their last Christmas in their parent's house until it became Michelle's. Hange's parents would be moving next door around the beginning of March (and then right after they were headed on a cruise). It wouldn't be a huge change in their lives. But the stay offered Armin the chance to get to know his new family better.

There were no official family traditions for New Year's Eve, and quite frankly, Hange had other plans. Levi was in the kitchen making lunch and she tried to sneak up behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek.

“I'm so scared,” he said in a monotone. Well, more monotone than usual. Hange giggled and pressed her cheek against his.

“I won't beat around the bush. I'm asking you out on a date tonight,” she said.

“You want to leave your family on New Year's?” he said.

“They won't care.”

He was quiet for a little while. “Where do you want to go?”

“Pixis's library,” she said.

“That's an hour away.”

“I know. But I called him and asked. He said that it was okay. We're going to watch the stars in that big room with all the windows—”

“The children's section.”

“Yeah! And then there will be fireworks nearby. What do you say? Will you go with me?”

He shrugged but leaned against her. “I guess we can go.”

She squeezed him. “I have a picnic all ready for us! You won't be sorry!”

“I know I won't,” he said.

“Great! We leave at eight!” she declared.

She was secretly looking forward to this date all week and she was glad Levi agreed to go. It felt like forever until it was time to go. She got her jacket and hoped he didn't notice the way her hands were shaking. He offered to drive and she was glad, she wasn't sure if she could drive safely. It was just a normal date, she didn't know why she was so nervous. She decided to try and clam down as best she could to no avail. She kept fidgeting, rubbing her hands on her pants, running through her hair, and holding his hand or touching him. He gave her curious glances on the way there, but didn't say much. She grabbed her picnic basket form the car. He headed up the stairs and she grabbed his arm.

"No, no. It's tradition, we have to use the back door," she said. He smirked and followed her.

"You and Pixis need to stop hanging out," he said. She giggled.

"I'll do whatever I want. Right now, I'm hanging out with you."

They entered the building and Hange took out a flashlight. Levi guided the way to the children's section. It was perfect, the light from the moon and stars spilled in. She spread the blanket in the story time section and started to set out plates for snacks and took out the wine and wine glasses. Levi sat on the blanket and poured two glasses of wine. They sat together, watching the stars. She went through as many of the constellations that she remembered off hand. Levi stopped after one glass of wine, but Hange had another before they lay back on the blanket. She rested her head on his chest. She wanted to stay like this forever. But they idly talked for a while. She looked at her watch. They had a few minutes until midnight.

Levi had his hand at the small of her back. The clouds moved over the dark blue sky and she put her hugged his waist.

“This was good idea, Shitty Glasses," he said. “This place brings back memories."

"What kind of memories?" she asked.

"He shrugged. Some good. Some bad. Some in between. But I feel like I had control here. I found my first true love before you."

"You said you didn't even remember your high school girlfriend's name."

"Not talking about her. I meant reading."

She laughed and looked at her watch again. Five more minutes to midnight.

"Levi, do you like living with me?" she asked.

"What kind of question is that?" he asked.

"I mean, are you _really_ happy living with me?" she said.

"Of course I'm happy living with you. I don't think I've been happier in a long time. I'll be honest, I can't think of anything that could make me happier, really."

He rubbed her back and she grinned.

"You mean that?" she asked.

"Of course I fucking do," he said.

She sat up a little and propped herself up on her elbows. He smirked and ran his fingers through her hair.

"What's with you?" he asked.

She shrugged. “Nothing really. Just...well do you like our family? With Armin and all?"

"Of course I do. I'm only upset I can't adopt him right now."

“So...If you had the opportunity, you'd adopt him?”

"We've talked about this. You know I would."

She bit her lip and looked him in the eyes.

"Zoë, what's going on?" he asked as he narrowed his eyes.

She took a deep breath. She stood up and helded him to his feet. He wasn't smiling and she wasn't sure how to read his expression. It wasn't quite a scowl but it wasn't a smile. She was a bit nervous now. She swallowed.

"I'm giving you the opportunity right now," she said. She took a deep breath and got on one knee. She took out the small box and held it up to him.

"Will you marry me, Levi Ackerman?" she asked. His eyes got wide. She swallowed and her heart started racing, he wasn't saying anything. She was honestly so in love, she didn't know what else to do but wait for him to do something, anything. He pressed a hand against his forehead and started to shake.

"Damn it, Zoë," he said. She was afraid to speak. He pressed his hand over his eyes. "Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

She was staring to lose her nerve, she lowered her arms. Maybe this was the wrong time. Maybe it just wasn't right for them to be together like this. She started to pocked the ring, but Levi got on his knees and hugged her tightly. He held her face and kissed her repeatedly on her lips. She lost her balance and fell backwards.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asked.

“I-I'm fine,” she said. He kissed her again, deep and searching, their lips separated with a soft pop. He held her close and rubbed his nose against her neck.

"I don't know what to say. I can't be happier. I think my heart is breaking. I don't know what to do. Help..." he said.

"Did I do something wrong?” she asked. He squeezed her so tightly she couldn't breathe.

"No, you fucking moron! You fucking beautiful moron! You did something so fucking right I don't know how to react. I don't know what to do,” he said.

“So...does that mean you'll marry me?” she asked.

“Hell fucking yes!" he shouted. He pressed his mouth violently against hers and ran his hands up and down her sides. She pulled him down against her. He collapsed against her chest and nuzzled there as he started to laugh. She felt his tears soak through her shirt.

“You're mine. I'm yours. It's a promise,” he said softly.

"Are you going to wear the ring or not?" she asked.

"Give it to me now," he said. She handed it to him. He took in it out of the box and slid it on to his finger. He rolled off of her and onto his back. He held it up to the ceiling and admired it.

“It's perfect," he said. He leaned over and kissed her nose. "You need a ring now too," he said.

She looked over at him and smiled.

“I don't care,” she said.

"I sure as hell do. I don't want anyone else thinking I don't care about you."

She hugged him.

“You know, I have more n surprises.”

"Holy fuck, did you and Moblit discover how to genetically engineer a baby?"

She laughed. She laughed good and hard.

"No, we have company. They're waiting for us outside."

"We what?"

He held her hand as they went out toward the front of the library. Hange very rarely saw Levi on the verge of tears in front of other people, but she could see him struggling when he saw everyone waiting on the steps. Armin was at the head of the group and he was the first to come over hug them both.

"So did you say yes?” Armin asked Levi.

“Of course I did,” Levi said.

“I'm so happy for you guys," he said.

"You should be happy for all of us. We're going to be an official family now," Levi said.

Armin laughed. "I know. I think I lucked out and got the coolest parents."

Armin hugged Hange's free arm and kissed her cheek. “You deserve this, Zoë,” he whispered. Hange sniffled and rested her head on his shoulder.

Everyone had come out, Hange's entire family, Mike and Nanaba, Erwin and Marie, Petra and Oluo. All with well wishes and hugs. Pixis came over last of all and he was the only person outside of the family Levi did not hesitate to hug.

"Thanks, Old Man," he said.

"Don't think me. You're the one who invited this person into your life. It's you who's going to keep her there. Do your best to keep her happy and she'll stick with you."

“I'll keep you happy too,” Hange said and held Levi's hand. Levi nodded.

“Don't you two worry about your thins inside. I'll retrieve them for you. There is someone at the edge of the parking lot who'd like a word with you. It's up to you if you'd like to speak with him,” Pixis said. Hange and Levi both looked in the direction he was pointing. Levi's father sitting on his motorcycle. Hange looked to Levi.

"Are you going to be okay with this?" she asked. He nodded and she kissed his cheek.

“We'll go together,” he said.

“Absolutely.”

They walked over hand in hand. Hange could feel Levi's grip tighten and his hands were getting a little sweaty.

"Hey, Dad,” Levi said.

“Hey, Kid,” he replied.

“I'm engaged to Zoë. We're getting married.”

His father nodded.

"I'm proud of you son. She's a good person and good for you. You couldn't have chosen better," he said. He held out his hand. Levi took his hand and shook it.

“You too, Dr. Zoë. Welcome to the family,” he said. He shook Hange's hand. “I'm going to go before I overstay my welcome.”

Levi put his hand on his father's arm.

“Can the three of us have lunch sometime? Maybe at the diner near the university? I want to know how you've been doing,” Levi said.

“Sure thing, Kid. My treat,” he said.

He drove of into the night and Levi stared at after him.

"I didn't even ask you if you were okay with having lunch with us,” he said.

“I'm fine with it. If things go bad we can just leave,” she said. He hugged Hange tightly.

"I don't know what to do. This is the happiest I've ever been. I'm not going to wake up and find out this all was a dream, am I?” he asked.

He was shaking she held him close.

"Whatever comes, we'll face it together,” she said.

He rested his head on her shoulder. He looked up into her eyes and she felt her heart flutter as he held her cheek.

"Happy New Year, Shitty Glasses," he said.

“Happy New Year, Short Ass,” she said.

They shared a lingering kiss before going back to the car and heading home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there really any way to top that? We have a Levihan wedding on the way!


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she was alone in her room, she felt the pang of his absence keenly. All she wanted was to hear his voice. She missed him in her bed even more. She missed him, his body, his everything.

Hange was asked last minute to fill in for a colleague at an academic conference. Levi was more than happy to let her go, it was good for her career and he wanted her to dazzle everyone with how smart she was. But he wanted a few answers before she went off for a week. He wanted to discuss their wedding plans, but she was remarkably hard to corner, it was almost as though she were afraid to talk about the wedding. Finally, he got her to sit down to talk after dinner the night before she left. Windex climbed onto her lap while Clorox and Lysol curled at her feet. He couldn't help but wonder if the cats sensed that she needed moral support. If that were so, why did she need moral support to talk to him?

“I want to at least decide on a date before you went to your conference,” Levi said. He pulled out his calendar. “So I was thinking in April, more toward the end. The flowers will be closer to full bloom and—”

“I'll be honest, I don't really want a wedding,” she said.

Levi lowered his shoulders in disappointment. “Oh. I see...”

“Please don't be upset.”

“I'm just...I'm a little sad, that's all,” he said.

“Levi...”

“Why don't you want a wedding? We have the money, I can pay for it all if that's what you're worried about,” he said.

“It's just too much fuss for one day,” she said. “I don't want everyone looking at me, I don't want to wear a white dress, I don't want a couple's dance...I just want you and Armin. That's it.”

A smile slowly spread across his face and he leaned his head on his hand. Hange managed a half smile and cuddled Windex.

“You know I love you and Armin. But that other stuff? It doesn't matter,” he said. She kissed Windex to try and hide her own smile.

“I uh...well, that's what everyone else wants at their wedding,” she said.

“Since when do we do what everyone else does?”

Hange laughed and he took her hand.

“My life has been mostly shit. You and Armin are the only good things that have ever happened to me,” he said. Windex yowled and turned to him. “Okay, okay. I love you too, Windex. But I just wanted to celebrate the two people I care about most in the world.”

Hange sighed. “Okay. End of April is fine.”

His smile grew. “I promise it will not be a fussy wedding. Because you know I hate attention, I hate dancing and I want you to be comfortable in whatever you decide to wear.”

She leaned over and kissed him. “All right. I can agree to having a wedding as defined by us. I'm guessing you have a plan?”

“I do. But it's not official yet,” he said.

“Here's what I'll agree to: this week while I'm gone, you write what you want and what you don't want. I'll write what I want and what I don't want. We'll compare our lists and compromise.”

“Sounds fair,” he said.

She pressed her forehead against his. “I'm going to go a whole week without seeing you.”

“Don't remind me,” he said.

“I'm going to call every day.”

“Be sure to tell me how you're blinding them with science.”

She rubbed her nose against his. “Mm...yes, I will.”

She kissed him again, soft and slow at first. But next thing he knew, she was straddling him and kissing and biting his neck and shoulders.

“I'm gonna miss you,” she whispered against his skin.

“It's just...” he bit his lip and groaned as she licked his collar bone. “Just a few days...”

She hummed as she ran her lips up his neck and kissed just below his ear. She pressed her body against his and hugged his shoulders while he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“You're right,” she said.

When she was like this, when she whispered breathlessly in his ear, when she kissed him like she needed his lips to survive, when she arched against him, he knew what she wanted.

“I want to go to our room,” he whispered.

“Then let's go,” she said.

“Hold on tight,” he said. She giggled as he put his hands on her ass and squeezed as he carried her upstairs, her legs around his waist. They flopped onto their bed as she continued to laugh and he removed her shirt. He unhooked her bra and tossed it aside and lovingly cupped her breast while he kissed her neck.

“How far are we going tonight?” he asked.

“Can we stick to grinding? It feels nice,” she said.

“I want you to feel nice,” he said as he rocked his hips against her. She closed her legs tighter around him. He moved one hand to entwine with one of hers and the other rested on her hip and he squeezed gently. He loved this closeness with her, that she was trusting him with so much of herself. He knew getting this far was difficult for her. He could certainly keep her (and himself) satisfied. It didn't matter what they did as long as she was happy and comfortable. It was hard to pin down any one thing that turned him on. Certainly her body and how it felt against his went without saying, her moans made his eyes roll back in his head, but her breathless words of love pushed him over the edge every time.

Tonight, after they were breathing hard and staring into each other's eyes in the wake of their satisfaction, when she had her head on his chest and their legs tangled together, he came to the realization that this was going to be the longest seven days of his life.

* * *

Hange had only been gone two days. She called Armin three times and called Levi five. She was busy, so the calls weren't long, but Levi was grateful. He needed to hear her voice, since he didn't have her lips to kiss or her boobs to cuddle. It had been a long time since Levi wanted _anyone_ this badly. Even being someone's exclusive booty call hadn't inspired much desire. Most of the time he was being summoned for sex, very rarely was it the other way around. But here he was taking cold showers morning and night just thinking about grinding on Hange again, just thinking about her lips swollen from kissing would turn him on.

And it had only been two days.

This was bad. This was very bad. He hadn't had this much undirected sexual energy since he was a teenager. He could manage. This would certainly happen again at some point and if he couldn't last a week without her, he had no self control.

By day four they both seemed to calm down. Hange only called once a day, his showers were normal temperature. Until he noticed something. He organized his underwear drawer by color and type, just like he did all his clothing drawers, it helped him keep track of how often he wore his clothes. So he noticed after a few days that seven pairs of his underwear were missing, and he had an idea of who the thief was. He waited until nightfall, when she was done with her lecturing before he decided to send a few warning texts.

“Zoë, I know you've taken them,” he said.

“Taken what?” she replied after a few minutes.

“You know.”

“What? Oh you mean these?”

She sent a picture of herself in nothing but a pair of his boxers. This was too cruel. He moaned and and bit his knuckles.

“Not fair,” he said.

“I've worn a pair every day since I left,” she said.

“NOT. HELPING,” he said. Well two could play this game. He opened her drawer and rummaged through until he found three pairs of her underwear that he liked the best. Never in his life had he thought he'd be sending sexy selfies in panties, but he couldn't be the only one sexually frustrated tonight.

“Ensure the safe return of all my underwear or I'm holding these three hostage,” he said.

It was a while before she responded.

“One: Those look AMAZING on you,” she said. “Two: You're going to stretch them out! Take them off!”

“Call me and we'll negotiate,” he said.

She called immediately.

“Which pair are you wearing now?” she asked.

“The Ninja Turtle ones,” he said.

“Those are my favorite!”

“Mine too.”

“Take them off!”

“You're really eager for me to be naked,” he said.

There was a pause.

“You're right. I am,” she said.

Levi was very glad she could not see how red his face got, or that he really  _needed_ to remove her panties because he certainly was stretching them.

“Levi...” her voice had lowered into a husky whisper. “I have a question for you.”

Weak. He was utterly weak. All the strength he had was drained from his body and he was totally surrendered to her. He would be hard pressed to deny her anything when she was going to ask like that.

"Go ahead,” he said.

"If I were to give you permission to do whatever you wanted with my body...what would you do to me?"

Levi bit his knuckles so hard he might have drawn blood. He swallowed and licked his lips.

"Levi?" she said. “Maybe this wasn't a good time to ask...”

“I don't know. I'm not that creative,” he said. That was a lie. He tried not to fantasize about her, since he didn't want to dwell on something that might not happen, but he did. A lot.

"We're just talking. Tell me what you'd want to do. It gives me time to think about it."

He did his best to calm down, part of doing so meant at least putting on a pair of _his_ underwear and his robe. This was his Zoë after all, she deserved better than to have him breathing in her ear like a horny creeper. He ran his fingers through his hair so it'd be slicked back away from his face. Yes, she couldn't see it, but it was all in the mindset. His hair like that turned her on, and it gave him the focus to continue.

"I'm not a big fan of rushing, not with you. It would be our first time, we should take it slow,” he said.

“I can agree to that,” she said.

“You do know what my most favorite thing to do is, right?”

“Gardening?” Hange said.

“That's...well, that's one of my favorite things. But Zoë, I'm trying to seduce you right now.”

“Oh...um...then...I don't know...I'm sorry I'm not good at this.”

Levi laughed. “I'll be honest, I'm not either. We're both kind of awkward I guess. I like kissing you. I like kissing you more than anything else we do. So I'd kiss you first. Nice and slow, because I like the way your lips and mouth feel."

"That sounds nice."

"Just nice? I'm going to have to do better than that. I can spend all night just making out with you honestly.”

“Don't cop out, Levi.”

He sighed. He wanted to tell her what he'd do, but he was so much more comfortable just doing it.

“Okay, let me ask. How far are we going tonight?” he asked.

She didn't answer right away. She let out a long breath and shifted a bit.

“I said I gave you permission to do whatever you want.”

He closed his eyes and bit his lip. That didn't make this any easier. He wanted to be with her so bad. Even if he could just touch her while he talked, he felt he could get his point across so much better.

“I'll kiss up and down your neck. Maybe nip you a little so I'll leave marks.”

“Leaving hickeys, that's always sexy.”

“Then, I don't know. I think I'll just rest my head on your breasts for a little while. I like hearing your heart, it's relaxing. While I'm resting, I hope you don't mind if I squeeze them a bit.”

"I would really like it. Sorry there's not much for you to work with..."

"Shut up. I like your boobs. They fit in my hands just right, I don't need any more. Once I'm done playing with them, I have to kiss them. Will you let me bite them a little?”

“Levi!”

“All right, so maybe I'll just—”

“J-just...be gentle...” she said.

“I like your boobs, I don't want to leave bite marks on them.”

“So far you've done stuff like that to me already.”

"I thought the whole point of phone sex is to get you all worked up. Besides, we're talking about our first time, I kind of want it to be a decent experience for you. But I assume you want more?” he said.

“I want you to say you'll spread my legs and pound me into the mattress,” she said.

Levi curled up and groaned. “Well, damn.”

“I'm sorry. I've been thinking about you all day. I'm already worked up.”

He needed her with him right now.

“I miss you,” she whispered. She moaned and whimpered a little. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” he said as he gripped the sheets. He needed her so bad it hurt. “It's not enough to talk to you over the phone. I'm sorry, I'm just not good at stuff like this. It's too much talking. I promise to make it up to you when you get back, okay?”

She whined a little. “All right. You promise?”

“Yes. Absolutely,” he said. "Good night, Zoë. Call me tomorrow."

"I will. Night,” she said.

And that was all for the night. It left him somewhat unsatisfied. He was happy to talk to her, but what they talked about only highlighted that she wasn't near him and that drove him almost crazy. He couldn't explain exactly what he missed. True, if they had no other options, he'd find a way to be fine with just talking to her. But he missed her in his arms, the casual touches, her smile, running his had down her side to squeeze her hip, resting his head on her lap. All those things, however simple made him feel cared for, made him feel loved and desired. And he was going to do what it took to make her feel the same way.

* * *

Torture. The next few days without Levi were torture. As long as Hange was lecturing and sharing her ideas, she was fine. But after dinner, when she was alone in her room, she felt the pang of his absence keenly. All she wanted was to hear his voice. She missed him in her bed even more. Perhaps it was pathetic, but she felt a bit cold without him.

She felt something else, something that was sort of like a hunger. It wasn't quite a need, but she kept thinking about the way he felt between her legs and his moans in her ear. She missed his hands on her breasts, he she missed the way he'd grab and pinch her thighs, she missed the morning grinding. She missed him, his body, his everything.

She was coming home around noon on Saturday. Armin was going on a day trip and wouldn't be home until very late. That left her and Levi alone most of the day. And that was just what she wanted: to have Levi all to herself. She wanted to focus on him. When she got home, Levi was out. She put away her things and showered, so she'd smell fresh and feel relaxed. She slathered on her favorite lotion and put on her favorite pair of panties and one of Levi's undershirts. She crawled under her covers and texted him to let him know she was home. She waited to hear his footsteps on the stairs. She tried not to think about what might happen when he got back. She couldn't over think this.

"Zoë? I'm home," Levi called up the stairs.

"I'm in our room!" she said. She went to the bedroom door and rubbed her hands. She hastily removed her hair from its elastic and tousled it a bit. She took a deep breath and opened the door and leaned on the door jamb. Levi was at the top of the stairs and he locked eyes with her. He looked her up and down and dropped his bag. She giggled, walked over and kissed him.

“I missed you,” she said softly. She sucked on his bottom lip and bit him gently before pulling away. Hange chuckled and headed back to the room, Levi right behind her. He closed the door behind them and hugged her from behind.

“Welcome home,” he said. He kissed her shoulder and she rubbed her ass against him. He held her closer and kissed up her neck to her jaw. He reached under the undershirt and stroked along her stomach, his thumbs grazing the underside of her breasts. She giggled and broke his embrace only so she could turn and face him. She cupped his cheek and studied his expression. His smile was faint and he was staring at her lips. She removed his glasses and kissed the space between his eyes. His hands traveled from her shoulder blades to the small of her back.

Hange smirked and pushed him against the door. She once thought that maybe once she got used to kissing him, she wouldn't want to do it as often. Quite the opposite happened for her. She missed the familiarity of his lips and the taste of his mouth.

She unbuttoned his shirt and casually tossed it over her shoulder.

“Don't just throw my clothes on the floor,” he said.

“I'll do what I want. You'll just have to punish me later,” she said. He smirked and took off the undershirt he was wearing and tossed it aside. He grabbed her ass and pulled her against him.

“I'll think of ways to punish you,” he said. She couldn't resist a mischievous giggle. He started to smile as well, and stroked her face and hair. There was a moment, when they just looked into each other's eyes. She didn't know what she was seeing, but it made her body feel very warm. Levi touched his lips softly against hers before he pressed more firmly. He was indeed kissing her nice and slow just like he promised he would. Hange pressed herself against him briefly before she ran her hands down his stomach and unbuckled his belt. He breathed in sharply, but he helped her remove his pants. She pushed him over to their bed, and once he was comfortably against the pillows she crawled toward him, making sure he had a gracious view of her breasts. However small they were, they made him happy. He bit his lip.

"You're so amazing," he said.

“Don't start singing my praises yet,” she said. She sat in his lap so their torsos were flush and rocked against him. He pushed back and put his hands on her hips. She pressed her lips against his and both moaned against the other's mouth. It only encouraged her to roll her hips a little more firmly. She felt him growing against her, she knew she was doing something right.

"I love you so much," she mumbled against his lips. He responded by pressing hard against her. She laughed and leaned away from him so she could see his face. His eyes were a little glassy with desire and she hoped she mirrored it. But Levi would only go as far as she let him go. No matter how much he wanted her or how badly he wanted to do certain things to her, he wouldn't if she said no. She was safe. She took another deep breath.

"Levi, I..." She stared to take off the undershirt she was wearing. She hoped it would be one fluid motion but her arms got stuck somehow. He helped her out of it and they both laughed.

“So much for being sexy and sultry,” she said.

"You are," he replied.

She gently rested her hands on his chest. He kept his hands on her hips and looked up at her with so much love it almost made her heart explode. She had to say it.

"I want you," she said. He stared at her, his eyes wide. "Levi, I want you so bad."

His body responded before he could. She squeaked and pressed her face against his shoulder to stifle her laughter. She kissed him again and ran her hand down his stomach.

"You're a bit excited," she said. She snapped the elastic band of his boxers for good measure.

“Fuck,” he said and bucked under her. She stared to stroke him and he threw his head back. "I love you so fucking much. Y-you're doing fine but...” He grabbed her wrist. "No. Not yet. I want you to come first."

He rolled over and she moved with him. He kissed her softly as his hand slid down to her abdomen. He stopped.

"Zoë, I've said it so many times, but I want you to really listen. I don't care how deep I am inside of you, if you want to stop, you say so. If you are hurting, let me know. If you don't like something let me know. I need to know that you're safe, happy and enjoying yourself. Sex should be something we both like. Okay?" She nodded. “Am I okay right now?”

“Yes,” she said.

He hooked a finger into the waistband of her panties.

“Can I take these off?” he asked.

“Please,” she said. He removed her panties and began fondling the inside of her thighs gently. She whimpered. She already wanted him, she didn't need much more teasing. Hange was very aware of his eyes on her face as he inched closer to her center.

“Can I—”

“Don't make me wait anymore!” she begged. He chuckled and kissed her jaw and he started to stroke her. She hadn't been touched by someone else in a while, the sensation was exhilarating. She tried to look away and hide her face, but he turned her head so she'd have to face him. She wasn't used to being the only one in pleasure.

“What about you?” she said. He stroked inside her and she let out a yelp.

"I'm not doing a good enough job if you're still thinking about me. Don't worry. I want to see you, I want to hear you. Nothing will get me harder than hearing you scream my name,” he said.

“Levi...” she moaned.

"Yes. Like that. But louder," he said. “I don't want you to be able to talk in the morning.”

She whined and rocked her hips as he continued to touch her sensitive folds. She tried to keep her gaze locked with his, but she kept closing her eyes just to savor the way he was making her feel.

"Levi!"

“Yes, say my name,” he said. He ran his free hand down her face, through her hair, and finally, entwined his fingers with hers. She couldn't remember the last time someone held her hand during sex. Her eyes were brimming with tears. She thought it was weird to cry during sex, but he was so attentive, she had no doubts about how he felt. He kissed a tear that slid down her cheek.

“I want you just like this,” he whispered. She squeezed his hand tighter. She could trust him and she was ready.

* * *

Levi wanted so badly to stay up and talk with her. He wanted so badly to hop into the shower and press kisses on her neck and back. But he tried so hard to make sure she was satisfied that he couldn't move from sheer exhaustion and bliss. It was Hange who did most of the clean up. She picked up and threw out the used condoms, she mopped up the sticky spots on the sheets, she even toweled him off, and kissed him all over. She curled her naked body around him and kissed his neck. He moaned and and pressed against her.

He wanted to say things like, “I love you,” but he was tired and he just found her hand and squeezed.

The next morning he desperately wanted to talk to her. He wanted to know if she liked it, if she was comfortable, if she wanted to be with him again. He couldn't explain it, the sex honestly didn't feel terribly different but it was different. It was a touch awkward, it wasn't exactly gentle, but it certainly wasn't rough either. He just wanted her to enjoy herself so much. So yes, he liked that she was noisy, when her fingers dug into his back, he lost himself feeling how warm, soft and wet she was. When he finally woke up, Hange was turned away from him. He made his way over to her and smelled her hair, something small and relatively noninvasive. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her against him. She sighed.

“Morning,” she mumbled. He kissed all along her neck and rested his hand against her stomach. She guided his hand to her breast. He smiled against her shoulder and kneaded a little. She moaned low in her throat and rubbed her ass against him. He hummed and kissed behind her ear.

“You'd best not do that unless you want round two to be morning sex,” he said. She wiggled her hips a bit.

“Maybe I do,” she said.

“I take it you liked last night then?” he said.

“I loved it.”

He was ready to go again and he wanted her so bad. He didn't want to pressure her but she made herself clear. She kept pressing her ass against him in slow circles. He bit his lip and started to grind against her. They rocked back and forth for a few minutes before she stopped and turned to face him. She kissed him and hooked her leg around his waist. She sucked on his lips as she rubbed against him.

“I want you inside me,” she whispered.

“Oh, god,” he said and pulled her closer and rolled over so he was on top of her. “I wanted to _talk_ to you this morning.”

“Talk later, fuck me now,” she whispered.

He didn't expect her expressing her desire so frankly would turn him on so much. How was it he was so invested in a morning quickie? How was it, he was actually enjoying the brief afterglow, carrying her to the shower, and kissing her as the water ran down their bodies? They didn't have any plans to go anywhere, maybe just watch Star Trek with Armin and cuddle with the cats, so they got dressed in sweats. He held her hand all the way down the stairs and through breakfast. Armin told them animatedly about his trip and Levi stroked Hange's hand with his thumb as he listened attentively. They cleaned the kitchen and Armin decided on a whim that he wanted to make chocolate chip cookies, but they needed chocolate chips. Hange gave him the keys to the car and as soon as Armin drove off, she grabbed Levi and pushed him against a wall and kissed him deeply. He tangled his fingers in her ponytail and felt an ache when she pulled away.

“I feel so safe with you,” she said softly as she pressed her forehead against his.

“Really?” he said and put his arms around her waist. She nodded.

“I love you,” she said.

He groaned and hugged her tightly. He couldn't resist another slow, lingering kiss and rested his hands on her ass and squeezed. She pressed against him and he held her tighter.

“We should finish cleaning,” she said. He stole a quick kiss before they returned to the kitchen. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Sex had never been all that important to him, but he loved how absolutely close he felt to her the night before. He wanted intimacy in any form, and he was glad that Hange was willing to share herself like this. He knew there would be other times, and he'd get to help her clean up, cuddle and talk to her afterward. This was the first time he was excited for what happened after sex. And it dawned on him that perhaps, this was his first experience with loving sex, being personally invested in her well being, wanting her to be safe, happy and loved, just the way he felt. He'd make up for falling asleep the first time. As long as they both were willing, he was going to take care of her.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He held her hands. “I can do a lot of things but this...I need my Number One at my side.”

Deep down, Levi wanted to believe his father had changed. But years of abuse were not quickly erased by a few months of improvements. From what Pixis said, and from what Levi could see he was making good progress. But Levi just couldn’t bring himself to invite his father over his house for Valentine’s Day. Hange’s parents were coming, but his parents were out of the question. He just imagined every worst case scenario. Maybe everything would be fine. Maybe everything would be destroyed. The anxiety over this made him physically ill and he could barely focus at work.

He got a phone call about a week or so before Valentine’s Day. It was his father. Levi’s hand was shaking as he answered.

“Hey, Dad,” Levi said. He hoped all his worry didn’t come through on the phone.

“Hey, Kid,” he said. “Listen, I want you, Dr. Zoë, your kid, and Zoë’s parents to come over my house for Valentine’s dinner,” he said. Levi didn’t know how to respond.

“I...I’m not...” he began. What did he even say to that?

“Don’t answer right away. Check with Zoë, and if you can come let me know. Pixis will be there if that helps at all,” his father said. It honestly did.

“I’ll ask everyone. But I’d like to come,” Levi said.

“I still live in a trailer park. It’s all I can—”

“Dad. It’s okay. Hange’s parents roughed it for most of their lives and Armin and Zoë don’t care.”

“All right, Kid. Just let me know soon.”

“Bye, Dad.”

“See ya, Kid.”

This was an interesting turn of events. It left him feeling all sorts of conflicted. On the one hand, this was a lot less intrusive. His space and his home were safe. On the other hand, this was akin to going into enemy territory. But this was not a battle. They were going to eat and an ally was there in case things got bad. Levi knew he could count on Pixis to help protect his family if the need arose.

He’d ask Hange what she thought about going to his father’s.

* * *

Hange traced invisible patterns on his chest as rubbed her shoulder.

“Are you really comfortable with this?” she asked. “I don’t want you to do this out of misguided loyalty.”

“I don’t know. I think I just want to see if things are different. He’s never offered anything like this before. But I’m more worried about you. I don’t want to put you in the same room as a man who asked you all sorts of violating questions and misgendered you.”

She sat up and narrowed her eyes.

“I really appreciate your concern for me, but your father being rude to me can’t really compare to the years of abuse and neglect you suffered,” she said.

“This isn’t a competition over who got hurt more. Just because I can face him doesn’t mean you can,” he said.

She put her hands on either side of his face. “I know. But I can handle this. We can go if you want to.”

He managed half a smile and nuzzled her nose.

“I can face him if you’re there,” he said.

“You can do anything.”

He held her hands. “I can do a lot of things but this...I need my Number One at my side.”

She hugged him. “I’ll call my parents and let them know about our change of plans.”

It was official. He was going to his father’s house for dinner.

* * *

Levi made a cake. He poured his heart into it, since it was the only thing he was asked to bring. The icing couldn’t be perfect enough, he was anxious over how it tasted. When he literally couldn’t’ tweak it anymore, he sat at the table and glared at it.

Armin came home from school laden with gifts as was to be expected. He dropped all his bas and sat with Levi.

“It looks good. It probably tastes good too,” Armin said. Levi grunted. Armin stared at the cake before he put his hand on Levi's shoulder.

“I hope you never feel this nervous about seeing me,” Levi said. “I don't wish this on anyone.”

“I know I won't,” Armin said. “I know it's only been a year, but you've been a good father to me. Any other siblings I have are going to be very lucky.” Levi took his eyes off the cake to look at Armin. Armin's smile only grew. “I think you'd protect us from all the bad things you went through growing up.” He got up from the table, but Levi continued to stare at him, utterly dumbfounded.

“I'm going to get ready to go,” Armin said. Levi nodded. Odd, Armin had more confidence in his parenting than he did. He hoped he made the right choice today. Hange arrived from the lab and they started to the house. As they started driving, almost on cue, Pixis called.

“Hello?” Levi said.

“Ah, good. I was worried you were driving,” Pixis said.

“No, Hange's got it,” Levi said.

“I just wanted you to know that I'm already at your father's place. It's very clean and your father is a very good cook. Evertyhing I've tasted is delightful,” he said.

“Thank god.”

“There's no alcohol in sight either.”

Levi let out a long sigh. “Good. We'll be there soon.”

He hung up and put his hands over his face.

“I take it that was Pixis,” Hange said.

“Yeah,” Levi replied.

“And he had a good report.”

“Yes. I'm a little less nervous.”

Armin put his hand on Levi’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry. We’ll stick by you no matter what,” he said.

“If my dad acts out in front of your parents...” Levi said.

“I told them a little background. Trust me, they are more than understanding,” Hange said. Even though they did much to alleviate Levi’s fear, it did not go away.

The moment of truth was when they pulled up to the trailer. It was surprisingly neat and well kept. His father’s motorcycle was outside and covered. Everything was just so, despite the seemingly meager surroundings. Pixis’s car was outside. Hange got a text as they parked.

“Mom and Dad are ten minutes away,” she said.

Levi nodded and took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

Before they even made it to the door, his father was running out to meet them. He took the cake from Levi’s arms.

“Good to see ya, Kid,” he said.

“Yeah…” was all Levi could say.

“Well, come in! I’m almost done,” he said.

Hange held Levi’s arm as they entered. Pixis was in the tiny kitchen. The smell from the pot was heavenly and Levi felt a pang of nostalgia. He knew this smell from somewhere.

“Everything but the spaghetti is homemade, right down the hand whipped garlic and chive butter,” Pixis said. “Did you know your father was such an excellent chef?”

Levi shook his head.

“He probably doesn’t remember,” his father said. Levi squinted. Something about the smells was familiar but he couldn’t put his finger on it. “When you were small, I was training to be an Italian chef.”

Levi furrowed his brow. “You’re right. I don’t remember that.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t. You were only two or three when I when I stopped,” his father said. “Your cake looks good.”

“Yeah...” Levi said.

Hange’s parents arrived, and they provided a much needed distraction, since he could not for the life of him sort through the hazy memories that surfaced. He was able to make it to dinner without much of an episode. Pixis stationed himself between Levi and his father, Hange was right beside Levi. He knew he would be safe. And he would have been fine, but when his father proudly served him a feeling of déjà vu hit him so hard he could barely say thank you.

“Eat up, Kid,” his father said.

Levi nodded and stared at his food for a while. He got up suddenly and excused himself. Hange was with him as they went outside. She held his arm.

“Are you okay? Do you need to leave?” she asked. He shook his head.

“I can remember a little bit,” he said. She waited for him to regain his composure and held his hand. “I remember Dad used to make me spaghetti and let me eat it with my fingers. He used to smile at me and everything. We were almost normal once...”

Hange hugged him. “Are you going to be all right?”

He nodded. “I can go back now. The memory was just too much at the moment.”

She held both his hands and squeezed before they went back to the dinner table. Thing continued as though he’d never left. The food was delicious. His father was talking about how he started building customized choppers and showed Hange’s father what he’d worked on. Armin seemed at ease, Hange relaxed as Levi began to relax. It seemed that the night was a success. Then a pair of headlights shown through the window. Pixis and his father exchanged glances.

“I didn’t invite anyone else,” Pixis said.

“Neither did I,” his father said. Levi realized with some horror who it could be. Without a word he left the trailer.

“Lock the door,” he said. Hange hurried after him, but he held up his hand. “Stay inside, Zoë. It’s me she wants.”

“How do you know?” she asked. Levi sighed.

“She always makes me choose between my father and her. She’s pissed because it looks like I’ve finally chosen Dad.”

She moved to go with him, but Pixis grabbed her arm firmly.

“Go ahead, I’m ready to call the police at any minute,” he said. Levi sighed and nodded and Hange looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“You know he can’t hold me forever,” she said.

“I know. If you can give me just a minute before you come charging out, I’ll appreciate it,” he said.

“No guarantees,” she said.

He snorted and smirked and went outside to his mother. She blew out a puff of smoke. He could tell she was drunk, she could barely stand, her lipstick was smeared.

“So, you can’t even call your mother on Valentine’s Day, but you can live it up with your punk ass father, huh?” she said.

“Go home, Mother,” Levi said.

“Don’t you ‘mother’ me!”

Levi stood in front of the door. He actually had a good evening. He wasn’t going to let her mess this up for him.

“He ruined _everything_ for us! You know that! We could have had a good life and he threw it away!”

“You didn’t make things any better!” Levi shouted. He regretted the words as soon as he said them. His mother stared at him with wide eyes. “Mom...I’m sorry.”

She dropped her cigarette and marched over to him. He closed his eyes as she gave him a good hard slap. Levi didn’t recoil and she slapped him again.

“Say that one more time, you bastard! Tell me that again, you miserable mother fucker!” she cried. “You have no idea! No idea!”

The blows didn’t hurt, not as much as the intent behind them. He had gone a bit too far with his words, he deserved it. A pair of hands drew him back and a large shadow blocked her from hitting him again. Hange had her arms around him and it was Armin’s hands on his shoulders. Hange’s parents flanked them on either side and Pixis guarded the door. But his father was in front of all of them, his arms stretched out wide to stop her from coming closer.

“So everything’s better now, huh? You cook him one meal and all those years, all those beatings are forgiven? That easy,” his mother said.

“No, Hil. I’m not forgiven. I’m a shitty father. You may have been the only one there when he was born, but I was the only one there when he almost died. I have nightmares about it still. I couldn’t be responsible for another death, not for someone I should have been protecting all these years. Levi’s a better person than we raised him to be. He’s giving me a chance even though I don’t deserve it. All I’m hoping is to be a less shitty dad and that he never ends up in the same place because of me again. I think we’ve both done enough to almost kill him.”

She was silent. The lights from the police car sounded down the road and they pulled up.

“We got a call for disorderly conduct?” one of the offers said as they got out of the car.

“Yeah, yeah. We calmed her down, situation’s under control. Sorry ‘bout that,” his father said. “But the lady’s a bit drunk and needs a ride home. We’re just calling her a cab.”

“We’ll take her back. Tell us the address.”

“That’s real nice of you, officer.”

But Levi’s mother continued to stand there in utter silence. Pixis handed her a Tupperware of food and the police escorted her home. As soon as she was gone, all attention was on Levi.

“I’m fine. Nothing was broken. I don’t have any bruises,” he said quickly. Hange kissed his temple and Armin hugged his shoulders. Hange’s mother took one of his hands in both of hers.

“That’s not why we’re worried about you,” she said.

Levi closed his eyes. “Let’s just have dessert. I worked really hard on that cake.”

Things were not as light as they were before, but they were pleasant. That humble dinner in his father’s trailer was actually pretty good, more than Levi could ask for. As everyone prepared to leave, his father took him aside. He reeked of cinnamon chewing gum, he was smacking it loudly as though his life depended on it.

“Sorry for the loud chewing, Kid. I’m trying to give up smoking and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want one right now,” he said. “Just being honest, is all.”

Levi nodded. “This was nice, Dad.”

“Eh, Pixis helped me buy some of the nicer ingredients. I’m making some money, but not a lot.”

“So...you were training to be a chef?”

“Yeah. When you were born, I tried to go straight for a spell. Left the gang, cleaned up a bit, worked in a restaurant. I wasn’t half bad.”

“I don’t remember much, but I remember the spaghetti. I put my hands right in the bowl.”

“And you made a mess. Your mom was so pissed, but it was worth it because you laughed the whole time.”

They were silent.

“I’m a crappy dad,” he said.

“Yeah. But you weren’t so bad tonight,” Levi said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Not bad.”

And silence gripped them again.

“I know this doesn’t change anything. You’re being more than generous in coming today,” his father said.

“Yeah, well...” Levi didn’t know what to say. He patted his father on the shoulder. “Thanks, Dad. I’m heading home.”

“Okay. Good night, Levi,” he said.

Levi started to walk away, but looked over his shoulder. He nodded and that was it. He wasn’t ready for a hug, he wasn’t ready to let his father back into his house, but this was a start.

He was more than relieved to return to Hange and Armin and when they were home, he all but collapsed into her arms. It was the most emotionally exhausting Valentine’s Day he’d ever experienced. But he ended it in Hange’s arms, so in his mind it ended on a high note.

 


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious dinner at Mike and Nanaba's.

Hange cradled Levi’s head against her chest as she stared at the ceiling. He squeezed her waist and nuzzled against her breasts as she laced her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe we should find a third party to be with us when we talk wedding plans,” she said. “It can’t always end in making out.”

“Yes it can as long as we get stuff done,” he said.

She grinned. “Fair enough.”

“So it’s settled. We’ll go to the courthouse a day or two before the party. We’ll keep it pretty small, it’s just brunch with friends and family.”

“I like that.”

“So we’ll need to find a venue, caterer, decorations, favors, we need to know if we need to find linens and flatware. I don’t know what I’m going to wear,” Levi said.

“Neither do I,” Hange said.

They both sighed.

“Well, I don’t know what venue I want yet, but I’ll show you what I’d like,” he said. Hange released him and rolled on her side as he pulled out a folder. He pulled out a slightly faded article. He handed it to her and she raised her eyebrows.

“Wasn’t he that guy...oh man, what was that movie...” she said.

“Yeah, it’s him,” Levi said.

Hange turned the pages over. “Wow. I didn’t know he lived so close. His house and garden are nice. Like if you were born in the same decade as this guy, I think you guys would have the same style.”

“No, he’s a bit more fresh and English countryside than I am. But for a wedding, I think something like this is perfect.”

“It would be. I’ll keep my eyes peeled and ask around,” she said.

“I will too.”

She kissed his cheek. “I really want you to be happy.”

He turned so he could catch her lips. The gentleness in the way he kissed her said it all. She kept her forehead against his and reached for his hand. No, they didn’t make out again, though she wanted to. They just settled into a comfortable embrace.

“We’re already married,” she whispered.

“I know,” he said. “We’ll just sign the paper so the government knows.”

“Did you remember to call Armin’s social worker?”

“Yeah. As soon as we have proof of our marriage, she’ll give us the paper work.”

She ran her hand down his face. Her little family was coming together smoothly.

* * *

If there was anything causing Hange great anxiety, it was what she was going to wear to the wedding. She honestly had no idea, but she had to have one soon. She broke down and grabbed Nanaba for a trip to a wedding dress boutique. She cringed upon entering. Everything was so blindingly white, she didn’t know where to even begin. Thankfully a salesperson came up to them.

“Hello, ladies. How can I help you?” he asked. Hange was about to turn away, but Nanaba grabbed her arm.

“My friend here is getting married and she’s very anxious about finding a dress for her wedding,” Nanaba said.

“Oh, very nice. And when is your wedding?”

“End of April,” Hange said. His eyes widened in fear.

“We need to find a dress for you ASAP,” he said.

Hange cringed but followed him around the store.

“What were you thinking for your dress?” he asked.

“Not poofy,” she said.

“All right, we have—“

“No lace. No sparkles. No satin. No bows. Nothing that requires a veil, and not blindingly white.”

“So...some sort of a cream color is okay?” he said.

“Sure.”

Nanaba shot her a glare, and Hange shrugged. She wasn’t having any of those things, she wasn’t going to pretend she was going to love everything. He asked her size and rushed off. He returned with three dresses and gave them to her.

“Let’s start here. One has lace, but please try it and tell me what you think. If you hate that one, no more lace.”

She grimaced and glanced over at Nanaba.

“Just try them,” Nanaba said. Hange sighed and entered the dressing room. She put the first dress on. It was a cream lace dress that came to her knees with a brown sash. Hange frowned at herself. It wasn’t terrible. It was actually sort of cute. But it wasn’t very her. But Nanaba was waiting so she had to come out of the dressing room.

“You look so nice!” Nanaba said. Hange managed a half smile.

“You like it?” Hange said.

“I love it!” Nanaba said.

Hange sighed and looked over her shoulder at her reflection.

“You don’t like it,” the salesperson said. Hange shook her head.

“So, you aren’t going to wear it?” Nanaba asked.

“Nope,” Hange said. “I’m going to try on another one.”

“Then...can I wear this instead?”

Hange grinned. “Sure!”

Nanaba went over to the sales person. “Does it come in white?”

“Is your friend going to be okay with you wearing white on her wedding day?”

“Nanaba can do whatever she wants,” Hange said.

“It does.”

“And the sash comes in what colors?”

“I’ll show you our swatches. What size are you?”

Hange went back to her dressing room to try on another dress. This one was a creamy, mermaid style dress. It had corseting in the back and a sweet heart neckline. It wasn’t too shiny, but it definitely made her feel more like some movie starlet than herself. Still, she wanted Nanaba’s opinion. When she came from the dressing room, Nanaba wasn’t there.

“Your friend is just trying on her dress, she’ll be back in a minute,” the sales person said. Hange nodded and waited. When Nanaba came back, Hange couldn’t help but grin ear to ear, probably more than she would have if she found a dress for herself.

“You look so precious!” Hange said. Nanaba’s cheeks turned a little pink.

“You think so?” she said.

“Yeah!”

“I don’t know. Maybe my shoulders are too broad...”

“No! You look super cute! And you worked hard on your arms and shoulders, do not be ashamed of them! And Mike’s shoulders are way broader so if you stand next to him no one will notice!”

Nanaba smiled and they both turned to the mirror.

“I really love it,” she whispered.

“I’m glad one of us likes their dress. This is nice, but not me,” Hange said.

“I agree. Maybe try on the next one? I’m going to buy this dress, maybe with a blue sash.”

Hange hugged her. “You’re going to look so pretty!”

Hange went off to try on the next dress. It was cream, Grecian style, probably the closest of the three to what she’d actually consider buying, but she wasn’t crazy about it. When she returned, Nanaba was grinning from ear to ear.

“You look great!” she said.

“Eh, it’s all right. What about _your_ dress?” Hange asked.

“Oh, they just wanted to tailor it a bit, but they had a blue sash. I’ll pick it up in a few days.”

“Good.”

The sales person sighed and came up to Hange. “So, not this one either I take it?”

“No. Can you try fitting me for a tuxedo instead?”

He raised his eyebrows. “We can give it a try.”

* * *

In the end, Hange didn’t like anything. She wasn’t exactly feeling a tuxedo or suit either. She was at a total loss. Her distress over what to wear to her wedding (which was fast approaching) was causing her all sorts of anxiety. But Nanaba and Mike invited them over for dinner at the house Mike’s parent’s owned up in the mountains. Levi was asked to bake a cake and he happily obliged. The house wasn’t too far from where Rick liked to camp, so they had to stay overnight.

Armin was working on a school project and was actually glad for the house to be quiet and all but pushed them out of the door when it was time for them to go. Hange wore one of Levi’s blazers to the dinner party. She always made it a point to wear something of his whenever she knew they’d be going out, it made her feel better. The drive to the house was uneventful, save Hange singing along to songs on her playlist.

When they finally arrived, Hange was suspicious almost immediately. Mike’s parents and sisters being at the house was to be expected, but not Nanaba’s parents and her sister. Erwin and Marie and Oluo and Petra being there was also out of place. Without saying so much as hello, Hange went straight to Nanaba and took her aside.

“What’s going on?” she asked. Nanaba smiled faintly and her cheeks turned red.

“I’m getting married,” she said.

“Now?”

“In a few minutes. We were just waiting for you and Levi to get here with the cake,” she said. “Erwin’s officiating. I’m going to go get changed, go talk to Mike.”

Hange made a beeline for him and gave him a hug.

“Nanaba told me!” she said. All Mike could do was grin and laugh. She'd never seen him look so excited. “I’m so excited!”

“We kind of decided on a whim to do this. We’ve been together for ages, so I guess I can’t hurt much,” he said. “I didn’t really plan on this, but will you be my best...person?”

“Yes! Of course!”

“Erwin’s going to call everyone to order when it’s time. We’re going to meet in the living room,” he said.

“I’ll be ready. Let me just tell Levi,” she said.

She was practically buzzing with excitement. Levi was in the kitchen with Erwin (like he was at every party) and she hugged him tightly.

“I take it you heard?” Levi said.

“I’m Mike's best person!”

“Figures. Now I’m glad I worked so hard on that cake. I’m helping to set up the dinner table, go try to calm down or something.”

“I can’t calm down!”

Levi smirked, shook his head and went off to work his magic, leaving Erwin alone with Hange.

“Levi’s been very mysterious about your wedding,” Erwin said.

Hange laughed. “It’s because neither of us know what to do exactly. We have more of a plan now.”

“You should ask Oluo and Petra for help,” Erwin said.

“I’m not surprised you suggested them.”

“You name it, they know a guy. Oluo especially. The entire city council owe him favors to varying degrees.”

“I wonder...” Hange said. She took out her phone and flipped to the pictures she’d taken of notes from Levi’s planning folder. The picture of the faded article struck a chord.

“I’ll be back,” she said. Without explaining anything, she grabbed Oluo from whatever conversation he was in and dragged him aside.

“Levi needs your help,” she said, holding both his shoulders. Oluo looked terrified, and Hange knew her intense expression wasn’t helping.

“A-anything! What does he need?” Oluo said. Hange held up the picture on her phone.

“This guy, do you know him?”

Oluo squinted. “Oh, yeah. He comes by the pub about once a week. Nice old guy.”

“Levi wants to have our party in a venue that looks just like this,” Hange said.

Oluo squinted and frowned. “I’ll raise you one better. I think I can convince him to let you have it there. If I know Levi, it’s a small wedding right?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll let you know in a day or two if it’s possible.”

Hange grinned. “It would make him so happy! We’ll owe you a serious favor.”

“Nope. I know I’m known to call in favors from a lot of people, but I don’t do that with friends, and especially not Levi. He’s the best guy I know and he deserves this.”

“Thank you so much.”

“For you two, anything!”

Hange was about to say something more, but Erwin called everyone to the living room and it was time for her to take her place.

* * *

Hange wasn’t usually the first to wake up. But Levi worked so hard the night before, it only made sense that he needed to rest more than she did. The house was quiet and Hange stumbled downstairs to rummage through the kitchen and heat up some water for Levi’s tea. She didn’t expect to see Nanaba sitting at the kitchen counter. She looked up and grinned.

“Good morning, Mrs. Zacharius,” Hange said. Nanaba chuckled as she traced the lip of her coffee cup.

“Morning, Zoë,” she said. Hange sat next to her and put her arm around Nanaba’s shoulders.

“I’m so happy,” Nanaba said. “We’ve been seriously trying to have kids for a while now and nothing’s working...”

Nanaba sniffed and Hange held her close. She’d been aware that they were trying for children, but she didn’t know how dedicated they were. Nanaba cried for a bit and Hange hated that she couldn’t do anything to help her. Bu she calmed down after a while. Hange handed her a paper towel so she could dab her eyes.

“So...just a week or two ago, we were watching T.V. and there was a spontaneous wedding and Mike said we should do the same thing. Just get married. And I...even though we don't have children, he won’t leave me. That’s...that’s too much to ask...” Nanaba said.

“That’s the way Mike is, you know that. He loves you more than any child he hasn’t met,” Hange said. She hugged Nanaba again. “You have your whole life ahead of you.”

Hange poured herself a cup of coffee and set the kettle on to boil, as they began to talk about their plans for the future. Hange remembered the days when she and Nanaba would take breaks in the stock room of the convenience store where they worked during high school. They would sit on the floor watch the twelve inch television and put it on mute and make silly voices while they gorged on snacks. She never expected to one day have conversations about marriage and children with her someday. She was glad for what the friendship had evolved into. She put her hand over Nanaba’s as they talked and she squeezed back.

* * *

It was an agonizing day until she got the call from Oluo. It was a green light. Because their guest list was so small, and they weren’t dancing or anything else, they were given permission to use the house and garden for their party. The owner was going to be away that weekend, so he just asked that they left it as they found it. Oluo made an appointment so they could see the house on Friday afternoon.

Hange couldn’t wait to tell Levi. She was going to wait until they got home from, but she caved and called for a lunch date. She couldn’t keep secrets very well. Levi was inspecting across town and she drove to meet him. She couldn't contain herself when she saw him. He wasn’t expecting the crushing hug, but he held her tightly.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked.

“We have a venue, if you approve of it,” she said. He raised his eyebrows.

“Really?”

“It’s exactly what you want, I promise,” she said.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, because I booked the exact house in your article.”

Levi was speechless. “You’re kidding.”

“No. See Oluo knows a guy—”

“No more. That’s all I need to hear. That amazing bastard,” Levi said.

“Call him and tell him that, he’ll love it.”

He picked her up and spun her around. Hange laughed harder, as that was hardly something she ever pictured Levi doing.

“You’re really happy,” she said.

“Of course I am. I don’t usually get what I want. I’m just waiting for something to go wrong,” he said.

She kissed his cheek. “I think we’ll be okay.”

“I had an idea for you too,” he said.

“Oh, really?”

“Well, I know you’re having a hard time choosing what you should wear to the wedding. But I think the answer was pretty obvious.”

He showed her a picture saved on his phone. She squinted and then laughed.

“But this is...would I really be allowed to wear this?”

“If you like it, I don’t see why not,” Levi said. “Lots of people wear them, I don’t see why you can’t.”

She hugged him. “Then let’s get one right away.”

“I can’t wait to see you in it.”

They went off to lunch hand in hand. There was still a lot of work to do, and not a lot of time to finish. But they both had what they already wanted. Everything else was just extra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be real, talking about wedding planning is stressful for me because it is not fun. NOT. FUN. Well, I've always been a bride's maid, it's never fun. Lots of screaming and eye rolling and being stuck with a dress you'll never wear again.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day they'd both been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reference a poem in this chapter. "The Vows" by Michael Symmons Roberts. It's not necessary to read it in order to enjoy the chapter, but it's very sweet.
> 
> You can read and/or listen to it here: http://www.forwardartsfoundation.org/poetry/the-vows/

Levi didn’t sleep much the night before. If possible, he slept even more wildly then he ever had. But no matter what weird position he found himself in, he had the privilege of feeling Hange close by. His alarm sounded, and Hange reached over him and turned it off. He opened one eye, all he could make out was the blurry outline of her left arm and the glint of gold on her ring finger. She curled around him, her arm draping over his waist. The feel of her skin against his, the way she nuzzled against his neck and played with his hair made him feel dizzy. He was certainly glad he was in bed, he’d be a clumsy mess if he were standing.

Her laugh was sultry as her lips brushed his ear.

“Good morning, Mr. Hange,” she cooed. He felt chills just hearing her voice. They agreed not to change names or anything, but just hearing her say that name made his heart race a bit. He rolled over and rested his hand on her hip before he kissed her.

“Morning, Dr. Ackerman,” he said. She laughed again and he loved to hear it. It seemed to come from deep in her chest, right from her heart. He pulled her closer and she rubbed her nose against his cheek. Their breath mingled, their fingers intertwined, their legs were tangled, there was nothing about their body language that said they wanted to be apart at that moment.

“I just want to stay here and make out with you all day,” he said.

“Oh? You spent so much time planning this party, I think we should go,” she said.

He huffed and kissed her again. “We’re already married. And this time it’s official. Witnesses, a judge, paperwork and everything.”

“How about this: today we go to the party. Tomorrow we make out all day,” she said.

“You realize that I’m serious. I really mean all day. We only take breaks for food,” he said.

“Sounds fun.”

But neither of them made a move to get up. But they had to get going and Levi knew just the thing.

“Hange, I know I said no vows...” he said. She raised her eyebrows.

“You did not write me vows,” she said.

“I did not,” he said. “But you never have any trouble telling me how you feel about me, I just thought maybe you should know how I feel. So I can’t really...I’m shit with words. But I stayed at Pixis’s library the whole day just to find the right thing for you.”

He rolled over, leaving her warmth and opened his side drawer to pull out an envelope. She sat up and turned it over in her hands. He sat behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pressed his forehead between her shoulder blades. She opened it.

“Hm, what do we have here? ‘The Vows,’ by Michael Symmons Roberts,” she said. She cleared her throat. “’We pledge to wake each morning face to face,’” she read.

Levi groaned. “Don’t read it out loud. It’s embarrassing enough that I gave it to you.”

She giggled, “Levi, we live together and have seen so many sides of each other, how much more embarrassing can we be?” He groaned. “Okay, fine. I’ll read it to myself.”

He squeezed her waist and nuzzled against her back. Levi was nervous, she was very still, hardly breathing. She drew a ragged breath. She’d already gotten to the end.

“’We’re naked until we wear each other’s scent,’” she read.

“Stop...” he said.

“’And recognize it quicker than our own,’” she continued. He pressed his cheek against her back and held her closer. She sniffled. “’You start and finish me…’”

She stopped completely and buried her face in her hands as her body shook with sobs. Levi kissed her neck.

“‘You’re my extent,’” he whispered against the shell of her ear. “I just wanted you to know.”

She doubled over with sobs and he kissed along her shoulder blades. He really wished she didn’t have such a strong reaction. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew she wasn’t sad or in pain so he just had to let her ride it out. He didn’t expect for her to sit up suddenly and pin him to the mattress. He didn’t expect his lips to be forcibly claimed in the name of Zoë Hange. He didn’t expect to be turned on by this at all. He did not expect her to take advantage of this for their mutual benefit. Her hands gripped the headboard, his hands found her hips and all he felt was her. He savored her every movement, her every moan and gasp.

They were out of breath, panting by the end of it. She collapsed against his chest and he held her there.

“We’re all gross,” she mumbled.

“We should take a shower,” he said.

“Hm...Petra and Nanaba will be here soon. We'd better hurry,” she said. Hange rolled off of him and he got out of the bed. He scooped her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Levi couldn’t resist kissing her cheek.

“I love you sticky and naked, I love you clean and made up. I love you all the ways,” he said. She buried her face in his neck.

“I can’t keep crying all day,” she said.

“As long as you’re happy, that’s fine with me,” he said.

He put her down so he could turn on the water for a shower. They brushed their teeth while they waited for it to get hot and got in together. Somehow they managed to stay on task and get clean, Levi even helped wash her hair. They finished just in time for Nanaba to arrive. Petra would be by a bit later for makeup. Levi reluctantly let her leave his side and got ready on his own. He had a carefully laundered and painstakingly tailored navy blue suit. Crisp white shirt, a white rose on his lapel, silver Star Trek insignia cufflinks, coupled with a Star Trek tie pin, and a navy blue and purple tartan tie and pocket square. He put on his glasses and brushed his shoulder for good measure. He supposed he was ready to wait for her. He sat in the living room on pins and needles. As if on cue, Windex showed up.

She didn’t approach him, but stood some distance away, curling her tail in judgment.

“What do you think? Will Hange want to race to the courthouse and marry me again?” he asked her. Windex stalked over and sat on his lap. He scratched behind her ears and she purred. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

His phone buzzed and he scowled as he saw the caller. He took a deep breath. No matter what happened, what she said, he already had what he wanted. He answered it.

“Hello, Mom,” he said.

She sounded like she was crying. “Levi! Honey! How are you?”

“Fine. Are you all right?” he asked. He was a bit worried. His mother had called him in all sorts of states, fake tears and sobs were her favorite, but this was so guttural and sloppy sounding he knew she wasn't acting.

“I-I’m fine...just...look I screwed up. I really, really fucked up bad,” she said. His hands balled into fists.

“What happened?”

“I’m at a casino, y’know, the one I really like? I was invited into the back to play poker and I lost. I lost really fucking bad and...I don’t have the money...I can’t pay up and I’m in so much shit right now...”

Levi’s heart sank. He didn’t know what to do. He might have enough money, but why today of all days would she do this? He wouldn’t abandon Hange for someone who didn’t give two shits about him.

“Do you even know what day it is?” Levi asked.

“Your...birthday?” she said.

“No, Hange and I got married. We’re having a party to celebrate.”

“Oh good, her family’s loaded. I just need ten thousand dollars—”

“You will not ask them for money. Don’t call me again.”

He hung up. Maybe it was callous, but he was so done. He just wanted to be with Hange and his new family and never think about her again. Armin emerged from the basement dressed in a slate grey suit with Eren and Mikasa in tow. Levi managed a half smile, but Armin was not fooled. Levi was a little alarmed that Hange was not the only one who could detect when something was wrong. Armin sat next to him, his brow furrowed in concern.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Levi said. Armin narrowed his eyes. “It’s nothing. You’re all right, Hange’s all right. It’s nothing.”

Armin frowned but nodded. “Okay. I trust you.”

Windex usually would have hopped into Armin’s lap, but she stayed with Levi and started purring. Armin looked from her and back to Levi.

“She doesn’t allow you to keep secrets, does she,” Armin said. Levi snorted.

“She’s too thoughtful,” he said. Levi wanted to change the subject. “Looking good, Eren.”

Eren grinned. “Thanks, Levi! It was really cool of you to give me this tie.”

“Well, I only gave a few of those out, I thought you should have one,” Levi said.

“The tartan is to show who would have been in the wedding party if they had one. Y’know you’re in league with the Ackerman/Hange/Arlert clan,” Armin said. Levi gave Armin a side eyed glance and Armin smirked in response. Windex wasn’t the only one who didn’t allow secrets. Eren froze.

“What?” he said. Mikasa started giggling. Eren’s eyes only got wider. “What?”

“So only Oluo, Erwin, and you got ties from me,” Levi said.

“Really?” Eren said.

“And only Mike and Armin got them from Hange and Nanaba got a tartan scarf,” Levi said.

“Me? Why me?” Eren said.

“Because he likes you,” Mikasa said.

Eren turned to him. “I’m honored. I’m so honored, I didn’t even realize this had such significance...”

“Don’t say things like that...I just...” Levi was at a loss for words.

“You’re both stuttering weirdoes. You’re meant to be friends,” MIkasa said as she sat down next to Armin.

“Your grandfather is coming, right? He's not backing out because of Dad or anything?” Levi asked her.

“Yeah. He said he wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said. “Do you know what happened between him and your father?”

Levi sighed and shook his head. “I just know that your grandfather really didn’t approve of Dad’s lifestyle. Which was entirely understandable given he’d taken up with a gang. The details are a bit vague. I know Mom was involved somehow.”

Mentioning his mother made him frown deeply. The door bell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Mikasa said. Eren reached to pet Windex and she swatted his hand.

“Lysol and Clorox are so nice...” Eren said.

“Windex is very particular. She may warm up eventually,” Armin said.

“Levi’s been saying that since he first moved here,” Eren said.

“She’s gotten better. At least she stopped hissing whenever you come around,” Levi said.

Mikasa returned with Petra. Levi stood up to give her a hug. Petra might not have been as observant as Armin or Hange about his moods, but she was the last person he wanted to give the opportunity to read him. She held him a little too tightly and for a little too long.

“I don’t get many Levi hugs, I want to enjoy them when they come,” Petra said.

“Shut up. You’re starting to sound like your husband,” he said.

“Is Hange ready for make up?” she asked.

“I don’t know, but she’ll be glad to see you either way,” Levi said.

“If only you could see Oluo. He’s up at the venue making sure everything is exactly the way you want it,” she said.

“I trust him,” Levi said.

“You know it makes him melt and swoon when you say that, right?”

“I don’t see why.”

Petra huffed. “You’re impossible. I’m going to see Hange.”

She left and Windex followed her.

“See, she likes Petra!” Eren said.

“No, she going to see Hange,” Armin said.

Eren huffed, but Levi was glad to be around the three of them. By the time the fall rolled around they’d be gone. Mikasa decided to go off to a coastal school to continue her judo training and pursue a degree in Asian American studies. She hoped to study abroad in Japan. Eren decided to go to a smaller school and was undecided on his major, but honestly wanted to go to the fire academy to become a fire fighter. To appease Grisha, he’d try college first. Armin wanted to major in biology with the idea that he would become a teacher. He chose a school in Rick’s town. Though he could have gone to Hange’s campus, he just liked the program at this school better. So all the kids were grown up and leaving.

Lysol and Clorox emerged from their hiding places and curled up with Mikasa.

“Oh, that’s not even fair, you’re always the favorite,” Eren said.

“She _is_ cuter than you,” Armin said.

“You’re always _my_ favorite, Eren,” Mikasa said.

“Yeah right. I’ve always had to compete with Armin,” he said. His arm draped across the couch behind her.

“No, Armin’s been competing with me,” Mikasa said. Armin’s face flushed red.

“There’s no competition,” Armin said.

“Well, Armin you always win if you slip back into your Aussie accent,” Eren said. Armin turned red from his neck to his hairline and Levi smirked and raised an eyebrow. Petra and Nanaba arrived just in time to save Armin from his misery.

“She’s ready!” Petra said. Levi jumped to his feet and straightened his tie even more if possible.

“You look fine,” Nanaba said. “She already thinks you’re amazing.”

Levi nodded as he heard her descend the steps. Levi blinked back tears when he finally saw her, he felt like he was sliding the ring on her finger all over again.

“Don’t look like that,” Hange said.

“Shut up, I do what I want,” he said as he came toward her. He got on one knee and kissed her hand. “My highland warrior.”

She helped him to stand and hugged him tightly.

“I think the dress kilt is so Hange, it’s not even funny,” Nanaba said. Levi almost didn’t hear her as he gazed into Hange’s eyes and ran his hand gently through her glossy waves.

“I didn’t think that cravat would look all that great but you look amazing,” he said.

“Well, I needed something borrowed,” she said. He kissed her cheek and took her hand.

“Let’s go, everyone’s going to be waiting for us,” he said. They all split up into the cars they were to be driving. Levi put his head on Hange’s shoulder and closed his eyes as Nanaba drove.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. His eyes snapped open.

“Nothing,” he said.

She squeezed his hand tighter. “If you don’t want to talk now, we should talk later. I know something’s wrong.”

He sighed and resisted the urge to kiss her neck, settling for her temple. Her hair smelled so lovely, and the way she gave him that red lipped smirk drove him half mad.

“Fine,” he said in defeat. His mother’s frantic call pulled on his conscience. It did sound as though she needed help. But he couldn’t worry about that now. They arrived, and Oluo was outside waiting for them.

“Hello, Levi you look great. Hange, looking good!” Oluo said as they got closer. “Now, just so you know, brunch started at the exact time you said. Everyone’s eating right now. You two have a place set up in the garden alone. We’ll brew your tea and it will be served with your food. The photographer is here, pictures are scheduled to start being taken in two hours. Everything is set for your lightsaber battle.”

“Thank you. I know everything will be fine if you’re in charge,” Levi said. Oluo’s grin got much too large and he nodded.

“I’ll keep everything running smoothly!” he said. They were shown to the large room where their friends and family were. Levi was overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, almost immediately he wanted to be alone with Hange, just for a little while. Oluo was a genius for having their private table set up. They said a few greetings before they were whisked away for some seclusion.

“We'll have one of the servers bring you food,” he said.

They settled in together and Hange held his hand. He couldn't help but smile when he looked at her. She was radiant, her dark eyes seemed so much more sultry and he had no idea what Petra did to make them more mesmerizing than usual. She broke his revery by gently cupping his cheek.

“I really want to know what’s wrong,” she said. He closed his eyes and placed his hand over hers.

“Mom called this morning. She needs ten thousand dollars. Seems she owes some people some money,” he said.

Her brow furrowed. “What?”

“Listen, we can't help her. I don't know what to do anyway,” he said.

“Well, the bank is closed. I think I can move some money around,” she said.

“No, Hange. Not today. Today is about us and the people who care about us,” he said.

She lifted his glasses, leaned over, and kissed the bridge of his nose.

“Okay,” she said.

Their server arrived and Hange squealed over her waffles. She held his hand as they ate and he squeezed it. It made him think of that morning, the one that changed his life forever. The most important part of the morning was that Hange told him that she loved him. He had honestly forgotten that afterward they had breakfast holding hands and sharing food. But it came flooding back now. There were going to be so many more memories like that he was certain.

Levi the food was amazing, but since it was catered by a café that Oluo recommended, he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised. He was glad to be alone with Hange before returning to the others. He wasn’t sure he could handle people watching him hold her hand, or play with her hair. They finished their food and returned to the main room, only to be ambushed by Sandy as soon as they opened the door.

“You kept your promise, Uncle Yoda. You married my Zozo!” she said. Levi should have been more alarmed by the rush of nieces and nephews now headed for them, but not today. He welcomed them all. Oluo rushed over.

“Now kids, you can keep on hugging Uncle Levi, but make sure to do it for the camera. Come along!” he said. Levi watched with a slight ache as Hange scooped up Leanne, the poor girl was finally learning how to walk and was lagging behind. She hugged Hange's neck and Levi tried not to imagine a round faced baby with Hange's eyes and his hair. Sandy held his hand as they went out to the garden.

He hadn’t looked forward to taking photos, but it turned out to be a little fun. The Hanges were lively as ever, and as long as _his_ Hange was at his side, it wasn't much effort to smile. Something was missing though. He watched as Hange took pictures with her parents and he knew what he had to do. He went back into the dining room and found his father and Pixis. His father had obviously tried hard today, his hair was neat, he actually wore a sports jacket and polo shirt, his clothes were clean and unwrinkled. He trimmed his beard. And even though there wasn’t any alcohol given the party was early in the day, he hadn’t so much as touched the seltzer.

Levi swallowed and took a deep breath. “I...I wanted to take a picture with my family.”

The two men exchanged glances.

“Of course you would, Kid,” his father said. He stood up. “You deserve a picture with _all_ of your family.”

He squared his shoulders and marched over to the table where Mikasa and her family were sitting. Said family, included his estranged uncle. Levi almost wanted to stop his father, but Pixis held Levi’s arm.

“Let him do this,” he said.

Levi watched his father approach his brother. He put his hands in his pockets.

“Monty, I know we’ve had our differences,” he said.

“To say the least,” his brother replied.

“But just for today, can we bury the hatchet? Levi wants a picture with his family. I think we can keep it together for a few pictures.”

“I think we can.”

His brother held out a hand and they solemnly shook. Mikasa smiled and glanced over at Levi. All he could do was nod. She rushed over to him and gave him a hug. All he could manage was a pat on the back in return.

“Eren’s really jealous. Armin and I are both related to you, and he doesn’t get to pose with his hero,” she said.

“Tell him to marry one or both of you and he’s got a free ticket in,” he said. “Also I will be taking pictures with Erwin and Oluo so...”

Mikasa laughed and headed outside. Levi waited for his father. Together they silently walked back to the garden. Levi raised his arm a bit and then hesitantly put his hand between his father's shoulder blades.

And so for the first time in years, he took a picture with his father. And for the first time in decades, his uncle and father came together, grandchildren and all for a family portrait. Levi was a little scared. It was coming together too nicely. Hange sensed his unease and squeezed his hand.

“We’re okay,” she said. He grimaced and she kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry. I’m officially challenging you to a lightsaber battle. It’ll help you to relax.”

He snorted. “You know me too well.”

Oluo had the courtyard set up for their match. Much like an actual duel, beforehand they each had chosen a second. Hange picked her brother Rick, Levi picked Erwin. Both of them were ready with their lightsabers. Her parents were sitting in ornate chairs as the official judges.

Levi went to Erwin to retrieve his saber. He moved to take it, but Erwin wouldn’t let go.

“Something’s wrong,” Erwin said. Levi glared at him over his glasses.

“Am I an open book or what?” he said. “No use hiding it from you. Mom called. She’s in deep shit. She wanted me to help her and I told her to fuck off.”

“You’re not feeling guilty, are you?” Erwin asked. Levi frowned. “Don’t. You prioritized the right people. We’re all here for you. Now, go. Hange’s ready for you.”

Levi glanced over his shoulder. Maybe it should have been out of place for a person in a dress kilt to wield a lightsaber. But this was Hange. Levi took his lightsaber and twirled it. Hange grinned and settled into a stance worthy of a Highlander movie poster. He hoped someone had a good picture of this. They were both on pins and needles, as soon as they heard the gong for the match to begin they were at each other’s throats. There blades were locked for a bit, Levi was always surprised at how much strength Hange had. He could overpower her, but it took a lot of effort. She leapt back a bit and tried to catch his side, which he blocked. He tried to swipe at her shoulder but she evaded him.

Their matches tended to go like this: she’d strike, he’d block, he’d try to hit back, she dodged. In combat they were matched for speed, but she was slightly more agile and he was stronger. While fighting against each other, they could have a stalemate that lasted for hours, but he could only imagine how devastating they’d be if they fought a mutual enemy side by side. It’d be unfair to fight a human, but maybe something bigger. Like a dragon, or a...

Levi’s hesitance was barely perceptible except to Hange. She took the opening and jabbed him in the ribs. He froze and looked at her. He expected her to be triumphant, but instead she looked stunned.

“Levi?” she said softly.

He let out a strangled chuckle, “A-are you surprised you won? I sure am.”

She stared at him a moment before she grinned and hugged him tightly. She was shaking, just a little bit. Why would she be doing that? He was the one who pictured a huge, lumbering human like figure with a lolling head and horrifying mouth. There was no way she could know or have seen the same thing. But she reacted like she had...

“We’re okay,” Hange whispered. He nodded into her shoulder.

“We are,” he said. They had to let go before people started getting worried about them. But they held hands tightly, their shaking barely noticeable. The party was wrapping up. Levi mingled with his guests, his unease lifting slightly, enough for him to release Hange. Before he could get too comfortable, he heard a pair of frantic footsteps. Levi was almost horrified, his mother was there, hair askew, in jeans, her makeup was smeared. But she zeroed in on him and ran over.

“Levi, I need you right now!” she cried. His father seemed to teleport to his side.

“Hil, what are you doing?” he said.

“They’re after me, they’re after me and I can’t pay up. All your rich friends are here, ask them to help me out!” she said. Levi wished the ground would swallow him up. He clenched his jaw, but before his hands could fully ball into fists, Hange intertwined her fingers with his.

“Hilary, how good to see you!” she said. “Is everything okay?”

“They’re going to hurt me if I don’t give them the money!” Hilary cried.

“Ma, stop,” Levi growled. Hange squeezed his hand.

“How much money?” Hange asked.

“No, Hange,” Levi said.

“Ten thousand dollars,” she said.

By now everyone was staring, and Oluo came over.

“Hey, what’s going on? Do you need me to escort her out?” he asked. “She never RSVP’d so, I can—”

Hange shook her head. “Can we speak to these people? Get an extension perhaps?”

“There’s no reasoning with them, no pity!” Hilary said. The doors opened and two burly looking men in black suits were there. Hilary hugged Levi and started to cry. “Help me, please!” she begged.

They started to approach, but before anyone could make a move, Oluo stepped in front of them.

“Move it, man,” one of them said. Oluo crossed his arms and said something in Italian and they stopped. They smiled and seemed to relax. They went back and forth for a moment before they left.

“Just wait a minute. Their boss is here and he wants to speak with me,” Oluo said. Levi wanted to move so he could speak to Oluo, but his mother would not release him. Oluo came over instead and clapped Levi firmly on the shoulder.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Levi asked.

Oluo sighed and raised his eyebrows. “Only that we all have family we’d rather not see. Remember back in college when I had ‘Lil’ O’ embroidered on my track suit? That wasn’t my rapper name like I told you.”

“I figured,” Levi said.

“I’m named after my uncle, also known as Big O,” he said. And Big O arrived, a trim, thin looking man with his grey hair slicked back and looking every bit like an older version of Oluo with glasses. He held out his arms and hugged his nephew, kissed both his cheeks letting out a string of words in Italian. Oluo led him over to Petra and he kissed Petra’s hand and patted her cheek.

“I’m going to take your mother to one of the other rooms so we can talk business. I have people to clean up and put things in order, so you can leave when you’re ready. Trust your mother’s in safe hands,” Oluo said.

Levi smiled. “I trust you. And...right now you’re pretty badass.”

The look on Oluo’s face was utterly stunned before he straightened his lapels and held out his arm to Hilary.

“It’s okay, Mom. Oluo won’t let them hurt you,” he said. She put a shaking hand in the crook of Oluo’s arm and followed him. Hange hugged Levi’s arm.

“We owe him big time,” she said.

“Yeah we do. Everything went perfectly for the most part,” he said. Hange rested her chin on his shoulder.

“It was lovely. I’m so happy,” she said.

“Really?”

All she offered was a dreamy smile in response. She leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“But tomorrow will be better,” she said.

Together. All day. No interruptions.

“You’re right,” he said and kissed her forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's cliche that the vaguely Italian character has a vaguely mafia-esque family. Well...there's a reason Oluo felt at home with a thug like Levi.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She put her cheek on his shoulder. He put his hand over hers. He might have kissed her but he was very aware of the fact that they were the youngest parents on the bleachers and drew enough attention.

Hange had been coughing all night. A first, Levi just ignored it, but she go so loud and so frequent, he had to wake up. He turned on he light and she groaned as she rolled onto her back. He put his hand on her forehead. A slight fever. He hugged her and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“I feel crappy,” she said.

Levi was learning how to navigate Hange when she was sick. His first goal was to get her to rest and that could be tricky. He rubbed her shoulder.

“I suggest that you go on sick leave, Number One,” he said in his best impression of Captain Picard. Hange gave him a wheezy giggle. His impression was just good enough so that she knew who he was imitating, and just off enough for it to be entertaining.

“Will do, Captain,” she said.

“Shall I go to sick bay and get you medicine?”

“That would be great,” she said.

“I will make it so,” he said. He squeezed her a little before letting her curl up on the bed. He left the room and headed downstairs. He didn't understand his own thinking sometimes. Had he been the one who was sick, he would have left the room and locked himself in a guest room until he felt better. He could already picture Hange and Windex clawing at the door. He was getting softer now, he'd probably let them in after a day, most likely two.

But whenever Hange was sick, he couldn't leave her alone. He wanted to take care of her, and she seemed to like being cared for. He didn't understand why he wouldn't let her take care of him in return. He knew all he really wanted when he was sick was to be curled up in her arms in any spare moment she had.

He couldn't put a name to why he hesitated. Not before he made it to the kitchen to retrieve the nighttime cough medicine. He was surprised to see the light on. He peeked in and saw Armin at the kitchen table. He looked up as Levi finally entered.

“Hey, Armin,” Levi said.

“Hello, sorry I'm up so late,” Armin said.

“No sorrys, I'm just worried about you getting up for school tomorrow,” Levi said. Armin ran his fingers through his hair.

“I'm just writing my valedictorian speech,” Armin said.

The words hit Levi hard. This was real. Armin was going to graduate. Armin was going to college. Armin was going to leave them. Levi grabbed Hange's medicine and sat with him. Armin put his head in his hands.

“High school was kind of rough for me,” he said.

“But you're done and you're stronger,” Levi said. Armin put his head on the table.

“I miss Grandpa,” he said. Levi put his arm around him.

“I do too,” Levi said. Armin hugged him. As soon as Levi felt Armin's tears soak through his shirt, he hugged him tighter. “No matter what you say, I'm proud of you.”

Armin nodded, but didn't lift his head. Levi rested his cheek on Armin's hair. Levi heard Hange descending the steps, he must have taken too long. She gasped when she saw the scene in the kitchen.

“What happened?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around both of them.

“Writing his speech,” Levi said. Armin moved away from Levi and wiped his eyes. Hange got Armin a tissue and gave it to him. She sat next to him and held his hand.

“I'm okay. Thanks guys,” he said. “I-I want to get back to work.”

“Yeah, and Hange is sick, so I'm going to make her rest,” Levi said.

“Good night,” Armin said.

“Love you,” Hange said quickly as Levi grabbed her arm.

“I love you too,” Armin said.

Hange held Levi's arm as they went upstairs.

“He's grown up so fast,” she whispered. He handed her the cough medicine and said nothing. He knew.

* * *

Hange, in a rare moment, would not say she wanted more hugs, but she certainly took any opportunity to hold Armin. Levi did not withhold her from him. They were out in the garden together, Armin rested his head on her shoulder while they watched movies, they played with the cats together. Silently they knew things were going to change.

In view of her need for affection, Levi let her hold his arm all during the graduation ceremony. They settled near the Jaegers and Mikasa's parents as they waited for he ceremony to start. Levi was forced to engage in small talk since Hange was not interested in conversation.

“Hey,” he whispered. She put her cheek on his shoulder. He put his hand over hers. He might have kissed her but he was very aware of the fact that they were the youngest parents on the bleachers and drew enough attention. He leaned over so he could whisper to her. “Do you want to sneak out during Erwin's speech and make out under the bleachers? It's after Armin's speech and we'll be back in time to watch him get his diploma.”

She smiled a little and nodded. She drew a sharp breath as the graduation began. The students filed in and Armin was shown to the stage. They mayor would give a speech first, Armin was second and Erwin's speech was last. Levi didn't really hear the mayor speak, he was busy concentrating all the poise and good vibes he could on Armin. As soon as he stood and walked for the podium, Hange didn't breathe. He shuffled his notes a bit and scanned the crowd (Levi was sure he was looking for Eren and Mikasa).

“Mr. Smith told me not to open with this. I tried to come up with something else, but there's nothing else to explain it: High school was hell,” Armin said. Levi smiled. Irritating the hell out of Erwin was the family business. “For me, the hell wasn't just the tests, homework, sports, and extra curricular activities. It was finding out my grandfather had cancer in freshmen year. It was losing my childhood home in junior year and finally, Grandpa...my last living relative and one of the best people I know...he passed away this past September. I wish...I know he wanted to be here.”

Hange started to get up, but Levi held her arm tighter.

“He's crying...” Hange said.

“He'll pull through,” Levi said. Hange sighed.

“But I'm here. And I'm not alone. I have my friends, they know who they are and I have my new parents. The people who opened up their home to me and my grandfather when we lost ours and adopted me when I had no family. I don't think I would have made it without them.”

There were few dry eyes in the crowd and Hange was beside herself. He handed her his handkerchief. He didn't bother to tell her not to cry. When Armin was finished, when the applause for him finally stopped (and it took a while), Levi grabbed her by the hand and dragged her under the bleachers. There were already teenagers way ahead of them. Levi didn't see them at all, he just guided her to a beam and gently pushed her against it and held her face. He dried her tears.

“He's going to leave us” she said.

“Not right now,” Levi said.

“But...he doesn't need us anymore,” Hange said.

Levi hugged her. “Yes he does. Not in the same way but he's going to need us.”

“I want things to stay the same...” she said. Levi kissed her firmly on the lips. She wean straight for an open mouthed kiss, as though she were begging him to block out all her sorrow with his skillful tongue. He was not a gifted kisser, but for Hange he'd try. Their lips parted, she couldn't stop crying but he kissed hr forehead, cheeks, her jaw, her neck. Hange managed to compose herself so they could return to their seats. Armin was first up to receive his diploma (not many people were before Armin Arlert in he alphabet). As he walked way from the stage, diploma in hand, Levi hugged her.

“I'm so proud of him,” he said. He felt the pride, but there was something else, something dragging.

* * *

Levi loved that one of the highlights of his summer was the camping trip with Rick. It was a healthy almost stable part of his life that he hadn't ever had before, but was more common since Hange entered his life. It was a tradition, and he hoped to continue it his with his family as long as possible. There was a twinge of a thought, of Armin being followed by a tiny brown haired child with Hange's nose, of listening to their endless chatter about being with Uncle Rick and teaching them how to make s'mores like Hange taught him.

The thoughts still terrified him. Almost as much as the idea that he almost wanted to invite his father to come with them (he didn't. He came to his senses in time). But a number of terrifying things had already happened. He was married to the person he loved most in the world. His son was happy, healthy and pursuing the degree he loved. For once in his life he was willing to just enjoy the high point of his life rather than anticipate the low.

They were going to meet up at Rick's place that year. It made sense, since Armin was going to school in his town, they'd drop off all his things at Rick's house and he'd spend he remainder of the summer there so he could get used to the new surroundings and it'd be a much shorter move on campus. So the next few days were their last together until Thanksgiving. Levi helped Armin pack, though Hange was the one to supply anything he was missing.

The drive wasn't that quiet. Levi and Armin did all the talking. Hange wasn't entirely silent, she chimed in now and then, but she didn't say much. Once they arrived Levi was surprised to find Rick waiting for them. Specifically him. Rick opened the door and gave him a hug. Levi returned it with a bit of hesitance.

Hange laughed. “It's official. You're officially part of the family so no one can say you're an exception to his rule.”

Levi laughed. “Guess that makes me less special now.”

“Nah, you married Zozo, that only elevates you,” Rick said. “We've got to get Armin's stuff all in the room he'll be staying in. Let's get started.”

With far more hands to help than loading the car at home, it was much faster and easier to get all he boxes in place. There was no need to unpack, so they left mostly everything in boxes and hopped in their cars and headed to the camp grounds. Levi and Hange didn't want to split up from Armin, so Sandy and Charlie joined them. The children animatedly told Armin how happy they were to have him near them, and Levi stole glances at Hange as she remained quiet. He held out his hand to her and she held his and squeezed. They'd have to talk about whatever was on her mind later, but he had an idea. Because he was thinking the same thing most likely.

Armin and Hange were two peas in an inseparable pod when they made it to camp. Yes, Levi helped them set up their tent, but they went for a walk by the lake together and sat next to each other at the campfire. Levi snapped a few pictures of them when he remembered. He supposed if he had a parent as wonderful as Hange he’d linger near them as often as possible. He never knew the feeling, shadows of it with his slowly reforming father, but the contact and interaction was short, he knew he couldn’t handle much. What was it like to have parents that actually cared about you? He could only imagine and observe it in others. He certainly hoped he gave Armin the best he could give.

They settled in for the night, Armin in his sleeping bag between them. Levi heard him giggling and whispering with her well into the night. Just then, finally a shadow of jealousy crossed his heart. He remembered the last time he tried something like that with his own mother. He was very small, he had some trouble climbing into her bed. He’d seen her crying earlier, all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was all right. He hugged her neck, kissed her nose and ran his fingers through her hair (it was brown then). All he whispered was how much he loved her, before her eyes snapped open and she clamped her hand over his mouth tightly and told him to keep his fucking mouth shut she was trying to sleep.

Levi kept his eyes closed and smiled despite the pain. How lucky Armin was to get to choose his new parents. He listened to their delighted whispers until they lulled him to sleep.

* * *

Their yearly hike started as usual, everyone seemed to pair off and Levi knew Hange and Armin would want to be together. Levi led the pack with Rick for a number of reasons. It was no secret he liked Rick a lot, but he also knew Rick would allow him the time to be lost in his thoughts. It was unusually hot, Levi brushed the hair out of his face.

“I can’t believe Hange’s going to be an empty nester before I am,” Rick said. Levi glanced over at him and smirked.

“I know. But to be fair, she was sort of handed a high school aged boy,” he said.

“It’s weird, y’know? It’s not a race or anything, but life throws you all sorts of curve balls you weren’t expecting,” Rick said.

“I know,” Levi said softly. Rick nudged him gently. Levi felt a weird tightness in his chest and he blinked rapidly. “Did I do enough for him?”

“I’m sure you did,” Rick said. “You’re not done by any means. You’re in this for the rest of your life.”

“It doesn’t end,” Levi said. He pressed the heel of his palm against one of his eyes and clenched his jaw. Even if for some reason Armin died before he did, he’d carry that pain until he died himself. It was too late. “I’ve been so afraid of becoming a parent and I already am one.”

Rick smiled absently. “Deciding to bring another life into the world is difficult. I’m sure just the taste of parenthood is sobering enough.”

“I don’t know if I failed Armin somehow...I…I’ve never experienced loving parenting myself…” Levi said.

“No parent is perfect. But I’m sure you know the difference between what you experienced and what decent parenting is like,” Rick said.

Levi glanced over his shoulder at Hange and Armin. Sandy had wormed her way between them and they smiled as she regaled them with one of her rambling stories. He clenched his fists a little.

“I’ll take Hange on our hike, you talk to Armin. It’ll help you,” Rick said.

Levi nodded. It seemed that the hike took forever until Rick whisked Hange away, and the rest of the family finished the easier leg of the trail without them. When they returned to camp, Levi set about making food for when Rick and Hange returned. Armin hovered near him as he got the ingredients from the car.

“Can I help, Levi?” Armin said. “Hange said she always looks forward to your pancakes after the hike.”

“Sure,” Levi said. They silently got everything ready.

“I hope things won’t be too quiet with me gone,” Armin said.

Levi snorted. “I know, you are so noisy.”

Armin laughed.

“What was college like for you? Hange was studying all the time and that’s what I plan on doing. But Levi...there’s a lot of things I don’t know. I don't know how to explain this...like aside from an awkward...something with Annie, and...I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I think I was in a poly relationship with Eren and Mikasa...I think? We never really labeled it, and things just kind of happened and we talked and then it was back to just friends and I was happy when things were back to normal but I was so confused. And then I think Reiner had a crush on me and I didn’t even know how to react to that, and I think I was a revenge/experimental hook up for Ymir...So many things were very confusing...That’s just it I don’t know how to navigate relationships. I don’t want to go to college and really mess up someone’s life,” Armin said.

Levi swallowed. He didn’t know what to say to all of that. He had some suspicion about Mikasa and Eren, and he was slightly aware that Reiner would be very eager to drive Armin home from school and linger a little longer than was usual. Levi was sure this was just the cliff notes, but he didn’t feel the need to press for details. If Armin wanted to share, he would in his own time.

“First of all, don’t be embarrassed. Confusion and awkwardness is to be expected when it comes to things like this. Things like that can just happen between friends, I should know,” Levi said.

“Really?” Armin said.

“A lot of things happened between friends while I was in college. Not all of them, but a few,” Levi said. “I’m no good at relationships either. I was a real mess. I didn’t realize how much damage I’d done to myself until much later.”

“But you’re with Hange and you guys seem fine,” Armin said.

“It took me years to figure things out. I was burned pretty bad before I could recognize something about myself. I really thought I was a callous guy, that I could use people’s bodies for what I wanted and be done. I did this with their consent and full understanding of what the arrangement was, of course.”

“Of course.”

“I don’t think I need to stress how important consent is.”

“No. Make sure everyone is willing, sober, and safe from diseases is a given,” Armin said.

“Good. But I didn’t know that I wanted something more than hook ups. It took me a long time to figure it out. If there’s any advice I could give you it’s to figure out what you want out of whatever interaction you have with someone. It’s okay not to know right away, but try and figure it out. You’ll save yourself and them a lot of trouble. Learn what you need and what you’re able to give someone else. That will take time and you’ll make mistakes.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Armin said.

“I know. If you need advice, you still have my number. Call, text, whatever. I don’t care how late it is,” Levi said.

“I know,” Armin said. “Thanks Levi.”

“We’re not cutting you loose or anything. If you need money, or if want to come home for any reason, if you need to leave school, change schools, get a job, anything. Just let us know. We’ll take care of you. We’re always there. Don’t be scared or too embarrassed to call us,” Levi said.

“Thanks,” Armin whispered. He reached over and ran his hand down Levi’s arm and gave his hand a squeeze. They turned back to making Hange’s pancakes. They worked a little more closely and smiled a little more. This was the first time Levi had seen in action the fact that parenting continued after a child turned eighteen. His parents were done with him long before that age. Levi felt Armin deserved far more than a decent father, but all he could do was try and hope that was enough.

* * *

Camping was over far too soon. Which meant they were going to be leaving Armin behind. Levi expected her good bye to be tearful. He gave them the space to hug it out and waited his turn. Hange reluctantly lingered in the doorway while Levi went over to Armin. He put his hand on Armin’s shoulder, a gesture he’d done so often. But this time it was different, he got a flash of something, he wasn’t sure what. But the smell of horses, metal and gunpowder filled his nose and Armin’s face was suddenly covered in tears, dirt and blood. He blinked twice and it was over. Armin looked at him with wide eyes.

“Levi...” he said quietly.

They eased into each other’s arms. Armin was one of the few people who Levi did not hesitate to hug.

“You’re going to be fine,” Levi said softly.

“I don’t know,” Armin said.

He squeezed him tighter. “You will be, I know it. I...I love you, Armin.”

Armin put his forehead on Levi’s shoulder.

“I love you too, Levi,” he said. Armin released him. “I’ll call tomorrow morning.”

“All right,” Hange said as she wiped her eyes. “Good bye. I’ll take care of Windex, she’s going to be devastated.”

“Give her a hug for me,” Armin said.

Levi held her arm as they went out to the car. Hange waved from the window until Rick’s house and Armin were no longer in sight. She settled back in her seat and was quiet, the agitated silence Levi was becoming very familiar with.

She curled up in her seat and covered her eyes. Levi pulled over as she started to bawl. He opened her passenger side door and knelt beside her. She threw her arms around his shoulders.

“He’s fine,” Levi said. “You’re fine.”

She couldn’t speak and he rubbed her back. He pressed his nose against her neck and closed his eyes.

“I’m going to miss him too,” Levi whispered. He didn’t say anything as she held him with one arm and brushed at his cheeks with the other. In Armin’s absence, they had to pull together.

 


	46. Chapter 46

Hange grinned for the first time in a few days as she heard Armin’s voice. She didn’t care that she was in the middle of an airport, that Levi was grumbling a few seats away or that she’d survived the worst plane ride of her life. She was just happy to hear her son’s voice.

“Happy birthday, Hange!” he said.

“Thank you, Armin,” she said. “Are you all settled over there?”

“I’m fine. I have everything I need for my classes. This upper classman helped me out. I was going to buy books at the store, but he showed me where to get books super cheap online, and even a few places to download books legally. He would have given me a few of the books for English, but his sister is starting college too and he gave them to her,” he said.

“Do you have a good roommate?” Hange asked.

“They seem okay. Pretty quiet. Did you get to Aspen all right?” Armin said.

She rolled her eyes. “Our flight was delayed for a super long time. But we’re here.”

“Is Levi feeling better?”

“No...” she said and glared over at him. She didn’t want to add that it had been five days since Levi even touched her. Levi let out a well-timed sneeze and returned the glare.

“I hope you guys enjoy your trip. I sent you a gift, you should get it by the time you get home,” Armin said.

“You didn't have to!” Hange said.

“Yes I did. I have to finish reading for class. I’ll talk to you again soon. Send me pictures!” Armin said.

“Love you, good bye,” Hange said. When Armin hung up, she took a deep breath. It was back to the airport, with a sniffling Levi who wouldn’t so much as hold her hand. She stood up.

“Let’s go to the hotel,” she said. She didn’t really wait for him to stand before walking off. Not like he’d want to be near her anyway.

“Don’t get so pissy with me. I’m not the one who delayed our flight,” Levi said.

“Whatever,” she said.

“Slow the fuck down,” he said.

“Keeping my distance, just like you reminded me over a million times on the plane,” she said.

“Well excuse me if I don’t want you to get fucking sick!” he said.

She just huffed and went outside. Levi hailed the taxi and sat as far away as he could as they went to the hotel. Hange crossed her arms, resting her palms on her ribs. She had to hug herself since Levi wouldn't. She scowled out the window.

“It wasn’t my idea to fly out on your birthday either,” he said.

“Will you shut up!” she said. There was silence after that. She swallowed hard and lowered her chin. She put her hand over her eyes and curled up in the seat. She felt so cold and alone and the only person who could help her was avoiding her gaze. So she kept her eyes on the scenery. It truly was beautiful. When the hotel came into view, she smiled. Levi chose well. She glanced over at him. He wasn't smiling, he covered his mouth and coughed. She started to reach for his hand but stopped. He'd just pull away like he'd been doing the past few days. She hugged herself again.

She got her own bag, and forced herself to wait for Levi. She wanted to be away from him while he was so prickly, but she didn't want to be alone. They entered the hotel together. The inside was as nice as the outside. Levi flopped into a chair and Hange went to the desk on her own.

“Hello, I have a room booked under the name Zoë Ackerman,” she said loud enough for Levi to hear.

“Yes. The room won’t be ready for another hour,” the lady said. “Would you mind waiting just a little longer?”

If Hange was honest, yes she did.

“I don’t have a choice. We’ll be back,” Hange said. She flopped over in a chair some distance away from Levi. He growled and walked over.

“You are out of control,” he said. She graciously decided to ignore his statement.

“You heard her. We have an hour,” she said. He sighed and nudged her leg gently. She grimaced a bit.

“Wanna get a late lunch?” he asked.

“Am I going to have to sit on the other side of the room?” she asked.

“Just across the table,” he said. It was her turn to sigh. “Come on, Zoë. It’s not that bad.”

“Fine, let’s go,” she said. She was more than a little upset. She respected his desire not to spread his germs, but not even sleeping in the same bed and staying in a guest room (that he proceeded to lock just to keep her out) was a bit excessive. Five days of no Levi and for some reason she needed him more than ever. Maybe it was the thrill of a honeymoon, maybe it was because her birthday was nearing, but she wanted nothing more than to be cuddled and held and he was pushing her away.

Hange managed to relax over lunch. The restaurant was beautifully decorated, something Levi would not shut up about, it was nice to watch him light up after so many days of being gloomy. She smiled despite the fact that she was still very irritated with him. He even dared to pour them both wine. He held up his glass.

“To our late honeymoon, Zoë Ackerman,” he said. She held up her glass.

“To our late honeymoon, Levi Hange,” she said with a smirk. They clinked their glasses and sipped their wine. “Are you going to have the kitchen staff burn your plates when you’re done.”

“They have very hot water in their dishwashers, I’m sure everyone will be fine,” he said. “It’s nice to see you smile.”

“Yeah well...” she took another sip of her wine. _He_ was the reason she was in such a bad mood.

“Our room should be ready soon,” he said.

“And what are you going to do? Request a second bed so you don’t have to share with me?” Hange said.

“I was thinking about it.”

Hange almost spat out her wine. “Levi! You can’t be serious!”

“I just don’t want you to get sick,” he said.

“There’s a difference between being careful and being borderline insane! You don’t have the black plague, you have a cold. I don’t want to be glued to you but I just...” She put her head in her hands. She was at her limit she just couldn't take this right now. “I just want to take care of you...”

“We’re on vacation, you shouldn’t have to be my nurse,” he said.

“I want to,” she whispered. She brushed away a few tears and hoped he didn't notice. She felt his hand on hers. He did. True, he’d pulled his sleeve over his palm and his fingers rested on the fabric of her sweater, but he’d touched her finally. He wouldn’t look at her, but twirled the wine glass by its stem.

“I’ve always been alone when I’m sick,” he said. She could see there was more to the story the crease between his brows became very deep and pronounced all of a sudden. He kept his lips pressed in a thin line. She put her hand over his, careful to touch only the fabric.

“Not anymore,” she said. “Please let me take care of you.”

He coughed into the crook of his elbow. “Fine.”

“We’re stopping to get you some tea,” she said. “Mint or lemon?”

“Both,” he said. “I have one condition to all of this.”

“Just one?”

“Don’t kiss my face or my hands,” he said.

Hange raised an eyebrow and smirked. “There’s a lot more to kiss than just your face and hands.”

“Like what?” Levi said matching her expression.

“Do you need a full anatomy lesson when we get to the room?” she asked.

“I might...”

“Maybe you’ll want me to map out all the muscles on your back? Massage each one so you’ll remember better,” she said.

“Sounds nice,” he said.

“We’ll start there,” she said. “Now let’s get the check and head back to the hotel.”

They stopped at a small tea shop before they went back. They received the keys for their room and went upstairs. Before they reached the door, Levi rushed ahead of her and blocked her way.

“Let me open the room,” he said.

Hange raised her eyebrows. “As you wish.”

She swore she almost saw a smile. He opened the door, grabbed her bag and hurried in. She squinted her eyes. The lights were on low and she gasped. There was a cake with a candle.

“I asked what the best bakery was in town and had a cake sent here. I worked things out with the staff,” he said. She covered her eyes and started to cry. He hugged her but kept his face turned away from hers.

“Happy birthday, Zoë,” he said.

“I love you so much,” she said.

“I bought you a present.”

He sat her down on the bed and she examined the cake. She almost didn't want to eat it. It was a small, perfectly round cake with the Star Wars Rebel Alliance insignia. She smiled. He knew her too well. He sat next to her, his leg touching hers. She almost rolled over she was so happy to be close to him. He placed his present on her lap. Hange couldn't help but be excited. She tore open the paper and opened the box. She giggled and ran her hand over it. Deep, cranberry red silk pajamas with her initials monogramed on the pocket in cream thread.

“I love it,” she said. “I'm going to wear it tonight.”

“I want to see you in it,” he said.

She blew out the candle on her cake and cut them each a piece. It tasted as good as it looked, but Hange honestly expected nothing less from a place Levi chose.

“I bought the electric kettle. We're going to stay in for the remainder of the day, watch movies, eat, drink tea and let you rest. Maybe we'll do the same tomorrow,” she said.

He put his head on her lap. “I don't want to waste our vacation.”

“We have two weeks.”

She ran her hands through his hair and he closed his eyes.

“Fine,” he said.

“Let's take a shower and get comfortable,” she said. He couldn't hide his smile as she slid the jacket off his shoulders. She kissed his neck and he groaned.

“I missed you,” she whispered against his skin.

“You think I like being away from you?” he said softly.

“I don't know. Sure seems like it.”

She pulled his t-shirt over his head. He stopped and turned his head away to sneeze. She laughed as he wiped his nose and she took off her jacket and her shirt.

“It takes everything I have to stay away from you. All I can think about is being in your arms,” he said.

She removed her shoes and socks.

“So why do you stay away when you feel sick?” she asked. He turned his eyes to the floor and started to follow suit, untying his his shoes.

“I don't like seeing you sick,” he said. “It would be all my fault.”

“So? I mean, being sick isn't pleasant, but it's not the end of the world. I don't have an immune deficiency.”

“I just can't bear the guilt.”

She crawled over and put her forehead on his shoulder.

“Why? What happened, Levi?”

He breathed in through his teeth.

“Later. I want a shower now,” he said as he stood up. He unbuckled his belt and took off his pants. He folded his clothes carefully while Hange watched in silence.

“You coming?” he asked. She dropped her pants and panties in one movement and unhooked her bra, leaving a trail of clothes behind her. She turned on the water and waited for it to get warm. Levi entered the bathroom and hugged her from behind.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

Hange held his wrists and allowed a few tears to fall. She was so happy he was touching her again. She felt his lips on the back of her neck and she closed her eyes in ecstasy. They hopped in the shower and lingered for far too long, she was certain. She held to the rule, not to kiss his face, but she kissed as much of him as she could. All Hange wanted was to touch every inch of him he was allowing. When they finally left the bathroom, she turned on the electric kettle while he measured out the tea leaves into the metal strainer she brought for him. They had mugs in the room for them to share. He was distracted enough for him not to notice her digging through her bag. She found what she was looking for and smirked as she put them on.

“Hey, Shitty Glasses, did you want some...tea...” he said, his voice trailing as he got a good look at her. She smirked and brushed her wet hair over her shoulder.

“I uh...well remember the first time we tried to have sex?” she said.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Well, I don't like red lace or bras, but I like black lace panties,” she said. “Now, finish doing that and let me massage you while we wait for tea.”

Levi was surprisingly obedient. If Hange were truly honest, she wanted him so badly she couldn't quite put it into words. She just wanted him to fuck her until he split the headboard, or for him to eat her out like she was the last thing he'd ever taste. But for right now, with Levi not feeling well, she had to take her time and take care of him They had two weeks and even if she spent that time helping Levi to recover, she was fully aware that they had an empty house to return to. As sad as she was that Armin wasn't there, she was aware of the advantages.

She knelt over him and pressed her thumbs firmly into his shoulders. He moaned and she grinned. If ever there was a way to turn Levi into a puddle, it was to massage him. He was pretty tense, and it would take some effort to loosen him up, but she was up to the challenge. He hugged the tissue box and wiped his nose as she worked his muscles. He sighed and continued to moan softly as she massaged him and kissed his back. She stopped after a while and pressed her breasts against his shoulder blades. She ran her hands down his arms and held his wrists.

“Feeling good?” she asked. Levi nodded.

“I want you to feel good too,” he said.

“Like how?”

“I could do that thing you like.”

Hange arched her back and wiggled her hips a little as she drew in a shaky breath. She swallowed and bit her lip to regain her composure.

“Hmmm, but how are you going to do that with your germy mouth?” she asked.

“I know how to make a dental dam out of a condom,” he said. She groaned and dragged her fingernails gently down his back.

“Please...” she whispered. He rolled her over and slipped her black panties over her hips.

“Be patient,” he said. He grabbed a handful of condoms out of his bag and tossed them on the pillow next to Hange's head. He took one and ripped it open.

“You need scissors?” she asked.

“I have a pair on my army knife,” he said.

“What's all the extra condoms for?”

Levi smirked. “You know what.” Hange gripped the covers and let out a long moan. Levi snorted. “You want me that badly?”

Hange sat up and hugged his waist, her hands wandering. “What do I have to do to make you go faster?”

He hissed as her fingers found a particularly sensitive spot.

“Not that,” he said. “I should punish you for your impatience.” She whined and squeezed him. “But it's your birthday and I think I should spoil you instead. Lay back.”

He hooked her knees over his shoulders as he kissed her hipbones and below her navel. Levi was a bit of a tease when she was this desperate.

“Relax, I've got you,” he whispered against the inside of her thigh. She could feel his breath against her sex.

“Mmmm, don't forget your tea...” she said softly. He looked up at her and she tried to stifle a giggle. He sank his teeth gently into her thigh.

“I'll have tea after I'm done eating,” he said. He didn't give her the opportunity for more words. Hange stroked his hair, scratching the back of his neck, but it wasn't long before her touches were no longer gentle and his attentions were no longer slow. When he went down on her, he made sure she was so full of pleasurable tingles she felt like a jellyfish. By the time he was finished, she was the one who'd forgotten all about the tea.

He sat back on his knees and licked his lips as he watched the results of his handiwork, her sweat slick body, her lips that she chewed raw, her unfocused eyes. Hange wondered if he liked what he saw, that always made her nervous. They'd only been having sex for a few months, and even though he assured her he loved her weird faces, her giggles, and her odd moans, she was afraid she'd throw him out of the mood. His gentle smile eased her fears, he lay beside her and ran the back of his fingers against her cheek.

“Your turn now,” she said.

“In a minute. Let me enjoy this,” he said.

“Enjoy what?”

“You. Looking like this.”

Her heart raced. “Like what?”

“Like...” And his cheeks flushed red from more than just the heat of the moment. “Like I'm the only person in the world.”

Hange was speechless. She kissed the space between his eyes, ignoring his request not to kiss his face. He didn't protest.

“You're more than just my Number One,” he said. “You're my...you're my only one.” He buried his face in her shoulder. “Damn it, I'm sorry. I'm saying really stupid things. I can't say this right.”

Hange hugged him. “You're saying everything just fine.”

He ran his hands down her sides and cupped her ass.

“I've been missing this,” he said.

“You're probably too exhausted from your cold to do anything anyway,” she said.

“I'm getting better,” he said.

“Oh, so suddenly you're not too sick to have sex,” she said with a grin. He rolled her over on her stomach and he raised her hips so he could slip a pillow under her.

“I'm still a little tired and in need of rest. I think I'll sleep well after this,” he said as he opened a condom and rolled it on. Hange looked over her shoulder at him as he nudged her legs apart. She felt felt him ease into her slowly as he lowered his body over hers. For a second she couldn't breathe. They moved together, his lips didn't leave her neck and he held her wrists as she gripped the sheets. Hange savored the friction and the wet slaps of skin on skin. He gently bit her shoulder as he was close to the edge. He buried her face in the crook of her neck as he finished, but he didn't move right away.

Hange pushed him off and kissed all over his chest. She stroked his face as he gazed at her with glassy eyes and a slight smile. She left him alone for a moment while she got a warm washcloth. She cleaned him off, picked up condoms and condom wrappers and poured him his tea. Levi was still in a state of half consciousness but she tossed him his own monogramed pajamas and that seemed to bring him back to reality. She put on hers and eased behind him as she put her arm around his waist.

He was already half asleep and she slipped her hand under his shirt to feel the dips of his abs.

“We didn't get to use all of the condoms,” he said.

“This is just day one of a two week honeymoon and you're sick,” she said. “Slow down, I don't want to wear you out too quickly.”

He chuckled. “Wake me up in a few minutes, my tea will be cool by then.”

“What movie do you want to fall asleep watching?”

“War of the Worlds. That way I don't have to see the disappointing pay off after all that great build up.”

“I will make it so, Captain.”

“Thank you.”

She nuzzled her nose in his hair, which smelled amazing. She decided to linger in this moment of post coital bliss, the slippery silk of their pajamas, the warmth from Levi's body, the smell of the hotel soap on his skin (which somehow still lingered despite their tumble mere minutes before), the wafting aroma of the mint tea on the bedside table. It was just a warm moment of that she could only sum up in the word “together.” It was such a simple concept and she was just so happy to have him in her arms, even if he was still coughing and woke up every now and then to blow his nose. To her that was the best part of sex with Levi, that even when he was tired, all he wanted was to be close to her afterward.

Here was an opportunity to show him how much she cared by taking care of him. She squeezed his waist and he hummed in contentment.

“Love you,” he mumbled.

“Love you too,” she said.

They both dropped off into sleep.

* * *

Hange tried to ignore the pain that crept across her abdomen. But she knew she had to get up and take care of it. As soon as she stood up, she knew her worst fears were true. She rummaged through her bag, happy she prepared for such an occasion. She grabbed a second, not as fancy pair of underwear and went to the bathroom. She slid her pajama bottoms and her panties down to inspect. Blood. A least it only got on her underwear, but he downside was it was her expensive, lace underwear. She decided to shower, put in her tampon, but decided not to put her new pajamas back on. She didn't want to risk getting them stained. Instead, she wore the pajamas she'd planned on wearing originally, an oversized T-shirt from her campus and a pair of short shorts.

She got as far as putting on the shirt before she had to stop. The cramps were getting too bad. She sat on the floor and curled up. She needed to get some painkillers and a hot water bottle. It was a good thing they'd already planned on staying in, she really didn't want to go anywhere. Levi was awake now.

“Hange? Are you awake?” he said. She let out a long groan. He jumped out of bed and became frantic when he saw her on the floor. He grabbed her shoulders and she sat up.

“Are you okay?” he said. He was so worried and it was amusing to her. She laughed.

“I'm okay. My period just started, that's all,” she said.

“Oh. I should have known. I was kind of obvious,” he said.

Hange narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“You get horny as hell when you're PMSing. Must have been why you were in a bad mood.”

“Damn right. I wanted to fuck like rabbits and you wouldn't even sleep in the same bed.”

“I'm sorry. Do you have cramps?” he asked.

“Yeah. I need to take some pain pills.”

“I'm going to go to the drugstore across the street. I need more cold medicine. You need anything?”

“I need some sort of hot compress,” she said. “I'd go with you but I feel so lousy. I'll make tea and order breakfast from room service.”

He kissed her temple. “Good idea. I'll be back in a minute”

Levi left and Hange took some pain killers. She made the tea he liked and called in their order. Belgian waffles drizzled with chocolate and powdered sugar for her, some sort of fancy quiche for Hange. Levi returned before the food arrived. He handed her a packet of adhesive body warmer. She smiled and hugged him.

“Thank you,” she said. She opened the box and put one on. He crawled into bed and sipped the tea Hange made for him. She eased in beside him and took a sip of her own tea. He put his arm around her.

“Food's on the way,” she said. He just hummed and kissed her cheek and her neck.

“I guess the only bright side of having your period is that you know your body is working and you're not pregnant,” he said. Hange didn't know why that got to her. She sniffed and took a sip of her tea. She felt Levi's gaze and her cheeks turned red.

“What?” she said and glanced at him.

“Did you...did you want to be pregnant?” he asked.

She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I-I mean...why would I want that when you're not ready?”

But she did want to carry his baby, maybe a few of them if he wanted. She couldn't just say it and make him feel obligated to get her pregnant. Levi put his hand over her mug and she set it aside. He held her hands.

“Please talk to me. Tell me what you want,” he said.

“I don't...I don't want you to feel like you have to do something or change yourself,” she said. “You know I want more children and I'm willing to wait. I'm going to do everything on my end to prevent it until you're ready. I don't skip any days of my pills, I—”

He hugged her tightly. “I trust you. You're so good to me, Zoë. That's not why I asked if you wanted kids. I just...if I'm holding you back from anything...”

She put her hands on either side of his face. “It's about us first. Let's work on us. We'll worry about children later.”

There was a knock on the door. Breakfast. They ate together and discussed movie choices before they made more tea and snuggled together under the blankets.

“It seems a waste to be holed up in here while we're in such a beautiful place,” Levi said.

“Well most people go on their honeymoons and are holed up in their room,” Hange said.

“Why would they...oh...” he said.

“Looks like we won't get to do much of that with my monthly friend here...”

“We can get creative.”

“And mess up the sheets?”

“There's always the shower.”

“It's still messy,” Hange said.

“Sex is messy. Unless you're not in the mood,” Levi said. Hange was almost insulted at the implication. She pinned him to the mattress, straddling his hips.

“You already know how I get during my period,” she said. He smirked.

“And before your period. I guess if you're going to be thirsting after anyone's dick, I'm glad it's mine.”

“So are we showering after a movie?” she asked.

“Yeah, definitely.”

He gave her the remote so she could flip through the on demand movies while he kissed her neck and shoulders and rubbed firm circles against her abdomen. She settled on watching a lame superhero flick, so she didn't really have to miss much when Levi's gentle touches distracted her.

“Are your boobs really sensitive right now?” he asked.

“They're a bit tender,” she said.

“So would it be better if I kissed them? I think I can be more gentle if I use my lips instead of my hands,” he said. “I just don't want to cause you more pain than you already—”

“Go for it.”

He snickered and lifted her shirt over her head and gently kissed the underside of her breasts. She'd hoped to get five minutes into the movie at least, but if she was honest, this was much better. She cradled his head and hummed softly as his lips brushed against her nipple.

“You're mine,” she whispered.

He rested his cheek in he valley of her breasts and ran his hand down her neck and collarbone.

“You're mine,” he said softly. Hange raked her teeth over her lip. Did he know what he did to her when he spoke to her like that? He had to know. He moved so he was in between her legs.

“You know I heard that orgasms help to relieve cramps,” he said.

“Levi, I thought we were going to wait until after the movie,” she said.

“We are,” he said. But he rolled his hips and she arched her back. “Unless there's something wrong with a little bump and grind.”

She laughed and pulled him closer. “You've got to make up for lost time.”

He pushed harder against her and she pushed back.

“Believe me, I will,” he said.

* * *

As much as Hange would have _loved_ to spend two weeks in their posh room doing nothing but making out, having sex and eating, Levi's cold abated enough for them to attend a few days of a film festival and go hiking. He even convinced her to have a couple's spa day.. Having her period on her honeymoon sounded like a worst case scenario, but despite all the typical discomforts, the amount of care and attention Levi showed offset all he negatives. And I certainly helped ha he seemed bent on seducing her. She felt bad ha she was often so desperate for his ouches, she didn't really play games with him like she usually did. If Levi found this disappointing, he didn't show it.

The return home went smoothly, there were no issues getting home. As Armin promised, when they arrived, there was a package waiting for us. She didn't even unpack, she just sat on the floor and tore open her present. She cried when she saw it. A stuffed Chewbacca and a birthday card that she could barely read through her tears. Levi sat next to her and hugged her close.

“I miss him,” she said.

“Me too,” Levi said.

“We have all this time and space to ourselves. Why cant I just be happy he's growing up?”

Levi squeezed her.

“Is that why you want a baby?” Levi asked.

She looked up suddenly. “No! Levi, I want to have children with you, but only when the time is right. Just because I miss Armin doesn't mean I can just replace him with another child. Now might actually be a bad time for a baby anyway...”

Levi brushed her hair away from her face. She wasn't sure what she saw in his face, in his eyes. He kissed her forehead.

“I want you to be happy,” he said.

She tackled him to the ground.

“Watch it, Shitty Glasses! You trying to kill me?”

She hugged his shoulders and he hugged her waist, their bodies pressing together.

“I can't be happier right now,” she said. “Yeah, I do want your babies, but my life is great. I'm not suffering without them.”

He avoided her gaze. “I just don't want you to think I'm doing this to you on purpose.”

“I love that you're honest enough o admit you're no ready for more kids. I'm not certain of everything that holds you back, but I'm glad you take parenting a new life so seriously. You already are an amazing father.”

He squeezed her. “I'm so glad I married you.”

She rested her head on his chest and brought his left and hand to her lips. Five months of (official) marriage. No everything was perfect, but she felt so secure. She knew they'd face all the changes in their life together. 

 


	47. Chapter 47

Armin wasn’t really awake. He’d made himself a thermos of Levi’s tea, but without the comfort of seeing Levi himself, the taste only served to make him a bit more homesick. He’d have to text him after class, maybe even call. A girl flopped into the seat next to him. Armin knew her name, he actually had a few classes with her. To date she hadn’t said a word to him. But she did linger around him quite a bit.

He wanted to ask her about herself. She seemed nice, just as frazzled as the rest of the college freshman. Though he’d seen her with an upperclassman so maybe she wasn’t as lost as the rest of them. It was now or never. He’d see her for the rest of the semester, he’d have to get to know her sometime. He took off the top of his thermos and filled it with tea and held it to her.

“You want some?” he asked. She stared at him and adjusted her glasses.

“Sure,” she said. Her hand emerged from the sleeve of her oversized sweater.

“It’s high grade black tea,” he said. “I put cream in it, so if you’re lactose intolerant, please don’t try to be polite.”

“I’m fine,” she said and took a sip. Armin wasn’t sure, but he saw her cheeks get an almost royal shade of pink.

“Is it too hot?” he asked. She shook her head.

“Um...your name is Armin, right?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said.

“I-I’m Leigh. I have a few other classes with you, in case you didn’t notice,” she said.

He nodded. “You sit next to me in most of them.”

“All of them actually,” she said. Her face turned even redder. “I-I mean! Yeah, it’s early so I say weird things. Weirder than usual. I mean I’m not that weird but...um...I sit next to you because you’re like my mother.”

Armin wasn’t sure how to react to that. She froze and met eyes with him, utterly horrified.

“Th-that’s not what I meant at all! I, uh...well are you from Australia?” she asked.

“I am. I’ve lived in the States since I was ten, I thought I kicked the accent,” he said.

“Kind of. I hear it a little bit. Um...so, what I mean is, my mom is from Australia and your accent comforts me. I have my brother here on campus, but I kind of miss her. Maybe that’s weird...but I already told you I was weird so...” she said.

“I'm a bit homesick myself. Dad would always make that tea for me back home. He slipped a canister of it into my bag when I left. I miss him. So I understand how you feel.”

Armin sighed. He was a little relieved to hear Leigh missed her mother. He was starting to feel he was way too attached to Levi and Hange. But to hear someone else was missing their parent just as much made him feel that maybe it was normal.

“Hey, if you ever need someone to talk a professor into an extension for a paper, my brother Samson can help. He’s an upper classman and most of the professors seem to like him. So he’s good for stuff like that. I’m sure he’d be willing to help you,” she said.

“That’s very kind of you,” Armin said. “I hope I’ll never need to take you up on the offer.”

“Why don’t you have lunch with us today? If, ah...if you don’t have plans...” she said.

She was wringing her messy braid, her fingers trembling just a little bit. Armin couldn’t help but smile.

“Why not?” he said.

* * *

Armin sat on his bed in his dorm. Across the room, was the empty bed of his roommate, who had gone just that morning. Armin stretched his legs and raked his hands through his hair so he could pull it into a ponytail. It had been a pretty decent semester. He hadn't gotten the full handle of college life, but he enjoyed the experience. While he was taking the lower level science courses, he felt confident enough to lead a study group consisting of people taking it for the mandatory science credit. And he felt creative enough to make it fun and entertaining. That had been a highlight of college life so far.

But now that was on hold temporarily and he wasn't sure he wanted to go back home. But at the very least he could go to Rick's for Christmas. He'd been with Levi and Hange for Thanksgiving at Ariana’s house and he was glad to see them again. But winter break was a lot longer. He wanted Levi and Hange to enjoy his presence. Maybe after his absence they'd realized that...he shook his head.

He grabbed his bag and went outside. His plan was to a catch the bus to Rick’s like he did for the weekends. As he went outside, a car pulled up and honked at him. He grinned and leaned on the open window. Samson raised his sunglasses, while the passenger, a poor, captive Leigh, slid lower in her seat but waved sheepishly.

"Hi, Armin," they chorused.

Leigh glared at her brother and he chuckled. Armin only smiled.

"Hey guys. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just picking up some stuff before we go meet our mom in Cali. What about you?" Samson asked.

"I'm going to my uncle’s. My parents are meeting me there." Armin said.

"Ah, going home for the holidays," he said. Armin laughed and scratched the back of his head.

"Something like that," Armin said.

"Do you want a ride?" Samson asked.

"Sounds great. Thanks, Samson,"

He climbed in the back.

“So...Leigh's got something to confess to you!" Samson said.

Armin raised his eyebrow. "Really?"

"It's nothing," she said.

"It’s about all your study sessions she's been recording,” he said. "She's been watching them for hours."

"I’ve been _editing_ them. Not like obsessing over you like some crazy stalker or anything. Like um...I just thinking...well I’ve been editing them and...well you know I'm a film major and I want to work on something to try and practice...well I think we could start a web show."

"Web show? Don’t those a have to be funny?"

"I was thinking like Bill Nye meets like um...snarky game reviewing? I don't know. But I know that you're fun and educational. I hope you...well it would be fun...y'know?"

"I think we can give it a try. I can't see what could go wrong."

"I can't wait to start."

"And Leigh can't wait to have an excuse to stare at your face for hours," Samson said. That earned him a hard swat on the shoulder. Samson just laughed and drove on. They made it to the house in good time.

"Thank you for the ride. Leigh, we'll talk about our web show later. I can text you?"

“O-of course!”

Armin got out and waved. Leigh ran out.

"W-wait! Just a—''

She tripped and Armin moved to help her but she jumped up.

"I'm good! She gave him a quick awkward hug and ran back to the car.

"I’ll miss you."

He laughed and went up the walkway. He started to fish for his keys, but the door was flung open. Hange charged out the door and crushed him in a hug. She squeezed him so hard he was barely able to move his arms. Levi came out afterward and—much less forcefully—hugged them both.

"I missed you so much," Hange said. Armin put his head on her shoulder.

"Yeah...I missed you too," he said. Levi grabbed his bag and Hange put her arm around his shoulder.

"We haven't touched your room at all. It's all ready for your return."

"Zoë was counting the hours until you came back."

They entered the house.

"Rick said we could stay in the room you usually sleep in on the weekends. I hope that's okay," Hange said.

"No, I don't mind sharing with you guys. We can catch up. How are the cats?" Armin asked.

"They're doing great! Oluo and Petra are watching them for us. I told Oluo not to bother with trying to seduce Petra, since Windex loves her and she still hates Oluo." Hange said.

"Glad to hear she's still herself. What about Mr. Smith?"

"Erwin’s doing okay. Melody's gotten very big. She’s a lot more smiley than Erwin ever was, that's for sure." Levi said.

"Well, I mean look at Marie. You can't be so stone faced whenever she's around," Hange said.

"Yeah, even Erwin can't keep up that facade for too long,” Levi said.

"Have you heard from Eren and Mikasa?" Armin asked.

"Eren calls me sometimes. Mikasa texts occasionally. We had dinner with her parents not too long ago," Levi said.

"And with her grandfather?" Armin asked.

"Yeah."

"How's your father?"

"He's fine. He's learning to build choppers. He’s worked on motorcycles for years so it’s not a huge adjustment. I've seen his work, it's pretty good. He and Pixis ride together every week."

"Nice! Zoë, how are your parents liking the neighborhood?" Armin asked.

"They love it. Mom loves gardening with Levi. They exchange crops and herbs over the gate. The cats love her. We have dinner every so often. But they go away almost every month, they've got their own lives y'know?

"That's good."

Their own lives. That was the reward when your children became adults. You got to move on. And here Armin was, legally an adult and still so reliant on his adopted parents. They didn't ask for him to be born. He hadn't even been their mistake to be responsible for. He was akin to a baby left on their doorstep. At least they were happy to see him for now, but how long would that last? When would he overstay his welcome? He had to be toeing the line. When summer vacation rolled around, would they want him to stay for so long? He was afraid to ask.

* * *

Christmas continued as normal. Or as normal as the Hanges could get. Family poured in from all over. Snowball fights ensued. And for some reason Armin could not shake any of the children who all clamored for his attention. He was third in popularity, succeeded only by Levi and Shawn. Armin didn’t understand why, Hange was a lot more fun than he could ever be. But he understood why the children liked Shawn.

Armin didn't have any blood related family left, not a cousin, or aunt or uncle. He was certainly grateful for this large, confusing family who'd taken him in. What he couldn't shake was this slight unease. That his time with Hange and Levi wouldn't last. He tried not to let it show, but knew it was slipping through.

Hange would hold him tighter, Levi would squeeze his shoulder now and then. He knew they had to see something going on. But he didn't know how to get them not to worry. He just wanted to enjoy what time they had together.

Before he knew it, Christmas Eve was upon them. He was in the kitchen with the other guys, helping out as best he could without being underfoot. Dinner was just about done, but they were short on a lot of things for breakfast the next day and knew they there wouldn’t be time to get it later. Armin immediately offered to go out and get it.

Levi tossed him his keys. And as Armin started to put on his scarf and hat, Hange caught up with him.

"Let's go together. We can play Grocery Race!" she said. Armin grinned.

"Okay. Here's the list, pick your items, and we'll start the moment we get out of the car."

Hange giggled as she got in the car and took out her phone and copied down half the list. He’d barely put the car in park when they arrived, before Hange was out of the car and running for the entrance of the supermarket. He took off after her, his lingering doubts slowing him just slightly. He wondered if his attachment to Hange was normal. They’d only been together for a short time. Was he supposed to feel so at ease with her? He knew she cared but...

She stopped at the front door and ran back to drag him along.

"It’s not fair to have such a head start! You’re the only one who gives me a challenge, Levi doesn't even try to play the way we do. He's always so finicky about getting just the right vegetables and getting cold cuts exactly the way he wants them. I always beat him!" she said.

“You won’t beat me here. I have home court advantage,” Armin said.

“Oh, really? We’ll see!” she said. They both grabbed a basket and took off.

He hoped that he didn't scare too many people, wordlessly worming his way in and out of crowded aisles to get the items he needed. He rushed toward the front of the store and found that he had indeed been beaten. Hange was already on line. He was about to sneak up on her, when he saw she was talking to someone.

"Oh, how old is she?" Hange asked. Armin stood on his toes. She was talking to a woman who had a baby sitting in her cart.

"About thirteen months," the young lady replied. Hange smiled and cooed as the baby covered their face with their hands.

"My husband and I were thinking about having another one," Hange said.

"Oh, how old's your first?"

"Eighteen. He just started college," Hange said.

"Oh!”

"Well, my husband and I are kind of young. And we adopted him while he was a teenager so—"

"Well, you’re basically finished with him. So you were waiting to start your real family. I see."

"That's not—"

"I got everything, Zoë!" Armin said. He didn’t want to hear anymore. It was already tugging away at his heart, and he knew how horrible he felt. Now he was sure he didn’t want to go back with Levi and Hange. Not if he was going to deprive them of having a real family...

* * *

Armin and Shawn usually slept by the Christmas tree to wait with the other children for Santa. Usually Sandy or Charlie would grab him right way, but this year, tiny Leanne came up shyly and held his hand.

“Armin, be my blanket buddy?” she asked. He bent down and picked her up.

“Of course,” he said. “I'm going to get my blanket. Wait for me, okay?”

She nodded and hugged his neck. He put her down and she ran off. He went upstairs and to his room. Hange and Levi were already curled up in the bed together.

“Are you sleeping downstairs tonight?” Hange asked

“Yeah. Leanne asked me to be her blanket buddy,” Armin said.

“That’s so cute! Do you need more pillows?” Hange asked.

“Probably.”

Hange got up and fished through the closet as Armin grabbed his blanket and the charger for his phone.

“There you go. See you tomorrow,” she said. She kissed his cheek and patted his arm.

“Night, Zoë,” he said. He went over to Levi and gave him a hug. “Night, Levi.”

He felt like he was dragging his feet for some reason. He trudged downstairs and sat next to Leanne. She smiled up at him and handed him her stuffed bear.

“You need a friend too,” she said.

“Stay right there, all three of us can take a picture!” he said. She was a natural at selfies. They both smiled as he took the picture.

“May I send this to my friends?” he asked. She giggled and nodded. He had only a few people in mind. Eren, Mikasa and…

Leigh.

* * *

Morning rolled around much too quickly. The children were already tearing at their presents, but Armin felt like it was the end of...something. He went upstairs to wake up Hange and Levi. Armin held his hand up to knock on the door, but stopped. He just couldn’t do it. He had to cut the ties or at least begin distancing himself sooner or later. Maybe he shouldn’t be dragging them downstairs to open presents like he was a child. Maybe that was a job for their actual child. Maybe... it was stupid he knew but perhaps—

The door opened, revealing Hange. She blinked rapidly.

“Oh! Armin how long have you been standing there? You should have knocked! I can’t wait until you see your… gift…” she said. She squinted her eyes. “Armin, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said quickly. She shook her head and pulled him into the room. Levi looked a bit groggy as he sat up.

“What happened?” he mumbled.

“Armin’s been acting strange and he was just standing outside our door for some reason. What’s wrong?” Hange asked. She sat on the bed and held his hands. Levi crawled behind her and rested his head on her shoulder.

“Start talking, Kid,” he said.

“I...I don’t think I should come home with you guys,” Armin said. Hange looked as though someone murdered Windex before her eyes.

“What? Why?” she asked. He tried to pull away, now feeling guilty for hurting Hange’s feelings, but she held his hands tighter. “I mean...whatever will make you feel comfortable, but...why? Did we do something wrong?”

“I just think...I don’t want to make you guys feel awkward if you’re trying to start your real family and—”

“Shut up,” Levi said. Armin stared at him. Levi had never spoken so sharply to him, not even in really stressful moments.

“Wha—”

“I said shut the hell up. I’m not going to listen to that shit,” Levi said.

“I just—”

“You’re just talking shit and I won’t let you.”

Armin kept silent now. Hange pulled Armin closer so he had to sit next to her. She put her arms around his shoulders and held him close.

“What Levi’s trying to say, is we’re already a real family. You won’t get in the way of anything,” she said. “Please come home with us. If don’t want to come home because you have other plans, that's fine. But don't think that we don't want you with us.”

Armin hugged her waist and held her. A big part of Christmas was family, and Levi and Hange were all he had.

“If we finally decide to have more kids, they’re your siblings too. They’ll love you as much as we do,” Hange said.

Levi put his hand on Armin’s back. “Listen, just come home for me. Zoë cried for weeks after you left and I can’t go through that again.”

“Okay,” Armin whispered. He felt too choked up to speak properly. “Okay...I’ll come home...”

He started to cry. Hacking sobs, tears that wouldn’t stop, his nose started to run. Hange only held him tighter.

“I-I’m sorry...” Armin said.

“Don’t apologize for shit,” Levi said and handed him a tissue.

Armin blew his nose. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, Zoë...”

“Don’t apologize,” she said. She rubbed his back firmly.

“Armin, tell me if you’d be comfortable with this. I think you should call us Mom and Dad,” she said.

“B-but, ‘Mom’ isn’t gender neutral,” he said.

“It’s a title, that’s all. It means something to you. We’ll leave it like that, and if we discover something more neutral along the way, we’ll use that instead. It’s just a thought. I don’t want you to doubt that you can come home ever again. Maybe this will help a little.”

Armin was quiet as he thought it over. She ran her fingers through his hair.

“Is that okay with you, Levi?” she asked.

“I don’t care what he calls me,” Levi said. “Do whatever you want, Armin.”

“It’s just an option. You can still use our names, we won’t be upset but—”

“No, Mom. I think it’s a good idea. I’ll try it,” Armin said.

Hange cradled him close and her lips brushed against his temple.

“My little Armin,” she said. “I love you so much. You’re so brave and you’re doing great things.”

Levi got up. “I’m going to get you a wash cloth so you can wipe your face.”

Armin smiled as he held Hange. “I think Dad loves me too.”

Hange laughed. “You know he has a hard time revealing how much he cares.”

Armin chuckled as he sat up. “He’s emotionally constipated.”

“Who’s constipated?” Levi asked. Armin sat up and Hange grinned.

“He said _emotional_ constipation,” Hange said.

“Oh, yeah. That’s me. Working on it, though. The emotional laxatives should kick in eventually and you’ll regret it.”

“No, the goal is the make you regular, not get the runs,” Hange said.

Armin just laughed. He had to admit, it was nice to know he was going home. With his parents.

 


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was safe. He was loved. There was nothing more he wanted from the day.

**Chapter 48**

Winter break did not last long enough. Levi liked having Armin at home, knowing he was safe and well fed. But Armin had to grow and learn so Levi had to let him go. And he was particularly interested to see what became of this web show he was going to work on. Somehow Armin becoming the next Bill Nye seemed so appropriate. He hoped it worked out and didn’t interfere with his studies. Hange cried when Armin left, as expected, but not as much or for as long as the last time. By the time February rolled around, she was mostly normal.

She busied sending Armin a Valentine’s Day care package and Levi busied himself planning a Valentine’s Day for Hange. First thing was first, he needed a place where they could be alone, and Mike had the perfect location. He called him during his lunch break and arranged to use his cabin for the weekend. Step one was taken care of. Step two involved a lot of research. He was sure Pixis wouldn’t care or notice if he spent an afternoon reading in the library. Hange was really good at this sort of stuff, and Levi wanted to sound halfway competent when he tried this out. Now was the final step, which was to actually inform her that they were going away for the weekend and pray she didn’t make plans already.

Hange came home from work while he was cooking dinner. She hugged him from behind and kissed his neck.

“How was work today?” she asked.

“Not bad. No cringe worthy houses today,” he said. “I think the day could be better if you kissed me again.”

“Not subtle in the least,” she said. She pressed soft, feathery kisses along his neck. She rested her chin on his shoulder.

“Dinner smells great. Are Mom and Dad coming over?” she asked.

“No, just us. And, hey, what do you think about having them over for a special Valentine’s Day breakfast? I’ll invite my dad and Pixis too,” Levi said.

“I like that. But why breakfast?”

“Well, I wanted to go out to Mike’s cabin. He’s letting us use it for the whole weekend. So I figured, Friday after breakfast we’d drive out there.”

She squeezed him a bit. “Sounds really romantic. That’s not like you.”

Levi felt his cheeks grow a little hot. “Well, sometimes I think I should try harder. You’re always spoiling me, so…”

She giggled and kissed behind his ear. “I’m so excited! I’ll text Mom. Did you call your dad yet?”

“No, I wanted to make sure it was all right with you.”

“It’s a great idea! I’ve got to pack now. We’re going to have so much fun!”

Levi used to worry that once they got married, Hange would lose interest in him, but her enthusiasm was as boundless as ever. Perhaps it was more because they were still newlyweds. But he was glad she was so excited to be alone with him. They had dinner as usual, Windex pawing at his knee for attention. Clorox was off by himself, while Lysol sat near Hange’s feet. After dinner he called his father.

“Kid, what’s going on? How’s your favorite doctor?” his father asked.

“Zoë’s fine, Dad. I’m all right too,” Levi said.

“What about Armin?”

“He’s good.”

“You heard from your mother at all?”

“She drunk dialed me a few days ago. She’s the same.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. I’m calling to invite you over for a Valentine’s Day breakfast,” Levi said.

“Nice. Do you want me to bring something, or help out?” his father asked.

“Um...you can help whenever you get here.”

“I’ve been looking forward to cooking with you someday. Should I pick up Pixis?”

“Yes, please. We’ll start at nine thirty, so come around then give or take fifteen minutes.”

Levi paused. It was a long drive for both of them so they’d have to wake up very early to get to them. He clenched his fists. It was scary. Too scary. But he couldn’t think of any other way to make it easier for them.

“Do you...do you and Pixis want to stay the night?” he asked.

His father was silent for a long time.

“Kid, the only reason I’m going to say no, is because I don’t think you’re really comfortable with the idea,” he said.

“Dad, I’m offering, it’s okay.”

“No. It’s not. I can hear it in your voice. Pixis and I will work something out. It’s a pretty big deal that you’re letting me into your house at all. I think you deserve the relief of knowing I won’t be there very long.”

“I can handle it.”

“You might, but your cats are probably terrified of me.”

Levi let out a sigh. “Fine for the cats.”

“Another time, Kid. Another time. I’m happy to see you on Valentine’s.”

“All right. See you then. Bye, Dad.”

“Bye, Kid.”

His father hung up. Levi let out another sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Hange saw him and put her hands on his shoulders.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I almost had him stay overnight. I’m so happy he said no. I can’t...I feel guilty and I should be over this and he’s changing but I just can’t...”

Hange hugged him. “Your father right?” she said. “He knows. I’m sure he’s more than floored that you even invited him over. You’ve done so much for him, he knows it. He’s trying hard to mend your relationship, but he knows he’s wronged you. He’s got to accept things on your terms. You’re the victim. He doesn’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.” Levi hugged her and nodded. She squeezed him a little. “Are you really ready to have him over?”

“Yes. I can manage having him here for a few hours,” Levi said.

She rubbed her nose in his hair. “I’ll respect any decision you make. I’m awed by the generosity you’re showing now that your father is trying to change. You don’t have to forgive him, but you’re still trying.”

If Levi was honest, it gave him a little hope to see his father change. He’d always been certain that once you were a certain way, you’d stay the same for the rest of your life. But it made him believe in second chances, that you were not condemned to one way of existing. Levi had seen this in himself, just in his short time with Hange. Levi knew he was different since he’d met her, a little softer in some ways, stronger in others. He knew, had Hange not been in his life, there was no way he’d forgive his father for anything. Ever. But Hange had opened his mind and his heart in ways he wasn’t sure she’d realized.

He had his hands at her shoulder blades and his lips by her ear.

“Don’t think for a second I really trust him. I won’t let him hurt you in any way. You’re way more important to me than he ever will be.”

Hange’s hands balled in his shirt.

“I know you won’t let anyone hurt me.”

Levi was slowly starting to forgive his father for what he’d done to Hange, but only because she was moving on, he showed remorse about his actions and treat her with a lot more respect. But he still wanted to protect her. Which brought to mind a second person. He had to call his mother. Any time his mother showed up it was because he wasn’t showing her the cursory attention she wanted. And he knew that he had to stave off what happened last year. He knew everyone was understanding, but he was mortified. Not to mention she’d groped Hange before and that alone set his blood boiling. He’d do whatever it took, pay whatever price to keep her away from his family.

“You’re thinking about your mother, aren’t you?” Hange said. He ran his hands down to the small of her back. She knew him too well. “You don’t have to call her tonight.” They were still in an embrace, and he didn’t see her face. He breathed deeply as she found the knot of muscles under his shoulder blades. “Calm down. It’s okay. I’m okay, Armin’s okay. We’re okay,” she said.

He hadn’t realized how tightly he clenched his jaw until she kissed his cheek. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until she kissed his neck. And he didn’t realize how tightly he’d been holding her until she pushed him away a little so she could guide him to the couch. She lay back and he put his head against her chest. He closed his eyes as she ran her thumbs firmly against his shoulders. He couldn’t help it, he surrendered to her touch, before he knew it, his breathing became even and he fell asleep nestled against her chest, where he felt the safest.

* * *

In the end, his mother always won. He had to call her. He admitted to himself that things were strained, even more so than they’d ever been before. He’d never minded calling her before, but as time went on, as he had more healthy relationships, he couldn’t stand talking to her. He couldn’t call her knowing he shouldn’t be treated this way. No, he always knew she treated him like crap, he just didn’t want to stand for it any more. But he called her, and whether she was drunk, stoned or hungover he couldn’t tell. She asked for a little money, and he promised to send her. He couldn’t stand to drive to her and give the money to her in person. He just wanted the distance.

Hange quietly sensed his tension over the next few days. And he was grateful that she didn’t push him to explain. But he appreciated her random hugs and soft kisses (and the massages that made him putty in her hands). Now, with his proverbial dragon placated, now that he was certain his mother had no motivation to come into his life, he could look forward to his time with his real family.

His father called two days before Valentine’s to offer to bring fruit. Pixis called the day before to offer artisan maple syrup. Hange’s parents offered to use their dining room. Hange bought him a brand new red apron (“Nothing too schmaltzy, I know that’s not your style!” she said). Armin called them the night before and told them he sent them cards in the mail. It seemed all his anxiety over his mother was replaced by all the loving support from people who actually cared. He almost felt like he owed all of them to make breakfast perfect.

So he got up early on Valentine’s Day. Obscenely early. He wanted everyone to enter the kitchen to the smell of food being prepared, like they were being rewarded for helping him though this rough week. His heart pounded as he took a shower. When he entered his bedroom Hange was awake (sort of) and stared at him though a haze of lingering sleep.

“Morning,” she said. He came over and kissed her forehead.

“Good Morning, Zoë. You can go back to sleep. I just wanted to get started before everyone got here,” he said. She yawned.

“No, you go back to sleep. I don’t know what you could possibly prep for at five thirty in the morning. We’re not going to eat until nine,” she said. “Are you getting eggs fresh from the chickens or what?”

“Damn it, you’re right. I should have gotten organic free range eggs from the farmer’s market...” Levi said. He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. “This is going to be a disaster...”

Hange rested her head on his back. “I didn’t mean that. I was joking.”

“I know...” Levi said. He _knew_. “But today has to be perfect.”

“No it doesn’t. It’s just a holiday, we all get together, nothing has to be a certain way.”

Levi gripped his wet hair. “I know I’ve been acting weird lately. I feel like I need to make it up to everyone.”

“No. Don’t talk shit,” Hange said. “Stay with me for another half hour at least.”

Levi sighed. “Fine. Half an hour. Then I’m getting dressed and ready.”

They lay together, Hange spooning him, pulling him close against her body. He could feel the slight swell of her breasts against his back, and her hand tickled lightly up and down his side.

“If I didn’t want you to relax, I’d totally be taking advantage of the fact that you’re naked,” she said. He snorted and smirked. He held her hand against his stomach.

“I just took a shower, Shitty Glasses,” he said.

“We _could_ take another,” she said. Levi hummed and closed his eyes. He was glad when he could feel Hange’s even breathing against his ear. He was honestly too anxious for morning sex, and he felt guilty because he was also much too anxious to really relax. But he was glad she coaxed him into waiting. He lingered forty five minutes before he got up. He dressed with care, gathered his ingredients and preferred knives and was ready to go out the door by the time Hange got to the kitchen.

She smiled, though it was a bit sad and that only made him feel guiltier. But she took the basket of ingredients out of his hand.

“I’ll help you,” she said and held his hand. They went to the house together, and he put his head on her shoulder. He was shaking and she held his hand tighter. They were entering what was once his house. This was the house his father tore apart. His father was coming today.

“I’m right here,” Hange said.

“I know,” he said. He wished he didn’t have to be reassured.

Hange’s parents were awake already, the smell of coffee filled the air. Her mother smiled and kissed his cheek as they entered.

“We made coffee and tea for you, Levi,” she said. Levi nodded absently and got to work. Hange’s parents set the table, but Hange stayed near him. He looked over his shoulder at Hange standing in the corner of the kitchen, very much akin to the first time they ever cooked together. He stopped and turned around. Her head was tilted slightly to one side.

“Do you want me to help?” she asked. He opened his mouth to say “no” but closed it again. If he shut her out, it would worry her more. He wanted to work alone, he wanted to cook everything perfectly. But Hange was worth more than perfection.

“Yes. Please put the yogurt in a nice bowl. I’ll give more instructions when you’re done,” he said.

They worked side by side, mostly in silence. It relaxed him, especially when their arms or hands would brush against each other. He loved her so much and her presence calmed him greatly. When he heard the roar of the motorcycle he froze. It was going to happen again.

“Levi?” Hange said. He felt her hand on his shoulder, but it he felt almost numb. She cupped his cheek and turned his face so he had to look at her. He couldn’t quite hear her voice, she sounded so far away. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to focus on her face. He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair.

“Maybe this is too much for you,” she said.

“I can do it,” Levi said quickly. “It’s just breakfast.”

Hange nodded. “I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be watching you, so don’t worry.”

The doorbell rang and Hange’s father went to answer it. Levi steeled himself. He heard Pixis’s voice first, that made him relax a little. He heard his father’s voice, but it was very subdued, not nearly as loud as he usually was. He swallowed and grabbed her hand tightly. If he was hurting her, her face didn’t show it.

Pixis came over and patted his shoulders. “It’s been a while. What, a few days since I saw you last? I hope all your research will pay off.”

He pulled him closer. “Vern is ready to leave the moment he’s asked. If you can’t handle him being here, don’t hesitate to tell him,” he said softly.

“I’m fine. It’s fine,” Levi said.

Pixis held him at arm’s length and gave him a tired smile. Levi wished everyone would stop looking at him like that. Levi forced himself to say hello to his father. His father held out his hand.

“Morning, Kid. Thank you for having me over,” he said. Levi shook it and mumbled good morning and it was awkward. Everyone knew it was awkward. And there was no way to stop it. He retreated to the kitchen to keep busy, keep grounded. But he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. He swallowed. Everything was fine. His father was here, nothing was being broken, everyone was smiling. Except Levi.

Levi knew he was the source of any unease and he felt guilty about it. He had to be better.

He used too much force while trying to crack an egg, causing most of it to end up on the counter, and eggshell to get into the pancake batter. A disaster. Everything was a disaster. The eggs weren’t farm raised, the milk wasn’t organic, he was doctoring boxed pancake mix instead of making them from scratch, and he was making everyone worried and everything was all wrong, wrong, wrong!

His father came over, and Levi felt a terror he hadn’t felt in years. Levi gripped the edge of the sink. His father’s hands were in his pockets. There was a chance he’d be okay.

“You all right, Levi?” he said. Why did everyone sound so far away? Levi squinted and tried to focus. His father reached out his hand but stopped and put it back in his pocket. “I can help, if you want.”

Levi wanted to say no, but his mouth wouldn’t open. His father said something, but Levi couldn’t hear, he could barely see. He lifted his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He finally got his eyes to focus, but he felt like he was in a fog. The sound of water managed to reach his ears. He looked over, his father was washing his hands.

“I just want to fish those eggshells out of the batter, if that’s all right,” he said.

“It’s all ruined,” Levi said.

“No, no. It’s fine. Just a few eggshells. I think you should sit down and let me cook. You’re a bit out of it.”

“I want to finish.”

“Is it okay if we cook together? Or do you want someone else to help?” his father asked. Levi was starting to feel settled again. He looked at his father, long and hard. His father nodded. “I understand. I’ll go sit—”

“You can help. But my hands are too shaky to work the skillet,” Levi said.

“How about I’ll make the pancakes and you plate them?” his father suggested.

All Levi could do was nod. They didn’t speak much, but they got the pancakes out in good time. Levi sat between Hange and Pixis. She held Levi’s hand as they ate. He focused on the feel of her fingers against his palm. Plus, there was food. Gifts and candy were exchanged. His father held a square, pink tin.

“I...I made these for you,” he said and slid them toward Levi. “You don’t have to take them.”

“Thank you, Levi,” Levi said softly. There were a lot of things that startled him about the gift. That he gave him one at all, that he chose pink, a “gay” color, for the tin. And that the cookies inside were actually tasty. There was tea, he nibbled on the cookies. All in all, it wasn’t as horrible as he imagined it to be. Hange’s parents had an entire date planned, and Pixis and his father were ready to leave. Levi followed his father out to his motorcycle.

“This was really nice. Thank you for having me,” his father said.

“It could have gone better,” Levi said.

“That was the nicest fancy breakfast _I’ve_ ever been to.”

“I should have been the one cooking,” Levi said.

“I had fun just the same. Besides, you don’t have to do everything.”

“Why would people want to be around someone like me if I don’t do something for them?”

His father visibly stiffened. He reached to touch him but stopped.

“Can I touch your shoulders? Is it all right?” his father asked. Levi nodded. His father placed his hands firmly on his shoulders.

“Listen. I know I screwed you up. I am so, so sorry. There’s nothing I can do to change the past. But I want to do what I can to help you going forward. You don’t have to do anything for me or anyone to be worthy of our love. Today was more than any of us could have ever asked for. You and Hanjo did a great job.”

“Hanjo?” Levi asked.

“Sorry I, uh...I came up with that nickname for Hange and she liked it.”

Levi managed a small smile. “I like it too.”

“Today had to be hard for you. Please don’t push yourself to include me if it’s going to leave you feeling out of it. I’ll accept whatever you are up to giving. And if you don’t want me around, that’s fine too. I—”

Levi hugged him. He was trembling, but he still did it. His father’s arms slowly closed around him.

“You’re a better man than me...” his father said. Levi released him.

“I forgive you,” Levi said quickly. He had to go. He had to go now. He walked back to the house quickly and Hange followed. He shut the door and Hange hugged him from behind.

“What do you need?” she whispered. He clenched his fists and unclenched them.

“You,” he said. She moved so she was in front of him and held his face.

“What should I do?” she asked.

“Just hold me,” he said. She nodded and guided him to the sofa. He crawled into her lap and bit his knuckles. She held his hand.

“Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t,” she said. He drew a shaky breath.

“I’m scared,” he said. “I love him, but I’m scared.”

“That’s normal. I’m sure he’s expecting you to feel that way,” she said.

“I don’t know, Hange. Am I stupid? I think he’s changed, but what if...”

“It’s okay to doubt. No one will blame you for doubting and keeping your guard up.”

Levi felt spent and numb. He took off his glasses, the blurred vision added to his dissonance. Hange’s parents showed themselves in. They didn’t say anything to either of them, but Hange’s mother made Levi a cup of tea, and Hange’s father spread a blanket over both of them and Levi closed his eyes. He could sleep forever. But he planned this whole weekend, they were all packed. He only slept for an hour. Before he left, he went over to thank his in-laws. Before he could apologize for all the awkwardness, they both hugged him.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Hange’s father said. “Go enjoy your weekend. We’ll see you when you get back.”

“Thanks,” Levi whispered. Hange was waiting for him inside their house, with their bags.

“Are you ready?” she asked. He held her hand and they each grabbed their things and went out to the car.

* * *

They arrived early in the afternoon. Hange drove most of the way and somehow she was still full of energy. She breathed in the cold, mountain air.

“Smell those pine trees!” she squealed. Levi obliged her. He didn’t smell anything but the deep breathing made him relax. They went inside and put their bags in their bedroom. Levi collapsed on the bed and Hange crawled beside him. She lightly scratched his scalp and he groaned.

“Windex would be so jealous right now,” she said.

“She would be,” he mumbled.

“You feeling okay?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I just want to stay here for a minute.”

“Okay. Take all the time you need.”

She kissed his cheek. He smiled, just a little.

“Can you get us some things from the grocery store? I’ll give you my list. I’m cooking for you tonight.”

“Oh, don’t. You had a rough morning, and a long drive—”

“I just told you what I’m going to do. Please just get me the stuff,” he said. She chuckled and kissed his forehead this time.

“All right, Mr. Grumpy Gills. I’ll get you all your stuff,” she said. Levi took his list out of his pocket and she went out. As soon as he heard her pull away, he got up. He ran out to the deck and swept it clean of snow. After, he found the spare air mattress, blankets, pillows, and quilts. He blew up the mattress, dragged it outside and arranged the pillows and covers so it was prepared for later that night. He pulled two chairs on either side to serve as bedside tables and inspected his handy work. In his mind, nothing would be equal to what Hange actually deserved. This was decent enough. He drew the curtains and quickly scrawled a sign that said, “Do not ruin your surprise” (since “do not open” would only tempt Hange more).

He did this quickly enough to go back upstairs and throw himself on the bed for another few minutes before she got back. He heard her enter and her bubbly laugh as she saw the curtains. When she came upstairs she rolled him onto his back and straddled his waist.

“What do you have in store for me?” she asked.

“Just wait,” he said.

“You’re remarkably enthusiastic for someone who only recently got interested in Valentine’s Day,” she said.

“I can play along now and then,” he said. She hugged him tightly.

“Are you going to play along for our anniversary?” she asked. He slipped his hands under her shirt so he could feel her skin.

“I might,” he said.

“Aren’t you going to forget like husbands are supposed to?” she said.

“Only sitcom dads do that.”

She kissed him softly. “You’d be a great...”

She stopped. He held her face and rubbed his thumbs along her cheeks.

“You can finish,” he said.

“No pressure, okay?” Hange said.

“I know.”

“You’d be a great dad, I know it.”

He sat up, she was now sitting in his lap. He rubbed his cheek against hers.

“Maybe. You want to go skating?”

She jumped off him with a giggle. He got up and grabbed his skates. She held his hand as they ran out to the lake. He was a decent skater, but Hange was even better, having been on an ice hockey team when she was younger. He tried to catch up with her.

“Slow down, Mighty Duck!” he cried. She just cackled and did a figure eight until she was standing in front of him. He tried to stop short, but he ended up falling on the ice. She helped him up, stifling her laughter. Their chests were pressed together, the fog of their breath mingled, Levi tilted his head and started to close his eyes...

“Toe pick!” she said. She released him and skated away. Levi stared blankly before he burst into laughter.

“Damn it, Hange!” he cried. He started after her and caught her by the waist. They ended up falling on the ice and he pinned her by her shoulders.

“We’re supposed to be skating, not rolling around on the ice,” she said. Levi couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he pulled her hat down over her eyes and started to skate away.

“We can keep this up all day!” she called after him. He hoped they would.

* * *

It got dark early. He made Hange hot chocolate and drank his as he made dinner.

“I can help, y’know,” she said.

“No, shh. I want to cook by myself,” he said.

“Okay, but only because I think you left a few bruises on me,” she said.

“Sorry.”

“To be fair, I’m sure I gave you a few. We play rough.”

“In more ways than one,” he said. She laughed and came to stand beside him, mug in hand.

“I said don’t help me!” he said. She put her cup on the counter and hugged his waist, her thumbs hooked in his waistband. This was the opposite of helping.

“You haven’t been rough with me yet,” she whispered in his ear. He leaned against her as she reached down and gently pinched his thigh. He swallowed.

“Would you want me to be rough with you?” he asked. She hummed and he could feel her hips wiggle.

“There are conditions. We’ll have to talk about it. But I’d like to try it.”

He groaned and grabbed her wrists and removed them from his pants.

“Just not this weekend,” he said. He turned so he could look at her. “Okay?”

She smiled and kissed his nose. “Okay.”

“In fact...I don’t want to have sex at all this weekend.”

“That’s fine.”

“Do you...do you want a reason?”

“Do you need a reason? If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. You just tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

He ran his hand through her hair. “I’ll finish dinner.”

She giggled and lifted his glasses so she could kiss the space between his eyes. “I love you, too.”

He didn’t make anything too special, but she was overjoyed as she ate. And when dinner was over they exchanged cards. He couldn’t read Hange’s out loud. He would carry the words with him, use them to stay afloat when he felt life would sink him. It almost made him wish he’d written more, but she smiled and brushed away a tear.

“Don’t read it out loud,” he said.

“‘Dear Shitty Glasses,’” she began. He covered his ears, but he knew it wouldn’t work. “’Romance is hard for me, but it’s not so bad when you’re involved.’ Can you get any cuter?”

He glared at her, but his red face gave him away. He got up before she could say anything else embarrassing.

“I have a surprise,” he said. He went over to the curtains and removed the sign. Hange was perched on the arm of the sofa, her eyes bright.

“I’m so excited!” she said. He opened the curtains and she squealed. “We’re camping outside?”

“Not all night, I just wanted to look at the stars with you,” he said. “There are blankets, but dress warm. I’ll make us tea.”

Hange hurried off and he put the water on to boil. By the time she came down, the tea was ready. She handed him his scarf, hat and jacket. They walked out together, hand in hand and got situated on the air mattress. She sighed.

“The stars are so much brighter when there’s no light pollution,” she said.

“I know. You wanna see how many zodiac constellations we can find?”

“Oh, I’m good at this. I didn’t know you knew any constellations.”

“I may have done a little studying ahead of time.”

She playfully smacked his chest. “Nerd.”

“But I’m your nerd.”

“That’s right!”

They played for a while, once they got past the zodiac constellations, they pointed out a few others.

“Levi, what do you think stars are?” she asked. Levi was confused at first and he turned to her. She hummed the tune to “Hakuna Matata” and he snorted.

“That’s easy Hange. They’re fireflies stuck on that big, bluish black thing.”

“I always thought they were great balls of gas burning billions of miles away.”

“With you, everything is gas.”

Hange let out a snort and Levi bit his lip as he tried not to laugh to hard. “The irony is Pumba was right, but none of them had any way of knowing that.”

Hange rolled on her side and rested her hand on his chest.

“Stars are great, but yours is the only heavenly body I need to study up close,” she said. He looked at her over his glasses.

“Don’t be lame,” he said.

“That’s all I ever do,” she said. He turned on his side and she pressed her forehead against his.

“Can I touch you?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Where?”

Her breath tickled his lips. He unzipped his jacket and his hoodie. “Above the waist.”

“You let me know if I’m doing something you don’t want.”

She shrugged off her jacket and pulled the blanket up to her chin as she pressed herself against him. He pulled the open front of his jacket around her. He draped his leg over her hips. Her heart was racing, it beat hard against his chest. She sighed and his hands drifted to the small of her back.

“I want to kiss you,” she said.

“You’re allowed.”

He didn’t expect the amount of controlled desperation pent up in that kiss. She pressed her lips against his once, twice, again and again, until she’d pushed him onto his back. She paused briefly, to adjust the blankets and keep the warmth trapped around them. She took of his glasses and her own and set them aside. He loved that low laugh in her chest, the way she fit against him. She sucked on bottom lip and he felt his breath catch. She hummed and pulled away.

“Take the jacket off. Hold me,” she said. He shrugged it off and held her close against him.

He gave into the comfort of the familiar shape of her body in his arms. She claimed his mouth and he surrendered, welcoming her advances. Her hands were tangled in his hair, his hands slipped under her shirt. She stopped when their lips were thoroughly swollen. She gave him a light peck on the cheek.

“I want to make out all night,” she said.

“Maybe we should take this inside,” he suggested. She hummed a little before licking his lips.

“Make out in front of the fire?” she said.

“I'll start get it going. Plus, you need a short break so you can breathe.”

She rolled off of him and they both started to put on their jackets and both of them put their glasses back on.

“I'd carry you in, but you weigh a ton,” she said. “How can you weigh more than me?”

He scooped her up. “Solid muscle.”

“That's probably the reason,” she said. They went inside and he put her on the couch and kissed her forehead. He held her face and she smiled, he swore he saw a blush. He wanted to just forget the fire and make out with her right there, but he kept in control. She giggled and lay on her side as she watched him get the fire started. Once he was satisfied with the blaze, he looked over his shoulder to find Hange crawling toward him, licking her lips. She nuzzled against his neck and he moaned.

“Lay back,” she whispered. He obeyed and she crawled over him. He closed his legs around her hips and she licked his neck a little. The soft smack of her lips against his skin drove him crazy. He just wanted to taste her mouth but his voice was lost in a mess of moans. She stopped after a while and they just held each other.

“This is nice,” she said. He cradled her head and rubbed his cheek against her temple.

“You're not upset?” he asked.

“About what?”

“Were you...did you want me to...”

“Kissing is your favorite thing, right? You're sharing your favorite thing with me. We can have sex whenever.”

Levi squeezed her. “You know what my other favorite thing is, right?”

“Boob snuggle?” she said. He nodded. “Well, grab me a pillow and a blanket and cuddle up!”

He was too eager to oblige. He kissed the center of her chest and rested his cheek against her breast and closed his eyes. He was safe. He was loved. There was nothing more he wanted from the day.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, and by the way Levi, your biggest fan is going to be staying with us for a few weeks,” she said.
> 
> “You mean...”
> 
> “Shawn’s coming,” she said with a smile.

As Hange promised, her parents moving next door wasn’t that big of a deal. They largely kept to themselves, they were traveling often, and only occasionally ate with them. Levi secretly looked forward to the new spring planting season. He’d coached Hange’s mother through starting her own spring plot and promised to help her in any way she needed. Even Hange’s father was excited over the idea of having a garden. They all coordinated their efforts so they’d have a good crop and share what they grew.

It was a bit bittersweet. Armin wasn’t there, though he sent pictures of his potted plants. Apparently it was decided that a segment on plants would be good for the show. But gardening together was completely different than gardening at the same time miles away from each other. They had so many moments together in the garden and he missed that. In the summer they’d be back together, Levi had to accept that for a while.

Hange usually did the watering early in the morning and Levi would check the plants after, weeding, looking for pests. Her mother usually was out watering and then they’d have breakfast before he left for work. Clorox loved hovering around her. Lysol and Windex stayed with Levi. Windex usually either loved or hated a person, but she was surprisingly neutral about the Hanges. She sort of liked Hange’s parents, she did not avoid them and she let them pet her. But she did not seek them out either.

It was morning, and Levi was picking his way between the rows. Lysol sat in the sun, while Windex stayed near the fence, watching Hange’s mother. Levi might not have paid attention, but he noted that his mother-in-law barely moved. Having flashbacks to when Armin’s grandfather had a heart attack, he left his garden and went over into the other yard. She turned off the hose and sat down in the grass. Clorox crawled into her lap and rested his head on her shoulder.

“That’s a good pirate kitty. I know why Zozo loves you so much,” she said. She glanced up at Levi and gave him a tired smile. He nodded and sat next to her.

“He’s a sweet cat and probably reminds Zoë of that cat from the Last Unicorn,” Levi said.

“She likes all the weird fantasy movies,” she said.

“And weird people too,” he said.

She laughed. Levi curled a blade of grass around his finger.

“Are you okay?” he asked. She took a deep breath.

“Maybe Zozo never mentioned it but...I’m adopted,” she said.

“When you showed me the picture of your parents I was a bit curious,” he said.

“You can imagine my life, a little Indian girl adopted by two painfully British parents out of loyalty to a student. From what I understand my mother—my birth mother—had my adopted mother as a professor. When she found out she was pregnant, she asked for advice and my adopted mother offered to take me. They tried so hard to keep contact with her, but she disappeared so suddenly after I was born. And they didn't know who my father was. I know nothing about my birth family, my culture. My parents...my adopted parents were very good. They did the best they could, given the times and their resources, so I wouldn’t be completely in the dark about where I came from, but locating my family has been very hard. Most of them are in India, you see. But...I found them. I've been looking in the wrong country for years. They moved to Britain, apparently they married. I have their address but...”

“Are you scared to reunite with them?” Levi asked.

“Just a bit. Y’know how Zozo is. She knows it’s hard for me, but she thinks I should work up my courage to contact them. She thinks my blood parents should know what a great person I became.”

“What does Gunther say?” he asked.

“He...understands my hesitation. His father was an American soldier stationed in Germany and his mother was German. She moved to the States as soon as she could to find him, tell him about his son and hopefully marry him. She never did find him. He tracked down his father on his own and...well, his father was a black soldier with severe PTSD in the deep south. He took his own life and the family Gunther did track down was upset over the whole ordeal. When Guther showed up years later, they all but chased him off the porch. They didn’t want to bring up the painful past and they didn’t speak to him for years. It was only his cousins that reached out. None of his aunts or uncles dared to even talk to him, and his grandmother refused to acknowledge his existence. I’m not sure if it will be the same for me. I don’t know why they gave me up. Maybe it was just the family stuff, it could also be I was bad for their careers. It could be both of those things. Either way, I’m sure I was just a bad part of their lives.”

“But you’re the good part of your adopted parents’ lives. And a good part of Gunther’s life and all your children’s lives. Even if your family doesn’t want you, _we_ all want you.”

“I know. I really think Gunther and I had so many children to try and make up for the family we lost.”

Levi held her hand. “I can’t tell you what to do. Write them a letter. It will be less stressful for you than a trip there, or even a phone call. No matter what happens we’ll be here.”

She rubbed Clorox’s back and squeezed Levi’s hand. “I’ll give it a try.” She smiled warmly at him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Levi dear.”

He couldn’t hide his small smile. It was easy to see why Hange was so warm, with a mother like that. She put Clorox down and headed for her plot.

“Oh, and by the way Levi, your biggest fan is going to be staying with us for a few weeks,” she said.

“You mean...”

“Shawn’s coming,” she said with a smile.

Levi tried to mirror it, but knew it was probably failing. Shawn, even after all this time was still slightly hostile toward him.

“Maybe the cats will win him over,” he mumbled as he returned to his garden.

* * *

Hange practically buzzed with excitement when she heard Shawn was coming to visit. Levi could only be happy because she was happy. Shawn was her little brother, and he was funny and endearing. To her. To Levi, Shawn was source of anxiety. Thankfully, that hostility was never violent or overt. And no matter how many times she assured him that Shawn didn’t hate him, Levi was not convinced. Levi understood his over protectiveness, especially given what happened to Hange before. But why did Mike get a pass while Levi got all this resentment? Especially now that they were married, it was a done deal, and Hange was happy.

Levi steeled himself for Shawn’s arrival. He came on a Saturday. They all waited in his in-law’s house. Once his taxi was outside, Hange ran out to hug him, Windex in hot pursuit. Hange jumped into his arms and Shawn hugged her tightly, lifting her off the ground. Windex meowed until Shawn knelt down to scratch her chin. The way her tail curled made Levi narrow his eyes. She liked him. She even let him pick her up, and he held her much the same way Hange would, curled up in his arms like a baby. They came up the walkway together and Levi came to take his bags.

“Hey, Cookie Master Yoda. This is probably the first time I’ve seen you outside of a holiday. Why don’t you ever call?” he said.

“Shawn, be nice,” Hange said.

“Fine, fine. How are you, Short Stuff?”

“Shawn!”

“I’m fine,” Levi said. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’m good. Finally getting to do some real hands on architectural work.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“It is! I want to tell Zozo all about it, will you lend her to me for the night? We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“She’s your Zozo, as you keep telling me.”

“Glad to see we know the pecking order.”

“Shawn!” Hange said. “Leave Levi alone, or we won’t be talking tonight!”

“Zoë,” he whined. “I’m just teasing!”

“I don’t like the way you tease Levi. You know you can’t rile him up, so leave him alone!”

Shawn shot Levi a glare before he walked off grumbling.

“Honestly, he’s an adult,” Hange said. Levi took the bags from her.

“I’ll put them in his room,” he said. He took the bags and let the four of them talk in the kitchen. He was cooking tonight, he didn’t want any of them to worry about food and focus on catching up. He was alone and in his element. He knew he couldn’t win Shawn over by talking to him, but he knew he could communicate in other ways. He heard a long sigh from the dining room.

“That smells amazing!” Shawn said.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he poisoned you for all the teasing,” Hange’s father said.

“Ugh, Levi’s a grown man. He can take it,” Shawn said.

“Shawn...you don’t’ know Levi as well as you think you do. Be careful about what you say,” her mother said.

“Yeah, yeah Mom. I’ll be careful.”

“Please, Shawn,” Hange said.

“Lighten up!” Shawn said.

Levi entered the room to awkward glances and a distinct avoidance from Shawn.

“Food is ready,” Levi said. He set a few dishes on the table. Hange got up.

“Is there more?” she asked.

“Just a few more things,” he said.

“Let me help you.”

She got up and followed him to the kitchen. She spun him around and pushed him against the wall and kissed him softly.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course,” he said.

“I don’t like the way Shawn talks to you. I’ve told him so many times not to be so snippy with you. I don’t understand why he is the way he is around you.”

“Yeah, yeah. The usual. He was never this way with Mike all that stuff,” Levi said.

“No, that’s not the problem, though that’s true. It’s just...he’s so mean to you. He knows how happy I am, I don’t hide anything from him. I don’t know why he’s so hostile.”

“Don’t worry,” he said. He pressed his forehead against hers.

“Shawn’s a really good guy. I know you’ll like him if he’d just let up with all the teasing,” Hange said.

“I do like him.”

Hange grimaced and brushed the hair away from his face. “You are too much,” she said.

“Well, Windex likes him and she tends to gravitate toward quality people,” he said.

“She doesn’t seem to like Oluo,” Hange said.

“Well, she’s a picky kitten, you know this.”

Hange snorted. “Let’s grab the food before Shawn decides to check on us.”

Levi raised his eyebrows and followed her. Dinner went without issue. Levi kept quiet and Lysol sat on his lap. Hange kept holding his hand, or brushing her fingers against his knee. He loved her covert touches that were in stark contrast to Shawn’s avoidance. Levi never needed anyone’s approval, but he just wanted to know if there was anything he’d done wrong to incur the wrath of Shawn.

* * *

Levi did not want to leave the circle of Hange’s arms in the morning and she didn’t seem keen on letting him go. He hugged her waist, closed his eyes to take in the sound of her breathing, the sound of her heart, the sound of her laugh as he danced his fingers up and down her sides.

“That tickles, you know!” she said. He lifted his head and gave her a lopsided grin. It was kind of fun to look at her without his glasses, even with his vision blurred, she was very expressive and her face was easy to read. He rested his chin on her breastbone and continued to look up at her.

“I can’t resist you when you get that adorable look in your eyes,” she said.

“Don’t tell anyone I’m adorable,” Levi said. “I’m a real man, y’know.”

“I don’t think anybody doubts that,” she said. “You’re a really adorable man.”

Levi closed his eyes rested his cheek on her chest to hide his smile. “I guess I am.”

“Damn straight,” she said.

“Eh...not exactly,” he said. She giggled.

“That’s true.”

He kissed her nose.

“You’re my Number One, always,” he said. He’d been hesitant to say it before. People change, circumstances change. But he was so willing to work through things, to learn to love Hange as she grew, and he hoped to grow with her. He felt more comfortable saying he was settling in for the long haul.

“Dad’s making breakfast for us,” she said.

“Hm. Breakfast with Shawn.”

“We’re going to play Mario Kart. It’s Shawn’s favorite game.”

“It would be. What are your parents going to do?”

“Mom’s been stressing over her letter to her parents for days now, and Dad’s trying to keep her calm, but...y’know...I’d be disappointed as hell if I were given up by my parents and they made no effort to contact me after all these years,” she said.

He cupped her cheek. “Did you adopt Armin because your mom was adopted?”

“Not the only reason, but I saw how having a loving family can help so much. My grandparents were so amazing. They tried so hard to give my mom the best, to love that she was different, that her skin was darker than theirs, they searched high and low to find someone to teach her Hindi, watched nearly every Bollywood movie their neighbors had. They lost contact with her parents and they searched all over for them, they saved up for years to send her to India to try and find them when she was in her twenties. They worked so hard. Being an adopted parent is hard, but so rewarding.”

“You’re a good parent,” he said. She kissed his hands.

“ _We’re_ good parents. I just want Armin to come home. I know it’s stupid and he’ll be home in a month but...”

“You like him as a person. You want to be around people you like.”

“It seems like he’s having fun at school though,” she said. “I’d like to meet this pair of siblings he’s been raving about. They’re quite the pair.”

“He talks about the girl a lot. What was her name again?” Levi said.

“Leigh, I think.”

“She sounds super awkward.”

“But that’s probably what makes her cute to him.”

“Did he ask her out?”

“I don’t think so, at least last time we talked he hadn’t. He told me that wasn’t sure if she was just always awkward or if she liked him. I think it’s a combination of both, but I’m biased because I’m his Hanjo.”

Levi snickered. “Armin started using that too?”

“Well, we’re still trying out different parent names, so we thought we’d give ‘Hanjo’ a try. It’s a cute nickname.”

“Can I call you Hanjo?” Levi asked.

“You can call me anything you want.”

He kissed her.

“Let's go to breakfast,” he said. It was a lazy Sunday, they could afford to slink next door whenever they wanted. Levi texted his in-laws to let them know he was making tea. While Hange showered, Levi prepared a large pot of tea, put it in his favorite tea cozy and waited for her to join him. Hange had her wet hair pulled into a messy bun, the damp strands stuck to her forehead. And her nose and cheeks and lips were faintly rosy from the shower. She sat next to him with a smile and he held her chin. He pushed her glasses off her nose so they rested on her forehead. He stared into her dark eyes, and ran his thumb over her bottom lip. He wasn’t in a rush to go, especially not with Shawn there. He kissed below her ear and she leaned her head.

“I don’t want to show up at my parents' house with a fresh hickey,” she said. “Plus the tea is going to get cold.”

He stopped. “Can we pick this up later?”

“I’ll be upset if you don’t,” she said. When they went out back, Shawn was leaning on the gate.

“Hey, Zozo and...Levi,” he said. The name was forced, as though he made it a point to try and use his real name and not tease.

“Good morning. I don't know how to react to civility from you,” Levi said.

“I...Just come on,” he said.

“Don't be such a pain,” Hange said. He held out his hands to take the teapot. Levi hesitantly placed the pot in his hands.

“I'm not going to drop it,” he said.

“It's...just my favorite,” Levi said. Shawn raised an eyebrow.

“I see. I'll take good care of it,” he said. Levi held Hange's hand tightly. She squeezed and leaned over to him.

“Shawn is not going to hurt you. I won't let him hurt you. I promise you he's a nice guy. I helped raised him.”

Levi nodded and they entered the house together. Breakfast was delicious. There was oatmeal, eggs, sausage, bacon, and waffles (Shawn and Hange's favorite). Levi served tea afterward and carefully transported his teapot home after the cleanup. By the time he returned, Hange had set up Mario Kart and she and Shawn were waiting for him.

“Zoë, if our goal is for Shawn and me to get along, Mario Kart was not the game to start with,” Levi said.

“It's so much fun!” she said.

“For you,” Levi said.

Hange pulled him over to the couch and handed him a controller.

“Listen, Shawn. Levi's sort of new to video games, but he's an accidental genius. He has no idea what he's doing, but he's freaking good at it.”

“So what does that mean for me?” Shawn asked.

“It means don't get upset with him when he cleans your clock and has no idea what happened.”

“Don't trump me up, I'm terrible at these games,” Levi

“Shut up. I'm still mad you had a winning streak when we played Mike and Nanaba’s house,” Hange said.

Levi snickered and curled up on the couch. He'd play a few games just to appease her. Mario Kart was war, as usual. And as Hange explained to Shawn, Levi was doing a lot of things that really pissed Shawn off. At least with other video games, like Legend of Zelda, Levi had an idea of what was going on, but with Mario Kart, the confusion and frantic pace made it difficult for him to explain what was going on. By the tenth game, Shawn dropped his controller and grabbed his shoulders.

“You’re cheating. I don’t know how, but you’re cheating. Either that or you’re lying about not having played Mario Kart before. How the hell can you be this good?” Shawn asked.

Levi just adjusted his glasses and shrugged. He had no answer to give. Shawn grabbed his hair and screamed.

“Mom! Levi keeps beating me at Mario Kart!” he cried.

“It’s payback for all the times you’ve teased him!” she said.

“You’ve turned my own mother against me! How can you do this!” He asked. Levi only smirked which made Shawn more upset. “All right, Baby Bowser. I’m going to win next round.”

Hange was on the floor laughing. “Stop, I can’t breathe!”

Shawn grabbed his controller with a growl. Levi actually smiled. Shawn won. Finally. And after that he wanted to stop playing. Hange fought to play a little longer, but ultimately they agreed to stop. Shawn grabbed Levi’s arm.

“Come with me,” he said.

“Where—” Levi began.

“Show me the garden. You and Zozo have been working on a garden, show me what you guys do.”

Levi supposed this was all right. He was a little nervous about doing this, it was something he got excited over and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to show this side of himself to Shawn. But he had to get used to the idea of Shawn as family. Family teased. Shawn sat next to him while Levi carefully picked through the plants and described what he did. Shawn even borrowed a pair of gloves and helped out. They were quiet for a while and Levi liked this. Lysol came by and picked her way around both of them, while Windex hovered near Shawn.

“Zozo is happy,” Shawn said finally. Levi glanced over at him and he did not return the look.

“I hope so. I really want her to be,” Levi said.

“I know. I...I’ve never actually liked anyone she’s dated before,” Shawn said.

“Except Mike,” Levi said.

“Well, I’ll be honest, a guy like Mike is kind of my type. So I’m a bit biased,” Shawn said. Levi smirked. “But...I’m sure you know what her other boyfriends did to her. I never liked either of them. And I never knew what I could do to make her happy again when they hurt her. I’ve never known what to do when she’s hurt. Not when she was being teased, not when those guys beat her up, not when her first boyfriend left her and not when her second boyfriend hurt her. I’ve never been able to help her. And it’s hard for me to accept that someone that’s as sour faced as you are is making her happy. I’m jealous that you can comfort her and I’ve never known how.”

Levi furrowed his brows and stared at Shawn.

“Have you ever told her this?” Levi asked. Shawn rubbed his nose and shook his head. Levi sat back on his heels and crossed his arms. “You have helped her. She looks forward to seeing you all the time. She calls you a lot, and you make her smile. You are so valuable to her,” Levi said.

Shawn pulled harshly at a weed. “Just a useless little brother.”

“No. Not useless,” Levi said. “Zoë told me about when you took up skateboarding.” Shawn stopped weeding and gazed at him with wide eyes. “She told me about how you dragged her to the skate park. You brought her a lawn chair, all the snacks you could cram into your backpack. And you unsuccessfully tried to do even the most basic of skateboarding tricks and you kept falling and cursing and trying to play it off. It made her laugh. She laughed for the first time in weeks. You risked bodily harm just to make her smile. I don’t think that’s useless. It is definitely reckless, but not useless. She knows how much you love her.”

Shawn couldn’t look him in the eye for very long. “I have to admit. Levi. I kind of like you. You’re pretty smart. Though I’m going to have to learn your drunken master way of playing Mario Kart.”

Levi snorted and smiled. “Okay, Shaggy.”

“Hey, hey! The guys like the stubble and the hair,” Shawn said and rubbed his chin. “And if I’m Shaggy, are you Scrappy Doo?”

“You take that back!” Levi snapped.

“Never!”

Levi threw a clod of dirt at him. Shawn’s jaw dropped.

“I thought you were a clean freak!” he said.

Levi threw another handful of dirt at him and Shawn threw mud right back. Before either of them could control it, they were chasing each other around the yard throwing dirt and mud at each other. Hange came to the fence with wide eyes.

“I thought I left two adult men back here. How on earth did this even start?” she asked.

“He started it!” Levi and Shawn chorused.

“Well, neither of you are coming in my house all muddy like that,” she said. “I’m going to hose you both down, you’re both going to take a bath,” Hange said.

Shawn hugged her tightly. Hange squeaked a little. She hesitated at first, but wrapped her arms around him.

“I’ll be good,” Shawn said in a defeated tone and released her.

“Well now I’m all dirty...” she said. Shawn threw his arm around Levi.

“Oops, now you both have to take a bath,” he said under his breath. Levi looked up at him and Shawn wiggled his eyebrows. Levi smacked his chest.

“Don’t be rude,” he said. But he was secretly grateful.

* * *

Shawn was going to stay for a while, and Levi was actually excited. Shawn was thinking about moving closer to them and was going to look around for jobs and an apartment. Oluo willingly offered his services.

“I hope that means I’ll move next door to the love of my life, that’d be great,” Shawn said to him over the phone.

Levi was up early weeding, when he heard the gate creek open. Lesley ran over and hugged him.

“I told Gunther and I told Zozo and Shawn, but I really wanted to tell you too, Levi,” she said. “I got an email from my mother and father.”

Levi held her hands. “And?”

“They want to call me. They’re actually very glad I got in contact with them. I found out that I actually have two brothers. Two! They have kids! At least six between the two of them. They live between Britain and India, one of my nieces is studying marine biology in Australia. I can’t believe it...I can’t imagine having more family. I’m so beside myself.”

“I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you finally.”

“They tried so hard to find me. They’d given up by now. I can’t believe after all these years...I’m glad I found them before either of them died. My brothers are excited. I can’t believe it...”

“I’m sure they’re going to love you. And they’ll be proud of you and your family too.”

She wiped her eyes. “Proud of ‘us,’ Levi. You’re part of the family too.”

He nodded and put his head on her shoulder. “We all love you so much.”

Levi closed his eyes. It was nice to know.

 


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Levi and Hange having a lazy Saturday.

Chapter 50

Levi opened his eyes to see Hange. To this day, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Sometimes he was afraid that their life together was all a dream that he would wake up from. He counted his blessings when he saw her sleeping beside him. He put his hand on her shoulder and she groaned.

“It’s the weekend, don’t wake me up,” she said. She rolled over on her back and let out a soft cry. “Ugh, everything hurts.”

Levi inched over to her and nuzzled against her neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Hm...I did ask you to go harder,” she said. She tried to stretch and winced. “My back too...”

“Let me see,” he said.

“It hurts to move...”

“Just let me see your back and I won’t ask you to move again.”

She whined but rolled again so her back was facing him. He lifted her T-shirt and examined her. There was slight bruising all around her lower back, and angry marks in the shape of his fingers all along her hips. He kissed them gently, just brushing his lips against her skin.

“I am so sorry,” he said.

“But it felt so good,” she said. Hange moved herself gently so she could face him. He cupped her cheek.

“Are you okay?” he asked. She nodded. “Don’t just say stuff so I won’t worry. I need to know if I’m doing anything you don’t want. Were you really fine with everything we did last night?”

She nodded. “I told you I feel safe because you listen, and you listened to everything I wanted.”

He held her hand and kissed it.

“You wanted cuddles and aftercare, and I’m not done taking care of you. Are you sore between your legs?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

“I’ll get you some ice, do you think it will help?” he asked.

“Michelle said it helped her after she delivered all her babies, I’m sure it’ll help now,” she said.

“Do you want waffles?” he asked.

“I always want waffles,” she said.

He laughed and held her face as he gently kissed her.

“I’ll be back with your ice. Do you want me to set up a game for you while you wait for breakfast?” he asked.

“Yes. I want Super Smash and we’ll play Chrono Trigger after breakfast,” she said.

He kissed her, longer this time and gently sucked on her bottom lip.

“I love doing nerdy things with you,” he said.

“You like doing dirty things with me too,” she said.

He pressed his forehead against hers. “As long as we’re both willing, nothing we do is dirty or nasty to me.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t think you know how romantic you are.”

“I’m not romantic, Four Eyes.”

She kissed him. “You’re right.”

He didn’t want to leave her, not even a little bit. But the idea that she was hurting and needed help moved him to action. He got out some of the ingredients he needed for breakfast and got the ice pack from the freezer. He grabbed a towel and when he returned she was propped up on her pillows, surrounded by their cats. Windex of course, wanted to be cradled and hugged Hange’s neck while she purred and curled her tail. Clorox curled in a perfect orange ball on her lap and Lysol sat pressed against Hange’s thigh. She smiled as Levi entered.

“I hate to make Clorox and Lysol move, but I really do need that ice,” she said. He smiled and picked Clorox up. He whined and Levi’s heart broke. But taking care of Hange was going to take priority. He wrapped the icepack in the towel and gave it to her. She sighed in relief.

“These kitties and I are going to have to figure out how to arrange ourselves,” she said. “I don’t think I want video games right now. I want to watch Netflix instead,” she said.

“Oh? What were you going to watch?” he said.

“Jem!” she cried.

Levi laughed. “Jem? I kind of remember that, but it doesn’t seem very Hange to me.”

“Oh, my sisters watched it more than I did, but I got sucked in y’know? What’s not to like about an all girl pop rock group and a machine that creates hyper realistic holograms?”

“When you put it that way, it sounds exactly like something you’d watch,” Levi said.

“Next time we’re at Michelle’s or Ariana’s you should see our Jem and the Holograms costumes. Even Mom dressed up! And the boys got in on the action and dressed up like The Misfits.”

“Weren’t there three of them?” Levi asked.

“Dad dressed up too. Everyone thought they were trying to be Twisted Sister which made it even better,” Hange said.

“I can’t believe it. No wait, this is your family, I totally believe it,” Levi said. “Have fun, I’ll be done with breakfast soon.”

He’d made breakfast for her so many times. But he was reminded of the first time she slept over his house, the first time he left Lysol and Windex to comfort her, the time he realized that he wanted to see her every day. He never thought she’d actually be here with him. He made two plates so they could eat together. Hange looked so content when he arrived, Lysol had relocated to her feet, Clorox was now the one pressed against her thigh and Windex had not relinquished her spot in Hange’s arms.

“Food for you,” he said. She grinned.

“It smells wonderful!” she said. She upset the cats yet again and rubbed her hands. As she started to eat she nudged him.

“Hey, it’s our anniversary soon,” she said. “What do you want to do?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t know. It really feels like we were married a long time ago.”

“I know, right? But I honestly felt like we were married before I even asked you,” she said.

“So _when_ do you think we were married?” he asked. She paused in her eating and looked up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know. For a while,” she said.

“Like, when? When you asked me to move in with you?” he asked.

“Before that,” she said. “Well, I guess we could only be married if we both agree. So did you ‘feel’ married before that?”

Levi had to think about it. “Yeah. I did.”

“So it was definitely before that. I don’t want to count anything before we know how we felt about each other. I think being married means that we both understand how the other feels,” she said.

“So...shortly after we told each other how we felt?” he said.

“I think so,” Hange said. “Maybe that’s lame, but we both agreed we were in a relationship and we weren’t seeing each other just for fun.”

“But would you define that as marriage?” he said. “I think there should be a little more involved.”

“Maybe. I’m not arguing that. But...look I’ve been in relationships before, and it felt like at the beginning there was a ‘trial’ period. Like, this could end at any moment. I didn’t feel that with you. Like there’s always the possibility, but from the beginning, I felt far more willing to work things out with you than I ever had with anyone else.”

“So...what you’re saying is from the moment you knew we were both in love with each other, you were willing to fight to make our relationship work?” he said.

Hange blushed and he thought it was terribly adorable.

“Yes. But remember, we’d known each other for a while, we were already friends, and I knew your personality fairly well. I knew whatever we had was worth fighting for,” she said. “I don’t know. What do you think?”

Levi had to think. He was not nearly so aware of how deeply he felt at the beginning of their relationship. He was honestly terrified at the time and in many ways he still was.

“I’ll be honest Hange, when we first started our relationship I was scared. I didn’t really know how I felt other than I knew I loved you,” he said. “I just want you to feel safe. I felt that then and I feel that now.”

Hange rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re being romantic again.”

“Honest. I’m being honest. It’s not the same,” he said. “I knew that there was some basis for our trust and only time would prove it.”

“But most marriages start like that,” she said. “But I do see your point. Maybe there should be a bit more time given to prove that trust was warranted. But if we go by that reasoning, we’re always on some strange testing ground. Trust isn’t just earned and then it’s there forever.”

“True. And I’ll be honest, getting into the relationship alone was a huge show of trust to begin with. At least for me. I’ve never done this before,” Levi said.

“You’re really good at it so far,” she said.

They both became quiet. Hange laughed suddenly and he raised his eyebrows.

“What?” Levi said.

“You started showing yourself trustworthy from the day we met,” she said.

“Zoë...” he said.

“No, no, I’m not saying we’ve been ‘married’ that long, I’m just saying you’ve always done things to make me feel comfortable,” she said.

“If you say so,” he said.

“When _did_ we first meet?” she asked.

“It was late spring because you moved in the summer,” Levi said.

“I’m surprised you remember,” Hange said.

“I remember your grass. It was growing like crazy your first month and was pretty dead a few months later,” he said.

“Late spring...” she mumbled. She dropped her fork. “We were married in late spring!”

Levi narrowed his eyes. She couldn’t possibly—

“No, no, not like that!” she said. “I mean we were _legally_ married late spring of last year! Call Oluo and ask him when he had our appointment to show me the house!” she said.

“Why?” he asked.

“I just wanted to see something!”

“I’ll text him, but he’s probably asleep right now,” he said. He got his phone and started to text him. “I doubt he still has the appointment recorded anywhere. I don’t know what you’re getting at anyway.”

“We might have been married on the same date we met!” she said.

“That’s...highly unlikely...” Levi said.

“It might be, but I want to see if we were!” she said.

Levi would have been more annoyed, but he was genuinely curious. He set his plate aside and lay back on the bed.

“You know, maybe you're right. Maybe we _were_ married when we started our official relationship,” he said.

“You think?”

“It might be stupid and I don’t believe in destiny or anything but...I’ve never felt the need to connect with anyone. I knew I had to connect with you. I wouldn’t have agreed to start the relationship at all if I didn’t feel some degree of commitment already even if it was small at the time.”

“We did grow and change,” Hange said. “There is always the possibility that we could grow differently.”

“True. Can we agree it was a few months after?” he asked.

“I can agree with that,” she said. “But we still have one problem.”

“What is it?”

“You still haven’t told me what you want to do for our anniversary,” she said. He snorted and rolled on his side. Lysol crawled up and rested her head against his chest. He scratched her chin.

“I don’t want to have a party,” he said.

“Yeah. It’s too early in our relationship for parties,” she said. “You want to go away?” she asked.

“But Armin will be coming home soon. I don’t want to leave him so quickly.”

“Okay, so how about we have a nice dinner together. Should we go out?”

“Sure. I like that. I’ll get you something nice.”

“Oh! I know! We can go to a con!”

He smirked. “You want to go to a nerd convention?”

“Yeah! There must be one going on now! We’ll go to a con during the day and go to a fancy restaurant at night!”

“You find one, I’ll make it happen.”

“Can we cosplay?” she asked.

“You have no shortage of costumes,” Levi said.

“No, I said _we_!”

“I don’t feel like it, but I will endorse this,” he said. “What about your Iron Man costume?”

“Eh, I don’t feel like it,” she said. “I’d rather dust off old Legolas. You can be Gimli!”

“No time to make that beard,” he said.

“We could always order one of those cool knit beard hats online! Oh, at least that!” she begged.

He smirked. He was hard pressed to say no.

“Maybe. If you find a convention, I will order one,” he said. She cheered and hugged him.

“Oh...that was a mistake. Moved too quickly,” she said. He scooted closer and put his hand on her hip. She hissed a little.

“Sorry, I forgot,” he said.

“You can leave your hand, just don’t press,” she said. He kissed her neck and jaw.

“I love you,” he said.

“I know.”

He laughed. She always made him laugh.

“We should be Han Solo and Leia,” he said. She sat up quickly.

“Ow...” she said.

“Be careful!” he chided.

“No, that’s a great idea! And you don’t need a lot to do those costumes! Would you do it?” she asked.

He sighed. “Yeah. Why not. I relate to Leia in a lot of ways any way.”

“Like you’re smart and smoking hot,” she said.

“You thought Leia was hot?” he asked.

“I _think_ , Leia is hot. Present tense. Now keep in mind, I wasn’t interested in romance as a child,” she said. “But I always wanted to be with Leia, I never wanted to be her. And Leia in the slave costume made me a touch confused.”

Levi could not contain his mischief. “Would you like your Leia in a slave costume?”

“Oh...well...” she smirked and traced invisible patterns on his chest. “Well it would be pretty hot. But I...I don’t know...”

“I like chains.”

Hange gave him a blank stare that only barely contained the lust that started to burn in her eyes.

“No roleplay. I don’t like the slave play idea at all,” she said.

“I agree. That’s a little weird to me too,” he said.

“But the idea of you willingly in the costume and willingly being chained up kinda does something for me,” she said.

“I like doing things for you,” he said.

She was trying not to smile so big but she smacked him on the arm. “You nerd,” she said.

“I’m your nerd,” he said. “I’m forever your nerd.”

Her face grew a bit distant and she reached for his hand. He held it, running his thumbs over her knuckles. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking of, what he said that made her withdraw so. She was back to him as soon as she left. She kissed his fingers.

“You are,” she said. “Now, give me my laptop so I can find us a convention to go to!”

“Sure thing,” he said.

She made another sudden move, which resulted in more pain. He put the laptop on her lap and put his hands on either side of her face.

“Relax,” he said. “I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

He kissed her forehead. It didn’t feel like they’d been married a year. It didn’t even feel like they’d known each other for only a few years. It felt so much longer for some reason, like she’d been somewhere in the recesses of his mind for decades and was only fully realized in relation to him when she came into his life.

He couldn’t explain this feeling. However long she was with him and however long they’d be together, he did not regret the time he spent with her.

#

Levi put himself at the mercy of Hange’s whims. So he kissed her when asked, carried her around (even when she insisted she could walk on her own). She found a convention that was a day trip away. They agreed that they would go to the con, Levi as Leia and Hange as Han Solo and go out to dinner dressed as themselves, but slightly fancier. Hange even promised to wear that purple dress she’d worn only once.

Hange was less sore in the afternoon than she was in the morning. Enough to shuffle along while they went shopping. Maybe they shouldn’t have, but Levi helped her into a shopping cart and she held their items while he pushed her around. The disapproving look of the employees said this was against policy, but Levi’s angry glare kept them from saying anything. It was just this one time, he wasn’t going to let Hange walk around for too long while she was sore.

It was when they were on their way home that his phone buzzed.

“Check that for me,” he said. Hange did so. She cried out in excitement.

“What?” he said, not taking his eyes off the road.

“Oluo remembered when he showed me the house! He keeps a digital calendar of his schedule,” she said.

“Oh? What day was it?” he asked.

She read the date. He had to pull over. He looked at her over his glasses.

“That’s one day off from our wedding day,” he said.

“I know!” she said. “It’s so cool!”

Levi was stunned. It didn’t mean anything, they both knew this. But it was a pretty interesting coincidence.

“It’s the anniversary of when Windex decided to make you one of her humans and rub her scent all over you,” he said.

She grabbed him and kissed him, searching and deep, the sort of kiss that tickled his chest and stomach and left him feeling slightly weak afterward. The feel of her lips against his and the way their tongues mingled almost made him cry.

“I love you,” she whispered. He was too overcome with some emotion to say anything back. He stole a kiss from her. Was it stealing if she was willing to give?

“We can’t make out on the side of the road,” she said. He wanted to, but she was right.

“Let’s go home,” he said. “You’ll be more comfortable there anyway.”

He would take her home, kiss her thoroughly, hold her for a bit and maybe make them some dinner. And he was happy to do this. He couldn’t tell himself from four years ago that he’d be doing something like this, that he would be content and happy with one person, that he’d renew his friendships, that he’d be okay with his father, but he was. He was all those things and more.

And he’d never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if couples actually do this.


	51. Chapter 51

Armin returned with decent grades, and Internet famous at least within the confines of his campus. Apparently, his amusing videos on the very basics of science helped a few of his classmates study for exams.

“I don’t really want to be famous. I just want to help people learn,” Armin said. Levi respected that wish. During the summer, Leigh was going to be filming an intro to theoretical physics with her brother. So Armin would only film one segment and he was flying out to California in a few weeks to film with Leigh and Samson. He’d be back in time to go camping as usual. Armin was working as a lab assistant at Hange’s lab under Moblit. Moblit, who had long since became an official employee of the university, took the responsibility of guiding Hange’s ward as a huge privilege. Levi was proud of how far Armin had gotten.

Little by little, Armin’s old friends came back to town. Annie stopped by for lunch, Bertholdt and Reiner picked him up to play soccer, and of course, Mikasa and Eren were over almost every day.

Eren always hovered awkwardly around Levi even when he was younger, but lately, it seemed like he was doing so way more than usual. He wasn’t going to address it right away. It wasn’t pressing, so he wasn’t going to over think it. It was nice to wake up to the Mikasa, Eren and Armin chatting over breakfast.

One morning was slightly odd. Mikasa and Eren had not yet arrived. Levi came to the kitchen and saw only Hange and Armin sitting at the table. Levi nodded good morning to them and poured himself a cup of tea.

“Is it just me, or has Dr. Jaeger been on edge lately?” Hange said.

“I wasn’t going to say it. When I stopped by his office to drop off the results of your testing, he interrogated me about everything I was doing, and what I studied, and he wanted to know why I was making videos, and he wanted to watch them.”

“Oh, so that’s why he came by my office to tell me he thought that your videos were a waste of time and that you should be focusing on your studies,” Hange said. “I told him your grades were fine and you weren’t stressed out so I wasn’t worried. He kind of gave me this weird look and said ‘Be careful, you never know what your children are up to.’”

Armin sighed. “I think this is all about Eren. Eren’s been really odd too.”

Levi joined them at the table. He couldn’t quite feign indifference. He was worried about Eren. “He’s been really subdued. That’s not like him. I know he’s been staying over Mikasa’s a lot. Mikasa isn’t sure what’s wrong either, he won’t talk,” Armin continued.

“Is he working?” Levi asked.

“Yeah. He trained to be a paramedic and he’s been doing that since he’s gotten back.”

“Wow, so he was taking all his college courses _and_ training to be a paramedic? That’s impressive,” Hange said.

Levi narrowed his eyes. Immediately he had a few questions, but he couldn’t know anything until he spoke with Eren. He’d have to wait until they crossed paths again.

* * *

He didn’t have to worry about when that would happen. That afternoon, just as Levi arrived home from work, Eren was waiting. He was in his EMT uniform, sitting on their porch glaring at his boots. Levi stopped in front of him. Eren stood up and kept his head down.

“What’s going on?” Levi asked. More like demanded, but the option not to talk was implied.

“Levi...” Eren paused. He looked up, tears of rage lingering in his eyes. “Levi I don’t want to go back to college. I hate it.”

Levi motioned for him to follow him into the house. Eren seemed to be sorting through his more violent emotions, but he still stopped to take off his shoes at the door. He sat at the counter as Levi prepared tea. Levi slid him a mug and sat next to him.

“I love doing emergency work. I like being a paramedic. It's a step toward my real goal. I want to become a firefighter. I think I’ll be really good. But my father...he thinks without a degree, I’m nothing. But I’ll have a career. It won’t be fancy or get me all that scholarly bullshit he likes, but I’ll be helping people! I’ll help them in a real, tangible way. I don’t need to be a hero but...”

“I think that’s a really admirable thing. I think you’ve got an amazing goal,” Levi said.

Eren put his head on his folded arms. “But my grades aren't that impressive. Not to my father's standards at least. He won’t listen to me when I tell him why and what my goals are. Maybe I should have told him sooner, he did pay a lot of money for me to go to school. But the EMT training I paid for myself. It was expensive, but I paid for it.”

Levi put his arm around Eren.

“Your father wants the best for you. I’m sure of it. To him, the best is a promising career in science. You just have a different career in mind. I think there is a way to tell him in a way he’ll understand.”

“I’m scared. I’ve never been able to make him happy. He’s always been comparing me to Armin. I love Armin, he’s my best friend. But I can’t stand it. I’m not him. Armin’s brilliant. I’m just dumb as rocks.”

“You’re not. You’re smart in a different way. I’ll help you.”

“How, Levi? He doesn’t listen to anyone.”

Eren furrowed his brows. Levi just patted his arm. “Finish your tea.”

* * *

Levi went to Hange’s campus, for once not aiming to see Hange. He went straight to Dr. Jaeger’s office no fanfare. He knew not to be announced, lest Grisha worm out of talking to him. Needless to say, he was a bit surprised when Levi entered his office.

“Levi. Good to see you. I will be honest, I have no idea why you’re here, and I have plenty to do so—”

“It’s about Eren,” Levi said.

“Oh. I see. He’s been a handful lately. You’ve always been able to talk some sense to him. Tell him to straighten up his grades, pick a major, and _do_ something with his life.”

“He’s got a plan. He’s chosen to become a paramedic.”

“Oh, so he told you that,” Grisha said with a roll of his eyes. “You mean I’m to accept that my son is going to drive an ambulance for the rest of his life?”

“His end goal is to be a firefighter.”

Dr. Jaeger returned to his papers. “No son of mine is going to do a common man’s job.”

Levi sat in the chair across from his desk and crossed his legs.

“There is nothing common about firefighters. Nothing. A firefighter is the reason I'm sitting here with you today,” Levi said. Dr. Jaegar fell silent and shuffled his papers aimlessly. He didn't make eye contact. “I took the liberty of calling his supervisors. There was one in the college town he was in, and one here.”

“And? What’s there to report other than he’s brilliant at turning on flashing lights?” Dr. Jaegar asked.

“He’s saved at least seven patients from dying of cardiac arrest. He kept a child from bleeding to death. He’s helpful to everyone he’s worked with. He’s comforted elderly people when they’ve broken bones, or had a stroke. He’s helped to deliver a baby. He’s already impacted the lives of so many people.”

Dr. Jaeger rolled his eyes.

“Plus the amount of medical knowledge he has to have just to do his job is amazing. And he has to continue his schooling so he can do more. The point is, Grisha, that if your heart gave out right now, the person who would be the most effective help isn’t me, or even Armin, but your son. And I can’t even imagine what kind of good he will do if he becomes a fire fighter. Eren is a hands on hero. He’s different from you. That is something you have to accept.”

Dr. Jaeger grimaced and folded his hands. Levi stood up.

“I can see you’re upset. I’ll leave before I need to be shown out,” he said. “And do Eren a favor. Stop comparing him to Armin. They’re both their own people and they’re best friends. I’d it like to stay that way.”

Grisha shot him a glare. Levi didn’t think he’d done much to help, but Grisha needed a new perspective, one given somewhat calmly and not by a screaming eighteen year old. Levi knew Eren was capable of explaining himself well, but Levi understood that somehow, with parents all that maturity could break down very quickly.

As Levi left, Armin approached. He looked so at home in a lab coat. Levi smiled and Armin managed a grin.

“Hey, ah...talking with Dr. Jaeger?”

“Yes. And I’m going to be honest. You’d best give that to Moblit or another intern. Grisha is steaming and I don’t want you to walk in on that.”

“I take it he’s not happy about Eren...”

“Yeah. And I told him to stop comparing you two.”

“I asked him to stop doing that years ago. He’s been comparing us since we were kids. I used to make it a point to tell Eren not to invite me over when we got our report cards. I didn’t want him to make Eren feel bad. Eren’s just...” Armin’s shoulder’s slumped. “We were sixteen. We snuck out of our houses and we went swimming at the public pool when we shouldn’t have. Mikasa slipped and almost drowned. I was paralyzed. But Eren was a lifeguard that summer. He knew exactly what to do to help her. We got home. No one knew what happened but us. He saved us from disaster. He’s always saving everyone. When Annie had a panic attack, he was right there, and he knew how to calm her down and asked if she had medication and had me get it for her. When Reiner broke his arm he was ready to help him out. He’s just always been there for you. He’s a real hero.”

The door to Dr. Jaeger’s office creaked open. Grisha looked at both of them, a look of fatigue on his features were before there was stern industriousness.

“I’ll take those reports, Armin,” he said. Armin nodded and handed them over. The door closed and Levi and Armin exchanged glances. Levi hugged him.

“I’m so proud of you. I don’t care what you do, I’m proud of you,” Levi said. Armin hugged him.

“I know. I love you too,” he said.

“Did you have lunch?” Levi asked.

“No.”

“Get Hange. I’m taking both of you out,” he said.

“Oh, you’ll have to come with me. She’s really difficult when in the middle of an experiment.”

Levi smirked. “I’ll carry her out myself.”

* * *

Eren was sitting at the breakfast table with Armin. Levi was about to say good morning, but Eren rushed over and hugged him.

“Dad wants to talk,” Eren said. Levi hugged him.

“Just remember, keep calm,” Levi said. Eren nodded. “No matter how upset he makes you, don’t scream. If you get upset and raise your voice, apologize and ask to talk again when you’ve calmed down. He’s going to make you pissed off, I’m telling you now.”

Eren laughed bitterly. “He always does.”

“He loves you, though. In his own way, he loves you,” Levi said. “And if after all that talking he doesn’t get you, just know I’m proud of you.” Eren didn’t say anything. Levi squeezed him a little. “You’re going to be fine.” Eren nodded, but didn’t let him go. “You’ll feel better if I make you a cup of tea.”

He finally released Levi. Armin put his arm around Eren as Levi prepared him a cup. He set it before Eren. Eren did not touch it, he pressed the ball of his palm against his eye and clenched his other hand tightly. Levi grabbed his fist and held it in both his hands.

“I don’t know if this is the beginning or the end,” Eren said softly.

“We’ll be here for you,” Armin said.

Eren nodded and wiped harshly at his tears. He unclenched his fist so he could hold Levi’s hands. He didn’t make eye contact with either of them, but Levi could see the fire in his eyes. He was strong. Levi was certain that for Eren, this was the beginning of something great.

“If your father disowns you, you come right back here and stay with us. You’ll be our second son,” Levi said. Eren didn’t say anything, he just hugged Levi. He’d have to consult with Hange, but he was sure she’d agree.

But if Levi was pushed, he’d have to admit, Eren already was his son.


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was much easier to push through her exhaustion when she had something to look forward to. Halloween was certainly diverting her attention. Her costume was arrived in good time and she giggled as she ran her hands over the yellow jumpsuit. Though this was primarily for herself, she wondered what Levi would think of her when she finally put it on? She giggled.

Armin and Mikasa left for their second year of college. Eren was staying behind. He was going to be enrolled in another round of paramedic training, this time so he could be certified to do more. It would take at least two years to finish. In the meantime, in addition to his regular job as a paramedic and his schooling, he signed up to become a volunteer fire fighter. Grisha still was not entirely happy, but quietly allowed him to go on with his plans. Eren was allowed to stay at home with little argument.

Hange found Armin’s absence this time around a lot less painful, but she still missed him. And she soothed her pain with Levi’s affection, both physical and otherwise. Who had time for tears, when Levi was pressing kisses against her neck every morning?

It seemed all too soon before Halloween was rolling around. This year the party responsibilities came to the Jaegers. Hange was excited, but she was also beyond exhausted all the time. She hadn’t been this tired since college. But this time around she was doing everything “right.” She was eating regularly, sleeping early, bathing every day, taking vitamins, exercising, the works. Moblit was astonished at her recent healthy behavior. Levi just seemed glad to have her home and curled up in his arms at a reasonable hour of the night.

It was on one such night that he stirred her awake.

“Hey. You all right?” he asked. She blinked up at him.

“Yeah. I was just sleeping,” she said.

“It’s seven thirty.”

“Holy shit...” she said as she rubbed her eyes. “I can’t stay awake, though. I’m just so sleepy.”

“You have been working hard these past few months. Maybe it’s all catching up to you,” Levi said.

She hummed and rested her cheek on his chest.

“I also feel really gross all the time,” she said.

“I’m sorry. Maybe you're sick?” he said.

“Nah, nothing’s really wrong, I just feel really gross. I don’t even know how you can look at me,” she said.

“You’re not any more gross than usual. You could just be burnt out. Maybe you need a change of pace?”

“That’s a fair assessment,” she said. She maybe felt like she needed something exciting. The party coming up might be a good time to blow off steam. The party! She sat up and grinned brightly.

“You got an idea?” he said.

“I want to be April O’Neal for Halloween,” she said. He smirked and held her cheek.

“Can I be Casey Jones?” Levi asked.

“Of course! Oh, do you think Armin would want to be a Ninja Turtle?” she asked.

Levi chuckled. “I’m sure he would.”

She grinned and kissed him. “It’s the closest to a sexy Halloween costume I’ve ever gotten.”

“A yellow jumpsuit. That is pretty damn sexy,” he said. She crawled over him so her chest was pressed against his, her legs splayed lazily over his hips.

“I’m going to need help getting out if it, y’know,” she said.

“I know,” he said.

“Are you going to help me?”

His hand slid to the small of her back. “It is a tempting possibility.”

She kissed his neck and his hands slid to her ass and he squeezed.

“Just know, no matter how gross you are, I think you're pretty hot,” he whispered. He kissed her shoulder. She giggled and wiggled her hips a bit. He moved his hands to thread through her hair. His lips hovered over hers.

“I want you so bad,” he said. Hange bit her lip and groaned. He rolled so they were both on their sides, facing each other. She shivered as he ran his hands gently down her face. She ran her hands down his sides and slipped her hands under his shirt so she could feel the warmth of his skin. She reached into his pants to tease him a bit. He closed his eyes and threw his head back a little.

“Straight to the point, tonight, huh?” he said.

“I need you to be as worn out as I am so we can both go to sleep,” she said. Levi was not to be out done, he knew where her spots were. She whined a little and rocked her hips.

“Who's going to be wearing out who?” Levi said, his voice dangerously husky.

“Ungh...whom...” she said. His stopped and Hange kicked her legs. “Finish me!”

“You're seriously giving me grammar lessons while I'm fingering you?” he said.

“Forget what I said, finish me!” she begged.

“You're very mischievous Dr. Hange,” he said. She growled and rocked her hips. He stroked her a bit and she let out a wanton moan.

“Or should I say Officer Hange of the Grammar Police?” he said.

“I'll stop cracking jokes, just...ah” she begged.

“I'll give you a whole new grammar lesson,” he said. “You're only going to communicate in moans.”

She bit her lip. “Levi...” she gasped.

“Already adding to the dictionary, Officer Hange,” he said. He kissed her neck and she moved her head so he could have better access. Hange had become insatiable lately, but she was equally as horny when Armin left this time last year. She surrendered herself to Levi's touches. At least she didn't feel as gross when he touched her, and she felt a weird degree of power seeing him bite his lip, and when his fingers dug into her hips, and his hungry kisses. She liked knowing he lusted after her so much. And even better were the soft kisses before and after. He coaxed another moan out of her.

“I love you,” she said.

“I'll accept those words as additions to our vocabulary,” he said. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his breath against her skin. She didn't have to hear him to know he said that he loved her too.

* * *

She slept until noon the next day. She tried to jump out of bed but she had no energy. Levi did not push her to wake up, but she could hear his quiet chuckles as he texted all morning. Hange finally woke up, ready to face what was left of the day.

“We’ve got to let Armin know about our Halloween costume,” she said.

“Taken care of,” Levi said.

“Already?”

“I’ve been up since nine. I texted Armin already. He said he’d join in.”

“Oh, fun! So we have to get the other turtles,” she said.

“Done. Armin is going to be Donatello, Leigh and Samson wanted to join in the fun so they’ll be Mikey and Leonardo respectively, Eren wanted to be Raphael, and Mikasa wanted to be The Shredder. Mike and Nanaba will be Bebop and Rocksteady. All done while you were asleep.”

“Nice. Did you get to talk to Leigh and Samson yourself?” she asked.

“No. They were working on scripts this morning, so he just asked them.”

“Oh. Thank you. I’m really excited!” Hange said.

She loved Armin’s show so far. Samson had her in stitches and there were a lot of things she wasn’t familiar with. Theoretical physics was something she liked but hadn’t studied deeply. He seemed so animated about his subject, and his explanations were colorful. She could tell his original scripts had to have been more obtuse, but perhaps his sister (or Armin) got him to make it a touch more accessible to others. Hange felt Samson would end up doing one of two things: creating a real life transporter machine, or possibly transcend humanity and become a being along the lines of Q from Star Trek.

Leigh was very good at editing and shooting the videos, and seemed to be getting more professional over time. Armin said she had also been working on some student films and what he saw so far was pretty impressive. Hange was interested in meeting them someday.

She looked forward to at least pictures. She hugged Levi’s waist. She was still feeling awful, but Levi’s planning made her feel better. He squeezed her and nuzzled his nose against her hair.

“Love you,” she whispered.

He squeezed her. “I just want you to have fun.”

“If you’re with me, I’ll always have fun,” she said.

She could tell by the way he held her he was being protective. There was nothing to worry about, she was sure. But she appreciated his concern and all the caresses and touches she received in the meantime.

* * *

It was much easier to push through her exhaustion when she had something to look forward to. Halloween was certainly diverting her attention. Her costume was arrived in good time and she giggled as she ran her hands over the yellow jumpsuit. Though this was primarily for herself, she wondered what Levi would think of her when she finally put it on? She giggled.

Levi returned from grocery shopping with a hockey mask on his face. She when she came downstairs to help him with the bags.

“You know everyone is going to think I’m Michael Meyers,” he said.

“I’ll know the truth,” she said. He lifted the mask so he could see her. She kissed his forehead. “You’re the nicest bad boy I’ve ever known.”

He snorted and shook his head. “I’ll be your Casey Jones for sure then.”

She hugged him close. Halloween would be fun this year.

She drove off to work, abuzz with excitement. And work was uneventful until she tried to get home. It had started to rain and her tire blew. She got out of the car, cursing and dragged the spare out so she could replace it. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t done before, but it was annoying to do. She was now wet, angry, and tired. And she had to cook dinner tonight and she had no idea what to make. Levi was at the kitchen table and almost dropped his tablet as she entered the house. He got up and came to the mudroom.

“What happened to you?” he said.

“My tire blew. I replaced it myself,” she said.

“You’re soaked,” he said.

“I know. And I feel like I’m covered in grime,” she said. Normally that wasn’t a problem, normally she didn’t care. But she couldn’t shake a lingering feeling of being utterly disgusting. He took her jacket and helped her out of her wet things.

“I’m going to make you tea. Take a shower, get warm,” he said. “Don’t worry about dinner tonight. I’ll make it.”

“But—”

“I told you what I was going to do. Now I’m going to do it,” he said. She knew the discussion was over. She felt a little guilty.

“I’ll make dinner tomorrow,” she said.

“Fair enough, now go get dry before you get sick!” he said. Hange knew Levi was overly preoccupied with her health, so she smirked and went upstairs. The hot shower was welcoming, and she put on her favorite pajamas, the ones that Levi had given her for their honeymoon. She got a fancier robe to wear with it, since her old ratty one was no longer good enough to go along with it.

She came downstairs, the oven was going, Levi was sitting on the couch with two cups of tea before him. She plopped beside him and picked up her cup. It had cinnamon and cream, and most of all hot. Just what she needed. He gazed at her with veiled concern.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Fine,” she said.

“Of course,” he said softly. He smoothed the wet hair away from her face and she smiled. Maybe he was an attempting to get her temperature, but she didn’t care. She liked being touched. As if she knew when Hange was being given more attention than her, Windex yowled. She crawled onto Hange’s lap. Lysol was content to be left alone and sat on the floor in front of the television. Clorox settled for Levi. She scooted closer and pressed her forehead against his.

“You’re so cool,” she said.

“Don’t...” he said. She could feel his face flushing, the heat rising from his skin. Levi didn't blush easily but if you praised him enough, he'd turn adorably red and she loved it. He groaned in protest as she kissed the tip of his nose.

“You’re so kind,” she whispered. She kissed his pink cheeks. She laughed. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

“You always fluster me,” he said.

“I’m not apologizing for that.”

She nuzzled against his neck and he pulled her closer.

“Not in front of the cats,” he said.

“We’ve done way worse in front of the cats,” she said. “I just want a kiss.”

He pecked her lips quickly. She hadn’t expected it and she laughed.

“You make me laugh, too!” she said. She cuddled Windex who purred as she wormed her way up to Hange’s shoulder and nosed her neck.

“She’s so affectionate lately,” Hange said. Lysol lumbered over and took her place on Hange’s lap. Hange scratched her ears. Two sets of purrs vibrated her body. She giggled uncontrollably.

“It tickles,” she said.

“It’s their way of healing you,” he said. Clorox was asleep on Levi’s chest. While Hange loved all the kitty love she was getting, she wanted to trade places with Clorox. Levi’s warmth was something she wanted more than anything.

“I’ll hold you later tonight,” he said, as though reading her thoughts. “But we have to work through Majora’s Mask together.”

She clapped her hands. “Of course!”

* * *

Hange tried to fight it, but trying to deny the truth was only making it worse. She was sick. Wildly so. She had a fever. Thankfully, it did not get dangerously high, but she was uncomfortable and miserable. Levi was a faithful nurse, like he’d never been before. Usually he avoided her when she was sick, keeping his attention to fetching things for her and asking about her wellbeing from the door. This time around, he hovered around, and was hands on about making sure she was comfortable, fed, and taking her medicine. And she’d never had so much tea in her life.

But she was glad to get Levi’s attention and she was lost to him when he’d run a cool rag along her face, neck, and shoulders. She would have done anything he asked when he was finished. He was very quiet about his concern, he didn’t scold her about getting sick, but she could see his worry in the way his mouth twitched. She wanted to tell him not to worry, but she knew he’d continue even if she said something about it.

But every night, no matter how snotty she was, they would play through Majora’s Mask together. She was comfortably between his legs, her back pressed against his stomach. She slid down far enough so he could rest his chin on top of her head. She sniffled and wiped her nose and gave hints while he played. She couldn’t wait to sucker him into playing Mario RPG.

She kept trying to help Levi play, but very often, she’d fall asleep before he finished. He'd tuck her in and kiss her good night. She couldn't think of a better way to fall asleep.

* * *

She didn’t recover in time to go to the Halloween party, but she defiantly put her on April O'Neil costume anyway. She was still coughing, still exhausted, and still wheezy. Levi decided to go to the party briefly and come straight home to her. She insisted he didn’t have to, but he stuck to his plan. She waited for him to return, settling in to watch “Legend.” When he returned, she was excited. So excited, she didn’t even pause the movie and met Levi at the door. He grinned and squeezed her tightly.

“You beat Windex to the door. I wasn’t gone that long,” he said.

“I know,” she said. “Come, come! The movie isn’t over!”

“I’m picking next, you promised,” he said. He left his hockey stick at the door, lifted his mask, and took off his boots. He plopped on the couch next to her and put his feet up. She hugged him and snuggled against his chest.

“Did you get Armin’s picture?” she asked.

“Yes. The guy’s cute,” he said.

“So is the girl.”

“Did he ask her out yet?”

“No. I think he should take a page out of your book and just kiss her and see what happens,” Hange said.

“That’s not the most effective way of doing that,” he said.

“Well, it certainly got my attention,” she said. “And here we are today.”

He put his hand on her forehead. “You feeling better?”

She smiled. “A bit. I might be better by Sunday.”

“All right.”

“What’s your movie?”

“Monster Squad.”

She grinned. “Hell yeah! I knew I married the right person!”

She had indeed.


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Merry Christmas,” he whispered. She could sense the worry that lingered in his voice. She was grateful he did not press her.

Ariana hosted Christmas that year. Hange could not have been more excited to see her family. Michelle had her new baby boy and she’d only seen the wriggly little bean of a child in pictures and through video calls. She wanted to actually hold her little nephew. This baby was unlike the other siblings, Michelle said he was distinctly quieter and while very fidgety, was much more subdued. He rarely cried other than necessary. He was an overall very calm child. Hange was already in love.

Armin was home, and was eager to ask Hange for ideas for his web show. It was gradually moving from general science topics to the science behind stunts in movies, somewhere between Mythbusters and a mini documentary show. Hange was overjoyed. Armin would cover the more biology and Samson covered more physics, while they often found themselves teaming up for chemistry. They seemed to make up for what the other lacked when it came to that aspect of science.

“I’d love to meet them some day,” Hange said. “Have them come over for spring break or a long weekend. You guys can film here.”

“That would be awesome!” Armin said. “I know you’ll love Leigh. She’s amazing. And Samson’s so much fun. In fact...they both seem like your children, if I’m honest.”

Hange laughed. “What are their parents like?”

“They only have their mother really, they never explained what happened to their father,” he said. “She’s from Australia. Leigh said she liked sitting near me because my accent comforted her a bit. It’s her first time away from her mom for so long.”

“That’s really sweet,” Hange said.

“They’ll love you and Levi, I know,” Armin said. Hange held him close as they relaxed together. Levi entered.

“I think a picture of you two like this should have been our Christmas card,” he said.

“I liked the cats, though,” Armin said.

Levi brought them both hot chocolate. Hange sipped hers right away, but Armin languished with his head on her chest. Armin always cuddled with her like this when he was feeling especially lonely. She supposed every holiday season without his grandfather was lonely. She ran her fingers through his hair.

Levi sat on the floor while he surfed the Internet. Hange slipped in and out of sleep, while Armin was knocked out completely. He drooled on her and she tried to stifle her laughter.

“He’s out cold,” she said.

“College does that to you,” he said.

“Don’t I know it. And he’s making this show and everything. He’s working so hard,” she said. Armin sighed in his sleep and held her tighter. Levi looked over his shoulder at them and smiled warmly. Levi had this soft, vulnerable and warm side, and he frequently gave her and Armin these tender looks sometimes and they melted her completely. He was giving them both one now, though Armin was not conscious for it. He ran the back of his hand against Armin’s cheek.

“He needs to wash his hair. It’s tangled,” he said.

s

“Well, we could ambush him and wash it right now,” she said. His soft expression became distant for a moment before the warmth returned and he chuckled.

“Maybe,” he said.

She tried not to picture Levi looking so lovingly at a baby. It was not the time for them. Levi did not resist the idea so strongly lately, perhaps reconciling with his father relaxed him a bit. Maybe he was a little less afraid. She found it admirable that he was realistic at the very least. But he was such a wonderful person and so loving and warm in his own way it was hard not to picture him cradling a tiny baby. She didn’t care where it came from, if they adopted it, if she carried it herself. She loved his tender moments and children seemed to make them linger.

It was hard not to picture his real smiles at his baby’s face. It was hard to stop her heart from racing thinking about Levi softly cooing and speaking to his baby. Yes, babies were glorified shit machines that could reach inhuman volumes if provoked. She’d been around babies and small children to know they were not glorious little cherubs. But she and Levi were not scions of perfection. Their children would not be. Armin certainly was not perfect, nor did they expect him to be. But if all went fairly well, they would love each other.

Levi cupped her cheek.

“You okay?” he asked.

She nodded. His look for her was more than just warm, it was a touch sultry. The light cast from his computer illuminated his skin in such a way that made her heart beat a little quicker.

“You sleep as much as Armin does. I worry about you sometimes,” he said.

“I’m just working too hard,” she said.

“Well, Moblit’s moving up in the world, make him do more work,” he said. He was right. If Hange were honest, Moblit had told her on more than one occasion that he was worried about her. She’d fallen asleep in her office more often than usual.

“Maybe I have mono,” she said. “But that can’t be it, because you would have gotten it too.”

“No. I’ve had mono before,” he said.

She laughed. “That makes sense. You like kissing, it’s the kissing disease.”

Levi only smiled faintly.

“Well, you've had 'mono' for over two and a half months,” he said.

Hange didn't know what to say to that. He gave her a tired sigh. She kissed his hand and he squeezed hers. The least she could do was take care of herself for his sake.

* * *

Everyone rode together to Ariana’s house. Levi and her father sat together up front, Hange, Armin, and her mother in the back. Hange slept most of the way, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder. Sensing Hange’s exhaustion, her mother was her shield when they arrived, knowing no one would dare throw snowballs at her. Hange barely said hello to anyone before she was asleep in Gavin’s room sprawled out on his construction worker comforter while Levi set up their air mattress. Armin was outside waging an all-out assault on the other grandchildren. The sound of his shouts relaxed her a little. Levi set about unpacking quietly. Hange felt the weight of his body as he sat on the bed next to her. She opened her eyes to look up at him. He held her face, frowning slightly in concern. She held his hand against her cheek and closed her eyes.

“Are you really okay?” he asked.

“I’m just sleepy, that’s all,” she said.

He took a deep breath. “You don’t have a fever. You don’t feel nauseous or anything? You haven’t been throwing up and trying to hide it from me?”

She shook her head. “Nope. Everything’s fine.”

“No headaches? Any pain?” he asked.

“No. Not really.”

“Not really?”

“Not more than usual. Sore after training with Nanaba, headaches when I don’t sleep enough.”

“That’s the problem, you sleep a lot. Way more than usual. I’m starting to get scared.”

She pulled him down so he could rest his forehead against hers.

“I’m fine. I’m just overworked. I have the entire winter vacation to relax and regain my energy,” she said.

He looked away and Hange felt his hands get a bit clammy.

“Maybe...you...” He shook his head and wrapped his arms around her. “Can we make a deal? And you have to promise you’ll follow through.”

“I want to hear first so I can make sure I can live up to the promise.”

“I’ll give you until the end of your winter vacation. You need to promise me you’ll take it easy. If I don’t see you improve, please go to the doctor. I don’t want to find out that you have something serious and we ignored the symptoms.”

“I’m only tired.”

He rubbed his cheek against hers. “I know. But...please tell me if anything else is wrong. Even if you think it’s stupid. It’s not stupid to me. Are you cold at all?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“There’s a blanket in my bag if you need it. Are you hungry?”

“Not right now.”

“All right. I’m going to go outside and join the snowball fight. If you feel up to it, come play with us.”

“I will. And stop treating me like I’m sick. Nothing’s wrong.”

“I just keep imagining you having some sort of cancer.”

Hange laughed. “I’m sure I don’t have cancer.”

“I can't help but think that...I'm just worried, that's all.”

“I'm fine!” she said. Levi moved away from the circle of her arms and frowned. He was not convinced. “Well, even if I did have a terrible disease, I’m not going to be dead if you leave the room. Go have fun, I just want to sleep a little more.”

He nodded and put on his hat and gloves. She lay on her side and smiled at him. He paused at the door and glanced over his shoulder at her before he went outside. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

Hange felt someone smoothing her hair. It was familiar and soft, but not Levi. She blinked a bit and opened her eyes to her mother. Hange smiled and stretched a little.

“How are you feeling, my baby?” she asked. Hange sat up and put her forehead on her mother’s shoulder.

“I’m just a little sleepy,” Hange said.

“You’ve been sleeping for three hours,” she said.

Hange frowned. “I missed the snowball fight, then...”

“You’re about to miss dinner. I’m worried about you,” she said. Hange groaned and moved to get out of bed.

“You and Levi have been comparing notes, haven’t you?” Hange said.

“We have. Your father too. Armin hasn’t caught on yet, but he’ll probably say something too,” her mother said.

“Ugh, my period’s probably coming. And you know how much I work,” she said.

“I know. Maybe dinner will help you wake up a little. All the kids are looking for you,” she said.

“Oh, is the baby awake?” Hange asked.

“He’s more awake than you are.”

Hange tore down the hall and stairs to find Michelle. She was sitting in the living room while everyone was sipping their hot chocolate.

“Well, there you are!” she said. “David has been waiting to drool all over his Zozo for a long time!”

Hange held out her arms for her nephew and Michelle handed him over. He was already fat and had large, dark eyes. He was just as fidgety as she’d seen in their video calls, he stared at her face with his little mouth hanging open, and gripped her shirt. She dabbed at the drool on his chin. He cooed and babbled a bit.

“It’s nice to finally see you!” she said. He let out a little scream and lurched forward. She kissed his fat cheek. He made a strange gurgle and Hange laughed. She fawned over her nephew, until Levi came over. He picked David up and sat next to her.

“You’ve had him long enough, it’s my turn,” he said. David did not cry or fuss with Levi. He just carried on his own babbling like not much happened, but he reached for Hange’s hair and clothes. It was as though he were attempting to explain to Levi why he wanted to stay with her.

“I don’t blame you,” Levi said. “She’s the best and only Zozo you’re going to have. I’m just another uncle, that’s not special at all.”

David was interested, as though he understood what Levi was saying. He smiled with all his gums and wiggled his little body in excitement.

“He’s antsy with you,” Hange said. Levi said nothing, his tender smile said all. Hange felt that strange warmth that spread all over her (and highlighted her fatigue). She rested her cheek on Levi’s shoulder. David touched (more like slapped) her face.

“Don’t hit,” Levi said gently. David turned his attention to Levi.

“I think he likes your eyes,” Hange said.

“They’re not all that interesting,” he said.

“Well, he’s got a family full of people with predominantly dark eyes. He’s going to be fascinated by Armin’s blue and your grey,” Hange said.

Levi snorted but David shrieked to get his attention.

“I was just talking to my Zoë,” Levi said. “You talked to her already.”

Hange closed her eyes again. She didn’t know why she was so tired. The smell of hot chocolate under her nose made her wake again. Armin was there with a cup of hot chocolate.

“I put a little coffee in it, since you’ve been so tired,” he said.

“What is wrong with all of you? I’m fine!” she said. “If I hear one more comment about how tired I am, I’m going to prove you all wrong by challenging you to a light saber battle!”

“Zozo, you look tired!” Shawn cried from across the room.

“Shawn, you’re dead as soon as I finish my hot chocolate!” she said.

“Stalling for time, that’s all,” Shawn said.

Hange put her mug down. “Oh, you’ve gone and done it now!”

She went to get her light saber. Shawn followed her up the stairs, giggling as he went.

“I’ll see you outside!” she declared. She felt a rush of energy, where before she just wanted to curl up under the covers and wait until Levi eased beside her for some much needed cuddles. But that was to wait until she’d beaten Shawn. She smirked at him as they met in the hall.

“You may have won the state fencing championship, but you’ll never defeat me,” she said.

He clucked his tongue. “You haven’t beaten me in years.”

“I won’t give up!”

They went outside and Hange turned on her saber. Shawn was ready and eager to fight, as he usually was. He liked a good challenge. Hange knew he was a much better fighter. He settled into a stance.

“You know I could train you, Zozo,” he said.

“You talk about training now, when I’m ready to kick your ass?” she said. Shawn laughed.

“We’ll see,” he said.

On the plus side, she was in good shape and boxing with Nanaba and Mike every week made the fight easier. On the other hand, Shawn was good and as much as she hated to admit it, the burst of energy she felt was short lived and she was tired. Shawn was landing a lot of hits that he normally wouldn’t have gotten. Next thing she knew, she had fallen backwards into a snow bank and Shawn was bringing his saber down for a hit. It never connected, Ariana rushed in and blocked it with her arm. Hange sighed in relief.

“Nice reflexes, Ari,” Shawn said. “I think we’re done, Zozo.”

He held out his hand to help her up. She hugged him and he squeezed her.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked. Shawn, who hulked over her at times, seemed so small and childlike, even with his beard and mustache. She couldn’t help but smile.

“No. Just my pride is all,” she said. As they entered the house, they ran into Levi, who was almost literally fuming. His eyes were narrowed dangerously. Shawn, who was usually never intimidated by Levi grabbed Hange’s hand and squeezed.

“H-hey, Santa’s Little Helper!” Shawn said a slight waver to his voice. “What’s eating you?”

Levi never answered. In fact, Hange had never seen him look so upset in the presence of her family before.

“Hey, calm down!” Shawn said. “She’s not hurt, I’d never hurt my sister! And you know as well as I do if she were really in trouble she’d ditch the lightsaber and punch my lights out! I just wanted to get her moving, that’s all...”

Levi closed his eyes slowly. “Thank you.”

“Relax, Levi!” Hange said. “I had fun!”

He put his arm around her waist. “I’m glad. Dinner is almost ready.

Shawn put his arm around Levi’s shoulder. “You promised you’d teach me how to make that awesome gingerbread this year.”

“I didn’t forget. I made the sheets for the houses already, but we’ll make the gingerbread men on the day of the war,” Levi said. Shawn smiled almost victoriously.

“You have to promise to teach me about cooking. I have someone I need to impress,” he said.

“You won’t even show me his picture. At least let me know what restaurant he works at so I can try and match it,” Levi said.

Hange widened her eyes this was the first she’d ever heard of Shawn having a crush on someone. Levi gave her a quick glance before turning back to Shawn.

“You hurt Zoë’s feelings. She wanted to help you wow your boyfriend,” Levi said.

Shawn’s cheeks flushed. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Not with that attitude. Who wouldn’t love my sweet little Shawn?” she said. Shawn grumbled and she held his hand.

“You’ll win him over, I’m sure,” she said.

“Some of us have to work hard to find someone. We can’t all have the love of our lives move in next door,” Shawn said.

Hange smiled and squeezed Levi a little. He squeezed her back. Shawn left them and Hange was ready to crawl to the nearest couch and sleep. Levi sensed her fatigue and found a spot for her. She curled up against his chest and heaved a deep sigh as he pulled a blanket over them. She gave him a quick kiss before they were caught by any more family members.

“Merry Christmas,” Hange said.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered. She could sense the worry that lingered in his voice. She was grateful he did not press her. She couldn’t do anything at the moment even if she was gravely ill. She just hoped he didn’t spend hours online looking up symptoms and coming up with the worst case scenario. But he held her as tenderly as he looked at her and she felt warm.

“Please don’t worry about me,” she said. “I’m serious. It’s probably just my period or something. You know I get tired when my period comes.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “I guess. Well, you promise, if we don’t have an answer by the time your vacation is over, you’re going to the doctor.”

She nodded. But she was already mostly asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you all figured it out by now!
> 
> My life is going to be crazy for the next few days. I’m flying out to Taiwan and I need to get my computer repaired. So, I updated a little early. I’m not sure when I’ll have time to update again, but it will be soon


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to wait until you are settled and sitting down.”

Hange was not one to be overly vain, but she did try to maintain herself. But lately, it seemed no matter what she did, she gained weight. She looked in the mirror at her body in profile. She pinched her stomach and thighs and sighed. She was just bigger than she’d ever been. She was exercising, and eating right (mostly). What else could she do? She turned to the front and scowled. Her stomach wasn’t as noticeable, but she could see the difference. She tried to suck it in to no avail. It didn't matter, she usually wore oversized clothing anyway. But she wasn't used to this body, and she didn't know if she liked it. Levi came in from the shower and she suddenly flat a pang of disappointment. He was really perfect. His muscles were just as tight and well placed as when she first met him. She sighed—yet again.

He sat beside her and put his chin on her shoulder. His breath ticked her skin and she smiled. He ran the back of his hand down her arm.

“What’s going on?” he asked. She rolled her eyes.

“Nothing, just getting fat,” she said.

“I didn't notice.”

“You’re lying. You've been squeezing my ass all the time. It's huge.”

“I wouldn’t say huge, but it is getting bigger. Don't see how that's a bad thing. The more important question is: how are you feeling? You remember our deal, right?”

“I do. And I still feel really sluggish and weird?”

“Weird?” he asked. Hange nodded. He kissed her shoulder. “Go to the doctor. I’m concerned about your being so fatigued all the time. Honestly though, I don’t mind you gaining weight if you’re fine otherwise.”

He gently pushed her so she had to lean back on the bed and lifted up her shirt. He kissed from between her breasts and down her stomach. She laughed and he rested his cheek on her belly and ran a lazy hand along her hip, cupped her ass and squeezed her thigh.

“I'll stop by the clinic on campus today. I promise,” she said.

“Thank you. But honestly, as long as you're happy and healthy, what's so bad about having more to squeeze?”

Hange giggled and smoothed his hair. It scared her a little to think that she might actually be sick, but she was sure it was probably just stress or being overworked. As long as she had Levi, she’d be fine.

* * *

 

She called Armin as soon as she got home from work. He was probably trying to get settled back into the swing of things, and his new schedule, but she was still reeling from the doctor's news and had to call him. She didn’t think he would answer, but he did right away.

“Hanjo, what's up!” he said cheerfully.

“Nothing. I just noticed you left your quilt behind. I didn’t know if you wanted it,” she said.

“I’ll be honest, I do. But I can live without it for a few weeks,” he said.

“No, Levi and are going to see Rick this weekend. I’ll bring it,” she said.

“Oh! When did you decide that?” he asked.

“Today. We’ll come pick you up on Friday, how does that sound?” she asked.

“Great! I can’t wait to see you!” Armin said.

“Okay. We’ll bring your quilt. I love you!”

“I love you too, Zoë,” Armin said. “Bye!”

“See you soon!”

She hung up, but her heart was racing. She’d see Armin face to face. She’d tell him then. She covered her mouth and fought the tears. What would he think when she told him? What about her parents and her siblings? And more than all of them, what about Levi?

She needed him to come home more than ever. Hange just wanted him to hold her and let him squeeze and touch her and she’d pretend she’d never heard anything. But she had to wait for his return like any other self-respecting human being. She tried to distract herself with small tasks. She started tidying the living room, then the dining room, then the kitchen. She dusted, vacuumed, and even started dinner. She saw Levi pull into the driveway and she ran outside to meet him. He’d barely gotten out of the car before she threw her arms around him.

“Did you go to the doctor?” he asked. She nodded. He squeezed her. “Now I know something’s wrong. You don't usually beat Windex to meet me.”

She grabbed his hand and they went into the mudroom and Levi started to remove his jacket and sat to take off his shoes.

“I assume you have news,” he said.

“Yeah, but get settled first,” Hange said.

“One question: Are you dying?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“But you have news.”

She paused “Yes. There is news.”

He stopped untying his shoes and looked up at her.

“Are...are you...?”

Hange blushed and tucked some stray hairs behind her ear. “I want to wait until you are settled and sitting down.”

His face was starting to grow pale and he dropped his gaze to the wall ahead of him.

“I’m sitting down. Just say it,” he said. She didn’t know why she felt so cold, why felt like crying, but she blinked back her tears.

“Well, this morning. When you were kissing my belly fat...well, um, you were actually kissing your child. I’m pregnant.”

Levi closed his eyes, but he stopped scowling. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, giving him the wide eyed boyish look that she usually found disarming. Now she felt like he was looking through her.

“I thought you were. I've been thinking that for a while.”

She put a hand over her rounded stomach. “I've...had an idea.”

“How far along are you?” he asked. His voice was more monotone if possible. She hunched her shoulders and rubbed her arm. “Well?”

“Four months,” she said quietly.

“What!”

Hange covered her face and started to cry. “I'm sorry...”

He stood up and hugged her.

“Don't be sorry,” he said. “But you're so far along. You didn't think it was weird that you didn't have your period for four months?”

“I sort of had it one month and I've missed a few periods before,” she said.

Levi nodded and held her tighter. “You should have told me. I thought I wasn't seeing bloody underwear in the wash and pads and tampons in the trash because you were using that menstrual cup.”

“I never really got to use it,” Hange said. Levi snorted and rubbed his nose against her neck. His hands drifted to her waist. He kissed a few stray tears and wiped her eyes. His touches were warm and gentle, but his gaze was distant.

“Levi, what's wrong?” she asked. He shook his head, but she grabbed his wrists. “You're not happy.”

Levi furrowed his brow. “Of course I'm happy.”

“No, you're not! You're not smiling or anything. Please don’t be mad at me!” she cried. His eyes widened.

“Why would I—”

“I swear, this was an accident, I swear I didn’t trick you! I took all my pills, and I always tell you when I forget days, I tried to be careful, I promise! Please don’t be upset!”

He held her face and dried her tears.

“Please don't cry,” he whispered. She tried to stop her sobs but it was difficult. Levi held her hands and led her to the living room. They sat on the couch together and he held her so she could lean on his chest.

“I know you’ve been honest with me. You're not the only one in charge of contraception, we agreed it was going to be a team effort. I didn’t always wear a condom, even when I knew about your pill situation. But that’s not the issue at all. I’m just...I need to take this in. I'm very happy, I'm just nervous that's all. I want a baby as much as you do, I'm just not sure the timing is right,” He hugged her tightly, rubbed his cheek against her hair.

“Can I keep it?” she asked. “Please, tell the truth. I don't want you to feel forced into fatherhood...”

He held her face and looked into her eyes.

“I want this baby. I have a few months to get used to the idea of being a father.”

Hange squeezed him and he kissed her temple and forehead.

“I'm going to start dinner,” she said. He held her closer.

“No. I want you both near me right now,” he said.

“But I'm hungry,” Hange said.

“I'm not going to deny a pregnant woman food. We'll order out. Satisfy your exact weird cravings.”

“I haven't gotten those yet.”

“You order, I'll pay. Just don't leave me.”

“Well, I'm going to have to leave you to use my phone,” she said. She got up from the couch and Levi whined. She blew him a kiss while she dialed. Once food was on its way, she returned and he moved her so she lay across the couch. He straddled her hips and held her face. He kissed the corners of her mouth and her jaw, all feathery and slow. He pressed his lips against hers, earnestly and gently. He slipped his tongue past her lips, and Hange felt he was savoring her mouth he kissed her so languidly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let him kiss her. It was the first time she hoped the delivery person was late, since she wanted as much time to make out as possible.

The door bell interrupted them and Hange felt it was all too soon. Levi ended the kiss so he could pay for the food. And as much as she wanted Levi, she was actually hungry. They ate dinner together, Hange eating with almost animalistic gusto. She was worried sick all day and didn't eat much. She was never doing that again. Levi laughed and squeezed her thigh as they ate. They went upstairs to bed and he pulled her against him so he could spoon her. She languished in the feeling of Levi’s body against hers. The way his lips found the sensitive spot behind her ear, the way he curled protectively around her. She let a few tears fall at the almost reverent way he touched her stomach. It was nurturing, as though he were already gently holding his baby. She turned over so she could face him. His face was expressionless, but he did not furrow his brows the way he usually did. He pulled her so her body was flush with his and she put her hand on his cheek.

“Levi,” she whispered. Her touch seemed to animate him. He smiled, and his eyes...his eyes were focused on her, as though he were looking for the strength within her. She didn’t know how to tell him the only thing inside her were various organs and a collection of cells that could be a baby some day. He reached under her shirt and rubbed her slightly rounded stomach.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. We found out so late...”

“Don't apologize for shit. And we didn't find out that late,” he said.

“But if I found out sooner...”

He silenced her with a kiss. “Shut up. We're going to be fine. We have the space, we’ll find the money. This baby already has a lot of people ready to love it. We'll just work on keeping you safe and healthy,” he said.

“Okay,” she whispered. He held her against his chest and she balled his shirt with her hands. She couldn’t stop the tears and sobs from coming. He held her close and let her snuggle against him. “I’m so happy, but I’m so scared,” she said.

“Then you’re human,” Levi said. “I’m scared shitless too. But we can do this. We’ll be together, we won’t be alone.” She hugged him tighter.

“I love you,” she whispered against his neck.

“I love you both,” he said. Hange surrendered to the warmth and the rhythmic way he rubbed her back and fell asleep quickly.

* * *

 

She wasn't sure how long she slept, but woke in the middle of the night to the sound of sobbing. She knew there was only one person it could be and she opened her eyes to watch Levi. She blinked a few times to make her eyesight as good as it could be without her glasses. He was hunched over, his head on his knees. He covered his eyes with his hands and his shoulders shook with sobs. She sat up slowly. Levi swallowed and glanced over at her.  
  
“Sorry. You weren't supposed to see me like this,” he said. She wiped his cheeks with her sleeve.

“See you like what?” she asked.

“I don't mean to react like this,” he said. She hugged him and put his head on her shoulder.

“Is this happy crying?” she asked.

“Kind of,” he said. She gently grabbed his chin and kissed his lips. He pulled her close, his hands balling her shirt. “I'm trying to be strong for all of us, but I'm failing.”

She squeezed him. “No. No you're not. You haven't even started.”

“I love you so much,” he said. “I love our children so much. I hope I do right by this one.”

“You will. You see how happy Armin is.”

“We got a good one handed to us. We have to work with this baby from scratch. I hope I don’t screw them up for life,” he said.

“You won’t.”

“I’m going to make mistakes...”

“Yeah, we both will. But they’re going to know how much we love them.”

“I don’t want to hurt you like my father hurt me. Hurt all of us,” he said.

“You won’t,” she said. “And think about all the positive things your father has been doing lately. There's always hope.”

He hadn’t calmed down yet, he pressed fierce kisses against her neck.

“I’m going for an ultrasound in a few days,” she said in hopes of distracting him.

“I’ll be there,” he said. She ran her hands up and down his sides. He let out a long sigh and it seemed to ease him a little. He kissed her neck again, this time very gently, his hand protectively over her stomach.

“You’re going to be a great father, I know it,” she said. “They’re going to know that when they cry, when they need you, you’re going to be there.”

“I’m not going to leave you,” he said. He pushed her gently so she was on her back. He lifted her shirt and kissed her stomach. “I don’t think you can hear me yet, but I’m not going to leave you. Okay?”

Levi rested his cheek against her stomach. He sniffled and caressed her. She giggled.

“There may be a baby in there, but that’s still my stomach!” she said. “It tickles!” She sighed deeply. “We have to tell Armin.”

“He’s going to be so excited,” Levi said. He’d calmed down considerably. She ran her fingers through his hair.

“I told him we'd pick him up on Friday. I kind of jumped the gun. Sorry I didn't tell you,” Hange said.

“That's fine. We need to tell him face to face,” he said. “We should tell Rick then too. He’ll be so excited.”

“We can tell my parents in the morning over breakfast. Holy crap. We have to tell Erwin.”

“I’m not going to live this one down. I laughed at him when he told me about Melody.”

“I want video when you tell Oluo,” Hange said.

Levi groaned. “Oh my god. Only if I get to video when you tell Moblit. He'll probably lock you out of the lab.”

“Oh...what am I going to do about my job? I can take a few months off for maternity leave but...”

“Talk it over with Grisha in a month or two. You have some time. My job is flexible. We’ll work out our budget and if I need to change over to part time or take time off we’ll work it out,” he said.

“We should cut down on some expenses.”

“Decorate a baby room.”

“You’re always eager to decorate,” she said.

“Of course,” he said. “Your mom says I elevated your style.”

“I agree. Our baby must start out in style I guess. But what will you do if despite your best efforts, our baby is a crazy little ragamuffin like me?”

He pressed his lips softly against hers, and caressed each of her lips with such care and gentleness she was left aching for him when he pulled away.

“I’ll be so proud of them. They could do nothing better with their lives then be like you,” he said.

She blinked back her tears. “They could be like you,” she said.

“We could go back and forth all day,” he said. He rested his head back on her stomach. “I’m so happy I could marry you all over again.”

“You barely got me to the first wedding,” she said.

“You will come to the second. I'll be there and all your children will be there.”

“And?”

“Do you want anybody else?”

She glanced up at the ceiling and shook her head.

“Then all that's left to do is ask. Will you marry me again, Zoë Hange?”

She laughed. “Of course!”

“So five months from now, when this person gets here, we'll get married again. We'll have cake and everything.”

“It'll probably be our anniversary or close to it any way. You'll have a little spring bean.”

She rubbed her stomach. If she read correctly and if her baby was healthy, they were the size of an avocado. Their spine had fully developed and they would start stretching and moving. There was a whole new person growing inside her. The thought was overwhelming and all she could do was hold Levi's hand. She'd never experienced parenthood like this. Levi kissed her.

“We're in this together,” he said. She nodded.

* * *

 

Hange and Levi stood in the lobby of the dorm, searching for Armin’s room on the listings. She had his quilt over her stomach. When she held it like that it didn’t look like she was pregnant at all, not that she was showing much to begin with. She smiled. She couldn’t wait to see Armin, and she couldn’t wait to tell him the news.

“Found it,” Levi said. He took the quilt from her and started down the hall.

“I can carry it! It’s not going to hurt me,” she said.

“I want to carry it,” Levi said. She smacked his arm as they waited for the elevator. She sighed and put her head on his shoulder. Levi rested his head on top of hers.

They arrived at Armin’s floor and they searched for his room. Hange knocked and they waited. She rubbed her stomach absently. She’d stop doing this eventually, she knew, but it was such a fascinating idea that there was a tiny person growing inside of her, and it was certainly a part of her body that had changed. Maybe she’d be miserable once she got farther along and all the fascination will be replaced with utter revulsion. Levi rubbed her stomach a bit and smiled. She felt her heart flutter at the soft look in his eyes and she felt so warm when he’d give her these sweet, almost shy smiles. They had been so rare before and she was getting them so often now she didn't know how to react other than silly giggling. She held his hand as Armin opened the door quickly.

He blinked a bit before he smiled brightly.

“I wasn’t expecting you guys!” he said with a grin.

“Is Leigh back with the pizza yet?” a voice cried from inside the room.

“No, it’s my parents,” Armin said.

“Oh, shit. I look like hell.”

“Is that Samson?” Hange said.

The young man that approached smiled easily and held out his hand.

“The one and only. And you must be Dr. Hange, Armin’s ever affectionate Hanjo,” he said. “I am honored.” Hange laughed. Samson shook Levi’s hand. “I can’t believe I’m meeting your parents! Leigh’s going to be so jealous!”

“Come in for a second,” Armin said. He took his quilt from Levi and spread it over his bed. Levi sat on the bed and Hange sat beside him.

“We’re just finishing up some scripts. Do you want to read them?” Armin asked.

“Yeah!” Hange said. As she started reading, the door creaked open. The girl that entered was wearing a large sweater, large glasses and holding a pizza box. She put it on the desk beside the door and stood absolutely still.

“Don’t be shy, Leigh! Come meet my parents!” Armin said. Hange started to stand but she waved her hands.

“No, no, no! Don’t stand, not in your condition,” she said. Armin gave her a strange look and Levi and Hange exchanged glances. Leigh smiled and laughed almost unnaturally and twisted her braid. “Um, hi! I'm Leigh, Armin's told me all about you guys. Congratulations on your baby, Armin didn't tell me you were expecting.”

Hange froze and turned to Levi. He shrugged. Samson had fallen off his chair in laughter.

“What are you talking about? Zoë's not pregnant,” Armin said.  
  
“Oh. Oh! Um, I'm sorry! I just...well, I w-was coming back with the pizza and I saw them waiting outside your door. So I just wanted to see who they were, but not like in a stalking way! I didn't meant to spy or anything but I noticed your Hanjo...or is it just Hanjo? I-I’m sorry, or is it Dr. Hanjo? I-I mean, Dr. Hange? Well, she was rubbing her stomach a lot and your dad also rubbed her stomach so I just assumed, but I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were fat or anything, I just really thought...not that you're fat at all, you're very pretty. Not that being fat would make you _not_ pretty—”  
  
Hange knew she had to save her. “No, no. Don't be sorry. Armin, your friend is right. I am pregnant. I was hoping to tell you face to face,” Hange said. Samson only laughed harder and Leigh smacked her forehead.  
  
“Oh my god...I'm such a fucking idiot...” She clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, shit! Sorry for cursing in front of the baby! Oh! I...damn it!”  
  
“You're fine, Leigh. You're fine,” Hange said. Armin pulled her into a hug.  
  
“I’m going to be someone’s brother,” he said. “I can’t believe it! Do you have ultrasound pictures? How far along are you? Did you pick any names yet? When are you due? I have so many questions!”  
  
“I’ll answer them all,” Hange said. Armin kissed her cheek and squeezed her tighter. “I’m so happy!”  
  
“Join the ranks of semi-responsible older brothers,” Samson said.  
  
“You’re not even semi-responsible,” Leigh said.  
  
“Don’t get all snarky in front of Armin’s parents just to show off,” Samson said. Leigh elbowed him in the stomach. Armin came over and hugged both of them.  
  
“I’m so excited!” he said.  
  
“I have a suggestion for your next episode,” Hange said. “Since I have an adorable creature growing in my stomach, I’d like to see an entire episode on science in the Aliens franchise.”  
  
“Of course! We’ll start the research right away!” Leigh said. “We could make several episodes!”  
  
“We’ll talk about this later. I think we need to tell my uncle the good news,” Armin said.  
  
“All right. Um...see you on Monday, then?” Leigh said.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Armin held Hange’s hand as they went out of his room. He hugged her and kissed her forehead.  
  
“This baby is going to be so lucky, just like I am,” Armin said. He took Levi’s hand as well. “I have the best parents.”  
  
“They’re going to have the best brother,” Levi said.  
  
Hange was too happy to speak. She was so content with her little family.

* * *

 

Levi nearly broke her hand he squeezed it so hard when they went for her first ultrasound. He chewed his lip so much it nearly bled. Hange held his face.

“Calm down,” she said. “I’m sure everything’s fine.”

“I don’t remember if you’ve had alcohol in the past few months. Did you have eggnog at Christmas?” he asked.

“Yeah, but Mom doesn’t spike it unless you ask for it,” she said.

“What about before then? You’ve never had so much you’ve been drunk or I’d remember. Like any beer or hard cider at Thanksgiving?”

“No. I had normal cider though.”

“I hope that was okay...”

“It probably was.”

“Anything at Halloween?”

“Nah, the thought of alcohol made me nauseous. That should have been a clue right there. But you know I’m not big on alcohol already, and since your father was trying so hard to kick his habit, I really didn’t want you or him to feel uncomfortable. I just kind of haven’t had any.”

He put his head on his shoulder. “I’m not that sensitive about it, but thank you for thinking of me. After this, I’ll buy you a case of beer.”

“I’m not sure if alcohol affects breast milk, I should look that up,” she said.

“I didn’t think of that...I would have gotten my baby drunk as a newborn,” he said. He hunched over. “I’m already failing, I can’t raise a child...”

“You’ll be fine,” she said.

“I don’t want them to die.”

“Let’s just get through the pregnancy and we’ll worry about the rest later,” she said. “For right now, let’s just make sure the baby is healthy and what steps we need to take if something’s wrong.” Levi groaned. “And we need to get a nursery set up in the next few months and decide on a name. Do you want to know what gender the doctor will assign the baby?”

“It’s not important, not now,” Levi said. Hange sighed and rubbed her slightly rounded stomach.

“I’m not too big on gender stuff. I really don’t think names belong to one gender, but I know how things are perceived. I don’t want them to feel forced one way or the other...”

Levi sat up and grimaced. “It’s simple. The doctor will assign the baby a gender. We’ll name the baby accordingly. We’ll let them decide what they play with, what they like to do, how they like to dress—though I want them to be neat and clean no matter what they wear. They’ll decide what gender suits them and their pronouns and if they want to change their name.”

Hange kissed his temple. “You’re a great father already. Armin’s fine and he loves you. I’m sure this baby will love you too.”

“You’re better at this parent thing better than I ever will be. I didn’t have very good examples growing up. And besides, we were handed a well-adjusted teenager in need of a home. Most of the raising part is done, we’re just the support,” he said. “What if we don’t teach them something crucial?”

“We’re all going to be fine,” Hange said. She held his hand and he kissed it. They were called into the doctor’s office. “Come along and see the collection of cells that will be our baby!”

Hange jumped up, but Levi hovered near her, afraid she was going to fall.

“Don’t be so nervous!” she said. He smiled though, it was distant and solemn.

He held her face. “If something is wrong, if it comes down to you or them, I’m sorry. I’m going to choose you.”

She kissed his forehead. “If I have to tell you ‘everything is going to be fine’ one more time, I’m going to drink all your tea.”

He kept silent and held her hand as they went into the examination room.

* * *

 

Levi called a few of their friends over, and his father. Hange’s parents were coming over regardless. He wanted to celebrate a little bit. The only person missing was Armin, but he spoke with his professors and was taking one week off before Spring Break to be with them. Then it was like they had two weeks together. Levi was looking forward to his return, and so was Hange, he knew. Hange darted around the house as usual while they waited for everyone to arrive. Levi was already taking refuge in the kitchen. Everyone knew where to find him.

The first to arrive was Eren. He was done with his training for the day and knocked on the back door. Levi let him in. He was actually grinning from ear to ear and hugged Levi tightly.

“I’m so excited for you,” he said. Levi offered a hesitant pat on the back.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Your kid is going to be so lucky to have you,” Eren said. “I uh...I got a gift. It’s nothing special, and I didn’t know what to buy, but Mom said it’d be practical.”

Eren handed Levi a gift bag.

“You didn’t have to,” Levi said.

“I don’t know what else to do for you. You really helped me a lot growing up. I wanted to offer you a little help in return.”

Levi felt his cheeks burn just a little. “I didn’t do much. You’re already the kind of person Armin is friends with, so just be the person the tiny one will look up to.”

Eren grabbed his shoulders. “I’ll do it! I’ll work really hard!” Levi patted his hand and Eren smiled easily at him. “Mikasa says congratulations.”

“She sent them through Armin too,” Levi said.

“She’s coming by for spring break and she really wants to see you. And...actually, I want your advice on something.”

“If you’re going to keep talking to me, you have to start helping in the kitchen,” Levi said.

“Yeah, of course,” Eren said. Levi pointed to where the aprons were and got ready to help out. Levi handed him a grater and a potato.

“Start grating. We’re having bunch today and those are for hash browns,” he said.

“You and Hange love brunch,” Eren said.

“It’s the best. But you said you had something you wanted to ask me,” Levi said.

“I do. Things are settling down a little bit. Dad’s still barely talking to me, but my training’s going well, my job is okay. When I’m done with my training, I really want to settle down and I really want it to be with Mikasa.”

“And you’ve told her this?” Levi asked.

“Not exactly. We’ve talked about marriage, but not seriously,” Eren said.

“So have a serious marriage talk first.”

“Aren’t you going to say something like, ‘You’re too young’ or whatever?”

“You might be too young, I don’t know. But this isn’t a relationship that started a few days ago. You’ve been together for a long time. See what she’s thinking. Maybe she wants to finish school, maybe she wants you two to be at a certain point in your lives. Getting settled is harder than ever I’ve seen.”

“I know.”

“Communication is going to be key,” Levi said. “It will be for as long as you two actually want the relationship to work.”

“Okay. So just talk to her for now.”

“You can do it. I’m sure she’ll be excited to talk to you about your future.”

Hange came into the kitchen with a bright smile.

“Oh, Eren! I didn’t even see you come in!” she said. Eren came over and gave her a big hug.

“I’m so happy for you!” Eren said. “I bought you a little gift. They’re really fancy bottles. Mom said they’re the best.”

Hange looked in her gift bag. “Oh wow. Marie mentioned this brand. She agrees. Thanks so much, Eren. Did you know Armin’s coming home early?”

“Yeah, he told me. It’s been a while since I heard him get so excited,” Eren said.

The doorbell rang. Hange grinned.

“That would be Oluo,” she said. “He and Petra have been sitting in the car in front of our house for ten minutes. I think Petra was trying to get Oluo to calm down.”

Levi chuckled. “It took him twenty minutes to stop crying when I told him you were pregnant. Brace yourself.”

Hange went to the front door and Levi watched from the kitchen. Hange had barely opened the door before Oluo had crushed her in a hug.

“You’re already glowing,” he said, his voice cracking a little.

“Oluo, we talked about this,” Petra said. He coughed and let her go.

“Congratulations on becoming a parent,” he said formally. “It’s a...” he swallowed. “You know it’s just that you...and Levi is just so...”

He took a deep, shaky breath. Hange hugged him and he squeezed her.

“It’s okay,” she said.

“It’s just so beautiful,” Oluo whispered.

Petra came over to Levi.

“I’m sorry. He’s really emotional. I doubt he’ll be this emotional over his own kids,” Petra said.

“He’ll be worse,” Levi said. “Oi. Don’t crush Hange, or the kid. They’re both important to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Oluo said.

“Why don’t we sit down. Can someone get Oluo some water?” Hange said.

“I’ve got it!” Eren said.

“I’ll put some tea on,” Levi said. Petra followed them into the kitchen.

“So, thought of names yet?” she asked.

“It’s only been a few days,” Levi said. “But if you’re that insistent, I’m keeping in the tradition of naming everyone after cleaning products. So maybe Pledge or Palmolive.”

Petra laughed. “I was going to suggest Mr. Clean, but that’s your name.”

“They can be a Jr. We'll add it to the running,” Levi said. Petra was smiling at him and he hated it. He glared at her.

“Don’t you get all sentimental on me,” he said.

“I’m trying not to, but I really, really can’t believe you’re here. I thought you’d be a forever bachelor and live quietly with your cats. Now you’re living quietly with your cats. And your wife—”

“Number One,” Levi said.

“Right, sorry. With your Number One. And your adopted son. And your baby.” Levi smiled a little. “You’ve always liked children.”

He shook his head a little. “Kind of.”

“How’s Hange taking pregnancy?” she asked.

“You should ask her. But she seems okay. There were a lot of things that worried her, but are explained by her being pregnant. I don’t think she’s at the point where she’s really uncomfortable yet.”

“I can’t wait to see your plans for the nursery. Any ideas?”

“I’m waiting for Hange’s mom and Erwin show up.”

“Please tell me you have paint chips and swatches,” Petra said. Levi smirked and nodded. Petra squealed.

“All right, I’m going to get all the baby details from Hange!” she said.

Levi was actually looking forward to everyone coming. He heard Hange squeal. He expected to see her parents, instead she saw Pixis and his father.

“Come on in!” she said. Levi was actually happy to see his father for once. The lingering doubts in his mind quieted just a bit. He came over, wiping his hands on his apron. Pixis hugged him tightly. Neither of them could say anything, but he patted him firmly on the shoulder. Eren descended and took his jacket. And Levi hugged his father next. His father held him for a bit longer than usual.

“You’re not going to be like me,” he said softly. Levi rested his head on his father’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” was all he could say. Levi made a hasty retreat to the kitchen. He chose a well-hidden corner and sat there for a while with his eyes closed. He heard Erwin enter and he didn't even look up at him. Erwin just sat next to him in silence for the longest time.

“Parenthood is scary,” Erwin said. “Watching someone you care about go through pregnancy and birth is a bit scary too. I won't elaborate, I know you've already imagined all the worst case scenarios.”

Levi snorted.

“I'm worried about nailing the perfect Dad jokes,” Levi said.

Erwin chuckled. “That will come naturally after a while. I'm just upset Melody's too young to appreciate them. And...you're going to be fine. Trust me.”

“We'll be swapping parenting tips instead of cooking tips,” Levi said. Erwin groaned. Levi hugged his knees to his chest. “I'm actually really happy about this baby. I never thought I was allowed to have so many good things in my life. It's why I'm so scared about screwing it up or...or finding out it's all a dream.”

“Don't dwell on the supernatural and cosmic. That's not you at all. You need to focus on being the father this baby needs,” Erwin said. “That will change over time.”

“Yeah. The needs Armin has are different from when he came into our lives. I can only imagine the changes we'll go through with this kid.”

“You can do it. You're not alone. And it's not just Hange, it's all of us. We're all here to help you and your children,” Erwin said. He stood up and helped Levi to his feet. Hange rushed into the kitchen as they stood.

“I just...well, when I don't hear a commotion from the kitchen, I get nervous about you...” she said. Levi came over and kissed her forehead.

“I'm okay,” he said. He pulled her close and rested his head on her shoulder. “For once, I'm really okay.”


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moblit rubbed the palms of his hands on his pants. “But, Dr. Hange...I just wanted to ask...is this the last research project, we’ll be working on together?”

Hange rolled over and felt Levi’s hand on her stomach. She opened one eye and almost immediately felt her face grow hot. Levi was gazing at her with a sleepy, half lidded eyes. He blinked slowly, and ran his hand over her stomach. Hange moved closer and he moved his hand to her hip. He pressed his lips to her forehead and didn’t move. He didn’t say he loved her, not this time. Levi’s words failed him often, so Hange knew it was important to observe the details. She didn’t need to read in between the lines today. He touched her so gently it filled her body with soft tingles and her heart raced.

“No kicks yet?” he asked.

“Small movements, nothing worth reporting,” she said. “They move a lot when I talk to you on the phone.”

He massaged her hip with his thumb. “I keep missing it...”

She shook her head. “They're just shy. They want to impress you and don't know what to do when you're around.”

Levi tickled across her stomach and she giggled. She was starting to show more and her clothes were getting a little tight. She actively refused to buy maternity clothes, but soon she wasn’t sure what she could wear. Maybe she’d cave and buy a pair of pants just so she could be work appropriate. Thankfully lab coats were one size fits all. She was worried about her job. She liked all the lab work, but she knew she couldn’t lead research teams for a while, not with the hours it took up. She actually wasn’t sure what she could do. The latest project was going to wrap up in a few weeks, but after that her future was unclear.

Levi had it slightly easier. His job had always been pretty flexible, so he could ask for fewer houses or even cut his work load down so he could be part time. They allowed him a few weeks off for the baby, so they’d get a lot of time together. Hange also had a month or so of maternity leave, and a lot of vacation days she hadn’t used. She’d have to discuss her future with Grisha, as he was the department head.

But all that was later on. Right now Levi was holding her protectively in his arms.

“What are you doing today?” he asked.

“Work. Petra wanted to have lunch,” she said. “I’m showing her pictures of the finished nursery.”

“Tell her and Oluo to just come over so they can see it,” he said.

Hange laughed. “If Oluo came over he wouldn’t stop crying.”

“I know. I worked hard on it and I want to be praised unnecessarily,” Levi said.

“I already said I’m going to start sleeping there instead,” Hange said.

“You might actually be doing that.”

Hange squeezed him and hummed a little. She wanted to stay in bed a bit more and throw around theories. What would their baby look like? What kind of person would they be? What hobbies would they have? Or, the biggest debate: would they like The Warriors book series or Watership Down better? Levi was all for Warriors and Hange would not let her Watership bunnies go down without a fight. So they bought all the books and decided to let them decide (Erwin said that the baby would betray them both and join his camp with the Guardians of Ga’hool and Michelle said they’d be a Redwall baby).

Finally they got up and got ready for the day. Hange squeezed into her clothes and Levi had breakfast ready by the time she got downstairs. She held his hand and squeezed it a bit longer than usual.

“I’m going to talk to Grisha about my job today,” she said.

“You’re going to be fine,” he said. She sighed.

“I just want to make more time for the baby. I do have a backup plan of becoming a high school teacher just in case,” she said. “Erwin might have my back.”

“Don’t worry. Grisha dislikes a lot of people, but I know he likes you,” Levi said. “He wouldn’t have asked for your help with Armin if he didn’t trust you.”

She sighed and patted her stomach. “I just want to be there for them. I don’t want to give up the job I love if I don’t have to but...my baby is a special person to me so...I'd seriously consider leaving.”

Levi held her hands. “Woah, slow down there. I may have the city benefits, but you make more money. Could your job cover me if I gave up my job?”

“I think so. I'll ask.”

“If nothing else I'll research where I can work part time and get benefits. Don't give up your job. You love it too much. I like my job, but it's not the job I've dreamed of my whole life. I don't mind quitting my job before you do. Let me know what happens. I’m going to support you no matter what.”

“What if we have to downsize?” she asked.

“I don’t care. I’ve lived through way worse.”

“What if we have to move in with my parents?”

“They live next door. Plus I’ve lived in that house already, I know it won’t be so bad. There’s enough space for everyone. Armin can have an attic room instead of a basement one. But I’ve done the math for all four scenarios. If I have to quit, if you have to quit, if we both keep working, and if we both suddenly lose our jobs. We can manage without changing much for a while as long as at least one of us is working. We’d just have to cut down on travel and extra luxuries. Maybe sell a car, cut down on the credit cards. Not so many trips to the farmer’s market. The no job one is challenging but manageable.”

That relaxed her a little bit. “All right. I’ll let you know what happens.”

He kissed her and sent her to work with a thermos of tea (though they’d done the research and found coffee in moderate amounts was not harmful, Levi insisted she switch primarily to tea while pregnant and if she chose to nurse). She drove off to work and when she entered her office, she found one of the professors from the business school waiting for her.

It was Dimo Reeves. They hadn’t spoken much except at banquets and staff functions. Hange found him amusing and he was known for his ridiculously loud laugh. He was sitting outside her office with a large, black bag.

“Ah, Dr. Hange! So happy to see you! Never did get to congratulate you on your pregnancy!” he said. He held out his hand for a hearty shake and she took it.

“Thanks! Well, what brings you to the science wing?” she asked. “It’s an awfully long walk across campus.”

“Well, I’ve been doing a lot of walking lately, so much so that I lost weight. I have a few of my old button down shirts and seeing as how your stomach will temporarily be bigger than mine...I don’t mean to insult you if hand-me-downs aren’t your thing but—”

“I’ll take them!” she said.

“Really? I’m so glad! These aren’t just any old shirts! They’re only the highest quality and gently used, I promise. I like to look good y’know, so it’s nothing but the best,” he said and handed her the bag.

“I greatly appreciate it. It feels like I’m getting bigger every day, I didn’t know what I was going to wear. I didn’t want to waste money on maternity clothes I’ll only wear for a few months,” she said.

“Saving money and making money are what I’m all about. I’m happy you can use them,” he said. “You’ll stop by my office sometime, won’t you?”

“Sure,” Hange said. He waved as he left and she grinned. One problem solved, though she’d have to figure out what to do about her pants another time. Maybe Marie could spare a pair or two? She put the bag under her desk and set about getting everything organized, going over test results. Moblit walked into the room.

“Hey, Dr. Hange. How are you feeling?” he asked. Hange smiled brightly. Moblit treated her like she was a porcelain doll since he found out about the baby. He was always protective, but it was even worse now, keeping her away from hazardous fumes, making sure she ate, sending her home early. He did such a good job, Levi actually made him a very nice lunch and cookies and came to the campus to thank him for always taking care of her. She sat back in her chair, which only had the effect of making her stomach seem even rounder.

“I’m fine, what about you?” she asked.

“I’m good,” he said. Hange crossed her legs as best she could.

“You never told me how your date with Nifa went,” she said. He blushed a bit.

“It went pretty well,” he said.

“I assumed as much, you’re a hopeless romantic. So is there another date coming up?”

“Y-yeah! We’re supposed to go out this weekend.”

“I’m so happy for you!” she said.

Moblit rubbed the palms of his hands on his pants. “But, Dr. Hange...I just wanted to ask...is this the last research project, we’ll be working on together?”

Hange’s shoulders lowered.

“Maybe. For a while at least...” she said.

“I see. I...it’s been a pleasure working with you,” Moblit said.

“I don’t know where I’ll be, I might be on campus, who knows?” she said.

Moblit nodded. “Well, keep in touch! I want to see pictures of your baby...i-if that’s all right with you.”

“You’d better come to the hospital. And I’ll be at the one affiliated with the campus where we do some of our research, so there’s no excuse,” Hange said. “I know you’ll be there stupidly early in the morning, just come by.”

“Have you spoken to Dr. Jaeger yet?” Moblit asked.

“This afternoon. We’ll be discussing my future.”

“Well...either way, I know it’s going to be a bright one!”

Hange found Moblit’s optimism comforting. She stood up from her desk suddenly.

“Well, the data looks good, but nothing beats actually seeing our specimens! Let’s take a look,” she said.

They started for the lab together. Moblit looked very pensive and Hange kept sneaking glances at him.

“Dr. Hange!” he said finally. She almost wanted to laugh at how earnest he sounded.

“What’s on your mind, Moblit?” she asked.

“I know...maybe this is rude but...may I please touch your stomach?” he asked. Hange held his hand.

“Moblit, you of all people deserve it. You’ve done a lot to make sure we’re both safe,” she said. “I’m fine with you touching my stomach if you ask.”

Moblit’s face lit up. “Really?”

He gently put his palms against her belly. This should have been a happy moment—and it was. However, Hange somehow felt a little sad, as though this moment almost didn’t happen. But she didn’t know why she felt this way. Moblit must have felt it too, or maybe he sensed her unease.

“I’m sorry. Maybe this was a bad idea,” he said. She shook her head.

“No. I’m actually very happy,” she said. But why did she feel like crying? She put her hand on her head.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Her pregnancy had not been marked by mood swings, at least not yet. But she suddenly felt this growing sadness.

“Meet me in the lounge room outside of the lab, I’ll get you a bottle of water. Can you make it?” he asked. She nodded and went to the lounge. She curled up on the couch and started to cry. Moblit arrived and handed her the bottle of water. She sipped at it and wiped at her tears. Moblit handed her a box of tissues.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

“No. I don’t know why I’m crying. This isn’t like me, you know...” she said.

“That’s why I’m worried. Should I call Levi?” he asked. She shook her head.

“No, I'm fine. I just need a minute. I'll join you soon,” she said. She dabbed at her eyes and went to work. She was really all right, she felt bad for reacting that way. Moblit kept sneaking glances at her. She pushed through until lunchtime when Petra arrived. Hange felt her mood lift a little, but the sadness still lingered. Petra held her hand.

“Something's wrong. You're not giving me the Hange brand smile. Are you okay?” Petra asked. Hange nodded.

“I'm just a little down today, that's all. I'm sure getting out is all I need,” she said.

Petra grinned. “Well, I can deliver!”

They went out to Petra's car. Hange smiled a little easier talking to Petra. They didn't go too far, and they settled in for lunch at a small cafe.

“So, I know you said no baby shower,” Petra said. “And I know Levi's decorated a nursery. But a few of us wanted to get together to give you a few things.”

Hange almost dropped her menu as Nanaba and Marie rounded the corner. She jumped up and hugged them both.

Nanaba held her hand as they sat down to order. Once food was taken care of they each presented their gifts.

“Now, I know you said no maternity clothes, but I know you'll need to be prepared for nursing. So I got you nursing shirts, nursing bras, nursing pads, nipple cream and a few other things Marie suggested,” Petra said and gave her a bag.

“And I'm also ignoring the 'no maternity clothes' rule because you need maternity slacks for work and lots of stretchy yoga pants. You'll be wearing all of those for a bit after you deliver,” Marie said. “Also, you'll want a lot of pads for the postpartum bleeding, so I bought a bunch for you. And large underwear. Trust me it's essential. You'll want to be really comfortable while all these crazy changes are happening in your life.”

Nanaba just pushed her present over. “I just bought baby clothes. The usual, a dinosaur suit, bunny suit, bear suit, banana suit, Chewbacca suit...Mike bought the last one, just so you know. And make sure everyone knows your baby is Chewy not an Ewok.”

Hange was near speechless and just hugged the gifts close.

“Thank you guys. I really appreciate it,” she said. She was a little teary, but these were happy tears. She arrived back at work ready to face the rest of her day. Most of which was with Grisha. She put her hand over her stomach before she went into his office. She was going to be a parent. That was scarier than anything Grisha would say. She opened the door.

Grisha was absently sorting through papers.

“Ah, Dr. Hange. Please sit,” he said. She did. He didn't look up at her. “So I take it you'll be going on maternity leave soon.”

“Yeah. The baby's due late May to early June. So I'll make it exam week, but I won't be here for any summer sessions.”

Grisha nodded. “How would you feel about a change in position?”

“What are you offering?” Hange asked.

“We have a smaller clinic that is affiliated with the university. We run smaller research projects out of it and our team manager is planning on retiring in January. The hours are far less demanding than here, usually 9 to 5, closed once a week. I'm not sure how long your maternity leave is, but I'll suggest you start working part time there in the fall until you get a feel for the place and increase you days until you're full time by January”

Hange was floored. She was certain this baby was going to be the death of her career.

“They pay is about the same, as it is a similar position to the one you have here. You'll still be working with Moblit on occasion, as sometimes our research projects overlap. I know you two are fond of each other.”

“This...this means a lot to me Grisha,” Hange said.

“Yes, well...you and Levi have done a lot for me as well, Dr. Hange. “Now go break the news of your departure to Moblit so he can cry about it for an hour.”

Hange grinned and hurried off (as fast as she could hurry with her stomach in the way). She knew this was a very rare situation, that normally her life as a researcher would have been ended. She didn't grudge parenthood, but she didn't think it was fair that her career should end just because she decided to have a baby. She didn't think it would work out so well.

She told Moblit and as predicted, he cried for at least an hour. But she couldn't wait to get home and tell Levi most of all.

* * *

Hange got home early and cooked dinner, all the while, being abuzz with excitement. Levi came home, taking his shoes off at the door.

“I'm already home!” she cried.

“I can smell it. Your pregnancy has influenced your taste, it smells amazing for once,” he said. She shot him a playful glare as he entered the kitchen. He hugged her from behind, his favored sort of hug lately, so he could hug her and the baby at the same time. She leaned against him and he nuzzled her neck.

“I had a good day,” she said softly.

“Yeah?” he said his lips brushing against her skin.

“One of the business professors gave me a lot of over sized button down shirts,” she said.

“Nice.”

“Petra had an impromptu baby shower for me. I got comfy clothes for after the delivery, nursing stuff, a lot of little baby costumes. I like the Chewbacca one the best.”

“Mike and Nanaba bought you that one, right?” Levi asked.

“Oh yeah, you know it,” she said.

“So...are you unemployed?” he asked.

“I'll be running a smaller research team at another clinic.”

Levi squeezed her. “I knew Grisha would pull through.”

“More regular hours, closed once a week. I'll officially start leading the team in January and I'll work part time in the fall.”

“That's...we're super lucky. We can coordinate our days so I can be inspecting houses while you're home and doing paper work while you're at the clinic. Hange...everything's working out so well. I always feel like something's going to go wrong...”

Hange felt her heart sink and she placed her hand over her stomach. Something could happen to their baby. She closed her eyes. She had this feeling...a distinct, sharp memory of something. Something sad involving miscarrying a baby due to overexertion. It was oddly specific, she remembered the room, that the sun was just rising and the sheets were white. Levi held her face as she cried over the baby and promised her when everything was over they'd try for a baby again (and certain things confused her. What was “everything?”) It was why she didn't fight Levi over much when he got protective or made her take extra precautions.

“Hey. I was just talking. I'm not used to things working out for me that's all,” Levi said. He reached over and turned off the stove. “Food's ready.” She couldn't move, that overpowering sadness was pressing on her. Thankfully Levi turned her around and held her face as a few tears started to fall.

“Listen. I can't handle you being sad like this. It's not good for the baby,” he said.

She laughed. “Nothing's good for the baby. You won't let me do anything.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! 'Don't drink coffee, it's not good for the baby!' 'Don't flop around like that it's not good for the baby!' 'Don't eat fish, it's not good for the baby!'”

“I don't want you and my child do die of mercury poisoning,” he grumbled.

She put her arms around his shoulders. “Or, how about these two, they're my favorite: 'We can't fuck in that position, it's not good for the baby!' and the kicker, 'You can't suck my dick, you're pregnant!'” Levi buried his face in her shoulder and laughed. “You're laughing, but you got over that last one really quick.”

“What can I say? You're talented and I don't want you to get out of practice,” he said softly. She hummed and ran her hand down his hip.

“You act like I'm not equally as talented with my hands,” she said. She kissed him. He groaned as she rubbed her palm over his already hardening cock. “You're easy to please.”

“You are my only weakness,” he said.

“You only want me when I'm flirty and horny,” she said.

“That is the appropriate time to want you.”

“Touché.”

She pushed him so he had to lean against a wall and unbuttoned his pants so she could have better access. The only thing separating his dick from her hand was his underwear.

“So what'll it be? Mouth or hands?” she whispered against his jawline. Levi whimpered. “You seem to like my hands just fine.”

She loved watching Levi come undone. It was the best part of being dominant over him. His face was just so exquisite, his cheeks were flushed, and he bit his lips to such a beautiful shade of pink that any gasps that escaped past them only seemed sexier. And the way his eyes clouded over with lust made her wet just looking at him. He made so many cute faces in the throes of passion. She muffled the screams of his climax with an open mouthed kiss.

Levi was always became a bit languid after an orgasm, so she did most of the clean up, wiping her hands and the front of his pants. Since this was just a quickie, he regained his senses a bit sooner than usual and warmed up the food a little as she washed her hands.

“Sorry I was negative and made you cry,” he said as he started to spoon dinner onto plates.

“I'm a little over sensitive right now,” she said. He put the plates on the counter with silverware and cups and kissed her cheek as they sat down.

“I'm just nervous. I...I don't want to worry you. I just...sometimes I wake up and think that your pregnancy is all just a dream,” he said. She kissed his temple and guided his hand to her stomach.

“It's real. We're both right here,” she said. He nodded and held her hand as they ate. But she only got a few bites in before she felt a pretty strong kick (it was a bit like popcorn going off in her stomach), much more distinct than anything she'd felt from the baby before. She jumped and pulled his hand to her stomach.

“I felt something,” she said. She turned to him and he placed both hands on her stomach.

“Don't be shy, Kiddo,” he said. “You know I love you.”

Another kick, this one softer. Levi looked up at her his eyes a bit teary.

“They know,” she said. He kissed her, the sort of kiss that required both hands on either side of her face. When he pulled away, he just looked into her eyes. She put her hands over his.

“We're okay,” she said softly. She moved his arms so he could hold her around her waist, so her stomach pressed against his. “We're all together now.”

He buried his face in her shoulder. It was definitely one of those “Levi can't use words” moments, more so than usual because she could tell he was overcome with emotion. She'd always known he had a hard time accepting that good things could happen to him. But she wondered...with the way he was holding her...was it possible he had the same dream? Maybe he was just afraid of her miscarrying, which was a normal anxiety for first time parents.

They were just over thinking things, she was certain.


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin's home for spring break!

**Chapter 56**

* * *

 

By the time Armin came home for his early/extended spring break, Hange's stomach was round and a bit uncomfortable. She was nearing seven months and she thanked Dimo silently every day for those oversized shirts. Her breasts were tender, her back was getting sore. She liked to soak in the tub with Levi a few times a week because the warm water soothed her greatly. Though company was coming, so perhaps she'd have to forgo it for a bit. Leigh and Samson were coming to visit for a week. Hange really did want to meet them. She was sure Leigh wanted to redeem herself after their first meeting. Hange vowed to give Leigh her chance to really “wow” her, though Hange felt there was no need. She was more upset that Armin hadn't made any moves, it was so obvious Leigh liked him and Samson approved.

Samson was driving and as soon as they arrived, Hange ran to hug Armin. It was nice to have him back at home and in her arms. She reached for his bag but he snatched it away.

“No heavy lifting, especially not this far along,” Armin said. Hange laughed and conceded. Leigh came over and held out her arm stiffly.

“H-hello, Dr. Hanjo,” she said. “I mean...Hange...I mean—”

“You can call me whatever you'd like, Leigh,” she said as she held Leigh's hand with both of hers.

“Thank you,” Leigh mumbled.

Samson came up to her with an easy smile.

“I don't know how you feel about hugs, but if you're in the habit of giving them, I'd like one,” he said. Hange grinned and hugged him.

“All you have to do is ask,” she said. They all went inside.

“Armin, your guests have a choice, they can stay downstairs close to you or upstairs where there's more rooms,” Hange said.

“I'll stay upstairs,” Leigh said quickly. Samson snorted.

“Avoiding temptation, so noble,” he said softly. Leigh elbowed him. Hange felt he deserved that one. Levi came out of the kitchen.

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman,” Leigh said quickly. Levi narrowed his eyes.

“That makes me sound so old,” Levi said.

“Sorry,” she said quickly.

“Just call me Levi, I don't care. If you're going to call me Mister anything, you can call me Mr. Armin's Dad, but that's about it.”

Leigh nodded and began to anxiously twirl a lock of her hair.

“Well, nice to see you again, Mr. Armin's Dad,” Samson said. Levi's usual scowl melted just a bit.

“Nice to see you when you're not babbling about science on the Internet,” Levi said.

“So you _do_ watch my segment! Armin was so sure you didn't,” Samson said.

“What? I learn a few new things and Zoë loves your show. I enjoy it a lot,” Levi said.

“The little one always gets a bit antsy when I watch, especially when Armin's on,” Hange said. “I don't know if it's the timing of if they recognize your voice from all the phone and Skype calls we have.”

“Speaking of Skype calls, weren't you guys going to Skype your mom?” Armin said.

“Holy shit, that's going to be in a few minutes. She'll kill us if we miss her,” Samson said.

“I'll help you guys get settled upstairs,” Armin said. He hurried off and Hange collapsed on the couch. She didn't know how she was going to make it through the last few months of pregnancy. And there was only the threat of her getting bigger and only more uncomfortable.

“Since I'm cooking, you have any weird cravings?” Levi called from the kitchen.

“No. I just want to lay here, though,” she said.

“I'll let you do that. Come into the kitchen and tell me if anything you're smelling makes you sick,” he said.

She groaned but got up anyway. She took a deep breath and only got hungry.

“You're good,” she said.

Levi snorted. “For now.”

Hange gave him a half hearted sarcastic laugh as she went back to the couch. Clorox hopped on her lap first. Hange figured Windex was probably sizing up Samson and Leigh and Lysol liked to hide from company. Clorox was attempting to curl up on what was left of her lap, her belly took up so much space. He didn't seem to mind this, he almost saw her stomach as another shelf for him to rest on (Windex saw it the same way and took to draping over her stomach whenever Hange tried to rest).

“Aw, he beat me to it,” Armin said. They both turned as he entered. Hange beckoned for him to come and curl up with them.

“There's always room for my son,” she said. Armin put his head on her shoulder and his hand on her stomach.

“I missed you,” he said. “I really wanted to be here with you during all of this. I want to help however I can.”

“You'll have plenty of time to do that,” Hange said. She put her hand over his. “They're really going to look up to you, I know.”

“I don't know much about babies. I've looked at a lot of videos and done a lot of research. I know it sounds dumb, but it's the only way I know to break myself in short of just putting myself in a room full of babies.”

“We're all learning, we're going to make mistakes,” she said. Armin moved his head from her shoulder to her stomach. She ran her fingers through his hair. It was just the slightest bit greasy, but she knew he was probably just preoccupied with his studies. It was now a bit below his shoulder blades. She now knew how Levi felt about her hair when she went too long without a wash, she was overcome with the urge to massage his scalp and wash his hair and comb it through gently. She settled for just detangling it with her fingers. Armin was already half asleep.

“I have so much to tell you,” he mumbled.

“We have two weeks to talk. You can take a nap before dinner,” she said. He surrendered then. He almost rolled so his head was on her lap. She got a pillow for him and he took it gladly. She draped a blanket over him and Clorox reclaimed his place on top of her stomach. She didn't expect that having both her children together would make her so emotional, but it did. She sniffled a little. She was so happy to have Armin home. She was a little selfish in her joy that her baby wasn't due until after Armin would be home for the summer. He had exams in the first half of May, and even if the baby was born a bit early, he'd be home with plenty of time to be there within a week or so of his sibling's birth. It wasn't so much that she wanted the help (though she was sure she'd need it), but she wanted her family together.

“Love you, Hanjo,” Armin mumbled.

She was upset that her belly was too round for her to bend over and kiss his temple. Instead she smoothed his hair.

“Love you more,” she said.

* * *

They spent the evening cracking jokes and playing with the cats. Hange found she fell asleep a bit faster than usual, though it still took many, many pillows until she was truly comfortable. Levi was very patient and often helped her find comfortable and safe positions to sleep. And still, even with all that effort she still didn't sleep well most nights. But last night was perfect.

She woke up to the smell of breakfast. She immediately knew that waffles were being made. She rubbed her eyes and sighed. She was still tired. Levi was curled up and she put her hand on his hip. He rolled over and opened one eye before he closed it again.

“Morning,” he mumbled. She moved the hair away from his face and smiled. She loved Levi's sleeping face, it was so angelic. If their baby resembled him, she'd be tempted to watch them sleep for hours (the reality was their sleeping face would be a relief if only so she could sleep herself). Levi wormed his way over and gently nuzzled his cheek against her stomach.

“Are they awake yet?” he asked and gently pressed the pads of his fingers against her stomach.

“Don't antagonize my baby,” she said.

“Never,” he said.

She leaned back against the pillows. “You know, I read that babies cry in the womb.”

She bit her lip and rubbed her stomach. Levi sat up and blinked a little.

“I don't like that pause,” he said. He leaned closer and squinted before he reached for his glasses.

“No, no, don't!” she said.

“Are you going to cry?” he asked.

“N-no...” she said, her face growing hot. He held her face as she bit her lip to stop it from trembling. He started to laugh. She was a little surprised at first but she joined him. “I-it's stupid.”

“No, no. It's just...even if you knew, what could you do?”

“I think that's what made me upset. When the baby is born I could eventually figure out what was wrong and comfort them. But I can't do anything for them now.”

“You're doing a lot for them now. They're literally feeding off your body, you saw all the videos Armin and the kids made.”

“I guess...”

There was a gentle knock on the door.

“Come in, Armin,” Levi said. Armin opened the door and closed it behind him.

“Breakfast is ready,” he said.

“And there are waffles, right?” Hange said.

“Of course! If you can eat them, I don't know for sure I'm sorry...”

“My pregnancy seems to be a heightened smell and appetite sort of pregnancy. Not much in the way of food avoidance. Don't worry.”

“But um...before we go downstairs I...I don't know how to ask this...” Armin said and gazed at his slippers.

“Whatever you need!” Hange said and grabbed his hand.

“How...how did you guys start dating?” Armin asked. The question hovered awkwardly in the air before Hange exchanged glances with Levi.

“I was an asshole,” Levi said quickly.

Hange elbowed him. “What Levi means is we both kind of liked each other already but we weren't sure how we felt about each other. He asked to kiss me out of no where, I let him...and then we talked about why he kissed me and we started dating.”

Levi snorted. “You ran away after the kiss.”

“Hanjo, you ran away?” Armin asked.

Hange glared at him and flushed red. “Yeah, I did. Word to the wise: I highly recommend just explaining how you feel before you go into a kiss out of the blue.”

“You planning on dating someone?” Levi asked and adjusted his glasses.

Armin laughed a little unnaturally. “Something like that...um, breakfast! And we have a gift for Hanjo!”

“All right, we're coming!” Hange said. Armin rushed over and steadied her as she stood up.

“I don't need help, Armin, you're worse than your father,” she said. Armin put his arms around her and squeezed.

“You might not need help, but I want to be close to you,” he said. Hange hugged him.

“I love you so much,” she said. Levi went ahead of them and Armin had his arm around Hange's waist. He kissed her temple as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Clorox stalked close by.

When they got to the kitchen, Leigh was putting the food on the table while Samson held Windex. She pressed her forehead against his jaw.

“She really likes you,” Hange said as she sat down.

“Well, I like her,” Samson said. “I hope I don't make you upset, but I don't really care about cats. I really like your cats, they're amazing.”

“I'll forgive you because my cats _are_ amazing,” Levi said. Samson laughed and kissed Windex's forehead. Lysol looked plaintively up at Leigh and she smiled back.

“Did you all sleep well?” Hange asked.

“Yes, Hanjo,” Leigh said. Hange smiled at her. It was obvious she'd practiced for that moment over and over.

“Now eat up, you're eating for two,” Samson said. Leigh was the one to stack her plate high with waffles (and who was Hange to say no to them?). Breakfast was delicious and she rubbed her stomach in satisfaction and she loved that because of how round it was it was extra convincing. She leaned back in her chair.

“That was great. I don't see how the day can get better,” she said.

“I can!” Samson said. Armin slid a gift bag toward her.

“We couldn't find the t-shirt that was perfect, so we decided to make a few of our own,” he said.

Hange pulled one out and Levi started to laugh. It was a large, black maternity t-shirt with a strategically placed Death Star. She pulled out another navy blue shirt with the disk of the Enterprise right over her stomach.

“Wow!” she said. “I love these.”

She blinked rapidly and held out her arms. Armin and Samson rushed in for a hug. Levi had to push Leigh over. She squeezed them all.

“Thank you so much,” she said softly. When she released them, Leigh began to twist a lock of her hair.

“Um...I was thinking...would you want to do a pregnancy photoshoot? With Levi and Armin? I'll take the pictures I'm pretty ah...I can take pictures,” Leigh said.

“She's pretty good. I'll vouch for her,” Samson said.

“Yes! We can take pictures in the garden!” she cried. She grabbed Levi's hand. “What do you think?”

Levi smiled and squeezed her hand. “Sure. Why not?”

Armin put a hand on Leigh's shoulder. “Leigh go get changed and get your equipment. Samson and I will clean the kitchen.”

Samson flopped over the table. “Ugh, why'd you volunteer me?”

“I'll help,” Levi said.

“No, I'm just being dramatic. You're the subject of a photoshoot, go get ready,” Samson said. Levi snorted and put his hand at the small of Hange's back.

“You heard the man, let's go,” he said. She nodded and they went upstairs to their room. She hopped into the shower and Levi joined her.

“We'll be faster if we shower together,” he said.

“Always efficient,” she said.

“Lies. It's partially because I wanted to see you naked and kiss you.”

She snorted. “We didn't have to shower for you to do that. And we can't take too long.”

He hummed in agreement and held her face and gave her a probing, earnest kiss. “That's all I wanted.”

She smiled and kissed his nose before returning to washing off. They finished, dried off, and she put on her new Star Wars t-shirt. Levi smiled.

“It looks good on you,” he said.

“I love it! I'm going to use it even after the baby is born,” she said. He sighed. She came over and held his face, rubbing her thumbs over his cheeks.

“You've been quiet today,” she said.

He gently held her wrists. “No more than usual.”

She hummed and kissed the bridge of his nose. He hugged around her waist.

“I'm just thinking a lot,” he said. He put his head on her shoulder. “We should finish getting dressed. Don't want those kids waiting.”

They changed and went outside to the garden. Levi helped Hange to settle on the grass. Levi held her close, pressing his forehead against her neck. She leaned into his warmth holding his hand over her belly.

The back door was flung open.

“Stay just like that!” Leigh cried. She all but jumped over the deck railing and landed in the perfect photographer's kneel. She frowned.

“I ruined the moment, didn't I?” she said.

Hange laughed. Armin and Samson followed after.

“I'll say,” Samson said.

“Come on, everyone just relax, the pictures will be fine,” Armin said. He kneeled next to Leigh and leaned in close her ear. “That means you relax too.”

Leigh's face flushed red as he walked away and came to Hange's side. She put her arm around him.

“Look at the effect you have on her,” she whispered to him. Armin's gaze turned to Leigh. Her face was bright red.

“I...I know. Let's just focus on you now,” he said. He put his hand on her belly and kissed her cheek. And all they heard was the click of the shutter.

* * *

 

It was late, but Leigh wanted to get the pictures edited quickly. She was in the basement, adjusting the photos, but she lingered on one in particular. She sighed. It was of Levi and Hange, and they looked just so adorable and perfect. She felt a little envious and rested her head on her hand. She jumped when she heard the door to Armin's room open.

“Still awake?” he said and sat beside her on the couch.

“Yeah. I want to finish these,” she said.

He draped his arm over her shoulders. “Don't overwork yourself. Zozo and Levi are very patient.”

“Yeah...” she turned back to the picture on her screen.

“That's a great photo,” Armin said.

“It is,” she said. “It's more than just the lighting and composition. Just look.” She turned the screen toward him. “The way he looks at her...I can't describe it. But it's so warm and loving and it only seems to make her pregnancy glow even stronger. They seem to light each other up with just a look. I just want to know what it's like to have someone look at you like that.”

They were both silent. She took her laptop back and kept her eyes on the screen. She'd said too much. He brushed some hair away from her neck and she shivered.

“You mean...the way I'm looking at you right now?” Armin said. Her heart was beating so fast and she could barely breathe. She looked up at him, afraid that this was all a dream.

“Armin can I kiss your stupid face?” she blurted out. “I-I mean it's not stup—”

“Yes,” he said quickly and pulled her in for a kiss. He brushed his lips gently against hers and she grabbed the fabric of Armin's t-shirt in her fist.

“Relax,” he said. He pressed his lips against hers. It was only for a few seconds, but it felt like eternity, and she wished it would never end. When he pulled away, she looked down. He held her chin and tilted her head so she had to look at him.

“I...I've loved you for a long time and...please date me,” Armin said.

Leigh was almost offended that he felt he had to ask.

“Yes. Yes of course I will you idiot!” she said.

Armin kissed her forehead. “Good night. Don't stay up too late.”

“Good night...lover. Wait, no, I don't like that. Wait, do you mind if I call you that? What do I—”

Armin laughed and came back and tilted her chin up so he could give her quick peck on the lips.

“We'll figure it out,” Armin said.

“Yeah...um. Well just good night. For now.”

Armin chuckled as he went back to his room. “So you know, my door is open.”

He deliberately left his door ajar and gave her a wink before went inside. Leigh looked at her screen, back at Armin's door and then back again. She snapped it shut before following him to his bed.

* * *

 

Hange was awake with Levi's head on her stomach and Clorox in her arms. Clorox's tail brushed against Levi's forehead and he swatted it lazily.

“You could move,” she said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“I want to hear the baby,” Levi said.

“You can't hear the baby,” she said.

“Lies. I can hear plenty of things,” he said.

Hange just laughed and ran the back of her fingers against his cheek. Levi had a small smile, Hange couldn't tell if he was tired or worried. He looked up at her.

“Don't give me that look,” he said. “I'm really happy, I'm not used to having so many good things in my life. I really love my family.” He gripped his shirt over his chest. “I know it's going to sound lame but...sometimes my heart can't take it. Please don't tell anyone. Especially not Erwin...”

“Your secret's safe with me,” she said. “But I think everyone can see how happy you are.”

Oh god that disarming smile that made his scowl disappear. It made her blush every time. Clorox hopped out of her arms as Levi leaned up for a kiss. He held her face as he kissed each lip before he slowly searched her mouth. He didn't stay there for too long, he kissed the corners of her mouth and her cheeks. Before he could go further, there was a knock on the door, hesitant. They both knew who it was immediately. Hange licked her lips and ran her fingers through her hair as Levi moved so he was sitting next to her. He held her hand and squeezed.

“Come in,” Levi said. It was Armin, with a noticeable hickey on his neck. She smirked and Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Good morning,” Hange said.

“Good morning...um...”Armin wrung his hands a bit. “How soon is too soon to sleep with someone you like?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record Leigh and Armin didn't have sex, they snuggled a bit and made out a lot.
> 
> They're super awkward and second guess themselves and it's cute and you know it.


	57. Chapter 57

Hange stood at the window and waited as patiently as she could. Levi poked her stomach and put his arm around her waist.

“Staring won’t make him come home any sooner,” Levi said. She turned to him briefly and smiled as she kept her eyes on the road.

“I missed him, I can’t wait anymore,” she said. She put her hands on her stomach. “I can’t wait for either of my kids any longer. I want us all to be together.”

Levi sighed and put his head on her shoulder. “It will happen.”

The back door swung open.

“Levi, Hange? You home?”

“We're in the living room, Eren,” Levi said. He sneaked a few kisses on her neck as they heard Eren take off his boots at the back door. As Eren entered the room, Hange glanced over her shoulder and waved.

“Armin’s not here yet,” Levi said.

“Aw, well...I’ll be by another time then,” Eren said. Hange held out her hand to him.

“No, no, Eren! Wait with us,” she said.

“You have to stay. I’m not enough distraction for Hange. I already have to rely on our baby to distract her. When she gets anxious about waiting, I just poke the kid until they start kicking and then she wants to take notes,” Levi said.

Eren glanced between the two of them awkwardly.

“Oh. Um…” he began. Lysol pawed at his pant leg. Eren smiled and picked her up. “I'll stay then.”

Lysol snuggled with Eren as he sat on the couch. Hange joined him, Levi close behind.

“Lysol's not one to have particular favorites, she likes everyone. But if I had to choose, I'd say it's you,” Hange said. Eren smiled.

“You think so?” he said.

“I know—shit!” Hange squeezed her eyes shut as the baby decided now was a good time to flip over. Eren watched her stomach with some fascination.

“You know, I've delivered a baby or two, but I've never actually been around a person this late in pregnancy. Not for this long or without some sort of trauma being involved,” he said.

“They're basically fully formed right now, so they move around a lot. Plus, they recognize voices and they react accordingly sometimes,” Hange said.

“You think the baby recognizes my voice?” Eren asked.

A tiny foot was suddenly visible through Hange's shirt.

“I'd say they do,” Levi said.

Eren grinned sheepishly. “That's actually very cool.”

He reached out to place his hand over her stomach but stopped. Levi rolled his eyes and Hange grabbed his hand.

“Eren, I appreciate your respect for my personal space, but of all people you know I'd let you touch my baby belly,” she said.

“I-I figured, but, it doesn't hurt to be sure,” he said. Hange grinned, she felt the baby shift just slightly as Eren rested his hand on her stomach.

“You've been blessed by being allowed into Hange's pregnancy glow,” Levi said.

“Oh, shut up,” Hange said.

“Well, Hange, I have to admit that since you became pregnant, you give off a serious 'mom' vibe, for lack of a more neutral term.”

“Don't start with that 'healing earth mother' stuff,” Levi said.

“No, no! Not like that. That's my more my mom, honestly. But Hange, you're just...whatever Armin means when he calls you 'Hanjo' that's what it is.”

Hange could see Levi's raised eyebrow, but she hugged Eren.

“I know what you mean,” she said

The doorbell rang. Hange started to get up.

“Ah! It's Armin,” she said. She started to get up, but honestly couldn't. Levi was already on his feet. He nodded to Eren.

“Don't let her get up,” he said. Hange sighed and held Eren's hand. “Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. If you think I'm in 'Hanjo' mode, Levi's in 'territorial chihuahua dad' mode. He's over protective of us, so I don't bother to fight him too much. Right now.”

“Are Leigh and Samson going to be here?” Eren asked.

“Not this time around. They said they wanted to wait until after the baby was born, Leigh wants to do another photoshoot for us,” Hange said.

Eren snugged Windex.

“I wanted to dislike them, but I can't. I know exactly why Armin fell in love with Leigh and I know why he likes being around Samson,” he said. “I just want him to be happy. Every time I watch his videos, I can see it. Every time I see his face...he's one of my dearest friends. I'm glad he's finally found someone and an outlet that made him light up the way he does.”

“Hanjo? Eren?”

Hange's heart fluttered at the sound of Armin's voice, mirroring the baby's sudden shift. Armin entered the room and ran to her, kneeling in front of her and hugging her tightly.

“I missed you,” he said. She squeezed him. She hated that she was a lot more prone to crying, but she buried her face in his shoulder.

“Eren, help me with Armin's bags,” Levi said. Eren nodded and ran out to get more of Armin's things. Armin just rested his head on Hange's stomach while she played with is hair. He let out a long sigh.

“It's good to be home,” he said.

* * *

Everyone turned in early. Eren didn't stay for dinner, he had a shift that evening. Armin was exhausted because of the trip home and Hange was just always exhausted.

Unfortunately for Hange, her early night was not peaceful. She couldn't sleep for reasons she didn't want to worry Levi over. At about three in the morning, she swallowed hard as she watched the stopwatch on her phone. She tapped it and let out a long sigh. Another one was over. Levi rolled over and looked up at her with bleary, half focused eyes.

“Need help getting adjusted?” he asked. She shook her head. Levi rubbed his eyes and yawned. “You haven't slept all night. What's going on?”

She bit her lip. Should she tell him? It was probably nothing. She ran her fingers through his hair. No, he deserved to know.

“I’ve been timing my contractions,” she said.

He sat up now.

“How long have you been having them?” he asked. Hange hunched her shoulders. He held her arm, she could feel his hands trembling. She looked him in the eye.

“Since dinner time,” she said. Levi jumped out of bed.

“Shit, Hange, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he said. He rushed around, getting their prepared bags together. Hange watched him and sighed.

“Please calm down! The contractions have been really inconsistent. Two minutes, then thirty minutes, then eight minutes. Real contractions are supposed to get progressively closer together, not be all over the place,” she said. “We’ve already rushed to the hospital for a false alarm once.”

Levi paused. “Still...” he came over and held her face. “You’ve had the contractions since dinner right? This is the longest you’ve ever had them.”

He nuzzled against her neck and she sighed.

“Okay. Let's go just to be safe,” she said. Despite her every instinct telling her it was not time, there was a chance she was wrong. It wouldn't hurt to go. Levi rushed downstairs with her bags and she changed into a T shirt and a pair of stretchy pants. She walked downstairs one hand on the railing, the other resting on her stomach. Levi rushed past her once or twice, ran to get Armin, brought the cats over to her parents' house. By the time she reached the door, the car was packed up. Levi came to her side and with one hand at the small of her back and the other holding her hand helped her to the car.

“Levi...” she said softly. He squeezed her hand.

“Yes? What do you need?” he said quickly.

His eyes were wide, his brow was furrowed, he was pale. She almost laughed because his face made it look like he was the one in labor.

“I need you to calm down,” she said and cupped his cheek.

He scowled.

“I'll try. But please remember, I love you and I love my baby. If something happens...if you two leave Armin and I alone...”

She kissed him. “We'll be fine.”

The drive was uneventful. Levi and Armin went back and forth with their plan of action. Hange just watched the street lights as they passed.

“Are you okay, Hanjo?” Armin said.

“I'm fine. Don't you worry,” she said.

“That's my job,” Levi said.

Hange sighed. “And you do it well...”

Levi reached for her hand and he took it. Armin placed his hand over both of theirs. Hange couldn't help but smile. They would be fine one way or another.

* * *

Another false alarm. Levi apologized profusely as they drove home in the early hours of the morning. Hange was now too exhausted to do more than wave them away and fall asleep. She didn't remember getting out of the car, maybe Levi carried her to her bed. But when she woke up she was in her room and Armin was sleeping at her side. She was carefully arranged in a nest of pillows, and Windex was draped across her stomach. She stroked behind Windex's ears.

“No baby yet,” she said softly.

“Oh, good you're awake,” Levi said as he entered the room. He sat on the bed and put his hand on Windex's back. “I called the lab and told them you'd be out today. It's up to you if you want to go in.”

She shook her head and leaned back on her pillows.

“I just want to rest and spend the day with Armin,” she said.

Levi kissed her.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

“Don't apologize for shit. What would have happened if we had to have an emergency home birth and we weren't prepared for it?” Hange said.

Armin rolled over. “I would have called Eren.”

Levi grinned. “Yeah. His supervisor says that when they have an emergency response to a situation involving a pregnant woman, Eren is the best to have on the team. He's calm and encouraging.”

“Well, let's hope I don't _need_ to have Eren come and deliver the baby. Plus there'd be a lot of mess,” Hange said.

Levi's smile faded into a grimace. “But I'd have my baby. So it might be worth it.”

“Speaking of Eren, Armin, will you two help me finish clearing out my office at the end of the week? It's mostly done, I just have a few more boxes that were too heavy to move.”

“Sure thing, Hanjo,” Armin said as he reached for her hand. Levi was not going to be forgotten. He held her face and she turned to him.

“I'm stressing you out,” he said.

She sighed. “Not really...”

“Yes, really. I can't stop birth from hurting, so I just want you to be safe. Apart from executing our hospital plans and staying by your side, I don't know what else to do.”

She pulled Levi down for a forehead kiss. “It's enough.”

Armin wormed his way over and hugged her. Levi snorted and hugged them both.

“You two get some sleep. I'm sorr—”

“If you apologize one more time, I'm going to drink all of your tea,” Hange said.

“Understood,” Levi said. He kissed her cheek and Armin groaned.

“You guys are so gross,” he said.

Levi gave Armin's hair a light tug.

“You're just jealous because Leigh isn't here for you to make out with,” Levi said.

Armin laughed. “Yeah, a little.”

Armin yawned as Levi left, Hange assumed to make himself breakfast. She was just too tired to eat at the moment. Armin must have felt the same way, because he'd fallen asleep with his head against her shoulder. She rubbed her nose in his hair and held him until she fell asleep herself.

* * *

Levi's anxiety over the baby being due any day was driving Hange up a wall. There were certain things she thought were endearing: his spontaneous cuddles, making sure she was eating and resting enough, watching her fall asleep. Other things, such as his being overly excitable over her slightest discomfort and constantly asking if she was okay...she honestly could do without. He was almost as bad as Moblit, who still was very jumpy. It took Hange forever to convince him she didn't need help every time she got out of her chair.

Armin was a lot more relaxed so she spent the past few days catching up with him. On her last day of work, he made her breakfast after Levi had gone for the day (and before Levi left, he asked if she was feeling any contractions at least three times). Eren casually came in through the back door just as Armin brought breakfast to the table.

“Morning,” Armin said.

“Hey,” Eren replied. “I know I'm a bit early, but my shift just ended and I didn't want to go home just to run back out.”

Hange turned to him as he sat down to remove his shoes.

“Oh, Eren, I'm sorry I didn't know you had a shift. You don't have to help me move my stuff, just have breakfast with us and go home and rest,” she said.

Eren waved his hand. “No, no. I want to help you.”

He came over and took a seat between her and Armin. She put her hand on his arm.

“I appreciate the help, but I want you to rest,” she said.

Eren smirked. “I don't think I could rest if I knew you had heavy boxes to lift and I didn't help you.”

“You're not going to win this one, Hanjo,” Armin said.

She sighed, but couldn't hide her smile.

“All right, you can help,” she said.

Hange was secretly glad. She didn't want to alarm Armin, but she was having contractions again, she had since early this morning. And they were alarmingly consistent. They weren't very painful and if she were actually in the early stages of labor, there was no need to rush and she just wanted to relax. She knew the bags were ready. She just wanted to get her things moved and then maybe if the contractions had gotten worse she would tell the boys and call Levi.

Armin drove and she remained quiet as he and Eren talked on the way to the campus. Moblit met them at the door. He exchanged small talk with Armin as they went to her office, but Eren walked beside her.

“Hey...um, Hange? Can I say something?” he asked.

“Yeah, Eren, what's wrong?” she asked. “Are you okay?”

“I'm okay, but you're very quiet. Are you feeling all right?” he asked. She couldn't lie to him, but she didn't want Armin and Moblit to get excited. She grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“Yeah,” she said softly. But she couldn't meet his eyes. He leaned over and lowered his voice.

“How long?” he asked.

“If it's eleven o'clock now...about five hours?”

“Keep me posted, okay?”

She nodded and he released her hand. That simple exchange left her so distracted that she couldn't really focus on moving the boxes. Thankfully, Moblit gave most of the direction and Hange rested on the couch alternating between napping, and wincing at the pain that felt suspiciously like slightly stronger cramps.

They were down to the last few boxes and she stood up and looked around her now empty office. She already missed the place. She put her hand on her desk and sighed. This job was the whole reason she moved next to Levi in the first place. She placed her hand over her stomach. Maybe she'd regret it in a few hours, but she was happy with the direction her life was headed because of this job.

Regret came sooner than she thought. Another contraction came on, this one stronger than ever. She leaned on the desk for support as her legs began to wobble. It was ill timed as Armin, Moblit, and Eren all returned to see her doubled over in pain.

“Oh my god, it's time!” Moblit shouted. Armin was frozen in place, but Eren strode forward calmly and led her back to the couch. This contraction lasted a bit longer than the rest. Eren timed it for her. Armin regained his senses, and took his place at her side, while Moblit paced back and forth. Once the pain seemed to pass she took Armin's hand in one of hers and held the other out to Eren.

“Do you want to go to the hospital now?” Eren asked. Hange nodded. “Do you want an ambulance?”

She shook her head. “I have a standing order with Hannes on campus security to drive me to the hospital. It's one we're affiliated with so it's not far.”

“Okay. Moblit, call Hannes,” Eren said. Moblit quickly took off to make the call. “Armin, call Levi and tell him to meet Hange at the hospital. I suggest you drive her things back to the house. I'll stay with Hange. I won't leave her until you guys arrive,” Eren said.

Armin nodded and hurried off, cell phone in hand. She continued to hold Eren's hand, her own getting a bit shaky and sweaty. Eren put his free hand over hers.

“It's normal to be nervous but try to relax. Do you have any breathing exercises you want to use?” he asked.

“No. Am I in trouble if I don't have them?” she asked.

“You'll be fine. Don't tell me you're suddenly too shy to finally meet your baby!”

She smirked. “I am not!”

“Have you thought of any names?”

“A few. Levi was dead set on Aaron. I told him it sounded too much like 'Eren.' He said, and I quote: 'That's the point.'”

Eren blushed and laughed. “You imitate him a little too well.”

“Oh, come on. You know you imitate Mikasa all the time.”

“I do, guilty as charged.”

Talking helped calm her down until Hannes arrived. Hannes took her arm and cracked jokes with her during the drive to the hospital, which distracted Hange from the looming fact that these contractions were a very real sign that going into actual labor. During the process of checking in, she had another, longer contraction. Eren called her parents, her siblings, Mike and Nanaba, Oluo and Petra, Erwin and Marie, and Pixis. Once she was settled, Eren sat next to her while she called Levi herself.

“Are you okay?” he asked quickly.

“Yes, I'm fine. Are you driving?” she asked.

“No, I just got all the stuff from your office out of the car and Armin's got your bags. Are you okay?”

“You asked that already and I told you I'm fine. Eren is here, I'm in the hospital, it's still only the early stages of labor but the contractions are getting stronger. Don't rush.”

Levi sighed. “We're on our way. Do you need me to call anyone?”

“No. Eren and I called my family and most of our friends. I would have called your father, but I didn't know how you felt about that.”

“I'll call him and tell him about you myself.”

“If he wants to come and see us, I'm okay with it if you are. Just so you know.”

“Thank you. I'll be there soon. I love you. I love you both. And thank Eren for me.”

“I will. We love you too.”

Levi hung up abruptly. Hange leaned back on the pillows while Eren leaned on the rail next to her bed.

“Sorry I'm not doing much,” Eren said.

“Well, nothing much is happening with me yet. The hospital staff is here to do most of your job anyway. And you're doing the most important task of all, which is being here so Levi won't worry too much,” Hange said. Her silent wish was that Levi's mother didn't find out about her. Levi was already on edge his mother showing up would just be a disaster. It was highly unlikely that she would. Levi wouldn't tell her, the few times he tried to tell his mother about the pregnancy, it seemed she never really remembered. They saw her once and it seemed she might have been too drunk or high to do much more than remark about how fat Hange had gotten. His father wouldn't tell, Hange was certain. She let out a long sigh.

“Don't worry. You're doing great so far,” Eren said. “Once Levi and Armin get here, they'll support you.”

She ran her fingers through his hair as he blinked slowly.

“You have got to be exhausted,” she said.

“A bit. But what's the point of all my emergency work if I don't help those closest to me when they need it?” Eren said.

As she gently pinched his cheek, there was a soft knock on the door. Her heart fluttered as she hoped it was Levi. Instead it was Moblit. She was only slightly disappointed.

“I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Moblit said. “Can I stay until Levi gets here?”

“You most certainly can!” Hange said. “Will you do me a favor?”

“Absolutely!” Moblit said as he came closer to the bed.

“Will you drive Eren home so he can rest when Levi and Armin arrive? He's been working all night.”

“Of course!”

Eren started to protest, but Hange patted his head. “Please, it will make me relax to know you're home resting.”

“All right,” Eren said. Hange started to get out of bed. Moblit tried to push her back, his hands on both her shoulders.

“Dr. Hange, maybe you should stay—”

Eren stood up. “Nope. Let her walk. It will help the labor move along.”

Hange hugged Eren's arm as they started down the hall, Moblit wringing his hands beside them.

“Please calm down, Moblit, you're giving me a heart attack,” Hange said.

“S-sorry. Are you sure this is okay?” Moblit asked.

“I'm sure,” Eren said. “Has your water broken yet?”

Hange shook her head. “Is that a bad thing?”

Eren shrugged. “Nah. With some births a doctor might break the water for you. Don't worry about it.”

They walked around the maternity ward together, pausing only when a contraction happened. There was no doubt in Hange's mind that they were getting stronger. Still, she wanted to wander around a bit. By the time they returned, Armin and Levi were waiting for them. Levi ran for her and all but crushed her in a hug.

“They told me you were walking around, and I know you need to but I was worried,” Levi said. “Are you okay?”

“Stop asking that!” Hange said. “I'm fine.”

Eren put his hand on Levi's shoulder.

“Look, I'm just a kid, I know,” Eren said. “But I've been through a few deliveries and I can safely say, that Hange, as a healthy woman with a healthy baby in a hospital has a very minimal chance of dying. And if your baby has shown no signs of abnormality so far, it's reasonable to say they will also be fine. I know it's hard to see her in pain, but please remember if you're nervous and upset, she can't relax and then the pain will be worse. Please do what you can to calm down for her sake.”

Levi glared at him.

“Levi, please,” Hange began. He released her and marched over to Eren. It was very odd to see Eren terrified of someone who was almost a whole head shorter than him, but Hange supposed it was fairly easy given Levi's current state. Levi hugged Eren. Tightly it seemed. Eren looked bewildered and ready to faint.

“Thank you,” was all Levi said.

“Y-yeah...” Eren whispered.

“You too, Moblit. Thank you both for keeping her safe,” Levi said. “Eren, go home and rest.”

“All right,” Eren said softly. Moblit motioned for Eren to follow.

“I'll be back too see you guys when I wake up!” Eren said.

“Sure!” Hange said. “You come to see me too, Moblit!”

“I'll only come back when it's all over and the baby is here…” Moblit said.

Hange sat on the bed, Armin next to her. Levi pulled a chair over so he could sit in front of her. He held her hands.

“So it's the real thing, huh?” he said.

She shrugged. “I don't know. The contractions are stronger and getting consistently closer, but my water hasn't—”

She had to pause. She felt a distinct gush, like her period starting, which alarmed her. Because blood this late in pregnancy was not good. When she moved, only more fluid started to flow, and she noted this was not bloody at all. She pushed Armin away from her a little and Levi took a step back.

“Was that your water breaking?” Levi asked.

She grimaced and looked up at him.

“Seems so. Are your shoes okay?”

Levi held her face and kissed her forehead.

“You're about to have a baby and you're worried about my shitty shoes,” he said. “They're fine. I'll ask for someone to clean this up.”

As he left to find a nurse, Hange put her arm around Armin's shoulders.

“You don't have to stay if you don't feel comfortable,” she said. He shook his head.

“I want to be here for you. You're my Hanjo,” he said.

“All right, but you have a get out of jail free card. Which I really don't have and Levi...well he can leave whenever he wants but I might be tempted to break his arm if he does.”

Levi returned to hear the last half of the conversation. He ushered Hange back into bed.

“I'm not leaving you,” he said.

“I know, Short Ass,” she said. “I want a glass of water and a back rub so bad right now.”

“I'll get the water!” Armin declared. Levi eased over so he could massage her. She sighed.

“I'm going to be a disgusting mess,” she said.

“Yeah you are. I wish you didn't have to go through this,” he said. He kissed the back of her neck.

“I'm a little scared but...this is for them,” she said and rested her hands on her stomach. Levi stopped massaging her so he could rest his hands over hers.

“Whatever I have to do, just tell me,” he said.

She leaned against him.

“I want to watch a movie,” she said.

“I'll get it. Which one? Labyrinth? The Last Unicorn? Dark Crystal? Hylander?” Levi asked.

“Rocky. All the Rocky movies,” she said.

Hange looked over her shoulder at him pleadingly. Levi raised his eyebrows and smirked before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“I'll call Pixis and ask him if he can bring them from the library for you.”

She clapped her hands. Her joy was short lived as her body was gripped with pain, it crept toward her lower back and radiated all over her body. She squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. When she opened her eyes, Armin had returned with her water, she'd been in so much pain she hadn't heard him. But he had one hand trapped in her vice grip and Levi had the other.

“Hanjo, I don't think anyone would fault you if you cried,” Armin said.

She needed to hear that. She wouldn't say the flood gates opened, but she allowed a few tears to fall. The pain was getting beyond what she could manage. Hange hated the idea that she'd be reduced to lying on her back, screaming. Well, not quite, she opted for a hospital that had much nicer accommodations and had beds that allowed her to sit more upright. But her family was there, she knew she could be vulnerable with them.

The next hour or so was agonizing. The only comfort Hange had was that she could predict when the pain was coming, but it would get worse and longer every time. Levi, as promised, never left her. He took a few phone calls from her family. From what she could gather, Michelle and Ariana would not stop crying, her parents and Shawn would be there in a few hours, and Rick was slightly panicking. But they were all certain she'd be fine. Hange did not believe it, as she was the one currently in pain, but she' d have to trust them.

A nurse entered, which was not unusual. All Hange could do was smile.

“I'm not really here for a check up. I have a person here to see you, said his name was Vern. He says he has movies for you,” she said.

Hange turned to Levi.

“Do you want to see him?” Hange asked.

“I can go meet him at the desk. The bigger question is do you want to see him?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Yeah, I don't mind,” she said. “Send him over.”

The nurse nodded and left. Levi reached for her hand and Armin went over to stand by Levi.

“No, don't make this about me. I'm fine,” Levi said.

His father entered and Hange felt Levi tense ever so slightly. Vern nodded and held up the DVDs.

“All four Rocky movies. Pixis couldn't leave work and I have the fastest ride,” he said.

“Thank you for bringing them!” Hange said.

“I don't know if your TV has a DVD player so I bought mine,” he said.

“Thank you, but we have one here,” Levi said.

“I'll put the first one in, don't mind me,” he said.

Armin and Levi kept a watchful eye. He turned put in the first movie and Hange squealed in delight.

“I'm so happy!” she said.

“Glad I could help,” Vern said.

“Well, don't stand so far away, come over here and let me give you a hug!” she said. He came over and hesitantly let her hug him.

“I've got to be honest, you look like you went ten rounds already, Hanjo,” Vern said. Levi growled just slightly, but Hange giggled.

“I sure feel like I have,” she said.

“I'm sure you could still take the Italian Stallion. Heard you're quite the boxer.”

“Yeah! When I'm back to my old self, I'll challenge you to a match myself!”

“I look forward to it.”

Hange took his hand on in both of hers. “Really thank you. I needed something to distract me from the pain and help me relax.”

“Yeah, well...one of my many, many regrets is that I wasn't there when Levi was born. So anything you need, anything you want, let me know.”

“Come back and see the baby!” she said.

“I will, I promise,” he said. “I've got to go now, though.”

“Okay, good bye,” Hange said.

Vern left abruptly. Armin held her arm as Levi ran after him.

“He's gotten a lot better, but I can't help but literally feel Levi's nervousness whenever he's around,” Armin said.

“I know...” Hange said.

Levi returned and Hange watched him anxiously. Levi waved his hand.

“Don't look at me like that. Everything's fine,” he said. “I just gave him a hug is all.” He held her face. “Please, just focus on the baby right now. I'm really okay.”

She whimpered as she sensed a contraction coming on.

“J-just keep Rocky on. I don't care if we watch all the movies forty times, I need to have it,” she said.

In the end, she supposed it wouldn't matter if they stopped after the fourth. Every contraction was getting worse and worse, and the pain was increasing. She couldn't drink water after a while without spilling it, so Armin fed her ice cubes, Levi dabbed her forehead. In the middle of it all she squeezed his hand.

“Levi...what if after all this there is no baby?” she said. She only briefly read the look of horror across his face. “I mean what if this is the most epic of food babies and there's just a lot of shit?”

He just laughed weakly and dabbed her forehead.

“Then I've married the most awesome person in the world who could live through months of constipation and several hours of just shitting.”

She couldn't really laugh, but somehow she was still glad he was willing to joke with her. The nurses came to check her progress. She was almost fully dilated which meant only the worst was yet to come. She swallowed and turned to Levi.

“I can't go anymore,” she said. Levi didn't say anything, just kissed her. All she could do was cry.

“It's a little late for a c section,” Levi said. “If you're too exhausted—”

She took a long and shaky breath. “I can try. Just don't leave me.”

“I won't.”

The doctor tied up with another patient, that left her with just the nurses for the delivery. Hange was honestly fine with that, she had spent far more time with them by comparison.

“Okay, Dr. Hange you're going to feel the urge to push at some point,” the nurse said.

She was hoping to understand what this instinctive urge to push would feel like, and she certainly felt it. Even though she was at the height of the pain she had to push. And it was only the first time.

“That was beautiful Dr. Hange. You've got this! You'll be holding your baby in no time!”

At this point that promise was the only thing keeping her going. And she couldn't help but feel something would go wrong. She had to do all she could to make sure they were okay. And that meant pushing more. It felt like she'd be in an endless cycle of pushing and waiting to push forever.

“Dr. Hange, the baby's crowning, do you want to feel?”

Of course she did. She reached out her hand and the nurse guided it to the top of her baby's head. Almost there.

“We're going to change your position now. Next time you feel the urge to push, just ease up a bit, we don't want any severe tearing.”

Hange did not really want to move, but she'd gotten this far doing things that were uncomfortable and painful so she followed where she was movied. She curled her fingers around Levi's poor abused hand. Just a little more.

It may have been a few minutes, it may have been a few hours, but after all the harrowing pain, came a tiny cry. And even though her baby was covered in amniotic fluid and other grime, Hange reached for them.

Hange almost didn't hear the nurse tell her that she had a girl. They wiped the baby off, let Levi cut the umbilical cord, and her baby was left to rest on Hange's chest. Armin and Levi crowded around them. After she finished crying, she just closed her eyes for a bit on Hange's chest. After the initial crying, the baby was fairly quiet, maybe the sound of Hange's heart calmed her since it was familiar. She turned her dark eyes up to Armin, since her head was turned in his direction.

“Hey, Sis,” Armin said breathlessly. Levi tentatively reached a hand to touch her shock of dark hair. Hange held his cheek, but he didn't look at her. He was silent, tears welling up in his eyes.

“I love her,” he whispered.

“She hasn't even looked you in the eye yet,” Hange said.

“She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to do anything.”

Their baby bobbed her head around a little, Hange ran her hand down her back. She let out a soft coo.

“You were performing when you were inside my belly and screaming your head off when you came out, but now you want to be shy,” Hange said. She ran her fingers along her baby's little arms and gently rubbed the back of her fists.

“Did you guys decide on a name?” Armin asked.

“Asher,” Hange said.

“Asher Raye Hange Ackerman,” Levi said.

“Ash. I like it,” Armin said. With some difficulty, Asher bobbed her head until she could look over at Levi. He moved his face closer so she could see better.

“Hey, it's...I'm your...I'm your father,” he said. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. She hummed a little. She no longer seemed interested in introductions. She was moving her little arms and shoulders and nosing around Hange's chest making gruff little sounds as she moved.

“She sounds like you, that's for sure,” Hange said. One little hand found her nipple, somehow she seemed to know that was what she wanted, but she still was processing her surroundings.

“Don't tell me she's trying to feed already,” Levi said.

“It's possible. I asked for the skin to skin time so that way we could be close and maybe she'd sort of start to figure it out nursing before I spoke with the lactation coach,” she said. “I'm sorry, Armin. I should have warned you.”

“About what? You told me you were going to try breastfeeding, so I don't see what else you could have said. Plus you're my Hanjo and you've got to feed my sister so no need to be embarrassed or shy around me.”

“I just want to try it for a solid month. We'll introduce bottles before you head back to school so you can help with feeding,” Hange said.

“She might not like bottles,” Levi said. He was rubbing her cheek gently.

“Please don't be fussy like your father,” Hange said. Hange gently rubbed Asher's back and discussed dinner plans. She was starved and a bit thirsty. Armin ran to get her more water. As he left Levi kissed Hange's forehead.

“I love you. I love you so much,” he said.

“I love you too,” she said. “Thanks for being here. Did I say something shitty to you?”

“Nothing I can't handle,” he said. “I'm going to get us a pizza. Is that okay?”

“I'll eat anything,” she said.

“I wonder what she'll like.”

“You're the one who's been reading about homemade baby food for the past three months.”

“I'm making my case for being the perfect househusband if needed,” he said.

“You're already the perfect househusband.”

Asher wormed her way over to Hange's breast finally and nosed around.

“She's catching on,” Levi said.

“I thought she'd need more time,” Hange said.

Armin returned with the water.

“I hoped to get it to you in time,” he said. “You need to be hydrated when you breastfeed.”

Hange thanked him and drained the glass. Asher was cooing to herself and bobbing her head trying to get the right angle.

“You got it, sweet baby,” Hange said softly.

No soon her had she said it, Asher's mouth find the right spot. Sort of. Her lips were in the wrong place, her mouth should have been open wider. But she found it. Hange gently cradled Asher's head.

“We've got this, Ash,” Hange said. Asher turned her eyes up toward her face finally. Hange couldn't help it, a tear slid down her cheek.

* * *

Levi had often adjusted what he thought was the most beautiful sight in the world. Being young and in need of a degree of control in his life, the sight of his perfectly clean room was the most beautiful sight in the world. It was for a long time, into his adult hood. Eventually, he bought his house and along came Lysol and Windex. Then it was the sight of his beautifully decorated home and his two cats curled in his lap that was the most beautiful thing he'd seen in the world. And he would have been content for the rest of his life.

Then Hange appeared. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, even before he fully admitted to himself how deeply he felt, she had become the most beautiful thing in the world. When she ran out of the house, hair a mess, but a bright smile reserved for him. When she'd work in her garden, with a contented look. When she'd lean on the gate between their yards. When she'd laugh, loud and obnoxiously. And as they grew closer, he was unsure of which version of her he thought was most beautiful. When she was cuddling the cats. When she was asleep in his arms. The look she'd get after she kissed him. When she blushed and smirked.

Then they basically stared a family and it got even more difficult. Because seeing her with Armin made him happy. When they'd both turn to him at almost the same time and invite him into the circle of affection without a word.

Then there were more intimate things about Hange that killed him, like the way she looked after he'd throughly loved her; her flushed face, swollen lips, and shining eyes. When she was sitting naked on the edge of the bed, when she was fresh out the shower and still smelled of his favorite soap, when she was wearing his underwear that also were ranked among the most beautiful things.

His heart was already full, but then Hange's prengancy gave him more things to love. Her softly rounded stomach, he actually saw once, feeling the baby's kicks, seeing the occasional foot or hand as the baby stretched and moved. It couldn't have been comfortable for Hange, but it was so awe inspiring and hew as humbled by the idea of being a father to this tiny person in Hange's stomach.

The actual birth was not that pretty, it never was. And Asher was wrinkly and red and small, but he thought she was precious and more importantly his. He couldn't think of anything that could surpass this. Until she was put in Hange's arms. And all he could do was lay on the bed beside them in silence and watch. They were beautiful. Hange's smile looking at her baby her hands exploring Asher's little body to make sure she was all right, Asher's bright eyes looking up at Hange. He almost felt like he didn't deserve to be there. It was too beautiful, too perfect.

He got up from the bed.

“I'm getting you some food. Armin's going to be back with the rest of your things,” he said.

“Good,” Hange said dreamily. He cast one last look over them, his beautiful family. He didn't know what to get her exactly, he returned with pizza and salad. And then another contender met him when he opened her hospital door. Armin was sitting on the bed next to Hange as she held a sleeping Asher. He was going over scripts for the show with Hange and she was offering her two cents. But they seemed like such an easy family. And just when hew as feeling unworthy, like he should leave the food and back away, they all turned to him, the ones that were able to smile did. He didn't say anything. He held Asher almost jealously as the two of them ate. He was unable to speak. This was the most beautiful things in the world and he was part of it. He was partially responsible for it. He didn't bring destruction, everyone was happy, everyone wanted him there. He looked down at Asher as she rested easily in his arms. He rubbed her cheeks gently and kissed her nose. He didn't even know how to describe this. It was beyond love.

“Some comments,” Levi said.

“Go for it,” Hange said.

“One: She's very small. I am no longer the smallest one in the family,” he said. “I like that.”

“Thank you!”

“Two: she's quite pink. I was hoping we'd have an ambiguously brown baby. Y'know like you,” Levi said.

Hange snorted. “She might get a little more brown as she gets older, but your pasty ass ruined the chances of a brown baby entirely.”

“I will accept the blame for that. Three: her nose is cute but it's not your nose.”

Hange smirked. “She has your nose. That's why it's so cute.”

Levi kissed Asher's nose. “I did something right then.”

He wondered if anyone ever felt this way about him when he was this tiny. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Hange was smiling at him gently.

“You need to eat too, Levi,” Armin said. “You're a dad now, you can't pass out from exhaustion.”

He nodded. “First, I was already a dad to begin with.”

Armin smiled. “That's right.”

“Second: I'll eat soon, you two finish first.”

They left him alone to fawn over his baby. Hange took Asher back so Levi could eat, and he couldn't stop examining her over and over.

“She's growing on me,” Hange said.

“Yeah,” he said. She kissed his forehead.

“Thank you, she's perfect.”

“You did all the work,” he said.

“In order to get this particular baby, I needed you,” she said.

“Maybe.”

“Definitely,” Armin said. He let out a loud yawn.

“Armin, you need to rest. You haven't stopped going for the past twenty hours,” Hange said.

“I will soon,”Armin said.

She turned to Levi. “You should rest too. You've been super stressed out.”

“Yeah,” he said. But he wanted to watch over Asher more. He felt like he couldn't let her out of his sight, like he'd betray her if he fell asleep. But Hange made him make up his bed (they had a chair that converted into a pretty decent one) and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He awoke with a start. He hadn't wanted to fall asleep, but he had. He didn't realize how tired he was. Asher was whining in her sleep and he jumped up to do something. Before he could take action, he saw he was unneeded. In the dim light of the side lamp, he saw Hange cradling her. It was as though she didn't see him, she pulled down her hospital gown so Asher could get to her breast. She latched on quickly, pressing her little fist against her face as she began to suck. Levi leaned his head on his hand and watched them. Of all the things he never deserved to see, Hange breastfeeding his baby was one of them. But somehow, he lucked out. He was seeing it. He didn't need to be invited into the circle of warmth. He dare to intrude on his own, kissing the top of Asher's little head. Hange stroked his face. He was happy for once to see her unshed tears, happy he was partly responsible for her happiness. He held her face with both his hands and planted a slow, sensual kiss on her lips.

He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. She sighed as he kissed her nose and cheeks and left more gentle pecks on her lips.

“You have to stop,” she whispered. “What if the kids wake up?”

“All they're going to see is how much I love you.”

“That's so lame, Levi.”

“I'm a dad, I get to be lame.”

She moved her legs back on the bed and he covered her with the blankets. She held Asher in one arm and held Armin's hand with the other. Armin was knocked out. It was beautiful, Hange with the family she deserved, taking care of both children she loved so much, both younger and elder. And through it all, in every beautiful image he had of her, what he loved the most was that she'd turn to him and smile. He was loved. Maybe that was what made everything so beautiful. The acceptance, the nurturing, the comfort. And he'd do whatever he had to to protect it. Some treasures were worth fighting for and they were it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know kyomitsu has named their Levihan baby (a little boy!) Asher as well, but...the more I thought of it, with the way I planned on Asher's personality to develop, the more the name fit. It's not the same child, though.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Transphobic speech

Levi never knowingly clamored for anyone's attention. But he looked forward to every morning and getting to see Asher's face and hold her gaze. It was only two weeks into his paternity leave and he knew that the three weeks he was allotted was not enough time. As usual, he crawled over to Hange and carefully spooned her, careful to hold her waist and not cup her breasts like he would have before the pregnancy (they were a bit tender from all the nursing). Hange let out something between a sigh and a groan but held his hand. He kissed her neck and behind her ear. She hummed in contentment, but didn't move.

Asher was safely asleep in a bassinet right next to Hange. They'd been doing this for a week or so. Hange had Asher in her nursery at first, but she got frustrated getting up so many times at night, so she just kept Asher in the room with them. It seemed to work out fairly well so far. Plus, Levi could look over Hange's shoulder and see his sleeping child and kiss and hold the person who made parenthood possible for him.

There was a soft knock on the door. Hange didn't stir, but Levi saw no harm in letting him come in.

“Good morning, Armin,” he said, moving away from Hange. Hange rolled over and rested her head on his chest. Armin opened the door and staggered in making sure to close the door behind him. For the time being, the cats were not allowed in the bedroom while they were sleeping. They could hear Windex whining outside. Armin crawled in the bed beside Levi and rested his head on Levi's free shoulder. Levi squeezed them both.

“Morning,” Armin mumbled. Hange said nothing, but put her hand on Armin's cheek.

“Leslie is downstairs making breakfast,” Armin said. As soon as she heard Armin's voice, Asher stretched and started to make little gurgling noises. Hange sighed.

“I need to give Asher breakfast,” she mumbled.

“Relax, maybe she just needs a change, or doesn't like that all of us are talking,” Levi said. Hange sat up and took Asher into her arms. She was still a little fussy, but Levi reached for her anyway.

“What's going on, Ash?” he asked. She was a little smelly.

“I'll change her,” Armin said. Hange was already half asleep and made no objection. Levi secretly wanted to refuse, but decided to allow Armin to help. He'd be back in school in a few weeks and his time with his sister would be short. Levi might have been going back to work in a week, but at least he'd still be in the same house. Levi lay back in the bed and Hange once again put her head on his chest.

“My baby is taking care of my baby,” she mumbled. He chuckled and rubbed her shoulder.

“Yeah...” he said. He put both his arms around her. “Yeah...”

* * *

Levi found he actually missed Hange's soft baby bump, but when he remembered the baby inside was now here, he didn't miss it much. Asher fit in his arms just as easy as Hange or Armin did, although she fit in a different way. After breakfast, when they all had eaten, Hange and Armin sat together at the kitchen table reviewing scripts for Armin's show. That left Levi with Asher all to himself. He curled up on the couch with his knees just so he could rest her on his lap and face her comfortably. When he spoke she calmed and stared at him. She was studying him, carefully. He welcomed this examination, after all she was learning from him, watching his face. She would learn how to smile some day, and he wanted her to know that when she smiled he would smile back.

He was lost to those wide, dark eyes. He brushed her cheek with his thumb. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware he was being stupid. That he was behaving in a way most people did not expect of Levi Ackerman. People thought he was scary, eternally scowling. But not always. Not with his family. Especially not with the littlest member. While he was just admiring adorable her little nose was, Windex stalked over. She was slightly fascinated by Asher. All the cats were, but they seemed aware that this was a tiny fragile human, so skittish Lysol avoided her. Clorox was a bit braver, staring in curiosity, but jumping at Asher's slightest moves. Windex, as always was bold. Once she recognized the baby smell, and had a few cautious (and supervised) encounters she was fine. Windex pressed her paws on Levi's chest briefly and then stared at Asher.

“Is that your friend, Ash? Is that Windex, your kitty?” he said. Asher stared back, waved her little arms, and let out a soft coo. Windex meowed and rubbed her nose against Ash's head before she lost interest and stalked away.

“Kitties are like that,” he said. Asher already had her attention back on him. “Kiddo, I can't do anything since you got here. I've barely cleaned, I haven't done any laundry. I only cook because that person you feed off of needs to eat, but other people do most of the cooking anyway so...”

Asher yawned.

“You can't be sleepy already,” he said. “I like talking to you.”

He started to yawn, mostly out of sympathy. He held out his hand to her and she reached for his finger and held it. No moment could be better than this. Armin entered the room, his phone in hand.

“You left your phone in the kitchen. It's been ringing off the hook,” Armin said. Levi looked at the missed calls. There were seven. All from his father. Before he could call back there was a pounding on the door. Levi's heart raced.

“Armin, take Ash to Hange and tell her to go upstairs,” he said. Armin took Asher quickly and hurried to the kitchen. Already Levi felt light headed and sounds felt distant. He couldn't dissociate now, not now. He made it to the door fine. His father was out of breath, hadn't even taken off his helmet.

“We've got to hurry,” he said.

“What? Why?” Levi said. He held his father's shoulders. At this close proximity, he couldn't smell booze or smoke of any sort, and his father's eyes were focused. No drugs or alcohol. It didn't allay his fears, but at least he knew the threat was not his father.

“It's your mom. She's coming. I swear I didn't tell her anything, but I saw her at the 7-11 and she asked why you hadn't called her in weeks. When I wouldn't tell she said she was going to see you. I saw her call a cab, but I knew I'd get here first,” he said. Levi motioned for his father to come in.

Vern took off his helmet and tossed it aside. For once Levi didn't care.

“Where's Hange and the baby?” he said.

“I sent them upstairs. I'm sorry, Dad, but when I saw your calls and then you knocked so frantically I thought—”

“It's okay. It was a good call.”

He heard someone running down the stairs and he turned. Hange.

“Is everything okay? I asked Armin to stay with Asher, I just want to make sure you're both all right,” she said. He wanted to send her back upstairs, but she held out her hands and he took them. That action grounded him. He rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles which further gave him calm and clarity. The feel of her skin. The reality of her delicately knobby hands.

“My mother is coming,” he said. She held him.

“What do you want to do?”

Levi closed his eyes and held her close. He had to think.

“I want Armin to stay upstairs with Ash. Please stay with me. We'll tell her about Ash. If she wants to see her, I want you to get her,” he said. He squeezed her. “I don't want that woman to touch my baby.”

“It's okay. You know we won't let anything happen to Ash,” Hange said. “What will you do if she insists on holding her?”

“Then I'll have to insist she washes her hands before she touches my baby like everyone else.”

Hange nodded. “I agree,” she said.

She put her hands on either side of his face. He couldn't stop his heart from racing put he placed his hands over hers.

“I don't want her to ruin our home,” he said softly. “I don't want her to hurt Ash or say mean things to you and Armin. I don't want her here. I should have called her. I can't keep you guys safe.”

Vern cleared his throat. Levi turned to him.

“What can I do?” he asked. Levi took a deep breath and pulled himself together.

“Just don't leave,” Levi said. “And please...if you can, please don't fight with her.”

“I'll try.”

Levi patted his father's shoulder and started to pace the room biting his thumb. Hange came over and rested her hands on his shoulders. She hugged him from behind.

“We're here. You don't have to face her alone.”

He nodded. They saw the taxi pull up from the window.

“I'll answer,” he said. “Please go tell Armin what's happening.”

“All right,” Hange said. “Hold on until I get back.”

It seemed an eternity, but he made it even before the doorbell rang. She looked the same. Still smoking.

“Mom,” he said.

“Hey, dear. Haven't heard from you in a while thought I'd stop by,” she said.

“No smoking in the house,” he said.

“Not even a hello. You're still a rude little bastard,” she said. She dropped her cigarette and put it out with her shoe. He swallowed and said nothing about it. She came in and looked around, spotting Vern almost immediately.

“You tipped him off. Figures you two would team up. Too busy talking about what a bitch I am to include me anymore, huh, Levi?” she said. “Well, pour me a drink and I'll think about forgiving you.”

Hange came down. “Oh, Hilary! How nice to see you?”

“Yeah, yeah. Don't act sweet, I know you're shitting on me too,” she said. Hange only grimaced.

“Why don't you sit down,” she said and showed her to the living room.

“You were fatter last time I saw you,” Hilary said. “Your boobs are bigger, but you're still a little round in the middle I guess. Unless you had a baby, I can't see how you'd drop weight so fast.”

“Um...yeah that is what happened,” Hange said.

It was clear what she said didn't register with Hilary right away. But when she sat down, it hit her.

“Wait, what?” she said. “Well I'll be damned. What sort of weird science allows a shemale to get pregnant?”

“Hilary...” Vern said.

“What? Boobs are easy to make, but a working pussy's a different story. All that time I thought Levi was just trying to cover for you gaining weight by saying you were pregnant. Well? Where is the little sweetheart? I'm a grandma I want to see the baby.”

Hange looked to Levi and he nodded. She bit her lip and went to fetch Ash. Levi was slightly hopeful. Maybe everything would end uneventfully. He wished he could relax, usually when he heard Ash's tiny voice he'd feel calm. Even though he couldn't feel calm, he was still happy to see her.

Hange sat next to Hilary and Levi was on edge. Vern reached over and briefly squeezed his hand.

“Oh, it's Levi all over again,” Hilary said.

“Say hello to Grandma, Ash,” Hange said. Asher grunted and turned her big dark eyes up to her grandmother. Levi watched his mother carefully. He was surprised. There was something sweet and gentle about her when she looked at Asher. Armin entered the room and Levi immediately looked to him so he'd know everything was okay. Hilary didn't seem to notice Armin standing behind Levi. She reached to hold Asher, but Levi grabbed her hand.

“Please, Mom. Asher's very young so anyone who holds her has to wash their hands first,” he said. “Especially since you've been handling cigarettes so—”

“Fine, fine. I was all finicky with you when you were that tiny too,” she said. Armin volunteered to show her to the washroom. Once she was gone Levi let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. He was so certain that request was going to make her upset, but he was glad to be wrong for once. He kissed Hange and smoothed Asher's hair.

“It'll only be a few minutes,” he said more to himself than to anyone else. Then Asher would be safe and he could appease his mother and send her away. They could continue their quiet lives without her. He'd mark on his calendar to call her so she won't feel compelled to return. She was already back in the room. Levi felt his heart race as Hange handed Asher over, but she held his precious baby with practiced ease.

“I always said Levi would have been the prettiest little girl. He kinda is, in some ways,” she said. Levi didn't even have it in him to be upset about the implication she was attempting to make. Asher seemed to know to perform all the most adorable baby things: cooing, yawning, the long stares that could be misinterpreted as adoration. Levi noted that at some point she popped part of her fist in her mouth and smacked her lips together, which meant she was starting to get hungry. He silently begged Asher to last a little bit longer, the more his mother held her, the more she'd be placated. In the end, Asher started to fuss a little, which Hilary thought was cute.

“Does she need a change?” Hange asked.

“No way, I didn't smell a thing,” Hilary said as she handed the baby back to Hange.

“No, I changed her just before you came to get her,” Armin said. Asher made it clear what she wanted as she started to root around for Hange's breasts.

“Oh my god. Don't tell me you can actually breastfeed,” Hilary said.

“Hilary...” Vern said with a glare.

“No, Vern, Doctor Girlfriend here is a marvel of medicine! I thought there was nothing but two teabags worth of silicone in those teeny tits, but I know the way a hungry baby acts around real breasts. This I got to see,” she said.

Levi clenched his jaw. He and Hange had spent a long time discussing how to deal with people who were going to tell her breastfeeding in public was wrong, but this was a little different. Hange wouldn't have thought twice about breastfeeding with family, but Hilary was a little too interested in Hange's anatomy than the beauty of a mother feeding her child. She held Asher to her chest and leaned away.

“I'd like some privacy,” Hange said.

“We're all family here. Just pop it out and work your magic,” Hilary said.

“N-no. I'm going to the nursery,” she said.

“Oh, I see. You don't want me to see the scars from the implants.”

Levi could see the confusion and rage in Hange's eyes and Asher's frustration was only growing. His baby was hungry and he was more than done with the way his mother's narrow thinking and the way she spoke about Hange.

“Hange is under no obligation to expose any part of her body that she deems private. You have no business forcing her to breastfeed here if she doesn't want to,” he said. Hange started to stand up.

“You two seem like you'd be down for the public breastfeeding thing. You're both queers trying to make some weird perverted statement,” she said.

“You're just trying to goad Hange until you can get a peek at her breasts! Just fucking stop it!” Levi cried. He froze and turned to the doorway where Hange was with Asher. His heart stopped as her face scrunched up and became red and it broke as she started to cry and sob.

“Oh no...” he said breathlessly. “No, no, no...”

“Now see, you made the baby cry,” Hilary said.

“Get out.”

“ _I_ didn't make her cry, I don't see why—”

“Get out!” Levi said. He felt a pang of guilt as he reached a volume that made even Armin jump. Asher's cries only got louder as Hange hurried upstairs. Hilary glared at him.

“You know what, I will,” she said. Levi followed close behind her as he escorted her to the door. He was painfully aware of his father trailing behind them. She took out a cigarette and lit it as she walked out and let out a conspicuous puff before she went out the door. Everything inside Levi wanted to scream, but he'd already scared his family enough.

“I just want you to know one thing before I leave. I hate you. More than anything,” she said. She glared over Levi's shoulder at Vern. “If that man ever did anything good it was because of you. He never gave a shit about me. You ruined everything, Levi. My life, my body, my relationship. Everything. And I fucking hate you.”

She walked away and Levi lifelessly closed the door. He felt cold and numb. He knew his mother was hostile toward him but he'd never known how much.

“Don't listen to her,” Vern said softly. Levi knew better than to take anything she said to heart, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. He felt his father's arms close around him. “Her mistakes are not your fault.”

“Am I a mistake?” Levi said. “You've said I was before. You said I wasn't even your son.”

Vern squeezed. “You're mine. You're the only reason I'm still alive.”

Armin finally dared to come over and joined the hug. Both men welcomed him.

“I'm so proud to call you my father, Levi. I love you so much,” Armin said. Levi couldn't speak. He thought he was crying, but he couldn't be sure. They stayed with him until Levi calmed down.

“Go see how Hange and Ash are doing. I've got a little surprise for you. I left it on my motorcycle,” Vern said. Levi was still in a whirlwind of emotions. Hange had Asher over her shoulder.

“She's just about done burping,” Hange said. “How are you?”

Levi shook his head and kneeled in front of her. He took her free hand and kissed it over and over again. She held his cheek.

“She said something terrible to you. I can see it in your face,” Hange said. Levi just closed his eyes. “I don't care what she said. I love you. You know Ash loves you too.”

Levi stood up and kissed the top of Asher's head.

“Daddy's sorry for yelling. I didn't mean to scare you,” he said. “You know I don't like yelling.”

She was already half asleep but hummed softly. Hange handed her over to him and Asher sprawled across his shoulder and sighed in bliss.

“It's actually normal for her to react to loud sounds. So the fact that she cried means she's developing properly,” she said.

“Doesn't mean I like scaring her,” Levi said. He rubbed his cheek against the top of Asher's head. “I love you so much, sweet baby.”

Hange stood up and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you for standing by my decision not to nurse right then. I knew what she wanted to see and I just wasn't comfortable,” Hange said.

“Even if you were trans it's not her right to see,” Levi said. “Your body is not for public gawking just because you aren't fitting into certain gender expectations.”

“It's nice to know you'll protect me,” she said.

“Only because you'll protect me too, Shitty Glasses,” he said.

Something about the exchange made an all too familiar rush come. It was deja vu for sure, but the setting was different. There were stone walls, torches. Hange was wearing goggles for some reason. He snuggled Ash and kissed her fat cheek. He had to stay in the here and now. Together, he and Hange left Asher to nap. They returned to find Armin and Vern sitting on the couch with a shoe box full of pictures. His father looked up sheepishly.

“I uh...I wanted you to have these,” he said. “I have all the pictures I want in my wallet already. Except a picture of Ash, but I'll wait until you get those.”

Hange took one from the pile. It was of a smiley, round faced baby with dark hair and beautiful blue gray eyes.

“Levi, is this you?” she asked.

“Sure is,” Levi said.

“Ash really does look like you.”

Levi looked through a few pictures but was utterly stunned by the sheer amount. Every school picture. A few pictures from when times were good. His high school portrait, a few pictures from when he was in college.

“You changed my life, Son. I didn't always know how to express how much I cared properly but I held on to all of these in hopes I'd always remember that there was someone worth hanging around for.”

Levi dropped the picture. He didn't know how he was feeling. Was he hurt at all the wasted years and the torment his father put him through? Was he happy about how far his father had come? He wasn't really sure. In the end, he supposed he didn't need to know. All Levi was sure of was that he wanted to be with his father. And for once, he hugged him with no reservations.

* * *

Levi was glad his father lingered around after. They looked at pictures and talked. Levi was not ready to talk about his mother and how much she hated him and why. But he loved watching Hange's reaction to his baby pictures.

“You were such a smiley kid,” she said as she held up a picture of him with a blanket over his head.

“Don't let those pictures fool you. Even as a baby, Levi was generally pretty serious. But if you got him to smile, you were lost to him,” Vern said.

Hange laughed. “Don't I know it.”

“Wait until I show Eren these,” Armin said.

“Has Erwin ever seen these?” Hange asked. Levi shook his head. “Well, he's coming over for dinner to see.”

Levi snorted. “It's only fair. His mother made me look at all his baby pictures when I visited for Christmas while we were in college. Serious, blond baby with no eyebrows.”

“Erwin with no eyebrows? That's weird,” Armin said. Hange opened her mouth to say something, but heard Asher start stirring and whining over the baby monitor. Levi put his hand on her shoulder.

“I'll get her,” he said. Levi went upstairs, measuring every movement so it was quiet. He knew it didn't matter, Asher was awake, but he wanted to have a quiet arrival nonetheless. He opened the door to her nursery as she let out her strained little cries.

“Daddy's here. I've got you,” he said. He picked her up and she buried her face in his shoulder. “Ah, you got a shitty diaper for me, huh?”

He changed her before taking her back downstairs. Asher was carefully cradled against him, he took each step carefully. He arrived at the living room doors, his heart pounding.

“Dad. Would you...would you like to hold her?” Levi asked. He said it softly, but he hoped he didn't sound too earnest. He was scared to see his father's face. Maybe his father wasn't as excited about Asher as he was. Maybe—

“Yes. Please. I'll wash my hands first,” Vern said quickly. Levi sat next to the spot his father had vacated. Hange sat beside him and squeezed his knee.

“I'm sorry I didn't check with you first,” Levi said.

“It's fine. I want Ash to know her grandfather,” Hange said.

“Grandfathers are important,” Armin added.

Vern returned and Levi handed his baby to him. She moved her little arms languidly and stared with her wide eyes. Her eyes were changing color. They seemed to be a dark hazel most days. Still she observed this new person in her life with quiet curiosity. She made a low little grunt and Vern laughed quietly.

“She's adorable,” he said. His father was silent for a while, Levi could see the tears well up in his father's eyes. “You were tiny like this when I first saw you. I didn't see you for a few weeks. I didn't really know how to hold you or what to say. But man, I thought you were pretty great. So I decided to try and change my life for a bit. So...while I went straight, my gang got into another war. And...well they all died.”

He glanced at the silver bracelet on Levi's wrist. “That chain's all I got left of them. We did some bad things together, but they were still good guys. Just wrong circumstances. So I...I never felt I deserved you. Hil and I, that was what I could understand. The fighting, the sniping. Hating each other. I could understand that. But not you. I couldn't fully comprehend your love. How could I deserve to be safe and happy with my son and receive your love when my friends...they had kids too. So why...how could I enjoy my life with you?”

Levi held his arm as his father started to cry.

“How can I be a grandfather, while some of the people I trusted are dead?” Vern said. “Shrink says I have a form of survivor's guilt. I think he's right. I think I should have died all those years ago.”

Levi squeezed his arm and shook his head. “No. We're all glad you're here with us.”

Vern nodded and leaned forward to kiss Asher's forehead.

“I don't want to lose this,” Vern said. “I'm gonna do whatever I have to so I can stay in your life.”

He shifted Asher so he could hold her with one arm and put his free one around Levi.

“We're a family, Dad,” Levi said. And though Levi couldn't believe it, he wouldn't have it any other way.


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a compromise, since Hange couldn’t go camping, Rick said they’d “camp out” in Hange’s living room and go on a walk through local trails during the day. Everyone seemed fine with the idea. Hange didn’t mind it so much, they’d done that before when Tammeryn was eight months along with Charlie and there was no way they were going camping with her in that state.
> 
> Hange hated to admit it, but she didn’t feel back to normal.

Hange felt that her attachment to Asher made no logical sense. By pure logic, even though she shared half her genetic material, she should resent this tiny human. Asher was once a parasitic lifeform that fed off her body and left it slightly altered. And she was still feeding off her body. What was more, Asher contributed nothing to society. All she did was cry, eat, sleep and shit. A lot. With all that pure hard logic considered, even though Asher kept her from a good night’s sleep, and made life difficult, it was wonderful at the same time.

On paper, she had given nothing back. Not really. Except Levi was warmer and more expressive with her and Hange loved that side of him. And Armin found her endlessly entertaining, as seen by the video he took of her trying a bottle for the first time (her face was priceless, and she got excited when she realized she was still getting breastmilk). And as if she took all these points as very passé, Asher started to smile and respond to more things.

For instance, that morning, when Asher started to fuss because she was hungry, Hange sat up and leaned over to pick her up out of the bassinet by her bed. Hange smiled brightly at her baby’s sparkly eyes and fattened cheeks.

“Good morning, Ash!” she said. And then Asher did it. That sweet little half smile accompanied by kicking her little legs. Hange couldn’t help but kiss her little nose (and what a cute little Levi nose she had!). It was still time to start the day, and she lived for having Asher safe in her arms every morning, warm and feeding, looking up into her eyes with such love. Did she even know it was love yet?

Levi crawled over and pressed his face into Hange’s side.

“She’s awake?” he said. It wasn’t much of a question, though his tone suggested it. He knew good and well his baby was awake. Asher kicked his head in response. He kissed her foot. “You’re awake all right.”

He kissed Hange’s neck and jaw. Hange closed her eyes and smiled softly.

“Hey,” Levi said. He kissed the corner of her mouth. “Hey. Look at me.”

She turned to face him and he pressed his forehead against hers.

“I love you,” she said.

He snorted. “Wow, all I was going to say was ‘good morning,’ but I guess I can one up you. I love you _more_.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Hange said. Levi kept his chin on her shoulder. Armin poked his head in.

“Whenever you’re done with Ash, I’m making breakfast,” he said.

“Thank you!” Hange said. Levi crawled out of the bed.

“I’m getting you some water,” he said. She smiled at Asher as he left.

“It’s just the two of us now,” she said softly. Asher put her hand on her breast and gave her a wide-eyed stare. She still could barely believe Asher was real. She wasn’t supposed to be with Levi much less be cradling his baby. Their baby. Asher finished feeding and snuggled against her. Hange put her over her shoulder and patted her back. Levi returned with a glass of water. He set it on the side table and took Asher from her.

“My turn. You already do too much,” he said. She snorted. Levi and Armin were a huge help. Levi changed as many diapers as she did, possibly more. He fed her from the bottle in the middle of the day, since Hange wanted to keep the morning and evening feedings (though when she was going through a growth spurt and or was particularly inconsolable, she’d only want to be breastfed). Levi was insistent on carrying Asher when she went out, he was a full on super dad.

Even now she was snuggling up to him, her tiny fist held his shirt.

“Come on, now Ash. I have to go to work. I'll be back tonight and then I'll have the rest of the week to spend with you and Uncle Rick and all your cousins,” Levi said. Asher just looked at him and held tighter. He kissed her forehead and cheeks. “You are too much for me. Your Hanjo is going to have you all day. I know you like her because that's where all the milk comes from and you know it.”

Hange snorted.

“I'm going to get her dressed,” she said.

“No, I'll do it. Go start breakfast,” Levi said. They went downstairs together. Armin had already eaten most of his breakfast. He was already in his lab coat.

“Are you settling back into the lab all right?” Hange asked.

“It's like I never left!” Armin said. Levi arrived with Asher and Armin took her before Hange could offer. He hid Asher's face in his labcoat and played peekaboo with her. Asher seemed to like it, she let out amused little sounds and managed one of her almost smiles.

“I'm going to have to get you your own lab coat, Ash, so you can come to work with me,” Armin said.

“I'm not sure Moblit is ready to be mentoring _both_ my kids. He's already feeling overwhelmed with just you,” Hange said.

“I'm not that much trouble am I?” Armin asked.

“No, but you should have heard him over the phone. 'Hange this is a young man with such talent and a brilliant mind. I'm afraid I'll screw him up. He'll leave the scientific community and it will be my fault!' And similar ramblings,” Hange said.

“I really like Moblit! I'll have to prove it to him somehow!” Armin said.

“Invite him over to see Ash one of these days. Tell him he can bring Nifa,” she said.

“We barely survived the emotional wreck that Oluo finally holding Ash, not sure we would survive Moblit,” Levi said.

Hange giggled. “Invite him anyway. Tell him to call me.”

They finished breakfast. They were all heading out. Armin was going to his internship at the lab, Levi was going to inspect houses and Hange wanted to go for a walk with Asher. Levi snuggled with Asher before placing her carefully back in Hange's arms.

“See you all when I get home,” he said.

“We'll be here,” Hange said.

* * *

Hange was on pins and needles in a good way. Rick was coming and this was the first time he’d see Asher face to face. Pictures and video calls were fine, but she wanted her brother to actually hold Ash. And as Asher had a thing for staring at facial hair (she would stare for the longest at Mike, her father and Shawn), she had no question that she’d stare at Rick for hours with is newly grown mustache.  
  
While the reunion was going to be happy, Hange was only reminded how things were different now. She couldn’t go camping this year. Even though she felt she could push herself and go, Asher was just too small.  
  
Hange saw Rick’s car pull up and she sat Asher on her lap so she could see everyone approach. She turned her eyes up to Hange and furrowed her brows. Hange stooped over so she could kiss her forehead. Armin greeted everyone at the door. Sandy hugged Armin quickly and ran into the living room. Asher looked startled a bit and whined. Sandy seemed to sense her nervousness because she got on all fours and crawled over. Asher stared for a moment, making distressed little noises.

“That’s Sandy. You saw her on the video phone, remember?” Hange said. Asher quieted and then tentatively reached for Sandy’s face. Sandy laughed and moved closer.

“When is she going to smile at me, Zozo?” Sandy said.

“She kind of does sometimes. You have to show her how it’s done. She’s learning,” Hange said. Kayden and Charlie both came in. Sandy held up her hand as they entered.

“You have to crawl over to Asher! She is the Baby-faced Emperor!” Sandy said.

“Don’t you mean the Childlike Empress?” Kayden asked.

“She is not a child, she is a baby!”

“Yeah, but she is an Empress.”

“Who decided that? You?”

“You decided she was an Emperor.”

“All right, boys. Just go meet your cousin the Baby-faced Emperor and give her a kiss on those fat cheeks,” Rick said.

Kayden grumbled, but Charlie was already crawling over.

“Do I have to crawl?” Kayden asked.

“No, but it helps,” Hange said.

Kayden walked over and sat next to Hange. Asher had already grabbed Charlie’s nose before she glanced over at him.

“She _is_ tiny,” Kayden said. “A baby Yoda.”

“Oh my god, no!” Levi shouted from the other room.

Hange snickered. “I told you my baby was like a pink Yoda! Look at her ears!”

She grabbed Ash’s hand. “Please don’t hurt Charlie. Be nice.”

Hange held her wrist and moved it so she was patting Charlie’s hair. Then Asher’s eyes fell on Rick. And his mustache. And Asher could see nothing else. Hange handed her over and she curled into his arms. When Tammeryn sat next to them, Asher put her hand on her shoulder and looked up at her with her hazel eyes.

“She really is just like Levi. Blissfully unaware of just how adorable they are,” Tammeryn said.

“Well, kids. Mom and Dad are going to be busy for a while. Why don’t you set up camp while we play with Asher?” he said.

“No fair,” Kayden said.

“I’m game!” Armin said.

As a compromise, since Hange couldn’t go camping, Rick said they’d “camp out” in Hange’s living room and go on a walk through local trails during the day. Everyone seemed fine with the idea. Hange didn’t mind it so much, they’d done that before when Tammeryn was eight months along with Charlie and there was no way they were going camping with her in that state.

Hange hated to admit it, but she didn’t feel back to normal. Asher was a month and a half and Hange had only just stopped post-partum bleeding a week ago. So she felt like she was on her period for a whole month and that sucked. The soreness was gone, but she didn’t feel…tight or fit. And it didn’t help that Levi’s body was still so absolutely perfect. He never gave her any reason to feel unloved. He still cuddled her, they made out when they had time, and he never made her feel bad about not being able to have sex. She’d offered to go down on him, but he didn’t take her up on it.

“If there isn’t the potential for me to return the favor, it won’t do anything for me,” is what he said.

Levi came into the room and took her hand, breaking her from her thoughts.

“Come with me, I need some help with lunch,” he said. She followed him to the kitchen and helped him with the sandwiches. He put his head on her shoulder.

“I hope Rick likes her,” Levi said.

“He likes me and he likes you, and he likes our first kid, so hopefully Asher is an easy sell,” Hange said. Levi hummed a little and leaned over to kiss her neck.

“You’re too good to me sometimes,” she said.

“I’m not good enough,” he mumbled. She stopped working and gently turned his face so he had to look at her. He looked up at her with those lovely grey eyes with the same sort of searching inquisitiveness that Asher had. They seemed to ask if she really loved him. She kissed him soft and slow. When she pulled away, there were no more questions.

“Too good,” she whispered. He flushed a little and tried to hide his smile. They both hovered for a moment before Levi pushed her up against the counter and kissed her fiercely. Hange wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave in. Levi was in a good mood and she wanted to enjoy the moment. He pulled away and pressed his forehead against hers.

“We should finish lunch,” she said.

“Yeah,” he whispered. They returned to work.

“For someone who was so shy about being caught kissing around the family, you’re certainly bold now,” she said.

“There is now literal proof that we fuck, I don’t think there’s much to hide anymore,” he said.

“We could have conceived her another way,” she said.

“True. But I had fun doing it the old fashioned way,” he said.

“Might have been more fun if we’d intended it.”

They both were silent.

“Maybe next time?” he said. Hange turned to him suddenly, her heart beating wildly. “I’m sorry. It’s too soon, I didn’t mean—”

“No. I really want another baby. And I know that’s part of the hormones affecting my brain, but I think once Ash is older, we should have another,” she said.

“I’m on your timeline. You let me know when you’re ready. But right now we have Armin and Ash and they’re both great. I can’t be happier.”

* * *

They all crowded around the television to play Mario Kart. They all agreed they’d do more outdoor things the next day. Levi and Rick were outside making food on the grill, Tammeryn was cooing over Asher. Hange finally had time to really play video games and not worry about when Asher was going to need another feeding, or cuddles, or wake up from her nap. And since she finally adjusted to using bottles of breastmilk, it was a bit easier. Shawn stopped by fresh from a date to play as well.

They ate dinner on the floor, and Asher was curled up with Shawn, mesmerized by his bearded face. It was almost like a mini vacation. Levi carefully set up Asher’s bassinet next to their air mattress just in time for her to knock out after all the excitement. To ease his mind, Levi put the cats in the basement, so they wouldn’t try to sleep on Asher’s face or otherwise climb into her bassinet. Hange felt bad, but until Asher was old enough, they had to keep their well meaning pets away while she slept. They told each other gross stories until about midnight and Shawn went home and the rest retired to the living room.

Armin slept between Charlie and Kayden. Sandy insisted she sleep on the couch where she could see Asher and that left both married couples together.

With any luck, Asher might wake up a few times, but Hange was hopeful with all the activity she’d sleep rather soundly.

* * *

She was wrong. For whatever reason Asher woke up and was inconsolable. In fact, she got so fussy and so loud, Hange went upstairs with her. Levi came up shortly after.

“I’ll take her for a while. Get some sleep,” he said. She wanted to protest, but she was too tired. Everything was going so smoothly and then this happened. Hange didn’t blame Asher. She was just a baby and couldn’t tell them what was wrong. Asher wailed into Levi’s shoulder as he patted her back.

“If we need you we’ll get you,” he said. Hange sighed and nodded. She felt a little defeated. As she came down the stairs, Rick was waiting for her.

“I’m sorry she’s so noisy,” Hange said. Rick said nothing but put his arm around her.

“Come with me,” he said. She didn’t protest. They went out to the moonlit deck overlooking the garden. She reclined on one of the chairs and Rick pushed his next to hers. He just put his hand over hers and it was only a few minutes until Hange was in tears. Rick said nothing, but let her crawl onto his lap and he held her. And he kept quiet until she stopped sobbing. He wiped her tears and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I can only imagine what’s wrong. Where do you want to begin?” he asked.

“Nothing’s the same,” she said. “I didn’t think it would be, but shit!”

He squeezed her.

“Nothing will be like it was before,” he said.

“I miss sleep. I miss my old body because I feel gross in this one. I miss my boobs not being so tender and leaking all the time. I miss Levi. I miss talking about things that aren’t baby related. I feel like I’m neglecting Armin. I miss not being worried whenever the cats are around. I miss so much. Is it terrible if I consider just walking away and not coming back? I never would, but I think about it a lot.”

“All that’s normal.”

“But I can’t leave. Because I love my family, especially Asher. How can she cause so much stress but I love her so much? I don’t get it, but I can’t leave her. I can’t even hate her.”

“Does Levi know any of this?”

She sniffled and hugged Rick’s waist. “I told him some of it. And he tries so hard. I don’t want to burden him too much. So much of this doesn’t make any sense. And so much of it is just venting. He doesn’t need to _do_ anything, I just need to talk about it. I don’t want him to feel obligated to solve it.”

“Levi wants to help you. Even if all you need is listening.”

“I know. I know. I just don’t want him to feel he’s not helping me already. He’s the reason I get any sleep if I sleep at all. And he carries everything, he keeps the cats occupied, he’s arranged to do more work from home. He’s the definition of supportive.”

“I can see. Speaking as a person who was also once a father to a newborn, I also know that he’s looking for every opportunity to do more. I’ll find a way to get you two some time alone. Tammeryn and I will stay with Ash if you leave some milk behind. You and Levi go for a walk around the neighborhood or just get out and talk to each other for a while. Okay?”

She nodded. She wanted more than anything to have even a solid hour with Levi.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Anything for my Zozo,” he said. “Now get some sleep while you can.”

She sighed and held his hand as they went back inside.

* * *

They went for a long walk on a relatively easy path. Levi reluctantly allowed Sandy to push the stroller as Rick and Levi walked beside her. Asher was rather talkative that day. This was encouraging to Sandy as she was very interested in telling her strange stories. Charlie was also very interested in Asher, but seemed too shy to show his affections. Armin remained at Hange’s side, holding her hand and they talked about all sorts of things. It was nice to be out and not rushing to the doctor or the supermarket. It had been a while.

She swung Armin’s hand back and forth. It was nice to turn all her attention to him. His hair was now, really long, it came past his shoulder blades. She carefully brushed it over his shoulder and he smiled at her.

“I’m going to have to cut it. It’s getting in my way during labs no matter what I do,” he said.

“What does Leigh say?” she asked.

“She likes my hair long, but she said I should do whatever will make me happy. Samson asked for my hair so he could use it in a ritual to summon the perfect boyfriend.”

Hange laughed.

“Honestly that isn’t the weirdest thing he’s said to me,” Armin said. “And while I have you, I wanted to ask if I could have Eren over next week.”

“Of course. He hasn’t been by in a long time,” she said. “I miss him.”

“He’s seemed really down lately. I think something is going on with his family, but he won’t say anything.”

“Is everyone okay?”

Armin frowned. “I’m not sure. Grisha is acting even more distant and weird and I haven’t seen Carla around. Usually I’d see her in the yard, but her car hasn’t been around for days. All Eren will say is she’s at his grandmother’s house. But…that worries me.”

Hange wasn’t in close proximity with Grisha anymore since she wasn’t working at the lab at the moment. She couldn’t make any assumptions.

“Well, tell him he’s welcome,” she said. “Asher misses him.”

“Mikasa hasn’t been by in a while, but she said she’ll come for a few hours while Eren is over. She’s really distracted since Olympic invitationals last for a long time and she’s still got to keep her stats up so she’ll qualify.”

“And Annie?”

“She’s going through something similar. But she’s going to come back for a week. Reiner and Bertholdt really miss her.”

“When will they know if they’re going off to the Olympics?”

“Oh…next year. Around April or May,” he said. “We asked if we could do an Olympics series of episodes. Annie said she’s game and Mikasa said she would as well. We’ll probably film early in the year, and save the footage so it’s ready for when the games start airing and everyone will be interested.”

He moved closer and put his arms around her shoulders and she hugged his waist. She knew she wanted time with Armin, but she didn’t realize how much she needed it. She kissed his cheek. They didn’t talk about much after that, but it didn’t really matter. Armin was as much her son as Asher was her baby. They sat together on the way home from the hike, he put his head on her shoulder and fell asleep. Rick glanced at them in the rearview mirror. She smiled at him.

“Thanks, Ricky,” she said.

“You haven’t called me Ricky in years! Levi and I both agreed you needed some time with him. It was a team effort,” he said. Armin was awake by the time they got home and he helped carry Asher’s things into the house. And by the evening, Asher was back in the picture, but this time around, Armin was holding her, and she was trying to eat his hair (as she was very fond of doing). But she felt a little relief, that all her children had been cared for that day.

* * *

Asher had a much easier time the next night. She woke up a few times, but she wasn't awake long. Levi was the super dad he was took care of anything that wasn't food related. As soon as she was taken care of, Hange saw her snuggle against Levi and fall right back to sleep. Maybe Ash didn’t like the change of venue the night before. Hange woke up and the house had a quiet buzz to it. Rick and Kayden were making breakfast. Asher was with Tammeryn, but as soon as she saw Hange she got a little fussy.

“Ah, someone wants their breakfast,” Tammeryn said as she handed Asher over. Asher buried her face in Hange’s breasts and pulled at her shirt.

“Okay, sweetie. Calm down,” Hange said softly. She took her to the living room and they both got settled. Sandy came in, carrying Clorox.

“Breakfast is ready,” she said.

“I’ll be there soon,” Hange said with a smile. Sandy sat next to her.

“Asher looks really comfortable like that,” she said.

“I think she is,” Hange said. Asher glanced up at Sandy briefly, but was focused on getting her food. Clorox put a paw on Asher’s forehead. She didn’t seem to notice.

“If you can feed her, why do you use a bottle?” Sandy asked.

“Well, I want her to get used to them. I’m going back to work in a few months and I want Levi or Grandma or whoever takes care of Asher to be able to feed her when I’m not there,” Hange said. “The bottles are all full of my milk, so she likes the taste just fine.”

“How do you get the milk out? Do you milk yourself like a cow?” Sandy asked. Hange had to laugh. That was something she would have asked as a child.

“Well, I’ve heard you can do that, but I don’t have that much time to figure out how to do it properly. I have a machine that gets the milk out for me,” Hange said.

Sandy nodded thoughtfully.

“Can I feed Asher with the bottle later?” Sandy asked.

“If your mom and dad say yes, of course you can,” Hange said. Sandy smiled and walked off with Clorox. Hange returned to the breakfast table when Asher was finished. Levi burped Asher while Hange ate breakfast. Asher spent the rest of the time at the table with her cousin Kayden, who was trying very hard not to smile at her, but was failing. Hange started to clean up after, but Tammeryn stopped her.

“You and Levi go out. We’ll clean up and watch after Ash and Armin,” she said. Hange started to protest but Rick waved her away and Levi grabbed her hand. She followed him up the stairs and he stopped mid flight and pushed her against the wall and kissed her quickly but deeply. He dragged her the rest of the way, she was a little dreamy after such a kiss. They were married, they’ve had sex and they were raising children. How was it that Levi’s kisses still affected her so?

She changed, nothing special. A loose shirt and jeans. Her boobs did not like any shirt that didn’t allow for lots of room. Levi wasn’t much fancier, but Hange thought he looked great any way. He brushed her hair and left it down and ran his fingers through her hair. She pulled him down and kissed him.

“Levi…we can’t go out in public and just make out the whole time,” she said.

“Who says we can’t?”

He kissed all along her jaw. She gasped a little but put her hands on either side of his face.

“I miss you,” he said.

“Then let’s go,” she whispered. They went to the car hand in hand and went to the park. It had a track that was lined with trees and went by a lake. They settled on a park bench and she put her legs over his lap. He rubbed her legs with one hand and held her face with the other. He said nothing at first.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. She nodded.

“Okay. I’m okay,” she said. He ran his thumb along her cheek. She closed her eyes and sighed. “I miss you.”

He squeezed her knee.

“What can I do?” he said.

“You’re already doing so much. It’s just a sacrifice we have to make. Asher takes up a lot of time,” she said.

“She does. She needs us. But we need each other. What can I do for you?” he asked.

“I…well I really do enjoy the cuddles and the kisses. I want our video game time again.”

Levi chuckled. “Me too. We’ll figure that out”

“I…I’ve never felt this way but…I miss having sex with you. I like the closeness and…well it feels good with you.”

Levi gave her a blank stare, but his eyes were burning with lust. He licked his lips.

“I miss it too. But you have to recover,” he said.

“I’m done bleeding. I’m ready,” she said. He pulled her closer and nuzzled against her neck.

“I know. But you know better than I do that your body is different,” he said.

She snorted. “Fatter and the stretch marks, I know…”

“That’s…I don’t care about that. You’re beautiful and I’ve never stopped wanting you for even a moment. What I mean is, delivering a baby causes all kinds of scarring and when you heal up, the vaginal canal is tighter and needs some time before it’s flexible like it was before. So I don’t want to rush things.”

Hange smirked. “Look at you, doing all your research.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you. So yes, I did all my research,” he said. “And are you really okay? I don’t want you to hide anything from me. Being a parent is scary as hell and you’re not alone. I’m here to help you. I love you and our children so much.”

“Levi…” she said. She blinked rapidly.

“You can cry,” he said.

She sniffled. “But I’m happy. So why should I cry?”

He held her close. “I love you more than I can stand. I want to know everything about you.”

She didn’t cry for long, but she put her head on his shoulder. He leaned in close so he could whisper to her.

“You know, as much as I want to know what’s going on in your head, I want the opportunity to learn your body too. You say it’s different, and I can feel the differences, but there hasn’t been time to explore. Will you let me?”

She blushed and nodded.

“We can start there. You let me know when you’re ready,” he said.

“I love you,” she said. It was all she could think to say. Eventually they got up and continued walking. They discussed what games to play and when to play. They geeked out over movies and books, like old times. They returned to the car, and he had his hand at the small of her back.

Levi started to drive, but they weren’t going home. She looked at him curiously. He just smirked and kept going. They came to a scenic ridge, it was a little secluded and Hange raised her eyebrow.

“Get in the back seat,” he said.

“We are not making out like horny teenagers in the middle of the day,” she said.

“When are we going to have time?”

“Good point.”

She climbed in the back seat and lay the length of it. Levi crawled over her and settled between her legs, brushing the hair away from her face as he stared into her eyes. She bit her lip and he ran his thumb along her chin. She wanted to say something, anything, but the intensity of his gaze kept her silent. Levi covered her face in soft kisses. She tried to get a few in edgewise, and while Levi hummed in appreciation, it was clear receiving wasn’t his goal. Finally he paid some attention to her lips. She ran a hand through his hair and he moaned a little. She laughed against his lips. Sometimes Levi was very easy to excite. And when they finally parted mouths, she was lost to him.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed like that before. They kissed like that this morning. But this was different. Maybe it was because this was guaranteed to be longer and wasn’t rushed between moments with family. Maybe it was because Levi was just a good kisser. Maybe it was the teenage taboo of making out in the car. Maybe it was as simple as she was just still so crazy in love with him. It didn’t matter. She loved him and she loved doing things like this with him.

They returned. Levi had hickies on his neck, Hange’s hair was a mess, but no one commented. Asher snuggled in Hange’s arms and was none the wiser. Levi kissed her temple and set about making a quick lunch before the kids went out. As Rick hurried to get the kids dressed for the afternoon, Hange called him over.

“Thanks, Rick,” she said.

“Any time,” he said. “We’ll have to walk together tomorrow. I have to share some of my parenthood stories with you. Might help.”

She smiled. “I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I'm sorry!


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Levi, I know you're in competition with Erwin for Dad of the Year, but we're just going to eat breakfast with Mom and Dad. I don't think Asher needs so many things,” she said.
> 
> “Trust me, you'll be glad I brought everything,” he said.

Levi didn't think he'd have moments like this for a long time. But here he was with Hange, her head on his lap as they played Final Fantasy VIII together. She furrowed her brow a bit as she was trying to beat a boss.

“Come on,” she whispered.

“You got this,” he said.

Turned out he was right. She finally beat Edea with just shreds of HP to spare. She sighed deeply. And then that sigh turned into a shout when in the cut scene, Squall was hit with a spear of ice and sent falling off of a building.

“What!” she said.

Levi shushed her and Hange gasped and clasped her hand over her mouth. Asher stirred a bit. Hange leaned over and rubbed her belly. Ash just blinked up at her with sleepy eyes and fell right back to sleep. Hange sighed.

“Two more weeks. Then we move her to the move her to the nursery,” she said. Asher was sleeping for longer periods of time. Hange felt better about leaving her in the nursery, it wouldn't be too many trips. They turned off the game, and all the lights. He pulled Hange close as the blankets settled around them.

“To be continued in disc two,” he said.

She hummed and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“It's sad,” she said softly.

“Well you know Squall lives. There's three more discs,” he said.

“That's not what's sad. I was a solid Squall/Quistis fan and seems it will definitely be Squall/Rinoa,” she said.

Levi chuckled and kissed her forehead.

“Why Squall/Quistis?” he asked.

“Well, you act like Squall, and Quistis is the hot one with glasses,” she said.

“I am not a whiny piss baby.”

Hange pulled away so she could give him a frown. He pulled her back to him and covered her neck in kisses. She giggled.

“Okay, okay!” she said. “But you do have that dark, broody badass vibe.”

“And you think you're Quistis?” he asked.

“Only because of the glasses. I guess personality wise, I'm a lot more like Selphie,” Hange said. Levi let his hands slide down past her waistband so she could massage her ass.

“You don't think you're a seductive temptress like Quistis?” he said. Her hands slid under his shirt so she could run her hands down his back. She found a small bundle of tight muscles and she began to massage him. He let out a soft moan.

“Oh god, I'd buy you a red whip just like her and let you whip me if you wanted,” he said.

“You'll agree to anything as soon as I massage you even a little,” she said.

“You know how to push my buttons and make me feel good.”

She kissed his bottom lip.

“I could make you feel so much better. But I'm so tired,” she said.

“Me too. Plus, I'm sure I'd wake up Ash.”

She sighed and curled up closer to him.

“I'm sure we'll have time for that again,” she said.

He breathed in the smell of her hair. He knew they would. He already made sure of it.

* * *

Hange looked over her shoulder at Levi as she carried Asher as they walked through the lawn toward her parents' house.

“Levi, I know you're in competition with Erwin for Dad of the Year, but we're just going to eat breakfast with Mom and Dad. I don't think Asher needs so many things,” she said.

“Trust me, you'll be glad I brought everything,” he said. She shrugged and opened the gate and held it open for him. Asher made adorable little gurgles as they finally made it to breakfast. Hange's mother barely ate and smushed Asher's cheeks as often as possible. Breakfast was relaxed and delicious. Hange's father took Asher and she was thoroughly distracted. And when Hange got up to help clean the table, her mother patted her hand.

“We'll watch Asher for the day, you two go enjoy some time together,” she said. Hange stared at her.

“But, Mom...” she said, her brow furrowing.

“If we need you, we'll call. She's stayed over here without you for a few hours.”

Levi raised his eyebrows as they met eyes.

“You planned this,” she said. Levi shrugged.

“Guilty as charged,” he said.

“Okay, Mom,” she said. “See you later.”

Levi was all too eager to get her home. He held her hand as they went back to their house. As soon as they'd gotten back on their property, he picked her up and carried her back inside and upstairs.

He closed the door to their bedroom. He pushed her against the door and kissed her and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“So...the kids aren't home, we have the house to ourselves...” Levi said.

“Naked nap?” she said.

“Hell yes.”

They tore off their clothes faster than Levi ever remembered. For no guarantee of sex, they were certainly eager for this. Levi spooned Hange and let his hands wander as he kissed behind her ear. He wanted to stay up longer, but his kisses were getting lazy and slow trailing down to her shoulder. That was all he had energy for, he fell asleep shortly after.

* * *

Levi woke up some time later, Hange's head on his chest. He felt her running her hand up and down his side. He threaded his fingers through her hair and she leaned up and kissed his cheek. He ran his hand down her back. She let out a long sigh and snuggled closer. He looked down at her and she met his eyes and offered a sleepy smile in response.

Did she know, how even now she made his heart race? How she filled him with warmth and safety every time she smiled? He cupped her cheek and leaned in closer for a kiss. It was soft and slow, something he never thought he'd ever want, but by god he wanted to savor every moment with her. He held her against him and slowly rolled her onto her back, breaking the kiss briefly and picking up where he left off.

They had time. He stopped kissing her to look into her eyes and ran the back of his fingers against her cheek. Her brown eyes were so dreamy. He wanted to say something about them, to tell her how much she meant to him, that she was beautiful. He kissed her hand instead and slowly worked his way up her arm covering it in kisses. She giggled.

“What are you Gomez Adams?” she said. He couldn't help but laugh and bury his face in her shoulder.

“That's what we're going to be for Halloween!” he said.

“I like it!” she said.

He kissed her neck and she continued laughing.

“We all know Gomez and Morticia fucked all the time,” he said, his lips against her skin. She ran her hands through his hair and let out a breathy moan. He kissed her collar bone.

“You know all the same rules apply. I only go as far as you want me to,” he said. She nodded. He held her face. “And be honest. If something hurts or you're not ready you tell me.”

She kissed his lips softly. He knew she understood. He removed the sheets so he could have easier access to her body and to see, really see, what Hange was like now.

He was breathless. Not because anything was terribly different. Her breasts were bigger, she was a bit softer around the middle and her hips seemed rounder, and there were stretch marks. But he loved everything he saw. Because Hange's body held his baby and kept her safe. And that same body was feeding her and taking care of her. And it deserved all the affection and love that Levi could express. Soft kisses on all the places that weren't tender or raw. All around her breasts, all along her stomach, her thighs. He loved every new inch of her and he wanted her to know. He thought she knew, she arched her back, let out soft little gasps, moaned in pleasure.

He stopped for a while and just lay beside her, his hand massaging her hip. She looked up at him her face flushed.

“Please tell me that isn't it?” she said. He smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“Whatever do you mean?” he asked.

“You can't get me hot, bothered, and wet for you and just stop there!”

He just continued to smirk and she pushed him on his back so she was straddling his hips.

“That's not fair!” she said.

Levi couldn't help but laugh.

“So I take it you want more?” he said.

She licked her lips and then raked her teeth against the base of his neck.

“Yeah,” she said in a low tone. He felt shivers down his spine. “And with your consent, I'm going to take it.”

* * *

Reheating leftovers was hardly sexy. But waiting for the microwave to beep gave Levi the moment to recall everything that had happened. He felt his eyes glaze over and his mouth water at the glorious sight of Hange riding him, hands on his shoulders, head thrown back and the _amazing_ sounds she made.

“Oh god,” he mumbled as he sat at the kitchen table. It felt like it would never end, but in the best way. And for once, he loved the sweaty, sticky mess they made of each other. Hange was so spent, she didn't do her post coital clean up like she usually did. But Levi was so happy to be with her like this again, he didn't honestly care. They fell asleep again for a few minutes, unwilling to let each other go. But Levi was hungry when he woke up and wanted a shower. When he asked what she wanted for lunch she just said whatever was in the fridge.

When he returned, she was in a robe, freshly washed and hair damp. And so gorgeous. And yet, that shy smile didn't quite sit right with him. He gave her her leftovers and she thanked him. He kissed her cheek as he sat next to her on the bed. She blushed  and h e nuzzled her neck. How—after they've spent so much time together and been so intimate—could she still blush at the simplest things?  Hange had him on his knees, his heart beating out his chest full of love.

“So...what did you think?” she asked.

“You're amazing,” he said. “Amazing and gorgeous.”

Hange flushed even redder and laughed.

“Did you miss snuggling my boobs?” she asked.

He shrugged. “That's all Ash's territory right now. I know her reasons for loving your boobs are different, but they are warm and comforting so I sort of get it.”

She put her head on his shoulder.

“We're trying to find time to enjoy each other and we still end up talking about her,” she said.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

She shook her head. “No, if you didn't  mention her , I probably would have. Let's face it, she's consumed our lives.”

They were both quiet.

“We'll figure out how to find more time for each other. I promise,” he said. “It's going to be harder when Armin leaves...”

“But Ash will be older,” Hange said. “And Armin did say his friend Bertholdt is studying to be a kindergarten teacher, and is currently working in a daycare. He knows a lot about caring for babies.”

Levi nodded slowly weighing the option.

“Okay. We'll figure that out when we come to it,” he said. 

They finished lunch and  put their dishes aside. Hange slid her robe off and Levi took off his. This felt right,  h er being close to him like this,  skin on skin . But now something was missing.  The little bassinet was empty. And as much as he wanted more time alone with Hange, Levi found he missed t he little coos, the soft gurgles,  and the furtive little smiles .

He closed  his eyes  to grab one more peaceful nap . Asher would be back soon.

* * *

They arrived back at Hange's parents' house  to take Asher home .  She was asleep for her afternoon nap.  Rather than put her in her carseat, which would have definitely made her wake up and lead to a lot of tears and screaming, Levi opted to carry her home. She knew she was with him right away, she didn't stir as she laid her fat cheek on his shoulder and he heard her yawn and smack her lips. Their good byes were silent. He felt so comfortable with her weight in his arms. He loved this small human so much even though she was drooling all over his shirt at the moment.

Once back home, Levi placed her to sleep in the crib in her nursery and turned on the baby monitor. He knew he should start dinner soon, but Hange standing in their bedroom door made him pause. They gave each other a knowing smirk.

“Care to start disc two of Final Fantasy VIII?” she said, holding up the Playstation controller. He ran over and picked her up.

“Okay, quick before Ash wakes up,” he said.


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's clipped sentences said it all.

Levi didn't say anything, just stood in the door of the living room watching Armin and Asher. She was staring up at him, her mouth occasionally curling into a tiny smile. He held her gently and swayed her back and forth.

"Can you say...Armin?" he asked. Asher responded with a raspberry. That warranted a chuckle. Levi placed a hand over his mouth so he wouldn't be heard.

"Okay, how about 'Daddy?' Can you say 'daddy?'" he asked. Another raspberry. Armin started giggling and Asher gave a toothless grin.

"How about Hanjo?"

Raspberry. Armin was really gut laughing now and Asher's smile only grew as she stuffed her fist in her mouth. Levi didn't really want to disturb the scene with his presence. He'd never dared to picture his life with children and here they were. And as he'd never even pictured having children at all, he never thought about how they'd interact. Armin seemed made for siblings, it was a shame it took so long for him to have any. Well, Levi supposed Eren and Mikasa were his siblings, Asher was just added to the ranks. Armin caught sight of Levi in the door.

"Did you see all that?" Armin asked.

"Yeah. That seems to be her favorite thing, huh?" Levi said. Windex stalked over and put her paws on the couch so she could get a better look at Asher. Asher turned to her and blew a raspberry. Windex twitched her ears a bit before sticking out her tongue just a bit. That made Armin and Levi start laughing.

"There is too much joy in this house," Hange called from the kitchen. She came into the living room and Windex ran over. Hange ran a hand over her fur before turning to the humans in the room.

"Is Asher being adorable again?" she asked

"Like she does every day," Levi said. Hange kneeled next to the couch and kissed Armin's cheek and then kissed Asher.

"Were you a good baby? Did you cry while I was gone?" she asked.

"Not a peep," Armin said. "Mostly gurgles and raspberries. A little fussy when she needed her diaper changed."

Hange gave an exaggerated gasp. "You made Armin change your smelly diaper?"

Asher seemed proud of herself because she flashed her gums and started kicking her legs in excitement.

"Just like your father, excited over shit," Hange said casting a glance over her shoulder at Levi. He only grinned.

"She's got her sense of humor from the best person," he said.

"Sure, she did," Hange said as Armin handed her over.

"Did you bring groceries home?" Armin asked.

"Yeah," Hange said as she nuzzled her nose in Asher's cheek.

"I'll help unpack," he said.

"Thanks,” Hange said.

Levi hugged Hange and Asher and kissed them both.

"How was your day?" Hange asked.

Levi shrugged. "It was a day. Couldn't wait to get home and see you guys."

"Aw, you didn't see anything crazy when you were inspecting today?" she asked.

"Nope."

Hange pouted as she sat down with Asher.

"I kind of miss work. I mean...I love Ash, but I want to get back to test tubes, experiments, and nervous interns," she said.

"You'll be back before you know it and then you'll say, 'I just miss my baby,'" Levi said.

Hange sighed. "I know. I'd better cherish our last few weeks. At least I have Mondays off."

"When the time comes we'll work on our schedule so that way Asher always has someone home."

"Mom says she can watch her and Carla has expressed interest in helping out as well," Hange said.

Levi hesitated a moment before he mentioned his next suggestion.

"My dad said he would watch her if we ever needed the help. I think he's still making up for lost time..."

She put Asher in his arms and hugged him.

"I think it's wonderful that he wants to reach out like this," she said. "We'll wait to ask until you're comfortable."

He pressed his forehead against Hange's shoulder.

"Why am I so scared? I know he's changed and he's never been anything but gentle and good to Asher. So...why am I still afraid? What do I think he's going to do?" he said.

"It doesn't matter, it's how you feel. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it," she said.

Hange kissed Levi's lips gently. He loved those sort of kisses. Not that he didn't also appreciate lustful kisses. But he'd spent so much of his life just starved for gentle, loving affection that he treasured simple kisses just because it was reassuring and comforting in the moment. She kissed Asher who simply turned her hazel eyes up toward Hange and then buried her face in Levi's chest.

He was so in love with this small human who honestly had just started rewarding them with smiles and weird noises. It made no sense that he'd get excited over a raspberry, or that his only thanks for changing her diaper or feeding her in the wee hours of the morning was a smile that was barely a smile, but it was plenty. And when she snuggled against him, his heart melted. He'd never classed himself as 'tough.' Levi was aware that he could be considered hard and distant. But Hange and Armin long since made him lose touch with that side of himself. It was harder to push people out of his life. And now, with Asher here, it only made him almost willing to welcome more people. He knew it was too soon to say anything, but he wanted another child. He kissed Asher's head. All in due time.

Hange left them and went into the kitchen and Levi just held Asher and did his favorite thing. He sat there and talked to her. About anything. He tried not to curse when she was around, but a few slipped out. She was young. It was okay. As they sat there, he heard the purr of a motorcycle. It could be Mike and Nanaba, but it was far more likely to be his father. Levi turned to Asher.

"Grandpa's here. You'll have a new favorite since you like beards. You're making me think about growing one. I'll look totally ridiculous, but you'll only love me more, I know," he said. Asher only waved her fists in the air in response.

"Don't deny it, it's true."

He heard his father's voice in the kitchen.

"Do you want to go see him?"

Just a tiny gurgle.

"Hold on. Here we go."

Levi went down the hall and when he entered the kitchen, his father was helping Hange put away a few more groceries.

"Hey, Kid. Sorry to stop by unannounced," Vern said.

"It's fine," Levi said.

"I uh...just wanted to see you and the little one. Couldn't stop thinking about you guys today."

"Sure. You want to stay for dinner?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice," Vern said.

Asher had her head on Levi's shoulder, but she was staring at her grandfather with big eyes and a fist in her mouth. It meant she was definitely excited, she was idly kicking her legs and gripping Levi's shirt.

"I need to start dinner, will you hold her?" Levi asked.

Vern held out his arms and Asher went willingly. She laid her head on his shoulder and without ceremony ran her tiny, saliva covered fingers through his beard.

“Oh, Ash...” Hange said.

"It's fine, it's fine. She still has a preference for beards I see," Vern said with a chuckle.

"I wanted to take her to a beard and mustache convention just because I know it'd blow her little mind," Hange said.

His daughter curled up in the arms of his father. She was not screaming or in fear, but her tiny fingers grasped at his wiry, grey beard. She seemed so happy. And his father...someone who'd caused him so much pain cradled her carefully, his hand on her back. Levi didn't know how he felt about this. Certainly happy, but he hadn't dreamed this day at all. Even if he'd off handedly pictured children, he never pictured his father as being part of his life at all. He smiled and put his hand on his father's shoulder.

* * *

Levi didn't expect his father to stay so long. After dinner they played Monopoly, which was a mistake. Not really because they were the type to argue over board games (though Hange could be intense sometimes), but Monopoly was time consuming. Asher found all the excitement and talking fascinating, but she got cranky and Hange put her to bed. They wrapped up around eleven. And then Levi said something he never thought he'd say to his father.

"Stay the night. It's too late for you to go out," he said.

"If...you're okay with that," Vern said.

"I am," Levi said.

Armin and Levi set up the pullout bed downstairs. And no sooner did they finish, they got a knock on the door. Armin squinted a bit.

"Who could that be at this hour?" he asked. Levi shrugged. They went upstairs to investigate. Clorox was already there with Hange, rubbing his body against the legs of what seemed like a stranger.

"Hange...I need to sleep here. I'm so tired after work, I can't make it home," he said in a hoarse whisper. Levi was ready to jump in, but he took a better look at the tall stranger. Hange put her hands on either side of his face.

"Oh, Eren, you look a wreck," she said. "Take a shower. I'll tell Levi and Armin you're here."

"We know," Levi said. "Everything okay?"

"Long shift. Very rough. I need sleep. I can't drive," Eren said.

His clipped sentences said it all. Armin put his arm around his friend and they went downstairs.

"I'm sorry, I made the call without asking you," Hange said.

Levi shook his head. "I'd be upset if you turned him away."

Hange smiled softly. "I figured."

Vern came from the kitchen.

"I put away the dishes and the game. Sounds like we have another house guest. Are you sure there's still room for me?"

"There's room. Hange bought this ridiculous house so we could fill it with people," Levi said.

"You never say it's ridiculous when we have it filled with people," she said

"That's usually because I'm too busy screaming internally."

Hange laughed, "Okay, okay. I'm going to look in on Ash and then I'm going to bed. Good night, Vern." She kissed Levi's cheek. "See you in a minute."

Vern waved as she went up the stairs.

"Y'know...I know she's been real good to you. She's got the most generous and open heart. She had to be pretty amazing if she's putting up with you," Vern said.

"Ha, I know right?" Levi said. "If you need anything, we'll be upstairs."

"Thanks. Good night."

Levi gave his father a quick hug and nodded before he went upstairs after Hange. She was in the shower and he shed his layers and joined her. He looped his arms around her waist and held her from behind. She laughed. It was his favorite sound, he loved her deep laugh. She nudged him with her elbow.

"Hey. Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," he whispered.

"You sure?"

He was suddenly too overcome to speak. How did he say what he wanted to say? He kissed her shoulder.

"I love you," was all he could say. And even that didn't quite capture what he was feeling. He was feeling grateful. That he could open his house and his heart to people like this thanks to her. She accommodated and encouraged him to be this way. To open up, to let people in, to care for them. To freely express affection. To forgive. To create a new life entirely. And “I love you” just didn't cut it. She loosened his hold on her and held his face. She gently kissed his lips.

"You're welcome," she said. Out of context, it would sound very conceded, but to Levi, it was reassuring. That she knew what he was trying to say. He pulled her closer and kissed her hard. She giggled when they pulled away.

"You're easy to please, let's finish washing up and get to bed. You know our little peanut doesn't like being ignored if she's hungry or dirty," she said. The shower was completed without any fanfare. But as they dried off Hange stopped and regarded him with wide, brown eyes, the same look that Asher gave, it was almost soul searching.

"I love you too, y'know," she said.

"I do," Levi said.

Hange giggled again and punched his arm. He winced.

"Maybe you shouldn't go back to training with Nanaba. You still have a serious punch," he said.

She grinned and stuck her tongue out.

"You can't stop me!" she said.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said.

They left the bathroom and put on their pajamas. Asher was making small noises, but she wasn't crying or whining.

"Let's see how long we can sleep," Hange said.

"Not long, I'll bet," Levi said.

Hange snorted and kissed his cheek.

No proper good nights were exchanged. The two of them fell asleep right away.

* * *

One of their children did wake them up, but it was Armin frantically knocking on the door. Hange ran to answer it. Armin was pale and breathless.

"It's Eren...he got a call from Dr. Jaeger, and...his mom...there's a fire!" Armin said.

And on cue, Asher started to cry. Hange turned to Levi.

"I'll take care of Ash, go check on Eren. Let me know what I have to do," she said.

Levi nodded in agreement. He hurried to the basement with Armin in tow. Eren was sitting on the couch bed with Vern.

"He's calmed down a little, but he needs to speak to you," Vern said.

Levi knelt in front of Eren and held his hands.

"As best you can. Tell me exactly what's going on. I want to help you. Let me know what I can do,” Levi said.

Eren swallowed and wiped his tears.

"Mom and Dad are separated. Mom has been living with my grandparents for months now," he said. Levi only nodded. He noticed he hadn't seen Carla around much. But he waited for Eren to continue. "There was a fire at my grandparents' house. And...and..."

"Let's go," Levi said. "If you want to go, let's go."

Eren nodded.

"Put on your coat, don't forget your shoes. I'll be in the car," Levi said. Hange came downstairs.

"What's going on?" she asked. Levi took her hand.

"There's a fire. Carla might be hurt," he said.

Hange's mouth opened slightly. She looked upstairs toward Asher and then back at him.

"I want to come but..." she said.

Vern emerged from the basement.

"I'll stay upstairs with Ash. I'll do my best while you're away," he said.

"She'll take a bottle, there's some in the fridge," she said.

He nodded.

"She and I are good friends and now our friendship will be tested," Vern said. Levi bit his lip as Hange hurried to get her coat.

"Thanks, Dad," Levi said. Vern put his hand on his shoulder.

"A crisis is easier when Hange's with you, I can tell," he said. “Ash and I will be fine.”

"Yeah," Levi said. Windex yowled from the top of the stairs. The two other cats joined her and Levi understood. They'd all be okay. Hange hurried down and the went with Levi to the car. Armin and Eren came out shortly after.

"Give me the address. We'll get there, don't worry," Hange said. She drove, Armin helped to navigate a bit, since he'd been to the house before, Levi sat in the back seat with Eren, who couldn't speak. The ride was tense, and they finally made it. The fire was out, the ambulance was there and somehow the static figure of Dr. Jaeger was clearly seen.

Eren ran ahead, the three trailing behind him. They were in earshot when they heard.

"Your mother's dead," was all Dr. Jaeger said.

Eren was very still. Levi hung back, perhaps--

"We were fighting over you anyway. She always defended you, no matter what I said. Get your things. Leave the house. I'll take the loss," Grisha said.

"But why? Dad, what did I--" Eren began as he gripped his father's arms.

"I can't stand to see you," he said and pulled away. "Get your things. Leave the house. As soon as possible. Can you do that?"

Eren remained still and watched his father walk away.

"What about Grandma and Grandpa?"

"They're all dead. Leave me alone."

Levi had always known Grisha was cold but not like this. Eren screamed. Levi could feel the pain as though he were struck himself. Armin got to him first and Hange came right after. Eren sank to his knees and started breathing erratically. Levi put his own jacket around Eren and held his wrists.

"Look at me, Eren. Levi said. Eren raised his eyes to Levi, but they didn't seem their trademark green. They seemed black, distant.

Hange spread her hands over Eren's shoulders.

"Breathe with me, Eren," she said. It was that low soothing voice that she used with Asher. And together they breathed. In. Out. In. Out. Levi could feel Eren's heart rate slow a bit.

"What do you need us to do?" Levi asked.

"I want to see my mother," he said. "I want to talk to the paramedics or the firefighters. I want to know what happened."

Levi nodded. “We'll go with you.”

They talked to everyone Eren wanted to talk to. The story was simple. The fire started, blazed out of control, neighbors called. Both grandparents and Carla were dead by the time they arrived.

"I still want to see my mother and my grandparents," he said. Levi didn't think it was a good idea, but they agreed to take him anyway.

They went to the hospital and were escorted to the morgue. Eren went by himself to view the bodies. Another screaming fit. This time, Eren had to be sedated.

"I'll stay with him," Armin said.

Levi wanted to stay but...Asher...

Hange put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm going back to Ash. I'll catch a cab home. Please take care of our other children. Eren needs you."

"I want to see you get in the cab," he said.

Hange nodded.

"I'm not sure how long we'll be," he said.

"Call or text. Keep me posted," she said.

Levi nodded. They waited for the cab together and she waved as the cab pulled away. He went back to the gurney where Eren was resting. Levi held his hand and smoothed his hair. To think, just a few years ago, he was hoping Eren would ignore him. Yet here they were.

"Eren. When you wake up you come to my house. Pick a room. Any room. It's yours. We'll get all your things, whatever you want. I don't know what your father wants, or what he's thinking. But you're always...you're always _my_ son."

He looked to Armin and Armin nodded.

"You're my brother, Eren," he said.

Things have never been more wrong and right at the same time.

* * *

They got home at six in the morning. Eren slept in Armin's bed exhausted from grief and in need of comfort.

Levi crawled up the stairs to his bedroom. Hange wasn't there. He heard her whispering to Asher in her nursery through the baby monitor. Levi went to see her and just leaned on the door jamb. Hange looked up and started to stand. Levi came closer and dhe settled back down.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay. But your father did a beautiful job with her," she said. "She actually slept most of the time we were gone."

Levi leaned over and kissed Asher's fat cheek. She sighed and leaned closer to her mother.

"Ah, she likes mom smell a lot," he said.

Hange snorted. "She likes the smell of breastmilk soaked shirts."

Levi snickered.

"What happened?" she asked.

"We just got Eren calm enough to come home. You were there for most of the serious action. I'm glad you were."

Hange held his cheek.

"I was glad to support. Eren is staying with us, right?"

"Yeah. He'll probably be here for a while," Levi said.

"That's fine. As long as he needs. He's such a good kid. I've always liked him," she said.

"I told him...he was my son," he said.

Hange kissed his nose.

"He's always been your son. I could see that from the moment I moved here," she said.

Levi blushed. He wasn't very paternal. Why were all these children so...drawn to him. He didn't even understand Asher. Well, he supposed what choice did she have as a small baby but to feel some sort of affection (or gas) for the person who makes you all clean after you shit and feeds you. And he couldn't explain any of the affection he felt for any of these other children. Eren was just a wide eyed kid who followed him around and shouted a lot.

"He needs a place to stay and I'm not a monster. He stays with us," he said.

"Agreed. Now go to sleep. You should call out from work today and take as many naps as Asher does," she said.

"I only need an hour or two. I'll be fine," he said. Hange gave him a look. He sighed. "Fine, I'll tell them there was an emergency and I'll work from home one extra day. That good enough for you?"

"It's better,” she said.

He trudged to bed and all but blacked out. He barely felt Hange crawl in shortly after, but he felt her warm arms and her warm kisses on his neck.

He didn't respond. His body felt like lead. But he was awake in an hour, making coffee as he heard Asher whining to be fed as Hange down the stairs and sat at the kitchen table. Vern joined them as Levi poured Hange a cup of tea.

"Morning, Dad," he said.

"Is...Eren okay? The boys are knocked out," Vern said.

"Eren's mother and grandparents are dead. His father is disowned him. He has no where to go," Levi said.

"No where to go but here," Vern said. "He's staying with you guys right?"

"Yeah," Levi said.

Vern sat back in his chair.

"I don't know how Levi, but you learned to be a great father from somewhere. It sure as hell wasn't me. That kid is lucky," he said. "All your kids are lucky."

Asher turned her head a little, but she was too busy getting food to really pay attention.

"Yeah, I'm talking about you," he said. Asher grunted and waved her fist a little. All the adults laughed.

"She's got a lot of fight," Hange said. "Not sure which relative she got it from. We have legitimate fighting tournaments during Christmas with my family, it's hard to narrow it down"

"No kidding? I'd love to see that,” Vern said.

"You should come for Christmas," Hange said. "If everyone's okay with that."

"I am," Levi said.

"Then it's settled. Come with us for Christmas."

"We're going to have a full car, this year," Levi said. "Six total."

"Oh...Levi we're not going to have to buy a van? We can buy a truck but not a van..."

"I thought you'd like a van?" he said.

"Truck. I like trucks because I can still take up some weird hobby and it could have some use."

"Fair enough," Levi said.

"So. How are we going to move Eren's things? Any ideas?" Hange said.

"I got a plan, don't worry," Levi said.

"I called the guys at the garage and told them what happened,” Vern said. “They gave me the day off and offered a truck. I can go get it if you'd like."

"That'd be a huge help, Dad. Thanks."

* * *

Getting Eren's things was strangely detached and emotional at the same time. Grisha stayed in his room, Eren tried to hastily pack up his things, but this proved to be difficult for him because after a while, he would stare at a picture of his mother and not move. Hange would stay by his side, Armin would pat his shoulder but by and large, Levi kept things going. It took the whole day, but they got the truck packed up.

"Do you want to say good bye?" Levi asked Eren. Eren couldn't meet his eyes.

"I do but..." he trailed off. Levi understood.

"I'll come with you if you want," he said. Eren met his eyes then. He looked so young, younger than he actually was, but so tired.

"I...please?" Eren said.

Levi nodded and walked back inside with him. Eren came to the door to his father's room and Levi stood with his back against the wall so he wouldn't be seen. Eren took a deep breath and knocked.

"Dad?" he called.

"Do you have everything?" Grisha asked.

"I think so. I just wanted to say--"

"If I find anything else, I'll have Moblit bring it by," Grisha said. Levi narrowed his eyes but kept his mouth shut.

"Dad..." Eren said.

"If that's all then I hope you'll be on your way soon," he said.

"I...yeah. Good bye, Dad..." he said.

Eren was barely contained, but Levi had his arm around him as they left. Eren, despite usually being strong and energetic, crawled into the truck and seemed to sink into the seat like his whole body was deflated. Hange looked to Levi for answers but he shook his head and patted her hand. She nodded and drove home.

"We'll take your things in, no need to worry about helping," Hange said.

"No. I want to help. I have to pull my own weight," Eren said. And he tried to do as he said. But he got a few boxes in before he sank to the floor and just looked at an old photo album. They worked around him, Hange made up his bed, Levi unpacked his books, Armin put away his clothes, Vern put up his posters.

"I heard your brakes when you pulled up," Vern said. "I'm going to take a look at your car, Eren."

Eren barely heard him. Just nodded and curled up on the floor. Hange knelt beside him.

"Are you comfortable here? Do you want a blanket, or to get on your bed?" she asked.

"Blanket," he mumbled.

"Do you want anyone with you?" she asked. He shook his head. Levi stayed outside Eren's new room, just watching him. He felt the brush of fur. It was Lysol. His shyest kitty. She looked at Levi and then at Eren. She went over and nuzzled Eren's nose. He opened his eyes, but didn't smile. He simply ran his hand along the back of her fur and she curled up next to him. She purred. She knew something was wrong, but obviously couldn't figure out what. So a good purr should help regardless. Hange returned with a blanket and covered Eren and Lysol. She kissed his temple.

"Thank you," Eren whispered. Hange rubbed his arm and left him alone.

"You know where we are. Don't hesitate to come to us," Levi said.

"Yeah," Eren said.

Levi took Hange's hand and went upstairs with her. When they got back up to the first floor, Asher and Armin were there. Ash, unaware of what was going on, was on her back marveling at the colorful play mobile above her head and kicking and swatting and making otherwise adorable sounds. Armin was giggling as he watched her. Levi got on his knees and kissed Asher's forehead and hugged Armin tightly.

"I never, ever want you two to hurt because of me," he said. "I never want to treat you the way Grisha has treated Eren...."

"I don't think you can," Armin said. Levi squeezed him.

"Everyone has the capacity for bad," he said.

"Well, let's not worry about what hasn't happened," Armin said. Levi nodded.

Asher was trying to look at him and straining and making small frustrated noises. Levi carefully picked her up.

"You too, smelly baby. I want to take good care of you, too," he said. She didn't say anything, just looked at his face for a while and immediately put her mouth on his shoulder so she could taste his shirt. She had a habit of doing that lately. He laughed a little. For now most of his kids were happy.

* * *

Carla's funeral was large and somber. Eren sat next to Grisha for appearances. He couldn't make his father look bad in front of colleagues. But once Carla was buried and guests were served, Grisha parted without a word. Eren was given time off and he wasn't idle. He worked out, his test for firefighting was still going to come up in six months. He cleaned house. He spoke to Mikasa at length when she wasn't training. He took excellent care of Asher. All in all, Levi felt he was a model son.

Eren was fairly quiet. He was a far cry from his usual chatty self. But that was to be expected.

It happened late one night. Asher was fussy. She'd eaten, she'd been changed, she was warm, Hange had tried to calm her for hours and finally she couldn't stay up any more. Now Ash was snuggled against Levi, still crying incessantly. Levi had taken her downstairs so he could walk more freely as he rocked her. He heard the basement door open slowly. He was expecting one of the cats, but instead, he saw Eren. He did seem a bit like a cat lately. Levi nodded in greeting.

"Is she okay?" Eren asked.

"Yeah, just fussy. Do you want to check her, Mr. Paramedic," he said.

"I can," Eren said. Levi gave over his crying baby. Eren put his forehead against hers and she actually quieted a little. "No fever."

She continued to whine a bit. "You're not smelly. You must have eaten. And you're being rocked. You must be going through a growth spurt and you don't know what's going on with you."

She was still fussy but she was quieter. Levi sat down and Eren sat with him. Eren handed her back to Levi. She snuggled against him, still whining, but seemingly placated.

"Well, you have the magic touch," Levi said.

"Not always," Eren said with a little bit of a chuckle. Levi hadn't heard Eren do anything close to laugh in a long time. It was nice to hear. Eren clasped his hands tightly.

"Can I...put my head on your shoulder?" he asked.

"Of course," Levi said.

Eren rested his head on Levi's shoulder and sighed.

"Levi...I don't understand..." he said. "How can you see someone grow up as a small baby and not feel anything for them? How can you provide for them and guide them and then just drop them so easily? I don't understand..."

"I don't either. And trust me, I'm an expert on crappy dads," Levi said.

"We weren't always super close and we didn't agree on a lot of things but...I thought he loved me. I thought I was important to him...I want to forgive him but..."

"Forgive when you think it's warranted. I can say that from experience. Don't let this eat you alive. He may have abandoned you, but I won't. I mean it. You're my son now. You can list me as your emergency contact. You can tell people I'm your father. I don't care. You're my son."

Eren said nothing for a while. But slowly he unfolded his hands and somehow managed to curl up on Levi's lap and start crying. Eren was pretty big, and pretty heavy. But Asher was undisturbed by this sudden intrusion and Levi welcomed it.

"We're all here for you," Levi said. "We're your family. We always have been."

Eren squeezed him.

"Thank you, Levi. Thank you, all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay. Real life drama took over my time for a good while. New job, new house and a bunch of other things. I am in a much better place now!

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who caught the Strong Bad reference, I applaud you. For those of you who noticed I used the Strong Bad method of summarizing quiet indie films by altering the summary of action films, I give you a standing ovation.
> 
> I know. How dare I desire LeviHan friendship junk. How dare I want them to be safe and not always in danger. How dare I realize that in canon their happiness is always in jeopardy so I cheated and put them in a modern day AU so they can be neighbors and be cute. HOW DARE I WANT NICE THINGS IN THE AOT FANDOM.
> 
> Hey, if you're ever done crying puddles over these two, I'm here with this fic. Let's giggle and laugh and junk.


End file.
